Happy Days (1974) s03e06 Episode Script

1
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪
Ready to race to you ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪Oh, baby ♪
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪
Rocking and rolling all week long ♪
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
Saturday, what a day ♪
Groovin' all week with you ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪
Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, baby ♪
These happy days are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪
You know they said you was high class ♪
Well, that was just a lie ♪
Happy Days is filmed before a live audience.
Well, you ain't never caught a rabbit ♪
And you ain't no friend of mine ♪
You ain't nothing but a hound dog ♪
Barking all the time ♪
Hey, Joanie, what are you doing with this kid?
I happen to be his date.
Oh, I thought you were his baby-sitter.
Sit on it, Potsie.
Boy, that Joanie's got some mouth, you know?
Don't bother me now, Pots, I'm hot as a pistol.
Old Ralphie's won a free game
and I still got three balls left.
I'm a legend in my own time.
Uh-oh, there's Rocko and Frankie.
I wonder who they're going to pick on.
Will you leave me alone, Pots?
I'm going to light up the gator's mouth.
It's me. They're going to pick on me.
Stop whining.
They hate people with neat hair and perfect teeth.
I feel like playing pinball.
Why not?
Nobody's using the machine.
Oh, good, they're picking on you.
Hey, fellas, watch it. I'll be done here in a minute.
Hey, come on. Will you wait till I'm done?
I'm done. Who's next?
Why didn't you tell me
they were standing right behind me?
I did tell ya!
Who listens to you?
Hey, look. All right,
Rich is going on a picnic
with Stephanie Honker.
What are you getting mad at me for?
It looks like the picnic's over.
Hey, Rich, what's with Steph?
Yeah, what'd you do, step in her potato salad?
No, I lost a few points outside.
We stopped by to get a soda for the picnic.
Frankie and Rocko told me
that I had their parking space and moved me out.
Now wait a minute. Nobody gets a reserved parking space.
I told them.
Look what they did to my thermos.
This place hasn't been safe
since they've been hanging around.
True. Some of these kids are really scared.
Hey, Malph!
Yes, sir!
Over here!
All right, over there. I was coming over there.
See, I was over there, now I'm over here. Here I am.
The bells don't work on this machine, did you break them?
Oh, no, no, no. They were broken before. Hey, Potsie.
Weren't these bells broken before?
I don't think Potsie!
Yeah, broken.
What's pinball without bells?
It's pretty quiet.
Hey, that's a good one, Ralph!
Shh, shh!
Hey I'll get us some bells.
Hey, go get Mr. Parking Lot over there,
and tell him to leave his little basket.
Mr. Parking Lot, they want you.
Leave the little basket.
Me?
Yeah, you heard me.
We want you to fix the bell.
Oh, it's just it's just the pinball machine.
Well, listen, why don't you let me get Arnold?
He's got all the tools and he knows all about it.
I don't know very much about
Who needs Arnold?
You're going to fix it with your mouth.
My mouth?
Come over here. Come here.
Every time the ball hits something,
you go "Bong, bong," get it?
Hey, I like that idea, huh?
Well, I'd look pretty silly, wouldn't I?
If you don't "bong, bong,"
you're going to look pretty silly
with your nose on the other side of your face!
That would look silly.
Silly, Rich. Pretty silly, Rich. Yeah, I'd do it.
Shoot, Rocko.
I don't hear any bells.
Bong, bong.
What?
Bong! Bong! Bong! Bong You missed one.
Bong! Bong-bong-bong-bong.
Hey, you're doing good.
Bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong, bong,
bong, bong, bong, bong, bong.
Oh, hi, Steph,
I'm just playing pinball with the guys.
Hey! You're not bonging!
Bong, bong-bong.
Ah, new rule.
Ping-pong. Come on!
Come on. Ping-pong!
Be a good pinball machine.
All right, hold it, hold it, hold it!
Time out here, and you hold your ping.
Now I think what we got here is a case of mistaken identity,
you know?
See, now, this here is a human being
and this, at closer look, is a pinball machine.
And how does it go?
Uh, bing-bong, ping-pong!
Right, you think you got it now?
Do you think you got it?
Yeah, right. Yeah, right.
It, it was just a dumb mistake.
It could've happened to anybody.
Can't we go now?
Oh, yeah, I think you learned enough for one day.
We wouldn't want to overload your brain, huh?
Why don't you just trot right out of here.
Blondie, why don't you run? Run!
All right, all right. Ho! Ho!
Come on! Come on!
Fighting, fighting, fighting, what's all this fighting?
You know, you're going to break an arm or a leg
or something that costs money.
Now, come on, Arnold.
I got everything under control, here.
Oh, you a comfort, Fonzie.
Why everybody like to fight around here?
It couldn't be my food.
Could be.
Hey, Mr. Cunningham, it is all over.
Would you join us, please?
What's wrong with the kid?
His date walked out on him.
You know how it is, Fonz.
I know how it is?
No, no, Fonzie, I mean, I know how it is.
Potsie knows how it is, the
rest of the world knows how it is.
You couldn't possibly ever know how that would be.
I'm going to take a look at him.
Oh!
Can I ask you a question?
Mm-hmm.
Why are you beating up the bathroom?
No reason.
Come on, now, you look a little tense.
Fonz Yeah?
Am I a coward?
Hey, you are not a coward.
Some guys are good lovers,
and some guys are good fighters.
I happen to be both.
I happen to be neither.
That's not true now.
I saw you driving around
with a real cutie this afternoon.
That was before I got my thermos bent.
She walked out on me just now
when I started bing-bonging.
I should have done something, Fonz.
Instead all I did was bong.
Rich, you okay?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's just out of sorts
from bong-bonging.
Richie, you did the right thing.
Believe me, those guys would
have rearranged your freckles.
I didn't do the right thing.
Anytime you back down, you look like a coward.
All right then, fight.
If I fight, I'll get beat up.
Then back down.
That's some choice.
Either I lose my self-respect or my teeth.
I say back down.
You can chew your food without self-respect.
I know what you can do!
Hey, Malph, Malph,
are you in the market for a new flea collar?
No, that's ju-jitsu, ju-jitsu.
I got an ad in the mail.
There's a guy named Mitsuma Tokahashi
giving ju-jitsu lessons.
Where, Tokyo?
No, he gives them right here
at Arnold's on Sunday night.
No kidding?
Yeah. He must be a friend of Arnold's or something.
I don't know.
Do you think I should take ju-jitsu lessons, Fonz?
Hey, most definitely.
You really think so?
Sure. That way you wouldn't have
to beat up the bathroom.
You can just flip it over your shoulder.
Hey, hey, hey, stop laughing here, show some respect.
Clean this place up, huh? It's my office.
Right, right.
Oh, that creep Allen Lumpkin.
He won't start up with me again.
Well, what happened?
Just because he buys a small Coke,
he thinks he can take liberties!
I told you he was no good!
He didn't fool me with that "sir" business.
Howard, please.
Well, what did he do, dear?
He tried to kiss me, but he won't try that again.
What do you mean?
Because I gave him a fat lip!
I think it would have been more ladylike
if you had just said, "I'm sorry, Mr. Lumpkin,
I am not that kind of girl."
By the time I said all that, I'd be that kind of a girl.
She did the right thing.
That's what Richie should have done
to those two bullies at Arnold's this afternoon.
What are you talking about?! You don't know!
They made him imitate a pinball machine
in front of the whole crowd.
Bong-bong, ping-pong.
Knock it off, will ya?
Joanie, why don't you go wash your hands
and get ready for dinner.
You can tell your mother all about your date, huh?
I want to talk to Richard for a couple of minutes.
Come on, Joanie, upstairs. Tell me all the details.
Well, there's not much to tell.
One minute he was fixing my skate,
and the next minute he was all lips. Yech!
Tell me all about it upstairs.
Would you like to tell me what happened?
No.
Okay.
Dad, I want to learn how to defend myself.
I want to take ju-jitsu lessons.
Oh, now wait a minute.
Don't you think you're overreacting a little bit?
No.
Look, when I was a kid.
I went through the same thing myself.
You know at your age, I, I had a tendency
to be a little bit on the chubby side, and
Well, sometimes the kids picked on me.
So, what'd you do about it?
Well, sometimes I fought them,
and many times I just walked away from them.
With the sound of "Fat, fat, the water rat"
ringing in my ears.
So you think
I should just back down all the time, huh?
No, no, no, no. Richard, that's your decision.
But to my thinking,
a silly thing like a pinball machine,
well, it's probably better and braver
just to walk away.
What if you walk away and they chase you?
Are these the kind of guys that would chase you?
They're the kind of guys who catch you.
Well, in that case,
I think you'd better learn how to defend yourself.
Okay. Dad, I need $20 for the ju-jitsu lessons.
You don't need $20.
I taught you how to box!
Dad, boxing doesn't come up much in real life.
Not many guys carry gloves.
All right, then I'll teach you everything
I learned in the Army.
You're going to teach me how to cook?
No, how to defend yourself.
Come on. Stand over here.
Now go for my throat, huh?
Dad, you told me you were just a cook in the Army.
I stirred with one hand and fought with the other.
Now look, I'm going to save you $20.
Now come on, go for my throat.
Okay, Dad.
Now, get a good grip.
All right.
Don't be afraid, make it good and strong.
I'm not afraid, Dad.
That's it. All right, now don't worry,
I'm not going to hurt you.
Okay.
All right, here we go. All right.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Richard?
Yeah, Dad?
The $20, it's in my back pocket.
Thanks, Dad.
Hey, look, they got real mats and everything.
It's gonna be just like the real thing, you know?
Where's Mr. Tokahashi?
Must be around here somewhere.
Welcome, students.
You're teaching the class?
Sure, I figure you want to learn how to fight,
I teach you to fall.
Same time, I make a buck.
Wait a minute, Arnold.
The paper said Mitsuma Tokahashi is giving the class.
I am Mitsuma Tokahashi.
Is this the face of a Arnold?
Why'd you change your name?
What change?
I buy a restaurant, had a big sign, "Arnold."
Signs very expensive.
You know how many letters in "Tokahashi"?
Okay, Arnold, show us how to do this.
I don't know what I'm doing.
I show. Very easy.
You do it like this. Yeah?
Which in English, mean, "Do the best you can."
Hey, Arnold, is that how you make pretzels?
Listen, Potsie, I got special job for you.
Oh, sure.
Yeah. I want to use you in a little demonstration,
you know? Oh, no.
I just wanted to watch.
I don't want any demonstration or
You watch from the floor.
Hey, Arnold, that was a little quick.
Could you show it to us again?
I don't think I got it. Ha-ha-ha.
I got it, got it.
Okay, I looking for another loudmouth volunteer.
No volunteer? Very good.
Now I gonna teach you a basic throw.
Richie, come on.
Now I don't hurt you. You got a little mouth.
Well, uh Now, you, you come, attack me.
Attack you? Yeah.
Throw punch to my head.
Okay.
Don't, Arnold!
Tokahashi. Tokahashi!
You see that?
I just show you the hold.
You see? Okay, now come on.
You throw me all the way to the floor.
Oh, no. No chance.
It's a trick, right?
Well, what trick? I not Houdini.
Now, come on. No, no.
It's very easy. I show you,
Here, you flip a little girl.
Me? Sure.
She got no trick.
I don't want to flip her.
She's a skinny little kid.
Oh, size don't matter. I show you.
You let the skinny little kid flip you.
Oh, yeah. You think she's gonna flip me?
Hey, this better be important.
You keep your motor running.
Yeah, rev it up.
Not now.
Cunningham, that is the saddest face I have ever seen.
Can I talk to you for a minute, Fonz, outside?
Hey, we'll talk right here.
Well, it-it's kinda personal.
Oh, personal. Yeah.
Hey, Vivian, go out and find me a falling star, will you?
Be back in five minutes.
I don't have a watch.
Hey, count "one Mississippi"
She's got great lips.
All right, you got the floor.
What's up, Tiny Tears?
I'm quitting judo.
How come?
I got flipped by my sister.
Aw, come on.
That was a lucky shot.
Could happen to anybody.
Yeah, I know.
But she flipped me 20 times.
She flipped me during class.
She flipped me after class.
She flipped me all the way home.
Oh, Cunningham, you have reached the pits.
My sister's becoming a black belt
and I'm going bing-bong.
I'm sorry I even bothered you, Fonz.
I'll get Vivian back in
Hold it, hold it, hold it. Come here, come here.
I'm gonna do something for you, Cunningham,
I never did for anybody before.
I'm going to teach you the secret
of being tough.
Wow, you don't think I could ever..
Hey! Who told you to talk?
I'm sorry, Fonz.
That's the secret.
What? I think I missed it.
You see how nervous you just got?
Yeah, but I thought you were gonna kill me.
Hey that's the point I intimidated you.
That's because I've got a majestic bearing.
I got style, I got an attitude
I got a tough voice.
Let's face it, you're a good fighter.
Hey, I'm the best.
But in the entire time you've known me,
have you ever seen me in a fight?
Well, no, but that's always
because the other guy backs down first.
I rest my case.
You think that could work for me?
Cunningham, with that Howdy Doody face,
you can only be so tough.
But I'll tell you something. I'll tell you something.
With a little practice, there is always hope.
Don't ever grab me again!
What?
Just practicing.
Yeah, you see?
See, that wasn't bad.
It's not good either. Wasn't bad though.
Now, listen. What you got to do,
is you gotta don't yell, you gotta keep it low, see?
Gotta make it more threatening.
Don't ever grab me again.
All right, all right. Now. Clench your teeth,
clench your teeth.
Not your lips, your teeth!
Don't ever grab me again.
Hey, that's good. Now
Raise up your chin, look me square in the eye.
Don't ever grab me again.
All right, now saunter.
Saunter!
Don't ever grab me again!
Don't ever grab me again!
I lost count. Do you want I should start all over again?
I mean, don't come back for another hour.
Hey, how was that, Fonz?
Well, I wanted her back now.
I can't wait for a boy to get out of line with me again.
Hi show!
Will you please tell your daughter
that one ju-jitsu lesson does not make her Batwoman.
You'd better not flip the boys too hard, dear.
Why can't I?
Well, because if you do, they'll start
avoiding you and then you won't be popular any more.
I'll be popular with the boys I like.
The others Hi Show!
Sit down and eat your breakfast, Mr. Moto.
Hi, Rich.
Good morning, Richard.
Would you like corn flakes for breakfast, dear?
I never want corn flakes again. Oatmeal!
Oh. Well, I I thought you liked corn flakes.
Oatmeal! I'll make oatmeal.
What kind of a way is that to talk to your mother?!
Oh, I-I'm sorry, Mom.
Corn flakes are okay.
You see, I was just trying out
some advice that Fonzie gave me.
He said if you sound tough, people listen, and it works.
Boy, I tell you, this one with her "Hi, show"
and this one yelling like King Kong.
Who can eat breakfast around here?
I'm going down to the store.
You're not going anywhere!
Sit down!
Start eating, Howie.
All of you eat!
Well, chalk one up for the Fonz.
Bye-bye, love ♪
You're not gonna go with this plan
just 'cause it worked on your mother?
No, I'm going with it because it works for the Fonz.
Everything works for the Fonz.
Well, it'll work for me, too. Just wait and see.
You don't have to wait. Here they are.
Hello, Bing-Bong.
We never got to finish our game last time.
Having trouble here, gentlemen?
Oh, are you gonna save this kid again, Fonz?
Maybe.
It's cool, Fonz.
I'll handle these clowns.
Hey, you heard him.
It's his fight.
Hey, it's me and Bing-Bong, alone.
The name is Richie.
Don't ever call me anything else.
When I turn back around,
you guys better be gone.
What happened?
Well, you just scared Potsie and Ralph to death.
Did Frankie back down?
Oh, no, he's going like this.
That's not backing down. That's beating up.
Yeah.
Let's go, Bing-Bong, I'm ready!
Wait just a second.
Why isn't this working?
I mean, I've got the tough voice going on and everything.
I gotta tell you something, Cunningham.
I left out one very small detail.
Tell me quick.
You got no reputation for toughness.
Once in your life, you had to have hit somebody.
That's not a good detail to leave out, Fonz.
Now, listen, you just give me the word,
I'll bail you out of this one.
No. This is my problem and I'm gonna handle it.
Just another second.
Have you got any advice at all?
Yeah. When he's taking off his jacket,
hit him before his arms are free.
That's not fair.
What? It's not fair.
Hey. He's taller than you are.
That's not fair either.
You mean if I trick him, I can beat him?
Oh, no, he's gonna kill you,
but you get one good shot in.
Hey, what's going on?
Trying to get Fonzie to fight your battles for you?
Hey, Frankie.
You just make sure it's a fair fight.
Sure, Fonzie.
Okay.
Now I'm ready.
Hi-ya! Ha-ha! Hiya, show!
What are you doing to my coat?
This time it was your coat!
Next time it's gonna be you, Jack!
Hey, he's gone crazy.
Stop fighting!
You want to fight?
You go to pizza parlor!
It's not my fault.
He went crazy! He's a nut!
Stop, kid. Settle down.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Hey, hey, I gotta tell you something, man.
You're a hero. Oh, my gosh.
What's the matter?
I didn't feel like one.
Why not?
That guy coulda killed me,
I was scared to death.
Hey, hey, hey, that's not the point.
The fact is you were scared and you stood up to him.
Now what about that film.
What is it called? The Sands of Iwo Jima, huh?
They were scared, they took that hill,
They raised that flag.
Fonz, this isn't a movie.
Hey, let me tell you something.
Everybody gets scared.
If you're gonna survive in this world,
you just can't show it all the time, that's all.
Yeah, but you never get scared.
I know. That's why I'm "The Fonz."
Thanks for the lift home.
And pick me up tomorrow at 9:00.
Richard, how much longer are you gonna keep this up?
Oh. Not much longer.
I'm beginning to feel pretty ridiculous.
I don't know, it seems so natural for Fonzie.
You aren't fighting any more, are you, Richard?
No. No more fighting.
And, Dad, thanks for your advice.
I really mean it.
Mmm. That's okay.
Good night Dad, good night, Mom.
Good night. Good night, dear.
Howard, did you tell Richard
how to handle those bullies?
You're wonderful.
Come here, Marion.
Stand over here.
Now, grab me around the neck.
Oh I love it when you're frisky.
Grab me around the neck, Marion, please.
All right. Now, get a good grip.
Don't worry, I'm not going to hurt you.
You ready?
All right, pull hard now.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Marion? Yes, dear.
Let's go to bed.
These happy days are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours and mine ♪
Happy Days! ♪
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪
Rocking and rolling all week long ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪
Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪Oh, baby ♪
These happy days are yours and mine ♪
vThese happy days are yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪