Rescue Me s03e06 Episode Script
Zombies
Previously on rescue me Jesus, come on.
Johnny's ex? I was seeing this wall street Guy, but, uh, he's too Possessive.
So, you think, uh, he would Mind if we you know, got dinner Sometime? Oh, Tommy.
I know you have some secret evil Plan in mind, and you know what? I've grown too mature for that Old school, old neighborhood Type of bullshit.
If you stay in your house, no Matter what you do, no matter How long you're there, you're Always gonna be the probie.
You gotta get out, Mike.
What are you doing? What? What are you kissing me for? I thought that's what you Wanted.
Why would you think that? I don't know, Tommy.
You were being all gay and Crying.
I thought I'd take a shot.
I wasn't crying, OK? Listen, Tommy, including Garrity, I got four guys in line Right now.
No, five.
Maggie, I'm not gonna play Fifth fiddle to anyone.
You told me that if I told You the truth, you wouldn't get Mad at me.
Well, I lied.
How's it feel? What the hell are you doing? Want me to call you, or no, uh I'll call you.
I want us to be together Forever.
I'll see what I can do about That.
The chick I've been Seeing, man.
Yeah.
She took my little girl, man.
She took Keela.
Oh, man.
You didn't tell her about the Foster family.
Yeah, I did, all right.
It slipped out in conversation.
How the hell was I supposed to Know she'd use it Against me, huh? I don't want you to call me.
It's over.
We're breaking up.
You're breaking yes.
Hey, you guys listening To this? Garrity's breaking up with me.
Who you calling a faggot, Faggot? You.
No, you're the faggot.
Yeah, OK, Mr.
Gay faggot guy standing out in His construction site spend the night.
It's 5 grand.
It should help you, uh is everything OK? Look, it's not what you Think, bud.
What I think is, that's the Most expensive piece of ass you Ever had, my friend.
I'm in.
You're in.
Yeah.
What we talked about at the bar.
Messing with Johnny and Janet.
I think it would be fun.
All right.
Bye.
Jesus.
Oh yeah.
Just a sec.
Oh, my God.
Oh hey.
Everything all right in here? Yeah, it's great.
You sure? Yeah.
All right.
Your old man pissed the bed Again.
Cool.
I, uh was thinking of maybe taking a Shit on the floor.
That's great.
Great.
See you later.
Maybe I'll just puke on the Couch.
Decisions, decisions.
Hey.
Hey, Tommy.
How you doing? How's it hanging man? Hanging all right.
Who's that talking to my probie Over there? Oh, that's rocko, man.
He's off to iraq next week.
Can you believe that? Yeah? Brave kid, huh? Yeah, brave or stupid.
One of the other.
How's, uh, how's your probie? He's all right, why? Just asking.
Yeah, yeah.
Just asking.
I've known you long enough to Know that just asking means Anything but.
I'll tell you what, he's a Complete idiot, but he's our Complete idiot, all right? OK, got you.
OK, OK, what's the nut on the Game, man? What do you want to do, like, You got it.
All right.
Let's get it on, man.
Yeah, let's get it on.
What is this, 1977? '77, '78, you're gonna get Yours.
Big time.
All right, guys.
You know the rules.
If you hit the bottle, all Right? I want to just tell you right Now, I want a round of applause Here for rocko.
He's going to iraq next week to Fight for our freedom, all Right? Now, before he goes, let's Give him one last gift.
A little, good old fashioned American ass kicking.
Here we go.
Probie, let's go! Hey, watch the ball, man.
Watch the ball.
Watch the probie.
Yeah, you know rocko's going Over there because it's for Freedom.
You know that.
Yeah, I understand.
And your probie yeah? He wants a transfer, and it Is his God given right, man.
Yeah! Yeah! What's going on? Huh? You banging that guy? What, I'm just being Friendly.
Yeah? Be friendly with somebody on Your own team, OK? Let's all sit down.
Ow! Nice shot, nice shot.
Hey, these guys get the rink In 5 minutes.
All right.
Next goal wins, OK? All right.
Yeah! Good stuff.
What do you got for me? Here.
400.
Good game, man.
Thank you.
By the way, I meant what I said About my probie.
Yeah, well.
So did I.
Yeah.
Hands off.
Do me a favor.
What's that? Will you give that to rocko for His trip.
Yeah.
Thank you, man.
You're welcome.
That's great.
Rematch next week? Yeah.
Oh, hey, Tommy.
Yeah.
Bite me, man.
* on another day, Come on, come on, With these ropes I tied, Can we do no wrong? Now we grieve 'Cause now is gone, Things were good When we were young, With my teeth locked down I can see the blood Of a thousand men Who have come and gone, Now we grieve 'Cause now is gone, Things were good When we were young, Is it safe to say? Come on, come on, Was it right to leave? Come on, come on, Will I ever learn? Come on, come on, Come on, come on, Come on, come on * Sony pictures television Hey, did we win? Yeah.
Yeah 200.
Daddy, way to go.
Yeah.
Yeah, daddy.
That's what I'm talking about.
Hey, probie.
Nice hustle out there today.
Thanks.
I need some ibuprofen.
You guys got any? That's interesting.
I got a whole giant bottle of Ibuprofen.
It's just sitting in my locker Waiting to be taken.
Really? Can I have some? No.
It's for me and my friends.
OK, can we be friends again? No, you broke up with me.
I'm sorry.
It's not that easy for me to Recover.
Come on, Tom, I'm In pain here.
I'm in pain, too, OK? Emotional pain.
Really? Yeah.
I was very, very hurt.
I'm kidding.
Brown, take the brown ones.
Don't take the white ones or the Red ones.
Why brown? Because brown is the Ibuprofen.
The red and the white ones are Left over from when I was Seriously addicted to pills.
Well, why didn't you just Throw them away? Because I'm sentimental.
About pills? Sarcasm.
All right, so, uh, the red, Right? Brown.
Brown.
Gonna take the brown.
Tell me he's not color blind.
I hope not.
Are you sure there's not Anything I can do? Honey, come on, look.
You handle the kids, right? You drive them to And from school.
You take them to their games.
You do their laundry.
Well, actually, lately, you Do the laundry.
Yeah, right, but you know, You take care of everything Else.
I feel guilty being at work all Day long while you're here doing Things.
I mean, the cooking's the least I can do.
Besides, I enjoy cooking For you guys.
You know, how the hell you And Tommy came from the same House.
I don't know.
That's beyond me.
You're always on time.
You come straight home from Work.
And I never have to wonder where You are or what you're up to.
What do you say, half a Cupcake for katy? Huh? She's been real good at her Homework lately.
Yeah, OK.
OK.
Oh, yay.
What's the capital of Massachusetts? Boston.
Connecticut? Hartford.
California? Sacramento.
You're a smart one, huh? There you go.
Listen.
Mm-Hmm? I got about 10 minutes left On my chicken and potatoes.
I'm gonna go upstairs and talk To colleen about what happened In school today.
You know, it is so not OK to Slap your classmate in the Middle of class.
I'll handle it.
She's out of control.
Hey, I'll handle it.
I like uncle Johnny.
He's so nice.
He never gets mad.
He never yells at us.
And he never does that thing That daddy does where he would Say something and then, like, a Few seconds later, he'd have to Explain that he didn't mean what He just said.
Oh, you mean sarcasm.
Yep.
That's it.
Mm-Hmm.
Yeah.
Daddy's funny that way.
Between the smokin' can and The street hockey take, we got Almost 2 grand here.
It's unbelievable.
Why don't we call a truce, OK? We all quit smoking anyway, so Why don't we call a truce and Buy something we really need.
New ipod.
How about a boom box.
Come on, a new microwave.
That oven is so old, it's Leaking microwaves when it's not Even on.
Pretty soon we're all gonna be Growing an extra cock and a pair Of tits.
Look at me, come on.
I'm halfway there.
An ipod can hold 35,000 Songs.
Hip-Hop songs.
Hey.
Will you please get me a Little garlic out of the fridge, Too, please? Batting cage.
Batting cage.
I'm just throwing those two Words out.
If we get a batting cage, we win The department softball Tournament every goddamn summer.
I guarantee it.
Yeah, we need music.
I need a bra.
Hey, how about a couple new Halligans and maybe that new saw We were all bitchin' about the City not getting for us Last week? I feel like a million bucks, Man.
Thanks for that ibuprofen.
That stuff's like a wonder drug, You know? They should make you take it Every morning.
Vitamin I.
Half an hour ago, I couldn't Walk now I feel fantastic.
Hey, Jesus.
Look at all this money.
How much is that? Know what we should get? A batting cage.
Shoot me.
Well, come on.
We dominated the department Softball league every summer.
Great minds.
Just got a call from an Inside source.
Due to recent bad press, Vis-A-Vis, the sex scandal from That firehouse downtown, they're Sending over a crew to Confiscate all the dirty Magazines, pornographic tapes, Dvds, as well as the computers That might contain traces of Pornographic websites.
Magazines? Yeah, playboy, perfect 10.
Everything.
This is bullshit, Chief.
That's what the department's Come to, Tom.
Bunch of micro-Managing, Bullshit bean counters.
Showing up out of the blue.
Pricks.
Call me when The meal's on.
All right, Chief.
Unbelievable.
This is what they're going to Waste their time on.
That's my copy.
Give me that.
That's mine.
This is so sad.
Really sad.
You're right.
It's sad.
We've reduced ourselves To animals.
That's what we are.
Yeah, a bunch of dumb ass, Animal house frat boys.
Morons.
Morons might be a bit harsh.
No.
Morons is right.
Cause all of the porno tapes, The dvds, are up in the Bunk room.
Son of a bitch.
What in the hell happened To him? Man, he must have taken the White pills.
The sleeping pills.
He's totally dead to the World.
What kind were they? Somunall.
Somunall? Goddamn, Tommy.
Those are the pills that have Been in the newspaper.
I know, I know.
What are you talking about? People sleepwalk on those Pills.
They sleepwalk, they sleepdrive, They sleepeat.
There's a woman on the news Talking about how she gained 100 Pounds while she was on weight Watchers cause every night, Unbeknownst to her, she'd Sleepwalk down to the kitchen And sleepeat her way through 2 Bags of oreos, 4 pints of Haagen-Dazs and a dozen donuts.
What about sleepfoodshopping.
Talking about pointing the wrong Finger.
Why do you still have the Pills if you don't take them Anymore? Duh.
I'm a junkie, OK? But you quit now, right? Yeah, but in case I had a Relapse, I didn't want to have To go searching for the pills.
I was, I was planning ahead.
Oh, yeah, for the bender that AA is supposed to stop you from Having.
Nice cult you joined, by the Way.
Look, sleepwalking is the Least of our problems.
He took 4.
He's gonna be sleeping till, you Know we gotta get him out of here Before the Chief sees him, all Right? And make sure he hasn't drowned In my spinach dip.
You wanna have some? You're kidding me, right? Come on.
I make a good, goddamn Spinach dip.
That's ridiculous.
You got pills, I got dip.
OK, let's get him up.
Probie, get his legs.
Got it.
Jesus Christ.
Get him, get him, get him, Get him.
Oh come on.
Watch his head.
Watch it.
Got him? Watch his head, mcmahon.
Jesus, Garrity.
You know something, why don't You tie your shoes, you know? Here we go.
Watch it.
He's out.
Mikey, go get something to Clean up his puss, will you? All right.
Get paper towels or something To wipe actually, get a rag and Wet it down, OK? This is what you're planning Ahead for, huh? Franco, you got a rag over there Or something? Franco, get away from that Porno.
I'm just, I'm taking what's Mine.
Oh, yeah.
Let me see.
Let me see.
Let me see.
Yeah.
Forrest hump.
Mine.
King schlong.
Mine.
King schlong's mine actually.
No, you brought in King dong.
Ah, right.
It sucked, by the way.
All the girls had skeeter bites For tits.
That's because they're real Tits, Franco.
That's what real tits look like, OK? Johnny giant fake boob.
Yeah, well, excuse me for Being an American, OK? I like to suck on big tits.
Now it's a political issue? I'm a terrorist because I like Real tits? It's political, what are you Talking about? What about the sad fags? What sad fags? Guys, guys.
Are we actually arguing about Tits, come on.
Ladder.
Batallion.
You know what, guys.
I know this address.
My cousin's a sculptor.
He used to have a studio in this Place.
It's like a whole warehouse.
It's divided up into, like a Million, tiny little rooms.
Just keep your head straight Cause you get lost in there, it Can get real confusing real Fast, you know? You got a cousin who's a Sculptor? Yeah, every family's got a Black sheep.
Most families get, like, a Retard, or a guy that likes to Wear dresses, we got a sculptor.
Yeah, retard, sculptor.
Same thing really.
Yeah, there was a retard Sculptor.
Think.
Yeah.
Really brilliant work.
And he was real quick, too.
He'd make like one or two Statues a day.
Only one problem though.
What was that? He liked the taste of clay.
So you're saying yeah, he'd eat his own work.
Goddamn, what a waste.
Not really, you know every Time he took a shit, genius.
Ah, Lou.
T, you and the probie go down That way, Franco and I are gonna Head this way.
What'd they say, 5 people on This floor? I said 5, 5.
Whoa.
Got it, frank? Yeah.
Anybody in here, anybody Hear me? Anybody in here? It's down here, Franco.
All right.
You all right? Oh you OK? Yeah, I lost my goddamn hook.
You got it? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let's go in.
You all right? Yeah.
Yeah.
What do we do now? It's got to be north.
Window's on the north side.
Go, it's jammed.
I can't see shit in here.
Me, neither.
Grab a wall.
All right.
What you got in there, Lou? I got nothing.
Shit! Shit! Shit! Lou! I'm sinking! Shit! Probie! I think she's OK.
Grab her.
All right.
T, guy's gone.
The kid.
The kid's still got a chance.
OK.
Hey, hurry.
Yeah.
We're stuck.
Where? We're in a room off the Hallway we went down.
We're losing air time.
You gotta hurry.
OK.
I'm on my way, I'm on my way.
Yo, grab him.
Lou, where are you guys? We're in a room across the Hallway, t.
It should be facing north.
The windows face north.
Turn on the pass alarm.
All right.
I got you.
T, hurry! We're almost out of air.
Lou.
Hey.
This way, guys.
Take my spot.
Take my spot.
You all right? Shit.
I can't find my axe.
I got it.
That's a problem.
Hey, what happened? I tried getting through on the Radio.
Everything all right? Yeah, yeah.
Where the hell is Garrity? He never left the house.
It's a long story, Chief.
Tom? It's a mess.
A goddamn mess.
Goddamn doors everywhere.
Everybody get out? Yeah.
Right.
Any kids? No, why? Checking.
You all right? Yeah, that was fun, huh? Oh, yeah.
Next best thing to having sex, Right? Shoulder's killing me, man.
Hey, I've been meaning to ask You.
How's Keela? Ah, you know, they're in Disneyland for 10 days.
I'm gonna see her when she Gets back.
Right, right.
I guess that's better than Nothing, right? Can you do me a favor? Can you doublecheck on Lou cause I'm worried about him.
Yeah.
I'll take care of this shit.
All right.
Hey, man.
You wanna grab a beer after Work? I gotta go see my uncle red.
Oh, yeah.
How's he doing? Face cancer.
Spread to his balls.
How did that happen? Sucking his own cock.
Too much.
Sorry about tonight, frankie.
Oh, hey, man.
Don't even sweat it, you know What I mean.
At least you had an idea.
I didn't know which goddamn way To go.
Yeah.
You know, Lou, you know when I get stuck like that, there's Only two people who's lead I'd Follow in a heartbeat.
That's you and Tommy.
You've saved my ass, goddamn I Don't even know how many times.
So tonight you didn't.
Yeah.
That's all you gotta say, Is yeah? Uh-Huh? No sweat, man.
Hey, buddy.
Where's the mustard? Thanks very much.
You know something, pal? You got to lose, like, Seriously, bro.
If I got to pull you out of a Fire, it's gonna be awful slow Going.
Juice.
Hey, lady.
Wow, that's a really ugly baby.
I mean, I'm sure she's gonna Grow up to be a very gorgeous Person one day, but there's no Reason why should be showing her Off in public anytime soon.
OK, bye bye.
Sir.
Sir! Yes? You have to pay.
No, no.
It's OK.
I'm a fireman.
With 62 truck.
We already don't get paid enough As it is.
And God forbid this store catch On fire, I would be the one to Run in here and save all of you.
So, I mean, I think The least that you can do is Offer me some free food, you Know, as reward.
OK, and buddy, that comb over, It's not fooling anyone.
Good luck, God bless.
Good night, new York.
Hey, what's up, man? This your car? Yeah, it's cool, right? Sorry? The car.
It's cool, right? You know what color that is? Copper.
Hey, what you Writing there? A ticket.
Wow.
You can write those? Yeah.
Do me a favor.
Will you write me 2 tickets to The u2 concert at the garden? I love u2.
My mom and my sister.
My mom loves Bono because of the Whole world hunger thing.
Actually, my mom's will you Write us 12? What? Whoa, hey.
Cool gun.
Put your hands behind your Head.
Oh, my God.
I got a, uh, Jesus, I don't Know what else to call it.
A zombie over here.
Hey, I'll call you tomorrow, Bro.
Take some candy.
They're giving it away.
I never heard you guys so Quiet.
What the hell happened in there? Nothing.
It was a little messy, That's all.
What the hell? Who are you? You bill? No, no I'm not bill.
Oh, you must be otis.
Otis? Who the hell is otis? Goddamn it, Sean.
You're nacho.
That's right, asshole.
Who the hell was that? I think that was my new Boyfriend.
What's going on, officer? A man wearing a tee-Shirt That had a ladder 62 FDNY logo On it doubleparked over at the Supermarket, and he, uh, I don't Know how else to say this, he Looked like, uh, like a zombie.
A zombie.
He stole food and candy.
He was really scary.
And he told me, told me I should Lose weight.
He called my baby ugly.
What he say to you? He made fun of my hair.
Well, look, you know, we're All pretty much accounted for Here except for Garrity is Upstairs sleeping in the Bunkroom.
You sure about that? Yeah, he took 4 sleeping Pills.
Accidentally, Chief, and he's Gonna be sleeping until the Middle of next week, at least.
And he's been accused of a lot Of things, in the course of his Life, but being a brutally Honest, scary looking, walk the Earth type of zombie.
It's a little bit off his list.
No offense, folks, you know? Hey, guys.
Look what I got.
A bunny.
It's cool, right? I always wanted a bunny.
Hey, bro, you know what? I'm gonna need 2 more tickets to That u2 concert.
Turns out my dad and my stepmom Are huge fans.
Mostly my stepmom.
She's my age, my dad's, like, Actually when you think about It.
I'm gonna go find this guy some Carrots.
Hey some fireman from this house Just took my yeah, let me guess.
He just stole a bunny rabbit, Right? It's here.
Yeah.
You're gonna love this.
You remember shirley cappacona, The blonde with the big tits who Used to hang out with Janet and Sheila and they always used to Make fun of me and all those Girls, and they all hated me? Yeah.
Well, she's a hostess at a Shitty, little Italian place.
She's working tonight.
She knows all about you and Janet and Johnny and me.
And? So, we show up there, we Totally act like we're together.
By 11 o'clock tonight, she can't Keep her hands off the phone.
Johnny and Janet are cursing our Souls to eternal hell.
You know, let me think about It.
It sounds like it might be hey, I made a 10 o'clock Reservation.
Get your skinny, little ass over Here.
Pronto.
OK.
Sean of the dead? Goddamn that's good dip.
Yeah.
Hey, are you on your Way home? What do you mean? For what? Well, your dad's drunk.
Again.
And he's asleep.
But I was thinking since you're Off tonight that, um, maybe we Might talk.
For what? I don't know.
Whatever.
You.
Us.
Your crying jags.
Jag, jag? OK, it was one time.
Uh-Huh.
Jags.
Listen, Tommy I went through this.
OK? It comes in waves.
I used to fall apart in the Cereal aisle in the grocery Store for 2 years after 9/11.
Or in the car out of the blue, Or in the shower.
I used to talk to people about It.
I talked to my therapist and to My psychic.
Yeah, right.
The lesbo.
Look, you gotta talk about This or it ain't gonna go away.
You know, I'm running late Here.
I gotta get home, All right? I think you have a date, and You don't want to tell me About it.
What? And let me tell you Something, I could give less of A shit because I got stuff going On in that department, too.
I got dates of my own.
Is that so? Like what? Like, uh, oh, Tony scaluso.
What, the weightlifter, Steroid guy? I went out with him last Night.
We had dinner.
And he is a total asshole, but The body on him.
You slept with him? Oh! That's none of your business.
Who else? You really want to get into This? L I got to go.
You're what, you're sleeping Around now? Sampling.
I'm sampling.
You? Gotta go.
Hey.
Come in, come in.
I think we better rehearse.
Rehearse? What we're gonna do.
OK, sit down.
All right.
Um, so we're gonna start like This, right? OK.
We order appetizers and our Wine, in your case, water, OK? Right.
Wine comes, we sip, we talk, We laugh.
And then, you take this hand, And then you put it here.
Oh, OK.
Then, I lean in and I laugh.
Ha ha ha.
And I put this hand here.
Then you lean in, and you Whisper something that I find Very sexy.
OK.
And then you kiss me.
OK.
OK, go ahead.
Uh, go ahead? Go ahead, kiss me.
Oh, OK.
Um uh hey.
What kind of pussy kiss was That? You have to kiss me like you Mean it.
L-L-I OK.
You know what? Linger a little.
OK.
Linger.
Tommy, you want to make it Look real, right? Yes, yes.
OK.
All right, so, here I go.
Oh, you're good at this.
OK.
That's good.
Um, yes.
The third time that you kiss Me oh, there's three.
There's four.
There's five actually if you Count the deep tongue kiss with The mutual groping and the tit Rub on the sidewalk after we Leave.
But the third time that you kiss Me, grab my ass a little.
OK.
Define a little.
OK, so you kiss me again.
This is the third kiss? Yeah.
Kiss, linger, hand behind the Head, ass grab.
OK.
Got it.
All right.
Mmm.
Oh, oh, oh.
You are good at this.
This is gonna be fun.
Yes, yes.
OK! Do you want to try the Sidewalk tit rub thing? Uh, no.
I'll explain it to you in the Car.
OK, OK.
Hello.
Hey, it's me.
Hey, you on your way? Uh, well, we had a situation Here and Garrity's kind of Messed up.
And the Chief asked me to cover For him.
Goddamnit.
I gotta work.
Mike, I was making us Linguine.
I know, I know.
I'm sorry.
So, they couldn't get someone Else to cover? They all got seniority.
Mike, you gotta get out of That house.
I know.
Christ.
So, when will you be home? Uh, pretty late.
Like after midnight.
OK.
You pissed? No, no.
I'll see you then, pal.
We just caught a break, big Boy.
So, cancer.
My face, my balls, that's it.
Face and balls.
That's pretty serious.
Hey, my age, face and balls Is the least important part of My life.
Mouth, ass, legs, hands.
In that order, my friend.
I gotta eat, I gotta shit, and I Gotta walk.
I gotta pick stuff up.
Otherwise, the rest of me is Pretty much cancer friendly.
No vodka, red? Vodka's for fags and women.
Real irishmen drink whiskey.
Get that in you.
Beer chaser? It's dark out, for Christ's Sake.
So, what's eating you? I screwed up tonight.
I lost my bearings.
I almost took me and Franco out.
Tommy had to save our asses.
That's why we have tommys.
No, it's me.
I've been drinking too much.
Thinking about this broad who Screwed me over.
I miss my ex-Wife.
Who seems all too happy, by the Way.
I don't know.
Drink your drink.
We're going out.
Going out where? You'll see.
Listen to me, kid.
I was a fireman for 50 goddamn Years.
A real fireman.
Before Scott packs and oxygen Masks and all this over goddamn Pussy breathing apparatus Bullshit.
We went into a fire with a Cigarette in one hand and a Halligan in the other.
And I know a sorry for Yourself story when I hear one.
I'm taking you downtown.
Refill my glass.
You look great, shirl.
So do you.
And you, too, Tommy.
Oh, thanks, shirl.
I can't believe you guys just Happened to stop in here.
Oh, you know, well, we were Just in the neighborhood, and, Uh, we were thinking Italian.
How's Tony? Oh, he's great.
Our 25 year anniversary's coming Up next month.
Wow.
Well, that's great.
I know.
I know.
So try the spaghetti bolognese.
It's heaven.
Thanks, shirl.
Thank you, shirl.
It's really busy in here.
We might have to go right into Ass grab mode.
Really? Yeah, yeah.
Look around.
The place is jammed.
Phone's ringing off the hook.
Kiss me.
Now? Yeah.
Kiss, linger, ass grab.
Now.
OK.
Perfect.
Really? You see her face? No, I was a little busy.
Holy shit.
She's going for the phone.
OK.
OK.
Rub my left thigh.
It could be, uh, just a Reservation.
I don't think so.
Rub my left thigh.
OK.
Sexier, more subtle.
Oh, OK.
Oh, shit.
She hung up.
It must've been a work call.
Goddamnit.
All right.
I guess I better order.
OK.
Just for our discriminating Customers, I'm gonna seat you Guys in the vip section.
Bring us a couple of big Whiskeys, georgie.
And a cheeseburger.
Lou? I'm good with the whiskey.
Thanks.
Thanks, georgie.
No problem, red.
Hey, you look great.
As always.
You, too, kid.
No matter what you think, and Believe me, every fireman at Some point in his career gets The jangle.
That little bit of nervous wreck That hits you right in the ball Sack.
It's normal.
If you don't feel it, that's When you should start to worry.
But you are making a difference Every goddamn day.
Not today I didn't.
OK, not every day.
But most days.
You pull on those boots, that Gear, you jump on the rig Tomorrow, maybe that's the day.
Thanks, georgie.
It's my treat, by the way.
Bullshit.
When have you ever paid for Anything in this joint? Shut up and drink, old man.
All right, so let's cut to The Chase.
You remember when you were a Teenager? I used to tell you about that Kid got trapped in a tenement Fire in the bronx? Burned all over his legs? Out cold? I pulled him out.
Only reason I found him was I Took a wrong turn, I smelled Flesh burning, it was coming From under the bed.
He was in a coma for over a Month.
I visited him in the hospital.
Yeah, I know it was a big Fire.
It was in all the papers.
Pictures of it.
My mother had it up on the Mantle.
Right.
That kid? That was georgie.
I don't take a wrong turn that Day, georgie ain't cooking me This cheeseburger tonight.
Somebody else might heig M.
Vehi Might've, woulde, w could've.
You can't re-Write history, my Friend.
I make a wrong turn that day, Georgie cooks e cocheeseburgerer Tonight.
It.
It's that simple.
No bullst.
B That in your pipe and smoke It.
Where's my burger, asshole? What I w, David copperfield Ere? Hang on! This ck ts.
Really? Us E my linguine's pretty good.
G No, no, no.
She's so busy, she's not even Looking over here.
Oh.
Oh, no.
W Hat? .
>Ex He's outside.
I can't believe it.
This guy won't Let it go.
How did he even know We were here? I told you he follows me Around.
All right.
I'm gonna put an end to this Right now.
No, Tommy.
I'm telling you, sebastian's Crazy.
His name is sebastian? Yeah.
I think I can handle it.
Hey, asshole.
I know who you are.
Yeah? She's mine.
She loves me.
I got news for you, pal.
She hates your guts, all right? And I'm gonna tell you something Else, next time I see you Around, I'm not calling the Cops.
I'm gonna kick your Midget little ass myself.
OK, sebastian? OK.
That would be the next time you Have the balls to take her out On a date.
You got that? Really? Yeah.
You got that? Hey.
He's leaving? Yeah.
By the way, this guy's tiny.
I've taken bigger shits than This guy.
I'm telling you, Tommy.
Yeah, yeah.
He knows kung fu.
Ooh, I'm scared.
She's watching us right now.
Oh, really.
Uh-Huh.
She's got the phone In her hands.
Yeah? So, kiss yeah.
Linger.
Mm-Hmm.
Grope, ass grab, tit rub.
OK, wait a minute.
I forgot.
Grope ass grab, tit rub, go ahead.
Uh-Huh.
She's still on the phone.
It's working like a goddamn Charm.
Second tit rub.
Go.
OK.
She hung up.
All right.
Let's go.
Oh, what about the bill? No, no, no.
I paid it.
It's OK.
Come on.
Arm in arm.
You are a great kisser.
Oh, my God.
I know.
You, too.
Wait a second.
It's Janet.
Answer it.
Right, right, right.
Yeah.
Uh uh well, actually, Lou's sleeping Over at uncle red's tonight.
And, you know, dad's probably Asleep.
He's asleep by 9:30 every night When there's five glasses of Wine in him.
What's up? How's half an hour? All right.
I'll see you then.
What, what, what? She wants to talk, and it Sounds urgent.
Oh, my God! This is unbelievable.
Oh, my God.
Goddamn bitch.
He's gonna shit bricks when he Finds out.
The scumbag.
Come on, come on.
Let's get Me home.
Oh, right, right, right.
Hey.
Hi.
How you doing? So, are we alone? Yeah.
I mean, dad's here, but he's Dreaming of dead nazis.
How you doing? Good.
You're not gonna kiss me hello? Oh, yeah, yeah.
Of course.
So how you been? What? You pissed about something? Yeah.
A little.
Wha what? The kiss.
Huh? Well, is that all you got? What do you mean? Holy shit.
Jesus, Janet.
Wow.
Hey oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, baby.
Oh oh, oh.
Yeah, baby.
Shit.
Wow.
That was great.
Yeah.
I know.
So, listen colleen's been in some trouble At school.
Oh, boy.
Yeah, she called her teacher A bitch, and she slapped one of Her classmates.
So they want her to see a Counselor.
I think it has to do with Connor.
And you not being around Anymore.
Right.
It has nothing to do with the Fact that you're sleeping with And living with her uncle.
I would really appreciate it If you went with her to the First session.
I think Johnny should go.
I think he could really make Some good use out of some time With a shrink.
OK, Tommy, it is not a Shrink.
They help the kids out.
They talk them through things.
You know, like last year when Colleen's classmate got killed In that airplane crash.
The counselor helped them talk Through their grief.
But, you know what, just forget It.
No, no, no.
You know what? I'll do it.
I should be spending more time With her anyway.
That would be nice.
I'll do it.
Thanks.
For the colleen thing or The both.
Payback's a bitch, huh? Yeah.
Hey.
Can you talk? There's no way shirley got a Hold of her.
You sure? I'm pretty goddamn sure.
Well, she was talking to Somebody.
I could tell by the Way she was hawkeyeing us when We were outside.
Yeah, well.
It wasn't Janet.
I don't know who else it Could've been.
Well, who else would give A shit? No! No! No! No! You bastard!
Johnny's ex? I was seeing this wall street Guy, but, uh, he's too Possessive.
So, you think, uh, he would Mind if we you know, got dinner Sometime? Oh, Tommy.
I know you have some secret evil Plan in mind, and you know what? I've grown too mature for that Old school, old neighborhood Type of bullshit.
If you stay in your house, no Matter what you do, no matter How long you're there, you're Always gonna be the probie.
You gotta get out, Mike.
What are you doing? What? What are you kissing me for? I thought that's what you Wanted.
Why would you think that? I don't know, Tommy.
You were being all gay and Crying.
I thought I'd take a shot.
I wasn't crying, OK? Listen, Tommy, including Garrity, I got four guys in line Right now.
No, five.
Maggie, I'm not gonna play Fifth fiddle to anyone.
You told me that if I told You the truth, you wouldn't get Mad at me.
Well, I lied.
How's it feel? What the hell are you doing? Want me to call you, or no, uh I'll call you.
I want us to be together Forever.
I'll see what I can do about That.
The chick I've been Seeing, man.
Yeah.
She took my little girl, man.
She took Keela.
Oh, man.
You didn't tell her about the Foster family.
Yeah, I did, all right.
It slipped out in conversation.
How the hell was I supposed to Know she'd use it Against me, huh? I don't want you to call me.
It's over.
We're breaking up.
You're breaking yes.
Hey, you guys listening To this? Garrity's breaking up with me.
Who you calling a faggot, Faggot? You.
No, you're the faggot.
Yeah, OK, Mr.
Gay faggot guy standing out in His construction site spend the night.
It's 5 grand.
It should help you, uh is everything OK? Look, it's not what you Think, bud.
What I think is, that's the Most expensive piece of ass you Ever had, my friend.
I'm in.
You're in.
Yeah.
What we talked about at the bar.
Messing with Johnny and Janet.
I think it would be fun.
All right.
Bye.
Jesus.
Oh yeah.
Just a sec.
Oh, my God.
Oh hey.
Everything all right in here? Yeah, it's great.
You sure? Yeah.
All right.
Your old man pissed the bed Again.
Cool.
I, uh was thinking of maybe taking a Shit on the floor.
That's great.
Great.
See you later.
Maybe I'll just puke on the Couch.
Decisions, decisions.
Hey.
Hey, Tommy.
How you doing? How's it hanging man? Hanging all right.
Who's that talking to my probie Over there? Oh, that's rocko, man.
He's off to iraq next week.
Can you believe that? Yeah? Brave kid, huh? Yeah, brave or stupid.
One of the other.
How's, uh, how's your probie? He's all right, why? Just asking.
Yeah, yeah.
Just asking.
I've known you long enough to Know that just asking means Anything but.
I'll tell you what, he's a Complete idiot, but he's our Complete idiot, all right? OK, got you.
OK, OK, what's the nut on the Game, man? What do you want to do, like, You got it.
All right.
Let's get it on, man.
Yeah, let's get it on.
What is this, 1977? '77, '78, you're gonna get Yours.
Big time.
All right, guys.
You know the rules.
If you hit the bottle, all Right? I want to just tell you right Now, I want a round of applause Here for rocko.
He's going to iraq next week to Fight for our freedom, all Right? Now, before he goes, let's Give him one last gift.
A little, good old fashioned American ass kicking.
Here we go.
Probie, let's go! Hey, watch the ball, man.
Watch the ball.
Watch the probie.
Yeah, you know rocko's going Over there because it's for Freedom.
You know that.
Yeah, I understand.
And your probie yeah? He wants a transfer, and it Is his God given right, man.
Yeah! Yeah! What's going on? Huh? You banging that guy? What, I'm just being Friendly.
Yeah? Be friendly with somebody on Your own team, OK? Let's all sit down.
Ow! Nice shot, nice shot.
Hey, these guys get the rink In 5 minutes.
All right.
Next goal wins, OK? All right.
Yeah! Good stuff.
What do you got for me? Here.
400.
Good game, man.
Thank you.
By the way, I meant what I said About my probie.
Yeah, well.
So did I.
Yeah.
Hands off.
Do me a favor.
What's that? Will you give that to rocko for His trip.
Yeah.
Thank you, man.
You're welcome.
That's great.
Rematch next week? Yeah.
Oh, hey, Tommy.
Yeah.
Bite me, man.
* on another day, Come on, come on, With these ropes I tied, Can we do no wrong? Now we grieve 'Cause now is gone, Things were good When we were young, With my teeth locked down I can see the blood Of a thousand men Who have come and gone, Now we grieve 'Cause now is gone, Things were good When we were young, Is it safe to say? Come on, come on, Was it right to leave? Come on, come on, Will I ever learn? Come on, come on, Come on, come on, Come on, come on * Sony pictures television Hey, did we win? Yeah.
Yeah 200.
Daddy, way to go.
Yeah.
Yeah, daddy.
That's what I'm talking about.
Hey, probie.
Nice hustle out there today.
Thanks.
I need some ibuprofen.
You guys got any? That's interesting.
I got a whole giant bottle of Ibuprofen.
It's just sitting in my locker Waiting to be taken.
Really? Can I have some? No.
It's for me and my friends.
OK, can we be friends again? No, you broke up with me.
I'm sorry.
It's not that easy for me to Recover.
Come on, Tom, I'm In pain here.
I'm in pain, too, OK? Emotional pain.
Really? Yeah.
I was very, very hurt.
I'm kidding.
Brown, take the brown ones.
Don't take the white ones or the Red ones.
Why brown? Because brown is the Ibuprofen.
The red and the white ones are Left over from when I was Seriously addicted to pills.
Well, why didn't you just Throw them away? Because I'm sentimental.
About pills? Sarcasm.
All right, so, uh, the red, Right? Brown.
Brown.
Gonna take the brown.
Tell me he's not color blind.
I hope not.
Are you sure there's not Anything I can do? Honey, come on, look.
You handle the kids, right? You drive them to And from school.
You take them to their games.
You do their laundry.
Well, actually, lately, you Do the laundry.
Yeah, right, but you know, You take care of everything Else.
I feel guilty being at work all Day long while you're here doing Things.
I mean, the cooking's the least I can do.
Besides, I enjoy cooking For you guys.
You know, how the hell you And Tommy came from the same House.
I don't know.
That's beyond me.
You're always on time.
You come straight home from Work.
And I never have to wonder where You are or what you're up to.
What do you say, half a Cupcake for katy? Huh? She's been real good at her Homework lately.
Yeah, OK.
OK.
Oh, yay.
What's the capital of Massachusetts? Boston.
Connecticut? Hartford.
California? Sacramento.
You're a smart one, huh? There you go.
Listen.
Mm-Hmm? I got about 10 minutes left On my chicken and potatoes.
I'm gonna go upstairs and talk To colleen about what happened In school today.
You know, it is so not OK to Slap your classmate in the Middle of class.
I'll handle it.
She's out of control.
Hey, I'll handle it.
I like uncle Johnny.
He's so nice.
He never gets mad.
He never yells at us.
And he never does that thing That daddy does where he would Say something and then, like, a Few seconds later, he'd have to Explain that he didn't mean what He just said.
Oh, you mean sarcasm.
Yep.
That's it.
Mm-Hmm.
Yeah.
Daddy's funny that way.
Between the smokin' can and The street hockey take, we got Almost 2 grand here.
It's unbelievable.
Why don't we call a truce, OK? We all quit smoking anyway, so Why don't we call a truce and Buy something we really need.
New ipod.
How about a boom box.
Come on, a new microwave.
That oven is so old, it's Leaking microwaves when it's not Even on.
Pretty soon we're all gonna be Growing an extra cock and a pair Of tits.
Look at me, come on.
I'm halfway there.
An ipod can hold 35,000 Songs.
Hip-Hop songs.
Hey.
Will you please get me a Little garlic out of the fridge, Too, please? Batting cage.
Batting cage.
I'm just throwing those two Words out.
If we get a batting cage, we win The department softball Tournament every goddamn summer.
I guarantee it.
Yeah, we need music.
I need a bra.
Hey, how about a couple new Halligans and maybe that new saw We were all bitchin' about the City not getting for us Last week? I feel like a million bucks, Man.
Thanks for that ibuprofen.
That stuff's like a wonder drug, You know? They should make you take it Every morning.
Vitamin I.
Half an hour ago, I couldn't Walk now I feel fantastic.
Hey, Jesus.
Look at all this money.
How much is that? Know what we should get? A batting cage.
Shoot me.
Well, come on.
We dominated the department Softball league every summer.
Great minds.
Just got a call from an Inside source.
Due to recent bad press, Vis-A-Vis, the sex scandal from That firehouse downtown, they're Sending over a crew to Confiscate all the dirty Magazines, pornographic tapes, Dvds, as well as the computers That might contain traces of Pornographic websites.
Magazines? Yeah, playboy, perfect 10.
Everything.
This is bullshit, Chief.
That's what the department's Come to, Tom.
Bunch of micro-Managing, Bullshit bean counters.
Showing up out of the blue.
Pricks.
Call me when The meal's on.
All right, Chief.
Unbelievable.
This is what they're going to Waste their time on.
That's my copy.
Give me that.
That's mine.
This is so sad.
Really sad.
You're right.
It's sad.
We've reduced ourselves To animals.
That's what we are.
Yeah, a bunch of dumb ass, Animal house frat boys.
Morons.
Morons might be a bit harsh.
No.
Morons is right.
Cause all of the porno tapes, The dvds, are up in the Bunk room.
Son of a bitch.
What in the hell happened To him? Man, he must have taken the White pills.
The sleeping pills.
He's totally dead to the World.
What kind were they? Somunall.
Somunall? Goddamn, Tommy.
Those are the pills that have Been in the newspaper.
I know, I know.
What are you talking about? People sleepwalk on those Pills.
They sleepwalk, they sleepdrive, They sleepeat.
There's a woman on the news Talking about how she gained 100 Pounds while she was on weight Watchers cause every night, Unbeknownst to her, she'd Sleepwalk down to the kitchen And sleepeat her way through 2 Bags of oreos, 4 pints of Haagen-Dazs and a dozen donuts.
What about sleepfoodshopping.
Talking about pointing the wrong Finger.
Why do you still have the Pills if you don't take them Anymore? Duh.
I'm a junkie, OK? But you quit now, right? Yeah, but in case I had a Relapse, I didn't want to have To go searching for the pills.
I was, I was planning ahead.
Oh, yeah, for the bender that AA is supposed to stop you from Having.
Nice cult you joined, by the Way.
Look, sleepwalking is the Least of our problems.
He took 4.
He's gonna be sleeping till, you Know we gotta get him out of here Before the Chief sees him, all Right? And make sure he hasn't drowned In my spinach dip.
You wanna have some? You're kidding me, right? Come on.
I make a good, goddamn Spinach dip.
That's ridiculous.
You got pills, I got dip.
OK, let's get him up.
Probie, get his legs.
Got it.
Jesus Christ.
Get him, get him, get him, Get him.
Oh come on.
Watch his head.
Watch it.
Got him? Watch his head, mcmahon.
Jesus, Garrity.
You know something, why don't You tie your shoes, you know? Here we go.
Watch it.
He's out.
Mikey, go get something to Clean up his puss, will you? All right.
Get paper towels or something To wipe actually, get a rag and Wet it down, OK? This is what you're planning Ahead for, huh? Franco, you got a rag over there Or something? Franco, get away from that Porno.
I'm just, I'm taking what's Mine.
Oh, yeah.
Let me see.
Let me see.
Let me see.
Yeah.
Forrest hump.
Mine.
King schlong.
Mine.
King schlong's mine actually.
No, you brought in King dong.
Ah, right.
It sucked, by the way.
All the girls had skeeter bites For tits.
That's because they're real Tits, Franco.
That's what real tits look like, OK? Johnny giant fake boob.
Yeah, well, excuse me for Being an American, OK? I like to suck on big tits.
Now it's a political issue? I'm a terrorist because I like Real tits? It's political, what are you Talking about? What about the sad fags? What sad fags? Guys, guys.
Are we actually arguing about Tits, come on.
Ladder.
Batallion.
You know what, guys.
I know this address.
My cousin's a sculptor.
He used to have a studio in this Place.
It's like a whole warehouse.
It's divided up into, like a Million, tiny little rooms.
Just keep your head straight Cause you get lost in there, it Can get real confusing real Fast, you know? You got a cousin who's a Sculptor? Yeah, every family's got a Black sheep.
Most families get, like, a Retard, or a guy that likes to Wear dresses, we got a sculptor.
Yeah, retard, sculptor.
Same thing really.
Yeah, there was a retard Sculptor.
Think.
Yeah.
Really brilliant work.
And he was real quick, too.
He'd make like one or two Statues a day.
Only one problem though.
What was that? He liked the taste of clay.
So you're saying yeah, he'd eat his own work.
Goddamn, what a waste.
Not really, you know every Time he took a shit, genius.
Ah, Lou.
T, you and the probie go down That way, Franco and I are gonna Head this way.
What'd they say, 5 people on This floor? I said 5, 5.
Whoa.
Got it, frank? Yeah.
Anybody in here, anybody Hear me? Anybody in here? It's down here, Franco.
All right.
You all right? Oh you OK? Yeah, I lost my goddamn hook.
You got it? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let's go in.
You all right? Yeah.
Yeah.
What do we do now? It's got to be north.
Window's on the north side.
Go, it's jammed.
I can't see shit in here.
Me, neither.
Grab a wall.
All right.
What you got in there, Lou? I got nothing.
Shit! Shit! Shit! Lou! I'm sinking! Shit! Probie! I think she's OK.
Grab her.
All right.
T, guy's gone.
The kid.
The kid's still got a chance.
OK.
Hey, hurry.
Yeah.
We're stuck.
Where? We're in a room off the Hallway we went down.
We're losing air time.
You gotta hurry.
OK.
I'm on my way, I'm on my way.
Yo, grab him.
Lou, where are you guys? We're in a room across the Hallway, t.
It should be facing north.
The windows face north.
Turn on the pass alarm.
All right.
I got you.
T, hurry! We're almost out of air.
Lou.
Hey.
This way, guys.
Take my spot.
Take my spot.
You all right? Shit.
I can't find my axe.
I got it.
That's a problem.
Hey, what happened? I tried getting through on the Radio.
Everything all right? Yeah, yeah.
Where the hell is Garrity? He never left the house.
It's a long story, Chief.
Tom? It's a mess.
A goddamn mess.
Goddamn doors everywhere.
Everybody get out? Yeah.
Right.
Any kids? No, why? Checking.
You all right? Yeah, that was fun, huh? Oh, yeah.
Next best thing to having sex, Right? Shoulder's killing me, man.
Hey, I've been meaning to ask You.
How's Keela? Ah, you know, they're in Disneyland for 10 days.
I'm gonna see her when she Gets back.
Right, right.
I guess that's better than Nothing, right? Can you do me a favor? Can you doublecheck on Lou cause I'm worried about him.
Yeah.
I'll take care of this shit.
All right.
Hey, man.
You wanna grab a beer after Work? I gotta go see my uncle red.
Oh, yeah.
How's he doing? Face cancer.
Spread to his balls.
How did that happen? Sucking his own cock.
Too much.
Sorry about tonight, frankie.
Oh, hey, man.
Don't even sweat it, you know What I mean.
At least you had an idea.
I didn't know which goddamn way To go.
Yeah.
You know, Lou, you know when I get stuck like that, there's Only two people who's lead I'd Follow in a heartbeat.
That's you and Tommy.
You've saved my ass, goddamn I Don't even know how many times.
So tonight you didn't.
Yeah.
That's all you gotta say, Is yeah? Uh-Huh? No sweat, man.
Hey, buddy.
Where's the mustard? Thanks very much.
You know something, pal? You got to lose, like, Seriously, bro.
If I got to pull you out of a Fire, it's gonna be awful slow Going.
Juice.
Hey, lady.
Wow, that's a really ugly baby.
I mean, I'm sure she's gonna Grow up to be a very gorgeous Person one day, but there's no Reason why should be showing her Off in public anytime soon.
OK, bye bye.
Sir.
Sir! Yes? You have to pay.
No, no.
It's OK.
I'm a fireman.
With 62 truck.
We already don't get paid enough As it is.
And God forbid this store catch On fire, I would be the one to Run in here and save all of you.
So, I mean, I think The least that you can do is Offer me some free food, you Know, as reward.
OK, and buddy, that comb over, It's not fooling anyone.
Good luck, God bless.
Good night, new York.
Hey, what's up, man? This your car? Yeah, it's cool, right? Sorry? The car.
It's cool, right? You know what color that is? Copper.
Hey, what you Writing there? A ticket.
Wow.
You can write those? Yeah.
Do me a favor.
Will you write me 2 tickets to The u2 concert at the garden? I love u2.
My mom and my sister.
My mom loves Bono because of the Whole world hunger thing.
Actually, my mom's will you Write us 12? What? Whoa, hey.
Cool gun.
Put your hands behind your Head.
Oh, my God.
I got a, uh, Jesus, I don't Know what else to call it.
A zombie over here.
Hey, I'll call you tomorrow, Bro.
Take some candy.
They're giving it away.
I never heard you guys so Quiet.
What the hell happened in there? Nothing.
It was a little messy, That's all.
What the hell? Who are you? You bill? No, no I'm not bill.
Oh, you must be otis.
Otis? Who the hell is otis? Goddamn it, Sean.
You're nacho.
That's right, asshole.
Who the hell was that? I think that was my new Boyfriend.
What's going on, officer? A man wearing a tee-Shirt That had a ladder 62 FDNY logo On it doubleparked over at the Supermarket, and he, uh, I don't Know how else to say this, he Looked like, uh, like a zombie.
A zombie.
He stole food and candy.
He was really scary.
And he told me, told me I should Lose weight.
He called my baby ugly.
What he say to you? He made fun of my hair.
Well, look, you know, we're All pretty much accounted for Here except for Garrity is Upstairs sleeping in the Bunkroom.
You sure about that? Yeah, he took 4 sleeping Pills.
Accidentally, Chief, and he's Gonna be sleeping until the Middle of next week, at least.
And he's been accused of a lot Of things, in the course of his Life, but being a brutally Honest, scary looking, walk the Earth type of zombie.
It's a little bit off his list.
No offense, folks, you know? Hey, guys.
Look what I got.
A bunny.
It's cool, right? I always wanted a bunny.
Hey, bro, you know what? I'm gonna need 2 more tickets to That u2 concert.
Turns out my dad and my stepmom Are huge fans.
Mostly my stepmom.
She's my age, my dad's, like, Actually when you think about It.
I'm gonna go find this guy some Carrots.
Hey some fireman from this house Just took my yeah, let me guess.
He just stole a bunny rabbit, Right? It's here.
Yeah.
You're gonna love this.
You remember shirley cappacona, The blonde with the big tits who Used to hang out with Janet and Sheila and they always used to Make fun of me and all those Girls, and they all hated me? Yeah.
Well, she's a hostess at a Shitty, little Italian place.
She's working tonight.
She knows all about you and Janet and Johnny and me.
And? So, we show up there, we Totally act like we're together.
By 11 o'clock tonight, she can't Keep her hands off the phone.
Johnny and Janet are cursing our Souls to eternal hell.
You know, let me think about It.
It sounds like it might be hey, I made a 10 o'clock Reservation.
Get your skinny, little ass over Here.
Pronto.
OK.
Sean of the dead? Goddamn that's good dip.
Yeah.
Hey, are you on your Way home? What do you mean? For what? Well, your dad's drunk.
Again.
And he's asleep.
But I was thinking since you're Off tonight that, um, maybe we Might talk.
For what? I don't know.
Whatever.
You.
Us.
Your crying jags.
Jag, jag? OK, it was one time.
Uh-Huh.
Jags.
Listen, Tommy I went through this.
OK? It comes in waves.
I used to fall apart in the Cereal aisle in the grocery Store for 2 years after 9/11.
Or in the car out of the blue, Or in the shower.
I used to talk to people about It.
I talked to my therapist and to My psychic.
Yeah, right.
The lesbo.
Look, you gotta talk about This or it ain't gonna go away.
You know, I'm running late Here.
I gotta get home, All right? I think you have a date, and You don't want to tell me About it.
What? And let me tell you Something, I could give less of A shit because I got stuff going On in that department, too.
I got dates of my own.
Is that so? Like what? Like, uh, oh, Tony scaluso.
What, the weightlifter, Steroid guy? I went out with him last Night.
We had dinner.
And he is a total asshole, but The body on him.
You slept with him? Oh! That's none of your business.
Who else? You really want to get into This? L I got to go.
You're what, you're sleeping Around now? Sampling.
I'm sampling.
You? Gotta go.
Hey.
Come in, come in.
I think we better rehearse.
Rehearse? What we're gonna do.
OK, sit down.
All right.
Um, so we're gonna start like This, right? OK.
We order appetizers and our Wine, in your case, water, OK? Right.
Wine comes, we sip, we talk, We laugh.
And then, you take this hand, And then you put it here.
Oh, OK.
Then, I lean in and I laugh.
Ha ha ha.
And I put this hand here.
Then you lean in, and you Whisper something that I find Very sexy.
OK.
And then you kiss me.
OK.
OK, go ahead.
Uh, go ahead? Go ahead, kiss me.
Oh, OK.
Um uh hey.
What kind of pussy kiss was That? You have to kiss me like you Mean it.
L-L-I OK.
You know what? Linger a little.
OK.
Linger.
Tommy, you want to make it Look real, right? Yes, yes.
OK.
All right, so, here I go.
Oh, you're good at this.
OK.
That's good.
Um, yes.
The third time that you kiss Me oh, there's three.
There's four.
There's five actually if you Count the deep tongue kiss with The mutual groping and the tit Rub on the sidewalk after we Leave.
But the third time that you kiss Me, grab my ass a little.
OK.
Define a little.
OK, so you kiss me again.
This is the third kiss? Yeah.
Kiss, linger, hand behind the Head, ass grab.
OK.
Got it.
All right.
Mmm.
Oh, oh, oh.
You are good at this.
This is gonna be fun.
Yes, yes.
OK! Do you want to try the Sidewalk tit rub thing? Uh, no.
I'll explain it to you in the Car.
OK, OK.
Hello.
Hey, it's me.
Hey, you on your way? Uh, well, we had a situation Here and Garrity's kind of Messed up.
And the Chief asked me to cover For him.
Goddamnit.
I gotta work.
Mike, I was making us Linguine.
I know, I know.
I'm sorry.
So, they couldn't get someone Else to cover? They all got seniority.
Mike, you gotta get out of That house.
I know.
Christ.
So, when will you be home? Uh, pretty late.
Like after midnight.
OK.
You pissed? No, no.
I'll see you then, pal.
We just caught a break, big Boy.
So, cancer.
My face, my balls, that's it.
Face and balls.
That's pretty serious.
Hey, my age, face and balls Is the least important part of My life.
Mouth, ass, legs, hands.
In that order, my friend.
I gotta eat, I gotta shit, and I Gotta walk.
I gotta pick stuff up.
Otherwise, the rest of me is Pretty much cancer friendly.
No vodka, red? Vodka's for fags and women.
Real irishmen drink whiskey.
Get that in you.
Beer chaser? It's dark out, for Christ's Sake.
So, what's eating you? I screwed up tonight.
I lost my bearings.
I almost took me and Franco out.
Tommy had to save our asses.
That's why we have tommys.
No, it's me.
I've been drinking too much.
Thinking about this broad who Screwed me over.
I miss my ex-Wife.
Who seems all too happy, by the Way.
I don't know.
Drink your drink.
We're going out.
Going out where? You'll see.
Listen to me, kid.
I was a fireman for 50 goddamn Years.
A real fireman.
Before Scott packs and oxygen Masks and all this over goddamn Pussy breathing apparatus Bullshit.
We went into a fire with a Cigarette in one hand and a Halligan in the other.
And I know a sorry for Yourself story when I hear one.
I'm taking you downtown.
Refill my glass.
You look great, shirl.
So do you.
And you, too, Tommy.
Oh, thanks, shirl.
I can't believe you guys just Happened to stop in here.
Oh, you know, well, we were Just in the neighborhood, and, Uh, we were thinking Italian.
How's Tony? Oh, he's great.
Our 25 year anniversary's coming Up next month.
Wow.
Well, that's great.
I know.
I know.
So try the spaghetti bolognese.
It's heaven.
Thanks, shirl.
Thank you, shirl.
It's really busy in here.
We might have to go right into Ass grab mode.
Really? Yeah, yeah.
Look around.
The place is jammed.
Phone's ringing off the hook.
Kiss me.
Now? Yeah.
Kiss, linger, ass grab.
Now.
OK.
Perfect.
Really? You see her face? No, I was a little busy.
Holy shit.
She's going for the phone.
OK.
OK.
Rub my left thigh.
It could be, uh, just a Reservation.
I don't think so.
Rub my left thigh.
OK.
Sexier, more subtle.
Oh, OK.
Oh, shit.
She hung up.
It must've been a work call.
Goddamnit.
All right.
I guess I better order.
OK.
Just for our discriminating Customers, I'm gonna seat you Guys in the vip section.
Bring us a couple of big Whiskeys, georgie.
And a cheeseburger.
Lou? I'm good with the whiskey.
Thanks.
Thanks, georgie.
No problem, red.
Hey, you look great.
As always.
You, too, kid.
No matter what you think, and Believe me, every fireman at Some point in his career gets The jangle.
That little bit of nervous wreck That hits you right in the ball Sack.
It's normal.
If you don't feel it, that's When you should start to worry.
But you are making a difference Every goddamn day.
Not today I didn't.
OK, not every day.
But most days.
You pull on those boots, that Gear, you jump on the rig Tomorrow, maybe that's the day.
Thanks, georgie.
It's my treat, by the way.
Bullshit.
When have you ever paid for Anything in this joint? Shut up and drink, old man.
All right, so let's cut to The Chase.
You remember when you were a Teenager? I used to tell you about that Kid got trapped in a tenement Fire in the bronx? Burned all over his legs? Out cold? I pulled him out.
Only reason I found him was I Took a wrong turn, I smelled Flesh burning, it was coming From under the bed.
He was in a coma for over a Month.
I visited him in the hospital.
Yeah, I know it was a big Fire.
It was in all the papers.
Pictures of it.
My mother had it up on the Mantle.
Right.
That kid? That was georgie.
I don't take a wrong turn that Day, georgie ain't cooking me This cheeseburger tonight.
Somebody else might heig M.
Vehi Might've, woulde, w could've.
You can't re-Write history, my Friend.
I make a wrong turn that day, Georgie cooks e cocheeseburgerer Tonight.
It.
It's that simple.
No bullst.
B That in your pipe and smoke It.
Where's my burger, asshole? What I w, David copperfield Ere? Hang on! This ck ts.
Really? Us E my linguine's pretty good.
G No, no, no.
She's so busy, she's not even Looking over here.
Oh.
Oh, no.
W Hat? .
>Ex He's outside.
I can't believe it.
This guy won't Let it go.
How did he even know We were here? I told you he follows me Around.
All right.
I'm gonna put an end to this Right now.
No, Tommy.
I'm telling you, sebastian's Crazy.
His name is sebastian? Yeah.
I think I can handle it.
Hey, asshole.
I know who you are.
Yeah? She's mine.
She loves me.
I got news for you, pal.
She hates your guts, all right? And I'm gonna tell you something Else, next time I see you Around, I'm not calling the Cops.
I'm gonna kick your Midget little ass myself.
OK, sebastian? OK.
That would be the next time you Have the balls to take her out On a date.
You got that? Really? Yeah.
You got that? Hey.
He's leaving? Yeah.
By the way, this guy's tiny.
I've taken bigger shits than This guy.
I'm telling you, Tommy.
Yeah, yeah.
He knows kung fu.
Ooh, I'm scared.
She's watching us right now.
Oh, really.
Uh-Huh.
She's got the phone In her hands.
Yeah? So, kiss yeah.
Linger.
Mm-Hmm.
Grope, ass grab, tit rub.
OK, wait a minute.
I forgot.
Grope ass grab, tit rub, go ahead.
Uh-Huh.
She's still on the phone.
It's working like a goddamn Charm.
Second tit rub.
Go.
OK.
She hung up.
All right.
Let's go.
Oh, what about the bill? No, no, no.
I paid it.
It's OK.
Come on.
Arm in arm.
You are a great kisser.
Oh, my God.
I know.
You, too.
Wait a second.
It's Janet.
Answer it.
Right, right, right.
Yeah.
Uh uh well, actually, Lou's sleeping Over at uncle red's tonight.
And, you know, dad's probably Asleep.
He's asleep by 9:30 every night When there's five glasses of Wine in him.
What's up? How's half an hour? All right.
I'll see you then.
What, what, what? She wants to talk, and it Sounds urgent.
Oh, my God! This is unbelievable.
Oh, my God.
Goddamn bitch.
He's gonna shit bricks when he Finds out.
The scumbag.
Come on, come on.
Let's get Me home.
Oh, right, right, right.
Hey.
Hi.
How you doing? So, are we alone? Yeah.
I mean, dad's here, but he's Dreaming of dead nazis.
How you doing? Good.
You're not gonna kiss me hello? Oh, yeah, yeah.
Of course.
So how you been? What? You pissed about something? Yeah.
A little.
Wha what? The kiss.
Huh? Well, is that all you got? What do you mean? Holy shit.
Jesus, Janet.
Wow.
Hey oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Oh, baby.
Oh oh, oh.
Yeah, baby.
Shit.
Wow.
That was great.
Yeah.
I know.
So, listen colleen's been in some trouble At school.
Oh, boy.
Yeah, she called her teacher A bitch, and she slapped one of Her classmates.
So they want her to see a Counselor.
I think it has to do with Connor.
And you not being around Anymore.
Right.
It has nothing to do with the Fact that you're sleeping with And living with her uncle.
I would really appreciate it If you went with her to the First session.
I think Johnny should go.
I think he could really make Some good use out of some time With a shrink.
OK, Tommy, it is not a Shrink.
They help the kids out.
They talk them through things.
You know, like last year when Colleen's classmate got killed In that airplane crash.
The counselor helped them talk Through their grief.
But, you know what, just forget It.
No, no, no.
You know what? I'll do it.
I should be spending more time With her anyway.
That would be nice.
I'll do it.
Thanks.
For the colleen thing or The both.
Payback's a bitch, huh? Yeah.
Hey.
Can you talk? There's no way shirley got a Hold of her.
You sure? I'm pretty goddamn sure.
Well, she was talking to Somebody.
I could tell by the Way she was hawkeyeing us when We were outside.
Yeah, well.
It wasn't Janet.
I don't know who else it Could've been.
Well, who else would give A shit? No! No! No! No! You bastard!