Happy Days (1974) s03e09 Episode Script

1
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪
Ready to race to you ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪Oh, baby ♪
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪
Rocking and rolling all week long ♪
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
Saturday, what a day ♪
Groovin' all week with you ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪
Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, baby ♪
These happy days ♪
Are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours ♪
And mine, Happy Days! ♪
Ooh, ooh, wah, ooh ♪
Happy Days is filmed before a live audience.
Yeah, Fonzie's free.
Oh, Fonz,
am I glad you're home. Hey, Cunningham.
Dig my wall, huh? Yeah, that's real cool.
Listen, Fonz. Yeah, you see this?
I'm putting all these pictures in the shape of a diamond
'cause all my chicks are gems.
Yeah, gems.
That's cool, Fonz, listen.
You see this chick? This is Norma.
Now, her picture used to be down here, but she's earned
a promotion if you know what I mean.
Yeah, yeah.
I get it, Fonz, listen And you see this chick here?
Now, she's got a lot of class, a lot of brains
She's a big time receptionist for Dr. Sadowsky, huh?
Hey.
"Would you please have a seat?"
Whoa! Fonz, please!
You see this chick over here, that's Maria.
Fonzie, will you shut up?
Fonzie shut up?
Fonzie shut up?!
No, why don't you just say,
"Fonzie, would you remove all my teeth?"
It's the same result.
I got something important to tell you.
There is nothing more important than my chicks.
The cops are looking for you.
That's more important than my chicks.
Thanks for telling me.
Officer Kirk was down at Arnold's.
He was asking a lot of questions.
Kirk? Yeah.
Kirk oh, yeah, I met him at the, uh, Policeman's Ball.
He's a lousy dancer, let me tell you.
Nothing to worry about.
No sweat.
Well, if it's no sweat, how come you're packing?
Hey, I'm not packing.
I'm just rearranging my life.
Well, it looks like packing to me, Fonz.
Hey, listen, I can't let the cops find me
till I find out what they want.
I'm just going to hang around town for a while.
Might take a few hours,
might take a few weeks.
Well, what should I tell my parents?
I mean, if you take off,
they're going to ask questions.
You know, that's right.
I mean, they've been cool, I can't just split on 'em.
All right, I'll tell you what.
I'm going to finish packing,
I'm going to come down and talk to 'em.
We'll tell 'em my, uh, my aunt got sick.
Always works, all right?
All right.
What's in the box, Fonz?
My engagement rings.
You give girls engagement rings?
Hey, don't be silly.
They give 'em to me.
Howard, what are you doing lurking
by the window?
Marion, turn off the lights.
Dad, if you and Mom want to be alone, I'll go upstairs.
Nobody move.
Maybe he'll think we've gone to bed.
Howard, there's a police car out there.
I know that, Marion, and I know who they're after.
They're after me.
Joanie, will you get upstairs? I'm going.
Why are they here?
Because of all those tickets I got
for parking in front of the hardware store.
Can children visit prisons?
Will you get upstairs?
You still haven't paid those parking tickets?
I refuse to, Marion.
Now, look, I am entitled to a yellow loading zone
in front of my hardware store.
I'm a taxpayer, I'm a model citizen,
and a leader in the community.
Is that why you're hiding here in the dark?
You, upstairs.
Oh, it's too late.
He's coming up the walk.
Howard.
You sure you aren't just jumping to conclusions?
They could be here just to sell tickets
to the Policeman's Ball
or maybe the alarm went off in your store again
or just anything.
Yeah, maybe you're right, Marion.
Thanks, sweetheart.
In times of crisis, I can always count on you
for a clear head.
Well, good evening, Officer.
Evening.
Don't tell me it's time for the Policeman's Ball again.
Or did my alarm go off at the hardware store?
No, Mr. Cunningham, I'm here about all your parking tickets.
A lot you know about life, Marion.
Oh, Officer, I just begged him to pay those tickets.
He has over a hundred upstairs.
M-Marion!
He had a ticket every day for four months.
Marion!
All right, knock it off!
Knock it off, Marion.
That's better.
Now, Cunningham,
we can take care of all those parking tickets of yours
and that loading zone you've been after
if you'll do us a favor.
We want Arthur Fonzarelli.
Oh, I should have known better.
What did he do?
Car 48, Officer Kirk, car 48.
I got to answer that radio.
Come on outside with me. Yeah.
They want Fonzie.
Cunningham!
Yes, sir, yes, sir.
The police are after Fonzie!
Run out and up the stairs
and tell him he'd better take it on the lam.
Oh, good, you're leaving.
Uh
F-Fonzie has a little bit of a problem.
Yeah, well, no, it's not exactly my problem.
See, uh, my aunt was hit by a bus.
Good.
What? What?
I mean it's good that you're going to go and see your aunt.
We'll call you when she's healed.
Take the shortcut out the back way.
Thanks for trying, Mrs. C.
All right, Kirk, you got me, huh?
How did I know it was the mayor's daughter?
What's he talking about?
I don't know and I don't want to know.
From here on in, you handle it.
Remember, you got a loading zone riding on this.
Yeah.
All right, now, let me ask a question.
Was my aunt hit or not?
I'll explain the whole thing to you.
Joanie, get upstairs.
I always have to go upstairs.
I miss everything.
Everything that happens in this house,
I have to hear in the streets.
I know up!
Look, you're not in trouble with the police,
but I would like to talk to you for a minute, huh?
Sure. Sit down.
Sit here? Yeah.
Uh, look, Fonzie,
I-I've made some arrangement with the police department.
You see, uh, as you probably know,
for some time now
I've been wanting to get a loading zone
in front of my hardware store.
So, uh, the police have promised
to do me a little favor and in return, I promised them
that you would do them a little favor.
What am I supposed to do?
You know, Fonzie, ever since you moved in here,
uh, we've all become pretty close.
Wouldn't you say that?
I mean, Mrs. C. Likes you and Richie idolizes you
and Joanie adores you and I'm looking forward
to spending Christmas with you and
Must be some little favor. Hey, listen,
after a speech like that, how can I refuse?
What do you want me to do, huh?
I want you to become a policeman.
Oh!
Are you all right? I'm all right, I'm all right.
Hey, Mr. C., no way.
And you blew Christmas.
No, no.
No, not, not exactly a policeman.
I'm not explaining this right.
Listen to me.
The problem is that your old gang
the Falcons Yeah?
Well, they're about to have a rumble with the Dragons.
There ain't no problem.
The Falcons will kill the Dragons.
Well, I think that's probably
what they're trying to avoid, Fonz.
Yeah, you see, the department thinks
you can talk them out of it,
that the Falcons will listen to you.
Hey, I can't talk to the Falcons.
I've been out of that gang for three years now.
Would that make any difference?
You're still their hero.
Yeah, that's true.
I mean,
they still talk about the time you rode your bike
through that electric fence. Yeah, huh?
Why did he do that?
Because he's got guts, Howard.
Look, what about it, Fonzie?
You know, I-I really need that loading zone.
Will you talk to the Falcons?
No.
No?!
But I promised them.
It's, it's such a little thing.
I mean, the whole thing will be over
before you even get a chance to get your uniform dirty.
Uniform?!
Are they out of their minds?
Let me tell you something.
Five minutes in a uniform can wipe out 20 years of cool.
But you've got to wear the uniform
in order to ride the police motorcycle.
Are you telling me I'd get one of those police motorcycles?
Sure.
See, this is your chance to do something good.
They need you.
It's, it's like coming to the rescue for the cavalry.
Hey, I don't like the cavalry, man, I like the Indians.
No, no, look, it's more like
one lone man coming in at the, at the last minute
and, and saving a whole town.
A man like uh, uh, uh, like, like Wyatt Earp
or, or, uh, Wild Bill Hickock.
Annie Oakley. Uh, Bat Masterson.
The Lone Ranger.
The Lone Ranger?
I loved that masked man.
His white horse and those silver bullets
and that cloud of dust and a mighty "Heigh-ho, Silver."
Hey!
The Lone Ranger rides again, huh?
Will you do it, Fonz?
Hey, you got it, Kemo Sabe.
Heigh-ho, Silver and away.
How do you like that?
The Lone Ranger is going to get me my loading zone.
And we didn't even get a chance to thank him.
Good morning, everybody.
I'll have breakfast in a minute.
No, just coffee, Marion, I'm late.
Thank you.
Joanie?
You get your coat, I'll drive you to school. Okay.
You look great, Fonz.
Yeah, you don't, you don't think I look dumb?
No, you don't, Arthur, you look very handsome.
Yeah, I don't want anybody laughing at me, you know.
Nobody is going to laugh.
Dear, look at Arthur.
All right, that's it.
No, no, no, Fonzie, you, you just don't understand.
You see, she's never seen you with a tie before.
She's funny that way; She, she likes to laugh at ties.
Look Joanie, laugh at my tie, huh?
It's not funny.
Oh, it's not, huh. Well, how about this?
Yeah.
Yeah, see, I told you so.
Come on, Joanie, I'll take you to school,
and we'll laugh at everybody who's wearing ties.
Man, does he indulge that kid, huh?
Are you going to set up that meeting
with the Falcons today, Fonz?
Oh, yeah, tonight at Arnold's.
You know, the cops want me to get the, uh, Falcons involved
in another kind of activity.
Would you like some cinnamon buns, officer?
Hey, thanks a lot.
You know, I was, I was thinking about softball,
something like that.
Yeah, it sounds like a good idea.
That's what they do in prison.
They set up these soft ball teams.
Of course they're all home games.
Home games.
Cunningham, I am on duty.
This is no time to be cutting up.
Oh, yeah. Sorry, Fonz.
Yeah
Hey, maybe you'd like to ask the Falcons
if they want to join the softball league I'm in.
Hey, that's not a bad idea.
I'll bring that up at the meeting, huh?
Marion? Marion, will you look at this.
Someone left us a summons because
the covers on our garbage cans were off.
Oh, yeah, just give me that, Mr. C.
Oh, you can take care of that, Fonzie?
Uh, no, I forgot to sign it.
Dream ♪
Dream, dream, dream ♪
Dream ♪
Dream, dream, dream ♪
When I want you in my arms ♪
When I want you ♪
Oh I tilted!
Whenever I want you, all I have to do is dream ♪
Hey, what's going on?
Paula Petralunga just played three games of pinball.
And I missed it!
It was a great moment in sports.
Of course.
I brought all my stuff.
What is this softball business about?
Oh, Richie wanted us to meet him here.
Something about our league.
Hey, look at the Fonz!
He looks like he joined the Air Force or something.
Hey, Fonz, you look like
you joined the Air Force or something.
Yeah? You want a B-52 up your nose?
You're not funny, Potsie.
Definitely not funny.
What does that say?
Anything you want it to.
It says Special Police. That's me.
Why did you join the cops, Fonz?
Hey, I didn't join them, they joined me, huh?
They couldn't handle a rumble,
so they called on the Fonz.
All right, Fonz to the rescue!
Just like Rin Tin Tin.
What?
I mean the cavalry.
The Lone Ranger. Yes, sir.
All right now, listen up, attention everybody.
Arnold's is now closed.
Leave orderly, huh?
No yelling, no pushing and no shoving.
Out, out, out, let's go!
Hey, hey, hey, don't move so fast.
That's a moving violation.
Don't you think his uniform looks dumb?
Yeah, but are you going to tell him that?
Hey, did the Falcons show up yet?
Not yet. Why?
What's the Falcons got to do with our softball team?
What are we doing?
We're going to help Fonz talk the Falcons
into playing softball instead of having a rumble.
Are you kidding?
That's a dumb idea.
I played with them once.
They slid into the pitcher.
It's a good idea, it'll work, believe me.
Hey, hey, here we are, fellas, in kiddie land!
How are you doing, Lefty?
Hey, what is this, a trap?
Hey, it's cool, Lefty.
Hey, hey, it's Fonzie.
Ain't it a little early for Halloween, Fonz?
Ain't it a little early for death, Lefty?
Yeah, yeah, sure, I was only kidding, no big deal.
You look like a cop, though.
Is there a law against looking like a cop?
I think there is.
So?
Hey, hey, hey, leave it to the Fonz to break the law, huh?
Now let's get down to business.
Hey, who are these nerds?
These are not nerds, they are my friends.
Yeah.
Shut up, nerd.
All right, let's get down to business.
Fonz, you hear?
We are going to kill the Dragons tomorrow night.
Yeah, so I'm told.
All right, that's the reason
I got this little get-together together.
Busting heads ain't the way.
It ain't?
No, it ain't.
Yeah, but they moved into Iggy's Drugstore.
That's our hangout.
A rumble's the only way we could get rid of them.
Why not challenge them to a softball game?
What is this, a bat boy's convention?
Hey, hey, hey, Richie, Richie.
Why don't we just cool it on the baseball right now, okay?
Yeah, sure, Fonz.
Drink your pop, you guys stay there, you come with me.
Now, I hear that the, uh, city tore down
the Dragon's hangout.
Hey, we can't help it if the city beat us to it.
Why don't you just put up with them
until they get a new one, huh?
Hey, need we remind you, Fonz,
that the battle for Iggy's
was fought three years ago by you?
And you won it for the Falcons?
Past history.
Yeah, but now they come in
and they get first grabs on everything.
No big deal.
Hey, but they even try to move in on our chicks!
Nothing there.
Here, Fonz, here.
There's enough chicks to go around for everybody.
Yeah, but they come in to Iggy's and-and
they take over, and they say, "Fonzie can sit on it."
They say, "Fonzie sit on it?"
Who wants to play shortstop?
With the Dragons around,
there's no room to park our bikes.
They say, "Fonzie sit on it?"
They challenged us!
We can't look chicken!
I thought I was playing shortstop.
Wait a minute!
They say, "Fonzie sit on it?"
Fonzie sit on it.
I say, let's tear the Dragons apart!
Wait a minute!
Wait a minute, try it my way first.
Hey, maybe the kid's right.
We could use these in a rumble, huh?
Hey, hey, hey, I can't believe this.
They say, "Fonzie sit on it?"
Fonzie sit on it!
Give me that bag.
But, Fonz, you were supposed to talk them
out of having the rumble.
Now they're going to wreck Iggy's Drugstore.
I did, I talked them out of it. You did?
Yeah, they're going to rumble at Arnold's.
Why should they wreck their own hangout?
So they're going to demolish Arnold's
while you sit here lifting weights.
Ha, ha, ha, ha.
Well, why don't you cut out the "uh, uh, uh, uh"
and put ten more pounds on each side for me, huh?
Fonz, you can't do this.
Hey, don't be silly,
I can lift twice as much as I got here.
Will you listen to me for a minute?
There is nothing to talk about.
We're dealing with the law of the jungle.
The frogs kill the flies,
the snakes kill the frogs,
and the Falcons kill the Dragons and that's it.
The Falcons are human beings, they're not animals.
You never ate with them, did you?
Fonz, the police think
that you're going to be down there handling this.
All you have to do is go down there and talk to them.
Offer a compromise solution or something.
Will you listen to me?
You know how hard it is to carry on
a conversation by yourself?
Okay.
Go ahead, Cunningham, tell me about your solution.
Well, Fonz, as long as you ask, uh,
the Falcons could have the hangout for the first,
first part of the week,
and the Dragons could have it
for the second part of the week.
Cunningham, that's a great idea.
It's ingenious!
Heyyyyyy.
All right, the show's over.
The Fonz is not to be made sport of.
It's a dumb idea, half weeks.
And I don't go "Hey-ey-ey-ey."
I go "Heyyy."
Well, the idea makes a lot of sense to me, Fonz.
Well, if it makes so much sense to you,
why don't you go down there and stop the rumble?
Me? Yeah.
The Lone Ranger had Tonto, you be my Tonto.
Well, I could, Fonz, but the police think that you're going
to be doing it; I mean, you're official.
Oh, yeah, I can't let you go down there
with little bats and balls without authority.
All right, come here.
There. There you go, huh?
You're official.
Yes, but it's your job, Fonz.
Hey, used to be, huh? I quit, I'm not a cop.
Certain things don't feel right on the Fonz.
Now if they feel right for you, you go and stop the rumble.
Well, I-I could do it, I mean, I, I'm not afraid.
Sure, listen, just, uh, take my belt and my hat.
They're on the table.
I'm not afraid.
Hey, that's right, take your plan, stop the rumble.
I will, Fonz, that's, that's, that's what I'm going to do,
I mean, uh I'm not afraid.
No.
I'm not. I'm not afraid.
That little guy doesn't know what he's getting himself into.
I shouldn't have let him go like that.
I can't get these barbells off my chest, I can't move!
Hey, uh, is anybody down there?
Anybody!
Help!
Oh, sometimes I surprise myself.
Cool it, do you mean to tell me
that the Falcons and the Dragons
are coming here for a rumble tonight
and that the three of you are going to stop them
from wrecking the place?
I'm not afraid.
I am. Me, too.
I'm calling the police.
They won't come.
They think Fonzie's handling it.
Then I'm calling a cab.
Don't get so worried!
I-I'm not afraid.
I've got an idea.
I'm coming through for you, Rich.
I once saw Burt Lancaster
stop a fight in "From Here to Eternity."
He broke a bottle on a bar
and threatened everybody with the jagged edge.
Hello, anybody home?
Hey, hey, we're ahead of the Dragons.
Tired of baseball?
Playing cops and robbers today, huh?
Hello there, Lefty.
Look, there's no reason for you to rumble tonight.
The Dragons sent word that they quit.
You guys win, so why don't you go on home?
You're way too tough for the Dragons.
I doubt that, punk!
Punk?
Hey, you guys actually showed up, huh?
Let's get started.
All right you guys, freeze!
Wait a minute!
Forget the freeze.
Way to go, Burt.
Hey, what's he doing?
Burt Lancaster.
Hey, we'll fight each other first,
and then whosever's left kills these guys, okay?
Why wait?
Yeah.
Why not warm up on their heads?
We're going to die!
I kept the whistle, Cunningham,
I like whistles.
Hey, hey! It's the Fonz!
You're dead now, Frankie.
Hey, no fair. That's five against four.
Hey, we'll give you Burt Lancaster.
Go get 'em, Ralph.
I wasn't afraid, Fonz.
Hey, I can dig that.
I'm sure you weren't.
Have a seat.
All right.
The rumble tonight is officially declared a tie.
The hangout will be shared
by both the Dragons and the Falcons.
Are you turning copper, Fonzarelli?
Hey It's not the uniform
It's the man in the uniform, and remember
the man in this uniform can break your face.
You tell him, Fonz!
I'm talking to you, too.
Now, the Dragons will have the hangout
the first part of the week,
and the Falcons get it the second part of the week.
See, my way is better, because the Falcons
get it for the weekend.
I ain't listening to no copper.
Yeah. You never did, Fonzie.
You guys are right, you guys are right.
All right.
This is the Fonz talking, all right?
And I repeat, the rumble
tonight is officially declared a tie.
Dig it?
Huh? Huh? It's a tie. It's a tie.
It's a tie. It's a tie.
It's a tie. Ties aren't bad. Ties are good.
All right, now. Hey, Ace!
Shake hands. Be friends. Shake hands.
Shake.
Shake.
All right. Now in celebration of this truce,
a round of sodas for everybody, huh?
Compliments of the Milwaukee Police Department.
Hey, Marsha!
Will you guys take that outside?
All right, Fonz.
All right!
Congratulations, Fonz.
Nice going. All right! Yeah, great.
Oh, Fonzie, thank you very much,
I'm really grateful that you stopped these rumbles.
Those Falcons are tough.
They just turned over my cab.
Hey, they're just trying to be cool, that's all.
Yeah, but you're still the coolest.
A toast!
To the Fonz.
Heyyy! Heyyy! Heyyy!
La-la-la ♪
La, la, la. La, la, la, la. ♪
Man, this was some night.
Fonz, you are the greatest.
Yeah, huh?
As usual.
I'll tell you something.
Now your daddy gets
his little loading zone.
Yeah. Thanks, Fonz.
It's all right.
Hey. Look at this place.
We got it to ourselves,
Let's get some girls over here and have a party!
Hey, hey, hey! Fine, we'll have a party!
Ho, ho, ho! Don't you guys have any respect
for, uh, private property?
This is not your private playground.
Come on. Get out of here.
Sorry, Fonz. It was just an idea.
Yeah, well, it was a dumb idea.
Now you guys drive safely, right?
No wheelies on the way home.
Take it easy. Okay, Fonz.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Okay, I'll see ya, Fonz. Bye, Fonz.
Good-bye. Take it easy.
Heh
Hi, Kemo Sabe.
Mona Lisa, Mona Lisa ♪
Men have named you ♪
You're so like the lady with the mystic smile ♪
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪
Rocking and rolling all week long ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, Happy Days ♪
These happy days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪Oh, baby ♪
These happy days are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪