The Brady Bunch (1969) s03e10 Episode Script

1
Here's the story
Of a lovely lady
Who was bringing up
Three very lovely girls
All of them had hair of gold ♪
Like their mother
The youngest one in curls ♪
It's the story of a man named Brady ♪
Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪
They were four men living all together ♪
Yet they were all alone ♪
Till the one day
when the lady met this fellow ♪
And they knew that it was
much more than a hunch ♪
That this group
must somehow form a family ♪
That's the way we all
became the Brady Bunch ♪
The Brady Bunch
The Brady Bunch
That's the way we became
the Brady Bunch. ♪
Thank you.
Here's my essay, Mrs. Watson.
Thank you.
Oh, what a splendid title, Jan.
"What America Means To Me."
I hope the judges like it.
I hope so, too.
Incidentally, I'm very pleased
with the way that your work
has been improving, Jan.
Thank you.
Of course, I always expect
great things from a Brady.
Oh?
Your sister Marcia
was one of the best students I ever had.
I know, you've told me.
And I'm sure that if you try hard enough
you can do as well as your sister.
Thank you.
I'll see you tomorrow.
Hi, Jan.
Hi, Marcia.
Hello, Mrs. Watson.
Oh, Marcia, we were
just talking about you.
Yeah.
Hey, wait a minute.
I stopped by to walk home with you.
I think I can do that all by myself.
Gee I wonder what's bugging her.
Mother?
Mom?
Hi, honey.
Mom, have you seen my awards?
They're not on my shelf.
No, I haven't.
Well, they were there
when I left for school this morning.
Well, maybe Alice took them
down to dust them.
That must be it. Thanks.
Alice?
Oh, yeah?
Did you take my awards down to dust?
No, I didn't, Marcia.
They were in the usual place
when I cleaned this morning.
Well, they're not there now.
We'll find them, sweetie.
A whole lifetime of achievements
were on that shelf.
All my years of hard work.
All my awards.
Gone, gone, gone.
And you never got a dramatic award?
Alice, it isn't funny.
Well, they've got to be
around somewhere, honey.
What about the boys?
Maybe they're pulling one of their jokes.
The boys
they sure do have
a dumb sense of humor.
GREG: You missed again.
Now watch a master
show you how to do it.
I can do that without being a master.
Watch me, you guys.
Any questions?
All right, you guys.
Now which one of you took them?
Took what?
You know what.
Marcia, we didn't take anything.
And we're trying to play ball.
They're just trying.
I know how.
Hey, give me it.
No.
( Kids shouting )
Nobody gets the ball
until I get a straight answer.
( Kids shouting )
GREG: What do you want me to do
take it right out of your hands?
Hey Hey, what's all
the yelling about, huh?
She stole our ball.
I'm just trying to find out
what they did with my school awards.
They took them from my room.
We did not.
At least, I didn't.
Me neither. I wouldn't touch them.
I can't even reach them.
Well, fellas, let's
stop kidding around, huh?
Honest, Dad, I didn't lay a hand on 'em.
Me, neither.
I'm too short.
MARCIA: Well, somebody took them.
Mom hasn't seen them
and neither has Alice.
All right, honey, don't worry.
Come on, I'm sure we'll find them.
Here.
Marcia, were the boys responsible
for the missing awards?
Well, they said they weren't.
Marcia, if you're through with these
can I have them?
Where did you find my awards, Cindy?
In the closet in my room.
The closet?
What on earth were they doing there?
Hey, I could scratch your name
off, Marcia, and put mine on it.
Sorry, Cindy.
Cindy Brady. Class President.
Hey, that would be really neat.
I wonder how they got in the closet.
Thanks for finding them, Cindy.
You're welcome.
I wonder who could
have done that, Mike?
I don't know, honey.
Everybody's denied it
I guess except one person Jan.
But why would Jan do it?
That's a good question.
Oh, Jan, did you put
these awards of mine
in the closest?
What if I did?
Well, why would you do a thing like that?
Because I felt like it, that's why.
What kind of a dumb reason is that?
I want to know why you did it.
It's none of your business.
Jan, wait a minute!
I don't care to discuss it.
Come back here!
Honey, hand me a
screw, would you? Sure.
MARCIA: Well, you must
admit it was a goofy thing to do!
JAN: So I'm goofy! What's that to you?
MARCIA: You can at least tell me why!
Hand me another screw, would you?
MARCIA: That's not the point.
JAN: It is as far as I'm concerned.
MARCIA: But it was
such a dumb thing to do.
Was it something
I did to make you mad?
JAN: I told you, I don't
want to talk about it.
MARCIA: Just tell me why you did it.
I don't have to tell you anything.
Oh, hi.
What's all the yelling up there?
What's wrong?
Oh, nothing. Nothing at all.
Uh-huh. That's the kind of nothing
that bothers me the most.
Come on.
I didn't hurt the awards.
Marcia always makes such
a big deal out of everything.
Jan, if those had been your awards
and Marcia had
dumped them somewhere
wouldn't you be upset, too?
I guess.
But every time Marcia turns around
they hand her a blue ribbon
or something.
Oh, now, Jan, you know that isn't so.
Marcia's worked very hard
for those things.
Well, all I hear all day long at school
is how great Marcia is at this
or how wonderful Marcia did that.
Marcia, Marcia, Marcia.
Now, sweetheart
JAN: All those awards
staring me in the face was too much.
I'm tired of being in
Marcia's shadow all the time.
Now, Jan, you're not
in anybody's shadow.
Well, Marcia's three years older
than you.
She should have more
to show for herself.
Maybe. But everything
comes so easy for her.
Oh, Jan, come on. You have
to be realistic about this.
Nobody, nobody, has smooth
sailing all the time.
Well, that's right.
Marcia has her disappointments, too.
She doesn't always win.
You'll never guess what.
I just got a call from the school.
I've been made editor
of the school newspaper!
That's fine, honey.
That's great, Marcia.
I've got to call Jennifer.
She'll just flip.
See what I mean?
She wants to be editor
boom, she's editor.
Jan, you're really not being fair.
You know that Marcia's
been working on that for months.
Look, honey, now, if you really feel
you're in your sister's shadow
do something about it.
Get out and develop your own talent.
That's right, Jan.
Some of us are good at one thing
and some of us are good at another.
It's like your father and I always say
find out what you do best
and then do your best with it.
Maybe you're right.
But what can I do best?
Well, if you keep your eyes open
I'll bet you something will present itself.
This is the opportunity
I've been waiting for, Katie.
Hey, I think I'll try out
for pom-pom girl, too.
I'm going to start
practicing right after school.
That's one thing my sister's never done
been a pom-pom girl.
Oh, do you have one
of those sisters, too?
Have I ever.
But I'll show her.
Alice, the news can't be all that bad.
Well, you know what they say
no news is good news.
What are you cutting up the papers for?
I'm not cutting up papers.
I am creating.
Creating? Creating what?
Pom-poms. Jan wants to join
a pom-pom squad at school.
She wants to practice,
so I am creating pom-poms.
Oh, now I get it.
The strips of paper,
you tie them to the spoons
and pom-poms.
Oh, well, now that you've
got the idea in your heads,
hey, how about a little help?
Sure.
This is fun.
GREG: You know, pom-pom
girls are really important.
Last year, our team was terrible
but the cheers were great.
Like what, for instance?
I said, hey, hey, what do you say?
Who's going to win the game today?
I say, ho, ho,
what do you know? The score we've got
is going to grow. I say, hey, hey, ho, ho,
come on, team, let's go, go, go!
Hey, that's great.
Go, go, go!
Well, I hate to say it, fellas,
but I think we did it better in my day.
Oh, yeah? Like what?
Oh. Well, uh
Popcorn, peanuts, onion soup!
We want a touchdown,
boop-boop-ee-doop!
Boop-boop-ee-doop?
I think that's a little old-fashioned, Alice.
Well, in my day, it was just right on
as heavy, man, is today.
Hey, I heard a great cheer
at Peter's basketball game the other day,
but I'll need some help
from you guys, okay?
Okay. Sure.
Give me a "B"!
"B"! "B"!
Give me another "B"!
"B"! "B"!
Give me another "B"!
"B"! "B"!
What does it spell?!
What does it spell?
What does it spell?
B-b-b, b-b-b, b-b-b!
Yeah, that was a really great one, Bobby.
Hey, there they are. They're finished.
How do they look?
Great.
Why don't you try them?
Okay.
And
Hey!
Can I turn it on?
No, I better limber up first.
How can you practice
being a pom-pom girl
without any pom-poms?
Alice is making me some.
Well, I've heard of flying saucers,
but shoes?
I was just warming up, Mom.
ALICE: Anyone for pom-poms?
Those look like mops, Alice.
When they're down here they're mops.
When up here, they're pom-poms.
Alice!
It's the best I could do in short notice.
Thanks, Alice.
Well, come on, honey,
let's see you do your stuff.
Okay, Cindy now.
( "Washington Post March" playing )
( Chuckles )
Well, she certainly is working hard at it.
I sure hope she makes it, Dad.
Yeah.
Hey, maybe I could give
Jan a few pointers
and show her some steps I learned
when I was trying out for pom-pom girl.
Marcia, now I know you
want to be helpful,
but I think under the circumstances
you better not, hmm?
Yeah. I'm the last person
she'd want help from.
But I sure am rooting for her.
Well, I think she'd like to know that.
Why don't you tell her?
I sure will.
( Music stops, applause )
Oh hey, that's good!
Oh, thanks.
Boy, you've been working.
Yeah, but I still have
to practice a whole lot.
Oh, that's okay.
Jan?
Yeah?
I was watching you rehearse before.
I just want you to know
I think you're doing great.
You really do, Marcia?
You might even be chosen
to be the leader, Miss Pom-Pom.
Wow. Thanks.
Well, I just wanted you
to know how I felt.
That's all.
That means a lot to me, Marcia.
( "Washington Post March" playing )
It's really hard to do it by myself.
There's supposed to be three other girls.
What do you think you're doing?
We're just trying to help.
That's all.
Hey, that's a great idea.
Bobby, you get over there
and, Peter, you stand right there.
Jan could use some help.
Oh, yes, you boys will
make lovely pom-pom girls.
I'm not gonna be any pom-pom girl.
I'm not even gonna be a pom-pom boy.
I really could use some help.
Well, I'll lend a leg.
I once won a twist contest.
Oh, I may have one good kick left.
Okay, now what do we do?
This is a different one.
Okay, so we go, right, left, right, kick.
Left, right, left, kick.
Hey, this is fun.
Come on, Alice. Get up there.
Whoo!
Oh, oh, uh-oh.
What's the matter?
That's my two-way stretch.
I think it just went three ways.
( Marching music playing )
Thank you, that was very nice.
The last girl up is Jan Brady.
Ready, Jan?
Yes, ma'am.
( March playing )
Thank you, Jan.
You were all wonderful, girls.
But, as you know,
we only need four pom-pom girls.
And the ones we've selected to
represent the school this year
are Gloria Harper
Katie Rand
Judy Smith
and Laura Richmond.
Thank you, girls.
That's all for today.
I wanted to go over
to try to cheer Jan up,
but I thought I'd just
make her feel more upset.
Jan wanted that so badly, too.
She worked so hard for it.
If there was any way I thought
I could make her feel better,
I'd gladly give back all my awards.
MIKE: Well, when she gets home
let's not bring up that pom-pom thing.
If she wants to talk about it, she will.
I doubt it. She's absolutely miserable.
JAN: Hi! Have I got terrific news!
You made the pom-pom team.
No. Better.
Remember my essay on Americanism?
It won the contest.
I finished the first in the whole school!
Oh, that's wonderful! Hey, that's great.
Sensational!
After I bombed out in the pom-pom trials.
Mrs. Watson was waiting to tell me.
My essay won 98
out of a possible 100 points.
98?
Yes, the highest anybody ever got.
The closest was Nora Coombs with 95.
Oh, Jan, we're so proud of you!
Monday morning, at assembly,
in front of the whole student body,
I'm going to be presented
with a certificate in the Honor Society.
Oh, I'll make that the headline story
in the school newspaper.
Tell me, Miss Brady,
how does it feel to be a celebrity?
No different, darling.
I'm so used to it.
I've been one for almost an hour.
As the mother of a celebrity, Mrs. Brady,
would you care to tell us
anything about her childhood?
Oh, yes, I'd love to.
Well, you know,
she always was a genius.
She learned to say
"mommy" and "daddy"
before she was six years old.
One more question, please.
Sorry, Miss. I cannot go on any longer
it's been a most exhausting day.
Well, everything's back to normal.
Finally, I did it
something Marcia has never done
in her whole life.
98 points.
"Spelling, 15; Grammar, 14;
Neatness, 14;
"Originality of Idea, 15; Composition, 15;
Presentation, 10; Literary Style, 10"
That only adds up to 93.
It is only 93.
I didn't win.
Nora Coombs did.
Jan, everybody thinks you won.
But I didn't.
Nobody but you and I know that.
We're not going to tell, are we?
How can I take an honor
I haven't earned?
Listen, they owe it to you.
You should have been a pom-pom girl.
You were the best one there.
Ta-da-da-da-da!
Congratulations,
Honor Society Woman of the Year.
I'm going to bake you a cake
the size of Mount Rushmore,
but much sweeter.
( All yelling congratulations )
Hey, that's great!
Hey, is this it?
Yes, that's it.
I'm not going to steal it.
I just want to see your terrific score.
But I don't want you
to smudge it or anything.
98, wow.
I hope I grow up to be as smart as you.
Yeah, you could use it.
Well, congratulations again, Jan.
Yeah, that's really good!
You finally did something
Marcia never did.
You're not going
to throw that away, are you?
I guess everybody would
be awfully disappointed.
Your mother and father
would be crushed.
You can't let them down.
Besides, you have it coming to you.
I'm happy to say that
the PTA bazaar raised $87
for the student activity fund.
The Dramatic Society's annual play
will be postponed one week.
The lab schedules for Science 9B
will be posted on the
bulletin boards tomorrow.
And any students wishing to
volunteer for Cleanup Week
kindly give their names
to Mrs. Atterbury.
Proud?
Nah.
Now I'm going to turn over
the microphone to Mrs. Watson
who has a very important
announcement to make
regarding the Honor Society Award.
Mrs. Watson.
( Applause )
As you all know, this is the time of year
when our students compete
for a place in the Honor Society.
Wait, Mrs. Watson.
Oh, I'm afraid the announcement
I was about to make has to be changed.
I just learned that an error was made
in scoring the essay contest.
The winner of the Honor Society Award
is not Jan Brady.
It is Nora Coombs with a score of 95.
We will present Nora's award
at assembly next week
so her parents can be present.
I wish I had a special award
for Jan Brady
for calling this error to my attention.
She has today set a standard
of sportsmanship and honesty
that truly gives meaning
to the words, "Honor Society."
I'm sure Jan's parents
are very proud of her.
Her behavior today should
be an example to all of us.
And I wanted to win
at something so badly
I didn't know what to do.
Well, Jan, sometimes
when we lose, we win.
You really created
a sensation yesterday, Jan.
Oh?
Yeah. My room was still
buzzing about it today.
Oh, thanks.
Hi.
Hi.
What's the matter with you?
You're the matter with me.
What do you mean?
They changed my room in school today.
I got one of your old teachers.
So what?
She heard about what you did.
Now all I hear all day
is what a great sister I have.
Jan, Jan, Jan.
Look, Cindy,
some of us are good at one thing
and some of us at another.
That's right.
So find what you do best
and do your best with it.
It isn't going to be easy.
Why not?
I'm good at so many different things.
( Humming )
Hi, there.
Hi. You're sure in a good mood.
Yes, I am, and it's all thanks to you.
Me? What did I do?
Well, you cut my housework in half.
How did I do that?
By teaching me those cheers.
Now, you know the way I usually dust
you know, like this?
Pretty dull work, right? I guess so.
Well now, thanks to you
Rickety-rack, rickety-rust,
give it a flick and away goes the dust!
Rickety-rack, rickety-rust,
give it a flick and away goes the dust!
Rickety-rickety-rickety-rickety