Gilligan's Island (1964) s03e08 Episode Script

1
Just sit right back,
and you'll hear a tale ♪
a tale of a fateful trip ♪
that started from this tropic port ♪
aboard this tiny ship ♪
the mate was a mighty sailin' man ♪
the skipper brave and sure ♪
5 passengers set sail that day
for a 3-hour tour ♪
a 3-hour tour ♪
[thunder]
The weather started getting rough ♪
the tiny ship was tossed ♪
if not for the courage
of the fearless crew ♪
the minnow would be lost,
the minnow would be lost ♪
the ship's aground
on the shore of this ♪
uncharted desert isle ♪
with gilligan ♪
the skipper, too ♪
the millionaire and his wife ♪
the movie star ♪
the professor and Mary Ann ♪
here on gilligan's isle ♪
Gilligan!
Gilligan!
Gilligan!
Where in the world
gilligan, where are you?
Why didn't you answer
me when I called?
Too tired.
Gilligan, you've gotta cut out this laundry.
Doing everybody's laundry
is just too much work.
But I promised them.
But you're overdoing it.
Gilligan, you do a lot of other things
around here, too, you know.
I mean, you've gotta
learn how to pace yourself.
You're gonna get old before your time.
Now, gilligan, sleep is very important.
You've gotta get some sleep.
But not when I'm talking.
I'm just beat.
Oh, alright, hit the sack,
and we'll talk about it tomorrow.
Gotta remember now, let's see.
No bleach for the professor's pillow,
and there's no bluing
for Mr. Howell's dinner jacket,
and wash Mary Ann, starch ginger
Starch ginger?
Oh, it's 5:00. I gotta quit sleeping so late.
Oh, excuse me, sir.
I didn't mean to wash your face.
That's my face.
Skipper?
Skipper, my hair, it's
turned white, it's turned white!
It's all white.
White hair?
I don't believe it.
I don't believe it.
I believe it, it's me.
Well, of course it's you.
Who were you expecting, snow white?
What am I gonna do?
What am I gonna do?
Oh, gilligan, maybe it's
just a temporary thing.
Yeah, if I kill myself right now.
You really let a little white hair
upset you, don't you?
No, a little white hair doesn't upset me,
but a lot of white hair?
It upsets me! It upsets me!
Calm down, now.
We'll go see the professor.
That's a good idea.
Yeah, certainly, he'll tell us
exactly what happened.
I haven't the slightest
idea what happened.
See, the professor doesn't
even know what happened.
But, professor, don't you have any idea?
Well, a man's hair turning white
could be caused by lots of things.
Name one.
Well, for instance, uh,
have you had a bad fright recently?
Yeah, when I got up this morning,
I saw my hair had turned white.
Gilligan, he means before
your hair turned white.
Gilligan, would you like
a little sage advice?
I don't need any sage advice.
What I need is some sage help.
Sage help! Sage help!
Cut it out.
Gilligan, why don't you
just go on about your business
as though nothing had happened.
You mean, go down to the
lagoon and do the laundry?
Why certainly, why not?
Well, what are the girls gonna say
when they see my hair turned white?
Gilligan, white hair is
simply hair of another color.
Well, I like brown better.
Well, you'll get used to
the white soon enough,
and I'm sure the girls will
hardly notice the change.
Are you sure?
Of course I'm sure.
There is nothing shocking
about white hair.
White hair?!
Aaah!
Ginger: Gilligan?
Mary Ann
Oh, ohh!
Professor!
Oh
Tell me the truth, professor.
I can take it now.
What's wrong with my little buddy?
Well, I was telling you
the truth before. Now
but the truth, the real truth.
But I've told you the real truth.
No holds barred, the
truth, the whole truth,
and nothing but the truth.
Now blurt it out.
He's suffering from follicular albinism.
Oh, I knew it.
I knew it.
What does that mean?
It means he has white hair.
You mean it?
Then there's nothing wrong?
Well, I'm virtually certain.
Of course, there's always
one chance in 100 million
that gilligan has contracted
some rare tropical disease
which is causing the
deterioration of his entire system.
Yes, w-w-would you mind
telling me that in English?
Well, most people age normally,
you know, minute by minute,
but there is a disease
which causes some
people to age overnight.
You mean, he could be
an old man of 60?
Well, not an old man of 60.
More likely, a very old man of 98.
Believe me, you
overheard the wrong thing.
That disease is one
chance in 100 million times.
You've got a little white hair, and that
will you stop that?
It's the only pleasure left an old man.
And stop referring to
yourself as an old man.
98 ain't what you call a spring chicken.
[Laughs]
For the last time, gilligan,
you don't have the disease,
and you're not an old man.
Heh?
I said you're not an old man.
Speak up, Sonny.
Anything else?
Yeah. When I wake up,
I'd like to have all my
friends around me, Sonny.
Will you stop calling me Sonny?
Run along, young man.
All this gabbing wears a body out.
Oh, I give up.
Don't know what the world's coming to.
Young 'uns got no respect
for the old folks.
I'm sorry I was so late,
but I had to try and find the professor.
What is this all about?
Well, I don't know, Mr. Howell,
but gilligan asked me
to gather you all together.
Well, does he still think
he turned old overnight?
Yes, he does.
Maybe he wants to have a party
for all those birthdays he missed.
Whatever it is, Mrs. Howell,
we've got to humor him.
Right, I know I wouldn't be very happy
if I woke up one morning
and found I was eligible for medicare.
There's no doubt about it.
Gilligan's had a bad time,
and we must humor him.
That's right. Now, follow me.
[Clears throat]
Oh, I'm sorry, my children,
but my mind wanders now and then.
I gathered everybody together, pop
that is, gilligan.
Well, I won't bore you
with an old man's company.
I'll get right to the point.
I've gathered you all to
have you hear my will.
Your will?
Don't be ridiculous.
You're not even dead yet.
Shh, we must humor him.
To ginger and Mary Ann,
I leave all my jewelry.
Here, grab it. It's heavy.
Oh, your Manny moose watch.
His antlers tell the time.
His high school graduation ring
From girls' high?
Well, some mothers keep
their boys in curls too long.
I'll treasure it always.
To Mr. and Mrs. Howell,
who have everything,
I leave them something
of great sentimental value.
Your money?
No, no.
My comic books.
We'll have them leather bound.
To the skipper,
I leave my laundry business,
the bleach, and one unclaimed sock.
Thanks, gilligan.
It will always remind me of you.
Gee, it's starched!
And to the professor, I
leave him my last possession,
my body.
I mean, this is ridiculous, gilligan
You've gone too far.
Please, please, my will is final.
Don't break an old man's heart
by fighting over his legacy.
Oh!
You all can go,
but don't forget to write.
I'll be right here
at the senior citizens home.
Mary Ann, we've gotta do something
to snap gilligan out of it.
I wonder if the professor
could give him a transfusion.
A transfusion?
Maybe he has tired blood.
Well, we've got to convince him
that he's still in the springtime of his life.
Ginger, that's it.
Springtime. Spring.
When a young man's fancy
what are you talking about?
A cure for gilligan's old age complex.
What is it that makes a man feel young?
It's love.
I've known it from the first.
Every time I look at you,
my heart goes pitter-patter.
No, that's the Manny moose wristwatch
I gave you, ticking.
It's you.
Oh, you make me feel young and alive.
You know why?
Because I remind you of your father?
No, silly.
It's because you're
young and alive, like me.
Don't you feel anything
surging in your blood?
Oh, I do, I do!
I think my arteries are hardening.
The Gabor sisters struck out.
What a shame.
Gilligan is just too young to be old.
Can't you think of anything, professor?
I'm sorry, skipper, I
I've thought of something.
Oh, of all people.
Well, what is it, Mrs. Howell?
Well, some women,
when their hair turns gray,
dye it another color.
I think I think you've
got something there.
Uh, naturally, I never
have to dye my hair.
But, uh, the women who
do feel much younger.
It might work, that is, if
he doesn't know about it.
I can get the ingredients
from vegetable coloring
for a good brown hair dye.
Great. Now, we'll wait until later tonight,
when gilligan's asleep.
Then Mrs. Howell can apply it to his hair.
When he wakes up in the
morning with brown hair,
he'll feel like a new man.
A new young man.
Oh, I sure hope so,
'cause if he says to me once more,
"look both ways before you
cross the street, Sonny," I'll
Pardon me, professor,
but it does kind of get me right there.
[Snoring]
Gilligan?
Little buddy?
Are you awake?
[Whispering] Come on in.
He's fast asleep.
Are you sure he won't wake up?
He's exhausted.
Please, let's get on with it.
Hat off.
Brown dye.
Brush.
Curlers ready?
Curlers? That won't be necessary.
[Gilligan snoring]
Gilligan?
Gilligan, little buddy, wake up!
It's a mite early, isn't it?
So what?
I have a hunch it's going
to be a beautiful day.
Well, might as well take advantage
of the few days I got left.
That's right. You go over
and take a look in that mirror,
and I think you'll see
a new man standing there.
You know, there may have been
some changes during the night.
Excuse me, Sonny. I didn't
Skipper, I'm bald.
[Whimpers]
You're acting very childish.
Now, why are you
hiding under that blanket?
There's nothing to be
ashamed of because you're bald.
[Grunts] What?
Well, you might at least take
the blanket away from your face
so I can hear what you're saying.
I said, "yes, there is."
What there is?
I'm ashamed of myself. I feel naked.
Take that blanket off your head.
Skipper, does it hurt much
to kill yourself?
Gilligan, I don't ever
want to hear those words
come out of your mouth again.
Do you understand that? That's an order.
Yes, sir.
Now, really, gilligan.
There's a lot of nice-looking
fellas in the world that are bald.
Name one.
Well, there's yul brynner.
Name another.
It well
There's just a lot of fellas.
I just look funny, skipper.
I sure do look funny.
Gilligan, I've got an idea.
Just stay right there.
Now, what do you see in the mirror?
A blanket.
Take the blanket off.
And what do you see in there?
Blue-eyed billiard ball.
Well, the rest of us see something else.
We see a very pleasant smile,
a nice personality,
and lots of boyish charm.
Yeah. I guess maybe I do
have some boyish charm.
Well, you're loaded with it.
Yeah. Hair is only skin deep.
That's right, gilligan.
Now, look.
You wear your hat
the way you always do,
and nobody will even notice.
Yeah.
Look good, huh?
Yes.
Mary Ann: Gilligan!
Would you mind
aah! You're bald!
Oh!
Skipper!
They noticed! They noticed!
Give it one more try, huh?
No. Forget it.
Oh, come on, gilligan.
It's just Mrs. Howell and
the professor out there.
If they faint, I'll be
too tired to catch them.
They won't even notice.
Oh, they won't even notice, huh?
I'm positive.
Now, remember, Mrs. Howell:
No fainting,
no funny looks, no remarks.
If you can't trust yourself,
why, just turn away.
Ok.
Hi, Mrs. Howell. Hi, professor.
Hello, gilligan.
Gilligan.
Nice day, isn't it?
Beautiful.
Oh, lovely, yes, lovely day.
You look very pretty, Mrs. Howell.
Oh, thank you, gilligan.
How very nice of you to notice.
How do you think I look?
Oh, dashing, dear, absolutely dashing.
Ok, professor, uh, you notice
anything different about me?
Hmm, nothing special, gilligan.
I'm bald!
Oh, really? I never noticed.
How come?
It's not every day you see a bald gilligan.
Oh, the sun must've been in my eyes.
Yeah. It bounced off
my head and blinded you.
Now, gilligan, don't get excited.
What do you say we all go
and have some breakfast?
Oh, that's a lovely idea.
I'll have a hard-bald egg.
Ooh, I mean boiled egg.
That does it. That does it.
They wouldn't even notice, huh?
Hmm.
It's from him, alright.
What does he say?
"Dear skipper,
"I am going away
so nobody has to look at me.
"I am funny-looking even to me.
Only I don't laugh because
to me it's not funny."
Aw, the poor fellow.
Wait a minute, professor. There's more.
"Don't bother looking for me
"because I'm hiding in the
place you'd never think of looking:
"In the secret cave
near the 2 palm trees
and the pimento bush."
Pimento bush?
I think he means palmetto.
I don't care what he means.
We got to get him out of that cave.
Skipper, this is all my fault.
That brown dye I made
must've caused his hair to fall out.
Come on, professor.
You can't take all the blame.
I mean, we all agreed
it was the thing to do.
Well, to get him out of that cave
there must be a reasonable,
logical, sensible approach we can use.
Well, if there is, it won't work on gilligan.
Well, if you won't come out,
can I come in?
Oh, alright.
Well, what do you want, ginger?
Well, gilligan
I, uh, I cut off some of my own hair
to make this for you. It's a wig.
Ginger, you shouldn't have done that.
Oh, well. I thought that if it looked good,
then you wouldn't have to
wear your hat all the time.
Try it on.
Ok, but you got to shut your eyes first.
Oh. Ok.
How does it look?
Ugh.
What's wrong?
I look like your sister.
My sister happens to be
a very beautiful girl.
Yeah, but I'm a boy!
I already tried a wig,
Mary Ann. It's no use.
This is different.
It's kind of a hat with hair on it.
It is? Yes.
And the least you could do is look at it.
Ok. Let me see. Hey, that's pretty neat.
You might be the first guy
ever to wear coconut hair.
Here, try it on.
Ok. Close your eyes.
Oh. They're closed.
Yeah.
You'll probably be
the most popular man on the island.
I think I already am.
[Knock knock knock]
What's that?
A woodpecker?
Maybe it's a coconut-pecker.
Face it, I can't sleep!
My poor little buddy,
out in that damp cave
all alone.
Oh
Bald
Oh, boy, it must be terrible to be bald.
That's what I'll do.
I go out and talk some sense
into that bald head of his.
Bald!
I'm completely bald!
Oh, skipper, you shouldn't
have done that for me.
I didn't do it for you, you
dumbbell! My hair fell out!
Well, don't worry, it's
not so bad being bald.
Not if you're an eagle.
A man can be nice-looking without hair.
Look at yul brynner.
Yeah, well, look at us.
We look like 2/3 of a pawn shop sign.
You said people
wouldn't notice baldness.
You said it wouldn't be so bad.
Well, it wasn't so bad before,
but now it's much worse.
Why?
Because it happened to me!
Professor, what are you doing here?
Well, I've come to bring both of you back.
Oh, no. Gilligan and I
are staying right here.
Just the 2 of us. Unless
everybody's going bald.
That's right. We don't want
anybody feeling sorry for us.
Aha. This has nothing to do
with pity. We need you.
Do you realize
that between the two of you,
you do most of the work on this island?
Lighting signal fires, keeping watch
Gathering food
Why, without you two,
the rest of us are terribly handicapped.
I never thought of that.
But look at us.
Our heads look like
a couple of cantaloupes.
Well, what I have in these
boxes will take care of that.
Oh, you got my hairs, forget it.
I never want to see them
again. They're deserters.
Wigs!
Oh, no. I already tried wigs.
I'd rather be bald.
But these are special wigs.
They belong to the howells.
They're custom-made.
They wore them to a masquerade party
when they came as Martha
and George Washington.
Oh, great. And you
want us to wear them.
Here I am hiding because I am bald,
and you want me to look
like Martha Washington!
George looked like Martha,
and it didn't bother him.
Oh, come on, skipper.
What do you say?
Well, alright, professor, we'll give it a try.
Me, too.
Wonderful! We'll expect you back
in time for dinner.
Uh, wait a minute, gilligan!
Give me that.
But, skipper
I'll be George.
You be Martha Washington.
You're right. George was taller.
Now, remember,
don't make a fuss about the wigs.
We've got to make them feel at ease
if we want them to stay.
Here they come!
Hello.
Nice to see you again, Martha.
Very funny, Mr. Howell.
I'm George, and she's Martha.
That is He's marth
oh, I'm the skipper, and that's gilligan!
Well, gentlemen, it's
nice to have you back.
As a matter of fact, it's
nice to be back, professor.
Right, gilligan?
Yes, ma'am.
Gilligan!
Yes, sir.
Uh, would you mind passing the salt?
Right, Mr. Howell.
Skipper, it's not polite
to turn your back on people.
Face the table.
I am facing the table, gilligan.
It's just my hair that's turned around.
Oh, that reminds me of a funny story.
Oh, tell it, ginger. We
could use a bit of humor.
Well, it happened in San Francisco.
There was this convention
of bald-headed men.
[Clunk]
Whoops.
Hadn't we better eat our
soup before it gets cold?
You're so very right, Mary Ann.
I think enough humor's been interjected
into this conversation.
Think that's funny, do you, gilligan?
Well, let me show
you something funnier.
Uh-huh?
Ha! Ha!
Uh, thurston, my my napkin.
Uh, oh, yes, yes.
Yes, of course, my dear.
Oh, thurston! Your trousers!
Uh, gilligan, these are the
trousers I gave you to wash.
I'm gonna sue him
for indecent exposure!
Mr. Howell, I think you've
solved the entire problem!
What, air conditioning?
No, no, no.
The skipper's hair and gilligan's hair.
What are you talking about, professor?
Well, Mr. Howell's trousers were burned
by the same crude bleach
that gilligan was using.
And you mean that same bleach
is what made gilligan's hair fall out?
Exactly! And when you took
over the laundry, your hair fell out.
Then you mean we're
not gonna be bald forever?
Believe me, skipper,
nature will soon return
what gilligan's laundry
business took away.
Uh-oh.
I never saw such behavior!
And he didn't even ask to be excused.
Oh, really!
Oh, gilligan,
it's much too hot for a blanket.
It won't be in a few minutes.
I used an awful lot
of bleach on your dress.
Oh, no.
Oh, yes.
Oh, my!
And I've been telling you both
for weeks and weeks now
that the sodium hypochlorite
content of the bleach
was of such vast proportions
that the mere vapor in the laundry area
saturated the scalp follicles.
Would you mind explaining
that again, professor?
Never mind, gilligan.
He's been repeating it long enough.
They're here for a long, long time ♪
they'll have to make the best of things ♪
it's an uphill climb ♪
the first mate and his skipper, too ♪
will do their very best ♪
to make the others comfortable ♪
in their tropic island nest ♪
no phone No lights
no motorcars, not a single luxury ♪
like Robinson crusoe ♪
it's primitive as can be ♪
so join us here each week, my friends ♪
you're sure to get a smile ♪
from 7 stranded castaways ♪
here on gilligan's isle ♪