Franklin and Bash (2011) s03e06 Episode Script
Freck
Okay, this isn't good.
Whoa.
What's going on here? Is it is that finger paint? Okay, easy.
Why would they finger paint in the kitchen? Easy.
It doesn't look that, uh - Okay, that's blood.
- It's blood.
Whoa, man.
Well, I need gloves like, C.
S.
I.
gloves and booties.
What are we doing walking through this? Peter, come on.
You got to pull it together.
- You pull it together.
- Peter.
What is look at this? - Come back here.
Just get to know it.
- Hey.
- There's my dream team.
- Hey.
- What the hell's going on? - What is this? This? Nothing.
I think Freck is trying to prank me.
Freck? You're hanging out with Freck still? Not really.
He's just staying here till he finds a new place.
But look my landlord saw this blood, called the police, so I called you.
Hey, did I hear right? - Did did Pindar burn down your house? - Yeah, yeah.
We lost everything.
But we're living in Malibu now.
- Awesome.
- Yeah.
Thanks for the invite to the open house.
- Like you need an invitation.
- So, that's blood.
This are you sure this is a joke? I mean, maybe he walked in on a burglar or something.
Oh, we'll find out soon because he scored court-side tickets to the Clippers game tonight.
No way he's gonna miss that.
Sorry to break up this little class reunion, guys, but when was the last time you saw Mr.
Hildebrandt? - Hildebrandt.
- Didn't know Freck had a real name.
Thursday night.
Freck hasn't been to work in a couple days.
That's why we're here.
Anyone want a beer? Yeah.
I I'll take a beer.
- Sure.
- Wait.
Hold on.
- Yeah.
- I'm not I'm gonna stay here.
You don't touch that.
Why not? I can't have a beer in my own place? Don't I have certain inalienable rights? Don't I? I'm not sure which constitutional amendment covers the right to a beer.
Well, this could be a crime scene.
So everyone, please, outside.
And you know, you, uh you don't look too worried about your roommate.
Well, Robbie and Freck have a history of pranking each other.
Oh, my God.
They're epic.
You can see these online.
This Freck guy did he have any relatives that he would visit? Maybe a girlfriend, something? Freck has no family, except his mom, who lives in Belgium.
She disowned him.
And he's only got an ex-girlfriend Who is now my fiancée.
What?! You you got engaged to Nancy?! Yeah, about a month ago.
No way.
No way Freck's happy about that.
I'm sure.
Where were you last night? I stayed in, uh, ordered Netflix.
"Beerfest.
" - Just an American classic.
- Right.
Okay.
Got that? All right, I'm gonna need some more information about Freck.
- Sure.
- Maybe some contact info, something.
I I he's staying with me.
He has a cellphone Something's up.
- What's this about? - Oh, is it What do you think? Is it a dead body? I I'll take care of it.
Okay.
I got something here you need to see.
Okay, what is it? Appears to be blood.
Hey.
What are you doing? This isn't my car.
- What do we got, officer? - Get out of here.
Okay.
All right, come on.
Let's get this perimeter secure.
Sergeant's on his way.
What's up? Our client's about to be the prime suspect.
So, was Freck a jealous kind of guy maybe? - Not until - Robbie, don't say another word.
- Why? - Zip it.
Sorry, detective.
We're gonna have to shut this down.
He's a little cranky.
- We said zip it.
- Let's get out of here.
Ooh, what a mixture such a vivid picture Ooh, what a mixture if I must say so myself Freck Robbie Ambriano has been released on bail after his arrest Friday for the murder of his roommate Roderick Hildebrandt.
The 32-year-old Hermosa Beach resident - went missing two weeks ago.
- Shannon.
Oh.
Sorry, Peter.
- Hey.
- What's up? - We're gonna go in there.
- Oh, hey.
Stanton, we need some time off of fresh slice.
- Robbie's case has gone sideways.
- Yes, I heard.
It's Damien's turn, anyway, to do foundation work.
The foundation has been supporting fresh slice bakers.
The gang bangers? No, they're not gang members.
They're former gang members who have turned to baking as a way out.
I always thought I'd make a good gang member.
Minus the violence.
You'd just do the tagging.
- I love to paint.
- Hmm.
You can't be in our gang.
You're both ridiculous.
- But you can.
- Thank you.
Are you familiar with Brockmore Foods? Indeed the organic grocery store.
It's where my intern buys my quinoa.
- Oh, is it? - Yes.
It's where my intern buys the stick in my ass.
Mm.
I thought you two were busy.
- Yes.
- Yeah, sorry.
I don't believe this, guys.
There's no body, no weapon.
And yet I'm being charged with murder? It's corpus delicti.
- "Corpus delicti"? - Don't hurt yourself.
It means they can convict you without a body using the physical evidence the blood in the kitchen.
Demonstrative evidence, like Freck skipping out on the Clippers game.
- Court-side seats.
Who does that?- Right? - And motive.
- You killed your roommate, thinking he was having sex with your fiancée, then stuffed his body in your trunk and buried him in the Angeles forest.
She's kind of scary.
- But hot, right? - Yeah, very hot.
Mostly kind of busy.
You're in trouble.
- She doesn't believe me.
- You're right.
It's hard for me to believe that to keep you from marrying his old girlfriend, Freck's willing to send you to prison for murder and then go into hiding for the rest of his life.
Well, Freck is a trust-fund kid.
He can afford the infrastructure to survive.
Man, Freck has raised the bar on this one.
There's no way I could top this.
No, forget about pranking for a sec.
Did it occur to anyone that someone else may have killed him? He did piss a lot of people off.
That's why I got out of pranking.
Nancy said she wouldn't marry me unless I quit.
How are you gonna defend this? All the evidence points to Robbie, but Prosecution doesn't have a body.
So, highlight Freck's prank history and that he'd do anything to keep Nancy from marrying this guy.
- Okay.
- But color inside the lines.
- Did she say something? - Nope.
So, how did you and Nancy hook up? Freck introduced me to her at an S.
C.
Tailgate 10 years after they broke up.
But how do you not fall in love with someone? Just happens.
I don't know.
Just like Hailey Moore.
All right, can we not talk about Hailey Moore? Eighth grade she danced with him once.
First of all, it was a slow dance a very slow dance.
He takes out a page in the yearbook and he writes a poem using the first letter of every word spelling out Hailey Moore.
I don't want to talk about Hailey Moore anymore.
Okay? - We need to talk to your fiancée, though.
- Alone.
Go ahead.
Call her.
Just I hate what this is doing to her.
We need to also put together a reel of your greatest hits.
Nancy's got them all.
So, in this one prank, Freck had a fake lottery ticket made and gave it to our friend who manages a cigar store.
I just won 100 grand! Look at him.
He's so happy.
You keep that.
Keep the change! Oh.
Whoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo! Robbie.
Nice move.
So, Freck forged a fake lottery ticket? Yes, and, of course, Robbie couldn't wait to tell me.
So, he started to text me Oh! Oh, my Wow! Which almost got him killed.
Wow.
I told him not to text and walk.
You fell in love with these guys.
And like you two take life so seriously? Hey.
We've grown up.
Do it again.
Do it again.
Do it again.
Yeah, you guys still live together, and your fridge is a kegerator.
- You two have evolved.
- Oh.
Here we go.
Hey.
See if we ever invite you to one of our parties again.
No, don't do that.
I may be single.
But, Nancy, why didn't you marry Freck? I was just out of college, but Freck wanted to settle down.
He had no family growing up, and he wanted to start one.
Freck seemed fine when I started dating Robbie, but he changed when we got engaged.
Freck is emotionally compulsive.
That's code for cuckoo.
Nancy, we have to ask this because prosecution's gonna ask in court, but is there any chance that Robbie was jealous of your relationship with Freck and Killed him? No.
No, Robbie wouldn't do this.
Okay.
Fair enough.
We'll need you to testify and say just that.
Name the time and place.
- Thanks, Nancy.
- All right.
If Freck is alive, he'll know you're Robbie's lawyers.
He probably already knows your strengths and weaknesses.
Luckily, we don't have any weaknesses.
- That's the garage.
- Oh.
Bathroom.
Bathroom.
- Closet.
- Closet.
- Yeah, that's a closet.
- Yeah.
All right, the grill is lit.
She doesn't eat red meat.
Do we have chicken? We got chicken in the fridge.
Relax.
She's gonna smell the fear on you.
Beverages? Blue moon on ice and juice boxes.
Company.
Seashells or the seashells? Uh seashells.
Hi.
I'm Peter.
- I'm Tess.
- Hi, Tess.
Come on in.
And you are? Thirsty.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Welcome.
Thanks.
I have apple slices and raisins, juice boxes.
We also have Winnie the Pooh on blu-ray.
No, thank you.
Okay.
Well, I'd like you to meet some friends of mine.
This is Pindar, and that's Jared.
Hi.
Up top.
Ah, I'm taller.
Is he your life partner? He She's seen you guys take sunset walks along the beach.
And, Tess, it's a little early for, uh, personal questions.
See, sometimes, Tess, grown-ups take walks in order to Excuse me for one sec.
Hello? - Beer? - Yeah, sure.
Coming right up.
Boba! She's a big "Star Wars" fan.
Well, then, we'll get along great.
Hey, Pindy.
No playing with matches.
He burned our last house down to the ground.
On purpose? She's adorable.
Thank you.
Prosecution added another witness.
This is a big murder case that we're working on.
Ah, okay.
I'll let you guys talk about it.
Just a second.
Dr.
McKinney, Freck's therapist.
Cops talked to her right after Freck disappeared.
Yeah, a therapist can break privilege if their clients are in imminent danger.
How bad do you think it's gonna be? According to Dr.
McKinney's statement to the police, she's gonna testify that Freck feared for his life.
- He said you threatened him.
- Of course, he did.
I told you Freck played the long game.
He says you threatened him with bodily harm if he even so much as looked at your fiancée.
Come on.
Really? Guys, does that sound like me? All right, Robbie, Robbie.
If if you and Freck are pranking us Seriously, dude.
I can't speak for Freck, but I'm not.
Swear to you this is real.
So, what are we gonna do? Before we can highlight the pranking wars, we got to keep that therapist from testifying.
Dr.
McKinney hoped her intimate knowledge of Mr.
Hildebrandt's personal life might help investigators to find him.
Therefore, Dr.
McKinney's testimony to police should be admissible.
Your Honor, first, let me just say it is awesome to be in front of a judge who can pull off a goatee like that, 'cause most can't.
I remember I tried it back in the '90s.
- I looked like my own evil twin.
- You finished? Where does it say that we can't exchange pleasantries - before beginning a respectful discourse? - Yeah.
I don't know.
But I was thinking of having a sign made up says just that.
Gentlemen, I'm a busy man.
Yes, Your Honor.
Freck was presumed missing at the time, so his next of kin holds the right to waive doctor/patient privilege.
- "Freck"? - Mr.
Hildebrandt's nickname, Your Honor.
Uh, yeah the next of kin is Freck's Mr.
Hildebrandt's mother.
Well, your honor, Freck's mother lost touch with him 10 years ago.
If, in fact, she waived privilege, we'd like to know how Dr.
McKinney or the police contacted her.
I'm sure I can find that out easily enough.
Well, when you do, we would love to call her onto the stand.
- Uh, she lives in Belgium.
- Yeah, so we'll need an interpreter.
- She only speaks east Flemish.
- Yeah.
Ah.
All right.
The prosecution's request to have Dr.
McKinney as a witness is approved Thank you, Your Honor.
Right after Freck's mother is located and opposing counsel has a chance to question her.
Until then, gentlemen, this train is leaving the station.
Thank you, Your Honor.
And also, once again, I just Big, big sign.
Right over there.
- Yeah.
I'm starting to see it.
- So we should go.
Got it.
All right.
So, this whole operation started with just muffins and cheese sticks? That's why we can't lose the contract with Brockmore.
If we're blacklisted there, our name will be worthless.
No one else will sell them.
We think a simple legal-demand letter to Brockmore explaining that their anticipatory breach of the agreement should really Did you go to law school? University of San Quentin.
Hey.
Some guys worked out.
I read.
Anyway, they stopped all communication with us, then immediately the new shaker farms muffins were on the shelves.
Oh, you try spreading jam evenly on those cratered pucks of manure.
Shaker must offer more money for their space.
Brockmore took their money and pushed us out.
Yeah, but what about this? Brockmore Foods claims you tagged the Culver City store that carries your muffins as a way of endorsing the store to the neighborhood.
Not true.
I bet that tag goes back five years.
They're just using that as an excuse.
Perhaps, but unfortunately, article 12 of your deal states States that it's void if there's signs of any current gang affiliation, but we haven't run with the 32's in years.
We don't see any of those guys anymore.
Well, it's very difficult to prove.
Hey, we found out Brockmore Foods does this crap all the time.
They put out expired product, go back on their contracts, do bait-and-switch kind of stuff, too.
Look we can lean on their lack of communication.
Hopefully, they'll pay off the rest of the contract.
No.
Man, any one of our guys can make more money in a week pumping the streets than you guys make in a year.
We're here to prove ourselves legitimately.
Yes, but under the circumstances, I think a payout might be the best deal.
Best deal for who? So, Danny, you're not only aware of Freck's pranks, you were once a victim, correct? That's right, Peter.
A couple of years ago, me and Freck had lunch.
Afterward, I had to go to the bank.
What I didn't notice is that while I was in the bathroom, Freck had gotten into my backpack.
Wait, you left your stuff alone with Freck? - What were you thinking? - Yeah.
- There might have been some shots consumed.
- Uh-huh.
Anyway, I give the teller my deposit slip, she gets this weird look on her face, bends over and hands me a thick envelope.
I thought it was my withdrawal.
Well, I get outside.
I'm heading to my car.
Suddenly, there's cops everywhere.
Oh, man.
What did Freck do? He put a note into my banking slip saying I had a gun in my backpack and for the teller to hand over 1,000 bucks.
Freck.
He even put a toy gun and a Nixon mask in there for good measure.
Cops were not amused.
A Nixon mask? That's a great touch, 'cause I'll tell you, "Point Break" one of my top five.
- Yeah.
I can laugh now.
- Yeah.
Your honor, are you aware of what's happening right now? Well, besides you speaking when a witness is still on the stand? Yes, Your Honor, besides that.
Mr.
Kirk had just been handed photos of his wife in a compromising position with another man.
Yeah, the act is the noun for the Latin verb "fellare," which means - Should I be adjourning? - Uh, no, Your Honor, because these photos have been digitally manipulated by my partner and I using a laptop.
Your Honor, it's really good.
The bottom one is the best.
And, see, right about now, Mr.
Kirk is being told that the photos are a fake.
So, we're gonna need to position two bailiffs right about here.
Yeah, in four, three, two Think that's funny? You think this is funny? - Order! - Mr.
Kirk, stand down.
- Little pricks.
- Oh, whoa.
You gonna let him use that language, Your Honor? Your honor, he couldn't even speak Latin, and he can say "little pricks" in court? I'm holding you both in contempt.
Thank you.
Proves our point, Your Honor.
Jealousy leads to irrational anger.
And people will prank one another even if it means risking their own personal freedom.
I had fun, guys.
- This was fun, Danny.
- Yeah.
We are adjourned.
The food is very underrated in lockup.
The lasagna at county is delicious.
Bologna melt at wayside.
Three stars, at least.
I tell you, we should start a zagat guide for jail food.
Trademark it.
Hey.
How's everything going at Fresh Slice? You need anything? We like those guys.
Well, if you liked them, you wouldn't have dumped them on me.
Well, we had a friend who was being charged with murder, so we had to prioritize.
And again, we're asking if you need anything, so we do care.
Well, yes, I do, actually.
Perhaps you could tell the boys in the hood to keep it real and listen to their lawyer and not mad-dog me every time that I give them premium legal advice at $50 a word.
Word.
We're not gonna do that.
'Cause maybe you're not giving them primo legal advice, and maybe it's because you're scared of Brockmore.
- You smell.
- Good? - No.
- Okay.
You know, some of us can actually win cases without going to jail.
Some of us, but not you.
Please, it's you actually you smell awful.
I think I'm gonna throw up.
No, here.
Just take my 27-year-old scotch and get out of here.
- Go.
- All right.
- Thanks.
Okay.
- Well, if you need anything.
Well, if I need anything, I'll follow you by just using this.
Are you looking for buried treasure? Actually, I'm looking for buried health hazards like beer caps, shrapnel, disposed hypodermic needles.
Maybe gold.
Oh, there's something right here.
Something no, wait.
No, you're not wearing gloves! You'll cut your finger off! Do you know how many heroin addicts just Whoa.
It's a Canadian loonie.
That's worth 92 American cents.
- I can sterilize that.
- Can I have it? What?! No! I have the equipment.
You just dug your hand Sure.
- You can have it.
- Thank you.
"Thank you.
" Hey.
They're saying online that after yesterday, we've made this a dogfight.
Odds for acquittal were 15-to-1.
Now they're 3-to-1.
Why are you sitting on the floor? You can relate better to a child if you get on their level.
That's why they invented Indian-style seating in kindergarten.
Pretty sure the Indians invented that for sitting.
Tess.
Pindar found a loonie for me.
Oh, Pindy's the best, isn't he? He's great.
You ready for our guitar lesson? So, I'm gonna teach you an "A" chord.
This is an "A" chord.
- That's the open "A" chord.
- Right.
The barre "A" chord is way better.
The ba W where'd you learn that? Mom's old boyfriend taught me.
We went out.
I wouldn't say he was my boyfriend.
Oh, yeah? What's his name? - Richie Sambora.
- Tess.
What? Bon Jovi, "Crocodile Dundee" hat, on-a-steel-horse-he-rides Richie Sambora? You know, Peter does a pretty good rendition of "Bed of Roses" if you get him drunk.
Some say better than the original.
Nobody says that.
Can I get up? Sure, honey.
Richie Sambora.
That's that's awesome.
It didn't work out.
You are getting killed on every front with Charlie.
I am not.
Pindar is crushing you.
Who's Pindar? Yes! No.
whoo What is this? I come in peace.
Who are you? Hello, Pindar.
It's been way too long.
Freck? The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.
you're jaded, jaded What? Freck.
Freck! Freck! I saw his eyes.
I looked right into them.
It was Freck.
I told you he was alive.
What else was he wearing? A speedo.
That's a brave man to get out of the ocean wearing a speedo.
Freck fears nothing.
That's why he's Freck.
So, what are we gonna do? Are we gonna we gonna call the cops? Pindy? Pindy.
Pindy! - Huh? - You sure it was this guy? Yeah.
I could be surer if he had his name tattooed on his forehead, which he did.
W what? He had "Freck" tattooed on his forehead.
Pindy, Freck has no tattoos.
Okay, wait a minute.
How close were you, Pindy? He walked right up to me, and he took off his diving helmet, and he says, "the reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.
" Pindy, are you high? What? Okay, I'm on 72 different prescribed medications, but I know what I saw, okay? Look, Pindy is a lot of things claustrophobic, agoraphobic, neurotic, with Epstein-Barr and irritable bowel syndrome, but he's not a liar.
Thank you, Jared.
Hey, hey.
Got a second? Not really.
Great.
I need you back on Fresh Slice.
It's very difficult to prove that rehabbed gang members are no longer in a gang.
We'd love to, but we got a break in our murder case.
Well, obviously, I'm the only one who cares about people.
Damien? Whoa, careful.
It could be a Replicant.
Now! Steady.
- Hold still.
- Huh? Dilation of the pupils appear normal.
- Let him go.
- Continue.
Proceed, "Damien.
" Brockmore has made screwing people corporate policy.
They send out these discount coupons with gotcha fine print and they've got vendor contracts with trap doors so Brockmore can get out at the last minute.
And the guys at Fresh Slice, they're just trying to turn their lives around.
Is this really about helping the little guy? Do you want us to get our hands dirty so you don't have to? Both.
Look Greg Harrell, the counsel at Fresh Slice, is a Mason.
And so is a member of the judicial selection committee.
They talk.
- Mason? - Mm-hmm.
- So, they're tight, right? - Mm-hmm.
- Like in "Da Vinci code"? - It's real.
You afraid of the albino? I need your help, please.
I need your h I need your help, please.
- What did he say? - Michael Phelps.
I need your help, please.
- I don't know.
- And he likes Just give me some damn help! - Okay.
- Fine.
- Easy.
Geez.
- Negative cyborg.
Then let's put him on the stand.
He's our only eyewitness.
Our eyewitness is a lawyer for the defense.
The prosecution will hammer us.
Yeah, let's listen to Pindar's testimony out loud.
"I saw a man rise from the ocean wearing a Jules Verne diving helmet, speedo, and the name 'Freck' tattooed on his forehead.
" Quoting Mark Twain.
We'll look desperate and crazy.
On top of that, it's Pindy.
I don't know this Pindy.
Oh, he's a lovely human being.
One of the most decent, lucid men I think I've ever known.
Anyway We got to stop being reactive and start being proactive.
We have to think like Freck and bring the war to him.
- Like you did in court.
- Like what we did in court.
Exactly.
Why did Freck show his face this way? Why does the arsonist return to where he set the fire? To watch it burn.
Freck knows we scored points by blocking the therapist's testimony, and the prank we pulled on the D.
A that made our point with the jury.
Suddenly, we've made this a horse race.
So he reveals himself to our weakest link, hoping that we put Pindy on the stand and he has a meltdown of an eyewitness account.
An eyewitness is an eyewitness.
We can't beat Freck with this kind of caveman lawyering.
Quit making this guy out to be Keyser Soze.
He's a punk.
Look Pindar's sanity aside, I I agree with the boys on this one.
It's just too risky to put him on the stand, - so stay the course.
- All right.
Thanks.
Well, don't thank me.
Just get it right.
Oh, you're smooth.
Yeah, well, you won't come inside, so I have to work with what I've got.
I have to get the sitter home.
Okay.
I'll walk you home.
I'd like that.
You know, I'm I'm curious, um, how long was it before Richie met Tess? Really? You're gonna ask me about that now? You've already met Tess.
As a neighbor.
I I I just want, like, a marker or something when you want to start taking this seriously, 'cause then I'll know when to bail.
I don't think there's a rule book or a timeline.
Every situation is different.
Ah, situation, okay.
Okay.
Yeah, that works for me.
Whatever this is, I like it.
I like it, too.
I just got out of a relationship not too long ago, so, you know, I don't want to rush into anything.
Oh, really? Define, uh, "rushing.
" Really? You want to talk about that now? * I was bored anyway * * I left my love in the room * * that's okay * * I was born in L.
A.
* Richie Sambora.
Please.
Yeah, what does he got? Rock-star status, platinum records, private jet, pfft! Surprised the guy's not a virgin.
Oh.
It's Pindy.
Hey, Pindy, what's up? Did you get the e-mail I sent you? Pindy, if it's another photo of fat people bowling, I'm gonna come through the phone.
Surveillance footage.
Shared discovery from the prosecution.
So, you bought a shovel, rope, and tarp? Where did they get this? It was sent anonymously to the prosecution.
- Freck.
- Is what we're saying.
So, what's so bad about it? Well, the prosecution's saying that you killed Freck and buried the body.
No, no.
I I bought that shovel and tarp to bury a pig.
We were gonna throw a luau for Nancy's birthday.
- What? - A luau? - Yeah.
- Dude, that's crazy.
You can't piggyback a birthday party onto a theme party.
Yeah, it's either a casino night or Margarita Monday or a birthday party.
No mixing.
That's a rookie move.
It was Freck's idea.
Okay, it's okay, 'cause Nancy can back us up.
She knew about the luau, right? What luau? It was a surprise party.
She didn't know about it because I was arrested before we had a chance to throw it.
Okay, a surprise luau birthday party? Right? Stick to pranking.
Freck told me to buy that shovel and that tarp.
He knew a police investigation would bring this stuff out.
He's kind of awesome.
Yeah, he should be terrorizing Gotham.
Guys.
I'm on trial for murder here.
Look who just realized this isn't a joke.
Okay, look, none of the items you purchased have shown up on any evidentiary reports.
Which means they don't have it.
Which means, if you can find those items, it goes towards proving you didn't ditch evidence.
They're in the garage.
I swear this stuff is here.
I'm sure the police already looked.
This is why the items weren't on the evidence report.
You weren't a little suspicious when Freck wanted to throw a surprise luau party? I'm sorry, Nancy.
I don't blame you for not wanting to marry me, but I did not kill Freck.
You don't want to marry me, do you? I I don't know.
Uh, conjugal sex isn't exactly on my bucket list.
- Uh, should we step outside? - No.
This is exactly what Freck wants, you know that? He wants to blow us up.
If you don't marry me, Freck will have won.
Is that what you want? I don't care who wins! This isn't about winning! I'm sorry Robbie.
I love you.
I think you're innocent, but I didn't sign up for this.
I'm not having a prison wedding.
Well, what about having the wedding before he's sentenced? You mean I'm gonna say I'm guilty? - Sort of.
- Yeah.
Freck is competitive and compulsive, right? Right.
But I bet he loves Nancy more than he hates Robbie.
You said he's trying to blow you guys up.
What would happen if you guys got married? He'd explode.
You'd see the fireball on earth from deep space.
- There's a way to bring Freck back from the dead.
- How? - By giving up? - Yeah.
We want to throw in the towel.
We want to cop a plea.
That's your version of being proactive and thinking like Freck? - Uh-huh.
- Yep.
If you want to crash and burn If that's a yes, we'll take it.
Great.
Uh-huh.
Can Robbie take us to the body? Ah, he says he dumped it in the ocean.
But he stole a skiff, and he'll put it all in the written confession.
Well, what happened to "Freck is alive and crawled out of the ocean"? Word around town is you guys have a witness who saw him.
Pindar? Yeah, turns out he mixed Ativan with sake.
I ever meet Pindar, I'll punch him out.
W we told you the photos aren't real.
He's never met your wife.
Still, the images are seared in my brain.
We're sorry.
Go ahead and just punch us.
By "us," I mean him.
You got to admit, though, it was pretty funny Pindar and your wife.
Mean mugging.
One more thing.
Conjugal visits.
- Robbie's not married.
- Two more things.
We also want the judge who sentences Robbie to officiate the wedding.
Are you out of your mind? Judge will never go for that.
Okay, well, we'll just call this whole thing off, you take your chance with the jury.
With no murder weapon and no body, but, ah, you'll be fine.
- Yeah.
- I'll make it work.
Okay.
Well, if you excuse us, we have a wedding to plan.
Good work, Pindy.
This really has to get media traction.
I've sent the link to TMZ.
There you go.
Hey, what does one wear to a wedding/prison sentencing? I don't know.
Uh, business attire? Well, the appropriate attire for a day wedding would be a morning suit unless the groom is wearing the same.
Go with that.
Jared, the I bet mine still fits.
Don't get me wrong, I like her.
But she's no Mrs.
Smucker's.
Betty Crocker, give me a slice of that.
- Hey, hey.
- Right there in the kitchen.
- Sure.
- They're both nice, but you know which one I like? The Quaker Oats lady, eh? - Quaker Oats lady? - Yeah, yeah.
You know, that's a that's a - She got the hat.
- Gentlemen.
- That's actually a - A what? Gentlemen.
Can we start? Yeah, uh, you guys have no proof that our clients had anything to do with the tagging.
You're using the tagging as an excuse to sell shaker farms.
Excuse me? Gentlemen, let's work this out amicably.
Tagging our store was a hostile act, not an amicable one, Mr.
Karp.
All right, then.
You want a street fight.
What's going on? Did you leave your balls in the glove compartment? I probably should go get them.
In California, a criminal street gang is defined as "an ongoing organization of a group of three or more persons, whether formal or informal, that commits crimes as one of its primary activities.
" We're familiar with the legal definition of a gang.
You were sued in 2009 by Manchester Doughnuts for contract violation, and, in 2013, part of a class action for false advertising.
You also have a common name and an identifying symbol.
It's another part of the California code.
And there are five, six board members, - which means, by legal definition - You're the gang.
Not Fresh Slice.
Are you out of your mind? This meeting is over.
A actually, Greg, gang charges are criminal, which would lead to a grand-jury investigation.
I'm sure they'd love to hear how Brockmore Foods goes after a charity that helps men and women put their lives back together.
Those allegations would have to be brought by a district attorney.
No D.
A.
in this town would touch these charges.
Nice try.
Being a judge is overrated.
- You did good, Karp.
- Yeah.
God knows you need the karma.
And eligible for parole in the year 2038.
Is there anything you'd like to say to the family of the deceased? Well, uh, Freck really doesn't have any family, unless you count his mom, who sent me a nice thank-you note.
But I I am truly sorry for what I did because I could use a best man.
That it? Pretty much.
Okay, then.
The second part of today's hearing.
You sure this is gonna work? We try not to be sure about anything.
- We support their decision - What does that even mean? To commit themselves to each other we're never surprised.
For the rest of their lives, which is an honorable estate, not to be entered into lightly, but reverently.
That being said, do you, Mr.
Ambriano I I'm sorry.
What happened to the "if anyone here feels these two should not be wed, let them speak now or forever hold your peace"? We don't do that in California.
- Really? - Yeah.
Oh.
Sorry.
Go on.
Okay.
Thanks.
Do you, Robbie Ambriano, take Nancy Denuff for your lawfully wedded wife? I do.
And do you, Nancy Denuff, take Mr.
Ambriano for your lawfully wedded husband? I do - Not.
- Sorry? - What? - I do not take you as my husband.
I I can't marry you knowing what you did.
I can't marry you because I still love Freck.
I'm sorry.
Oh, that was unexpected.
No, I knew it.
I knew it.
- You knew it? - Yeah.
Hey, uh, fellas, you still want me to mention the, uh, refreshments down the hall? - I wouldn't.
- Yeah.
Okay.
Bailiff? Lock him up.
Congratulations.
You look great in blue, Robbie.
Yeah.
It's always darkest before the dawn.
Robbie Ambriano has pleaded guilty to murder.
And shockingly, his would-be bride, Nancy Denuff, has professed her love for Freck Hildebrandt The man ambriano has confessed to killing.
- Hey, baby.
- Freck? I told everyone the reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You did all this for me? No, I just wanted to break you two up, live on the down-low.
I would have come forward in a couple of years, but then when you said you loved me, I just couldn't let you suffer any longer.
Let's get out of here.
- Ow.
- Not the face.
Ohh, that was a ginger slap! You're a monster.
You bastards.
Detectives, may I present Roderick "Freckles" Hildebrandt.
It's a pleasure to meet the legend.
Cuff him.
Sorry, Freck.
But I am flattered.
Don't be too mad.
- He looks mad.
- A little bit.
Best case, you'll be charged with a false emergency.
But we're hoping for worst-case.
You don't want to get in the cage with me, boys.
- Is that a threat? - You want a piece of this? - Huh? - I think you should, uh, leave that alone.
Come on.
Let's go.
Fella's sharp.
Yeah, you better walk away.
All right, guys.
Get the freck out of here.
Really frecked him up.
So, uh, you're free tonight, I'm guessing.
Yeah.
Let's go to your place.
I do.
Please, take a seat.
Unfortunately, Harrell was right.
No district attorney in Beverly Hills would take this case on.
But fortunately for muffin lovers everywhere, Brockmore opened a new store in Lynwood.
That happens to be the home of the newly elected district attorney who's willing to fight for people of all walks of life.
Yeah, Brockmore caved immediately when he agreed to spearhead a grand-jury investigation into their practices.
Now, here's the new contract with Brockmore Foods.
I think it's most agreeable, in the opinion of your counsel.
Thank you.
Anything you need.
Yeah, man.
You have our card.
Actually, c could I get a picture with you guys? - Yeah.
Totally.
Cool.
- Great.
All right.
Yeah, okay.
Everyone in there? Okay.
On three.
One, two, three.
Well, this life ain't half bad.
No.
Well, if we ever get married, we can do it like Stanton marry four times, keep it fresh.
Not me, man.
I'm like an emperor penguin.
Mate for life.
You are like an emperor penguin.
Or the schistosoma mansoni worm.
The mansoni worm reproduces within the human body and forms loyal, monogamous pair bonds.
Stuff of Shakespeare.
Well, except when it causes snail fever, which triggers vomiting and fever and uncontrollable defecation.
You get that? Sorry.
What's up, guys? What's going on? Um, more guests are arriving.
Would one of those include your mom? Always with the mother jokes.
My mother is a Saint, and you would be lucky to - Talking to Tess? - Mm-hmm.
Sorry.
She'll be here in a minute.
She needs to be alone with Billy.
- Billy.
- Billy.
- * stuck inside an hourglass * - I got to go.
you can't get out yourself There's the top of the wedding cake, and without a file baked in it.
Congrats.
I was looking forward to those conjugal visits.
I have no problem with that.
We can still role-play.
Do you have a sister? Who's Billy? What are you doing? Uh, we have a boss who wanted us to finish a lot of work, but we're done.
Who's Billy? My mom says you ask a lot of questions.
I am a lawyer.
It's my job.
But my mom isn't your job.
Fair enough.
One last question.
Would you like some kind of soda high in fructose? - Sure.
- Okay.
That was easy.
All right, let's get you good and sugared up.
Don't throw me under the bus when your mom gets here, okay? All right.
There she is.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
How are you? Good.
I'm sorry I'm late.
Uh-huh, no worries.
Can I get you a Margarita? Yes, please.
I was, uh, meeting with a realtor.
A realtor? Why? I'm, uh, thinking about putting my dad's house on the market.
You moving? If I move San Francisco.
I've been offered a job to work up at the sports medical center.
I've really wanted it for a while.
That's fantastic.
Yeah.
I haven't decided whether I'm gonna take it.
you better find a way out Two margaritas coming right up.
Hey.
We should set up a play date for Pindy and Tess.
Can it be here? Pindar has better toys.
Absolutely.
Well, I think these guys have day jobs, honey.
Mm.
Hey, I'm sorry.
Tess sees me as such a father figure.
Pindy, she sees you as a baby brother.
Hey, Tess.
How would you like to keep Boba? Because Pindy just whispered in my ear, and he would like you to keep Boba.
Really?! Aww, are you sure, Pindar? Yeah.
Uh, you know what? On second thought, Boba doesn't travel well, plus you know, his wife, Sintas Vel, is gonna be so upset if he hangs out with another woman.
Remember when I gave you a loonie? That was, like, 92 American cents.
I don't want to give her too much and spoil her.
It's for her own good.
S so you're saying she's spoiled? - Pindy.
- No.
Just that a role model for a girl shouldn't be a bounty hunter.
I could get you a Barbie doll.
I have one in, like, a flight-attendant outfit.
- That's just sexist.
- Wow.
A all right, you can keep him.
Okay.
We'll borrow him.
Pindy, you're gonna make an amazing father someday.
Hey, Tess, you want to play a game Pindy loves to play called let's bury Boba in the ocean? You know what we should do? We should introduce Boba to our balloon launcher.
- Oh, he'd love that.
- No, he no, he can't swim.
He'll sink.
Hi's armor's too heavy.
Hey.
Let's play another game.
Uh, it's called take care of the rare collectible.
Whoa.
What's going on here? Is it is that finger paint? Okay, easy.
Why would they finger paint in the kitchen? Easy.
It doesn't look that, uh - Okay, that's blood.
- It's blood.
Whoa, man.
Well, I need gloves like, C.
S.
I.
gloves and booties.
What are we doing walking through this? Peter, come on.
You got to pull it together.
- You pull it together.
- Peter.
What is look at this? - Come back here.
Just get to know it.
- Hey.
- There's my dream team.
- Hey.
- What the hell's going on? - What is this? This? Nothing.
I think Freck is trying to prank me.
Freck? You're hanging out with Freck still? Not really.
He's just staying here till he finds a new place.
But look my landlord saw this blood, called the police, so I called you.
Hey, did I hear right? - Did did Pindar burn down your house? - Yeah, yeah.
We lost everything.
But we're living in Malibu now.
- Awesome.
- Yeah.
Thanks for the invite to the open house.
- Like you need an invitation.
- So, that's blood.
This are you sure this is a joke? I mean, maybe he walked in on a burglar or something.
Oh, we'll find out soon because he scored court-side tickets to the Clippers game tonight.
No way he's gonna miss that.
Sorry to break up this little class reunion, guys, but when was the last time you saw Mr.
Hildebrandt? - Hildebrandt.
- Didn't know Freck had a real name.
Thursday night.
Freck hasn't been to work in a couple days.
That's why we're here.
Anyone want a beer? Yeah.
I I'll take a beer.
- Sure.
- Wait.
Hold on.
- Yeah.
- I'm not I'm gonna stay here.
You don't touch that.
Why not? I can't have a beer in my own place? Don't I have certain inalienable rights? Don't I? I'm not sure which constitutional amendment covers the right to a beer.
Well, this could be a crime scene.
So everyone, please, outside.
And you know, you, uh you don't look too worried about your roommate.
Well, Robbie and Freck have a history of pranking each other.
Oh, my God.
They're epic.
You can see these online.
This Freck guy did he have any relatives that he would visit? Maybe a girlfriend, something? Freck has no family, except his mom, who lives in Belgium.
She disowned him.
And he's only got an ex-girlfriend Who is now my fiancée.
What?! You you got engaged to Nancy?! Yeah, about a month ago.
No way.
No way Freck's happy about that.
I'm sure.
Where were you last night? I stayed in, uh, ordered Netflix.
"Beerfest.
" - Just an American classic.
- Right.
Okay.
Got that? All right, I'm gonna need some more information about Freck.
- Sure.
- Maybe some contact info, something.
I I he's staying with me.
He has a cellphone Something's up.
- What's this about? - Oh, is it What do you think? Is it a dead body? I I'll take care of it.
Okay.
I got something here you need to see.
Okay, what is it? Appears to be blood.
Hey.
What are you doing? This isn't my car.
- What do we got, officer? - Get out of here.
Okay.
All right, come on.
Let's get this perimeter secure.
Sergeant's on his way.
What's up? Our client's about to be the prime suspect.
So, was Freck a jealous kind of guy maybe? - Not until - Robbie, don't say another word.
- Why? - Zip it.
Sorry, detective.
We're gonna have to shut this down.
He's a little cranky.
- We said zip it.
- Let's get out of here.
Ooh, what a mixture such a vivid picture Ooh, what a mixture if I must say so myself Freck Robbie Ambriano has been released on bail after his arrest Friday for the murder of his roommate Roderick Hildebrandt.
The 32-year-old Hermosa Beach resident - went missing two weeks ago.
- Shannon.
Oh.
Sorry, Peter.
- Hey.
- What's up? - We're gonna go in there.
- Oh, hey.
Stanton, we need some time off of fresh slice.
- Robbie's case has gone sideways.
- Yes, I heard.
It's Damien's turn, anyway, to do foundation work.
The foundation has been supporting fresh slice bakers.
The gang bangers? No, they're not gang members.
They're former gang members who have turned to baking as a way out.
I always thought I'd make a good gang member.
Minus the violence.
You'd just do the tagging.
- I love to paint.
- Hmm.
You can't be in our gang.
You're both ridiculous.
- But you can.
- Thank you.
Are you familiar with Brockmore Foods? Indeed the organic grocery store.
It's where my intern buys my quinoa.
- Oh, is it? - Yes.
It's where my intern buys the stick in my ass.
Mm.
I thought you two were busy.
- Yes.
- Yeah, sorry.
I don't believe this, guys.
There's no body, no weapon.
And yet I'm being charged with murder? It's corpus delicti.
- "Corpus delicti"? - Don't hurt yourself.
It means they can convict you without a body using the physical evidence the blood in the kitchen.
Demonstrative evidence, like Freck skipping out on the Clippers game.
- Court-side seats.
Who does that?- Right? - And motive.
- You killed your roommate, thinking he was having sex with your fiancée, then stuffed his body in your trunk and buried him in the Angeles forest.
She's kind of scary.
- But hot, right? - Yeah, very hot.
Mostly kind of busy.
You're in trouble.
- She doesn't believe me.
- You're right.
It's hard for me to believe that to keep you from marrying his old girlfriend, Freck's willing to send you to prison for murder and then go into hiding for the rest of his life.
Well, Freck is a trust-fund kid.
He can afford the infrastructure to survive.
Man, Freck has raised the bar on this one.
There's no way I could top this.
No, forget about pranking for a sec.
Did it occur to anyone that someone else may have killed him? He did piss a lot of people off.
That's why I got out of pranking.
Nancy said she wouldn't marry me unless I quit.
How are you gonna defend this? All the evidence points to Robbie, but Prosecution doesn't have a body.
So, highlight Freck's prank history and that he'd do anything to keep Nancy from marrying this guy.
- Okay.
- But color inside the lines.
- Did she say something? - Nope.
So, how did you and Nancy hook up? Freck introduced me to her at an S.
C.
Tailgate 10 years after they broke up.
But how do you not fall in love with someone? Just happens.
I don't know.
Just like Hailey Moore.
All right, can we not talk about Hailey Moore? Eighth grade she danced with him once.
First of all, it was a slow dance a very slow dance.
He takes out a page in the yearbook and he writes a poem using the first letter of every word spelling out Hailey Moore.
I don't want to talk about Hailey Moore anymore.
Okay? - We need to talk to your fiancée, though.
- Alone.
Go ahead.
Call her.
Just I hate what this is doing to her.
We need to also put together a reel of your greatest hits.
Nancy's got them all.
So, in this one prank, Freck had a fake lottery ticket made and gave it to our friend who manages a cigar store.
I just won 100 grand! Look at him.
He's so happy.
You keep that.
Keep the change! Oh.
Whoo! Whoo-hoo-hoo! Robbie.
Nice move.
So, Freck forged a fake lottery ticket? Yes, and, of course, Robbie couldn't wait to tell me.
So, he started to text me Oh! Oh, my Wow! Which almost got him killed.
Wow.
I told him not to text and walk.
You fell in love with these guys.
And like you two take life so seriously? Hey.
We've grown up.
Do it again.
Do it again.
Do it again.
Yeah, you guys still live together, and your fridge is a kegerator.
- You two have evolved.
- Oh.
Here we go.
Hey.
See if we ever invite you to one of our parties again.
No, don't do that.
I may be single.
But, Nancy, why didn't you marry Freck? I was just out of college, but Freck wanted to settle down.
He had no family growing up, and he wanted to start one.
Freck seemed fine when I started dating Robbie, but he changed when we got engaged.
Freck is emotionally compulsive.
That's code for cuckoo.
Nancy, we have to ask this because prosecution's gonna ask in court, but is there any chance that Robbie was jealous of your relationship with Freck and Killed him? No.
No, Robbie wouldn't do this.
Okay.
Fair enough.
We'll need you to testify and say just that.
Name the time and place.
- Thanks, Nancy.
- All right.
If Freck is alive, he'll know you're Robbie's lawyers.
He probably already knows your strengths and weaknesses.
Luckily, we don't have any weaknesses.
- That's the garage.
- Oh.
Bathroom.
Bathroom.
- Closet.
- Closet.
- Yeah, that's a closet.
- Yeah.
All right, the grill is lit.
She doesn't eat red meat.
Do we have chicken? We got chicken in the fridge.
Relax.
She's gonna smell the fear on you.
Beverages? Blue moon on ice and juice boxes.
Company.
Seashells or the seashells? Uh seashells.
Hi.
I'm Peter.
- I'm Tess.
- Hi, Tess.
Come on in.
And you are? Thirsty.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Welcome.
Thanks.
I have apple slices and raisins, juice boxes.
We also have Winnie the Pooh on blu-ray.
No, thank you.
Okay.
Well, I'd like you to meet some friends of mine.
This is Pindar, and that's Jared.
Hi.
Up top.
Ah, I'm taller.
Is he your life partner? He She's seen you guys take sunset walks along the beach.
And, Tess, it's a little early for, uh, personal questions.
See, sometimes, Tess, grown-ups take walks in order to Excuse me for one sec.
Hello? - Beer? - Yeah, sure.
Coming right up.
Boba! She's a big "Star Wars" fan.
Well, then, we'll get along great.
Hey, Pindy.
No playing with matches.
He burned our last house down to the ground.
On purpose? She's adorable.
Thank you.
Prosecution added another witness.
This is a big murder case that we're working on.
Ah, okay.
I'll let you guys talk about it.
Just a second.
Dr.
McKinney, Freck's therapist.
Cops talked to her right after Freck disappeared.
Yeah, a therapist can break privilege if their clients are in imminent danger.
How bad do you think it's gonna be? According to Dr.
McKinney's statement to the police, she's gonna testify that Freck feared for his life.
- He said you threatened him.
- Of course, he did.
I told you Freck played the long game.
He says you threatened him with bodily harm if he even so much as looked at your fiancée.
Come on.
Really? Guys, does that sound like me? All right, Robbie, Robbie.
If if you and Freck are pranking us Seriously, dude.
I can't speak for Freck, but I'm not.
Swear to you this is real.
So, what are we gonna do? Before we can highlight the pranking wars, we got to keep that therapist from testifying.
Dr.
McKinney hoped her intimate knowledge of Mr.
Hildebrandt's personal life might help investigators to find him.
Therefore, Dr.
McKinney's testimony to police should be admissible.
Your Honor, first, let me just say it is awesome to be in front of a judge who can pull off a goatee like that, 'cause most can't.
I remember I tried it back in the '90s.
- I looked like my own evil twin.
- You finished? Where does it say that we can't exchange pleasantries - before beginning a respectful discourse? - Yeah.
I don't know.
But I was thinking of having a sign made up says just that.
Gentlemen, I'm a busy man.
Yes, Your Honor.
Freck was presumed missing at the time, so his next of kin holds the right to waive doctor/patient privilege.
- "Freck"? - Mr.
Hildebrandt's nickname, Your Honor.
Uh, yeah the next of kin is Freck's Mr.
Hildebrandt's mother.
Well, your honor, Freck's mother lost touch with him 10 years ago.
If, in fact, she waived privilege, we'd like to know how Dr.
McKinney or the police contacted her.
I'm sure I can find that out easily enough.
Well, when you do, we would love to call her onto the stand.
- Uh, she lives in Belgium.
- Yeah, so we'll need an interpreter.
- She only speaks east Flemish.
- Yeah.
Ah.
All right.
The prosecution's request to have Dr.
McKinney as a witness is approved Thank you, Your Honor.
Right after Freck's mother is located and opposing counsel has a chance to question her.
Until then, gentlemen, this train is leaving the station.
Thank you, Your Honor.
And also, once again, I just Big, big sign.
Right over there.
- Yeah.
I'm starting to see it.
- So we should go.
Got it.
All right.
So, this whole operation started with just muffins and cheese sticks? That's why we can't lose the contract with Brockmore.
If we're blacklisted there, our name will be worthless.
No one else will sell them.
We think a simple legal-demand letter to Brockmore explaining that their anticipatory breach of the agreement should really Did you go to law school? University of San Quentin.
Hey.
Some guys worked out.
I read.
Anyway, they stopped all communication with us, then immediately the new shaker farms muffins were on the shelves.
Oh, you try spreading jam evenly on those cratered pucks of manure.
Shaker must offer more money for their space.
Brockmore took their money and pushed us out.
Yeah, but what about this? Brockmore Foods claims you tagged the Culver City store that carries your muffins as a way of endorsing the store to the neighborhood.
Not true.
I bet that tag goes back five years.
They're just using that as an excuse.
Perhaps, but unfortunately, article 12 of your deal states States that it's void if there's signs of any current gang affiliation, but we haven't run with the 32's in years.
We don't see any of those guys anymore.
Well, it's very difficult to prove.
Hey, we found out Brockmore Foods does this crap all the time.
They put out expired product, go back on their contracts, do bait-and-switch kind of stuff, too.
Look we can lean on their lack of communication.
Hopefully, they'll pay off the rest of the contract.
No.
Man, any one of our guys can make more money in a week pumping the streets than you guys make in a year.
We're here to prove ourselves legitimately.
Yes, but under the circumstances, I think a payout might be the best deal.
Best deal for who? So, Danny, you're not only aware of Freck's pranks, you were once a victim, correct? That's right, Peter.
A couple of years ago, me and Freck had lunch.
Afterward, I had to go to the bank.
What I didn't notice is that while I was in the bathroom, Freck had gotten into my backpack.
Wait, you left your stuff alone with Freck? - What were you thinking? - Yeah.
- There might have been some shots consumed.
- Uh-huh.
Anyway, I give the teller my deposit slip, she gets this weird look on her face, bends over and hands me a thick envelope.
I thought it was my withdrawal.
Well, I get outside.
I'm heading to my car.
Suddenly, there's cops everywhere.
Oh, man.
What did Freck do? He put a note into my banking slip saying I had a gun in my backpack and for the teller to hand over 1,000 bucks.
Freck.
He even put a toy gun and a Nixon mask in there for good measure.
Cops were not amused.
A Nixon mask? That's a great touch, 'cause I'll tell you, "Point Break" one of my top five.
- Yeah.
I can laugh now.
- Yeah.
Your honor, are you aware of what's happening right now? Well, besides you speaking when a witness is still on the stand? Yes, Your Honor, besides that.
Mr.
Kirk had just been handed photos of his wife in a compromising position with another man.
Yeah, the act is the noun for the Latin verb "fellare," which means - Should I be adjourning? - Uh, no, Your Honor, because these photos have been digitally manipulated by my partner and I using a laptop.
Your Honor, it's really good.
The bottom one is the best.
And, see, right about now, Mr.
Kirk is being told that the photos are a fake.
So, we're gonna need to position two bailiffs right about here.
Yeah, in four, three, two Think that's funny? You think this is funny? - Order! - Mr.
Kirk, stand down.
- Little pricks.
- Oh, whoa.
You gonna let him use that language, Your Honor? Your honor, he couldn't even speak Latin, and he can say "little pricks" in court? I'm holding you both in contempt.
Thank you.
Proves our point, Your Honor.
Jealousy leads to irrational anger.
And people will prank one another even if it means risking their own personal freedom.
I had fun, guys.
- This was fun, Danny.
- Yeah.
We are adjourned.
The food is very underrated in lockup.
The lasagna at county is delicious.
Bologna melt at wayside.
Three stars, at least.
I tell you, we should start a zagat guide for jail food.
Trademark it.
Hey.
How's everything going at Fresh Slice? You need anything? We like those guys.
Well, if you liked them, you wouldn't have dumped them on me.
Well, we had a friend who was being charged with murder, so we had to prioritize.
And again, we're asking if you need anything, so we do care.
Well, yes, I do, actually.
Perhaps you could tell the boys in the hood to keep it real and listen to their lawyer and not mad-dog me every time that I give them premium legal advice at $50 a word.
Word.
We're not gonna do that.
'Cause maybe you're not giving them primo legal advice, and maybe it's because you're scared of Brockmore.
- You smell.
- Good? - No.
- Okay.
You know, some of us can actually win cases without going to jail.
Some of us, but not you.
Please, it's you actually you smell awful.
I think I'm gonna throw up.
No, here.
Just take my 27-year-old scotch and get out of here.
- Go.
- All right.
- Thanks.
Okay.
- Well, if you need anything.
Well, if I need anything, I'll follow you by just using this.
Are you looking for buried treasure? Actually, I'm looking for buried health hazards like beer caps, shrapnel, disposed hypodermic needles.
Maybe gold.
Oh, there's something right here.
Something no, wait.
No, you're not wearing gloves! You'll cut your finger off! Do you know how many heroin addicts just Whoa.
It's a Canadian loonie.
That's worth 92 American cents.
- I can sterilize that.
- Can I have it? What?! No! I have the equipment.
You just dug your hand Sure.
- You can have it.
- Thank you.
"Thank you.
" Hey.
They're saying online that after yesterday, we've made this a dogfight.
Odds for acquittal were 15-to-1.
Now they're 3-to-1.
Why are you sitting on the floor? You can relate better to a child if you get on their level.
That's why they invented Indian-style seating in kindergarten.
Pretty sure the Indians invented that for sitting.
Tess.
Pindar found a loonie for me.
Oh, Pindy's the best, isn't he? He's great.
You ready for our guitar lesson? So, I'm gonna teach you an "A" chord.
This is an "A" chord.
- That's the open "A" chord.
- Right.
The barre "A" chord is way better.
The ba W where'd you learn that? Mom's old boyfriend taught me.
We went out.
I wouldn't say he was my boyfriend.
Oh, yeah? What's his name? - Richie Sambora.
- Tess.
What? Bon Jovi, "Crocodile Dundee" hat, on-a-steel-horse-he-rides Richie Sambora? You know, Peter does a pretty good rendition of "Bed of Roses" if you get him drunk.
Some say better than the original.
Nobody says that.
Can I get up? Sure, honey.
Richie Sambora.
That's that's awesome.
It didn't work out.
You are getting killed on every front with Charlie.
I am not.
Pindar is crushing you.
Who's Pindar? Yes! No.
whoo What is this? I come in peace.
Who are you? Hello, Pindar.
It's been way too long.
Freck? The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.
you're jaded, jaded What? Freck.
Freck! Freck! I saw his eyes.
I looked right into them.
It was Freck.
I told you he was alive.
What else was he wearing? A speedo.
That's a brave man to get out of the ocean wearing a speedo.
Freck fears nothing.
That's why he's Freck.
So, what are we gonna do? Are we gonna we gonna call the cops? Pindy? Pindy.
Pindy! - Huh? - You sure it was this guy? Yeah.
I could be surer if he had his name tattooed on his forehead, which he did.
W what? He had "Freck" tattooed on his forehead.
Pindy, Freck has no tattoos.
Okay, wait a minute.
How close were you, Pindy? He walked right up to me, and he took off his diving helmet, and he says, "the reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.
" Pindy, are you high? What? Okay, I'm on 72 different prescribed medications, but I know what I saw, okay? Look, Pindy is a lot of things claustrophobic, agoraphobic, neurotic, with Epstein-Barr and irritable bowel syndrome, but he's not a liar.
Thank you, Jared.
Hey, hey.
Got a second? Not really.
Great.
I need you back on Fresh Slice.
It's very difficult to prove that rehabbed gang members are no longer in a gang.
We'd love to, but we got a break in our murder case.
Well, obviously, I'm the only one who cares about people.
Damien? Whoa, careful.
It could be a Replicant.
Now! Steady.
- Hold still.
- Huh? Dilation of the pupils appear normal.
- Let him go.
- Continue.
Proceed, "Damien.
" Brockmore has made screwing people corporate policy.
They send out these discount coupons with gotcha fine print and they've got vendor contracts with trap doors so Brockmore can get out at the last minute.
And the guys at Fresh Slice, they're just trying to turn their lives around.
Is this really about helping the little guy? Do you want us to get our hands dirty so you don't have to? Both.
Look Greg Harrell, the counsel at Fresh Slice, is a Mason.
And so is a member of the judicial selection committee.
They talk.
- Mason? - Mm-hmm.
- So, they're tight, right? - Mm-hmm.
- Like in "Da Vinci code"? - It's real.
You afraid of the albino? I need your help, please.
I need your h I need your help, please.
- What did he say? - Michael Phelps.
I need your help, please.
- I don't know.
- And he likes Just give me some damn help! - Okay.
- Fine.
- Easy.
Geez.
- Negative cyborg.
Then let's put him on the stand.
He's our only eyewitness.
Our eyewitness is a lawyer for the defense.
The prosecution will hammer us.
Yeah, let's listen to Pindar's testimony out loud.
"I saw a man rise from the ocean wearing a Jules Verne diving helmet, speedo, and the name 'Freck' tattooed on his forehead.
" Quoting Mark Twain.
We'll look desperate and crazy.
On top of that, it's Pindy.
I don't know this Pindy.
Oh, he's a lovely human being.
One of the most decent, lucid men I think I've ever known.
Anyway We got to stop being reactive and start being proactive.
We have to think like Freck and bring the war to him.
- Like you did in court.
- Like what we did in court.
Exactly.
Why did Freck show his face this way? Why does the arsonist return to where he set the fire? To watch it burn.
Freck knows we scored points by blocking the therapist's testimony, and the prank we pulled on the D.
A that made our point with the jury.
Suddenly, we've made this a horse race.
So he reveals himself to our weakest link, hoping that we put Pindy on the stand and he has a meltdown of an eyewitness account.
An eyewitness is an eyewitness.
We can't beat Freck with this kind of caveman lawyering.
Quit making this guy out to be Keyser Soze.
He's a punk.
Look Pindar's sanity aside, I I agree with the boys on this one.
It's just too risky to put him on the stand, - so stay the course.
- All right.
Thanks.
Well, don't thank me.
Just get it right.
Oh, you're smooth.
Yeah, well, you won't come inside, so I have to work with what I've got.
I have to get the sitter home.
Okay.
I'll walk you home.
I'd like that.
You know, I'm I'm curious, um, how long was it before Richie met Tess? Really? You're gonna ask me about that now? You've already met Tess.
As a neighbor.
I I I just want, like, a marker or something when you want to start taking this seriously, 'cause then I'll know when to bail.
I don't think there's a rule book or a timeline.
Every situation is different.
Ah, situation, okay.
Okay.
Yeah, that works for me.
Whatever this is, I like it.
I like it, too.
I just got out of a relationship not too long ago, so, you know, I don't want to rush into anything.
Oh, really? Define, uh, "rushing.
" Really? You want to talk about that now? * I was bored anyway * * I left my love in the room * * that's okay * * I was born in L.
A.
* Richie Sambora.
Please.
Yeah, what does he got? Rock-star status, platinum records, private jet, pfft! Surprised the guy's not a virgin.
Oh.
It's Pindy.
Hey, Pindy, what's up? Did you get the e-mail I sent you? Pindy, if it's another photo of fat people bowling, I'm gonna come through the phone.
Surveillance footage.
Shared discovery from the prosecution.
So, you bought a shovel, rope, and tarp? Where did they get this? It was sent anonymously to the prosecution.
- Freck.
- Is what we're saying.
So, what's so bad about it? Well, the prosecution's saying that you killed Freck and buried the body.
No, no.
I I bought that shovel and tarp to bury a pig.
We were gonna throw a luau for Nancy's birthday.
- What? - A luau? - Yeah.
- Dude, that's crazy.
You can't piggyback a birthday party onto a theme party.
Yeah, it's either a casino night or Margarita Monday or a birthday party.
No mixing.
That's a rookie move.
It was Freck's idea.
Okay, it's okay, 'cause Nancy can back us up.
She knew about the luau, right? What luau? It was a surprise party.
She didn't know about it because I was arrested before we had a chance to throw it.
Okay, a surprise luau birthday party? Right? Stick to pranking.
Freck told me to buy that shovel and that tarp.
He knew a police investigation would bring this stuff out.
He's kind of awesome.
Yeah, he should be terrorizing Gotham.
Guys.
I'm on trial for murder here.
Look who just realized this isn't a joke.
Okay, look, none of the items you purchased have shown up on any evidentiary reports.
Which means they don't have it.
Which means, if you can find those items, it goes towards proving you didn't ditch evidence.
They're in the garage.
I swear this stuff is here.
I'm sure the police already looked.
This is why the items weren't on the evidence report.
You weren't a little suspicious when Freck wanted to throw a surprise luau party? I'm sorry, Nancy.
I don't blame you for not wanting to marry me, but I did not kill Freck.
You don't want to marry me, do you? I I don't know.
Uh, conjugal sex isn't exactly on my bucket list.
- Uh, should we step outside? - No.
This is exactly what Freck wants, you know that? He wants to blow us up.
If you don't marry me, Freck will have won.
Is that what you want? I don't care who wins! This isn't about winning! I'm sorry Robbie.
I love you.
I think you're innocent, but I didn't sign up for this.
I'm not having a prison wedding.
Well, what about having the wedding before he's sentenced? You mean I'm gonna say I'm guilty? - Sort of.
- Yeah.
Freck is competitive and compulsive, right? Right.
But I bet he loves Nancy more than he hates Robbie.
You said he's trying to blow you guys up.
What would happen if you guys got married? He'd explode.
You'd see the fireball on earth from deep space.
- There's a way to bring Freck back from the dead.
- How? - By giving up? - Yeah.
We want to throw in the towel.
We want to cop a plea.
That's your version of being proactive and thinking like Freck? - Uh-huh.
- Yep.
If you want to crash and burn If that's a yes, we'll take it.
Great.
Uh-huh.
Can Robbie take us to the body? Ah, he says he dumped it in the ocean.
But he stole a skiff, and he'll put it all in the written confession.
Well, what happened to "Freck is alive and crawled out of the ocean"? Word around town is you guys have a witness who saw him.
Pindar? Yeah, turns out he mixed Ativan with sake.
I ever meet Pindar, I'll punch him out.
W we told you the photos aren't real.
He's never met your wife.
Still, the images are seared in my brain.
We're sorry.
Go ahead and just punch us.
By "us," I mean him.
You got to admit, though, it was pretty funny Pindar and your wife.
Mean mugging.
One more thing.
Conjugal visits.
- Robbie's not married.
- Two more things.
We also want the judge who sentences Robbie to officiate the wedding.
Are you out of your mind? Judge will never go for that.
Okay, well, we'll just call this whole thing off, you take your chance with the jury.
With no murder weapon and no body, but, ah, you'll be fine.
- Yeah.
- I'll make it work.
Okay.
Well, if you excuse us, we have a wedding to plan.
Good work, Pindy.
This really has to get media traction.
I've sent the link to TMZ.
There you go.
Hey, what does one wear to a wedding/prison sentencing? I don't know.
Uh, business attire? Well, the appropriate attire for a day wedding would be a morning suit unless the groom is wearing the same.
Go with that.
Jared, the I bet mine still fits.
Don't get me wrong, I like her.
But she's no Mrs.
Smucker's.
Betty Crocker, give me a slice of that.
- Hey, hey.
- Right there in the kitchen.
- Sure.
- They're both nice, but you know which one I like? The Quaker Oats lady, eh? - Quaker Oats lady? - Yeah, yeah.
You know, that's a that's a - She got the hat.
- Gentlemen.
- That's actually a - A what? Gentlemen.
Can we start? Yeah, uh, you guys have no proof that our clients had anything to do with the tagging.
You're using the tagging as an excuse to sell shaker farms.
Excuse me? Gentlemen, let's work this out amicably.
Tagging our store was a hostile act, not an amicable one, Mr.
Karp.
All right, then.
You want a street fight.
What's going on? Did you leave your balls in the glove compartment? I probably should go get them.
In California, a criminal street gang is defined as "an ongoing organization of a group of three or more persons, whether formal or informal, that commits crimes as one of its primary activities.
" We're familiar with the legal definition of a gang.
You were sued in 2009 by Manchester Doughnuts for contract violation, and, in 2013, part of a class action for false advertising.
You also have a common name and an identifying symbol.
It's another part of the California code.
And there are five, six board members, - which means, by legal definition - You're the gang.
Not Fresh Slice.
Are you out of your mind? This meeting is over.
A actually, Greg, gang charges are criminal, which would lead to a grand-jury investigation.
I'm sure they'd love to hear how Brockmore Foods goes after a charity that helps men and women put their lives back together.
Those allegations would have to be brought by a district attorney.
No D.
A.
in this town would touch these charges.
Nice try.
Being a judge is overrated.
- You did good, Karp.
- Yeah.
God knows you need the karma.
And eligible for parole in the year 2038.
Is there anything you'd like to say to the family of the deceased? Well, uh, Freck really doesn't have any family, unless you count his mom, who sent me a nice thank-you note.
But I I am truly sorry for what I did because I could use a best man.
That it? Pretty much.
Okay, then.
The second part of today's hearing.
You sure this is gonna work? We try not to be sure about anything.
- We support their decision - What does that even mean? To commit themselves to each other we're never surprised.
For the rest of their lives, which is an honorable estate, not to be entered into lightly, but reverently.
That being said, do you, Mr.
Ambriano I I'm sorry.
What happened to the "if anyone here feels these two should not be wed, let them speak now or forever hold your peace"? We don't do that in California.
- Really? - Yeah.
Oh.
Sorry.
Go on.
Okay.
Thanks.
Do you, Robbie Ambriano, take Nancy Denuff for your lawfully wedded wife? I do.
And do you, Nancy Denuff, take Mr.
Ambriano for your lawfully wedded husband? I do - Not.
- Sorry? - What? - I do not take you as my husband.
I I can't marry you knowing what you did.
I can't marry you because I still love Freck.
I'm sorry.
Oh, that was unexpected.
No, I knew it.
I knew it.
- You knew it? - Yeah.
Hey, uh, fellas, you still want me to mention the, uh, refreshments down the hall? - I wouldn't.
- Yeah.
Okay.
Bailiff? Lock him up.
Congratulations.
You look great in blue, Robbie.
Yeah.
It's always darkest before the dawn.
Robbie Ambriano has pleaded guilty to murder.
And shockingly, his would-be bride, Nancy Denuff, has professed her love for Freck Hildebrandt The man ambriano has confessed to killing.
- Hey, baby.
- Freck? I told everyone the reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You did all this for me? No, I just wanted to break you two up, live on the down-low.
I would have come forward in a couple of years, but then when you said you loved me, I just couldn't let you suffer any longer.
Let's get out of here.
- Ow.
- Not the face.
Ohh, that was a ginger slap! You're a monster.
You bastards.
Detectives, may I present Roderick "Freckles" Hildebrandt.
It's a pleasure to meet the legend.
Cuff him.
Sorry, Freck.
But I am flattered.
Don't be too mad.
- He looks mad.
- A little bit.
Best case, you'll be charged with a false emergency.
But we're hoping for worst-case.
You don't want to get in the cage with me, boys.
- Is that a threat? - You want a piece of this? - Huh? - I think you should, uh, leave that alone.
Come on.
Let's go.
Fella's sharp.
Yeah, you better walk away.
All right, guys.
Get the freck out of here.
Really frecked him up.
So, uh, you're free tonight, I'm guessing.
Yeah.
Let's go to your place.
I do.
Please, take a seat.
Unfortunately, Harrell was right.
No district attorney in Beverly Hills would take this case on.
But fortunately for muffin lovers everywhere, Brockmore opened a new store in Lynwood.
That happens to be the home of the newly elected district attorney who's willing to fight for people of all walks of life.
Yeah, Brockmore caved immediately when he agreed to spearhead a grand-jury investigation into their practices.
Now, here's the new contract with Brockmore Foods.
I think it's most agreeable, in the opinion of your counsel.
Thank you.
Anything you need.
Yeah, man.
You have our card.
Actually, c could I get a picture with you guys? - Yeah.
Totally.
Cool.
- Great.
All right.
Yeah, okay.
Everyone in there? Okay.
On three.
One, two, three.
Well, this life ain't half bad.
No.
Well, if we ever get married, we can do it like Stanton marry four times, keep it fresh.
Not me, man.
I'm like an emperor penguin.
Mate for life.
You are like an emperor penguin.
Or the schistosoma mansoni worm.
The mansoni worm reproduces within the human body and forms loyal, monogamous pair bonds.
Stuff of Shakespeare.
Well, except when it causes snail fever, which triggers vomiting and fever and uncontrollable defecation.
You get that? Sorry.
What's up, guys? What's going on? Um, more guests are arriving.
Would one of those include your mom? Always with the mother jokes.
My mother is a Saint, and you would be lucky to - Talking to Tess? - Mm-hmm.
Sorry.
She'll be here in a minute.
She needs to be alone with Billy.
- Billy.
- Billy.
- * stuck inside an hourglass * - I got to go.
you can't get out yourself There's the top of the wedding cake, and without a file baked in it.
Congrats.
I was looking forward to those conjugal visits.
I have no problem with that.
We can still role-play.
Do you have a sister? Who's Billy? What are you doing? Uh, we have a boss who wanted us to finish a lot of work, but we're done.
Who's Billy? My mom says you ask a lot of questions.
I am a lawyer.
It's my job.
But my mom isn't your job.
Fair enough.
One last question.
Would you like some kind of soda high in fructose? - Sure.
- Okay.
That was easy.
All right, let's get you good and sugared up.
Don't throw me under the bus when your mom gets here, okay? All right.
There she is.
Hi.
Hi.
Hi.
How are you? Good.
I'm sorry I'm late.
Uh-huh, no worries.
Can I get you a Margarita? Yes, please.
I was, uh, meeting with a realtor.
A realtor? Why? I'm, uh, thinking about putting my dad's house on the market.
You moving? If I move San Francisco.
I've been offered a job to work up at the sports medical center.
I've really wanted it for a while.
That's fantastic.
Yeah.
I haven't decided whether I'm gonna take it.
you better find a way out Two margaritas coming right up.
Hey.
We should set up a play date for Pindy and Tess.
Can it be here? Pindar has better toys.
Absolutely.
Well, I think these guys have day jobs, honey.
Mm.
Hey, I'm sorry.
Tess sees me as such a father figure.
Pindy, she sees you as a baby brother.
Hey, Tess.
How would you like to keep Boba? Because Pindy just whispered in my ear, and he would like you to keep Boba.
Really?! Aww, are you sure, Pindar? Yeah.
Uh, you know what? On second thought, Boba doesn't travel well, plus you know, his wife, Sintas Vel, is gonna be so upset if he hangs out with another woman.
Remember when I gave you a loonie? That was, like, 92 American cents.
I don't want to give her too much and spoil her.
It's for her own good.
S so you're saying she's spoiled? - Pindy.
- No.
Just that a role model for a girl shouldn't be a bounty hunter.
I could get you a Barbie doll.
I have one in, like, a flight-attendant outfit.
- That's just sexist.
- Wow.
A all right, you can keep him.
Okay.
We'll borrow him.
Pindy, you're gonna make an amazing father someday.
Hey, Tess, you want to play a game Pindy loves to play called let's bury Boba in the ocean? You know what we should do? We should introduce Boba to our balloon launcher.
- Oh, he'd love that.
- No, he no, he can't swim.
He'll sink.
Hi's armor's too heavy.
Hey.
Let's play another game.
Uh, it's called take care of the rare collectible.