The Animals of Farthing Wood (1993) s03e09 Episode Script
A Bigger Oink
Shall we hoot together for a while?
Fate had been both kind and cruel to Owl.
At last she had a handsome mate to love her.
But because of a tragic misunderstanding,
she had an accident in a building site.
A moment later,
a man was found in the house
and he was in a house with a woman
who was in a house with a woman
who was in a house with a woman
who was in a house with a woman
who was in a house with a woman
who was in a house with a woman
who was in a house with a woman
who was accident in a building site
and was now encased in fast drying cement.
Ow! Is it you in there?
Meanwhile, Fox and I were overjoyed
to have our grandson lucky back
in Whitedeer Park.
Lucky?
Hello, Dashi.
I've missed you.
Yes. I've missed you too.
I've missed you too.
What's wrong with him?
Oh, he's soppy!
I'll first deliver!
Lovely morning, what?
I'm not hungry.
What? Sorry.
Sir, you're me.
Ow!
You're so kind and funny.
Yes, yes, and handsome.
Handsome, yes.
Everybody says so.
What?
I met a young female owl just the other night.
No, you didn't.
Well, what? Actually, you're right.
I was just saying it.
I'm not interested in young females because I love you.
There you are.
I said it again.
I love you.
Oh, I wish I was half as wise as owls are supposed to be.
Then I'd do something clever. I'd get you out of that submit overcoat.
We'd fly to the moon together.
Really?
What?
Really?
Are we together forever?
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Fox is called a meeting!
Fox is called a meeting!
Fox!
Oh! You're called a meeting!
Thank you for telling me, Dash.
I'll be there first, Bitcha!
Thank you all for coming. It's only me.
It's a sleep on your feet.
Fox has a plan.
About time.
That's right. A plan.
A plan that can't feel.
Oh, that's a winnable.
Yes, for that.
Well, let's hope not. Like all the best plans, it's very simple.
The foxes will continue our nighttime raids on the rat headquarters.
Oh, I'm covered in rat bites.
But we shall take all the rats that we kill and drop them in front of the warden's cottage.
When he finds them in the morning, he'll realise that there's a rat problem in the park.
He'll do something about it. I'm sure he will.
Yeah, he'll get rid of the rats for us.
Except you, of course. Brilliant!
Fox, can I be in charge of the operation?
I was thinking of Ranger.
Yeah, well, I'll go on. I'm cleverer than him.
I think it's a plucky.
All right. Plucky will be in charge of the operation.
Oh, Johnny Good.
Go, have terrific.
Oh, I do enjoy my both times.
I'm very clean, you know. It's not true what that nitty fox says about me.
I hate him. Order!
Oh, that's better.
Here. Did you say, pussed?
It's my boy spike, my spy.
I'm just going under the water for a bit.
Oh, that minky old fox thinks he's got a plan, do he?
Do he? Well, nothing's going to stop us, is it, Lads?
Don't matter what they do.
Who am I?
Oh, don't be frightened. I love foxes.
Do you think the warden will do something about these rats he just found?
The ones that are still alive, the park is full of them.
But he doesn't know that does he?
Um, no, that's right. I suppose he doesn't.
Perhaps if there was a trail of dead rats leading to the park?
Yes, excellent.
A trail leading right up to the rat headquarters.
He'd picked them up one at a time,
and it would lead him directly to the heart of the problem.
Yes!
Oh, did I say something clever?
Brilliant.
Oh!
I remember now.
I did try to kill some rats once when I lived in the town.
It was a fox who showed me how.
I was useless, of course, but bold didn't scold me.
Bold?
Bold was my father.
He died before I was born.
Oh, oh, bulge pup.
Oh.
I've worked to do. Rats to kill.
We'll talk again.
Are you my friend?
I've made a friend.
I'd had no friends since I was a weasel dog.
I do miss them.
Oh!
Shut that racket up, Roller.
Duffed grail lump of a dog.
He's gonna hem again, I know.
It will not happen.
Our guy's a horrible piglet, a good turn it off.
He won't do it again.
I've never been so depressed.
Why don't you give the piglet another telling off?
Little chee you are.
You doing you measly twop?
You're in charge now.
I am a pet.
Oh, is that a horrible piglet?
He's always so cheerful.
Cheefulness can be very depressing, I know.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Poor oldson piglet.
A piglet who loves you.
As if you were his own father.
Oh.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to.
No.
No, you're not sorry.
Not one pig.
Why are you?
Um.
Shut up, you're squailing pig.
Oh, you hurt them.
Uh-huh.
We were so happy.
You spoil everything.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Bratmy boy.
Um.
I.
Is there an horrible snake gone yet?
The snake was in your chamber.
That's a great one.
You're looking for you with a long point and it's a thing.
Horrible evil things.
Oh.
Every night this week.
Every morning.
Every afternoon, snakes on my tail, the only sleep I get is up here.
Shalap!
I'm a nervous wreck when I close my eyes, I see them snakes wriggling.
But they've gone in now.
I know what we need. A task force. That's it.
A riding part of my biggest, strongest, handsomest raties for snake hunting and snake killing!
If snakes could attack me in my nest, I could attack them in theirs. I I I I Yeah!
Oh, my!
Burn me, burn me, burn me!
Burn me, burn me, burn me!
Burn me, burn me, burn me!
Brat me boy, has you ever seen such an handsome assemblage?
Beautiful big raties, bully loves you all!
Oh, how downed, please! Oh, great one!
Wait a think, we need one missing, the big town rat, he just are on destiny, anyone seen him?
Gaww, it is bigger than dog, hello, be let, are you scared of snakes?
What may?
Come on, raties, we've snakes to see too!
Study boy, you'll fright them off.
Oh, am I? Oh, am I?
You are bullied, a great leader.
You're here to announce, what happened? A human, with a shotgun.
Oh, humans don't frighten me with the little games.
It worked, it worked!
The warden, he found the rat headquarters.
Uh-huh, yeah, he did.
He followed the trail of dead rats that we laid.
He found bully and some nasty big rats out in the open.
Whistler saw the whole thing, the warden had a gun, he shot, bang!
Whistler says he must have killed a few, or well done that man.
I hope he didn't shoot that bully rat, I want to kill him myself.
Well now, this is excellent news of course.
Well done, plucky, told you I was clever, I'm just, well, there's so many rats, he can't shoot them all.
But he'll do something else, he'll get rid of them sure too.
Come along, sinuous.
Bang, bang, you're dead rat!
Oh!
Let's go and worry some more rats.
Oh, oh please, Adder, let me have an afternoon off.
I've done nothing but bite rats in the neck for days and days.
I'm tired, I want to coil up somewhere and
You're an lazy, worm, sinuous.
I'm going to kill some more rats, I've already killed plenty more than you.
Please be careful Adder, my video, beautiful snake, whom I love.
Please, be careful.
Oh, sinuous, don't be so embarrassing.
Borg!
Borg!
Borg!
Borg!
Borg!
Borg!
Borg!
This piglet has driven me mad!
Oh, hide it!
I catch run away where I can never find us.
Borg!
Borg!
Puggy wig!
Borg!
Borg!
What is it, mother?
It's a monster!
Borg!
Borg!
Was that you, snoring?
It was me!
Him!
Him!
You snore like a pig.
Very sorry, it won't happen again.
I snore like a pig, but I am a pig.
I may be wild, but I'm still piggy.
But you, weasel, you shouldn't snore like a pig when you're not a pig.
It's against all the natural laws.
Get out of my cops.
Go on, hop it.
I'll stamp on your heads till they go pop.
Oink!
What a
You're not a weasel.
Oink!
Oink!
Oink!
Oink!
Wink!
Wink!
Wink!
There'll be here, I can't stand here grunting more, Dave.
There may be other animals to chew.
Now, get out of my cops.
Take that.
A piglet-shaped weasel with you.
I'm not a piglet-shaped weasel.
I'm a proper piglet-thru-un-drew.
I promise.
Get out of here, go on.
Oink!
Oink!
Now, what a horrible noise.
It's turning my brain to patty.
Shut it up.
Shut it up.
It's worse than the hole of my wife's last litter.
Um, actually, this is entirely a piglet.
Nothing to do with our swasels at all.
Who?
It's a poor, orphaned piglet.
We found it on our travels and brought it straight here.
To you.
Did we?
Of course we did.
The whole world knows that the best example of pigginess is right here in this cops.
It mean me.
We saw, and didn't we, measly?
That if this little piglet is to grow up to be a proud example of pigginess,
it needs a big snorter of a father.
And who better than that famous wild boar?
You.
Well, I've afforded a few little in my time.
I suppose I could take the little squiler off your hands.
Did you know what the wife will say mind?
It's all settled, then.
Say goodbye to the little piglet, yes?
Am I going to be as monstrous as you, one day?
I'll let you stay in my cops for a night or two.
No longer.
Get it?
Thank you so much for having us.
Measly twirl.
Bulley, bulley, bulley.
That's me.
What?
I see, man.
The serpent is asleep.
We'll knock it up.
Just here.
I found it.
I did.
Good boy.
We chasing it.
The mile.
On a female.
Nobody can tell we snakes, except other snakes, Nick.
But I think it's the female.
This here snake is one of the old hands.
What came from?
Where was it?
Alvin Wood.
That's it.
If we does this or in, they'll lose heart.
Even that proud fox.
Kill this one.
And weas is good as one our little war.
Hey, Lades.
Hey.
He he he he.
Ha ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha ha.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Ha ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Oh, where am I?
Petrilla, petrilla.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
That awful squeaking.
It came from around here.
I'm sure.
There's only one right here and that's dead.
They don't squeak when they're dead, do they?
Ergle, matey.
It's Senuous.
I was swimming.
I saw Senuous.
Ha ha ha.
My slithery friend.
Where is he?
The rats.
They've seen you as
Ha ha ha.
Senuous.
Senuous.
Senuous.
Senuous.
Oh, Adda.
I'm so sorry.
We heard the squeaking, but we didn't get here in time.
Senuous.
Oh, my friend.
My slithery friend.
Oh, there's there, Adda.
There's there.
There's there.
There's there.
There's there.
Fate had been both kind and cruel to Owl.
At last she had a handsome mate to love her.
But because of a tragic misunderstanding,
she had an accident in a building site.
A moment later,
a man was found in the house
and he was in a house with a woman
who was in a house with a woman
who was in a house with a woman
who was in a house with a woman
who was in a house with a woman
who was in a house with a woman
who was in a house with a woman
who was accident in a building site
and was now encased in fast drying cement.
Ow! Is it you in there?
Meanwhile, Fox and I were overjoyed
to have our grandson lucky back
in Whitedeer Park.
Lucky?
Hello, Dashi.
I've missed you.
Yes. I've missed you too.
I've missed you too.
What's wrong with him?
Oh, he's soppy!
I'll first deliver!
Lovely morning, what?
I'm not hungry.
What? Sorry.
Sir, you're me.
Ow!
You're so kind and funny.
Yes, yes, and handsome.
Handsome, yes.
Everybody says so.
What?
I met a young female owl just the other night.
No, you didn't.
Well, what? Actually, you're right.
I was just saying it.
I'm not interested in young females because I love you.
There you are.
I said it again.
I love you.
Oh, I wish I was half as wise as owls are supposed to be.
Then I'd do something clever. I'd get you out of that submit overcoat.
We'd fly to the moon together.
Really?
What?
Really?
Are we together forever?
Oh!
Oh!
Oh!
Fox is called a meeting!
Fox is called a meeting!
Fox!
Oh! You're called a meeting!
Thank you for telling me, Dash.
I'll be there first, Bitcha!
Thank you all for coming. It's only me.
It's a sleep on your feet.
Fox has a plan.
About time.
That's right. A plan.
A plan that can't feel.
Oh, that's a winnable.
Yes, for that.
Well, let's hope not. Like all the best plans, it's very simple.
The foxes will continue our nighttime raids on the rat headquarters.
Oh, I'm covered in rat bites.
But we shall take all the rats that we kill and drop them in front of the warden's cottage.
When he finds them in the morning, he'll realise that there's a rat problem in the park.
He'll do something about it. I'm sure he will.
Yeah, he'll get rid of the rats for us.
Except you, of course. Brilliant!
Fox, can I be in charge of the operation?
I was thinking of Ranger.
Yeah, well, I'll go on. I'm cleverer than him.
I think it's a plucky.
All right. Plucky will be in charge of the operation.
Oh, Johnny Good.
Go, have terrific.
Oh, I do enjoy my both times.
I'm very clean, you know. It's not true what that nitty fox says about me.
I hate him. Order!
Oh, that's better.
Here. Did you say, pussed?
It's my boy spike, my spy.
I'm just going under the water for a bit.
Oh, that minky old fox thinks he's got a plan, do he?
Do he? Well, nothing's going to stop us, is it, Lads?
Don't matter what they do.
Who am I?
Oh, don't be frightened. I love foxes.
Do you think the warden will do something about these rats he just found?
The ones that are still alive, the park is full of them.
But he doesn't know that does he?
Um, no, that's right. I suppose he doesn't.
Perhaps if there was a trail of dead rats leading to the park?
Yes, excellent.
A trail leading right up to the rat headquarters.
He'd picked them up one at a time,
and it would lead him directly to the heart of the problem.
Yes!
Oh, did I say something clever?
Brilliant.
Oh!
I remember now.
I did try to kill some rats once when I lived in the town.
It was a fox who showed me how.
I was useless, of course, but bold didn't scold me.
Bold?
Bold was my father.
He died before I was born.
Oh, oh, bulge pup.
Oh.
I've worked to do. Rats to kill.
We'll talk again.
Are you my friend?
I've made a friend.
I'd had no friends since I was a weasel dog.
I do miss them.
Oh!
Shut that racket up, Roller.
Duffed grail lump of a dog.
He's gonna hem again, I know.
It will not happen.
Our guy's a horrible piglet, a good turn it off.
He won't do it again.
I've never been so depressed.
Why don't you give the piglet another telling off?
Little chee you are.
You doing you measly twop?
You're in charge now.
I am a pet.
Oh, is that a horrible piglet?
He's always so cheerful.
Cheefulness can be very depressing, I know.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Poor oldson piglet.
A piglet who loves you.
As if you were his own father.
Oh.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to.
No.
No, you're not sorry.
Not one pig.
Why are you?
Um.
Shut up, you're squailing pig.
Oh, you hurt them.
Uh-huh.
We were so happy.
You spoil everything.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Bratmy boy.
Um.
I.
Is there an horrible snake gone yet?
The snake was in your chamber.
That's a great one.
You're looking for you with a long point and it's a thing.
Horrible evil things.
Oh.
Every night this week.
Every morning.
Every afternoon, snakes on my tail, the only sleep I get is up here.
Shalap!
I'm a nervous wreck when I close my eyes, I see them snakes wriggling.
But they've gone in now.
I know what we need. A task force. That's it.
A riding part of my biggest, strongest, handsomest raties for snake hunting and snake killing!
If snakes could attack me in my nest, I could attack them in theirs. I I I I Yeah!
Oh, my!
Burn me, burn me, burn me!
Burn me, burn me, burn me!
Burn me, burn me, burn me!
Brat me boy, has you ever seen such an handsome assemblage?
Beautiful big raties, bully loves you all!
Oh, how downed, please! Oh, great one!
Wait a think, we need one missing, the big town rat, he just are on destiny, anyone seen him?
Gaww, it is bigger than dog, hello, be let, are you scared of snakes?
What may?
Come on, raties, we've snakes to see too!
Study boy, you'll fright them off.
Oh, am I? Oh, am I?
You are bullied, a great leader.
You're here to announce, what happened? A human, with a shotgun.
Oh, humans don't frighten me with the little games.
It worked, it worked!
The warden, he found the rat headquarters.
Uh-huh, yeah, he did.
He followed the trail of dead rats that we laid.
He found bully and some nasty big rats out in the open.
Whistler saw the whole thing, the warden had a gun, he shot, bang!
Whistler says he must have killed a few, or well done that man.
I hope he didn't shoot that bully rat, I want to kill him myself.
Well now, this is excellent news of course.
Well done, plucky, told you I was clever, I'm just, well, there's so many rats, he can't shoot them all.
But he'll do something else, he'll get rid of them sure too.
Come along, sinuous.
Bang, bang, you're dead rat!
Oh!
Let's go and worry some more rats.
Oh, oh please, Adder, let me have an afternoon off.
I've done nothing but bite rats in the neck for days and days.
I'm tired, I want to coil up somewhere and
You're an lazy, worm, sinuous.
I'm going to kill some more rats, I've already killed plenty more than you.
Please be careful Adder, my video, beautiful snake, whom I love.
Please, be careful.
Oh, sinuous, don't be so embarrassing.
Borg!
Borg!
Borg!
Borg!
Borg!
Borg!
Borg!
This piglet has driven me mad!
Oh, hide it!
I catch run away where I can never find us.
Borg!
Borg!
Puggy wig!
Borg!
Borg!
What is it, mother?
It's a monster!
Borg!
Borg!
Was that you, snoring?
It was me!
Him!
Him!
You snore like a pig.
Very sorry, it won't happen again.
I snore like a pig, but I am a pig.
I may be wild, but I'm still piggy.
But you, weasel, you shouldn't snore like a pig when you're not a pig.
It's against all the natural laws.
Get out of my cops.
Go on, hop it.
I'll stamp on your heads till they go pop.
Oink!
What a
You're not a weasel.
Oink!
Oink!
Oink!
Oink!
Wink!
Wink!
Wink!
There'll be here, I can't stand here grunting more, Dave.
There may be other animals to chew.
Now, get out of my cops.
Take that.
A piglet-shaped weasel with you.
I'm not a piglet-shaped weasel.
I'm a proper piglet-thru-un-drew.
I promise.
Get out of here, go on.
Oink!
Oink!
Now, what a horrible noise.
It's turning my brain to patty.
Shut it up.
Shut it up.
It's worse than the hole of my wife's last litter.
Um, actually, this is entirely a piglet.
Nothing to do with our swasels at all.
Who?
It's a poor, orphaned piglet.
We found it on our travels and brought it straight here.
To you.
Did we?
Of course we did.
The whole world knows that the best example of pigginess is right here in this cops.
It mean me.
We saw, and didn't we, measly?
That if this little piglet is to grow up to be a proud example of pigginess,
it needs a big snorter of a father.
And who better than that famous wild boar?
You.
Well, I've afforded a few little in my time.
I suppose I could take the little squiler off your hands.
Did you know what the wife will say mind?
It's all settled, then.
Say goodbye to the little piglet, yes?
Am I going to be as monstrous as you, one day?
I'll let you stay in my cops for a night or two.
No longer.
Get it?
Thank you so much for having us.
Measly twirl.
Bulley, bulley, bulley.
That's me.
What?
I see, man.
The serpent is asleep.
We'll knock it up.
Just here.
I found it.
I did.
Good boy.
We chasing it.
The mile.
On a female.
Nobody can tell we snakes, except other snakes, Nick.
But I think it's the female.
This here snake is one of the old hands.
What came from?
Where was it?
Alvin Wood.
That's it.
If we does this or in, they'll lose heart.
Even that proud fox.
Kill this one.
And weas is good as one our little war.
Hey, Lades.
Hey.
He he he he.
Ha ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha ha.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Ha ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Oh, where am I?
Petrilla, petrilla.
Ha ha ha ha ha.
That awful squeaking.
It came from around here.
I'm sure.
There's only one right here and that's dead.
They don't squeak when they're dead, do they?
Ergle, matey.
It's Senuous.
I was swimming.
I saw Senuous.
Ha ha ha.
My slithery friend.
Where is he?
The rats.
They've seen you as
Ha ha ha.
Senuous.
Senuous.
Senuous.
Senuous.
Oh, Adda.
I'm so sorry.
We heard the squeaking, but we didn't get here in time.
Senuous.
Oh, my friend.
My slithery friend.
Oh, there's there, Adda.
There's there.
There's there.
There's there.
There's there.