Elsbeth (2024) s03e08 Episode Script

HANK: Bro, bro, bro.
Bro, wait. Hang on.
My hair looks crazy today.
COLE: Dude, it's a podcast.
HANK: Yeah, and thank God
'cause you look horrible.
- Okay, we got to start.
- (COLE LAUGHS)
Listen, today's a big show
because I'm ready to call it.
Someone take Coach W to the vet
and euthanize him.
He's lived a good life, but it's time.
COLE: Dude, you're calling it?
HANK: He's done,
and I don't say this lightly.
- COLE: Oh
- I mean, we are talking about
Coach Russell Willoughby.
- This man has how many NBA titles?
- COLE: Lot of NBA titles.
- That's true. Yeah.
- HANK: Yeah. A legend.
And if my dude had just stayed retired,
that'd be the end of it.
But at age 106,
he decides to coach college.
COLE: He's 74, but continue.
HANK: I'm like, okay, interesting.
St. Ivan's has sucked lately.
Maybe he builds the program
back into what it was.
- Boy, was that a bad bet.
- COLE: Okay, hang on.
They've lost three games.
It takes years to rebuild, bro.
HANK: Dude, I'm not talking
about the record.
You know what I'm talking about.
Clearly, basketball is, like,
the last thing on
this man's mind right now.
COLE: I mean, you're acting
like we don't know exactly who to blame.
HANK: Dude, I feel like
if I mention her name,
she'll put a hex on my ding-dong.
- COLE: She's not Voldemort, man.
- HANK: She might be.
COLE: We're talking about
the biggest story
- in sports right now.
- HANK: Don't you say
- Don't say her name.
- COLE: Peyton Ramsey.
I said it.
HANK: Well, now she's gonna
hex your ding-dong.
- Mm.
- Good thing you never use it.
(LAUGHS) Hey, speaking of that,
today's podcast is brought
to you by Shape 'n' Scape.
Fellas, you know how bad it hurts
when you're using clippers down there
and you catch a bit of scro
(QUIET CHATTER)
Have you listened yet?
Hey, beautiful. Listened to what?
Mm.
We can't let these guys
keep talking about us like this.
You know my media policy, Pey.
Just tune it out,
focus on the fundamentals.
These guys have
millions of followers, okay?
And, by the way, they're still
quoting "inside sources,"
which means that your players
are still DMing them.
Ah, but I told you that
I don't know what "DMing" means.
- Anyway, listen.
- (LAUGHS)
- Pey, come on.
- (GROANS)
- Deep breath. Okay?
- (INHALES DEEPLY)
I will reiterate our media policy
at the next team practice.
- Thank you.
- Mm.
Also, I had some thoughts about
some of the guys' socials,
but I-I don't want to overstep.
No, no, no, no, no.
I think it's a great idea.
I'm sure that the guys would
appreciate your advice.
Thank you, babe.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Mm. Mm.
(SMOOCHING)
(LAUGHS)
- See you later.
- See you in a bit.
What Hey, Peyton.
You need to delete your X account.
I don't think I have one of those.
It's what they call Twitter now.
And your old profile still has posts
of 15-year-old Marcus, saying:
"Do you think they spell it 'boobs'
'cause the two O's look like boobs?"
(CHUCKLES)
- No.
- Oh.
"Just found out no school
'cause it's Yom Kippur.
Hope all you Jews out
partying and getting laid."
Yeah, what's wrong with that?
Yom Kippur is a day of atonement.
No offense, but why do you care?
Because I manage
Coach W's personal brand now.
So, if one of his players
posts something offensive,
then it's bad for his brand.
Now, if you don't want
to take my advice,
then maybe he rethinks
tomorrow's starting five
- and we go from there.
- (MAN CLEARS THROAT)
Hey, Dave.
Marcus, could you give us a minute?
- Okay.
- (PEYTON SIGHS)
I want to be very clear.
You need to stop what you're doing here.
- What? Why?
- No. Let's
Don't make a big thing
out of this, okay?
We both know that you're taking
advantage of Coach's
(EXHALES SHARPLY) affection for you
to adopt a role
that's completely inappropriate
to your age and your experience,
and that your presence here
has become a distraction.
You find me distracting?
Creep.
When I recruited Coach W to St. Ivan's,
it was the greatest moment of my career.
Or it should've been.
But you ruined it.
- You ruined him.
- Why?
Because I finally got him to do
something about his eyebrows?
You turned a legend into a sad,
pathetic loser.
Posing for selfies,
doing sandwich commercials.
You've single-handedly destroyed
a great man's legacy.
The best thing you could do
would be to lose his number.
But I can't make you do that,
so I'm doing the one thing I can do.
I'm banning you from the premises.
And what does Russell think about that?
If you really care about him,
you'll go quietly.
(LAUGHS)
Okay, okay.
Well, until you get the balls
to tell Russell that you think he's a
sorry, what was it again,
you called him?
right, a "sad, pathetic loser,"
I will be seeing you around, Dave.
Peyton, if he sticks with you,
he'll be gone before long, too.
So you tell me
if you think he'll choose you
over his career.
(CHUCKLING)
Fellas.
HANK: It's not just that she's hot.
Coach W is rich and famous.
There's hotter girls he could pull.
And they wouldn't try
to do his job for him, either.
Look, I think she's got
some kind of blackmail on him.
- I do.
- COLE: I'm telling you, dude.
She's a witch.
HANK: Oh, yeah,
she's definitely a witch, dude.
(CHUCKLES)
(SCRAPING)
Geez, you scared me.
PEYTON: Hi.
It's late. Why are you still awake?
Uh Couldn't sleep.
Just watching tape.
- (SIGHS)
- You okay?
We're good.
You do your job, and you let me do mine.
(CHUCKLES)
- (LAUGHING)
- I'm just saying,
if I were with some old, rich guy,
I don't think I'd be able to,
like, coach his team for him.
- She's kind of impressive.
- But, babe,
his team keeps losing.
Ooh, I think I'm gonna pee my pants.
Oh, we're seven blocks from the dorm.
No, I can't make it that far!
I'm gonna whiz!
Okay, okay, just go over there.
Where? In that alley?
No, thanks, not trying to get murdered.
Babe, do you want a UTI?
I'll keep lookout.
Wha Fine, okay.
- (LAUGHS)
- (GROANS)
(SCREAMS)
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
- Oh.
- Hey.
Elsbeth, watch where you're going.
Sorry, Captain, I was on my phone.
Oh. "Mayoral candidate's
mysterious redhead identified."
Uh-oh, someone finally named you?
Yeah, New York Confidential.
They do celebrity gossip.
I guess that makes you a celebrity?
Hardly. They spelled my name wrong.
- "Elspeth" with a "P."
- Yeah.
It's actually the more common variant.
Are any of them common?
Uh, just email them with a correction.
(CHUCKLING): Oh, no.
I wouldn't bother.
Besides, who cares, right?
Certainly not me.
Uh, this is Detective Taylor.
Just transferred from the 15th.
- This is closer to my kid's preschool.
- Cute.
- Detective Taylor, where are we?
- We've got a positive ID.
Dave Coppins.
He's the athletic director.
Cause of death was
blunt force trauma to the head.
- What's this about?
- Two St. Ivan's students
found a body on the street
- near campus last night.
- I'm headed there now, Captain.
Good, uh, the administration is gonna
want to wrap this up quick.
Ooh, sounds like an important
case for the NYPD to get right.
Maybe I should tag along?
- You like college sports?
- No, no.
But I had a roommate
who was on the softball team.
I think she stole my Wham! album.
(CLICKS TONGUE, INHALES SHARPLY)
We've probably got it handled.
Bring Elsbeth along, just in case.
Oh. You're Elsbeth.
With a B. Like Liza.
- What?
- Liza with a Z?
Sorry.
I played sports.
None of this was here in my day.
You went to St. Ivan's?
Class of 2012. Field hockey.
Cool.
We're very grateful to our donors.
Any working theories, Detective?
I'm still in shock.
It appears he died of severe
blunt force trauma to the head.
Body had signs of exposure,
frostbite, women's urine,
but we accounted for that last part.
- Frostbite?
- No wallet or phone.
Maybe a random mugging.
It's still early.
Ooh!
Is that, uh,
is that your school's mascot?
It is. The St. Ivan's Thing.
We call him Thingy.
- What is it?
- When they replaced the old mascot,
they let the student body
vote on the new one.
- Huh.
- (SIGHS)
Of course the students
turned it into a joke.
Well, what was the old mascot?
- You don't want to know.
- I really do.
Dave liked to lift weights after work.
- May we take a look?
- Sure thing, Detective.
(CHUCKLES): Ooh! Found it.
- Oh, no. That is not okay.
- (SCANNER BEEPS)
Dave usually worked out here late,
when he wouldn't be
in any of the players' way.
Our facilities are state-of-the-art.
I'll say. Ooh.
(GROANS) Stuff.
- Uh, excuse me.
- Oh, that's okay.
Interesting.
Ma'am,
you can't just take people's things.
Criminal justice.
That was my major when I was here.
Oh, cool. Mine, too.
You're Jason Roberts.
My wife and kid love you, by the way.
We have season tickets.
Nice, nice.
Who, uh, are you?
This is Detective Taylor with the NYPD.
Oh.
Dave Coppins was found
murdered on the street last night.
There's going to be an announcement.
- Detective, your associate.
- Murdered? (GASPS)
Uh, w-wait, do-do they know who did it?
Why? Do you?
Something I need to know?
Ma'am, excuse me.
Uh, we really prefer
you not touch the equipment.
Right, state-of-the-art.
Also, it's about to be evidence.
- Why? What do you mean?
- Detective, if I could j
- Who's that?
- TAYLOR: That's Coach Willoughby.
Oh. And that's his daughter?
- ALL: No.
- ELSBETH: Oh.
Oh
Uh, Detective, I found something
that you might want to see.
- Coach W.
- Who's asking?
Detective Nina Taylor. NYPD.
We found the body
of Dave Coppins murdered
about a block from here last night.
(LAUGHS)
- Karma.
- A man is dead, Ms. Ramsey.
(GASPS) You know my name.
I follow the team.
You loom pretty large these days.
(PANTING): Detective. Detective.
Ooh, I love your nail polish.
Is that chartreuse?
- No.
- Huh.
It sucks that he got killed,
but I'm not gonna act
like I'm gonna miss him.
I heard you two had a big fight
yesterday.
- You didn't tell me about that.
- ELSBETH: Detective
- Got an alibi?
- PEYTON: I do.
But my alibi is none of your business.
- Detective Oh! Wow.
- What?
You scared me. Um
- You need to see this.
- (SIGHS)
I found the victim's school ID badge
in this cubby
right here,
but if he left for the night,
why wouldn't he take this with him?
Unless he didn't leave for the night.
I don't follow.
Well, I remembered that
you told me he had frostbite,
which is strange because,
when I walked Gonzo last night,
it wasn't that cold.
It doesn't have to be that cold
if you're out for a long time.
- Can you get to the point?
- Oh. Yes.
Uh, this is an ice therapy bath.
Very cold.
And look at this.
What am I looking at?
Blood.
I mean, not much.
Maybe Dave was killed in the ice bath,
and then, when the killer
cleaned up the mess,
they missed a spot.
I mean, it's hard to see
against the school colors.
There are a lot of
heavy objects around here
you could use to kill someone.
Exactly.
Maybe the killer dressed the body,
and then moved it across the street
- to make it look like a robbery.
- Okay.
I'm calling this in so we can
process it as a crime scene,
and then I'm gonna
bring Peyton in for questioning.
Wait.
- Uh, the coach's young friend?
- Yeah.
She had a fight with the victim,
she's got no alibi,
and she has access to
the facilities for some reason.
But
how does such a tiny little woman
(GRUNTING)
move that big body all by herself?
I'm sure we'll figure it out.
Hmm.
All right, you want to tell me
what I'm looking at here, Lieutenant?
Those are the results
of the department's
internal cybersecurity stress test.
I wanted to give you a heads-up
because
they identified several weak spots,
including, well, you.
Excuse me?
All department employees
received an email
containing a link
to an unsecured website
duped to look
like the NYPD's login page.
Yeah, I remember this email.
Why won't they ever just
let us use an old password?
I don't know,
but it was a phishing test.
And you handed over your credentials
two minutes after the email went out.
Let me get this straight,
you played a trick on me?
Not a trick,
a cybersecurity stress test.
Well, it sounds
like police entrapment to me.
Sir, I recognize you have
some anxiety around technology
No, I have some anxiety around
whether or not my own people
are looking to make a fool of me.
Sir, departments have lost
millions of dollars
to ransomware hackers
using these methods.
You put the department at risk.
Oh, no, I didn't, because there were
no real hackers, there was just you.
All you need to do is pass a simple,
quick remedial retraining
Say "remedial" one more time
and find out what happens.
- Captain?
- Is she here?
This isn't over.
Several players overheard Dave say
you were banned from the facilities.
And yet you were back this morning,
almost like you knew
Dave wouldn't be a problem.
No, I did know that.
Because he didn't have the balls
to tell Russell how he felt.
We're sending a team
to your home with a warrant.
We're gonna comb through everything
your clothes, your shampoo.
If one spec of Dave's blood
turns up, you're done.
WAGNER: If there's anything
we should know,
you can save everyone a lot of trouble
if you tell us now.
- Or I could hire a lawyer.
- Huh?
Do you think I'm stupid?
If you're this dead set
on pinning this on me,
then I'm not talking
to either one of you guys.
And I want a lawyer.
I still don't understand
how someone as petite as Peyton
could've moved Dave's frozen body
all the way out to the street.
Did you see her manicure?
- Flawless.
- What does that have to do with it?
Well, don't you think she would
have at least chipped a nail?
Maybe she had an accomplice
or a good gel manicure.
WAGNER: Yeah, good point.
Have you looked into Coach Willoughby?
I'll check his alibi, but, eh.
He didn't know about
Peyton's fight with Dave.
She didn't tell him,
and neither did any
of the players who heard it.
- Plus (SIGHS)
- What?
He doesn't seem up to it.
I was excited
when they announced the hire,
but it's sad seeing him like this.
He should've stayed retired.
Seems a little harsh.
They've only played three games.
It's not his record,
it's the way he's letting
this woman embarrass him.
He looks ridiculous.
Trust me,
she's the one calling the shots.
Are you sure you're not letting
your fandom cloud your judgment?
Oh, come on. She's a nightmare.
- Exactly!
- What?
It's not how you would behave
if you needed to keep a low profile.
That's your defense?
She's acting too guilty?
Yes!
- Well put.
- Okay, Counselor.
If your girl didn't do it,
why doesn't she just tell us her alibi?
Good question. I don't know.
Well, if you want to clear
this woman, Elsbeth,
you need to find out what she was doing
the night of the murder.
Come with me.
Summerville.
Captain. Ms. Tascioni.
Elsbeth needs your help
chasing something down.
Of-of course, sir.
Uh, thank you for the opportunity.
I won't let you down.
Okay. Calm down.
What's a cybersecurity
retraining module?
SUMMERVILLE: Uh, it's
It's embarrassing.
- I failed the department phishing test.
- You?
But you're so youthful.
Oh, I love those phishing tests.
They're like a game,
they're like Wordle.
Only easier.
I mean, they haven't tricked me yet,
but it's fun to see
all the ways they try.
That night? I was in Coach's office.
We were watching some tape.
Great, that's exactly what he said.
- Mm.
- Hey, between us,
what do you make of his girlfriend?
Ooh, Peyton?
Uh I don't know.
I mean, it's kind of weird, I guess.
She's, like, super young
and he's, like, super old.
She must be a real distraction.
Not really.
I mean, the media makes it seem
like it's this big thing,
but, honestly,
she's given me some good tips
on monetizing my socials, yo.
Hmm. That's positive.
Yeah, and like, I was all
nervous when Coach got hired,
because he used to, like,
be famous for throwing balls at players
at practice and stuff.
Actually, he's been super chill.
So maybe he just needed to get laid.
- (CHUCKLES)
- Hey, is there, like, a reason
you're interviewing everybody
on the court?
Oh, no, honestly
this is just a real dream for me.
Oh, bro, in that case
let me put one up in your honor.
- Ah.
- Could we take a selfie?
- For my kid?
- Yeah, yo, got to give back.
- What up, kid?
- (CAMERA CLICKS)
ELSBETH: Ugh. I don't believe this.
What's that, ma'am?
Another website just spelled it wrong.
"Mysterious redhead" E-L-S-P-E-T-H.
They're just copy-pasting
the New York Confidential.
Is my son the last fact-checker
working in all of journalism?
Is that like a job
people used to have, or?
(PHONE CHIMES)
Oh, here we go.
- Is that your sports club?
- My fantasy league, yeah.
One of my guys might
actually have something.
Okay, here, pull up
this morning's episode
of The Steve Trey Show.
- Okay. What's that?
- Uh, sports radio guy.
Okay, he says, "Start
at two hours and 13 minutes."
The show is longer than two hours?
And people like that?
STEVE TREY: Well, if you're joining us,
it looks like Peyton Ramsey may not
just be an evil succubus.
She may also be a murderer, allegedly.
Uh, Big Lou from Queens,
you're on with Steve Trey.
Now, in your opinion,
did Peyton Ramsey murder
the St. Ivan's athletic director?
BIG LOU:
I'm gonna have to say no, Steve.
No? Oh, you're
in the minority here, Big Lou.
- Make your case.
- I drive a cab for a living,
and, last night, I swear to God
I took Peyton Ramsey
all the way out to Long Island.
No way she was anywhere near
that murder when it went down.
Lou, can you verify this?
Nah, she paid cash.
But I know it was her.
And may I say, that is a fine set of
Okay, that's enough.
Wow, if only it were always that easy.
Hmm.
So worth checking out, huh?
With all due respect to Big Lou,
it must have been a lookalike.
- Why?
- Just in from the lab.
They identified some smudges
found on Dave's tracksuit.
It was Elle-Meme's August Wind
shade of concealer.
Guess what shade of cover-up
we found at Peyton's house?
September Breeze?
We're bringing her in.
- What happened to your lawyer?
- He was an idiot.
And I didn't murder anyone,
so why would I pay
some overpriced lobotomite
for his crap advice?
Great, well, then you can explain to me
how your makeup was found
on the sweats Dave was wearing
- when they found his body.
- Doesn't feel like my job.
Maybe he brushed up on me that day.
I He was a creep.
The makeup was under his armpits,
like you had it on your hands
when you were lifting the body.
Well, then, someone is framing me.
I still don't think
this is enough to charge her.
The killer might just wear the
same shade of makeup as Peyton.
Elle-Meme makes over 150
specific shades of concealer.
That would be quite the coincidence.
- Where are we on that alibi?
- ELSBETH: Well, Captain.
We are not nowhere,
but we are also not somewhere.
- So that leaves you where?
- Exactly.
Let's hold her 24 hours. Elsbeth.
You're running out of time.
Even if Coach weren't all horned up,
he'd be struggling.
- Mm.
- I mean, college is a completely
different skill set from the pros.
- Yeah.
- It's all about recruiting.
And with all this NIL stuff
now going on.
- (GROANS)
- Right.
And that is all very interesting,
but again, the question that
I asked about 20 miles back,
how did you know
it was Peyton in your cab
the night of the murder?
Did you speak with her?
Oh, I tried, yeah. There we go.
'Cause if she's the one
really coaching the team,
then, boy, do I have
some advice for her.
Mm.
I mean, some of these offensive
sets that they're running,
way too much pick and roll.
You know, you can't expect
these young kids
to figure it out all by themselves.
- (CHUCKLES): Totally. Yes.
- Yeah.
And I really want to hear
more about that,
but when you said you tried
She said if I didn't
quit yapping, she wouldn't tip.
That does sound like her.
Yeah, 'cause it was her.
Anyway, what I would have told her is
that they got to go back
to the flex offense
that got them the championship in '90s.
- Absolutely.
- 'Cause when the '90s came around,
- it was a beautiful game, you know?
- If I could just
- Sure. There we go.
- And there we go.
And you said that she said
to drop her at this house?
That's the one. Yeah.
Do you need a ride back?
'Cause I can wait.
You know what, Lou?
I think I'll take the train.
Okay.
(TRUNK CLOSES)
Lieutenant.
You're looking at
the freshly minted graduate
of the NYPD's remedial cybersecurity
refresher training online module.
Congratulations, Captain.
I hope you'll take
these cybersecurity issues
more seriously going forward.
Mm-hmm.
Hmm.
Oh, no. No cash?
No, no, I've got some right
Well, consider this
a gesture of goodwill.
No worries about
the entrapment business.
It was an internal stress test
Never mind.
Thank you.
Hang on, Peg, someone's at my door.
- Hi.
- I said no-contact delivery.
You could just leave it on the doorstep.
(CHUCKLES): Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
Sorry. I'm Elsbeth Tascioni, with a B.
And I am with the police, uh, sort of.
What does "sort of" mean?
This woman says she's
with the police department.
She's dressed like a Sour Patch Kid.
I'm so sorry to bother you,
but do you know this woman?
Hang on, Peg.
No, never seen her.
Really? She didn't come
and visit you the other night?
Or someone who looks like her, maybe?
No. Listen, I got to go.
No, Peg, not you.
Um, so sorry.
Is there anyone else
who lives here, maybe?
No. Okay? Good luck.
Have a good day.
Thank you.
Rats.
Strange.
(BALL BOUNCING)
I know where you were
the night of the murder.
Cool. Me, too.
Do you think that if
I order sushi to the precinct,
they'll bring it back to me?
I don't, but I do think
that while someone was
murdering Dave Coppins,
you were meeting
with a potential recruit,
Oliver Ashford of John Adams
Junior High School.
Oof, that is one tall 14-year-old.
Is that where Oliver said I was?
He wouldn't give you up.
But, by the way, eighth grade
seems very premature
for college recruiting.
You don't think he's talking to
every program in the country right now?
Well, if everyone is doing it,
then why won't you tell the truth?
Because when I do it,
it's an international scandal.
Thank you.
Why do you think people react
so negatively to you?
It seems like
you're just trying to help.
People act like it's the age
difference between me and Russ,
but, really,
I just think they're miserable,
lonely, losers
who hate to see two people
who are actually happy.
Right.
Have you ever tried
approaching people in
a less conflict-forward manner?
And do what?
Act quirky and naive so people
find me less threatening?
I-Is that what you think I'm doing?
Maybe it's generational.
But I do think it's a little sad
that you feel like
you have to do all of that
to be taken seriously.
Me? I'm just not gonna apologize
for being direct.
And how's that working out for you?
You're not gonna get me to
tell you where I was that night.
Besides it being illegal,
it would ruin Russ's reputation.
No one would believe
that he didn't know,
and it would it would be
Tapegate all over again.
Tapegate? Uh, Big Lou
used that word, too.
What's Tapegate?
So, when Russ was coaching the NBA,
the visiting team found
a wiretap in their locker room.
It was the assistant coach,
and he swore that Russ didn't know.
But Russ's haters
just couldn't accept that.
You know, when you win
as much as Russ does,
people just want to take you down.
A bugging device.
Interesting.
Are you sure
I can't order the sushi?
Uh, no need.
You're, uh you're free to go.
- What?
- Yeah.
You might not want to admit it,
but I convinced them
you were in Long Island,
so they're not pressing charges
right now.
Feels like
you could've opened with that.
(SINGSONGY): Where are you going?
Are you gonna call someone
to tell them to let me out?
H-Hello?
Elsbeth. What's going on?
- What are we doing here?
- Shh.
Uh, remember?
We asked some of the players
to meet us here
to, you know, sign
some autographs for your son.
Right. I remember.
(WHISPERS):
Really? That would be amazing.
(WHISPERS): Oh, no, I'm improvising.
Okay. Mm.
What kind of autographs
are we looking for?
Well, uh, I'm not sure yet,
- but, um
- (SNAPS FINGERS)
we'll know them when we see them.
Well, will we be looking for
them long, do you anticipate?
Uh, hopefully
(WHISPERS): Ha.
Not long at all.
(MOUTHS)
(SIGHS)
You should wear the new bomber
I got you, babe.
Mm. Whatever you say.
I'm just glad that those police
have stopped harassing you.
Right? I mean, we've had
this rezzy for, like, months.
Yeah. But I don't understand
how they can keep holding you
without any evidence.
- I told you. It doesn't matter.
- Yeah, well.
PEYTON: You just focus on the job
and I'll do
- What are you doing?
- Oh. Uh, this?
I know. It's stupid.
Sorry, I just
When we were doing that photo shoot,
I thought that you were looking
at my age spots.
So I thought I'd borrow this
from you for a little while.
So you've been wearing
my concealer since when,
- since since last week?
- (GROANS SOFTLY)
Yeah, I know it's
it's vain.
I didn't think you'd mind.
It's cute.
Well, what can I tell you?
You make me do crazy things.
Why would he bug
his own players' locker room?
We're guessing he installed the
wire because he wanted to know
which players were talking about
him and Peyton to the media.
He could've listened
to the tapes late that night
and heard Dave insulting him.
Big Lou told me all
about Coach's old rage issues.
- Who's Big Lou?
- Don't ask.
Maybe he saw Dave
in that ice bath and,
oh, he got so angry.
Just one problem.
Coach was watching tape all evening
with one of his players.
Xavier Dunlap. The kid confirmed it.
Sounds like we have to go back
and kick the tires on this alibi.
- On it.
- Will do.
(SNAPS FINGERS)
Oh, no. Did you lose something,
Lieutenant?
What? No.
Hey, Elsbeth with a "B."
Nice hustle.
Coach?
Coach.
That that police lawyer?
(PANTING)
Coach. Whoa.
Oh, my gosh.
- Let me handle her.
- Whew, I'm winded. Um
You two are very fast walkers.
Yes. Well, we have places to be.
Right. I'm sorry.
Um, I'm just, um, following up on
Oh, by the way,
do either of you know
any good orthopedists?
'Cause my knees are, um Sorry.
Uh, following up on Dave's murder.
Uh, don't worry.
I know both of your alibis.
Oh, by the way, Coach,
I've been watching
a bit of game tape myself.
It is so exciting.
(CHUCKLES) Squeak, squeak, squeak.
(IMITATES BALL BOUNCING)
(INHALES SHARPLY) Foop.
(IMITATES CROWD ROARING)
Swish. (CHUCKLES)
All that stuff.
What game were you
and Xavier looking at?
No, no. Russell watches so much tape.
- Like, you can't po
- It's okay.
I was looking at a cut-up
of last week's practice.
So, if that's all you need to know,
- I got a lot to do.
- Oh. Right. I'm sorry.
Good luck, Coach!
(SCANNER BEEPING)
What are you doing here, Elsbeth?
Well, in the interest of being direct,
I'm wondering how much you trust
your boyfriend's alibi.
No.
Mm-mm. "Husband" now.
(GASPS)
Sweet Leo.
What a rock.
When did this happen?
We got the idea at dinner last night,
and we just couldn't let it go.
- Oh.
- What better way to silence the haters?
- We just got back from city hall.
- Congratulations.
That's so romantic.
And it must be such a relief
to have that financial security
in case anything should
happen to him.
I don't know what you're implying.
And as much
as I would love to stand here
and answer all
of your invasive questions,
that would be violating
my spousal privilege.
Actually, spousal privilege
only applies in court testimony.
But I guess you fired your lawyer.
- (CHUCKLES)
- (DOOR CLOSES)
Ms. Tascioni.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- I'm afraid I have to ask you to leave.
- Pardon me?
You're harassing team personnel.
And, frankly,
you're becoming a distraction.
Ooh, never a good sign
when they call us that.
So unless you have a warrant
Did Coach send you out here?
Consider yourself unwelcome
- in these facilities going forward.
- Oh.
Okay.
Oh. Sorry.
(IMITATES BALL BOUNCING)
And swish.
Oh. Thank you, sir.
(MOUTHS)
(ELEVATOR DINGS)
(PHONE BUZZES)
Hello?
MAN: Hi. Is this Steven Connor?
Yes.
This is a courtesy call,
as we may have detected
some fraud on your account.
- Okay.
- I'd love to just run through
a few unusual purchases with you
if you have a moment.
Did you purchase a bachelorette sash
and tiara set for $56.17?
What? No.
Okay, looks like
there may have been a breach.
Let's run through a few more
purchases to make sure.
A phallus-shaped pool floatie
for $86.05.
Phallus-shaped
No. Definitely not.
I am so sorry to hear that.
May I ask, do you have your
physical card on your person?
Well, no.
I can't actually find my wallet,
- so someone must have
- Lieutenant.
You left it unattended
on the conference room table
after the department-wide.
I kept meaning to return it.
And yet it slipped your mind?
Well, you know, Lieutenant,
protocol requires us
to report a missing badge.
I know.
But I was sure it would turn up,
and it-it's just so much paperwork.
Oh. Yeah, it's kind of like, uh
uh, the remedial NYPD
cybersecurity refresher training
online module.
You didn't actually buy
a phallus-shaped pool floatie
- on my card, did you?
- No.
That would be fraud.
WAGNER: I trust you'll take
these security matters
a bit more seriously going forward.
Dude, where you been? You're super late.
I was at the police station.
What?
What's going on?
Nothing.
Come on, man. I'm your captain.
(SIGHS)
Bro, the other day,
Coach asked me to say
that we were watching tape
together when Dave died.
He asked you to lie?
Yeah.
He said he was doing
some recruiting stuff
and he didn't want them to know.
But the cops, like, figured out we lied,
and now they think
it was either him or me.
For real?
Then, dude, you just got
to tell them where you were.
I did. But I fell asleep in the
players' lounge playing Xbox,
and I got nobody to vouch for that.
I'm freaking out.
Okay. All right. When I talked to them,
they were thinking that it was Peyton.
Apparently she had an alibi.
Really? Because I thought they
had, like, forensic evidence
or something.
Okay. All right. When I talked to them,
they were thinking that it was Peyton.
XAVIER: Apparently she had an alibi.
JASON: Really? Because I thought they
had, like, forensic evidence
- or something.
- Yeah.
Apparently they found
her makeup on Dave's body,
'cause they were asking if,
like, I framed her.
JASON: How would you know what kind
of makeup Peyton wears?
XAVIER: Right? Like, maybe look
at the guy who lives with her.
JASON: Wow. Do you really think
that Coach could've killed Dave?
XAVIER: Maybe he framed Peyton
'cause he's too afraid
to break up with her.
Before we go out there,
I want to say something.
Been a hard week, hmm?
We lost Dave Coppins.
I know that tragedy is hanging over you.
It's, um
It's hanging over me.
So,
no one would blink
if you guys went out there today
and played like crap.
But you know what we don't do
here at St. Ivan's?
We don't let adversity deflate us.
'Cause we stay in the game.
So you guys want to go out there
and shove all those expectations
in their damn faces?
- (CHEERING)
- Come on.
You guys have done the work.
Now I want to see you all go out
and play the game
the way I know you can.
As Dave would want you to.
So get out there
and win this game.
For Dave. All right?
Come on! Let's go!
(CHEERING)
(WHISTLING)
(CHATTERING)
(SIGHS)
ELSBETH: Whoop.
I always wondered what kind of
visibility these mascots have.
But turns out you can see
pretty much everything.
You cannot be in here.
Yes, I know.
However, Thingy can go wherever he
She?
Thingy can go wherever Thingy wants.
And did Thingy just witness
you planting evidence?
Yep.
(PEYTON PANTING)
Babe, where
Oh, boy.
(DEEP VOICE): Let's turn to the replay!
(GRUNTING)
Shall we?
Tune out the noise.
(NORMAL VOICE):
That was your philosophy.
But when Peyton said
that your own players were
talking about you to the media,
you had to know which ones.
So you bugged your own locker room.
And to think I defended you
all through Tapegate.
Late one night,
you, uh, listened
to the day's recordings and (GROANS)
you heard something you didn't like.
You heard Dave confronting Peyton.
But, more important,
you heard all the stuff that
no one would say to your face.
And, oh,
that pissed you off.
(GRUNTS) It triggered
your old rage issues.
(GRUNTING)
You'd been lifting weights.
Getting fit for your lady.
So when you threw something at
Dave that night in the ice bath,
you didn't know your own strength.
You killed him.
You have no way of knowing this.
We know you tried to frame one
of your own players just now.
Not cool, Coach.
You mind if you show us your hands?
Well, sure. I'm not wearing any makeup,
but nice try.
Oh, no.
I just need to put handcuffs on 'em.
(SIGHS)
(HANDCUFFS CLICKING)
You know what they say.
It's not the crime.
It's the cover-up.
Hey. Thanks for the help.
All I did was ask a good friend
a few questions.
Well, when you're done playing ball
and looking for a job
in criminal justice,
give me a call.
(ELSBETH SIGHS)
I guess St. Ivan's needs a new coach.
There's always next season.
Well,
not for all of us.
I was wrong about you.
You're plenty confrontational
when you need to be.
Sorry about all this.
No.
You're not.
You should lean into that.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Officer.
Good work helping Elsbeth on this one.
And, uh
thanks again for the help
on that cyber course.
Of course, sir. It's
just a fraction of the things
- I learn from you every day.
- (CHUCKLES)
You'll give me a heads-up
if I ever turn into that old guy
that no one wants to tell
when to move on?
Not if I'm in an ice bath, I won't.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
Fair enough.
(CHUCKLES)
(EXHALES)
WOMAN: You've reached the tip line
of New York Confidential.
- Give us the tea.
- (BEEPS)
It's Els-beth.
E-L-S-B-E-T-H.
Have some integrity.
Taking a page from
Peyton Ramsey's playbook, I see.
I don't know why it bothered me so much.
Oh, no one likes losing control
of their narrative.
And media companies aren't always kind
to women connected to powerful men.
- Even men like Alec Bloom.
- Mm.
Yeah. I really like Alec.
I'm just not so sure I'm cut out
for mayoral politics.
I'm not like Peyton.
Uh, I don't know.
Yeah, she made a real Cinderella run,
but I'm not sure we'll be hearing much
from Mrs. Russell Willoughby anymore.
My guest this week is the
founder of Paramour Cosmetics,
which recently sold to Elle-Meme
for an eye-popping nine figures.
Peyton Ramsey, welcome to the podcast.
Thank you for having me, Ava.
Now, you developed
your patented concealer formula
after the police accused you of a murder
that was actually committed
by your ex-husband?
I've always loved makeup.
But being wrongfully accused
really showed me
that there's a gap in the market
for high-end smudge-free products.
You have such a genius
for viral marketing.
And part of that is leveraging
your own personal story.
So forgive me, but I have to ask.
The rumors about you
and Senator Lindsey Graham.
I've read those rumors, too, Ava.
But I choose not to dignify
people's gossip with a response.
I try and stay focused on the business.