Jackie Chan Adventures (2000) s03e06 Episode Script
When Pigs Fly
1
(Rooster crowing)
Do not look down.
Do not look down.
Do not look down.
Do not look--
guhh!
Please step inside
this nice, cozy magic cage
so that you do not
Levitate!
Wait! Dark forces wish
to steal your magic!
I'm only trying
to protect you!
Guess the chicken
can fly.
Question is,
chan, can you?
Aah!
Aah!
Can we do that?
Never know
till you try.
Whoa!
Now let's go home to--
aah!
I did it!
Uh, way to go?
Give up the bird, chan.
Locked! Whoa!
Try knocking.
Maybe somebody'll--
all: Aah!
Jackie?
Ohh. Jade!
You are supposed
to be on the--
observation deck.
How did you think
I observed you
getting creamed?
(Cell phone rings)
Jackie!
Uncle?
Have you found
the rooster?
Yes, I just--
good, because
a new spell
has revealed
the location
of the next magic
animal that we seek.
You must meet us
where the pig
will be found.
Tohru is preparing
a magic cage
which will prevent
it from activating
it's power of
heat beam eyes.
(Sighs) I will
change our flight.
Another mission?
Where we going this time?
Paris? Moscow? Tahiti?
Arline, Kansas.
Yee-haw.
Hey, Jackie, I think
egbert wants to
stretch his legs.
We cannot let him
out of the cage
until he is safely
inside section 13.
So, where's uncle?
Tohru: I do not
think this is the
interstate, sensei.
Of course
it is interstate!
Map does not lie!
We came all the way
from Malaysia.
How did we
arrive first?
Well, uncle
may not be here,
but the pig is.
Jade, how are we
supposed to find it
without uncle's
locator spell?
"Local beaut mordecai
claimed first prize
at last week's
county fair."
Let's give a little
hey-howdy-do to
our noble oinker.
Remember, do not
mention magic.
No one ever believes.
Now, what's
a city feller like you
want with a 280-pound
Hampshire boar?
Uh, good question,
farmer MacDonald.
Um, well, I am an
archaeologist, and--
you mean like
a eye doctor?
Uh, no, that is
an optometrist.
Archaeologists
study very
old things.
Old? Mordecai
ain't turned 3 yet!
Uh
Let's cut
to the chase, mister.
Whatever pigs cost,
we'll pay double.
Naw, I could never
part with mordecai.
He done so good at county,
I figure he might
just fetch a ribbon
at the state fair.
'Sides, I know
city slicker hogwash
when I smells it.
Well, what are
we gonna do now,
Mr. archaeologist?
You are going back
to the motel.
Ohh!
Mordecai?
Mordecai?
Rise and shine.
Now come with
farmer Jackie.
A dark chi wizard
is coming to--
whup!
I don't think
this little piggy's
going to market.
Jade, you are supposed
to be guarding the--
egbert wanted to hang
with the other white meat.
Ok, pig.
No more
horsing around.
Uh-oh--baah!
Shh! No, it's not--
(Crows)
Ah, sunrise.
Time to milk the
What in tarnation?!
It's the middle
of the night.
MacDonald: You.
Ok, we'll
pay you triple,
but that's
our final offer.
Buford! E.B.!
We've got ourselves
a couple of rustlers.
No, we do not
want to rustle.
Yaaah!
Daaah!
They's been
stealin' chickens, too!
Unh! Please, can't we
just talk about--ooh!
Maybe they don't
know how to talk.
My brother e.B. Here
graduated Stanford,
phi beta kappi!
And buford here
is a renowned
nuclear physicist.
Whoa! Gah!
Uhh! Guh!
Dr. buford MacDonald?
Your books
are very insightful.
Thank you.
Ohh! Uhh!
Where is uncle?
(Tohru sighs)
Perhaps
we should stop
and ask directions.
Uncle knows
how to read map!
Oh.
Ow!
Map must be
right side up.
Rrr.
(Splutters)
You're wastin' milk!
Oh, man!
Now you're
wastin' eggs!
All part
of a balanced breakfast!
Whoa!
(Jade gasps)
Uh, Jackie
Talk later. Wah!
Ain't nobody takin'
my pig, Mr. archeologist.
(Crows)
We caught 'em, pa.
Soowee!
(Gasps)
Mordecai!
The pig is gone!
F.Y.I.,
so's the rooster.
But how?
Maybe now
you'll tell me where
my pig's up and gone to.
I do not know,
but some very bad men
may have taken him.
So, y'all was just
decoys, huh?
C'mon, boys.
Let's go nab us their
pig-rustlin' compadres!
Uh, no! That is not
what I meant!
You think
daolon wong bagged
our barnyard buddies?
If he didn't, the animals
are vulnerable to him.
Whoa!
I'm sorry!
I owe you a scarecrow!
They're
gettin' away!
After 'em!
After them!
(Jackie panting)
(Clatter)
UhUh, shoo?
Or n-not.
(Sighs) I think
we lost 'em.
Now we just have to--
pork ahoy!
(Squeals and snorts)
Ok, feeding time is over.
Who wants
to come with Jackie?
Aah!
Where is uncle?!
Quickly, tohru!
The forces of darkness
wait for no man!
(Sighs)
Willy-John, I will
marry you when pigs fly!
Jackie: Waaaah!
Over here, Jackie!
Hyuh! Unh!
Yippee-Kai-ya-aa-aa!
Whoa-oa-oa-oa-oa!
Jade!
Easy, boy.
That's it. Easy.
Come on, egbert.
Take us down.
Whoa!
Uhh! Ohh
MacDonald: Soowee!
Mordecai!
Soowee!
I done missed you,
too, little feller.
Come on, egbert.
Who's your pal?
I thought gallus domesticus
àwas a flightless bird.
And I think
a flyin' chicken
wins blue ribbon
at the state fair.
(Men clucking)
Them city folks
can't even cluck
a decent rooster call.
Come on!
They have egbert
and mordecai!
Where is uncle?!
Uncle: Jackie!
Where is rooster?!
don't mind this here
tether, pretty bird.
It's just so's you don't
go flyin' off nowhere.
Daolon: The pig
and the rooster.
Heh. How kind of you
to gather them for me.
For you? Why come
all you city fellers
is suddenly after
my livestock?
Show 'im the road, boys.
Gan! Ren! Chui!
(Gasps) Ooh!
What city you fellers
from, anyhow?
Creatures,
surrender your powers
to daolon wong!
Hey!
Hey!
(Daolon chanting)
Ohh!
Chan.
Tohru!
Hiya!
Daolon: GanRenOff!
What in Sam hill's nanny
is goin' on here?
The animals have
magic powers,
and dark forces
have come to claim them.
Magic?
Well, why didn't
you just say so
in the first place?
Ahh. Exterminate the mortals
and bring the beasts to me!
Uh, soowee!
You get your magic butt
off of my property, mister.
Magic must
defeat magic butt.
(Chanting)
Get him!
Jackie,
get those swine!
(Snorts)
Heh. Sorry.
Aiyaa!
Hoowee!
They're defyin'
the known laws of physics!
With our house!
Jackie, I don't think
we're in Kansas anymore.
Jade, bring the pig
this--whaah!
(Panting)
The house is flying.
Hello? Did you not catch
my wizard of oz reference?
There's no place
like home
To kick your butt!
Ok, mordecai,
heat beam the bad guys!
Please?
(Hiss)
Uhh!
That'll do, pig.
That'll do.
It's a twister!
(All scream)
Auntie em!
Auntie em!
Tornadie!
MacDonald: They're
headin' northeast!
Hang a right up
at route 41, and we'll--
go straight, tohru!
Route 41
is not on my map!
I don't care
if it's on your map
or buford's underpants.
Ah, pa.
Turn right!
- Straight.
- Right!
- Straight!
- Right!
- Straight!
Right!
You want
a piece of uncle?
Ready to buy
the farm, chan?
(Chow groans)
We got your back, Jackie.
Ah, but who has yours?
The power of levitation
shall be mi--
(Jackie groans)
Duck, Jackie!
Wah!
My bad.
Grr!
Aah!
Whoa. I made it.
(Clucks)
Talkin' Turkey.
(Chanting)
Egbert!
Mordecai!
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Let us go,
you power hog!
No! But with the power
of the hog,
I shall reduce you both
to ashes.
Gah!
Your feeble cage
cannot withstand
the burning gaze of my
UhHeat-beam eyes?
My cage is forged
of good chi, feeble one!
I will incinerate you
Next time.
Jade: Whoa.
MacDonald:
Y'all sure about this?
Absolutely.
After trying
to rustle your pig
And relocating your house
to another county
The least I can do
is reward you
with a former
flying chicken.
'Sides, pa,
they's demonstratin'
a psychological bond.
Yep. They's buddies.
Uncle: Jackie!
Time to go!
- Hey, Jackie.
- Yes?
What do you do
with your free time?
My free time.
I don't really have
a lot of free time.
I'd rather
stay in the office.
I call up all
the script writer.
I watch a lot of DVD
Training, and meeting
Editing.
Do I have a free time?
(Rooster crowing)
Do not look down.
Do not look down.
Do not look down.
Do not look--
guhh!
Please step inside
this nice, cozy magic cage
so that you do not
Levitate!
Wait! Dark forces wish
to steal your magic!
I'm only trying
to protect you!
Guess the chicken
can fly.
Question is,
chan, can you?
Aah!
Aah!
Can we do that?
Never know
till you try.
Whoa!
Now let's go home to--
aah!
I did it!
Uh, way to go?
Give up the bird, chan.
Locked! Whoa!
Try knocking.
Maybe somebody'll--
all: Aah!
Jackie?
Ohh. Jade!
You are supposed
to be on the--
observation deck.
How did you think
I observed you
getting creamed?
(Cell phone rings)
Jackie!
Uncle?
Have you found
the rooster?
Yes, I just--
good, because
a new spell
has revealed
the location
of the next magic
animal that we seek.
You must meet us
where the pig
will be found.
Tohru is preparing
a magic cage
which will prevent
it from activating
it's power of
heat beam eyes.
(Sighs) I will
change our flight.
Another mission?
Where we going this time?
Paris? Moscow? Tahiti?
Arline, Kansas.
Yee-haw.
Hey, Jackie, I think
egbert wants to
stretch his legs.
We cannot let him
out of the cage
until he is safely
inside section 13.
So, where's uncle?
Tohru: I do not
think this is the
interstate, sensei.
Of course
it is interstate!
Map does not lie!
We came all the way
from Malaysia.
How did we
arrive first?
Well, uncle
may not be here,
but the pig is.
Jade, how are we
supposed to find it
without uncle's
locator spell?
"Local beaut mordecai
claimed first prize
at last week's
county fair."
Let's give a little
hey-howdy-do to
our noble oinker.
Remember, do not
mention magic.
No one ever believes.
Now, what's
a city feller like you
want with a 280-pound
Hampshire boar?
Uh, good question,
farmer MacDonald.
Um, well, I am an
archaeologist, and--
you mean like
a eye doctor?
Uh, no, that is
an optometrist.
Archaeologists
study very
old things.
Old? Mordecai
ain't turned 3 yet!
Uh
Let's cut
to the chase, mister.
Whatever pigs cost,
we'll pay double.
Naw, I could never
part with mordecai.
He done so good at county,
I figure he might
just fetch a ribbon
at the state fair.
'Sides, I know
city slicker hogwash
when I smells it.
Well, what are
we gonna do now,
Mr. archaeologist?
You are going back
to the motel.
Ohh!
Mordecai?
Mordecai?
Rise and shine.
Now come with
farmer Jackie.
A dark chi wizard
is coming to--
whup!
I don't think
this little piggy's
going to market.
Jade, you are supposed
to be guarding the--
egbert wanted to hang
with the other white meat.
Ok, pig.
No more
horsing around.
Uh-oh--baah!
Shh! No, it's not--
(Crows)
Ah, sunrise.
Time to milk the
What in tarnation?!
It's the middle
of the night.
MacDonald: You.
Ok, we'll
pay you triple,
but that's
our final offer.
Buford! E.B.!
We've got ourselves
a couple of rustlers.
No, we do not
want to rustle.
Yaaah!
Daaah!
They's been
stealin' chickens, too!
Unh! Please, can't we
just talk about--ooh!
Maybe they don't
know how to talk.
My brother e.B. Here
graduated Stanford,
phi beta kappi!
And buford here
is a renowned
nuclear physicist.
Whoa! Gah!
Uhh! Guh!
Dr. buford MacDonald?
Your books
are very insightful.
Thank you.
Ohh! Uhh!
Where is uncle?
(Tohru sighs)
Perhaps
we should stop
and ask directions.
Uncle knows
how to read map!
Oh.
Ow!
Map must be
right side up.
Rrr.
(Splutters)
You're wastin' milk!
Oh, man!
Now you're
wastin' eggs!
All part
of a balanced breakfast!
Whoa!
(Jade gasps)
Uh, Jackie
Talk later. Wah!
Ain't nobody takin'
my pig, Mr. archeologist.
(Crows)
We caught 'em, pa.
Soowee!
(Gasps)
Mordecai!
The pig is gone!
F.Y.I.,
so's the rooster.
But how?
Maybe now
you'll tell me where
my pig's up and gone to.
I do not know,
but some very bad men
may have taken him.
So, y'all was just
decoys, huh?
C'mon, boys.
Let's go nab us their
pig-rustlin' compadres!
Uh, no! That is not
what I meant!
You think
daolon wong bagged
our barnyard buddies?
If he didn't, the animals
are vulnerable to him.
Whoa!
I'm sorry!
I owe you a scarecrow!
They're
gettin' away!
After 'em!
After them!
(Jackie panting)
(Clatter)
UhUh, shoo?
Or n-not.
(Sighs) I think
we lost 'em.
Now we just have to--
pork ahoy!
(Squeals and snorts)
Ok, feeding time is over.
Who wants
to come with Jackie?
Aah!
Where is uncle?!
Quickly, tohru!
The forces of darkness
wait for no man!
(Sighs)
Willy-John, I will
marry you when pigs fly!
Jackie: Waaaah!
Over here, Jackie!
Hyuh! Unh!
Yippee-Kai-ya-aa-aa!
Whoa-oa-oa-oa-oa!
Jade!
Easy, boy.
That's it. Easy.
Come on, egbert.
Take us down.
Whoa!
Uhh! Ohh
MacDonald: Soowee!
Mordecai!
Soowee!
I done missed you,
too, little feller.
Come on, egbert.
Who's your pal?
I thought gallus domesticus
àwas a flightless bird.
And I think
a flyin' chicken
wins blue ribbon
at the state fair.
(Men clucking)
Them city folks
can't even cluck
a decent rooster call.
Come on!
They have egbert
and mordecai!
Where is uncle?!
Uncle: Jackie!
Where is rooster?!
don't mind this here
tether, pretty bird.
It's just so's you don't
go flyin' off nowhere.
Daolon: The pig
and the rooster.
Heh. How kind of you
to gather them for me.
For you? Why come
all you city fellers
is suddenly after
my livestock?
Show 'im the road, boys.
Gan! Ren! Chui!
(Gasps) Ooh!
What city you fellers
from, anyhow?
Creatures,
surrender your powers
to daolon wong!
Hey!
Hey!
(Daolon chanting)
Ohh!
Chan.
Tohru!
Hiya!
Daolon: GanRenOff!
What in Sam hill's nanny
is goin' on here?
The animals have
magic powers,
and dark forces
have come to claim them.
Magic?
Well, why didn't
you just say so
in the first place?
Ahh. Exterminate the mortals
and bring the beasts to me!
Uh, soowee!
You get your magic butt
off of my property, mister.
Magic must
defeat magic butt.
(Chanting)
Get him!
Jackie,
get those swine!
(Snorts)
Heh. Sorry.
Aiyaa!
Hoowee!
They're defyin'
the known laws of physics!
With our house!
Jackie, I don't think
we're in Kansas anymore.
Jade, bring the pig
this--whaah!
(Panting)
The house is flying.
Hello? Did you not catch
my wizard of oz reference?
There's no place
like home
To kick your butt!
Ok, mordecai,
heat beam the bad guys!
Please?
(Hiss)
Uhh!
That'll do, pig.
That'll do.
It's a twister!
(All scream)
Auntie em!
Auntie em!
Tornadie!
MacDonald: They're
headin' northeast!
Hang a right up
at route 41, and we'll--
go straight, tohru!
Route 41
is not on my map!
I don't care
if it's on your map
or buford's underpants.
Ah, pa.
Turn right!
- Straight.
- Right!
- Straight!
- Right!
- Straight!
Right!
You want
a piece of uncle?
Ready to buy
the farm, chan?
(Chow groans)
We got your back, Jackie.
Ah, but who has yours?
The power of levitation
shall be mi--
(Jackie groans)
Duck, Jackie!
Wah!
My bad.
Grr!
Aah!
Whoa. I made it.
(Clucks)
Talkin' Turkey.
(Chanting)
Egbert!
Mordecai!
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Let us go,
you power hog!
No! But with the power
of the hog,
I shall reduce you both
to ashes.
Gah!
Your feeble cage
cannot withstand
the burning gaze of my
UhHeat-beam eyes?
My cage is forged
of good chi, feeble one!
I will incinerate you
Next time.
Jade: Whoa.
MacDonald:
Y'all sure about this?
Absolutely.
After trying
to rustle your pig
And relocating your house
to another county
The least I can do
is reward you
with a former
flying chicken.
'Sides, pa,
they's demonstratin'
a psychological bond.
Yep. They's buddies.
Uncle: Jackie!
Time to go!
- Hey, Jackie.
- Yes?
What do you do
with your free time?
My free time.
I don't really have
a lot of free time.
I'd rather
stay in the office.
I call up all
the script writer.
I watch a lot of DVD
Training, and meeting
Editing.
Do I have a free time?