SurrealEstate (2021) s03e07 Episode Script
A Slice of Afterlife
1
[INDUSTRIAL NOISES]
LUKE: Previously on SurrealEstate.
TAG: I was just wondering
if you're all right.
Yeah, I'm fine. It's
sweet of you to ask.
I think Tag is crushing on you.
- [INTRIGUING SCORE]
- Susan.
I'm Crash.
They want me to tell you not every soul
needs a kick in the ass so listen.
You scare me, Tyler.
It's about Tyler MacNeil.
Tyler is obsessed with Luke Roman.
- [LOUD DRAMATIC SCORE]
- [BLUSTERY GUSTING WIND]
MAN: This is gonna be a bad one!
- [ELECTRICAL ARCING]
- Ah! Honey!
Where are the car keys?
In the car!
[DRAMATIC SCORE]
- [MAN EXHALES SHARPLY]
- Tim
What? Please, can we just go?
I forgot something.
- Stay in the car.
- No. No! Tim!
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
[MUSIC BOX MUSIC PLAYS FAINTLY]
[WIND HOWLS]
[WOMAN BREATHES HARD] (WHISPERS) Oh. Oh.
- [THUNDER RUMBLES]
- Oh God.
Go. Go!
- [GEAR SELECTOR SHIFTS]
- [ENGINE REVS]
- [TIRES SCREECH]
- [ENGINE REVS]
[DRAMATIC OPENING THEME]
[DISTANT MAN SCREAMING]
[THEME FADES OUT]
LOMAX: Here is the
title search, insurance.
RITA: Mm-hm. A settlement statement.
As negotiated, they're
leaving some of the appliances
and the window coverings.
And [SIGHS] This is my favorite part.
[LAUGHS]
[QUIET MISCHIEVOUS SCORE]
- [MAN LAUGHS]
- RITA: Uh-huh.
Oh! Cash deals.
More rare than a happy marriage
- and far more fungible. [LAUGHS]
- [SCORE FADES OUT]
Especially for first-time homebuyers.
Bitcoin paid off.
Oh! So that's the Crawford Group?
Yeah, it made sense tax-wise
to purchase through my corporation.
RITA: Hmm. Well, it's been a treat.
Next time you have a quick cash deal,
nobody needs to know. Shh.
- [RITA LAUGHS]
- We're sitting right here.
- Bye.
- [FOOTSTEPS RECEDING]
You'll have to excuse Rita.
She may come off as a cold, unfeeling,
ruthless house-selling machine.
So, when are you moving in?
We're actually, um
We're not done yet.
We heard that your agency is special.
[QUIET MYSTERIOUS SCORE]
Well, we like to think so.
We heard from a guy
that you understand stuff
that a lot of other people don't.
That is fair to say.
But this house, I don't think
it has the type of problem that
I think you are talking about.
Not yet.
Maybe you should just tell us
exactly what you're talking about.
Um [SCOFFS]
For the past three years,
we've been on the lam.
The lam?
We have moved in and out of 22 homes?
If you can call a place that
you've lived for two weeks
a home.
Because every single time, [SCOFFS]
It finds us.
And we've tried everything:
Exorcisms, witch doctors.
Dreamcatchers, Lutherans.
We're tired of running.
Exhausted. And now we have
a baby due in a few weeks.
It's time to make a stand.
Well, you still haven't told us
what it is that's following you.
I don't know! [SIGHS]
What do you call it? A curse? A monster?
A following thing.
We just, we want you to take care of it.
You know, zap it, or whatever.
- [SCORE FADES OUT]
- Zap it?
Yeah, that's what you do, right?
[PHONE BUZZES]
[PHONE KEYBOARD CLICKING]
LOMAX: It's a thing I get; A twitch.
Like a sixth sense, only one
that makes you wanna sneeze.
So, what's it telling you this time?
The Vendels are hiding something.
Do you mind checking them out for me?
Family history, past
residences, business dealings
- Anything you can find.
- [PHONE RINGING]
- Tyler, hi.
- Luke. Great to hear from you.
- D'you get my message?
- Yeah. About that.
I just wanted to let you know
that I've decided it's best if
we not partner on this
housing venture at this time.
I'm sorry. What?
It's just that I spoke with
my partner, Susan, and, well,
she's uncomfortable with the
basic philosophy behind the deal.
[SCOFFS]
Your partner doesn't
like the philosophy?
Yeah. I can't say that
I necessarily disagree.
[DRAMATIC SCORE]
I thought this was our deal, Luke.
It was. But in a deal like this
Susan and I, well, we have
to be on the same page.
It's not going to
work, Tyler. I'm sorry.
If I wasn't such a seasoned professional
my feelings might be hurt.
You don't want me for an enemy, Luke.
No, I don't.
- It's not personal, it's
- Business.
I'm aware of that.
I'm disappointed. I didn't get a chance
to pitch Susan directly.
You're obviously close.
Very.
Well, then, just forget I
ever walked into your world
and offered you the deal of a lifetime.
Right. Thanks for understanding.
I'll be in touch.
- [PHONE CLATTERS]
- ♪
[SIGHS]
Great little partner you got there.
[SCORE INTENSIFIES]
Be a shame if something happened to her.
[SCORE CRESCENDOS, ABATES]
- HUSBAND: Claire? You find it?
- [PAPER CRINKLING]
Yep.
- [TENDER SCORE]
- [CLAIRE SIGHS]
[LIGHT HAMMERING]
[CLAIRE SIGHS THROUGH NOSE]
HUSBAND: Do you think
we should have told them?
They don't need to know.
But
What if it helps them?
To know the whole picture, I mean?
To know that it's my mother?
Come on, Tim.
What kind of monster
am I to not only be glad
that my mother is dead,
but to actually want her
deader than dead?
What kind of daughter,
what kind of person
[DRAMATIC SCORE]
- Claire?
- Ow!
- Oh.
- [CLAIRE GASPS, PANTS]
Something's not right.
We're heading to the hospital. Now.
Okay. Okay.
[CLAIRE SIGHS, GROANS]
[SCORE INTENSIFIES]
- [CLICK]
- [MUSIC BOX MUSIC PLAYS]
[SCORE FADES OUT]
- All the tests came back normal.
- Thank God.
You do have some pre-eclampsia.
High blood pressure.
Now, in and of itself,
that's not a concern, but
it's vital you keep stressors
to an absolute minimum.
TIM: No problem.
Thank you, Dr. Naismith.
[QUIET TENDER SCORE]
- We're gonna be fine.
- [CLAIRE SIGHS]
Hey, everything is gonna be fine. Hm?
We have the perfect place to call home,
the Roman/Ireland people
are working the problem
and I'm going to make
sure nothing touches us.
Or her.
Okay.
- SUSAN: Good morning!
- [SCORE FADES OUT]
A little something from us to you.
- Thank you, Susan.
- Of course!
Everything good with
your lovely new home?
- There's one
- [LOUD SNAP]
[SUSAN GASPS]
- thing.
- The toaster?
It's not ours. Previous
owners left it behind.
- [TENSE SCORE]
- Oh, okay.
Well, let's just donate it
to Goodwill, or somebody.
See, that's the thing.
Every time we put it out
on the curb, or drop it at the Goodwill,
it shows up back on our counter again.
Oh. That's unusual.
MAN: But that's not all.
I thought my right rear
looked a little low.
Sorry?
This toaster is predicting
that I'm gonna have
a flat tire today.
It's a toaster of destiny.
Just the other day,
the toaster popped up
an image of a baseball.
Later that same day,
a kid next door hit a home
run through our window!
Just as the toaster prophesied.
[SUCKS TEETH]
All right.
It's gone. I will dispose of
it in the appropriate manner.
All right?
Enjoy the house.
It'll be back.
TAG: So, looking through the
names of these dummy corporations
they've been setting up
obviously in an effort
to hide from someone or something
I looked through the names.
The Cagney Corporation.
Gable Inc. The Rosebud
Company. See the pattern?
- Pattern?
- Old movies.
These people are
obviously old movie buffs.
Now, what was the name of the company
- that bought their new house?
- The Crawford Group.
Bingo.
- Joan Crawford?
- [SCORE FADES OUT]
Won an Oscar for Mildred Pierce in 1946.
- [SCORE FADES OUT]
- No more wire hangers! Ever!
Sorry. Total fly-by.
Okay, okay, okay. Faye
Dunaway plays Joan Crawford
- as a not-very-cool mom.
- [SOFT EERIE SCORE]
Which led me down a rabbit hole
to the obvious conclusion that
the entity tracking the Vendels
and messing with their shit
is, in fact, another not-very-cool mom,
- the mother of the woman
- Claire.
Claire. Claire's mother, Emma Shields,
died three years ago,
the precise time the hauntings began,
which happens to be the last time
the Vendels had a permanent address.
I also unearthed several complaints
during their time jumping from
hotel to motel to house rental.
In one disturbingly specific account,
the words Clairie Bear
And I'm quoting the
police report here
Were crudely carved into
walls and headboards.
♪♪
Claire. Clairie Bear, a
sympathetic affectation.
No, I get it, but it's just
why wouldn't they tell us?
Well, in a rather dark left turn
down research boulevard,
just a block away from
potentially criminal violation
of privacy statutes avenue,
I happened upon Claire's
childhood health records.
Whoa. Her medical records?
Isn't that a HIPAA violation?
I'm not telling anyone. Are you?
- Nope.
- Well, no harm done.
Anyway, it turns out
young Claire was a regular
at their local hospital ER. She suffered
dozens of seemingly
normal adolescent injuries:
Burns, hematomas, broken bones.
Nothing in and of itself
alarming until one notes that
she was there three or four times a year
throughout her young life.
♪
- [SOFT SIGH]
- TIM: Any news?
Nothing definite, but
we do have a theory.
Claire, tell me about your mother.
[SCORE FADES OUT]
We didn't come here for family therapy.
We came to you because of
Yes, for all of the zapping. I know.
But without all of the details
pertinent to a situation
it can be difficult
to get to that point.
[RESIGNED SIGH]
[TENDER SCORE]
It's not as if my mother was just mean.
Evil.
She was pure evil.
I was, like, three,
but I remember having
these tiny, little bruises
all over my body.
Always in places that the
daycare workers wouldn't see.
I just thought that I
Needed to be nicer
so that Mother would like me more.
But no matter what I'd try
Making up songs about
her, giving her drawings,
it just, it made her
Angry.
(EMOTIONAL) By the
time I was in my teens
she started calling me ugly and stupid.
She used to tape up
the corners of my mouth
to teach me to smile more.
She said it was for my own good,
that she was teaching me
to be ready for all the misery
and disappointment of life.
And afterward she would
She would always smile and say,
I only wish you well.
I'm so sorry.
TIM: See? Somebody knows the truth
and the world didn't end.
[CLAIRE INHALES DEEPLY, SIGHS]
- [SCOFFS]
- [SNIFFLES]
I'm so sorry, babe.
[TENDER SCORE]
You didn't sign up for this.
I did sign up for this.
All of it.
If it's part of you, it's part of me.
- [CLAIRE INHALES THROUGH NOSE]
- And hey,
lots of husbands don't get
on with their mother-in-law.
It's kind of a cliché.
[CLAIRE LAUGHS THROUGH NOSE]
[TIM CHUCKLES]
- [DRAMATIC BOOM]
- Oh my God.
The picture. It's straight.
[SCORE INTENSIFIES]
She's here.
[SCORE FADES OUT]
- [KEYBOARD CLICK]
- [PHONE RINGS]
[INCOMING VIDEO CALL NOTIFICATION]
- Bhavin, Anika. Good morning!
- It's back.
[DRAMATIC SCORE]
- I don't get it. How did it ?
- ANIKA: That's what it does.
My tire blew out on the expressway.
I had to change it on
the side of the road.
- [TOASTER CLICKS, RATTLES]
- Here's the toast of the day.
It's nobody we know.
Do you recognize him?
Um, he looks sort of like
a fireman I met recently.
Let me send a courier
to pick up the toaster.
It's time to get my
research guy on this.
And Anika? Save me
that slice, would you?
Sure.
- CLAIRE: She's here.
- LUKE: How do you know?
Mother hates disorder,
so whenever we move into a new place
we leave something hanging
on the wall that's crooked.
We know she'll straighten it out.
- Did she?
- CLAIRE: Oh, yeah.
But that's just the beginning.
Next, she'll be organizing
our shoes by the front door,
rearranging the cutlery drawer.
Don't love her messing with knives.
And then there's the
smell: Liniment cream.
She used to smear it all over her hands.
And the music box playing
in the middle of the night.
And then the pinches.
Welts popping up all over my body.
And then, all of a sudden,
she's there.
And that's when all hell breaks loose.
[SCORE FADES OUT]
This might sound obvious,
but have you ever tried
- just talking to her?
- [CLAIRE SCOFFS]
When people die, get
stuck in the minors,
can't move on to the show,
it's often because they have
some unfinished business.
Maybe, uh, Emma just wants
to meet her only grandchild.
That is exactly what we're afraid of.
- [TIM INHALES CALMING BREATH]
- Guys, you don't get it.
She's not lost.
She's not searching.
She's not unfinished.
She's not even human.
She wasn't even human
when she was human.
- She just wants to mess with us.
- She just wants to torture me
- and everybody that I love.
- Okay.
We get it. But if you're okay with it,
I would like to try talking first.
[CLAIRE SCOFFS]
You're the experts.
The courier just brought it by.
Great. So, what's your take?
Um
Can I be honest with you?
You know, I've always been a freelancer.
You know, a hired gun.
Between that and my
particular predilection
for not going out in the world
where there are Bears and mimes
and falling pieces of space debris,
I tend to, you know, uh,
- fly solo.
- [TENDER SCORE]
This gig with Roman/Ireland,
it's the first time I've
been a part of anything
resembling a team and
I like it. I like it more
than I thought I would.
We like it too.
But I wouldn't say it's like a family
because I hate people who
say anything is like a family
because the only thing
like a family is a family
and I say that as someone
who's never had a family myself,
so, let's just say
Roman/Ireland feels like home
and I like it here.
So, back to the toaster.
[KEYBOARD CLICKS]
Look what it served up this morning.
Huh. Is this this anybody you know?
Just a friend.
Apparently, the toaster gives
the user glimpses into the future.
Do you mind digging into this thing?
- Can do.
- Great!
Thanks, Tag.
So, this friend, um,
are you gonna see him soon?
Apparently. He's on the toast.
- Bye, Susan.
- [SIGNOFF BLEEP]
[LAUGHS QUIETLY]
[KEYBOARD CLICKING]
- [MESSAGE SENDING WHOOSH]
- [CLICK]
Yeah, I feel you, Mom.
[SHARP EXHALE]
[SCORE DARKENS]
- [BOOM, HIGH-PITCHED NOISE]
- [STATIC]
WOMAN: Clairie Bear
you run, you hide ♪
But I never left I only died ♪
You're not fit you'll never be ♪
The only mommy here ♪
(DEMONIC VOICE) Is me ♪
[SCORE INTENSIFIES]
[SCORE FADES OUT]
SUSAN: Wait Toasters
didn't always pop?
They did not and because they did not
the looming danger of burnt toast
was omnipresent, much like the
threat of nuclear war today.
But all that changed,
minus the nuclear war,
- when this guy came along.
- [KEYBOARD CLICKS]
Charles Strite invented the
toaster on a timer in 1921.
Brilliant. Visionary.
World-changing in its application
of the Maillard reaction,
which, as you know,
is a chemical reaction
between amino acids
and reducing sugars
to create melanoidins,
the compounds which give
browned food its distinct flavor.
Everybody knows that.
Well, but for Strite,
toasters became an obsession
and it wasn't long before he entered
the shadowy world of the occult.
The occult? But it's just toast.
Well, not to Strite. In
his twisted, brilliant mind,
Strite came to believe that
by manipulating the melanoidins
he was not only able
to predict the future,
but burn it onto a slice of bread.
So how did it find its way
back to the Patels' house?
Ah! So it seems that Strite had
a protégé named Alan McMasters.
McMasters was sad to see
Strite's slow descent into madness
so in the late '20s he
stole the clairvoyant toaster
out of the lab one night
and hid it in his own home.
He died in that same house in 1929
and on that very same site today
[KEYBOARD CLICKS]
The Patels' house.
So that's why the toaster
keeps ending up back there.
It is drawn to the
only home it ever knew,
but yearns for its creator.
Wow.
Yeah, you don't really see that
kind of loyalty in a small appliance.
Thanks, Tag. It's really great work.
Shall I send the toaster back?
My guess is it'll find its way
back to the Patels' on its own.
[TAG LAUGHS THROUGH NOSE]
- [KEYBOARD CLICKS]
- [CONNECTION DISCONNECT BEEP]
- [KEYBOARD CLACKING RAPIDLY]
- [SCORE INTENSIFIES]
- [LOUD METALLIC CLATTERING]
- [SCORE ABATES]
[CREEPY SCORE]
[DRAMATIC BOOM]
Emma!
[SCORE FADES OUT]
Emma?
- Emma.
- [MUSIC BOX PLAYING SONG]
[QUIET CREEPY SCORE PLAYS
ALONG WITH MUSIC BOX]
- [SCORE INTENSIFIES]
- [DRAMATIC BOOM]
Well, hi.
Who are you?
How can you be ?
Why're you here?
This isn't your world anymore.
[CHUCKLES DRYLY]
Oh, but I'm not finished with it yet.
(WHISPER) I'm going to be a grandma!
Emma, don't.
Where's Claire? The brat.
You know, she can't raise a child.
She's too weak.
Too stupid.
- Emma.
- No.
That child needs me.
[SUCKS TEETH] Only chance she's got.
I can teach her things, secret things.
Things that her mother was
never smart enough to grasp.
[EMMA CACKLES]
[MUSIC BOX MUSIC STOPS]
You need to leave them alone
and go back to wherever
- [EMMA SHRIEKS]
- [LUKE GROANS]
(DEMONIC) Get out of
my grandbaby's nursery!
[INTENSE SCORE]
[SCORE ABATES]
And, um, tell Claire
I'm coming.
- [LUKE SIGHS]
- [EMMA LAUGHS]
Don't worry. I only wish her well.
[SCORE INTENSIFIES]
- [SCORE ABATES, FADES OUT]
- [PHONE RINGING, BUZZING]
Hey. Well, not so great, really.
Howzabout
No, I don't think so.
Listen, Susan, we're gonna
have to regroup here in a bit.
Can you transfer me to August?
I need a little something
from his toolkit.
Okay.
Text me the address and I'll meet you.
- [FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
- [QUIET TENSE SCORE]
Well, for the second time today,
I feel more than a little bit stupid.
[TOASTER CLICKS]
[SCORE INTENSIFIES]
[HIGH-PITCHED TONE CRESCENDOS,
ECHOES AS IT ABATES]
Well?
There's something. I don't know.
Is it Strite?
- [METALLIC CLATTER]
- I'm going to head out
and give it a try.
[DISTANT BIRDS TWITTERING]
[METAL TOASTER CLATTERS]
[SCORE INTENSIFIES]
[HIGH-PITCHED WHINE ABATES]
[MULTIPLE VOICES ECHOING INDISTINCTLY]
[UPLIFTING HEROIC SCORE]
I believe you have something of mine.
They told me non-enzymatic browning
was incongruous with precognition.
They called me mad!
Well, who's mad now? [LAUGHS]
Pretty sure that's a
rhetorical question, Mr. Strite?
Charles Strite.
Remember that name with the great seers
and prognosticators,
the great visionaries of the ages.
Toastradamus.
That son of a bitch McMasters.
He was jealous of my
genius. He stole my device.
And do you know who put him up to it?
All those cheap bastards
who control big bread!
It's a big, yeasty,
gluten-packed cartel of evil!
May I?
[MOANS]
You two probably want to be alone.
Thank you.
You have righted a horrible wrong.
Pretty much what I do.
[DOOR CLOSES]
What happened?
Where's the toaster?
It's gone.
To a better place.
Okay.
CLAIRE: I just can't
stand the thought of that,
- of her, in the nursery.
- [SCORE FADES OUT]
- I know. Hot.
- Thank you.
I'm sorry, Claire. We had to try.
It's scary enough just
becoming a mom, you know?
[TENDER SCORE]
I wasn't planning on it. [SIGHS]
I didn't want to continue the pattern.
But
Now it's happening and
It actually gives me hope. [LAUGHS]
It's like it's a chance
for me to break free from
all of the awful memories and
Forge a new path.
Your husband said it.
It's time for you to make your stand.
- [SIGHS]
- [SCORE FADES OUT]
- Hi. Côtes-du-Rhône, please.
- [LIGHT JAZZ PIANO MUSIC]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
- Hey!
- Hey!
Hi. You look
So great.
Yeah, I hope this place is okay.
One of the guys at the station
- said it was "the" spot.
- Oh.
But I forgot to mention
it was a date, so
Oh my God. This is a date?
Uh, well
- I'm just kidding.
- Oh.
- I have a cruel streak.
- Ah, geez.
Don't do that! I'm surprisingly fragile.
- [SUSAN LAUGHS]
- [CRASH CHUCKLES]
- Oh, thanks.
- Thank you.
Um, I'll get whatever she's having.
Yeah.
So, save any little old ladies
holding cats stuck up in trees
- from any fires today?
- Oh, God, yeah.
- Three before lunch, actually.
- Ah. Wow.
Yeah. How about you?
Small kitchen appliance
issue at one place,
but nothing I can't handle.
Mm. I bet. My mom used to clean
other peoples' homes for a living.
Sometimes I'd go with her
and we would walk through
these amazing homes and she would say,
"someday, Charlie,
we're gonna have one of these places."
- We never got there.
- Aw. I'm so sorry.
No, I see you helping people
like my mom get the places
that make their dreams come true.
That's so awesome.
Yes. Yes, it absolutely is.
- [GLASS CLINKS ONTO BAR]
- Oh. Thank you.
Cheers.
Cheers.
Uh, I'm glad you texted.
I was gonna a bunch of
times, but I just was nervous.
Why?
You're totally out of my league. I
[SUSAN LAUGHS]
What?
My mom always told me to
look out for the nice guys.
Guys you might fall for. She
She said they're out
there, but they hide.
Mm. She sounds like a character.
Mm. She was.
I lost her a little over a year ago.
Oh my God. I am so sorry.
No! I was just thinking
how much she'd love you.
So
I'm a nice guy?
Think you might be. Yeah.
But I found where you were hiding.
[LAUGHS]
[WHOOSH]
[BABY CRYING]
[TENSE SCORE]
[SOFT SIGH]
- [DRAMATIC BOOM]
- [DISQUIETING SCORE]
[BABY CRYING]
[LIGHT SWITCH CLICKS]
[BABY CRYING]
[EMMA SHUSHING]
EMMA: You little
darling one two three ♪
I'm gonna make you just like me ♪
- Ffingers ♪
- [BABY CRIES]
Hair so fine ♪
You're not mommy's girl ♪
[BABY CONTINUES CRYING]
You're mine ♪
[TENSE DRAMATIC SCORE]
[BABY CRYING]
Ready?
Ahh
No! No!
What?! What is it? Is it the baby?
No. No.
[SCORE INTENSIFIES, FADES OUT]
She's attached to Claire
like a pernicious weed
sprouting out of a
crack in the sidewalk.
I've designed a new device
with a dual processor
so, the severance of the connection
and the atomization of the spirit
can happen simultaneously,
along with short-term storage
of the residual consciousness.
- [QUIET SCORE]
- Do you think it'll work?
Certainty is for toasters.
Good point.
Now, it will work, but not quickly.
Think dial-up Internet
and dot matrix printers.
Got it. Let's get moving.
TIM: You're sure this won't
hurt Claire or the baby?
Not a scratch.
Grandma, on the other
hand, should be contained.
But she must be transferred quickly
to a sturdier receptacle.
And the device takes time
- [MUSIC BOX SONG PLAYS]
- [DRAMATIC BOOM]
LOMAX: Wasn't that in the nursery?
I brought it down here.
I didn't want it anywhere near them.
- Tim?
- It's okay, babe.
No, it's not.
My water just broke.
Uh, Tim, let's get
Claire to the hospital.
- [SCORE INTENSIFIES]
- EMMA: Stay where you are!
- [CLICK] - [WAVERING
HIGH-PITCHED TONES]
- It's not ready!
- [SCREECHES]
[AUGUST GRUNTS]
[DRAMATIC SCORE]
Clairie Bear,
step away.
I only want my grandbaby.
No.
You can't have her.
I can.
[SCORE INTENSIFIES]
Get away from her, you bitch!
What did you say?
I said no!
[SCOFFS, CHUCKLES]
You're no mother.
Not to me, not to anyone.
You are a vicious, cruel shrew
whose time has come and gone.
And you can't hurt me anymore, ever!
Oh. [CRIES]
You're hurting me. [CRYING]
Get out of here.
Leave now and never come back.
After all I've done for you.
You dare speak to me like that!
- [DEVICE BOOMS ON]
- No! No!
[PAINED GROANING]
Ahh!
- [WHOOSH]
- [DESCENDING SWOOP]
- August oh, dear.
- LUKE: What's oh, dear?
Short-term storage just
became very, very short-term.
- LUKE: How short?
- AUGUST: Seconds.
We need something
else to put it in. Now!
Here!
- [LOW-END BOOM]
- [DESCENDING WHOOSH]
- [LUKE GRUNTS]
- We need something to secure it!
What? Like a ritual or a spell?
I was thinking more along
the lines of packing tape.
Oh.
Okay.
- [SCORE ABATES]
- We did it.
[CLAIRE LAUGHS]
- You did it, Claire.
- [BOTH LAUGH]
This is, this is a
lovely moment, really,
but do you think maybe somebody
could get me to the hospital?
- Yeah. You good?
- LUKE (WHISPER): Yeah.
LOMAX: Okay. Let's go!
Heh. Hey! A baby! Yay!
- CLAIRE: Okay.
- [SCORE FADES OUT]
CLAIRE: Susan told me about this place.
She said it's small, but very deep.
- [GENTLE SCORE]
- TIM: Sounds perfect.
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[CLAIRE SIGHS GENTLY]
[LONG EXHALE]
Goodbye, Mother.
I only wish you well.
[DISTANT SPLASH]
[RELIEVED SIGH]
[RELIEVED EXHALE]
- [KEYBOARD CLICK]
- [KNOCKING AT DOOR]
- [SCORE FADES OUT]
- [KEYBOARD CLICK, BLEEP]
Tag?
Come on Tag, open up.
- [KEYBOARD CLICK, BLEEP]
- [MULTIPLE DINGS]
- [MECHANICAL CLICK, RATCHETING]
- [DOOR OPENING]
- [GENTLE SCORE]
- [DOOR HINGES CREAK]
- [DOOR CLOSES]
- So, hi.
You're taller than I pictured you.
Yeah, I get that a lot.
- [SUSAN LAUGHS THROUGH NOSE]
- Um, come in.
Something to drink? I've
got bottled water or
- Water.
- No, no. I'm good.
I'm good, thank you.
Oh! Here's the report
on that brick of yours.
- Uh, it's fairly specific, so
- [SCORE FADE OUT]
Thanks, Tag.
Oh, can I get your opinion on something?
- Sure.
- Yeah, um.
For the past six months I've
been trying to figure out
what kind of flooring to
put in. I go back and forth.
Some days I'm liking
the oat frosted oak plank
and other days I'm leaning
towards the dark maple.
Then again, I have
my tile days, as well.
I even flirted with
linoleum once but turns out
I had screwed up my meds.
Dark maple.
- Yeah?
- You have this massive space,
all this whiteness and light.
Dark maple will give it
richness and contrast.
Richness. Contrast.
- Damn, you're good. Thank you.
- [BOTH LAUGH]
Yeah. Listen, I won't
stay, it's just, um
Tag, what you said about
being a part of the team.
It was nice.
- [TENDER SCORE]
- It was true.
So, these came in today.
I order them for all of our employees.
Kind of incurably analog
and I think stuff like this matters.
Whether you are in the office
or not, you are one of us.
Tag Guinness. The Answer Guy.
Roman/Ireland Real Estate.
I remember when I got
my first business cards.
It was so emotional.
And I thought
somebody thinks enough of me
to put it on 14-point cardstock.
Mm, it mattered.
It matters.
Well, anyway, have a good night.
- Thank you, Susan.
- You're welcome.
And I'll see you, uh [SUCKS TEETH]
You know, up on the screen.
[SUCKS TEETH]
[FOOTSTEPS RECEDING]
- [LONG EXHALE]
- [DOOR OPENS]
(WHISPERS) Wow.
- [DOOR HINGES CREAKING]
- [CHUCKLES]
Wow.
- [QUIET LAUGH]
- [BUSINESS CARD SNAPS ONTO DESK]
[SOFT THUD INTO CHAIR]
[LONG CALMING EXHALE]
[KEYBOARD CLACKING]
- [SNIFF]
- [SCORE INTENSIFIES]
- [DRAMATIC BOOM]
- Susan Ireland. Rest in peace.
[SCORE INTENSIFIES, ABATES]
[DRAMATIC PERCUSSIVE SCORE]
Hi! You've reached Susan Ireland,
[VOICE MESSAGE DISTORTS]
♪
[HANDLE CLICKS]
[SCORE ABATES]
- [DOOR THUDS LOUDLY]
- [TAG GASPS]
[LOUD HEARTBEATS]
[GRATING DISCORDANT SCORE]
[LOUD HEARTBEATS]
[ELEVATOR DOORS SQUEAK OPEN]
[LOUD HEARTBEATS]
[ENGINE REVVING]
No, no, no, no, no.
Susan!
[ENGINE REVVING]
- Susan!
- [GRUNTS]
- SUSAN: Oh!
- [THUDS, CLATTERING]
[SCORE ABATES]
[SHARP EXHALES]
[SCORE INTENSIFIES]
[GRUNTS]
(WHISPER) What? [GASPING]
(SOBBING) No!
[SUSAN GASPS, BREATHES HARD]
It's going to be okay, Tag.
Your hair
Smells really nice.
[SOFT LAUGH]
[TENDER SCORE]
Oh, Tag. No.
[SOBS] No.
[SNIFFLES]
- [SCORE FADES OUT]
- [CLOSING CREDIT THEME]
[INDUSTRIAL NOISES]
LUKE: Previously on SurrealEstate.
TAG: I was just wondering
if you're all right.
Yeah, I'm fine. It's
sweet of you to ask.
I think Tag is crushing on you.
- [INTRIGUING SCORE]
- Susan.
I'm Crash.
They want me to tell you not every soul
needs a kick in the ass so listen.
You scare me, Tyler.
It's about Tyler MacNeil.
Tyler is obsessed with Luke Roman.
- [LOUD DRAMATIC SCORE]
- [BLUSTERY GUSTING WIND]
MAN: This is gonna be a bad one!
- [ELECTRICAL ARCING]
- Ah! Honey!
Where are the car keys?
In the car!
[DRAMATIC SCORE]
- [MAN EXHALES SHARPLY]
- Tim
What? Please, can we just go?
I forgot something.
- Stay in the car.
- No. No! Tim!
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
[MUSIC BOX MUSIC PLAYS FAINTLY]
[WIND HOWLS]
[WOMAN BREATHES HARD] (WHISPERS) Oh. Oh.
- [THUNDER RUMBLES]
- Oh God.
Go. Go!
- [GEAR SELECTOR SHIFTS]
- [ENGINE REVS]
- [TIRES SCREECH]
- [ENGINE REVS]
[DRAMATIC OPENING THEME]
[DISTANT MAN SCREAMING]
[THEME FADES OUT]
LOMAX: Here is the
title search, insurance.
RITA: Mm-hm. A settlement statement.
As negotiated, they're
leaving some of the appliances
and the window coverings.
And [SIGHS] This is my favorite part.
[LAUGHS]
[QUIET MISCHIEVOUS SCORE]
- [MAN LAUGHS]
- RITA: Uh-huh.
Oh! Cash deals.
More rare than a happy marriage
- and far more fungible. [LAUGHS]
- [SCORE FADES OUT]
Especially for first-time homebuyers.
Bitcoin paid off.
Oh! So that's the Crawford Group?
Yeah, it made sense tax-wise
to purchase through my corporation.
RITA: Hmm. Well, it's been a treat.
Next time you have a quick cash deal,
nobody needs to know. Shh.
- [RITA LAUGHS]
- We're sitting right here.
- Bye.
- [FOOTSTEPS RECEDING]
You'll have to excuse Rita.
She may come off as a cold, unfeeling,
ruthless house-selling machine.
So, when are you moving in?
We're actually, um
We're not done yet.
We heard that your agency is special.
[QUIET MYSTERIOUS SCORE]
Well, we like to think so.
We heard from a guy
that you understand stuff
that a lot of other people don't.
That is fair to say.
But this house, I don't think
it has the type of problem that
I think you are talking about.
Not yet.
Maybe you should just tell us
exactly what you're talking about.
Um [SCOFFS]
For the past three years,
we've been on the lam.
The lam?
We have moved in and out of 22 homes?
If you can call a place that
you've lived for two weeks
a home.
Because every single time, [SCOFFS]
It finds us.
And we've tried everything:
Exorcisms, witch doctors.
Dreamcatchers, Lutherans.
We're tired of running.
Exhausted. And now we have
a baby due in a few weeks.
It's time to make a stand.
Well, you still haven't told us
what it is that's following you.
I don't know! [SIGHS]
What do you call it? A curse? A monster?
A following thing.
We just, we want you to take care of it.
You know, zap it, or whatever.
- [SCORE FADES OUT]
- Zap it?
Yeah, that's what you do, right?
[PHONE BUZZES]
[PHONE KEYBOARD CLICKING]
LOMAX: It's a thing I get; A twitch.
Like a sixth sense, only one
that makes you wanna sneeze.
So, what's it telling you this time?
The Vendels are hiding something.
Do you mind checking them out for me?
Family history, past
residences, business dealings
- Anything you can find.
- [PHONE RINGING]
- Tyler, hi.
- Luke. Great to hear from you.
- D'you get my message?
- Yeah. About that.
I just wanted to let you know
that I've decided it's best if
we not partner on this
housing venture at this time.
I'm sorry. What?
It's just that I spoke with
my partner, Susan, and, well,
she's uncomfortable with the
basic philosophy behind the deal.
[SCOFFS]
Your partner doesn't
like the philosophy?
Yeah. I can't say that
I necessarily disagree.
[DRAMATIC SCORE]
I thought this was our deal, Luke.
It was. But in a deal like this
Susan and I, well, we have
to be on the same page.
It's not going to
work, Tyler. I'm sorry.
If I wasn't such a seasoned professional
my feelings might be hurt.
You don't want me for an enemy, Luke.
No, I don't.
- It's not personal, it's
- Business.
I'm aware of that.
I'm disappointed. I didn't get a chance
to pitch Susan directly.
You're obviously close.
Very.
Well, then, just forget I
ever walked into your world
and offered you the deal of a lifetime.
Right. Thanks for understanding.
I'll be in touch.
- [PHONE CLATTERS]
- ♪
[SIGHS]
Great little partner you got there.
[SCORE INTENSIFIES]
Be a shame if something happened to her.
[SCORE CRESCENDOS, ABATES]
- HUSBAND: Claire? You find it?
- [PAPER CRINKLING]
Yep.
- [TENDER SCORE]
- [CLAIRE SIGHS]
[LIGHT HAMMERING]
[CLAIRE SIGHS THROUGH NOSE]
HUSBAND: Do you think
we should have told them?
They don't need to know.
But
What if it helps them?
To know the whole picture, I mean?
To know that it's my mother?
Come on, Tim.
What kind of monster
am I to not only be glad
that my mother is dead,
but to actually want her
deader than dead?
What kind of daughter,
what kind of person
[DRAMATIC SCORE]
- Claire?
- Ow!
- Oh.
- [CLAIRE GASPS, PANTS]
Something's not right.
We're heading to the hospital. Now.
Okay. Okay.
[CLAIRE SIGHS, GROANS]
[SCORE INTENSIFIES]
- [CLICK]
- [MUSIC BOX MUSIC PLAYS]
[SCORE FADES OUT]
- All the tests came back normal.
- Thank God.
You do have some pre-eclampsia.
High blood pressure.
Now, in and of itself,
that's not a concern, but
it's vital you keep stressors
to an absolute minimum.
TIM: No problem.
Thank you, Dr. Naismith.
[QUIET TENDER SCORE]
- We're gonna be fine.
- [CLAIRE SIGHS]
Hey, everything is gonna be fine. Hm?
We have the perfect place to call home,
the Roman/Ireland people
are working the problem
and I'm going to make
sure nothing touches us.
Or her.
Okay.
- SUSAN: Good morning!
- [SCORE FADES OUT]
A little something from us to you.
- Thank you, Susan.
- Of course!
Everything good with
your lovely new home?
- There's one
- [LOUD SNAP]
[SUSAN GASPS]
- thing.
- The toaster?
It's not ours. Previous
owners left it behind.
- [TENSE SCORE]
- Oh, okay.
Well, let's just donate it
to Goodwill, or somebody.
See, that's the thing.
Every time we put it out
on the curb, or drop it at the Goodwill,
it shows up back on our counter again.
Oh. That's unusual.
MAN: But that's not all.
I thought my right rear
looked a little low.
Sorry?
This toaster is predicting
that I'm gonna have
a flat tire today.
It's a toaster of destiny.
Just the other day,
the toaster popped up
an image of a baseball.
Later that same day,
a kid next door hit a home
run through our window!
Just as the toaster prophesied.
[SUCKS TEETH]
All right.
It's gone. I will dispose of
it in the appropriate manner.
All right?
Enjoy the house.
It'll be back.
TAG: So, looking through the
names of these dummy corporations
they've been setting up
obviously in an effort
to hide from someone or something
I looked through the names.
The Cagney Corporation.
Gable Inc. The Rosebud
Company. See the pattern?
- Pattern?
- Old movies.
These people are
obviously old movie buffs.
Now, what was the name of the company
- that bought their new house?
- The Crawford Group.
Bingo.
- Joan Crawford?
- [SCORE FADES OUT]
Won an Oscar for Mildred Pierce in 1946.
- [SCORE FADES OUT]
- No more wire hangers! Ever!
Sorry. Total fly-by.
Okay, okay, okay. Faye
Dunaway plays Joan Crawford
- as a not-very-cool mom.
- [SOFT EERIE SCORE]
Which led me down a rabbit hole
to the obvious conclusion that
the entity tracking the Vendels
and messing with their shit
is, in fact, another not-very-cool mom,
- the mother of the woman
- Claire.
Claire. Claire's mother, Emma Shields,
died three years ago,
the precise time the hauntings began,
which happens to be the last time
the Vendels had a permanent address.
I also unearthed several complaints
during their time jumping from
hotel to motel to house rental.
In one disturbingly specific account,
the words Clairie Bear
And I'm quoting the
police report here
Were crudely carved into
walls and headboards.
♪♪
Claire. Clairie Bear, a
sympathetic affectation.
No, I get it, but it's just
why wouldn't they tell us?
Well, in a rather dark left turn
down research boulevard,
just a block away from
potentially criminal violation
of privacy statutes avenue,
I happened upon Claire's
childhood health records.
Whoa. Her medical records?
Isn't that a HIPAA violation?
I'm not telling anyone. Are you?
- Nope.
- Well, no harm done.
Anyway, it turns out
young Claire was a regular
at their local hospital ER. She suffered
dozens of seemingly
normal adolescent injuries:
Burns, hematomas, broken bones.
Nothing in and of itself
alarming until one notes that
she was there three or four times a year
throughout her young life.
♪
- [SOFT SIGH]
- TIM: Any news?
Nothing definite, but
we do have a theory.
Claire, tell me about your mother.
[SCORE FADES OUT]
We didn't come here for family therapy.
We came to you because of
Yes, for all of the zapping. I know.
But without all of the details
pertinent to a situation
it can be difficult
to get to that point.
[RESIGNED SIGH]
[TENDER SCORE]
It's not as if my mother was just mean.
Evil.
She was pure evil.
I was, like, three,
but I remember having
these tiny, little bruises
all over my body.
Always in places that the
daycare workers wouldn't see.
I just thought that I
Needed to be nicer
so that Mother would like me more.
But no matter what I'd try
Making up songs about
her, giving her drawings,
it just, it made her
Angry.
(EMOTIONAL) By the
time I was in my teens
she started calling me ugly and stupid.
She used to tape up
the corners of my mouth
to teach me to smile more.
She said it was for my own good,
that she was teaching me
to be ready for all the misery
and disappointment of life.
And afterward she would
She would always smile and say,
I only wish you well.
I'm so sorry.
TIM: See? Somebody knows the truth
and the world didn't end.
[CLAIRE INHALES DEEPLY, SIGHS]
- [SCOFFS]
- [SNIFFLES]
I'm so sorry, babe.
[TENDER SCORE]
You didn't sign up for this.
I did sign up for this.
All of it.
If it's part of you, it's part of me.
- [CLAIRE INHALES THROUGH NOSE]
- And hey,
lots of husbands don't get
on with their mother-in-law.
It's kind of a cliché.
[CLAIRE LAUGHS THROUGH NOSE]
[TIM CHUCKLES]
- [DRAMATIC BOOM]
- Oh my God.
The picture. It's straight.
[SCORE INTENSIFIES]
She's here.
[SCORE FADES OUT]
- [KEYBOARD CLICK]
- [PHONE RINGS]
[INCOMING VIDEO CALL NOTIFICATION]
- Bhavin, Anika. Good morning!
- It's back.
[DRAMATIC SCORE]
- I don't get it. How did it ?
- ANIKA: That's what it does.
My tire blew out on the expressway.
I had to change it on
the side of the road.
- [TOASTER CLICKS, RATTLES]
- Here's the toast of the day.
It's nobody we know.
Do you recognize him?
Um, he looks sort of like
a fireman I met recently.
Let me send a courier
to pick up the toaster.
It's time to get my
research guy on this.
And Anika? Save me
that slice, would you?
Sure.
- CLAIRE: She's here.
- LUKE: How do you know?
Mother hates disorder,
so whenever we move into a new place
we leave something hanging
on the wall that's crooked.
We know she'll straighten it out.
- Did she?
- CLAIRE: Oh, yeah.
But that's just the beginning.
Next, she'll be organizing
our shoes by the front door,
rearranging the cutlery drawer.
Don't love her messing with knives.
And then there's the
smell: Liniment cream.
She used to smear it all over her hands.
And the music box playing
in the middle of the night.
And then the pinches.
Welts popping up all over my body.
And then, all of a sudden,
she's there.
And that's when all hell breaks loose.
[SCORE FADES OUT]
This might sound obvious,
but have you ever tried
- just talking to her?
- [CLAIRE SCOFFS]
When people die, get
stuck in the minors,
can't move on to the show,
it's often because they have
some unfinished business.
Maybe, uh, Emma just wants
to meet her only grandchild.
That is exactly what we're afraid of.
- [TIM INHALES CALMING BREATH]
- Guys, you don't get it.
She's not lost.
She's not searching.
She's not unfinished.
She's not even human.
She wasn't even human
when she was human.
- She just wants to mess with us.
- She just wants to torture me
- and everybody that I love.
- Okay.
We get it. But if you're okay with it,
I would like to try talking first.
[CLAIRE SCOFFS]
You're the experts.
The courier just brought it by.
Great. So, what's your take?
Um
Can I be honest with you?
You know, I've always been a freelancer.
You know, a hired gun.
Between that and my
particular predilection
for not going out in the world
where there are Bears and mimes
and falling pieces of space debris,
I tend to, you know, uh,
- fly solo.
- [TENDER SCORE]
This gig with Roman/Ireland,
it's the first time I've
been a part of anything
resembling a team and
I like it. I like it more
than I thought I would.
We like it too.
But I wouldn't say it's like a family
because I hate people who
say anything is like a family
because the only thing
like a family is a family
and I say that as someone
who's never had a family myself,
so, let's just say
Roman/Ireland feels like home
and I like it here.
So, back to the toaster.
[KEYBOARD CLICKS]
Look what it served up this morning.
Huh. Is this this anybody you know?
Just a friend.
Apparently, the toaster gives
the user glimpses into the future.
Do you mind digging into this thing?
- Can do.
- Great!
Thanks, Tag.
So, this friend, um,
are you gonna see him soon?
Apparently. He's on the toast.
- Bye, Susan.
- [SIGNOFF BLEEP]
[LAUGHS QUIETLY]
[KEYBOARD CLICKING]
- [MESSAGE SENDING WHOOSH]
- [CLICK]
Yeah, I feel you, Mom.
[SHARP EXHALE]
[SCORE DARKENS]
- [BOOM, HIGH-PITCHED NOISE]
- [STATIC]
WOMAN: Clairie Bear
you run, you hide ♪
But I never left I only died ♪
You're not fit you'll never be ♪
The only mommy here ♪
(DEMONIC VOICE) Is me ♪
[SCORE INTENSIFIES]
[SCORE FADES OUT]
SUSAN: Wait Toasters
didn't always pop?
They did not and because they did not
the looming danger of burnt toast
was omnipresent, much like the
threat of nuclear war today.
But all that changed,
minus the nuclear war,
- when this guy came along.
- [KEYBOARD CLICKS]
Charles Strite invented the
toaster on a timer in 1921.
Brilliant. Visionary.
World-changing in its application
of the Maillard reaction,
which, as you know,
is a chemical reaction
between amino acids
and reducing sugars
to create melanoidins,
the compounds which give
browned food its distinct flavor.
Everybody knows that.
Well, but for Strite,
toasters became an obsession
and it wasn't long before he entered
the shadowy world of the occult.
The occult? But it's just toast.
Well, not to Strite. In
his twisted, brilliant mind,
Strite came to believe that
by manipulating the melanoidins
he was not only able
to predict the future,
but burn it onto a slice of bread.
So how did it find its way
back to the Patels' house?
Ah! So it seems that Strite had
a protégé named Alan McMasters.
McMasters was sad to see
Strite's slow descent into madness
so in the late '20s he
stole the clairvoyant toaster
out of the lab one night
and hid it in his own home.
He died in that same house in 1929
and on that very same site today
[KEYBOARD CLICKS]
The Patels' house.
So that's why the toaster
keeps ending up back there.
It is drawn to the
only home it ever knew,
but yearns for its creator.
Wow.
Yeah, you don't really see that
kind of loyalty in a small appliance.
Thanks, Tag. It's really great work.
Shall I send the toaster back?
My guess is it'll find its way
back to the Patels' on its own.
[TAG LAUGHS THROUGH NOSE]
- [KEYBOARD CLICKS]
- [CONNECTION DISCONNECT BEEP]
- [KEYBOARD CLACKING RAPIDLY]
- [SCORE INTENSIFIES]
- [LOUD METALLIC CLATTERING]
- [SCORE ABATES]
[CREEPY SCORE]
[DRAMATIC BOOM]
Emma!
[SCORE FADES OUT]
Emma?
- Emma.
- [MUSIC BOX PLAYING SONG]
[QUIET CREEPY SCORE PLAYS
ALONG WITH MUSIC BOX]
- [SCORE INTENSIFIES]
- [DRAMATIC BOOM]
Well, hi.
Who are you?
How can you be ?
Why're you here?
This isn't your world anymore.
[CHUCKLES DRYLY]
Oh, but I'm not finished with it yet.
(WHISPER) I'm going to be a grandma!
Emma, don't.
Where's Claire? The brat.
You know, she can't raise a child.
She's too weak.
Too stupid.
- Emma.
- No.
That child needs me.
[SUCKS TEETH] Only chance she's got.
I can teach her things, secret things.
Things that her mother was
never smart enough to grasp.
[EMMA CACKLES]
[MUSIC BOX MUSIC STOPS]
You need to leave them alone
and go back to wherever
- [EMMA SHRIEKS]
- [LUKE GROANS]
(DEMONIC) Get out of
my grandbaby's nursery!
[INTENSE SCORE]
[SCORE ABATES]
And, um, tell Claire
I'm coming.
- [LUKE SIGHS]
- [EMMA LAUGHS]
Don't worry. I only wish her well.
[SCORE INTENSIFIES]
- [SCORE ABATES, FADES OUT]
- [PHONE RINGING, BUZZING]
Hey. Well, not so great, really.
Howzabout
No, I don't think so.
Listen, Susan, we're gonna
have to regroup here in a bit.
Can you transfer me to August?
I need a little something
from his toolkit.
Okay.
Text me the address and I'll meet you.
- [FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
- [QUIET TENSE SCORE]
Well, for the second time today,
I feel more than a little bit stupid.
[TOASTER CLICKS]
[SCORE INTENSIFIES]
[HIGH-PITCHED TONE CRESCENDOS,
ECHOES AS IT ABATES]
Well?
There's something. I don't know.
Is it Strite?
- [METALLIC CLATTER]
- I'm going to head out
and give it a try.
[DISTANT BIRDS TWITTERING]
[METAL TOASTER CLATTERS]
[SCORE INTENSIFIES]
[HIGH-PITCHED WHINE ABATES]
[MULTIPLE VOICES ECHOING INDISTINCTLY]
[UPLIFTING HEROIC SCORE]
I believe you have something of mine.
They told me non-enzymatic browning
was incongruous with precognition.
They called me mad!
Well, who's mad now? [LAUGHS]
Pretty sure that's a
rhetorical question, Mr. Strite?
Charles Strite.
Remember that name with the great seers
and prognosticators,
the great visionaries of the ages.
Toastradamus.
That son of a bitch McMasters.
He was jealous of my
genius. He stole my device.
And do you know who put him up to it?
All those cheap bastards
who control big bread!
It's a big, yeasty,
gluten-packed cartel of evil!
May I?
[MOANS]
You two probably want to be alone.
Thank you.
You have righted a horrible wrong.
Pretty much what I do.
[DOOR CLOSES]
What happened?
Where's the toaster?
It's gone.
To a better place.
Okay.
CLAIRE: I just can't
stand the thought of that,
- of her, in the nursery.
- [SCORE FADES OUT]
- I know. Hot.
- Thank you.
I'm sorry, Claire. We had to try.
It's scary enough just
becoming a mom, you know?
[TENDER SCORE]
I wasn't planning on it. [SIGHS]
I didn't want to continue the pattern.
But
Now it's happening and
It actually gives me hope. [LAUGHS]
It's like it's a chance
for me to break free from
all of the awful memories and
Forge a new path.
Your husband said it.
It's time for you to make your stand.
- [SIGHS]
- [SCORE FADES OUT]
- Hi. Côtes-du-Rhône, please.
- [LIGHT JAZZ PIANO MUSIC]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
- Hey!
- Hey!
Hi. You look
So great.
Yeah, I hope this place is okay.
One of the guys at the station
- said it was "the" spot.
- Oh.
But I forgot to mention
it was a date, so
Oh my God. This is a date?
Uh, well
- I'm just kidding.
- Oh.
- I have a cruel streak.
- Ah, geez.
Don't do that! I'm surprisingly fragile.
- [SUSAN LAUGHS]
- [CRASH CHUCKLES]
- Oh, thanks.
- Thank you.
Um, I'll get whatever she's having.
Yeah.
So, save any little old ladies
holding cats stuck up in trees
- from any fires today?
- Oh, God, yeah.
- Three before lunch, actually.
- Ah. Wow.
Yeah. How about you?
Small kitchen appliance
issue at one place,
but nothing I can't handle.
Mm. I bet. My mom used to clean
other peoples' homes for a living.
Sometimes I'd go with her
and we would walk through
these amazing homes and she would say,
"someday, Charlie,
we're gonna have one of these places."
- We never got there.
- Aw. I'm so sorry.
No, I see you helping people
like my mom get the places
that make their dreams come true.
That's so awesome.
Yes. Yes, it absolutely is.
- [GLASS CLINKS ONTO BAR]
- Oh. Thank you.
Cheers.
Cheers.
Uh, I'm glad you texted.
I was gonna a bunch of
times, but I just was nervous.
Why?
You're totally out of my league. I
[SUSAN LAUGHS]
What?
My mom always told me to
look out for the nice guys.
Guys you might fall for. She
She said they're out
there, but they hide.
Mm. She sounds like a character.
Mm. She was.
I lost her a little over a year ago.
Oh my God. I am so sorry.
No! I was just thinking
how much she'd love you.
So
I'm a nice guy?
Think you might be. Yeah.
But I found where you were hiding.
[LAUGHS]
[WHOOSH]
[BABY CRYING]
[TENSE SCORE]
[SOFT SIGH]
- [DRAMATIC BOOM]
- [DISQUIETING SCORE]
[BABY CRYING]
[LIGHT SWITCH CLICKS]
[BABY CRYING]
[EMMA SHUSHING]
EMMA: You little
darling one two three ♪
I'm gonna make you just like me ♪
- Ffingers ♪
- [BABY CRIES]
Hair so fine ♪
You're not mommy's girl ♪
[BABY CONTINUES CRYING]
You're mine ♪
[TENSE DRAMATIC SCORE]
[BABY CRYING]
Ready?
Ahh
No! No!
What?! What is it? Is it the baby?
No. No.
[SCORE INTENSIFIES, FADES OUT]
She's attached to Claire
like a pernicious weed
sprouting out of a
crack in the sidewalk.
I've designed a new device
with a dual processor
so, the severance of the connection
and the atomization of the spirit
can happen simultaneously,
along with short-term storage
of the residual consciousness.
- [QUIET SCORE]
- Do you think it'll work?
Certainty is for toasters.
Good point.
Now, it will work, but not quickly.
Think dial-up Internet
and dot matrix printers.
Got it. Let's get moving.
TIM: You're sure this won't
hurt Claire or the baby?
Not a scratch.
Grandma, on the other
hand, should be contained.
But she must be transferred quickly
to a sturdier receptacle.
And the device takes time
- [MUSIC BOX SONG PLAYS]
- [DRAMATIC BOOM]
LOMAX: Wasn't that in the nursery?
I brought it down here.
I didn't want it anywhere near them.
- Tim?
- It's okay, babe.
No, it's not.
My water just broke.
Uh, Tim, let's get
Claire to the hospital.
- [SCORE INTENSIFIES]
- EMMA: Stay where you are!
- [CLICK] - [WAVERING
HIGH-PITCHED TONES]
- It's not ready!
- [SCREECHES]
[AUGUST GRUNTS]
[DRAMATIC SCORE]
Clairie Bear,
step away.
I only want my grandbaby.
No.
You can't have her.
I can.
[SCORE INTENSIFIES]
Get away from her, you bitch!
What did you say?
I said no!
[SCOFFS, CHUCKLES]
You're no mother.
Not to me, not to anyone.
You are a vicious, cruel shrew
whose time has come and gone.
And you can't hurt me anymore, ever!
Oh. [CRIES]
You're hurting me. [CRYING]
Get out of here.
Leave now and never come back.
After all I've done for you.
You dare speak to me like that!
- [DEVICE BOOMS ON]
- No! No!
[PAINED GROANING]
Ahh!
- [WHOOSH]
- [DESCENDING SWOOP]
- August oh, dear.
- LUKE: What's oh, dear?
Short-term storage just
became very, very short-term.
- LUKE: How short?
- AUGUST: Seconds.
We need something
else to put it in. Now!
Here!
- [LOW-END BOOM]
- [DESCENDING WHOOSH]
- [LUKE GRUNTS]
- We need something to secure it!
What? Like a ritual or a spell?
I was thinking more along
the lines of packing tape.
Oh.
Okay.
- [SCORE ABATES]
- We did it.
[CLAIRE LAUGHS]
- You did it, Claire.
- [BOTH LAUGH]
This is, this is a
lovely moment, really,
but do you think maybe somebody
could get me to the hospital?
- Yeah. You good?
- LUKE (WHISPER): Yeah.
LOMAX: Okay. Let's go!
Heh. Hey! A baby! Yay!
- CLAIRE: Okay.
- [SCORE FADES OUT]
CLAIRE: Susan told me about this place.
She said it's small, but very deep.
- [GENTLE SCORE]
- TIM: Sounds perfect.
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
[CLAIRE SIGHS GENTLY]
[LONG EXHALE]
Goodbye, Mother.
I only wish you well.
[DISTANT SPLASH]
[RELIEVED SIGH]
[RELIEVED EXHALE]
- [KEYBOARD CLICK]
- [KNOCKING AT DOOR]
- [SCORE FADES OUT]
- [KEYBOARD CLICK, BLEEP]
Tag?
Come on Tag, open up.
- [KEYBOARD CLICK, BLEEP]
- [MULTIPLE DINGS]
- [MECHANICAL CLICK, RATCHETING]
- [DOOR OPENING]
- [GENTLE SCORE]
- [DOOR HINGES CREAK]
- [DOOR CLOSES]
- So, hi.
You're taller than I pictured you.
Yeah, I get that a lot.
- [SUSAN LAUGHS THROUGH NOSE]
- Um, come in.
Something to drink? I've
got bottled water or
- Water.
- No, no. I'm good.
I'm good, thank you.
Oh! Here's the report
on that brick of yours.
- Uh, it's fairly specific, so
- [SCORE FADE OUT]
Thanks, Tag.
Oh, can I get your opinion on something?
- Sure.
- Yeah, um.
For the past six months I've
been trying to figure out
what kind of flooring to
put in. I go back and forth.
Some days I'm liking
the oat frosted oak plank
and other days I'm leaning
towards the dark maple.
Then again, I have
my tile days, as well.
I even flirted with
linoleum once but turns out
I had screwed up my meds.
Dark maple.
- Yeah?
- You have this massive space,
all this whiteness and light.
Dark maple will give it
richness and contrast.
Richness. Contrast.
- Damn, you're good. Thank you.
- [BOTH LAUGH]
Yeah. Listen, I won't
stay, it's just, um
Tag, what you said about
being a part of the team.
It was nice.
- [TENDER SCORE]
- It was true.
So, these came in today.
I order them for all of our employees.
Kind of incurably analog
and I think stuff like this matters.
Whether you are in the office
or not, you are one of us.
Tag Guinness. The Answer Guy.
Roman/Ireland Real Estate.
I remember when I got
my first business cards.
It was so emotional.
And I thought
somebody thinks enough of me
to put it on 14-point cardstock.
Mm, it mattered.
It matters.
Well, anyway, have a good night.
- Thank you, Susan.
- You're welcome.
And I'll see you, uh [SUCKS TEETH]
You know, up on the screen.
[SUCKS TEETH]
[FOOTSTEPS RECEDING]
- [LONG EXHALE]
- [DOOR OPENS]
(WHISPERS) Wow.
- [DOOR HINGES CREAKING]
- [CHUCKLES]
Wow.
- [QUIET LAUGH]
- [BUSINESS CARD SNAPS ONTO DESK]
[SOFT THUD INTO CHAIR]
[LONG CALMING EXHALE]
[KEYBOARD CLACKING]
- [SNIFF]
- [SCORE INTENSIFIES]
- [DRAMATIC BOOM]
- Susan Ireland. Rest in peace.
[SCORE INTENSIFIES, ABATES]
[DRAMATIC PERCUSSIVE SCORE]
Hi! You've reached Susan Ireland,
[VOICE MESSAGE DISTORTS]
♪
[HANDLE CLICKS]
[SCORE ABATES]
- [DOOR THUDS LOUDLY]
- [TAG GASPS]
[LOUD HEARTBEATS]
[GRATING DISCORDANT SCORE]
[LOUD HEARTBEATS]
[ELEVATOR DOORS SQUEAK OPEN]
[LOUD HEARTBEATS]
[ENGINE REVVING]
No, no, no, no, no.
Susan!
[ENGINE REVVING]
- Susan!
- [GRUNTS]
- SUSAN: Oh!
- [THUDS, CLATTERING]
[SCORE ABATES]
[SHARP EXHALES]
[SCORE INTENSIFIES]
[GRUNTS]
(WHISPER) What? [GASPING]
(SOBBING) No!
[SUSAN GASPS, BREATHES HARD]
It's going to be okay, Tag.
Your hair
Smells really nice.
[SOFT LAUGH]
[TENDER SCORE]
Oh, Tag. No.
[SOBS] No.
[SNIFFLES]
- [SCORE FADES OUT]
- [CLOSING CREDIT THEME]