Jackie Chan Adventures (2000) s03e10 Episode Script
A Jolly J-Team X-Mas
1
Sir, security confirms
worldwide airspace clearance
for tonight's flight.
Transport reports
donner and blitzen
are acting up,
your jolliness.
Ho ho ho ho.
Oh, those rascals
always get the jitters
before showtime.
And the toys?
Wrapped and ready
to deliver.
(Hissing)
Unh!
Aah!
Oh, my.
Code red.
If you've come
for a gift,
well, I'm afraid
you've just made
the naughty list.
Your chi is the only
"gift" I require.
Elvin: Secure Santa!
Huh?
Ooh!
(Door closes and locks)
Elf magic!
Elves: Aah! Unh!
Elves: Aah! Unh!
(Alarm ringing)
Second wave!
Go! Go! Go!
I see I shall
have to unwrap
my present later.
Elves: Unh!
Oh, my.
And to all,
a good night.
(Daolon laughs)
Thank you!
Merry Christmas!
Bye-bye!
- Hee hee hee hee hee!
Are you sure uncle
isn't running a fever?
Jade,
uncle loves Christmas.
It is when sales
are best. Ow!
Commercialism
not important!
Christmas spirit is.
AhhMother's recipe.
Yes. And we will be
so happy to see her
for the holidays,
tohru.
We-ird
we must leave some out
for "you-know-who."
Who?
Oh! I mean, um
I am sure Santa will be
very hungry tonight.
Tch. Nice try,
but I'm old enough
to know the lowdown on
the kris kringle scam.
Jade! You do not believe
in Santa claus?
Sure I do.
Just like I believe
in the tooth fairy.
Right, Jackie?
Gotcha!
I told you
the tooth fairy was sick
and I was filling in.
Tooth fairy
does not exist!
Ha! See?
But Santa claus
does.
I have research
to prove it.
(Doorbell rings)
Mommy!
Mmm!
Aah!
Captain black!
I am sorry.
That's all right, tohru.
I'm often mistaken for
elderly Japanese women.
Good tidings
to my favorite
unofficial agents.
Please tell me you
found ultramoose ii:
À antler gear solid,
yellow version.
I've called on all
of section 13's resources,
but the game
is sold out everywhere.
Oh, Jade will be
so disappointed.
(Doorbell rings)
Mommy!
Negatory.
(Gasps)
How may
I help you?
Name's elvin:
Head of security, north pole.
Whoa. You guys are
really going all out
to convince me,
aren't you?
I need your help.
The big red one
has been abducted.
(All gasping)
Haven't I seen you
in homeroom?
If what you say
is true, uh, elvin,
why come to us?
Not you. The magic man.
Pulled your credentials
from the nice list.
Very impressive.
We have reason to believe
you may know the perp.
Creative services
handcrafted this likeness.
(Gasps)
Daolon wong!
Oh, he's good.
But what would daolon wong
want with Santa?
Uh, revenge
for years of coal?
Jade: Duh.
Wong's part-grinch.
He wants
to ruin Christmas!
Not that Santa's
for real.
He may not be real
for long if we don't
find him, ma'am.
Daolon wong
wishes to possess
the extraordinary good chi
belonging to Santa claus.
Tch! Like
Santa's Chinese.
"Chi" is a universal
life force
which goes by
many names,
as do its 2 sides:
Yin and Yang,
dark and light,
naughty and nice.
Yes, well,
this wong character vanished
with the big cheese,
house and all.
We can't get a bead
on their whereabouts.
I'll put all
- of section 13's manpower
on this right away.
No! Magic
must find magic.
I will cast
a locator spell,
but I require an
item belonging
to Santa claus.
All his gear
is up at the pole,
including an empty sleigh
and toys that won't
get delivered tonight
if we don't act quickly.
But what about mommy?
I'll wait here
for her, tohru
Provided "sensei" thinks
I can handle it.
Tch. And how are
we supposed to get
all the way
to Santa's workshop
in time
to save Christmas?
Whoa.
(Elves chattering loudly)
(Gasps)
Tell me it's
the rescue team.
Check.
Thank goodness
you're here.
Mrs. claus phoned
from the Bahamas,
and we had to make like
everything was ok
so she wouldn't worry.
Enough chitchat!
Uncle needs ingredients!
Santa's workshop.
He is for real.
There's no margin
for error, guys.
If we're gonna save Santa,
we need more muscle.
Oh, she's having
one of her moments.
We needThe j-team!
(Indistinct chatter)
So after
the dot-com bust,
uh-huh.
I moved my money into
solid blue chip stock
uh-huh.
Like pharmaceuticals.
Excuse me.
Jade?
How did you--
you brought an elf
to a hanukkah party?
Viper,
here's the skinny:
The team's
on a rescue mission.
The stakes:
Kris kringle himself.
Sounds festive.
I'll grab
a costume change.
Are you guys in
or are you out?
You can depend
upon El toro fuerte.
And paco, too.
All right, team.
Let's just hope Santa's
still packing his chi.
(Gasps)
Forces of darkness,
spring forth
And Pierce the veil
of elf magic!
Oh, dear.
Mrrr!
Strange friend,
your desire
for cheese
will not prevail
against good.
Chi, not cheese!
There must be
a weak spot.
Daolon: Hmm?
Of course.
Keep 'em moving,
keep 'em moving.
Santa will return
Won't he?
Uncle needs
egg of sparrow!
Saliva of eel!
Foam of goat's milk!
(Groans)
Not foamy enough!
And bring snake tails!
From real snakes!
Uh, force of habit.
Do you want me
to locate Santa claus?!
Yes?!
Then where is personal item
belonging to him?!
Will these do?
Hot cha!
If you elves have
all this hocus-pocus,
why don't you guys
deliver the gifts?
Tradition.
We need reindeer,
a sleigh, and a Santa.
All things considered,
maybe it's time
to find a stand-in.
It takes
a very big man
to fill
- the big man's shoes.
How big we talkin'?
Oh, no.
Daolon: Whoa! Oh!
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
(Chanting)
Oh, dear.
Lookin' slick
for a trick St. Nick.
OhI have
a bad feeling about this.
So do I. This is
highly irregular.
So is Christmas morning
with no gifts
under the trees.
(Reciting incantation)
Oh!
The himalayas!
We have underwear
on the move.
That is where
we will find
Santa claus!
Grab some winterwear.
We're moving out!
Jade, I know you want
to come, but it is
far too dangerous.
And miss the joyride
of a lifetime?
We are Santa's helpers!
Ho ho ho!
No accent on 3.
It's just,
"ho ho ho."
Jade:
Come on, sumo claus.
Let's see
what this baby's
got under the hood.
don't forget
the nice list!
UhGiddyup.
Tch.
On, dasher, on, dancer,
on, prancer, on, ViXen!
Tohru: Uuhh!
Whoa!
Oh!
Tohru: On, donner,
on, comet,
on, cupid, on, blitzen!
Mommy?!
Jackie: You could not
get us any closer?
Elf magic
won't pop the bubble.
A dark chi
àforce field.
How do you suggest
we shake up
this snow globe?
Jade: First stop
26 maple street.
Down the chimney
you go!
Hit it, t!
ButI am not
chimney-friendly.
Eh--wu--oh!
Mmm
Cookies.
Child: Daddy!
A fake Santa's
eating Santa's cookies!
Come here, you!
Comet and cupid
got your back.
(Chanting)
Please, please
Think of the children.
Ahh
Your pleas
are fruitless.
For my soul,
dear kringle,
is as black
as coal.
(Chanting
evilly)
(Chanting)
(Chanting
evilly)
(Singsong
chanting)
OohEe
Fa la la la la
la la la la.
All: Whoa!
Chi Be mine!
All: Aah!
Huh?
Ooh
Ooh
Oh
All: Santa claus!
(Grunt)
Rescue team, sir.
(Hisses) Haaaah!
Arrrgghh!
Juarez piledriver!
Oh, my.
Oh
Sorry.
Ho ho!
No more dark barrier.
How many deliveries
have we made so far?
Only
That many more to go.
(Groans) Ohh
I'm a very bad
Santa.
Whoa!
Let's get you home,
sir.
Uh!
(Gasps)
ElfOr garden gnome?
Abominable snowmen.
Attack!
Santa: Oh, my.
(Chanting)
Jackie: Huh?
(Both chanting)
Mistletoe!
Aah!
Made you look!
Yeee-aaahh-ha!
Aah!
Watch as angels
lose their--
(sleigh bells)
Huh?
Jade: Deck his halls,
boys!
Aah!
Jade: Snow angel! Cool!
Code red.
(Hisses) Haaah!
Transport, I need
- a pickup on Santa's house
Asap.
Your sleigh.
Should I need
assistance
in the future,
I hope your fine
services will be
available, old chum.
IWould be
honored.
Ha. Had to check.
Ho ho ho! Splendid!
Thank you, everyone!
Oh! Only 3 stops?
Oh, dear.
We must boogie.
Hah!
Ho ho ho!
Ho ho ho ho!
I come to visit son
at Christmas
and spend all my time
talking to a stranger!
And talking
And talking
Tohru was very busy
substituting
for Santa claus!
I know.
I am so proud
of him!
One more thing.
Uh
Oh! Billy goat!
(Gasps)
My first mask!
(Chuckles) Wear it
proudly, paquito.
I shall never
remove it!
Closer together,
and
(Jade gasps)
Mistletoe!
Pucker up.
Say chi-- ooh!
Hey, it's for me!
Uh, Jade, with
all of the excitement,
I'm very sorry--
I did not have time
to complete the quest
for your
It's from Santa!
Ultramoose ii:
À antler gear solid!
Yellow version.
How did he know?
Come on, Jackie.
He's Santa claus.
(Everyone chattering)
Ok, everybody. Group hug!
All: Merry Christmas!
Hey, Jackie, what's
your favorite food?
I eat everything.
I only tell people,
try it before
you don't like it.
You have to try
the food.
"Ooh! What's that?
It smells, stink!"
It's not polite.
Eat first.
"Oh. That's not
good for me. Ok."
For me, I eat everything.
Yeah.
Sir, security confirms
worldwide airspace clearance
for tonight's flight.
Transport reports
donner and blitzen
are acting up,
your jolliness.
Ho ho ho ho.
Oh, those rascals
always get the jitters
before showtime.
And the toys?
Wrapped and ready
to deliver.
(Hissing)
Unh!
Aah!
Oh, my.
Code red.
If you've come
for a gift,
well, I'm afraid
you've just made
the naughty list.
Your chi is the only
"gift" I require.
Elvin: Secure Santa!
Huh?
Ooh!
(Door closes and locks)
Elf magic!
Elves: Aah! Unh!
Elves: Aah! Unh!
(Alarm ringing)
Second wave!
Go! Go! Go!
I see I shall
have to unwrap
my present later.
Elves: Unh!
Oh, my.
And to all,
a good night.
(Daolon laughs)
Thank you!
Merry Christmas!
Bye-bye!
- Hee hee hee hee hee!
Are you sure uncle
isn't running a fever?
Jade,
uncle loves Christmas.
It is when sales
are best. Ow!
Commercialism
not important!
Christmas spirit is.
AhhMother's recipe.
Yes. And we will be
so happy to see her
for the holidays,
tohru.
We-ird
we must leave some out
for "you-know-who."
Who?
Oh! I mean, um
I am sure Santa will be
very hungry tonight.
Tch. Nice try,
but I'm old enough
to know the lowdown on
the kris kringle scam.
Jade! You do not believe
in Santa claus?
Sure I do.
Just like I believe
in the tooth fairy.
Right, Jackie?
Gotcha!
I told you
the tooth fairy was sick
and I was filling in.
Tooth fairy
does not exist!
Ha! See?
But Santa claus
does.
I have research
to prove it.
(Doorbell rings)
Mommy!
Mmm!
Aah!
Captain black!
I am sorry.
That's all right, tohru.
I'm often mistaken for
elderly Japanese women.
Good tidings
to my favorite
unofficial agents.
Please tell me you
found ultramoose ii:
À antler gear solid,
yellow version.
I've called on all
of section 13's resources,
but the game
is sold out everywhere.
Oh, Jade will be
so disappointed.
(Doorbell rings)
Mommy!
Negatory.
(Gasps)
How may
I help you?
Name's elvin:
Head of security, north pole.
Whoa. You guys are
really going all out
to convince me,
aren't you?
I need your help.
The big red one
has been abducted.
(All gasping)
Haven't I seen you
in homeroom?
If what you say
is true, uh, elvin,
why come to us?
Not you. The magic man.
Pulled your credentials
from the nice list.
Very impressive.
We have reason to believe
you may know the perp.
Creative services
handcrafted this likeness.
(Gasps)
Daolon wong!
Oh, he's good.
But what would daolon wong
want with Santa?
Uh, revenge
for years of coal?
Jade: Duh.
Wong's part-grinch.
He wants
to ruin Christmas!
Not that Santa's
for real.
He may not be real
for long if we don't
find him, ma'am.
Daolon wong
wishes to possess
the extraordinary good chi
belonging to Santa claus.
Tch! Like
Santa's Chinese.
"Chi" is a universal
life force
which goes by
many names,
as do its 2 sides:
Yin and Yang,
dark and light,
naughty and nice.
Yes, well,
this wong character vanished
with the big cheese,
house and all.
We can't get a bead
on their whereabouts.
I'll put all
- of section 13's manpower
on this right away.
No! Magic
must find magic.
I will cast
a locator spell,
but I require an
item belonging
to Santa claus.
All his gear
is up at the pole,
including an empty sleigh
and toys that won't
get delivered tonight
if we don't act quickly.
But what about mommy?
I'll wait here
for her, tohru
Provided "sensei" thinks
I can handle it.
Tch. And how are
we supposed to get
all the way
to Santa's workshop
in time
to save Christmas?
Whoa.
(Elves chattering loudly)
(Gasps)
Tell me it's
the rescue team.
Check.
Thank goodness
you're here.
Mrs. claus phoned
from the Bahamas,
and we had to make like
everything was ok
so she wouldn't worry.
Enough chitchat!
Uncle needs ingredients!
Santa's workshop.
He is for real.
There's no margin
for error, guys.
If we're gonna save Santa,
we need more muscle.
Oh, she's having
one of her moments.
We needThe j-team!
(Indistinct chatter)
So after
the dot-com bust,
uh-huh.
I moved my money into
solid blue chip stock
uh-huh.
Like pharmaceuticals.
Excuse me.
Jade?
How did you--
you brought an elf
to a hanukkah party?
Viper,
here's the skinny:
The team's
on a rescue mission.
The stakes:
Kris kringle himself.
Sounds festive.
I'll grab
a costume change.
Are you guys in
or are you out?
You can depend
upon El toro fuerte.
And paco, too.
All right, team.
Let's just hope Santa's
still packing his chi.
(Gasps)
Forces of darkness,
spring forth
And Pierce the veil
of elf magic!
Oh, dear.
Mrrr!
Strange friend,
your desire
for cheese
will not prevail
against good.
Chi, not cheese!
There must be
a weak spot.
Daolon: Hmm?
Of course.
Keep 'em moving,
keep 'em moving.
Santa will return
Won't he?
Uncle needs
egg of sparrow!
Saliva of eel!
Foam of goat's milk!
(Groans)
Not foamy enough!
And bring snake tails!
From real snakes!
Uh, force of habit.
Do you want me
to locate Santa claus?!
Yes?!
Then where is personal item
belonging to him?!
Will these do?
Hot cha!
If you elves have
all this hocus-pocus,
why don't you guys
deliver the gifts?
Tradition.
We need reindeer,
a sleigh, and a Santa.
All things considered,
maybe it's time
to find a stand-in.
It takes
a very big man
to fill
- the big man's shoes.
How big we talkin'?
Oh, no.
Daolon: Whoa! Oh!
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
(Chanting)
Oh, dear.
Lookin' slick
for a trick St. Nick.
OhI have
a bad feeling about this.
So do I. This is
highly irregular.
So is Christmas morning
with no gifts
under the trees.
(Reciting incantation)
Oh!
The himalayas!
We have underwear
on the move.
That is where
we will find
Santa claus!
Grab some winterwear.
We're moving out!
Jade, I know you want
to come, but it is
far too dangerous.
And miss the joyride
of a lifetime?
We are Santa's helpers!
Ho ho ho!
No accent on 3.
It's just,
"ho ho ho."
Jade:
Come on, sumo claus.
Let's see
what this baby's
got under the hood.
don't forget
the nice list!
UhGiddyup.
Tch.
On, dasher, on, dancer,
on, prancer, on, ViXen!
Tohru: Uuhh!
Whoa!
Oh!
Tohru: On, donner,
on, comet,
on, cupid, on, blitzen!
Mommy?!
Jackie: You could not
get us any closer?
Elf magic
won't pop the bubble.
A dark chi
àforce field.
How do you suggest
we shake up
this snow globe?
Jade: First stop
26 maple street.
Down the chimney
you go!
Hit it, t!
ButI am not
chimney-friendly.
Eh--wu--oh!
Mmm
Cookies.
Child: Daddy!
A fake Santa's
eating Santa's cookies!
Come here, you!
Comet and cupid
got your back.
(Chanting)
Please, please
Think of the children.
Ahh
Your pleas
are fruitless.
For my soul,
dear kringle,
is as black
as coal.
(Chanting
evilly)
(Chanting)
(Chanting
evilly)
(Singsong
chanting)
OohEe
Fa la la la la
la la la la.
All: Whoa!
Chi Be mine!
All: Aah!
Huh?
Ooh
Ooh
Oh
All: Santa claus!
(Grunt)
Rescue team, sir.
(Hisses) Haaaah!
Arrrgghh!
Juarez piledriver!
Oh, my.
Oh
Sorry.
Ho ho!
No more dark barrier.
How many deliveries
have we made so far?
Only
That many more to go.
(Groans) Ohh
I'm a very bad
Santa.
Whoa!
Let's get you home,
sir.
Uh!
(Gasps)
ElfOr garden gnome?
Abominable snowmen.
Attack!
Santa: Oh, my.
(Chanting)
Jackie: Huh?
(Both chanting)
Mistletoe!
Aah!
Made you look!
Yeee-aaahh-ha!
Aah!
Watch as angels
lose their--
(sleigh bells)
Huh?
Jade: Deck his halls,
boys!
Aah!
Jade: Snow angel! Cool!
Code red.
(Hisses) Haaah!
Transport, I need
- a pickup on Santa's house
Asap.
Your sleigh.
Should I need
assistance
in the future,
I hope your fine
services will be
available, old chum.
IWould be
honored.
Ha. Had to check.
Ho ho ho! Splendid!
Thank you, everyone!
Oh! Only 3 stops?
Oh, dear.
We must boogie.
Hah!
Ho ho ho!
Ho ho ho ho!
I come to visit son
at Christmas
and spend all my time
talking to a stranger!
And talking
And talking
Tohru was very busy
substituting
for Santa claus!
I know.
I am so proud
of him!
One more thing.
Uh
Oh! Billy goat!
(Gasps)
My first mask!
(Chuckles) Wear it
proudly, paquito.
I shall never
remove it!
Closer together,
and
(Jade gasps)
Mistletoe!
Pucker up.
Say chi-- ooh!
Hey, it's for me!
Uh, Jade, with
all of the excitement,
I'm very sorry--
I did not have time
to complete the quest
for your
It's from Santa!
Ultramoose ii:
À antler gear solid!
Yellow version.
How did he know?
Come on, Jackie.
He's Santa claus.
(Everyone chattering)
Ok, everybody. Group hug!
All: Merry Christmas!
Hey, Jackie, what's
your favorite food?
I eat everything.
I only tell people,
try it before
you don't like it.
You have to try
the food.
"Ooh! What's that?
It smells, stink!"
It's not polite.
Eat first.
"Oh. That's not
good for me. Ok."
For me, I eat everything.
Yeah.