Grimsburg (2024) s03e06 Episode Script

[female therapist] Why don't we
start from the beginning?
[both moaning]
[Florence]
Okay, I guess it all began
the moment I realized I had
[screams]
my mother's legs.
- [male announcer] This Friday
- [gasping]
one of the 34 producers
- of Hereditary
- [screams]
presents a metaphor
so frightening,
we're not even sure
what it means.
[ominous tone]
[man] Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
You got a permit
for those veins?
[laughs]
Hmm?
[gun clicks]
[screams]
Do you think
you're afraid of aging?
[squelching]
[male announcer]
This weekend
- Huh.
- you can run,
but she really
shouldn't.
I think it's smart.
Or is it stupid?
Either way, we gotta see it.
[theme music playing]
Could I please see
My Mother's Legs?
Oh, I knew
I breastfed you too long.
No, it's a new horror movie.
Oh, hon,
you can't see a scary movie.
You slept in my bed
for a week after you saw
that black-and-white
Cymbalta commercial.
[grunts]
- Something wrong with your chair?
- No!
There's something wrong
with you!
You don't let me do
anything I want.
So, I I don't care for you.
Oh, that's it!
Your father is going
to give you a talking to.
If I can reach him.
And if he's conscious.
What is this?
Does your mom want me
to give you the sex talk?
Isn't that Pornhub's job?
She won't let me
see a scary movie.
And you won't let me
sit in the front seat.
It's so annoying! Ugh!
Hey! Quit having a tantrum!
Will you grow up?
You two won't let me.
I wish I was an adult.
I hate being a kid.
[tires screeching]
Are you kidding?
Chilhood is carefree,
no consequences.
But not adulthood.
Did you know my cardiologist
is forcing me
to wear a step tracker now?
Not for health reasons,
but so he has a paper trail
when I die prematurely
and my beneficiaries
try to sue him.
- You vulture.
- [scoffs]
You don't believe me, do you?
Fine.
I'll show you how hard it is
being a mediocre adult.
This is your best example?
Hey! Kids in the kiddie corner.
[scoffs]
Always treating me like a kid.
Kids, huh?
They don't know
how easy they got it.
Or do they?
Whoa! Return to sender!
You just offended
the wrong magical hag.
Perhaps it's time you learned
a lesson in empathy by
walking a mile
in someone else's shoes.
[thunder claps]
The next hand you shake
will be the body you take.
Enjoy your curse!
Curse? Are you kidding?
I can't wait to choose
what body I switch with.
I could have boobs
or be an eagle.
Or an eagle with boobs!
Thanks, old hag.
Maybe ugly people
do have something to offer.
Dad, wait!
Where are you,
Sydney Sweeneagle?
Dad, please,
can I see the movie?
I can handle it.
[voice slows, deepens]
I'm a big boy now.
[deep rumbling,
car alarms blaring]
[birds squawking]
I have ba-ack problems!
[Harmony] But, Mom,
I've never heard Stan
talk to me like that.
[growls]
I'm not eating my son.
That can't be the answer
to every problem I have.
[soft growl]
[sighs] You're right.
Maybe it's time
I put my foot down.
Thanks. Enjoy your dinner.
[growls]
[chuckles] Oh, Mom.
[phone clicks, beeps]
[gulps]
[snoring]
Wake up, Barbra Strei-Stan.
[screaming]
Stop screaming, Mr. Flesh.
My head hurts worse than it did
afterLady Bird
didn't pick up a single Oscar.
Stan?
Is that you?
Of course it's me.
Why?
[screaming]
- [hyperventilating]
- It's okay. You're safe now.
[grunts] Ew!
Are you okay?
[gasps]
He's gonna figure you out.
Quick!
Act like an adult.
Uh, Roth Ira.
Yes, I love Roth and Ira
in the morning.
Fun radio show.
The best!
Bye!
Whew!
That was some quick thinking.
Huggies Pre-Teens?
This is Stan's stupid body!
Dad,
it's me in your amazing body!
Oh!
Mary J. Blige!
We must have switched
when you grabbed my hand.
We gotta find the hag
who did this to us.
What did you do to my underchin?
It's all swollen and bloated.
All I did was use the bathroom.
Nine times.
Is there a knob
to adjust urine pressure?
The velocity scares me.
Okay, no more Mr. Nice Mom.
Time for
What are you doing here?
Uh, uh
My handsome, strong-streamed dad
just came to take me out
for a father-son day.
No, it's a school day.
Uh,
maybe we should listen to Mom.
Did you just take my side?
What's your angle?
Another loan?
No, you still haven't
paid me back for the crypto
you swore would pay
for Stan's college.
It's not like it was
Hawk Tuah Coin.
It was Hawk Three-ah.
Who wouldn't invest
in that kind of wordplay?
In Dad's defense.
Just get ready
and meet me in the car.
Great.
Now we have to wait
until tonight to find the hag,
and I'll have to spend
the day at school?
Ha! This'll be like
a vacation but free.
Except my taxes pay
for your school.
[groans] I hate being an adult.
But wait! I'm a kid!
[chuckles]
And I'll be at your job
doing whatever I want.
This is gonna be awesome.
For me.
You're gonna be miserable
once you see
how tough my school is.
Well, good luck relaxing
in a room full of detectives.
Those guys are
professional tattletales
who spend their days
sniffing out the truth.
But you better not crack,
because I don't want you
ruining my vacation.
In fact, give me my phone.
[phone chimes]
What are you doing?
I'm documenting the condition
of the loaner vehicle
because I know
you're gonna mess it up.
Let's see.
Scuff on the right shoe.
Bum knee.
Razor wire tramp stamp.
Train tracks from
wearing my belt too tight.
Fly down.
Innie belly button,
and I want it to stay that way.
I'll send you a copy
for your records. Now get!
Damn. Forgot to ask
if he wanted Sirius.
[sighs]
First up, ditching these.
Ah! Everything's gone! Help!
Ooh, I gotcha, Stan.
Ah, there's the world! Huh.
Honestly, I thought these
were props.
I'll have what he's having.
Medication-wise.
No meds here, except some "do
whatever the Vitamin F I want."
[laughs] Wait!
Let's do a prank.
When I was young,
like today,
I always wanted to pull
The Office Depoo.
You drop a number two
in your teacher's desk.
And I ain't talkin' pencils.
How is that a prank?
Because the desk was empty,
and then you fill it with
You know what?
You're a terrible hang.
Your dad was right.
They're gonna read you faster
than you read
all the Percy Jacksons.
So figure out what to do
and fit in
like a kid who hasn't read
all the Percy Jacksons.
Good morning, sluts.
That's how I talk.
I'm rude.
Um, I thought we could talk about
what we're all doing today.
I know we all know what that is,
but let's say it out loud
together, for fun.
Thought I would update
my firmware.
I'm hoping this version
is the one
Wynona finally finds dateable.
I've decided this is the century
I learn how to do a cartwheel.
And I'm filling out the forms
to see if I'm eligible
for theMaterialistssurgery.
Then I'll be tall enough
to ride The Viper.
Wow!
Your dad really exaggerated
the microscope you'd be under.
But we shouldn't be surprised,
given the way
he oversoldGooniesto us.
They're too busy to notice me.
Should we notice you?
Me?
No, nothing to notice here.
Good breakfast, good breakfast,
good breakfast, good breakfast.
No notes.
We got this.
[bell ringing]
[straining grunts]
Ah, Stan!
Tardy to Student Council.
A rare offense.
But let it be known,
bureaucracy waits for no one!
Except the treasurer,
for she has the key
to the snack cabinet.
Mmm!
Mm-hmm.
The first item of business
is a fundraiser
to clean the lead out
of the drinking fountain water.
President Stan,
the floor is yours.
President, huh?
[chuckles] Nerd alert.
Okay.
Classic lead
in the water situation.
How about six words?
Brita. Filter. Fountains.
Meeting. Adjourned. Bye-ee!
How does that do anything?
Uh, how did the ice bucket
challenge do anything?
If it was up to you,
everyone would have ALS.
Meeting over!
Everybody out!
I need to do some grunt work.
Uh, I can do that grunt work
for you, Mr. President.
[extended bleep]
I knew being an adult
would be easy.
It's mostly asking people
how their weekend was
or is going to be.
You can probably go either way
on Wednesday.
Plus all the fun stuff
we can do now.
Own a flamethrower.
Get an STD on a beach-based
reality dating show.
Serve on a jury.
Or be tried as an adult!
Tried as an adult?
That's it!
Hey, chums.
You know how we're
all adults over 18?
What if we took advantage
of that
and we went to see
My Mother's Legs?
Can we go? Please?
Pretty please?
Ple-e-e-e-e-ase?
Pretty please?
Pl-Pl-Pl-Please?
Please, please, please?
Okay, we'll go.
Just stop doing that.
Whoo-hoo!
[laughing]
Whoop-whoop!
Can someone else be
the one to say,
"What the hell is wrong
with Flute?"
Isn't it obvious?
You said he was acting odd
this morning.
Now he's acting odd again.
Two odds make an even.
Even Stephen.
Stephen is the druggiest
of the Baldwin brothers.
Flute is on drugs.
[laughing enthusiastically]
[Martinez]
What drug do you think he's on?
[Wynona]
Probably meth.
It's trending again,
like tiny purses.
Nah, Flute's old school.
Has to be coke.
Well, you know
what this means.
We gotta take bets.
I got weed.
[laughing]
Ugh.
You got any high-fiber options?
[grunts]
Stan, you need to renew
your line leader license.
Stan, don't forget
your shift today
at the school confessional.
And I'm a student priest?
Aren't there child labor laws?
That's what we're fighting for
in the Child Labor Law Club,
which needs you
to stay late today.
[bell ringing]
[alarm blares, bell ringing]
[sighs]
Stan, there you are!
[walkie beeps]
Everyone, I found the Fire Czar,
and he's gonna
lead us to safety!
Sorry.
Wrong hat.
You excited to see this?
I am.
When I saw the trailer, it was
really cool and it was really
Well, based on
all that chattering,
it seems Flute's taken
the white bus
out of Snort Authority
to ski down the powdery snow
of old Booger Sugar Mountain,
nose first.
I'm saying he's on cocaine.
Please. Look at all
the munchies he's bought.
He's higher than a bar stool.
Some people find those
very high.
We did it.
Time for our rarely used
victory handshake.
[laughs]
"Meth-thinks" that money
is mine.
Wait.
Is he shooting up?
This way, I can't cover my eyes
during the scary parts.
[retching] Sorry!
I can't do this.
I had too many gummies
and way too much Coke
and all the other bad stuff
I'm not allowed to have!
You guys,
Flute's not on one drug.
He's on all of them!
[bell ringing]
Time to pinch this off
my bucket list.
[grunting]
Imagine you're ten minutes
into a six-hour drive
and you had every chance to go
before we left,
but no!
Talking to your
imaginary friend?
Pentos!
You scared everything
but the crap out of me.
What are you doing?
Asks the bare-bottom boy
crouched over
my knicknack drawer.
[grunts]
I was trying to do
The Office Depoo,
patent pending.
But I've been so slammed
with school stuff,
I didn't have time to eat,
which is a pretty im-poo-tant
part of the op-poo-ration.
And the worst part?
I'm losing faith.
In this prank, in myself,
in the puns.
Is it even funny?
Are you laughing?
I'm not!
And now,
I'm gonna get poo-nished.
[whispers]
Why can't I stop?
Well, this is
your first demerit,
and you seem to have learned
some kind of lesson or whatever.
I will not punish you,
but I must call your mother.
Ohh,
the-thing-I-can't-do-right-now.
My parents were right.
I'm no big boy.
Bright side.
Theatrical box office
is down 50% since '02,
so only half the people saw you
run out crying like a baby.
Permission to sit awkwardly
on the edge of your desk?
[grunts]
We know what's going on.
How long have you known?
Since this morning.
The movie just confirmed it.
But I got a surprise for you.
A surprise?
Either we get you back
to the man you used to be,
or we forcibly send you
somewhere that can.
It's okay.
We knew you'd be
institutionalized one day.
That's why we keistered
those lockpicking tools.
Damn!
They're in your other body.
We're screwed.
Flute, as a cyborg, there are
few things that can hurt me:
North Korean malware,
electromagnetic pulses,
a Brillo Pad,
and after today,
I'm adding
"watching you suffer."
I pray that you can
turn it around,
or at least turn it into
an Emmy-winning stand-up special
like John Mulaney.
[sobbing]
He's so precise!
As your imaginary counsel,
I advise you to stay cool,
keep quiet,
and take any one of these pills.
Except the green ones.
[exclaims in gibberish]
Usually I'm the first in line
to see you suffer,
but you are not yourself.
Hold the line.
There's no way they can know.
This precinct needs you,
but you seem like
a completely different person.
Like you're wearing
somebody else's skin
and doing things you'd never do.
Your dad was right.
They know everything.
Abandon ship!
You're right.
I'm not who you think I am.
I'm a little boy trapped
in a big boy body.
I want my mommy!
[sobs]
[Summers] Mmm.
[beeping, chimes]
I tested Flute's hair.
No drugs!
He's clean!
Eh, though his liver is failing.
Well, that's just
from his drinking.
Yeah, and no need
for an intervention there,
because if we gave him one
for that,
then we all need one
for our gambling addiction.
But we don't,
because alcohol
and gambling are both legal!
[all cheering]
[grunts] I can't do it
when people are watching.
[Harmony] Talking back.
Pulling the fire alarm.
Pooping in a teacher's desk?
Oh, you really are
your father's child.
Please, woman.
I just sat down.
That's it!
I've had enough!
I didn't want to be my mother,
but you leave me no choice.
I have to spank you.
Finally!
Something good!
Let's do this.
I've been a very bad boy.
And bad boys need to be oh!
Okay!
This is not not good!
This isn't how I like it!
I hope you've learned
your lesson.
Yeah, I've learned you've
ruined spankings for me.
Oh, Flute, I hurt our son!
I wanted to help,
but maybe I'm just a bad mom.
No, you're a great mom who was
trying to protect her son.
And if he had just listened
to you in the first place,
none of this stupid day
would've happened.
Do you really think I was right?
I've always thought
you were right.
I don't know if it's the popcorn
on your breath
or the way you said
I was right
No, well, it was definitely
the way you said I was right.
But I feel like I owe you
a favor now.
Is there anything
I can do for you?
Boy, could you ever.
My tummy hurts.
Aww.
Does someone need a tummy rub?
Ahh, that's nice.
- It was a really hard day.
- How hard?
Really har Uh!
No! No sex!
I have to see my son!
So, how's it been going
being a kid?
Good.
Easy.
Living the dream.
You?
No, yeah, same, same.
So easy.
Oh, I lied.
Today was very disturbing.
You're telling me!
I'm gonna have
to get a new kink.
We gotta go to the bar
and switch back.
You drive.
I can't figure out reverse.
[indistinct chatter]
- Ah!
- Way too pretty.
Flute, your usual.
[gulps]
Ah!
We just need to find
that old hag.
Well, that's gonna be hard.
All these grown ladies
are stunning.
I got this.
Attention, alcoholics!
We're looking for an ugly woman!
Ooh, I'm your huckleberry.
Ew!
But maybe later.
Is tonight Hag Queen Bingo?
CueDreamweaver.
That's her!
Turn us back!
I'm not changing you back.
You haven't learned your lesson!
Ah!
[both gasp]
She came out of nowhere!
[groans]
She's dead,
which means we'll never
be able to switch back.
[crying, frustrated grunts]
I forgot how good
a tantrum feels.
It's like booze
through movement.
But I can't live your life.
I'm not a big boy.
I don't know how you do it.
They were all staring at me.
[hyperventilating]
Hey, shh.
It's okay.
People should be staring at you.
Because you're amazing.
I lived your life today,
and you do so, so much,
all without a single
working eyeball.
You are a big boy.
A responsible big boy,
and that's the best kind.
Outside of WWE Big Boys,
but let's not get into that.
From now on,
you sit in the front seat.
Not just because
you're gonna have to drive now,
but you're ready.
[watch beeping]
It says,
"New record: 2,000 steps."
Or one mile,
which means you have
walked a mile
in someone else's shoes.
Lesson learned, thanks to me!
Oh, sorry!
I'm the hag.
Was the hag.
I switched bodies
with the bus driver
when we touched hands.
And now that you've learned
your lesson about empathy,
I'm ready to switch you back.
Hell yeah!
Let's do this!
What's gonna happen
to the bus driver?
Uh don't worry about it.
Anyway, how do your feet feel
after all of that?
But is he, like, dead now?
Uh, I mean, yes.
But [laughs]
I mean, that's not important.
What is important is
may I see your feet?
Wait.
Is this just a foot fetish?
No, sicko!
My fetish is
teaching people lessons
while making them walk
in other people's shoes,
which, yes, requires feet,
but is also about the shoes,
and them not being yours.
Ohh-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho-ho.
How is that?
Because I'm in the market
for a new kink.
Oh, it's actually
a pretty active community.
You know what,
I'm gonna change you back
because it's weird talking
about this with a 12-year-old.
[chimes shimmering]
[snoring]
Thank God.
Depends, mustache,
heart palpitations.
I'm back, baby!
I'll drink to that.
Vitamin F my Vitamin L.
Being an adult sucks!
Good night, Mom.
I love you.
Aww, Stan.
I love you too.
You know,
you're a really good mom.
Just thought you should
know that for no real reason.
Aww, thank you, hun-bun.
But if you wanted to be better,
maybe you might wanna look up
how to do a tummy rub,
in case you're
confused about that.
I Yeah.
Sure.
[music playing on TV]
[female child]
But, Mom, now I'm in your body!
[woman] Just make sure
not to kiss your dad.
That would be crazy,
but funny, right?
Oh, my God!
Flute and Stan body-swapped!
[retching]
This isn't family friendly!
Freaky Fridayis a horror film!
[retching]