The Comeback (2005) s03e08 Episode Script

There, can you feel it growing?
Oh, it's definitely growing.
Yeah, double "ontand."
This is a lot like that movie Ghost.
It is. Yeah.
Except without the sexual undertones.
Right. No sexual undertones.
Should I use one finger
or two for the opening?
Two is always better.
Sorry.
Oh, Mark, it's the best part.
Oh, it's Greg calling again.
You know, he texted earlier.
Why? What does he want?
Uh, okay, pause.
Here.
Okay, answer it.
Hello?
Well, that's interesting.
Alright, man.
You guys finally playing golf?
Lunch.
And I quote,
"I don't like how that all went down."
Wants you to be a part of it?
- Yeah.
- Oh! Look at that.
Oh, Mark, that's so great. Marky Mark!
Now, I can give you those places I found
to get that tattoo removed.
Ha! Okay.
- Can we finish my show? Yeah.
- What? Yeah, yeah.
Thanks for watching How's That?!
You can also enjoy How's That?!
Wow, Val, you look great.
That's not me. I didn't shoot that.
I didn't say that. That's not my suit.
You said my name?
- Okay, rewind.
And while you're at it, Mark,
Oh! My name's on the account.
So, is this like an AI thing?
It's TV our way, your way. How's That?!
Yeah, I got scanned at the Digital Dome.
That must have been what that was for.
That's okay. Yeah.
Just wanna use me as a spokesperson.
Did you get paid extra for this?
Don't know. Docusigned it.
Did my arms move funny?
Not that I could tell. Well, I'm going in.
Okay. I'm gonna stay up a little.
Val?
- Hm?
- The show was good.
- Aw.
- So don't stay up all night
looking at your phone to see
what other people thought.
Okay, no, I don't do that anymore.
Alright? I've learned my lesson.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- Mark, I looked!
- Val!
Oh, I know. Ugh!
No, you gotta take my phone.
Don't give it back tonight.
What's with all this
online bullshit about our show?
Alright, PDP, stop.
You can't pay attention to any of it.
No. You can't, okay?
'Cause haters gonna hate,
hate, hate, hate.
Shake it off, shake it off.
That's my Taylor Swift.
- You know.
- My boyfriend loved the show.
- Aw.
- Yeah, I think people
are still mad about the AI stuff.
Well, not all the hate is about AI.
"The sheriff walks too slow.
Did he have a stroke?"
No, I did not.
That's my character walk!
- Yeah, it is!
- Okay, you know what?
Feels bad. Can't let it in.
When I did Seeing Red,
that was around the time
when regular people online
started thinking
their opinions mattered, right?
And I read all of it, okay?
Read a bad thing, had to stay online
till I found a good thing.
Bad thing, "She can't act."
Good thing, "Yeah, she's old,
but I'd still do her."
Okay? And do you know what I got?
Really depressed?
I got this.
No way!
- Val!
- Shit!
Right? Thought we might
need a little inspiration today.
'Cause when it comes to other
don't listen to Emmy of them!
Right?
Isn't that cute?
Thought of that in the car.
I need a picture with it.
Of course you do!
Yeah. Come on over. Everybody, step up.
Ha-ha! We'll do it. Okay, ready?
- Ready.
- Hi, hi!
- Getting a picture.
Oh, sorry.
Looks good.
Okay, yeah, that's it.
So, there's a Zoom call
for all of you from NuNet.
We'll start rehearsals right after.
- Thanks, Bev.
- Do you think this Zoom
is about the ratings?
At least when we had the overnights,
I knew whether to be nervous or not.
Well, yeah, you know.
Remember, we're a new show, okay?
We're number one on NuNet.
- We are? We're number one?
- Where did you see that?
On NuNet.
Number one of all their shows.
Could just be spin.
All the new networks cook the books.
Brandon's five minutes behind.
Okay, yeah, Brandon.
Guys, that's the head of NuNet, okay?
So, this is it, right?
He's picking us up for a season two.
What else could it be?
"Goodbye and thank you."
Jesus Christ, Frank!
Can you have any joy, ever?
- Are we ready to go?
- Okay, you have Brandon.
Thank you, Abby.
Hey, everybody. Hey.
- Hi.
- Sorry to keep you waiting.
We have a big morning here.
We thought the first episode
would do big numbers
because of the AI press
and the hater hoopla, so we aired
the first two episodes back-to-back
to see what the drop-off would be.
And you guys retained 70, 72.
72% stayed.
And we couldn't be more pleased with that,
because that means that
72% of the audience
accept an AI-written show,
and they like you all enough
- to hang around.
- Okay.
And see some more.
So, with that in mind,
Season two? You want a season two?
Yes, we would like to do a season two.
- Yeah!
- Oh, gosh!
- Thank you!
- That's fantastic!
How's that? And Valerie,
at the end of the week,
I'm gonna do a little press victory lap
to announce season two.
And as executive producer
and star of this new hit show,
I'd like to invite you to join me.
Are you available?
Try to stop me!
Well, great. Thank you.
That's great. Congrats, everybody.
- Aw, thank you.
- Well done.
- Thank you.
- Oh, okay, he's gone.
- Oh, God.
Well, we got a season two!
We did it! We did it!
You did this for us, Valerie. You did.
- Yes. Yes.
- No, it was all of us.
- Val, Val!
- Val!
- No.
- Val! Val! Val! Val! Val!
Val! Val! Val! Val! Val!
Val! Val! Val! Val! Val!
Val! Val!
Oh, shit!
- Shit!
- What happened?
- Oh, it bounced off the table.
- Oh!
Okay.
- Oh, fuck!
Why was I pounding the stupid
fucking table like that?
Thank you, yeah. That's okay.
Oh, my God, I'm such an asshole.
- No.
- I'm such an asshole!
This is what happens when I feel joy.
Oh, my God, Val, I'm so, so sorry.
- I broke your Emmy.
- No, it's okay.
- Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
- I wish I was dead. I wish I was dead.
- No, come here.
- No, no, no, no, come here.
- I should be dead
- Hey!
Look at me, look at me, look at me, okay?
- I'm sorry.
- Alright? Now, it broke.
- It's fine, okay?
It's just a talisman.
Okay? And it served its purpose.
The night I won that,
my husband and I got back together.
Okay? We both showed up
for a dear friend in the hospital.
And it taught me what's really important.
And that's relationships.
I found someone who can fix it.
Someone can fix it?!
Okay, it's getting fixed!
- Yay.
But, you know, I was ready to let it go,
and that's what's important.
So, yeah.
- Any collab news from Nivea?
- Nope.
- Not yet.
- Valerie.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Dylan Lars from Jack Stevens Productions.
- Oh.
- Jack saw your show
and wants to say hi.
Jack Stevens wants to say hi to me?
Okay. When?
- Get in.
- Oh, now?
He wants to say hi right now?
Well, my husband and I are
having dinner with old friends.
Won't be long.
His office is just around the way,
and I'll bring you right back.
- Who's Jack Stevens?
- "Who's Jack Stevens?"
Okay, she's not from our planet.
TV legend!
Right now, he has that hit show
about the woman doctor
who runs an emergency room.
It's called She-R.
Patience knows. Yeah. Yeah, okay.
- It's right through here.
- Okay, thank you.
There she is.
Valerie!
Hey!
Jack Stevens. Thanks for coming.
This is Ben Morrow and Matt Wright.
Whoa, you know my name?
Well, I know all your names.
How could I not?
The Mount Rushmore of television writers.
Well, in that case,
he's the one whose face
is falling and needs repairs.
I'm kidding.
He's just so handsome, I'm threatened.
Alright, Matt.
No cover, no drink minimum.
It's just a meeting.
- Come in, please. Sit.
- Hi. Hi.
- We all wanted to meet you.
- Hi.
So, congratulations
- on your show.
Congratulations on She-R.
Yeah, no, as soon as I have time,
it's the top of my must-watch list.
Yeah? What about our shows?
Oh, wait, you don't have a show.
Oh, I don't have a show
because I end mine
before I run them into the ground.
Hey-o!
So, Valerie, we need your help.
Sure, yeah. What can I do you for?
We hear NuNet's
holding a press conference
about your show, and assume
they want you to be there.
- They do, yeah.
- Oh, my God, he was right.
This guy writes
conspiracy theory shows all day.
He says they're gonna have you there
as the human face of AI.
I was like, no way.
speak out on behalf of writers.
Oh, okay.
It's not that kinda thing.
It's just announcing a season two.
- Oh, congrats.
- Yeah, thanks.
It's a victory lap for How's That?!
We think it's not so much a victory lap
as a funeral for writing.
NuNet will be the first network
that's actually admitting
that it's using AI.
And now, it looks like
there's an audience,
which, by the way,
I think is due to your performance.
Oh, thank you.
Sure, but if they go out
with that messaging,
it signals that no shows need writers.
If they get away with it on your show,
the next show doesn't get a writer,
the next show doesn't get a writer.
If the message is your show works.
You're talking to three men who have hired
hundreds of writers for our many shows.
And, honestly, I don't know
how we have any shows.
This guy has no talent.
This guy?
This guy's just a male model,
and I'm an asshole.
Actually, that part's true.
Jack's really talented.
- Well.
- I can't even get catalog work.
I don't think you have
anything to worry about,
you know, just 'cause AI
can't replace writers altogether,
it just can't.
All of our scripts need help,
and I've been telling anyone
who will listen over there
that we need a real writer, you know?
- That's very admirable.
- Yeah.
- Well.
Now, we just need you to say that
in front of the press.
We're just there to say
that people watched the show,
and then what?
I get up and say,
"But they shouldn't have!"
You know?
I don't think you'd like it
if the actors on your shows
said, "Oh, you liked our show?
Well, you shouldn't have.
"And, you know, here's why,
and here's some other things
that you don't even know about."
So, yeah, I don't think
you would like that. Would you?
Well, no, we wouldn't,
because we're people
and we work really hard.
But, I mean, your show's different.
Your writer's a machine
who plagiarizes other writers' scripts
in a nanosecond
without thoughts or feelings.
But what isn't different is,
you know, we've got about 200 people
on our show, working hard,
and if I do what you're asking,
I'm helping take away their jobs.
- I hear you.
- Yeah.
Yeah. No, good on you.
You're looking out for others.
We want to do what's right here.
Well, so what, you think
that if I go out there and say,
"Stop using AI,"
then all the other studios
who are making their own AI shows
are gonna say,
"Hey, did you hear Valerie Cherish
said don't use AI, so we better stop"?
You know?
You must think a lot of me.
I just don't think, you know,
people care that much what actors say,
you know, unless it's an election.
I think if you guys
That would mean a lot.
You're the big three.
- Well, we did.
- Yeah, we did.
- We did.
- Yeah.
During the strike, we said that
over and over again.
But you're the new plot point.
You have hands-on experience.
Look, Valerie, we need you to tell people
that it doesn't work.
'Cause if you don't say anything,
hundreds of writers won't get work.
If you do say something, you know,
10, maybe, what, 20 writers will.
I can tell you wanna go.
- Oh.
I hear you. We came in hot.
But he's the hottest, right?
In spite of Matt here, this is no joke.
This is not the normal TV evolution.
Network to cable, cable to streaming,
streaming to AI.
It's not.
This is an extinction event.
My little show means
the end of everything?
Just think about it, alright?
but, you know, say it
however you want to say it.
You don't have to use our words.
Okay, well, that's the first time
Alright, and, you know,
honestly, I heard every word.
- I really have.
- Yeah.
So, yeah, I am gonna think about it.
I have to, you know,
just see how it feels,
- you know, in the moment?
- Yeah.
- Sure.
- Thank you for your time.
- Well, thank you.
- That's the door to my bathroom.
Got all turned around.
- Nice to meet all of you.
- Yeah, nice meeting you.
- Yeah.
- You're very cool.
Now I'm gonna watch your show.
Oh, you didn't even see it?
Not yet.
I like the junkie show that you did.
- Oh, Seeing Red.
- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah.
- That was something.
Yeah. Hey, think about what we said, okay?
Yeah.
Future of television
depends on what you do.
Uh-huh.
Yeah, thank you.
- Alright, well, goodbye.
- Thanks.
- Yeah.
- You're the best.
Oh. Yeah.
They're saying the same thing
Jane was saying,
except instead of saving all humanity,
it's just writers.
Just save the writers.
Well, they think you can stop AI,
so now these guys are interested in you.
They've had, like, every big show
for the last 20 years, and not one of them
has ever cast you in anything, ever.
- Okay, got it. Got it.
- So now, they want a favor,
so now they're all acting all buddy-buddy.
But before today,
they didn't know you were alive.
Well, listen, thanks
for that sweet reminder.
If you could have done
a Jack Stevens show back then,
you probably wouldn't have
had to do The Comeback.
Okay, you're saying that like
The Comeback was a bad thing.
If I hadn't done The Comeback,
I wouldn't have met Paulie G.
- Exactly my point.
- And let me finish.
And if I hadn't met Paulie G.,
I wouldn't have done Seeing Red.
Right, right, and if you
hadn't done Seeing Red,
we probably wouldn't have had
all that trouble between us.
Okay, so what,
now you wanna blame Paulie G.
for our separation?
Well, it's either him or you and me,
so let's choose him.
Okay but, you know, all that trouble
brought us to a better place, right?
We're closer now than ever.
- That is true.
- That is true.
Say what you will about The Comeback,
but that was the beginning of reality TV,
and I was there first.
Just like I'm first with an AI show.
Yeah, well, that's like saying,
"I was the first one
to eat an arm in the Donner Party."
Alright, I didn't see that movie.
I don't know what that means.
Okay, so the Emmy is fixed.
- Oh!
- Yeah, and you can pick it up
any time after noon, tomorrow.
Okay.
Oh, and I heard back from Nivea.
They'd be interested in doing a collab.
They're interested in doing a collab?
Jane, did you hear that?
Gonna be doing a collab with Nivea.
Mm, great. Get me some free shit.
Ha-ha! Will do.
Surprise!
- Oh!
- Special guest star.
Here for your last show!
Tommy, yeah. Oh, but you know what?
It's not our last show.
They picked us up for a season two.
Congratulations!
Twenty-three episodes?
- No, eight.
- Well, that's something.
Val. You wanted to talk to me?
Two days ago.
Was it about the season two pickup?
- Congrats to us, huh?
- Uh-huh.
I love your ensemble.
In my day, men couldn't even
wear ChapStick.
- True.
- I should get out there.
I brought a friend.
She sometimes forgets where she is.
- Oh, okay.
- And her name.
Yeah.
I bet you've been going crazy
trying to figure out
- why I haven't been in touch.
- Insane.
I have been offered the Marc Jacobs
Fashion Show in New York.
Oh, Billy!
And it's all because I dared to show up
on that step and repeat as Star Billy.
So, thanks to you.
You're gonna be in
the Marc Jacobs Fashion show!
I'm gonna be in the audience.
They promised second row.
Wow. Second row.
- Right behind first.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- And I have to go a few days early,
so I won't be at that
press conference tomorrow.
Oh. Okay.
You have to go early to sit.
Well, I'm wearing Marc Jacobs,
so they need to fit me.
- Oh, they're dressing you!
- Yeah.
And because I'm paying for it,
I'm also invited
to this "night before"
reception for special clients.
Okay, well, then worth it.
- Yeah.
- Yeah. Oh.
- And Val?
- Mm-hmm?
- I wanna be totally transparent with you.
- Uh-huh.
I have no idea where
this fashion show is gonna lead me.
What does that mean?
Well, I could be asked to sit in London.
Sit in Paris.
You could be asked to sit anywhere.
And I need to be available to do that.
Got it. Yeah, no,
you have to be available to sit.
do I still have a manager?
No.
to manage me.
Aw. Wow. Big breakthrough.
Yeah, okay.
Well, then, I guess this is our last show.
This is our last show.
Yeah. Aw.
Jane, did you get that?
Aw.
Touching. Teared up.
Jane? Yeah, we have cameras
on Patience now, right? Yeah.
- I mean, yeah.
- Okay. Patience?
You have done an amazing job
with my social media, and Nivea.
So, in light of very recent events,
how would you like to be my new manager?
Okay.
Got that then? Yeah.
- Places for intros, guys.
- Okay.
- Gotta head out.
- Here he is.
Frank Flynn!
You loved her on I'm It!
You loved her on Room and Bored.
You loved her on The Comeback.
You loved her on The Traitors.
You loved her on Seeing Red.
You loved her on Mrs. Hatt.
- Finally.
- The star of NuNet's number-one show,
Valerie Cherish!
Yeah! Love you, Valerie!
The cast of How's That?!
Places, everyone!
- Oh, Val!
- Oh!
You didn't have to come over
and say hi to me.
Oh! I was saying hi to my husband,
but thanks for the great hug, doll.
- Band's back together.
- I know. Ah.
Greg and Stephanie, those front row seats
sure are happy to have you
sitting in them.
- Break a leg, Miss Cherish!
- Aw.
Where the heck is that
nasty smell coming from?
It smells real close.
I'm gonna go find Beth,
and a clothespin for my nose.
You know, it could be the basement.
This dang floorboard's popped up again.
- Mike said you needed to nail something?
- Number two!
He nailed something
real good this morning.
Can you get me a hammer to bang it down?
I'll go tell my brother.
Mark does the heavy labor.
I'm Mike, the smart one.
If he's the smart one, I'm the thin one.
Any of you seen Mike or Mark?
Wowza, something stinks.
It's like my clamming boots took a dump.
Okay, I found the smell.
It was in the lost and found.
Is that funny?
No, it is not.
Cut! Going again?
- New line, Val?
- Oh, I sure hope so.
I know what stinks. It's these jokes!
You see how they're still
working on the show?
Jack Stevens is here.
- Why is Jack Stevens here?
Do you have the jokes alt list? Yeah.
This isn't a good episode for me.
I just wish that Jack Stevens
was here last week
when I got my finger stuck in the faucet.
- Uh-huh, yeah.
- That was hilarious.
- Yeah.
- Damn, it went away.
- Okay.
- What is happening
- with this thing?
- Now what?
Yo, Val? We got a problem.
Yeah, I know. The iPad is glitching.
No, it's not glitching.
It's the Allassist is down.
There's no more AI tonight
because we hit the paywall.
Paywall? What are you talking about?
What am I talking about?
Basically, the studio budgets
a certain amount of money per day
for all their AI projects, combined.
And there's a movie filming
an AI jungle scene.
So, they hit the cap.
No more AI for us.
Oh, no.
No, no, because we need it.
We need joke alts, alright?
We're bombing in front of Jack Stevens.
Listen, Evan, I heard you tell Paulie G.
that you had wanted to be a writer.
Well, now's the time.
Oh, no, I actually,
I don't want to be a writer anymore.
It's just, there's no future in it.
Well, I beg to differ.
Look what's happening right now.
Eventually, they're gonna
figure out all those glitches,
- and this won't happen.
space wars?
And someone shoots the satellites
out of the sky, in space?
Who's gonna write the sitcoms then?
Well, I'll tell you who. You are. You are!
You're gonna give those people laughs
when they need 'em the most
during troubled times, right?
What about our audience?
Don't they deserve to laugh?
Okay, I got it. You come in, you say,
"Boy, it smells bad in here. How's that?!"
Oh.
Yeah, I already have three HT's
in the episode.
- Yeah.
- Rule of fours.
Evan, please.
on what you do right now.
Get started again, thank you.
Okay, from PDP. And, action!
It's like my clamming boots took a dump.
Well, I found a rotten sandwich
in Boone's desk drawer.
Thank God. I thought that smell was me.
And we cut! Moving on!
And we are moving on!
- Who wants some candy?
- Bravo!
Oh. Surprise!
- Wow, wow, wow.
- Welcome to sitcoms!
No, no, no, it's welcome back to sitcoms.
I started out as a staff writer
on NewsRadio.
- You did comedy, too?
- Yeah.
When I walked in here
and I felt that live taping energy,
I almost threw up. It's so hard!
- Yeah.
- And the only thing that dies on She-R
- are patients, not jokes.
- Oh.
Ha! Funny.
Well, I was taking a break
while we're setting up
for a myocardial rupture
over on our stage.
So, I thought I'd walk over
and see what all the excitement was.
- Oh, another kind of rupture.
- Excuse me, Val.
Oh, yeah, go, go.
I don't want to keep you.
Okay.
Is that Sharon Case?
Oh, yeah. She casts the show.
- She cast my first pilot.
- Aw.
Excuse me.
- See you around.
- Okay.
Peter David Prince!
Frank Flynn!
And the star of NuNet's
number-one show, How's That?!,
Valerie Cherish!
Thank you, Bev. Thank you.
And thank you.
You have been a wonderful audience.
And we had a bit of a bumpy night.
Some technical issues.
But thanks to someone on our staff,
really came to the rescue
with some funny new jokes.
Evan, our writer.
Anyway, okay, we'll see you next season.
Oops, that's a secret.
Not supposed to say that.
Alright, don't tell anyone.
You'll find out tomorrow, but shh.
Okay, thank you. Drive safe.
Good night, Marco.
Well, you saved the show.
That was so awesome.
I can't believe it.
Aw. Well, I can. Yeah. You know?
You wrote on a real show tonight.
- Yeah.
- So, we gotta make this legit.
You gotta join the WGA.
Cool!
Yeah, well, listen, you have a fun night.
- Okay?
- Thank you. Thank you.
Yeah.
Jane? Got Nivea and a new writer.
So, how's that?
Terry, can you get me an eight o'clock
at Mother Wolf this evening, please?
- Not 8:15.
- Down here? Got it.
- Thank you. Appreciate you.
- Okay.
- Hey, Valerie!
- Hi.
- Thank you so much for coming in.
- Aw.
- Thank you for inviting me.
- Of course, of course.
So, we're gonna go down
in a couple minutes.
- Okay.
- It's gonna be a few key reporters.
It's really, really casual.
Trying too hard, not a good look.
Oh, agreed!
Trying too hard, not a good look.
Yeah. Okay.
You want to say anything down there?
Me? No, no.
I don't want me to say anything.
Yeah, no.
Just here to support the show.
Do the victory lap, you know?
That's what I told
When did you see the big three?
Oh, no, well, they called me in, you know.
Jack Stevens, Ben Morrow,
Matt Wright, you know?
Wanted me to say something
about how the show needs writers.
- At this press conference?
- Yes.
That's why, yeah.
Yeah, but I told them
not what today's about.
- Right?
- Wow.
Yeah, 'cause, you know,
- Wow. Wow. Wow.
Wow. Wow. Oh, my God.
- Okay. Okay.
- Oh, wow, wow, wow.
you know you've got a team player, right?
- Yeah.
- Everybody just wants me dead.
Okay, so,
I shouldn't have mentioned it.
Ben Morrow, I just renewed his deal.
What more does he want?
I mean, these writers
and their fucking feelings.
- This isn't about emotions.
- Yeah.
It's about business, you know?
What the fuck?
Where the fuck is my fucking Nicorette?
I didn't invent technology, you know?
I didn't invent AI.
It's not my fault, big three.
You know what?
It's not just the big three,
it's everybody.
This fucking city wants
to paint me as the villain.
You should see the vicious
fucking comments
that they write about me.
They post it under every article,
every single fucking article that I read.
And now, they want me
to go out there again, do they?
Set myself up for more viciousness?
- Oh, my God.
- Okay.
Tell you what.
You can feel like this
for 30 more seconds, then back to you.
Okay?
Alright? You're not a villain.
You're not, no.
Look, all those mean comments,
that much anger and rage,
that's not about you. It's about them.
It is, so don't waste your time with it.
You've got a network to run.
And you are doing a wonderful job.
You are.
Thank you.
Just could really use a hug.
Oh, okay.
But this is an open-concept
- Right.
Yeah, right. It's inappropriate.
consider yourself hugged.
Yeah.
Self-care.
Hi, hi, hi, hi, guys.
Hi, hi, hi.
Let's all gather around.
- Alexis, how are you?
- Good to see you, Brandon.
Good to see you, too. Okay.
Let's talk about How's That?!,
our little show that's had
a lot of attention,
a lot of AI speculation.
So, let's get some facts
out there, shall we?
How's That?! is not an AI show.
The actors are human, the crew is human.
What How's That?! is,
is the first multi-camera half-hour sitcom
written with the use
of our Comspot-developed
AI writing program, Allassist.
And according to our
audience numbers, it works.
So, with that in mind,
I am delighted to announce,
right here and now,
that we are going to give How's That?!
a season two!
Well, how's that?!
But with all that said,
I really wanna make
something perfectly clear.
NuNet is not done with writers.
In fact, we want more writers.
We want to attract the auteurs
to come here and do the work,
the great work, the culture-defining work.
You need human writers to do that work.
And we can only afford these
important artistic endeavors
because the more lucrative,
cost-efficient shows
like How's That?! don't need genius.
AI's got the sitcoms, alright?
Easy-peasy. Okay. Right, so questions?
Just a couple. Alexis.
What's it like working with AI?
Oh, I'm not there day to day.
Valerie, what's it like?
Well, AI is a wonderful tool.
You know? Fast!
Right? You need a new joke,
and there are 52 choices in two seconds.
And then, sometimes
out of nowhere, no jokes.
You know? Like, just last night,
we hit a studio paywall,
and no AI, no new jokes,
in front of a live audience.
Right? Scary.
But luckily,
we have a talented young writer,
And a brand-new WGA member, by the way.
So, yeah, really saved the day.
So, go humans! Right?
Right.
Come in.
Ah, okay. Thank you.
Thanks, Valerie.
This won't take too much of your time.
give you this.
Uh-huh.
Oh! Uh-huh.
"Success" candle. Yeah, thank you.
You're welcome.
And about what just happened out there.
- Uh-huh?
- I felt ambushed.
You basically told the press
that AI doesn't work.
Oh, no, I don't think I said that.
I just said it doesn't work all the time.
Yeah, and then you said
that a massively expensive
AI writing program that Comspot
has been developing
for years and years and years and years
was basically saved by a baby writer.
Well, that's just the truth.
It was, you know?
Listen. As your executive producer,
you know, it's my job to let you know
what the show needs, right?
And for season two,
we're gonna need a real showrunner.
Well, you can't have a showrunner.
That's just not what we're doing here.
Well, okay, you can tell the press
and they don't need genius,
and that they're not important, you know?
But they have been culture-defining
when they're great, right?
And so, for season two,
we need a showrunner
so we can be great.
But we're not looking
for "great" here, Valerie.
We're looking for "good enough"
so that people
just leave it on when
they're doing whatever.
Mm.
Well, "good enough"
isn't good enough for me.
You felt ambushed? I feel betrayed.
You told me after the pilot
that I knew more about sitcoms
than you or anyone in your office.
Okay? And that wasn't true then,
but it is true now, alright?
And I think I might be the only person
who knows how to do an AI sitcom.
I killed myself this year
without a showrunner.
And now, you want me to do
the same thing next year?
- For just "good enough"?
- Okay.
- I hear you.
- Do you?
Yeah? You hear me?
- Yeah.
If this isn't working for you,
You don't have to do season two.
Well, what does that mean?
What are you gonna do,
cancel the show, or fire me?
Write Beth out?
We can't write Beth out.
She tested through the roof.
No, we'll use AI Valerie.
Look, I'm giving you
a choice here, Valerie.
I mean, I would love
if the real Valerie Cherish
did season two.
I mean, we built the show for her.
But if you can't do it,
I mean, I understand.
You're free.
You're free to take other opportunities,
and we use digital Valerie.
What, the one from the promo?
Her arms moved weird.
They don't anymore.
Well, it won't be as funny.
It's funny enough.
You can't replace me.
We can.
You gave us the rights.
At the Digital Dome
just before you were scanned.
What? Oh, the Docusign?
Yeah, that doesn't count.
Docusigns are legally binding.
Okay, well, then, okay,
I will see you in court.
What, Valerie, you're gonna sue Comspot
and all its hundreds
and hundreds of lawyers?
The court of public opinion.
AI still has bad branding.
People don't like it.
72% of people do.
Okay, well, then I take it back.
- You are a villain.
- No.
Valerie. Valerie, please.
Please understand.
My job is to move television forward.
That's my job.
- Yeah.
- I've got to look after myself.
I'm only human.
Yeah.
Good luck keeping your job.
Okay, I'm glad I at least said something.
Okay? 'Cause it's like that thing,
that saying, you know.
When they came for the writers,
you said, "Okay."
When they came for the actors,
you said, "Sure!"
there won't be anybody left to say,
"Okay, sure."
Yeah, well.
Oh.
Yeah, no, I don't want this Success.
Yeah.
That's a re-gift from me, by the way.
Yeah, and I'll call you tomorrow
to tell you my decision.
It's just wrong.
How can they be allowed
to replace me with me?
So don't do it.
We don't need the money.
If you don't feel happy about this,
don't do it.
Just don't do what, though, right?
- Just don't star in my own show?
- Yeah.
Just walk away from it?
It's all I've ever wanted, Mark.
That is comforting to hear.
Well, professionally, Marky Mark, right?
I mean, and if I did
walk away from it, then what?
- Just sit at home?
- No.
- You would not enjoy the pickleball.
- No.
I think we both know
what you're going to do.
I just hate that they win.
- Yeah.
- No other options.
You know, what am I gonna do?
Cut off my nose to fight my face?
- Jack Stevens?
- What, really?
- How'd he get your number?
- Well, he's Jack Stevens, Mark.
"I'm working on a new show.
"The lead is a woman
of a certain gravitas.
"I bet you thought
I was going to say 'age.'
Nope."
That's cute.
Should I be jealous?
"She's a funny, hard-working woman
"with a strong moral compass.
"And ever since the meeting in my office,
"I keep seeing you in the role.
Hope we can make this happen."
Okay, am I hallucinating?
Or do you see this, too?
I do.
Oh, Val, this is really cool.
Brandon said, he said,
"If you don't want to do season two,
you're free to take other work,"
and he'll just use AI me.
Oh, so now you're fine with the idea?
Well, you know what?
AI's here, Mark, can't deny it.
Alright? Gotta move forward.
Okay, AI Valerie can go do the AI show,
and human Valerie can go work
with a Emmy-winning actual writer
who got his start on a sitcom!
So, how's that?!
is really great, Val.
All's well that ends well, huh?
Look at you, quoting Shakespeare.
Oh, yeah? Is that who said that?
Yeah, I heard Diane
say that to Sam on Cheers.
- You ready, Jane?
- Yeah.
Yeah, okay.
Well, the show is called Judge's Table,
and I play Eleanor Judge,
gives up her legal career
to pursue her true passion
and become a chef.
- I am so proud of you.
- Aw.
- Finally.
- Finally?
Finally proud of me? Okay.
No, I meant finally, it all worked out.
What an evolution you've had.
Okay, what does that mean? Uh-oh!
- "Evolution."
- No. No.
I just mean the way
you stood up for yourself with NuNet,
the way you took this new job
and didn't look back.
I've watched you for 20 years, Valerie.
Twenty years in an industry
that offered you nothing but humiliation.
I don't know how you kept going.
Isn't that funny? I never felt that.
Humiliation? No, no.
No, well, listen, I felt when people
were mean to me or insulting, sure.
You know, but that
didn't serve me, you know,
'cause needed to get to where
I was going, you know?
So, but humiliation, no.
I think you have to agree
to be humiliated.
And I never signed up.
You know? Yeah.
I don't know, just did the best,
you know, with what I was given, right?
And isn't that what being
a human being is, though?
Right? You just make the best of things.
Otherwise, you're just left behind
and miserable all the time, you know?
Yeah.
I don't know, things aren't always
going to be the way you want, right?
Not always gonna get the perfect job.
Or whatever, you know?
But you have to make
the best of it, right?
You have to adapt.
Keep going.
I feel like I'm seeing you
for the first time.
Really?
Okay, maybe that's why
you haven't been able
to get this doc right.
You've been telling the wrong story.
Now tell the one about Valerie Cherish.
Okay, I've gotta go to that cooking class
for my new show.
Don't wanna get too good,
or I'll end up cooking dinner
for Mark forever after.
- Yeah, is that it?
- Yeah, I got it.
Okay, good.
Can you please sound more excited?
Jane, I'm gonna need you
to sound more excited.
It's a Comeback callback.
Good. Okay.
A "callback" is a sitcom writing term.
You know, when you call something back
that happened before,
you know, for a laugh.
So, okay. Yeah, that's good.
Anyway, thanks. Thanks, everyone.
Thanks, yeah. Sure was fun.
Bye, doll.