Mind Your Language (1977) s03e06 Episode Script

Good evening, good evening.
Hello Sidney
Oh, ah! Hello miss Courtney
did you want me?
No I was giving your
floor a brush out!
Oh! How kind!
- Good evening! - Oh Mr.
Brown, just the man I want
you lucky devil! Sorry!
- Would you service
my office? - Yeah!
- Not you, Mr. Brown.
- After you miss Courtney
- did you have a nice
week-end? - Very pleasant
- I spent two days in Loo
- yeah? In loom of what? Oh loo
- I've brought something for
you! - Oh! It's a tape recorder!
- Yes!
Oh thank you very much
miss Courtney that's
very kind of you
I didn't expect you
to buy me anything!
- That's good because I
didn't - and this is a
that tape recorder belongs
to the music class.
I thought it might be a good idea
if you used it to improve your
students' elocution.
Oh yes it is a good
idea, how does it work
It is self explanatory, Mr. Brown Stop,
start, wind, rewind, record.
- Ah! Would there be a microphone?
- It is fully built in.
Now when you have finished it,
perhaps you would return it to
the music class?
Yes certainly!
- You may go! - Thank you!
- Pompous old twit! - What?
- That old hen, she is
a pompous old twit.
- Haven't you a class to go
to? - I was just going
-just a moment
- something the matter?
- Yes it is still switched
on - oh! My my God!
- I do hope you weren't
being indiscreet
- no I didn't say
anything, did I Say?
- No not at all
- now we'll see shall we?
- I'll go sweep the
floor! - Yes I
stay where you are, now we'll
see what we can hear
when you have finished with it,
perhaps you would be kind enough
- to return it to the music
class. - Yes certainly.
- You may go. - Thank you.
- Here we are, that's it, there's
no more - no definitely no more.
- Just a minute.
- Pompous old twit.
- I see! I'm a pompous old twit am I?
- No that wasn't you, was it Sid?
- No no she was never an old
lady - then who was it?
Yes who was it?
It was the clever old boy
of Gladys the tea lady
yes Gladys
I would hardly
call Gladys pompous
- wouldn't you? She can be
very pompous at times
I see! Then perhaps you would tell
Pompous Gladys that I am waiting
For my coffee!
You know my horoscope is right?
I was forecast a clash
with authority
- And digging disaster.
- That wasn't disaster!
Well the night is still young!
There you are! How
do you like Ali?
- You are very rude Rangit!
- Also he's not be spell very good
prease Langit lub it
off before Ari allise
- no - you make Ali very mad-o
I am not karing, yesterday Ali Is
calling me a monkey face
- he shouldn't call you monkey
face - oh thank you Max
it is not your fault
you look like that
- did I miss something funny?
- No profesore he is still here
- you are liking
flowers? - Escuse me?
You are liking flowers,
answer yes or no
sure I like the flowers.
Good, I'm sending
some to your funeral
Rangit, put your knife away Giovanni,
sit down come on
What hope is there for a Multiracial
society if a handful of people cannot
sit down for A couple of minutes
without Blowing up
we are only make it ajokes
in the future let us have no more jokes,
they only seem to lead to
arguments
who is responsible for
this? Come along I'm waiting!
If the person responsible doesn't
come out you will all stay behind
and have extra homework
its Rangit
then I suggest you come out here
Rangit and rub it off before Ali
comes in and sees it.
- Before Ali comes in and
see what? - Nothing Ali
- you are hiding something
from me - no no
yes please I can see my
name on the blackboard
- we were just about to rub it off
- oh blime! I can be reporting you
to the monostery of education
- ministery. - That also.
- I'm being surprised
at you - me?
- For writing naughty things
like that - I didn't write it!
But you are standing with
chalky in hand
- that is substantial - oh no
that is most definitely chalky
It and play it back
and we'll correct
that was already
written before I arrived
oh oh then I am knowing who
is writing it. It is monkey face!
Sit down listen if I have any more
arguments, those persons responsible
will be sent home immedialtely.
- Buenas noche - and
that goes for you too
- por favor?
- No more arguments!
- Me? I never argue
- you always argue!
- Never! - Oh yes you do!
- Oh no I don't
- you'r arguing now!
Shut up and sit down! Now tonight you
are going yo concentrate on your
elocution, heaven knows it
needs enough concentrating on.
Now this, is a tape recorder.
Eh! We're going to have
music while we work?
No we're just going to work.
Now I will ask each one of you
Any mistake or
mispronunciation you May make
- you first Ali! - Jolly
good! What shall I be saying?
Well just say anything at
all that comes to your mind
anything at all that is
coming into my mind, eh
that will do! Max?
Here is the news, and this is
Maximilian Andreas Archimidis
Papandreos speaking it. Today we
Not have any news maybe tomorrow
We have some
- Daniele? - My name is
Daniele Favre, 36.21.35
I am French, au pair and I like all
Kinds of sports, in the doors and out
- Of the doors - thank
you miss France! Taro!
- Aso. Nothing-o, one-o, two-o, three-o,
four-o - good-o, good good, Jemila?
I am speaking little poetries, when
first I come to school
I am sit here like a fool But
master G. Is teach me how to
Speech and now I
speak much More better.
- That didn't exactly rime
- master shakespear no be rime
no that is true he doesn't
always Giovanni?
Arrivederci Roma
This is not a talent contest
just say a sentence or two
- Ok. I'm in the english class to
learn how to speak-a di english
- and you have a lot
to learn - scuzi
Rangit
Greetings and salutations to all my
friends, long life and much happiness
- be with you all - very
nice, I mean thank you.
Sue-Li and spare us the mind
of chairman Mao tonight please
thoughts of chailman Mao waisted
on crass of ignolent forrowers of
impeliaristic poricies of the nations
only China can tlue democlatcy froulish
thank you Sue-Li at least
you're consistent, Juan?
I tell you a little story, my
cousin from Madrid, his wife
she goes to up heaven,
in the funeral my cousin
is very bad, so the priest
he come to him and
say: My son don't
sorry maybe in six month from now
you find a new beautiful sinorita and
you get married, my cousin he say
to the priest: Six months
what am I going to do tonight?
- Thank you Juan
- I know plenty more
- save them for tea
now we rewind this and we will
all hear how terrible you sound
you all have a long way to go
no please the landlord I am staying
with is telling me I am
speaking english
much more better
than what he is doing
- is he a Londoner?
- No he is from Turkey
now I wouldn't let it go to your
head Rangit right pay attention
- you first Ali! - Jolly
good! What shall I be saying?
Well just say anything at all
that comes to your mind
anything at all that is
coming into my mind, eh
who was that?
- Who was what? - The
man you were speaking to?
- It was you! - You
are pulling my leggy
that was not me, that is
a foreign sounding man
- exactly, that is how you sound
- oh blime! And all that time I am
thinking I sound like
sir Olivia laurence.
- Laurence Olivier.
- Yes please
- you are late Anna! - Ya
- you are feeling
all right? - Ya
you don't sound all right
look if there is
anything that is troubling you
- you can tell us we
are your friends
that's all right you let
your hair down
oh blime how an she be letting
her hair down when it is not up
letting her hair down means getting
everything off the chest
oh! You be want her
to take off her clothes?
Holy ravioli, these
foreigners are all stupid!
Come on Anna tell
us what is the matter
for the last time, nothing is the matter,
stop asking stupid questions
I'm perfectly all right
Enter
Had all gone home
oh very well leave it
there have you finished class?
Yes I am giving them their homework
I think I have a slight problem
oh? Your class is
one big problem
I am worried about Anna
in what way?
Well she burst into tears when she
arrived and so far she has refused
to say what is troubling her
oh dear I do hope
it is not mis raw
bottom all over again
pardon
needlework class last term
weeping all over her embroidery
refused to say why
- what was the
matter - oh yes?
Was is something serious?
Was for miss raw
bottom she was pregnant
- please Anna tell us what is
the matter - I'm all right
how can you be saying
you are all right
when you have been
crying buckets
of water
you can do nothing to help
how do you know we
can do nothing to
help if you do not tell
us your problem
all right I tell you, I have
to go back to west Germany
- but why you have to go back
- my wisa au pair is kaput''
finished, two years is nearly up
why not ask for extention?
Wont work, I have a friend from west
Germay, Eva, she has been told
she has to go back next month
- you no want to go back?
- No I want to stay here
you can be staying with me, I
hide you, nobody will be knowing
You are there
thank you Rangit
but it wont work
maybe you ask
for diplomatic immunity
ha! Sue-Li is right
you can be a detector
- defector - ha
that is what I mean
people only defect from East to
vest I'm already in the vest
go to chinese embassy and join the
republic of China and fight against
russian agression
but I want to
stay here in England
I have answer,
become british citizen
how
wife automatically take-o
nationality oh husband-o
hey tha Taro has got
something you must get married
hey how about Sid,
he's an englishman
he's already being married
hey, we put something
in the newspaper
smart englishman, plenty
money, good looks
to marry beautiful
german girl very sexy
I cant do that
yes you can
when I marry it
must be Mr. Right
- is he english? - Who?
- Mr. Right -
havent met him yet
how can you be marrying
someone you havent met yet?
She means when she marries, she
marries Mr. Right, not Mr. Wrong
- but he's be sound like a foreign
person - who? - Mr. Wrong
don't get any
notice for them Anna
what I mean is when I get
married it must be for love
you don't have to live with
him only got to do is only get
a british passport by getting married
then after couple of months you get
a divorce
who is going to marry me
for a couple of months
hey plenty people, let
us think of somebody
- first he's got to be
english - that's right
and a little bit stupid
- somebody simple - who we can
twist round our little finger
it is impossible
eh, God will find a way
tell me where is God going
to find a stupid
simple englishman
whom we can twist around
our little finger?
Deo Grazzia!
What was that one?
lts all right nothing nothing
about your homework
hey profesore after class we
invite you to the pub for a drink eh?
- That is very kind
of you - good
but I am afraid I've got
a lot of work to do
you must come bossh
we would be very disappointed
if you do not come
well if you put it like
that how can I resist?
Now don't forget we give Mr.
Brown plenty of the soft soap
- what is that soft
soap? - It's a flannel
soft soap, flannel, is he
going to have a bath?
I think he means we're going to be
getting mr. Brown in a good mood
eh! Why don't you speak
the better english?
Hey I think they are coming back
oki-toki you are not to
wory Anna we fix you up
- here we are then who
wanted - yes, yes
hey profesore, you sit
here next to Anna?
All right thank you
what shall we drink to?
- To the future!
- To the future! Salute
- you ever think about the future,
profesore? - Sometimes
- you ever think about getting
married bossh? - Not really!
- Hey every man should be married.
- Especially to a woman
- you mean to be living by yourself?
- Man-o should not-o stay alone-o
men and women are
meant to be for each other
in China it is the duty of each citizen
to marry and produce little citizens
you are missing lot
of very good pleasures
why are you all concerned
about getting me married of
we are only wanting
you to be happy
I am happy as I am thank you
what about you Anna, you
haven't said anything yet,
or are you against marriage?
Oh no I would like
to get married
I can't understand why she is
not married already,
such a beautiful girl,
eh profesore?
- Pardon? - That Anna,
she is a beautiful girl
yes, yes!
One day she is going to
make somebody a nice wife
she is a wonderful cook
- good with the house
cleaning - kind hearted
very careful with the money
faithful
a man should be lucky
to have such wife
I'm smelling something fishy
oh blime! It must be the curried
prawn I'm having for lunch
I'm not stupid, this has something
to do With you Anna, am I right?
Ya
ok we tell you the truth profesore,
Anna is in the big trouble
she, she is got to get married
got to!
Sure bossh, there
is no other way!
Miss Courtney was right then
miss Courtney knows about Anna?
She has expected,
correctly as it turns out
can you not be
help her master G?
I'll see what I can do now Anna
do you know who is responsible
for your condition?
- Ya! - Who?
The home secretary
I beg your pardon?
He is the one
are you sure?
Ya I'm sure
you must be mistaken
na, I'm sure
I'm afraid he must be lying
who was lying?
The person who told you he
was the home secretary
what person?
The person who put you
in the state you are in
ya the home secretary
it couldn't have
been the home secretary
it was, my friend Eva is
in the same boat with me
you mean your girlfriend
is in the same condition?
Ya
you and your girlfriend were in the
same boat with the home secretary?
I cant believe it
it's true, Eva has written to him but
he said her wisa cannot be extended
mine also is ending that is why I
must get married to an englishman
just a minute, you mean you want to
get married to stay in the country?
Ya
and for no other reason?
Nein
thank goodness for that
oki-toki when we
fix the wedding?
Wait a minute there is
not going to be a wedding
oh come on!!!
Look, as much as I sympathize
with you
I cannot marry
you, it wouldn't be right
I may be old fashioned
but I do believe
People should get married for love
And not only for a
matter of convenience
honestly I'm surprised at you lot,
who concocted a stupid idea like that
we only wanted to help Anna
we be feel sorry for her
well I'm sure you meant
well now cheers,
come on
I'll get some more drinks
- poor Anna! - She is
going to be very sad.
- Yeah - we have to
fix something Giovanni!
Hey I got it Maxi!
We get him drunk
who we get drunk?
Profesore, then tomorrow
he not remember anything and
we tell him he agreed to marry
Anna here tonight
in front of witnesses
Anna will never agree to that
sure she will
how do you know?
We get her drunk as well
- good evening Mr.
Brown? - Not particularly!
- Feeling under the weather? - Just
a bit, I had a little much to drink
last night
- bonassera profesore
- ah, good evening
- how are you feeling
bossh? - Terrible
- last night you were very happy
man - was I? I don't remember
you don't remember
dancing on the table?
I didn't!
You did, with Anna
just after you ask
her to marry you
yeah, well I'm afraid I d
what did you say I did?
You ask Anna to marry you
oh no!
- Oh yes! You say you feel
sorry for her - you don't
want her to go back to Germany
so you tell her you marry her
are you sure?
Positive, she is going to
fix the date tonight
you are a very lucky man
congratulations
I don't want congratulations
well come to think of it, it is
more an occasion for morning
I am not going to get married
well they seem to think you are
well they are wrong and
I am going to tell them so
oh!
Hi! In you places everybody listen please
I have something to tell you about
- Anna, just the person I want to see
- Mr. Brown what can I tell you?
- Well don't say anything - what you did
last night was wonderbul
- well its about last night
- I will never forget it
- Anna, listen to me - but
I cannot let you marry me
well I have one or two
more what did you say?
I cannot let you marry
me, there is no need
- you found somebody else?
- I telephone to the home secretary
he cannot marry you,
he's already got a wife
I phone about my wisa and he
tells me I can stay because
I'm part of common market
- but how can I thank you
for your kind offer
well that was nothing
would you have
actually done this thing
yes, I mean that's
what friends are for
My friend she's from
East Germany so she is
not part of common market
- Eva! - Which is Mr. Brown?
My liebchen, come to Eva