Happy Days (1974) s03e10 Episode Script

1
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪
Ready to race to you ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪Oh, baby ♪
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪
Rocking and rolling all week long ♪
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
Saturday, what a day ♪
Groovin' all week with you ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪
Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, baby ♪
These happy days ♪
Are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours ♪
And mine, Happy Days! ♪
Happy Days is filmed before a live audience.
You shake my nerves and you rattle my brain ♪
Too much love drives a man insane ♪
You broke my will, but what a thrill ♪
Now, goodness gracious, Na, na ♪
Great balls of fire ♪Na, na, na, na ♪
I laughed at love ♪
'Cause I thought it was funny ♪
But you came along and moved me, honey ♪
I changed my mind ♪
This love is fine, now ♪
Goodness, gracious, great balls of fire ♪
Woo!
Kiss me, baby ♪
Whooo feels good ♪
Hold me, baby woo ♪
I want to love you like a lover should ♪
You're fine so kind ♪
I'm gonna tell the world that you're mine, mine, mine ♪
I chew my nails and twiddle my thumbs ♪
I'm real nervous, but it sure is fun ♪
Oh, baby, you drive me crazy now ♪
Goodness gracious, great balls of fire! ♪
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
Thank you, all right,
for our next number we'd like
What do you mean our next number?
We're taking a break. What for?
To score with those girls, that's what for.
I don't think I'm ready yet.
Who cares if you're not ready?
They're ready.
One of them just kissed my piano.
Hey, Mr. Conductor, if you please.
All right, Fonz. We're we're sorry, Fonz.
You see, you see, we were just discussing girls.
Hey, that's a good subject.
All right, take ten.
Thanks, Fonz.
Hey, uh, Ramona
I mailed you a valentine.
Why don't you go home and wait for it?
Hey, Fonz, those girls
have been looking at us all night,
and Richie here is afraid
to go up and talk to them. Yeah, Fonz.
I don't know what's with this guy.
He's been acting strange for days.
Look, I just feel we have a responsibility
to the kids here to keep playing.
Why? They're not paying us.
Do we play for money or for fun?
For girls. We play for girls.
Now, wait a minute, the nerds are right.
Why don't you boys take your best shot.
I'll talk to the kid here.
All right!
We're coming over, girls.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
What approach should we use?
They look bright.
Use the subtle approach. Gotcha.
Hey, girls
Hi, wanna neck in the parking lot?
That worked?
Hey, Cunningham,
there's one more, go get her.
Aw, no, Fonz, I don't want to ask her.
Hey, go on over there and get her. No,
I'll tell you what will happen.
I'll go up there, and I'll say,
"Do you wanna have a soda"
and she'll say "no", and then I'll say,
"well, maybe a drive"
And she'll say she's already got a car,
and I, I just don't wanna.
Hey, will you try?
Okay.
Hey!
You don't wanna go out with me, do you?
See, I told you
she didn't wanna go out with me, Fonz.
Cunningham my office.
All right, Cunningham, tell your father.
I'm moving out and getting my new place.
What are you talking about?
What am I talking about?
After your performance in there,
it's gonna be all over town!
"Fonz Lives Over Nerd's Garage!"
Oh, come on, Fonz, you don't have to move.
I'm just in a slump, that's all.
You see, I broke up with Sharon Meyers last month.
So?
So I went with her for four months,
and I got out of the swing
of asking girls out for dates. I don't know,
I just lost my confidence or something.
No confidence with chicks?
I heard of that.
I'm telling you, it's the worst dry spell of my life.
Even my parents noticed.
You know what they did last Saturday night? No.
They stayed home and played Monopoly with me.
You're driving me to tears here.
Look at this no one ever cleans my office.
I'll tell you, Cunningham,
the Fonz is gonna help you out.
Really? How?
No, no, no, this chick
don't date off the wall anymore.
I got it.
Tomorrow I'm gonna take you
to the best make out place in Milwaukee.
And I tell you, it's loaded with chicks.
Not high school chicks. Yeah?
Young old married, huh?
Single!
A regular smorgasbord.
Where is this place?
The supermarket.
Bop, bop, bop, bop ♪
Doo wah. ♪
All right, now listen.
There is no need to be embarrassed.
Hey, will you check out that talent?
Just check out that talent.
Yeah, but they're just here to shop, Fonz.
Hey, so are you.
You start conversations about the merchandise.
I'm not that curious about the merchandise.
Get curious, huh?
I mean, what I mean to say is,
there are a lot of things here
to start conversations about.
If you act confused they gush forth,
they are dying to help you out.
You're not gonna watch me, are you, Fonz?
No, I got my own shopping to do.
You really shop?
No.
Little elves bring all that food to my door.
Of course I shop!
Now listen, I'm going to the frozen foods section
to warm up some hands.
You're not ready for that yet, huh?
Confidence.
Right, Fonz. All right.
Oh, boy, am I confused.
Uh, excuse me Yes?
Have you ever used this?
No.
No?
Oh, well, I have.
It's very, very good.
Good.
Good.
Come on, stupid.
You got to be clever be clever.
Um Excuse me again.
I'm in a hurry.
They're waiting for me back at the yacht.
Do you know where the caviar is?
What kind?
Uh instant!
Ask someone else.
Right, I'll, I'll find it myself.
Psst sonny, over here!
You're going about it all wrong.
Excuse me?
You came in here to pick up chicks, didn't you?
No no.
Aw, come on, come on.
All right, I'm, I'm here to pick up chicks.
I knew it, I can tell, I can tell.
Well, you came to the right place. I do great here.
Really? Oh, yeah.
Yeah. This is my first time.
I can tell.
You're the worst!
Well, what do you think I should do?
Get out of here!
No, no, that was just a little joke.
Oh. Try the direct approach.
Direct approach?
Yeah, you see that cute girl there?
Yeah? You want to meet her?
Yeah.
Knock over her cart.
Knock over her cart?
She, she's got eggs in there!
Well, you just say you know
Oh, wait a minute.
Hold on here, I I gotta go to work.
Oh, miss!
I got her!
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Hi there.
Hello.
Gee, you're tall.
Thank you.
Would you stand right next to me
for a minute?
Sure.
Thank you.
It's okay.
Whatcha doing?
Shoplifting.
Why am I standing here?
You're blocking the store manager's view.
What if I decided to report you?
My brother will break your legs.
Okay thank you.
Thanks again.
What are you doing?
I thought you were a chick, Fonz.
Hey!
I've had it, Fonz.
I'm going to become a monk. Hey!
Don't become a monk.
You're going to hate the hair style.
I'm going home!
I'm just going home. All right, all right.
So you're in worse shape than I thought.
So this calls for drastic measures, all right?
This Saturday,
I'm going to call two of my chicks,
and you are going to double date
with the Fonz!
Oh, that's really nice of you, Fonz.
I know.
Cunningham, I've got my little black books,
we're going to get you a date,
going to make your freckles light up!
All right, that's great!
Hey, listen could we just wait until my parents leave?
Oh, yeah, sure. Yeah.
What do you mean leave?
Where are they going?
Well, they're going to visit my Aunt Bessie.
She had this operation, you know,
they're going to be gone the whole weekend.
Are you kidding?
No, it wasn't a serious operation.
You know, she can't eat fried foods though
No, no, no, forget Aunt Bessie.
You mean you're gonna be alone in this house?
Yeah, yeah, my sister's going, too.
Alone for the whole weekend? Sure.
Cunningham,
you're gonna do more living this weekend
than you have for 17 years!
All right!
What's all right?
Oh, uh, well, Aunt Bessie and her gallstones,
you know, they're, they're all right.
Fonzie was asking about it.
Well, aren't you sweet, Arthur.
Yeah.
How come Richie doesn't have to go?
Because he's older than you
and he can take care of himself.
Well, every time we leave him alone,
he locks himself out of the house.
I don't lock myself out of the house.
Yes, you do.
Well, all right, dear,
here are some cookies
so you won't get cranky on the trip.
Well, they're all crushed.
I know.
Every time I go to the supermarket,
some old man knocks my cart over.
If I were you,
I wouldn't go to that market anymore.
I know, I-I hate that market.
This morning, I heard
they caught a girl shoplifting.
Really?
They're still looking for her accomplice.
Oh.
Listen, can we stop this chitchat
and get going, huh?
Come on, Richard, come here.
Right.
Listen, we're leaving you alone
because we've got confidence in you.
We know you're going to act responsibly,
just like an adult.
Well, I appreciate that, Dad.
Hey, don't worry about it, Mr. C.,
I'll be right upstairs,
I'll make sure everything goes real smooth.
Maybe I ought to stay at home.
No, it's all right, Dad. Oh, come on,
Howard, you always keep us waiting.
Good-bye, dear.
Good-bye, Richard. Good-bye, Richie.
Have a good time!
What are you doing, Fonz?
I'm looking for dates.
Hey, there they are, huh?!
Laverne DeFazio and Shirley Feeney!
Whoa!
Well, they, they sound nice.
Uh, what if they say no?
They don't know the word no.
Hey, Laverne!
The Fonz!
Hey, how's it going?
Hey listen, is, uh, is Shirley there?
Yeah, put her on.
Hey, Shirley, I want you to talk,
I want you to talk to a friend of mine here.
Hi!
That's enough.
Sounds great, huh?
Yeah.
Listen, Arnolds, tomorrow night, 8:00.
Be there whoa.
Love me tender ♪
All right, listen, I want to tell you something.
We're gonna have a great time Yeah.
And don't worry about a thing, all right?
Just relax. All right.
Up, up, we're using this booth.
Right, Fonz, sorry.
You lucky bum.
Yeah, Fonz, why him?
Why didn't you take me on a double date?
I'm cute, I'm witty.
I have more freckles than him.
Malph, don't worry about it, all right?
This is a mercy mission.
Oh, Fonz.
Now, listen, I want to tell you about your date, okay?
Okay. Now, she's a very cute girl,
but she's not your usual type of girl.
Mm
All right, now, she's a little bit older.
Older Now, listen, the reason
I picked Shirley for you is 'cause you're in a slump
and I wanted to pick a girl
who, uh, wouldn't give you a hard time
if you get my drift, huh?
Yeah.
And the thing is that she is
I don't know, how, how would
you say it a, uh, good sport.
Will you sit down?!
Thanks, Fonz. Not here, over there.
Why do you have to act so dumb?
What do you mean me?
You're the one whose eyes are bulging out.
Hey, Fonzie!
Hey, DeFazio!
They're here.
All right.
Laverne This is Laverne DeFazio.
She's mine.
And this is Shirley Feeney.
She's yours, as you can see.
Mm.
Nice to meet you, Richie.
My pleasure.
Hey, they're getting along pretty well, all right.
Plant it here, girls, plant it here.
Would you like to sit down?
Staring?
How'd you like your eyes closed for good, huh?
You're too much, Laverne.
So, Shirl, what do you think of this kid?
You've been with worse.
Oh, he's nice, and a tie, too.
And a hanky.
Is that for showing or for blowing?
Well, it's been quite an evening.
What do you say we go to Richie's house?
So, Fonz, uh, where is Richie's house?
Do we need a map?
Oh, no, it's close, you just follow me.
Well, drive slowly.
I don't got insurance.
Do you fellas mind if we girls go
to the ladies' room and freshen up a bit first?
I'm already fresh.
Laverne.
I'll freshen, I'll make you happy.
Take your time, girls, take your time.
No insurance?
Hey, listen.
I got to talk to you, Cunningham.
You got to loosen up.
You have not said a word all night.
Well, I haven't had a chance to jump in yet, Fonz.
Yeah, that's true.
I mean, they're a little more boisterous
than I usually like, but this is a treat for you.
And let me tell you, incidentally, that tie.
That is a wonderful detail.
Oh, you think so? Oh, yeah.
It lends a, uh, an air of dignity to the occasion.
You know, usually, uh,
Laverne and Shirley don't get along so good and they, uh
Th-They what? Well, you know, I mean,
sometimes Laverne says something Shirley don't like
and they, uh Hey!
There's two girls beating each other up in there.
They fight, that's what they do, they fight.
Shouldn't we do something?
In there?
It's settled.
You see that?
I'm ready, Fonz.
What about Shirley?
She's putting on her makeup. How come?
Because I held her face under the sink.
Laverne.
Well, she said that my remark about his hanky was crude.
I gave her crude.
All right, let's get this show on the road.
Come on, Shirl.
Haul it out here.
We're going to the kid's house, the one with the tie.
Still staring?
Bleh!
She'll be right with you, Red.
Yeah, no rush.
Fonz, do you think I could talk to you?
Hey, sure.
All right, you see that?
Good as new.
All right, we had a little adventure.
You had a little tiff.
It's all over now,
so why don't you just grab your hat, grab your coat,
leave your worries on the doorstep over there,
and I will talk to Red over here.
What's up?
Fonz, now, I don't like this Girls hitting each other.
Richie, first of all, it's Saturday night,
their big night out,
and second of all, it gets up their blood
if you get my drift.
Huh? Let's go.
Girls.
Your dip fell your dip fell.
Oh, w-wait!
Please, God, get me through this night.
I said please.
"Ha, ha, ha, I knew you would lock yourself out.
Love, Joanie."
Yeah, right, right, I-I'm, I'm, I'm coming.
It's cold.
Come on in, come on in.
Ugh! All right, girls.
Hey, uh, just plant yourself on the sofa,
make yourself at home.
Is anybody upstairs going to run down
and call me a nasty name?
No, no, I live alone here.
Oh, you an orphan?
No, no. You see, uh,
my Aunt Bessie had her gallstones removed, and
Hey, hey, forget Aunt Bessie, all right?
Now listen, all right?
As soon as you feel comfortable with Shirley,
you say, "Okay, Fonz." Huh?
And I will peel off with Laverne up to my little penthouse.
Okay, Fonz. Hey, he says okay.
Let's go, Laverne. No.
Now, wait, wait, Fonz.
That's not exactly
Hey, don't try to thank me.
Thank me tomorrow, all right?
You can thank me now.
You're welcome. Hey!
Hey, how come we get the kitchen?
Laverne, come on, will you, please?
I respect you, Laverne.
Well, Laverne seems like a really nice girl.
She's a bimbo.
Oh.
But she is my best friend,
so, uh, hey, why don't you sit down?
Sitting.
Uh, tell me, where
Uh, where-where do you work?
At the brewery.
In the bottle-capping department.
Oh.
It's not exactly the nicest job in the world, but I uh
What are you doing?
Uh, nothing, nothing.
Are you sure?
Uh, uh
listen, you-you better take your sweater off.
Oh. All right.
No, no, no, that's not what I meant.
Uh, see, my, my cufflink is-is hooked in your sweater.
Oh! Your cufflink Don't snag it.
I just bought this sweater at the dime store.
Okay, all right, I'll be careful. See?
Very careful. I'll be careful, all right?
Very careful. Easy. Okay, uh
Now, don't-don't pull, don't pull, don't pull.
Okay, take it off. All right.
All right. Okay?
There, I got it. Oh, oh, oh.
Yeah.
Are you nervous?
Me? N-Nervous? No.
Uh Miss Feeney, uh, are you thirsty?
Would you like anything to drink?
I could sure go for a beer.
How about you? Oh, yeah, beer.
Right. Okay, coming right up.
Oh, say would you? Oh.
Uh, would you like some pretzels or anything?
Okay. All right.
Uh, listen, why don't you just stay here,
and I'll get it, all right?
All right. Okay.
Hey, how about some chips?
Would you like some chips?
Sure, whatever.
Okay, I think we got those.
Boy, you sure had a rough night, huh?
Yeah, well, you, too.
Hey, listen, tell me the truth.
Why did you and Laverne get into that fight, anyway?
Oh, that.
Oh, when Laverne and I went into the ladies' room,
I walked up to her, and I said, sweet as you please,
"Laverne, you have a mouth like a sewer."
Which she does.
And she said, "A sewer?"
And I said, "Yeah, a sewer!"
So she curled up her chubby little hand, and bam
Oh!
Oh! Oh, I'm sorry.
Richie, I'm so sorry.
Oh! Oh!
Oh Oh, are you all right?
Are you all right?
Oh, Richie, I'm so sorry.
Oh, dear.
Oh, here, let me kiss the boo-boo.
Richie, we're home!
Oh!
What's going on?
Oh, no-nothing.
There's nothing going on!
Ooh!
Oh, I missed it!
Oh!
What are you doing back so soon? Oh!
Your Aunt Bessie got cranky and threw us out of the house.
Who broke my lamp? Who is this, Richie?
Oh, this is Shirley. My mother, my dad.
Hey, wait a minute. How do you do, Shirley?
Nice to know you.
Listen, will you just let me say good night to Shirley?
Would you go upstairs, and I'll explain everything?
Laverne and Laverne! Who's Laverne?
Let me just say good night. Please, go upstairs, Dad.
All right, all right, hold it. Say good night?!
Take Mom upstairs. All right, we'll go upstairs.
Okay. Come on, upstairs.
Oh.
How do you guys like being sent upstairs?
It's not much fun, is it?
Oh!
Oh, you're in real trouble, huh?
Well, uh, not-not a lot, a-a little.
A lot. A lot.
I'm really sorry about this.
Oh, well.
Que sera, sera.
Maybe it's all for the best anyway.
What do you mean?
Well, I kind of get the feeling
that you were pushed into this date, weren't you?
Well, yeah, but listen, I like you.
I think you're very nice, Shirley. I re
I'm going to make it very easy for you, Richie.
Um, look, I'm going home now.
You think it over.
If you want to go out with me again,
then, uh, you call me.
That way, at least I'll know
that it was your idea, okay?
You-You mean, if I called you,
that you would go out with me?
Sure. A girl would have to be nuts
not to want to go out with a cute kid like you.
I'll drive myself home, okay?
Laverne can hitch.
Good night.
How about a good night kiss?
You bet!
Good night, Shirley!
Good night, Richie.
Hey, remember, drive safe.
You have no insurance!
Oh!
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪
Rocking and rolling all week long ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪
Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪Oh, baby ♪
These happy days are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours ♪
And mine, Happy Days! ♪