Gilligan's Island (1964) s03e07 Episode Script

1
Just sit right back,
and you'll hear a tale ♪
a tale of a fateful trip ♪
that started from this tropic port ♪
aboard this tiny ship ♪
the mate was a mighty sailin' man ♪
the skipper brave and sure ♪
5 passengers set sail that day
for a 3-hour tour ♪
a 3-hour tour ♪
[thunder]
The weather started getting rough ♪
the tiny ship was tossed ♪
if not for the courage
of the fearless crew ♪
the minnow would be lost,
the minnow would be lost ♪
the ship's aground
on the shore of this ♪
uncharted desert isle ♪
with gilligan ♪
the skipper, too ♪
the millionaire and his wife ♪
the movie star ♪
the professor and Mary Ann ♪
here on gilligan's isle ♪
Oh, dear. I do believe I missed him.
Hey, what's going on?
Can't have gone very far.
Hey, mister. Hey, mister.
Hey, skipper! What is it, gilligan?
There's a man on the island
with a net trying to catch a butterfly.
If there is a man
with a net on this island,
he'd be after you.
No, skipper, really, I was
minding my own business, fishing
wait for me!
Wait for me, little butterfly.
Gilligan, you're right.
I told you. I told you. Ooh.
Excuse me, sir.
You're no butterfly.
Are you looking for something?
Shh. Of course I'm
looking for something.
I'm looking for the satyrinae lexpus.
Cindy what what-amus?
Satyrinae lexpus otherwise known
as the pussycat swallowtail.
Well, did you lose it?
Of course I didn't lose it.
My dear man, the pussycat swallowtail
is the rarest butterfly in the entire world.
The only butterfly that
escaped lord beasley.
I'm lord beasley,
and that's not a pussycat swallowtail.
Well, but, lord beasley,
how did you get here on the island?
By boat.
Some of the natives
said that that butterfly
had been seen on this island.
How are you going to get off the island?
Shh. By boat.
By jove, that might be one over there.
Lord beasley, when we
come on, gilligan.
That's it. That's it.
Lord beasley shh.
When you leave shh.
When you leave the island,
can we go with you?
Yes, yes. Now do be quiet.
Did you hear that, gilligan?
We can leave the island.
Whoopee!
As soon as he catches one
of those silly butterflies,
he's gonna shoot off his flare gun.
And a boat's gonna
take us off the island.
Gentlemen, we have a problem.
What kind of a problem?
You mean there's not gonna
be enough space on the boat?
How much room can
one butterfly take up?
Well, the problem is
catching the butterfly.
Now, I know that lord beasley
is a world-famous authority,
but according to this book,
it's not at all unusual
for a butterfly collector
to take weeks, months,
even years to collect
the proper specimen,
even if they know it's habitat.
I didn't know a butterfly had a habitat.
I thought they had wings
and those little skinny things
that came out of their heads.
Gilligan, quiet.
What do you suggest?
Well, no one knows this
island as well as we do,
so I suggest we make some extra nets
and all 7 of us take turns
helping lord beasley
collect those butterflies
just as soon as possible.
And a great friend of ours
is the first Earl of Chelsea.
I understand he's terribly wealthy.
So wealthy he has
monogrammed contact lenses.
I do believe something's
fluttering up ahead.
You know, lord beasley,
I think we met you
at Princess grace's at a
dinner party several years ago.
Uh, there was someone
at the punch bowl
with a pith helmet.
No, my dear. No, my dear.
With the pith helmet
that was sir Charles,
the famous elephant hunter.
Oh, yes, of course it was.
Well, anyway, whoever it was,
he was terribly potted.
Well, no wonder.
Scooping the punch out of
the bowl with the pith helmet.
Looks like it could be
a pussycat swallowtail.
No, it's no use, my dear.
Lord beasley has a one-butterfly mind.
That's right, little pussycat.
Just sit there quietly until I
oh. Oh! Missed him.
Oh! Heavens!
Oh! It's quicksand.
Don't panic, lord beasley!
We'll save you!
Never mind me. After that butterfly!
Lord beasley, you're sinking.
He's heading north by northeast
or is it north by northwest?
No, it's north by northeast, alright.
After him! After him!
Oh, get him. Lord!
[Yelling]
Shh!
Remember your training,
beasley, old man.
Move as stealthily as a snake,
as gracefully as a Fawn,
as quietly as a rolls Royce.
Ginger, we're supposed
to be helping to catch a butterfly.
Mary Ann, the only thing I
know how to catch is a man.
Is it or isn't it?
It could be.
Yes, I do believe it is.
A pussycat swallowtail.
Lord beasley, look out for that
Cliff.
Oh, I can't look.
Me neither.
Hurry! Hurry! He went that way!
How are your feet, gilligan?
I don't know, skipper.
My feet and I aren't on speaking terms.
Well, we've been over
almost every inch of this island,
and we're not even sure that lord beasley
has even seen a pussycat
swallowtail yet.
Well, where else can he find to look?
Good heavens.
Looking for a butterfly under the water?
That's what I call a determined man.
That's what I call a determined nut.
Must be some way to make that man
forget his silly butterfly
and get us off this island now.
Well, the question is how?
Until he catches that butterfly,
he positively refuses
to shoot off that flare gun
so the boat can pick him up.
Well, maybe he'll give up
when he realizes
there's no place on this
island he hasn't looked.
Except for the top of
that mountain over there.
Gilligan, what mountain?
You and your big mouth.
Ooh. Aah.
Ooh, ooh.
Shh. Something with wings
is flying around up ahead.
We're so high up, it's probably an angel.
Lovey, I tell you I am so frustrated that
well, I could almost scream.
Aw, I know how you feel, dear.
Our rescue seems so near,
and yet so far.
There must be some way
of influencing lord beasley
to fire that flare gun now.
Well, you know, darling.
There's only one honest
way to influence anybody.
You're right! Bribery.
Let me see. Yesterday
we looked here and here.
Good evening, lord beasley.
May I come in?
And the day before, we looked here.
Oh, thank you very much.
May I say that you look
like a million dollars?
Would you like to try for 2 million?
Now, we've also looked here.
Uh, lord beasley, I'm a very wealthy man,
and to get me off this island,
I'd happily pay you $100,000.
Now, we've looked by the cove.
Uh, happily 200,000.
Yes, yes, by the bat cave.
Happily $300,000.
Did I look there? Yes, I did.
Lord beasley, would you at least give me
the courtesy of listening
when I'm trying to bribe you?
Now the question is:
Where shall I look again?
Ah!
Please listen to me.
The center of the island.
Unh! Good heavens!
I've had an appendectomy.
Well, that sortie was a disappointment.
Lord beasley,
may I come in?
What now, the mountaintop again?
Lord beasley.
Lord beasley,
you know, I've always been
crazy about lords and ladies
Especially lords.
On second thought,
I think I'll save
the mountaintop for tomorrow.
I hope you don't think
I'm being too forward.
[Buzzing]
Bee.
Shoo!
Shoo! Shoo!
Of course I could always try
the east end of the island again.
Oh, don't you worry about a thing.
I'll take care of it for you.
Shoo! Shoo! Shoo!
Shoo! Ow!
Oh!
Wha did someone say something?
The satyrinae butterfly
identified by the bright
yellow spots on its blue wings.
The nymphalidae
builds itself a shelter out of rolled leaves.
Also known as the milkweed butterfly.
No, no, no. That's the papilionidae.
Professor, lord beasley
has you talking to yourself.
Oh, please, Mary Ann.
I am trying to memorize
these facts about butterflies
so I can converse with lord beasley
in an intellectual fashion.
I must convince him to fire that flare gun
so we can get rescued.
Now, a nymphalis antiopius,
also known as the red tail
no, that's the bacilarchia.
Oh, professor, when I was in school,
some of the kids, well, not me, of course,
used to put crib notes
in the palms of their hands,
just to help them remember things.
Mary Ann, remember to
whom you are speaking.
I mean, after all, the idea
a professor with 6
degrees using crib notes.
I'm sorry. It was just an idea.
And an excellent idea at that.
Oh, my word.
Obviously, this caterpillar
will never turn into a satyrinae lexpus.
Oh, obviously not.
Why, that's a
That's a larchae Artemis
if I ever saw one.
Ah, butterfly eggs.
Yes, and from the looks of them,
I'd say they were from the family of, uh,
nymphalia Artemis.
Possibly. Possibly.
Lord beasley, I haven't
told you this before,
but I'm a great admirer of yours.
Why, I practically memorized
your book the butterfly and I.
Indeed. I'm writing a sequel.
Things with wings.
Ah, splendid title, splendid title.
Now that I met you in person,
I can't wait until we get off
this island so that we can
aha!
What have we here?
A bright red butterfly with spots of brown.
What would you say he is, professor?
Uh, bright red with spots of brown.
That's from the family of, uh, lycaenidae,
also known as "the Meadow brown."
Uh-huh, just as I suspected.
If there's one thing I detest, professor,
it's an impostorous butterfly collector.
Impostorous.
Impostorous?
It's no use. All our
efforts to get lord beasley
to fire off that flare gun have
failed absolutely miserably.
He wouldn't even listen to a bribe.
The man is obviously a mental case.
There must be something we
can do to get him to fire that flare.
Well, why don't we just, you know
gilligan, quiet, please.
The question is, what can we do?
Oh, you can't even get his attention
unless you look like a butterfly.
Well, why don't we
gilligan, quiet, please.
Maybe we could hypnotize him
and make him think that
we're all pussycat swallowtails.
Why don't we gilligan, please!
Why don't we just fire the flare gun?
Gilligan, I'm gonna tell
you for the last time,
will you be quiet flare gun? Flare gun?
What flare gun?
This flare gun.
Gilligan, where did you get that?
It was on the table, and he
just left, and I picked it up.
Well, just don't stand there, man.
Fire it, fire it!
[Gun clicks]
It must have a silencer.
I didn't hear a thing.
Well, you knucklehead,
why didn't it go off?
Yes, I wonder why it didn't.
Because I have the flares.
So, you thought you could flatter and
cajole and trick me into breaking my vow
not to leave this island
without the pussycat swallowtail.
Shame on you
And after our 2 countries
had built up a friendship
based on mutual trust
In spite of what happened in 1776.
Now, hear this we shall
stay on this island
until we catch that butterfly,
if it takes forever!
Goodnight!
Troops, attention!
Present nets.
Mr. Howell, your net is very untidy.
Remove the loose grass.
Now, look here, I
Mr. Howell, he's our only
hope of getting off the island.
Oh.
Do you have something
you wanted to say?
Uh, no, mon capitan.
Now, before we go into the field today,
may I remind you that
unless we catch that butterfly,
nobody leaves the island!
He's a regular captain bligh.
No talking in the ranks!
Yes, sir!
And may I remind you that captain bligh
was also a britisher.
Yes, sir.
Troops, attention!
Left face!
Shoulder nets.
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Forward march!
To the rear March.
Hut, 2, 3, 4! Hut, 2, 3
troop, halt!
It's now precisely 17:00 hours.
We shall rest for half an hour,
and then resume our search
at precisely 17:30 hours.
Troops, fall out.
My poor feet.
Oh, your poor feet?
My calluses have calluses.
Oh, that's nothing. Would you
believe my socks are melting?
Oh, I'm a half an inch shorter.
I've worn out my feet.
I'm a half an inch taller.
I'm standing on my blisters.
Thurston, how much longer will
we have to be in this horrible army?
When we get home, the British embassy
will hear about it, believe me.
Cheer up, men.
With continued fortitude and resolution,
it is only a question of time
before we collapse from heat prostration.
That's it. That's the pussycat swallowtail.
After him!
[All yelling at once]
What'd I do?
Skipper, a little purple would be pretty.
Gilligan, we're trying
to make this butterfly
look exactly like the pussycat
swallowtail in the professor's book,
and there is no purple in it.
Well, a little purple
would be pretty, skipper.
Would you please just
hold the palette steady
or I'll make you purple
And black and blue, too.
Have either of you fellas
seen my book on the
what are you doing?
Well, you're painting a butterfly.
I think the little devil likes it.
It's gonna help us get off the island.
I don't believe it. I don't believe it.
There you are now, gilligan.
Call lord beasley.
It won't work.
An authority like lord beasley
will never in a million years
be taken in by a painted butterfly.
Gilligan, call lord beasley.
Lord beasley, lord beasley!
We caught him, we caught him,
we caught him! We caught him!
Where? Where? Where?
Ah, it's a satyrinae lexpus
if I ever saw one.
It is?
Oh, good. Now we can
shoot off the flare gun
and we'll all be rescued.
In a moment, in a moment.
I'd like to examine this
beauty more closely.
[Thunder]
Well, now I've seen everything.
We sure are good painters,
huh, skipper?
Ah, what'd I tell you? Who is this
Picasso and Rembrandt? Ho ho!
Gentlemen, aloha.
Hawaii, here we Come.
The rain seems to
have turned your butterfly
into a large white moth!
Well?
Well, if there's anything I can't stand,
it's a butterfly that won't hold its colors.
Maybe it turned white
because it was sick.
Gentlemen, consider
yourselves fortunate.
Unh!
In England, I would have had you jailed
for butterfly forgery!
Oh, but, lord beasley!
Well, gentlemen, what do you think?
Well, I must say, professor,
it's a very heady-smelling concoction.
Oh, yes, indeed, after these berries
have fermented in the sun,
they have a lovely flavor and quite a kick.
Well, I don't know.
Getting lord beasley tipsy
so that we can get him
to fire his flare gun,
it's a pretty wild scheme to me.
Listen, skipper, for a fella who
recently tried to paint a butterfly
well, I don't see how it can miss.
I once made some
fantastic business deals
over a few drinks.
I never will forget,
I once sold grand central station
over 3 martinis.
What's so fantastic about that?
I didn't own it. Ha ha ha!
Well, gentlemen, I
think we're about ready.
I think we have enough.
I predict that after a few
sips of that concoction,
lord beasley's flare
gun will go off by itself.
[Bang]
Here's some more tea.
Don't spill any of that tea, Mary Ann.
It's liable to eat right through the table.
Now, remember, act very casual
so lord beasley won't get suspicious.
And remember also that
the proper way to drink tea
is with your little pinky extended, thusly.
Thanks a lot, Mrs. Howell.
Beasley: Hup, 2, 3
Here comes gilligan
and lord beasley now.
2, 3, 4.
Halt, 1, 2.
Halt means stop, gilligan.
I think my stopper's broke.
Oh, lord beasley, before you
please, sit down, won't you?
We have a little surprise for you.
A special tea in your honor, lord beasley.
Well, how nice. We'll just have time
before we explore the volcano.
Oh, how jolly.
Here you are, lord beasley.
Oh, how very nice,
but I'm not going to drink alone, am I?
No, absolutely not.
I propose a toast to lord beasley.
Long may his butterfly net wave.
All: To lord beasley.
Long may his butterfly net wave.
Beasley: How sporting of you.
I always admire a good loser.
Skipper, this tea tastes just like
it is.
Oh, that's why it tastes like
a toast to lord beasley.
Long may his butterflies fly.
All: To lord beasley.
Long may his butterflies fly.
Drink up, drink up. When
beasley drinks, everybody drinks.
Thurston: There you are.
Delicious. Now, you must excuse me.
I'll get into my asbestos suit
so that we can explore the volcano.
Another toast
To the United Kingdom.
All: To the United Kingdom!
No, no.
Ah, just a minute there, lord beasley.
A toast to the British Navy.
All: To the British Navy.
To the, uh, to the British army.
The British army.
The British army.
There you go.
Well, there you are.
To the wait, one more.
To the British boy scouts.
The little fellows.
The little fellows.
And a toast to this most
delightful-tasting tea.
It can't be.
But it is!
At long last the pussycat
swallowtail is mine.
Here you are, me beauty.
Hurry! Hurry, everybody!
The boat'll be here in 15 minutes.
Gilligan, gilligan.
Skipper.
Well, my little pussycat,
I'm afraid we shall
have to leave without them.
That's the trouble with you Americans.
You simply don't know
how to hold your tea.
Ooh, what hit me?
Well, I don't know, but I obviously
dropped out of a coconut tree
and landed right on
the top of my my head.
Gilligan, little buddy. Wake up.
Huh? Where am I?
Oh. You're next to me, gilligan,
wherever I am.
Oh, dear.
This is the last tea
from fermented berries
I'll ever serve at one of my parties.
Now I remember.
We were drinking toasts to
All: Lord beasley!
Lord beasley. I don't see him anywhere.
Has anyone thought of
looking under the table?
Hey, all of his things are gone.
Well, according to my watch,
we've been asleep only 10 minutes.
Only 10 minutes?
Well, according to my calendar watch,
we've been asleep
for 2 days and 10 minutes.
2 days?
I wonder if there's anything on the radio.
Radio: And now directly from London,
we bring you an interview
with lord beasley waterford
who made butterfly history today
by returning from the south pacific
with a pussycat swallowtail,
the rarest butterfly in the entire world.
He caught one.
Well, how could he miss?
He and that butterfly
were the only ones awake
on this whole silly island.
Radio: Congratulations, lord beasley,
on your amazing feat.
Beasley: Thank you.
I would also like to thank the BBC.
Announcer: Oh, the British
broadcasting company?
The bug and butterfly convention
for renaming the butterfly I caught
"the lord beasley butterfly" in my honor.
Oh, good show,
but tell us, lord beasley,
why are you dressed
in that fur-lined parka
and carrying that fur-lined butterfly net?
Butterfly net? Fur-lined parka?
Beasley: Because I'm off to the antarctic
in a moment or two.
There's an even rarer butterfly there
than the pussycat swallowtail. Cheerio!
But I say, lord beasley,
you haven't yet told us
your adventures in the pacific.
It will have to wait.
That poor butterfly
might be freezing to death
at this very moment. Toodle-oo.
Good-bye and jolly
good luck, lord beasley.
Well, obviously,
lord beasley hasn't told
anyone about us yet.
Yeah, that's just great.
By the time he gets back
from the antarctic,
he'll forget we ever existed.
What are we gonna do?
Well, I don't know about the rest of you,
but as far as I'm concerned, it's tea time.
They're here for a long, long time ♪
they'll have to make the best of things ♪
it's an uphill climb ♪
the first mate and his skipper, too ♪
will do their very best ♪
to make the others comfortable ♪
in their tropic island nest ♪
no phone, no light ♪
no motorcars, not a single luxury ♪
like Robinson crusoe ♪
it's primitive as can be ♪
so join us here each week, my friends ♪
you're sure to get a smile ♪
from 7 stranded castaways ♪
here on gilligan's isle ♪