Hannah Montana s03e11 Episode Script

Hey, I'm Jason Earles from Hannah Montana.
And you're watching Disney Channel.
Who wants the last "achey breaky," "everybody wakey," "do a little shakey" pancakey? You've already had two, piggy! Oh, wow! I didn't know you could count that high.
Now give it! I'm still a growing boy! Not since the fourth grade you're not.
Now hand it over! All right.
Your mom wanted kids.
I wanted dogs.
I still want dogs.
Now work it out.
You're right.
Jackson? I have a simple solution.
Ha! Ha! Sixteen years and still making rookie mistakes! Dad, how about I make you a little deal? We move.
Don't say where we're going and I'll get you any dog you want.
Darling you say that now but When he goes away to College, I guarantee you're going to miss him.
And Jackson says you're not funny! You know your Uncle Earl and I, we used to fight all the time.
When he went away to College those were the four saddest days of my life.
Dad, I can honestly tell you, I am not going to miss that pancake poaching, syrup stealing mud crunkie! Honey, I know your brother's got a lot of faults.
One of them being that he don't think I'm funny.
Let's face it.
My Scooby Doo is way better than his.
Rippo Rolly (Miley) Zoyce (Yes), that's hilarious.
Anyway, the point is you're brother and sister.
For me, please.
Just try and work it out.
OK Fine.
I'll try it.
Just for you.
Let go of my tights! Not until you apologize for ruining my razor on those sandpaper legs! Or did you use it to mow your girlstache! Well, at least I can grow a stache.
Now let go! You're ruining them.
Dangflabit! Can't a man bleach his teeth in peace around here? He started it! Ooopsie.
Son? You OK? Ow my head! You're head? My tights! Who are you, guys? Very funny, Jackson.
Who's Jackson? Oh Sweet Pete, I think he's serious! Who's Sweet Pete? Oh, my gosh! I don't know anything! OK now, let's not panic.
It's not like he knew that much before.
You get the limo out front.
Hottest styles, every shoe, every color.
Yea when your famous it can be kinda fun.
It's really you but no one ever discovers.
Who would've thought that a girl like me would double as a superstar? You get the best of both worlds.
Chill it out, take it slow, then you rock out the show.
You get the best of both worlds.
Mix it all together and you know that It's the best of both worlds.
Hannah Montana S03E11 Knock, Knock, Knockin' on Jackson's Head They have been gone for two hours.
What is taking them so long! I know what it is.
The doctors have never seen a brain as small as Jackson's.
They probably want to do some experiments on it.
Put it in a jar or something.
Lilly, this is serious! And besides, it wouldn't be a jar.
Be more like a this little thimble.
Well, we're waiting on some test results But it looks like amnesia.
The good news is It only lasts a few weeks.
He really doesn't remember anything? Well, he remembers some things but others are a complete blank.
Watch! Jackson, who is the first President of the United States? George Washington? And who am I? George Washington? I'm your father! My father is George Washington? NO! Your father is Robby Ray Stewart! Why is she yelling at me, George? Boy! Wait! Do you remember who I am? My girlfriend? WhatWhatWhat? No, no.
I am your sister.
Lilly, please hit me over the head so I'll forget he ever said that.
Are you my girlfriend? No, no.
Eh see.
.
You don't have a girlfriend! Make her stop yelling at me, George! I got an idea! Why don't I get a few family-momentos.
A few photos, see if I can jog his memory just a little bit.
I know what I'mma do it! Dad, please do not get out that stinkin' old mullet again! I am not doing it for me, I am doing it for the health and well-being of my son! Heyo mullet, Pappa is taking you for a ride So, you really don't remember anything about us? Sorry but I know that you are my sister, 'cause that's what you told me.
Is there anything else you could tell me? Like do we get along? Get along? Are you kidding? You wash up the ground I walk on.
Oh, OK! Excuse us for a second.
Are you sure you wanna do this? Come on! Dad says it's only for a few weeks.
Why don't we have a little fun? Hey, by the way You love making my bed, vaccuming my room and making me breakfast.
Oh, oh oh oh, and eh You owe me twenty bucks! What? You can do it and I can't? In triangle A B and C if A and B are acute angles and sine A equals ten over thirteen what's the value of cosine A? What kind of alien mutant mind would know that! Over thirteen.
Hey Rico, do you want to help me with my Forget it! I've got my own problems.
My cousin Angus is coming from Australia.
You have a cousin named Angus? His real name is Alejandro Nunes Gonzales Umberto Sifuentes Why do you call him Angus? Because it's easier than calling him Alejandro Nunes Gonzales Umberto Sifuentes I hate it when he visits! Obnoxious jerk.
All he ever does is one up me.
I catch a fish, he wrestles an alligator.
I'm voted model student of the month, he's voted Australia's swim suit model of the year! G'day mate! And the torture begins! Hey Hey, he looks just like Yeah yeah.
I know.
He's gorgeous don't rub it in.
Excuse me, love.
Cricket's Ricky, it's good to see ya! Yeah yeah, you too, Alejandro.
And that shirt Crickey! I love the way how you don't give a dingle about how you look! Good on ya, mate! Yeah? Well, I'm I'm kinda busy here with my very successful beach front bistro.
Right.
Well, whenever you can pull yourself away you've gotta grab some grub with me and my sweetie! Auhh, here she is now! Oh, she's pretty Pr.
.
probably not very bright.
Cous, I'd like you to meet Barbie! Hi! Hi.
Yeah.
Well, I'd like you to meet my sweetie Lilly What? Yep.
I'm a little love monkey.
Love what? Want a math tutor or not? Argh we're free tomorrow after school if that's okay with you love monkey.
Dad! How long does it take you to put on a hat and mustache? I got the limo out front hottest styles every show every let's go already! There she is.
The prettiest sister in the whole world And the greatest pop star ever.
Oh you're so sweet.
You know what else is sweet? Hemm! You favorite pre-concert stra-nana berry protein milkshake! Yay! Just like you told me I've been making for years.
Just trying to jog the old memory! It may just be a hat and a mustache to you But to me it's my entire disguise and I take it very seriously! Whoa wee! Who is that handsome devil? Napkin me.
Anything for you my goddess.
My goddess? Yeah.
That's my nickname for her.
At least that's what it said in my diary.
His diary? Yeah.
I was up all night writing it! You know I was just trying to Help him remember the person that he was Or should've been.
Miley, you might not want to Don't worry I threw a little something in there for you too.
Look, try out the old scoobie.
He doesn't like my scoobie.
Trust me.
Wooo Woo, Jackson! My diary was right! Your scooby is genius! See! And you said he couldn't be changed.
Travel mug, please.
Done and done.
Oh most awesomest divine delight of my life.
Divine delight of my life? Let me guess.
Your diary.
He got it word for word! His memory just keeps getting better and better! "My Rico is the love monkey who carries me off into a magical jungle of romance?" I can't say this I got last nights lasagne coming up just thinking about it.
And I hope you like flunking math?! You're an evil little monkey, aren't you! And loving it! Oh look, it's the Rico blackmail dance.
What's he got on you? I have to pretend to be Rico's girlfriend so he'll tutor me in math.
Been there.
But, if it helps at all My life is fantastic! That helps me how? Well, good morning Selfish-Sally! Jackson's amnesia is the best thing that is ever happened to me.
This morning he made me breakfest, cleaned my room and made my bed all while my nails dried.
He did your nails? Both sets and he pumiced, feel my heels Like a baby's butt, huh? Oh my gosh.
Look, it's Gabe Lamotti! Huh? Hottie Lamotti with the swimmers body? Oh my gosh, he is looking at me! I have been making subtle hints for two years! OK, Totally messing up his name every time you talk to him is not a subtle hint.
I do not do that! Hey Miley! Hottie Gottie body Gabe.
How you doing? Good, I am so good.
I am so good! So you argh feel like taking a walk on the beach? That would be so Good? Good, yeah, good.
There you are! Left the house without your sunscreen, silly girl! Ah,I think I'm covered.
Not yet you aren't.
I wouldn't want my little sis to get burned.
And speaking of getting burned You are Argh I'm Gabe.
Grade point average? Twenty-two.
Any plans for College? Not yet.
Career goals? I'm only sixteen! Get out! What! I said get out, Mister Man! Listen, I'll catch you later, Miley.
No! No! No! You! I know that was close, wasn't it? But don't worry from now on Gabey Baby and any other seemingly perfect male specimen will never get near you again.
Never? Ever! Now let me get those ears! Here's your lunch, grilled ham and cheese cut in the shape of a heart! Cause I love you! Go away! Oh, don't worry, I used soy cheese You know how dairy cheese makes the Miley-train go.
Toot Toot! Hey Lilly, don't you look cute as a button! He is suffocating me! Yeah! Well I'd still take your amnesia brother over evil little monkey bug, yukety-yuck, gross, disgusting Slimy, repulsive, bottom-feeding, ferret-faced little math freak.
Well other than that, hubba-hubba right? Hey Miley, we got kind of interrupted yesterday.
Babe Gabe Hi! Babe Gabe Bye! Your handsome is not welcome here.
Wow.
No no girl is worth this Yeah, Yeah, just keep on walking and that goes for every b-slide babe magnet in this school.
That means you and you Not so much you But But wait till you see the guy that I found for you.
It's nose-whistle Wallie! Hi, Miley! I'll call you later.
Can I pick 'em or what? Aha.
The new Jackson is ruining my life! I swear if the Doctor hadn't said the amnesia was only temporary, I would create a third identity just to get away from him! Or a red head this time! Curly maybe OK.
Thanks, Doc.
Well.
You might want to go wig shopping.
The doctor just gave me the test results.
It says this could possibly last for years.
Years? Possibly forever.
Daddy who better be ready to catch me say what? What? Everybody let's chill.
Do the ice cream freeze Strike your pose Then you do the milkshake Shake it shake it down low Do the snow cone slide, left to right Put your hands in the air We could party all night Do the ice cream freeze Strike your pose I love you, Hannah Montana! She's my sister Jackson Hold on sis.
It's my Hannah Montana power hour.
You are amazing! And you are the perfect brother.
Well, thank you.
Which is why you must be destroyed! Excuse me? Jackson! Who you think you are is not who you really are.
This is what I made you.
I turned you into the brother that I thought I wanted.
The truth is you're bratty and stinky and sloppy and lazy and stinky and horrible to live with and And you're stinky! But I would take that over this! Oh, you! Talented and funny! As if I needed more reasons to adore you! You don't adore me! Yeah, it says I do in my diary.
I wrote you diary! See, you look.
What boy dots his "i"s with hearts? I thought I was just sensitive! No.
Look.
This is my handwriting and I'll prove it to you.
I love Miley.
See? You're right.
It's identical.
We both dot our "i"s with hearts! Until we met, my life was an empty pit of despair.
I love you, Angus! Right back at you, my Didgeridoo.
Yeah, yeah.
Touching! Get a load of this.
You're on tuts! Eh, My Rico is the eh, magical monkey love of my hearts A jungle monkey.
This is why you're flunkin math.
You don't study! You call that romantic? I'll show you romantic! Cinco Seis! Siete Ocho! You call that dancing? I'll show you dancing! Just follow my lead! Follow your whaaa? How do you not remember this? You made the beard out of your own armpit hair.
Smell it, that is all you! What kind of a twisted jerk would do that? The same jerk that made this.
The Hannah Montana dart board, we've got the Hannah Mon-toilet seat.
And The Hannah Mon-slamma bop bag.
Try it! It's fun! No, I couldn't, I couldn't, no! Come on! I could never do that! G'day mates! S'cuse me for dropping in.
Which way to Rico's? Good on you, mates! Come on, Jackson, you gotta remember this one.
I finally got Bobby Lenworthy to come over and watch a movie with me and look! I would never do something that immature.
Farts aren't funny! Farts aren't funny? Oh no, Jackson, Jackson, Jackson.
Mile, what's wrong? He's gone, daddy.
Our little boy is gone You miss him, huh? More than I ever thought I would.
I want my rotten stinkin, pancake stealing brother back.
Well, it sure took you long enough.
Right in the nose, just above the Hannah-stache.
Jackson? Jackson! Jackson?! Amaze you? What do you think this is? An episode of Gilligan's Island? So this is all a joke? Daddy, I think you know what you gotta do.
Yes, I do! Way to go, son! Wait, wait, wait! You were part of this? Why? To hear you say what you just now said "I want my brother back!" I know he drives you crazy sometimes But I think you know now that the brother you have is the brohter you want.
And I did it 'cause he promised me a car.
You are the most selfish, self-centered and miserable excuse for a brother in the world.
Welcome back! I don't get it.
You seem nice.
Why do you like that Kangoo-runt? I don't.
What I like is passing Spanish and the Didgerie-dork promised to tutor me.
Duck! No way.
My little Kun-fool promised to tutor me in math.
Auh, heads up! You know I'm pretty good in math And I'm A.
P.
in Spanish Hey, we don't need them.
We can tutor each other.
You're on! We should propably tell them the deal is off.
You know, I would.
But it's not in my notecards! Mine, either.