Happy Days (1974) s03e07 Episode Script

1
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪
Ready to race to you ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪Oh, baby ♪
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪
Rocking and rolling all week long ♪
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
Saturday, what a day ♪
Groovin' all week with you ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪
Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, baby ♪
These happy days ♪
Are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours ♪
And mine, Happy Days! ♪
Hound dog cryin' all the time ♪
Well, you ain't never caught a rabbit ♪
You ain't no friend of mine. ♪
Happy Days is filmed before a live audience.
Hey, guys!
Richard. Hey, Rich!
What's that?
Dad asked me to do him a favor
and get his lodge hat blocked for him
while he's out of town. Where'd he go?
He's in Cleveland
at the Greater Midwest Putty and Plaster Symposium.
Sorry I asked.
Well, he's running for Grand Poohbah
of the Leopard Lodge Saturday night
so he wants to make sure that,
that he looks his best.
Then why doesn't he throw away the hat?
Hey, cool it It's hard nose Kirk!
Oh, look at him, he still thinks he's in the Marines.
He's here to make a pinch.
It's me, I know it's me.
Somebody ratted about me making a U-turn on Abbott Street.
So? That's legal.
Yeah, but when I did it, it was closed for construction.
Hello, Captain.
What I do for you?
You want a table?
You want to steal a apple?
No, Arnold, I'm here on official business.
Ten-hup!
I said ten-hup!
That's better.
Now hear this!
Some windows were broken
at the high school, late last night.
That's the second time
that's happened this past month.
The police department is hereby instituting a curfew.
Starting tonight,
nobody under 18 is allowed on the streets after 2200 hours.
That's 10:00 p.m. for you civilians.
That means you've got exactly 15 minutes.
As you were.
Officer, Officer.
You can't do this to me.
You putting me out of business!
I've eaten your food, Arnold.
You ought to be out of business.
Oh, that not nice.
Confucius say
What does that mean?
Sit on it, Kirk.
A curfew at 10:00.
That's the end of necking.
Girls don't even get in the mood until 11:00.
Yeah.
How would you know?
I know plenty!
You don't know nothing, Potsie. Oh, yeah,
I know stuff you never heard of I know what we can do.
We break the curfew, we take it to court,
show how unfair it is, and they change it.
It's called civil disobedience.
It's also called six months in jail.
Forget it Kirk's an animal.
And you're chickens!
Chicken?
Who's chicken?
Be realistic, Richie.
10:00 is a reasonable bedtime.
Uh-huh. Yeah, I'm getting sleepy already.
I mean it's not good to be out too late.
I could get bags under my eyes.
And freckled bags look funny.
Hey, fancy seeing you guys here.
Hey, huh!
You want to watch the Fonz
while I check my hair, huh?
Yeah, we'd like to, Fonz,
but we got to get home.
Oh, yeah,
Kirk's curfew I heard about that kid stuff.
Well, too bad you won't be around to see Elvis' train.
What Elvis train?
Don't you watch John Cameron Swayze, huh?
Elvis was drafted and the tra Yeah.
And the train
the train that is taking him
to the Army passes right
through our town tomorrow night.
Why would we go?
Elvis is strictly a chick scene.
Yeah, I don't think we'd look too cool
standing on the tracks, yelling "I love Elvis!"
That's why I'm going.
You love Elvis?
Hey, I'm going
because it is a chick scene, huh?
It's been in all the papers, right?
The train's route is lined with chicks.
Ripping off their clothes, throwing at the train.
No kidding.
Yeah, and there's another reason to go, too.
Throwing clothes is a pretty good reason,
Fonz.
But there'll be broken-hearted chicks there
who need comforting.
And when you're close enough for comforting,
you're just one step away from, uh
Why didn't I think of that?
'Cause you're a nerd.
This is great!
We'll meet the train tomorrow night
and make out like little bandits.
Yeah? What about the curfew?
What about it?
Well, I'm really sorry
that you tots can't be there.
It's no sweat, though.
There'll be more chicks for the King and me, you know?
I'll tell you something: You go home
and you get your beauty sleep, all right?
Hey, Malph, you really need sleep.
Your freckles are getting bags.
Bad, Malph.
Very, very bad.
He must have been joking, I'm still cute.
You know, Rich, you're right.
We've got to break the curfew now.
Yeah, if we get arrested at the Elvis train,
our curfew fight would get national publicity.
Hey, yeah, then it's settled.
We don't break the curfew tonight,
we break it tomorrow night.
Yeah, maybe my dad will even help us.
He believes in standing up for your rights.
Who's gonna listen to a man in a poobah hat?
We're home! Hi there!
Hi Richie, hi Joanie, sweetheart.
Hey, Richard, did you get my hat?
Yeah. Ah, right here!
Now, let's see.
My fellow Leopards,
if I am elected Grand Poobah
Dad, I need to talk to you about something.
Listen, Richard, I want you to hear my campaign speech.
I wrote it on the plane.
While you were away, some kids broke some windows
over at the high school.
That's terrific, Richard.
Ah, here we are.
I think I can take you far Dad
Howard, I think your son is trying
to tell you something, if you will stop poohbahing.
All right.
All right, Marion,
I guess I can spare a few minutes
to talk to the
Junior Poohbah of the family.
Well
uh, just because of those broken windows,
they've instituted a 10:00 curfew
on every teenager in town.
Really?
Oh, now that hardly seems fair.
Well that's the way we feel about it.
Now we were thinking about
demonstrating against the curfew
Yeah.
Maybe getting arrested,
and then fighting it in the courts.
Arrested? Arrested?!
Isn't that a little drastic?
I think he's crazy, but he's your son.
No, he's not crazy.
I guess sometimes that's the only way
you can get an unfair law changed.
Yeah, you see, Joanie?
Dad knows all about justice.
Mmm.
Hey, maybe you'd like to demonstrate with us.
It'd be much more impressive
with an adult on our side, Dad.
Maybe. When is it?
Tonight. Are you crazy?!
I can't demonstrate tonight.
Are you, are you too tired from the trip, Dad?
Richard, in just two nights
they are holding the grand poohbah elections.
Now the Leopards
like to elect regular people, you see,
and regular people, they don't go to jail.
And neither do their children.
Now, look, I have been waiting for three years
at a chance at grand poohbah,
certainly you can wait three days.
I mean, the jail is still going to be there.
Yeah, but the Elvis train is tonight.
And this could mean national publicity, if we get arrested.
I don't care; I'm not going and neither are you.
Waving at Elvis is not important.
But standing up for what you believe in is!
I think I should go.
Oh, look at that! Will you look at that?!
What, dear?
At the ingratitude!
After all I do for my children!
Nice roof over their heads,
nice clothes on their backs
dressing up
as Santa Claus all those years,
like a fool.
Why should I expect a favor in return, huh?
All I ever wanted to be was grand poohbah.
But what the heck.
You do what you want, Richard.
I don't care.
Walk all over Santa Claus.
He sure gives up easy for a grand poohbah.
Uh, Joanie, I'd like to speak to your brother alone, please.
Oh, not again Joanie, upstairs.
You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna write a book.
I Was Held Prisoner Upstairs In My Own House.
That's very nice, dear.
Start writing.
Richard
I guess I'm supposed to feel guilty now, right?
Richard, he never asks any of us for a favor.
Oh, Mom Now wanting to be grand poohbah
may be a dumb thing,
but it's very important to your father.
And how many times has something like this come up?
Richard, please postpone your demonstration
till after the election,
and then we can all get arrested.
I mean, Richard, please.
Well, all right.
I better go down to Arnold's and tell the guys.
They're not gonna be too happy
about having a quitter for a leader.
You tell them your mother is very proud of you.
One and two, and one and two,
and one and two!
Yeah, Malph, it's an exercise I thought up.
It's called lip-ups.
Hey, one and two, and one and two, and
Aw, come on, Fonz, you got to be kidding.
Hey, that's the one thing I don't kid about.
Lips. All right, Fonz.
What are you doing?
I'm putting baby oil on mine, so they'll be extra soft.
Will you give me that.
You need all the help you can get.
Here we go
One and two, and kiss and rest,
kiss and rest.
Hey, what is that smell, Malph?
Where have you been walking?
That's my cologne.
It's called "Night Passion."
It smells more like "Night Pasture."
All right, kiss and rest,
and kiss and rest.
Kiss and rest, kiss and rest.
What are these guys doing, Fonz?
Hey, that's an exercise I thought up.
It's called lip-ups.
What does it do?
Absolutely nothing.
I gave it to them to build their confidence.
I mean Malph needs something, you know?
He smells like the last round-up.
All right, now, listen, I got to get down to the train, huh?
I'm gonna give Elvis a present.
Hey, pucker, Malph!
Pucker! One and two, and one and two
I'm ready, Fonzie.
Yeah, I'll be with you in a minute.
You're taking Paula Petralunga
to the Elvis train?
Yeah. That's his gift.
What do you think he wants, a wallet?
Hey come here.
Okay, okay, break up, break up, huh.
Curfew curfew, five minutes.
Weber!
You kissing my pinball machine?
No, I'm doing lip-ups.
Oh.
I thought you were doing something weird.
Guys?
I can't go to the Elvis train tonight.
What do you mean, you can't go?
We're all going to make out, even Potsie.
I'd love to make out
but I-I can't go to the train, that's all.
Let's not talk here.
All the guys are going to find out about the train.
Let's go inside. Right.
What do you mean, even Potsie?
I made out before.
Dreams don't count.
You fink.
You fink.
You know we were depending
on you and your car. Yeah.
I have no choice.
I tried talking to my father.
Did you ever try and reason with an enraged Leopard?
We counted on you to drive us there.
My car is broken.
You guys are really something.
What am I, a four-wheeled friend?
Without a car, you're not even that.
Why all the static, huh?
You guys can still go.
Just take a bus.
Hey, good idea.
Wrong, Pots. Bad idea.
Just picture this
A chick throws all her clothes at the train.
"Hark" says I.
"Now there's an interesting little thing.
I think I'll make a play for her."
Naturally, she can't resist my charm,
red hair, and freckles, and I walk her to the bus stop.
How am I going to get a naked girl on the bus?
Where is she going to carry her change?
I-I don't know, Ralph.
Hey guys, look.
Arnold put a lock on the door.
Now it's a pay toilet.
He's trying to make up for some of the money
he's losing because of Kirk's curfew.
What's happening here?
A minute ago, I was getting a naked girl
on the bus, and now we're talking about toilets.
What happened?
Maybe he couldn't afford to pay his electric bill.
Hey, let's get out of here.
Come on.
Where is everyone?
Oh, man, we're locked in.
Arnold! Arnold?!
Arnold locked us in!
Doesn't he check the bathrooms?
He doesn't clean them.
Why should he check them?
Well, there goes the Elvis train.
Will you forget about the Elvis train?
What's with you?
I'm sorry.
Guys, I have a confession to make.
I get a little paranoid in locked rooms.
It makes me very nervous.
Once, when I was a kid, I got locked in the bathroom,
and I flushed a bottle with a note in it.
Boy, were you a jerk.
Yeah? How do you think I got out?
I'm telling you, I get very nervous.
This gets me crazy.
I'm going to go nuts!
Ralph, take it easy. It's cool.
If it's cool, why am I sweating?
Look, we'll just call up Arnold,
and he'll come down and let us out.
Anybody got any change? I'm tapped.
I spent my last cent on cologne.
Can you break a five?
I can break your nose.
Ah, there's nothing here.
What about the register?
It's padlocked.
Somebody better do something fast.
I think I'm going to cry.
We'll break into the jukebox.
It's always filled with change.
Wait a minute. Break in?
I don't think that's right, Rich.
That's right, that's right.
Break in, break in. Right.
Oh, man.
It's tougher than I thought.
The toilet lock looked easy.
Come on, Ralph, let's give it a try.
Just don't lock the door.
Please don't lock the door.
Well, how was I to know there was a party going on? ♪
They was a splishing and a splashing ♪
Hey, guys, I got the loot!
Police! Don't move!
Hi.
Uh, what you see happening here
is not really what's happening here. Uh
Hey, Rich, sprung the lock like it was nothing.
Cheese it! The bulls!
I give up, I give up!
Malph!
Do you think we'll go to jail?
If you stick to that story
about getting locked in, I guarantee it.
No, please, no, not jail.
Anything but jail.
How about a good beating?
Ralph Richard? Dad!
Richard, I was on my way down to the lodge meeting.
What happened here? No talking to the prisoners.
The charges are breaking and entering,
violating the curfew and armed robbery.
Armed?!
You were holding a knife.
A butter knife.
We told you, we got locked in the bathroom.
So that's why you broke the lock on the john, huh?
Broke my lock?
Why you not crawl under?
Well, how about it, Arnold?
Could you have locked them in?
Yeah, I guess so.
I not check the bathroom.
I don't clean it.
Why should I check it?
All right, Arnold.
Will you vouch for these kids?
Oh, sure.
These guys not rob me.
They good boys.
They a little crazy.
Worse thing they do is kiss my pinball machine.
Sick kids.
I got to go fix my lock.
Look at all this money!
I must be only one that crawl under.
Well, you heard them, Officer.
It was all innocent.
They were just locked in.
It's okay, Ralph. Get a grip.
Yeah, I guess everything's cleared up, fellas.
You think you can get home by yourselves?
They ain't going anywhere.
Yeah, but you heard what Arnold
That was for burglary.
I'm holding them for violating the curfew.
Oh, come on.
You're not going to hold them for a little thing like that.
No such thing as a little law.
Look, Officer, maybe we can save some time here, huh?
Listen, all that's going to happen to them
is they're going to be fined,
so why don't I pay the fine now, huh?
Oh, isn't that just great?
You come in here with your funny little hat
and tell me how to run my precinct.
This isn't a funny little hat.
This is my lodge hat.
You say lodge hat, I say funny hat.
Those funny hats are a disgrace to America.
You'd never see Ike wearing a hat like that.
Well, if you don't like us, why don't you pass
one of your silly curfews
against people who wear funny hats?
Okay, I will Starting right now.
All guys with funny little hats
are not allowed out after 10:00.
I should have done this sooner,
to keep you clowns off the street.
Oh, this is the most ridiculous thing
I've ever heard in my whole life!
Next thing you're going to tell me is that I'm under arrest!
Nobody knows the trouble I've seen ♪
Nobody knows ♪
My sor row ♪
What you writing, Richard?
I'm writing a letter to the editor of the Milwaukee Journal,
and I'm telling him about this curfew thing.
Good idea. We could put it in a bottle and flush it.
Did-Did Did somebody say a bottle?
Look, let's all settle down, huh?
I can't settle down.
I got to get out!
I want to get out! Anybody!
I'm innocent, I tell you!
I want a lawyer, I want the warden.
I want my mommy.
It felt good out there.
Cunningham, you have a visitor.
Hey, maybe it's your mother with the bail money.
Yeah.
It is very dank in here.
Hey, how are you, gentlemen?
Hi, Fonz.
Hey, Mr. C., you old desperado, you.
Hello, Fonzie.
What brings you here?
Well, Mrs. C. Had trouble raising the bail.
She didn't quite know how to
go about it, if you get my drift.
Yeah, but I hope you put her on the right track.
Oh, yeah, yeah, she's, uh, she's a little shook up.
You know, it's tough to see your loved ones
being sent up the river.
Where is Marion?
Well, she's out there getting herself together, you know.
I knew she was upset by the way the back of my bike shook.
She rode down here
on the back of your motorcycle?
Oh, yeah, she's cool yeah.
She's got to learn to lift her feet.
That slows me down.
Hey, Mr. C., huh?
I bet you never thought you'd see me in here
as your visitor, did you?
I bet you're right.
So, come on, big H.
What'd you do?
Nothing.
Come on, all you guys say that. What did you do?
Well, they're in here for breaking the curfew,
and I'm in here for wearing this funny little hat.
You can get life for that.
Look, Fonzie, can we cut out the chit-chat?
Would you please go see what Mrs. Cunningham is doing
to get us out of here?
Sure.
Take it easy, Mr. C., Rich, Nerd. Hey, uh
Where do you keep the ladies of the evening?
Never mind. I'll find them myself.
Okay, Cunningham.
I think you and the boys have learned a lesson.
I'm letting you go, but watch your step.
Next time, I won't be such a softie.
Hey, Ralph, we're sprung, we're sprung!
I'm free! I'm out of jail!
Don't they give me a new suit?
Get out of there, Malph!
Well, come on, Richie.
I want to catch up with the Leopards.
I got a lot of explaining to do.
I'm staying.
Yeah, but you heard what he said you can leave.
Being let out doesn't change the law.
I'm going to stay here and fight for what's right.
Attaboy, Richie!
That's a wacky kid you've got there.
He's not wacky.
He's fighting for what he believes in.
What are you doing?
I'm staying, too.
We're going to fight that silly curfew of yours
if we have to take it all the way to the Supreme Court.
Now I see where the kid gets it from.
Suit yourselves, pinkos.
Rich, I'm sorry.
I should have been with you on this thing
right from the beginning.
I guess I was just thinking about myself.
Shame on you.
Thank you, Officer.
Howard! Marion, are you all right?
Howard! Richard!
Are you all right? Did they hurt you?
No. I'm all right.
Oh, and what did they do to Ralph?
He smells awful!
We're all fine, Mom.
How did you like riding Fonzie's bike?
It was a little chillier than the bus.
Marion, where are your shoes?
Well, one of them's on Maple near Third, and the other
I have got to learn to pick up my feet.
Sweetheart, you could have been killed.
Now I want you to go home in a cab.
Well, I was planning to go home with you and Richard,
but they say that you don't want to leave.
That's right.
We're going to stay right here
and fight for what we believe in.
Well, Joanie and I are home all alone.
Well, look Fonzie's over the garage.
He'll take care of you.
Oh, Howard staying in jail.
Marion, we have made our decision together.
Now you go on home.
Will they at least feed you?
Well, I suppose they'll give us some bread and water.
Do yourself a favor, dear.
Take it easy on the bread.
Well, Dad, here we are.
Yeah, here we are.
But you know something, Rich?
It's all right.
Because just the other night, I was saying to myself,
you and I don't do any father and son things anymore.
Right, Dad!
So I didn't miss anything, huh?
Aaayyh, nothing, man.
Elvis wasn't even on the train.
The girls ripped off their clothes for nothing?
It wasn't for nothing.
I was there!
And believe me, nobody left unhappy,
if you get my drift.
Oh, hi, Dad.
Hey, Mr. C.
How did you do in the election, dear?
I'd rather not discuss it.
Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
Groovin' all week with you ♪
These happy days are yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪
Good-bye gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪
Rockin' and rollin' all week long ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪Oh, baby ♪
These happy days are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪