Happy Days (1974) s03e11 Episode Script
Three on a Porch
1
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪
Ready to race to you ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪Oh, baby ♪
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪
Rocking and rolling all week long ♪
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
Saturday, what a day ♪
Groovin' all week with you ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪
Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, baby ♪
These happy days ♪
Are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours ♪
And mine, Happy Days! ♪
Happy Days is filmed before a live audience.
Whatcha gonna do when the well runs dry? ♪
You're gonna run away and hide ♪
And I'm gonna run right by your side ♪
For you pretty baby I'd even drown ♪
Walkin' ♪
Yes, indeed, I'm talkin' ♪
'Bout you and me I'm hopin' ♪
That you'll come back to me. ♪
All right, what's with the sad little faces here, huh?
Come on, buck up. Dry up those little tears.
What happened, someone steal your little red wagon?
Oh, come on, Fonz.
I don't have my red wagon anymore.
It's Easter vacation, Fonz.
So? Oh, someone stole your Easter bonnet
with all the frills upon it.
None of us got nothing to do all week.
This is going to be the worst Easter vacation I've had
since I had my appendix taken out.
Every sharp girl in Milwaukee
is going to be out of town on vacation somewhere.
What are you going to be doing over Easter, Fonz?
Hey, who knows, man?
I just hang loose.
Yeah.
I've been hanging loose for 17 years.
I'm still hanging.
Why don't you get cool, huh?
Why don't you spend a week up at Lake Whitefish?
I don't like to fish.
The bait makes me sick.
You block brain, I'm talking about women.
Lake Whitefish is loaded with women.
Yeah, but isn't that more of a college crowd, Fonz?
Yeah, what's all the women
going to want with three high school guys?
Well, absolutely nothing, but who's going to know?
You see, down here you've already built your rep, right?
Three boring high school boys who like to sulk.
Up there, you can be anybody you want.
You mean we could be like you, Fonz?
Hey, hey, hey you've got to walk before you can run.
Here it is guys, here it is!
"Cabin rentals, Lake Whitefish."
It's a local call.
"Fun and sun, capital of Wisconsin."
Right, call them, call them.
No, it has to be someone who sounds grown up.
They won't rent it to kids. You're right.
You call, Richie, you sound more mature.
You think so? No, but it's your dime.
Come on, here's the number.
Think mature.
Yeah, I can make it with college girls.
I shave.
Hello, operator, I'd like to
place a call to Lake Whitefish.
Uh, yes, the number is 552-333.
Yes, thank you very much.
Why do I have to sound older for the operator?
Good practice. Yeah, come on.
It's ringing, it's ringing.
Hello? Is this Uncle Tom's Cabins?
Yes, yes, this is an adult businessman speaking.
I'm inquiring for my associates and myself
as to the availability of a cabin rental.
Yes, for Easter recess.
I mean, business vaca Business vacation.
Yes, you have something available?
The, uh, the front part of a house.
Who's in the back part?
Young women?
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Let's be cool. Just cool it for a second.
Cool it.
Excuse me, my secretaries fell off my lap.
Find out how much it is. Yes.
Those accommodations sound as though
they will be suitable.
Now let's talk dollars and cents.
$75, no cents.
Take it, take it, take it. It's a bargain.
Right, right, yes.
That will be fine.
Yes, my name is Mr. Richard Cunningham.
Cunningham and Associates.
Yes. Yes, we'll be the three men
who are much older than we look.
Right, thank you very much.
We did it!
Whitefish.
Hey, guys, all we've go to do now
is come up with 25 bucks apiece.
Yeah. No sweat, no sweat at all.
Ol' Ralphie Malphie has everything under control.
We'll just get it where every able-bodied,
young American boy gets money.
Where? Where?
Mommy and Daddy.
Dad?
Uh, Dad?
Uh, listen, uh
do you remember the first time that you went away
somewhere with just your friends?
Sure. Where'd you go?
World War II.
Well, Dad, all right, listen, can I be straight with you?
Of course you can, Richard, what is it?
Well, Ralph and Potsie are going to Lake Whitefish
on a nature retreat, and, uh, and they want me
to come along and help them.
Help what?
Oh, you know Dad.
Just, just help them, with, uh
with nature, and, uh, first aid, and you know,
identifying species, stuff like that.
I thought all they cared about were girls.
Oh, no, Dad.
Ralph and Potsie are much deeper than they look.
Deeper, huh?
Today, they were bouncing a golf ball
off the side of our house for three hours.
Dad, this means a lot to them.
And they really need my help, and well, see,
it costs 25 bucks per person, so what do you say?
I don't think so, Richard.
Why not?
Well, two reasons.
One, $25 is a lot of money,
and two, that story is the biggest pile of garbage
I've ever heard in my life.
Come on, for $25 you can come up
with a much better lie than that.
All right, Dad.
It's not a, it's not a nature retreat. Mm-hmm.
We rented a cabin for 75 bucks.
We're going up there to meet girls.
Now, what do you say?
That's the way I like to hear you talk!
Great, then you'll do it?
Maybe another time.
How come?
Well, I just can't spare the money right now, Richard.
Then what you're saying is, I can go if I can
raise the money myself, huh, Dad, huh?
Raise the money for what, dear?
Oh, nothing, Mom, nothing.
He wants to go up to Lake Whitefish and chase girls.
Oh, well, good luck, dear.
Bye-bye love ♪
Bye-bye happiness ♪
Yeah, my dad's cheap, too.
He didn't give me a dime.
Well, at least I got permission to go
if I can get the money.
Big deal, I got permission, too.
I banged my head against the icebox
until they said I could go.
No problems, guys, no problems. Big bucks.
How'd you get that? That's great, Pots.
The minute I said I wanted to go away,
my mother started packing my suitcase
and my dad shoved this into my hand.
Boy, that's love, huh?
Well, at least we got the deposit now. Yeah.
What do you mean? Where's the rest of the money?
Didn't you guys come through?
Well, our parents
were anxious to get rid of us, too,
but not at any price.
What am I supposed to do with this $25?
Sit on it, Potsie.
Very funny.
But meanwhile, we're still stuck here in Milwaukee.
Hey, Cunningham,
can I borrow your letter man sweater for the weekend?
I got a hot date. No.
Wait a minute!
Wait a minute, it's yours.
What are you talking about?
We're going to rent him your sweater.
What do you mean, rent my sweater?
It's my letter man sweater.
I ran the mile in seven minutes to get this sweater.
Richard, what would you like to do this Easter?
Meet girls or wear your sweater?
All right.
I'll rent it to you for ten.
I'll give you two.
Close enough, it's yours.
Attention! Attention!
Okay, everybody, get a grip.
Tomorrow, everybody brings cash.
It's the first annual
Richie-Ralph-Potsie Rummage Sale.
You guys go home and get everything you want to sell.
Ralph, do you have a lot of stuff?
Sure. You want to know something?
I still have my little red wagon.
Gather round, everybody.
New merchandise just arrived.
Everything must go.
Come and get it.
We got a 45 record rack right here.
45 record rack.
We got a acorn pipe. An acorn pipe.
We got a Slinky. A Slinky.
A Slinky, how much do you want for that?
Oh, come on, Ralph.
We got earmuffs right here.
We got a we got a rubber snake.
We got a book report
from The Red Badge of Courage.
This one got a B-plus.
Everything on this table must go for 50 cents.
Thank you very much. How are we doing, Ralph?
We still need another $27.
Let's get to the big money stuff there, Pots.
Okay, here's a very special item.
A genuine fake I.D. driver's license.
Drink and drive in any state.
No bargaining, ten bucks. Who wants it?
I'll take it. You've got it.
All right.
Hey, I can't use this. Why not?
I'm not a 52-year-old Negro woman.
Seven dollars.
Ralph, give him back three dollars.
No cash refunds.
Here, take an Uncle Miltie bow tie.
That's worth three dollars.
Don't cheat people, Ralph.
Why not? We're going out of business.
How we doing now, Ralph, huh?
We're still about $15 short.
And we don't have $15 worth of stuff left.
Like, who's going to buy your old retainer?
How's it going, guys?
Not so good, Fonz. We're not going to make it.
Well, how much more do you need?
Another 15 bucks.
All right, this is from the Fonz to you,
a very Happy Easter.
All right, now listen up, girls!
One time, one time only.
Line right up here, kiss the Fonz for a buck.
Now that's a bargain at any price!
Richard, I want to have a little talk
with you about your trip.
Now listen, you're going away,
and I want you to have a good time, but, uh
well, you know, there are limits, huh?
Oh, I know what you're saying, Dad.
You want me to have a good time, but, uh,
not too good, right?
Hey, good morning, all.
Am I glad I caught you, Cunningham.
I want to give you some advice, right?
You go up to Lake Whitefish.
I want you to break all the rules.
I want you to have a ball.
I don't you to have no holds barred.
You get my drift, huh? Right, Mr. C?
I'm going to work.
Richard
have a reasonably good time, if you get my drift.
Thanks a lot, Dad.
He's such a worrywart. Yeah.
Now listen, this is your big chance.
Nobody knows you up there. Right.
At all costs, do not be yourself.
Oh, we're not, Fonz.
We're not.
We've got it all figured out, see.
We're not going to be ourselves.
We're going to be adult businessmen.
Adult businessmen? Yeah.
Well, on the drive up,
you'll come up with a better plan, huh?
Listen, if I get a chance,
I'll come up and see how you're doing.
Oh, great.
You look so mature.
Here's your lunch, dear, for the trip.
Now have a good time.
I will. Don't grow up too fast.
I won't, Mom.
Hey, listen, maybe I'll see you up there, Fonz.
Just kill them. If I'm not too busy, you know what I mean?
Yeah. Bye, dear.
Bye, Mom.
Here's your thermos for work, Arthur.
Tell me, Arthur,
what really goes on up there at Lake Whitefish?
Well, you remember all those college vacations
you used to take, those college weekends?
Same thing.
Oh, well, have a good day.
They're going to have such a good time.
They're going swimming
and they'll roast marshmallows,
and they'll sit by the fire and sing.
And then when the fire goes out,
and the last marshmallow is eaten,
everyone will walk into the woods
and then they'll Oh, my God!
And the, uh
fishing is great here, too, Mr. Cunningham
and associates.
Well, here we are.
Your home for the next week.
And, uh, uh, right over there is Lake Whitefish.
Where? I don't see any lake.
Your brochure said every cabin had a view of the lake.
It does.
Get up on the roof.
See?
Hey, don't knock it Ralph, this place is great.
It's got a porch and everything.
What do you mean, it's got a porch?
It is a porch this is where you guys are staying.
You mean a porch, you mean
we're paying $75 for a porch?
You big city businessmen catch on quick.
But we wanted a cabin.
Well, I told you it was the front part of the house.
Yeah, where are we supposed to sleep?
Ah, well.
You have these three beautiful sleeping bags,
and, uh, blinds for privacy,
and over here is a shower,
and, uh Look mister, I'm not paying $75
for an unfurnished porch.
Okay, gents, you don't want it
I got a guy paying me $200 a week
just to live in a tool shed.
They're lining up outside my office
drooling for a place like this.
My associates and I wish to have a conference.
Come on, guys.
What do you think about this?
The guy's a crook!
Let's tell him what he can do with his
Oh! Hi boys, hi.
Excuse us.
We'll take it!
Well, we did it, right?
I mean, we're sharing a place with three great chicks!
Yeah, I don't want to stay on the porch.
I feel like an empty milk bottle.
Aw, come on
Three suits and a porch don't make us date bait.
They didn't seem interested anyway.
Well, don't forget about what Fonzie said.
Whatever we do, we shouldn't be ourselves.
Who should we be? The Three Stooges?
No, no, that's no good.
We've got to be something different,
something unique, something
that would catch their attention.
What would they do in the movies?
Right! I've got it!
In the movies, who always gets the girl?
The boy.
No, what actor always gets the girl?
Brando.
Brando gets beat up.
Charles Boyer always gets the girl.
He got Hedy Lamarr. Right.
And why does a balding, middle-aged man get Hedy Lamarr?
Because he's a foreigner, boys.
And girls go ape over foreigners.
That's right.
And foreigners wear suits. Right.
Yeah
Foreigners also speak foreign languages.
What are we going to do about accents?
I can speak a little American Indian.
You're kidding.
No, really.
My mother taught me how to count to five in American Indian.
Ick, mock, klune, locket, quinum.
Fascinating, Malph.
Next time we meet a squaw, she's yours.
What tribe is that?
I don't know, my mother always makes things up.
At least it sounds foreign.
All right, let's try and look foreign, okay?
Yeah, yeah, we'll pretend
we're from some foreign country and we'll nod and bow a lot.
But we've got to pick an obscure language,
because otherwise, they might know it.
Look, you guys do what you want.
I'm counting to five in Indian.
Come on, girls, we're gonna pick some blueberries.
You know
we were wondering, did you guys rent this porch?
Klune, locket quinum?
Did you say something?
Kaladaka They must be foreign.
Dakalada.
Too bad they don't speak English.
Come on, let's go.
Oh, wait, uh, I speak a little English.
Oh, we knew you were trying to talk to us.
Uh uh where are you from?
Eh we're from
we're from from, uh Tunisia.
You know, this could be fun.
I think we ought to check these guys out.
You know, I've heard that uh, foreign men
are supposed to be fantastic lovers.
These kids?
They look like they're schoolboys from Milwaukee.
Oh, three schoolboys from Milwaukee
wouldn't be dumb enough to rent a porch.
Hey, let's invite them to dinner.
Uh, uh, what is your name?
Uh I Ricardo this, uh, Pootsie.
Oh, Pootsie.
Quinum. Quinum.
Hi, Quinum.
We would like you, uh, to-to join us for dinner.
Eat food? Dinner?
Oh, mock, mock, mock
Come by at 8:00 8:00?
8:00, 8:00, 8:00.
Yes, yes.
I tell you, these guys are strange.
They don't look strange.
I never saw a Tunisian with red hair and freckles before.
You never saw any Tunisian before.
Oh, you're so prejudiced.
I am not.
I'll take Ricardo.
Mock mock, mock ♪
Jay voo shoe ♪
Ick ick locket Quinum coo ♪
Mock, mock, mock, jay voo shoe ♪
Mock eey mock shay vo vous shoe ♪
Mock, mock, mock ♪
Ick locket shoo vey shoo ♪
Doo-op, vey shoe doo-op. ♪
Where did you learn the American tune?
Eh, Radio Free Tunisia.
Top 40.
What do you and your friends do in Tunisia?
Uh camels!
Camels?
Oh, yes, we race camels.
Jockeys mock, mock.
We race camels; We jockeys.
Yes, hup, hup, hup, yes.
Why don't I clear away some of these plates?
I'll be right back.
Isn't that exciting?
They're camel jockeys.
Aren't they a little large for jockeys?
Yes, but did you ever see the size of those camels?
What do we do now?
We don't need the accent anymore.
Come on now, we got to make a move let's go.
I got it. Let's ask them to dance.
To what, crickets?
I could sing again.
Mock mock mock We've done that.
A rooty-toot, toot Wait a minute.
Let's just tell them what we want.
They're older, it would be easy.
We're foreigners, it's natural.
Let's just tell them what we want!
Apple pie.
Oh, rizzuto.
It's, uh, very, very American.
While we were in the kitchen
my friends uh, Marsha, Linda and I were wondering
if you guys would like to, uh make out.
Uh, uh, uh, kiss?
Uh, kiss.
A huh hug hug.
I guess they don't understand.
Oh, yes, understand!
Mock, mock!
Hug, hug hug!
Do you do that in Tunisia?
Mock, mock.
He's so cute. Mock, mock, mock, mock, mock, mock, mock
Jablonski.
You want to eat pie or kiss?
Oh!
Let's go, come on.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, watch how you handle the jacket, buddy.
What is this?
Hey. I'll tell you something,
I just came up to see how you were doing,
and it looks like you're doing.
Who is this guy?
He says he's their friend.
I caught him riding a motorcycle without a license.
I told you, I lost my wallet in the bushes.
What were you doing in the bushes?
I'm on vacation.
He says he knows you fellas from Milwaukee.
Is that right?
Milwaukee?!
Is that true, Ricardo?
Milwaukee? What is Milwaukee?
Officer, these gentlemen
are three Tunisian camel jockeys.
That's the plan you came up with?
They don't know him, Officer.
That's what I thought.
All right, buddy, come
Oh, now, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.
All right guys, tell this man who I am.
Ralph?
Mock. Mock, mock.
Ralph, tell this man who I am.
His name's Fonzie, he's a garage mechanic
and a friend of ours from Milwaukee.
And what else?
He's very cool; The Fonz is cool.
Mock, mock.
Are you satisfied?
Mechanics from Milwaukee?
Tunisian jockeys?
All right, all right, let's see some I.D. here.
Let's find out who you guys really are.
Come on, come on. I.D., let's go.
Uh-huh. I told you so.
Richie Cunningham 17.
Hey, I told you I lost it in the woods.
Oh, yeah, all right. Come on.
We got a little carried away, Fonz.
You were right, Fonz.
They asked us to make out. Hey
All right, these look okay. I'll let it go this time.
Oh, I can't wait for school to start again.
And you, stay out of the bushes.
Kids.
He is not a nature lover.
We'd like to thank you guys for making us look like fools.
Does this mean we're not going to make out?
Teenage Tunisians!
Teenage frauds!
Did I come here at a bad time?
Will you guys stop moping?
They will be back.
They went to the Fisherman's Dance.
They hate us.
Hey, I saw the way they were
kissing you they will be back.
Oh, hi guys.
Hi, girls Hi. Hi.
Dance over already?
No, it was kind of a drag.
The guys were real turkeys.
We were uh, sort of wondering if, uh, any of you guys
might, uh, like to go for a walk around the lake?
Us?
Yeah, how about it?
Let's go! All right!
Mock, mock.
Fonz, how did you know they'd come back?
Hey, there's an old saying.
"Three Tunisian camel jockeys in the hand
is worth more than 30 dancing fishermen in the bush."
I'm kind of sorry about leaving you here alone like this
Alone?
The Fonz alone?
I got dates all over these woods.
Now, listen, you just go
and play with your little friends there,
give them a good Easter, huh?
I'll take care of myself. You make the Fonz proud.
All right, Fonz. Thanks a lot.
Yeah.
You kidding me?
I've got Cloris across the lake,
I got the forest ranger's daughter over the hill.
I just don't want to overdo it, that's all.
I think maybe I'll just sack out here,
snuggle up with the fire, play cowboy for a while.
Cool it!
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪
Let's see Tarzan do that!
These happy days are yours and mine ♪
Happy Days. ♪
Good-bye gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪
Rockin' and rollin' all week long ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪Oh, baby ♪
These happy days are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪
Ready to race to you ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪Oh, baby ♪
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪
Rocking and rolling all week long ♪
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
Saturday, what a day ♪
Groovin' all week with you ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪
Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, baby ♪
These happy days ♪
Are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours ♪
And mine, Happy Days! ♪
Happy Days is filmed before a live audience.
Whatcha gonna do when the well runs dry? ♪
You're gonna run away and hide ♪
And I'm gonna run right by your side ♪
For you pretty baby I'd even drown ♪
Walkin' ♪
Yes, indeed, I'm talkin' ♪
'Bout you and me I'm hopin' ♪
That you'll come back to me. ♪
All right, what's with the sad little faces here, huh?
Come on, buck up. Dry up those little tears.
What happened, someone steal your little red wagon?
Oh, come on, Fonz.
I don't have my red wagon anymore.
It's Easter vacation, Fonz.
So? Oh, someone stole your Easter bonnet
with all the frills upon it.
None of us got nothing to do all week.
This is going to be the worst Easter vacation I've had
since I had my appendix taken out.
Every sharp girl in Milwaukee
is going to be out of town on vacation somewhere.
What are you going to be doing over Easter, Fonz?
Hey, who knows, man?
I just hang loose.
Yeah.
I've been hanging loose for 17 years.
I'm still hanging.
Why don't you get cool, huh?
Why don't you spend a week up at Lake Whitefish?
I don't like to fish.
The bait makes me sick.
You block brain, I'm talking about women.
Lake Whitefish is loaded with women.
Yeah, but isn't that more of a college crowd, Fonz?
Yeah, what's all the women
going to want with three high school guys?
Well, absolutely nothing, but who's going to know?
You see, down here you've already built your rep, right?
Three boring high school boys who like to sulk.
Up there, you can be anybody you want.
You mean we could be like you, Fonz?
Hey, hey, hey you've got to walk before you can run.
Here it is guys, here it is!
"Cabin rentals, Lake Whitefish."
It's a local call.
"Fun and sun, capital of Wisconsin."
Right, call them, call them.
No, it has to be someone who sounds grown up.
They won't rent it to kids. You're right.
You call, Richie, you sound more mature.
You think so? No, but it's your dime.
Come on, here's the number.
Think mature.
Yeah, I can make it with college girls.
I shave.
Hello, operator, I'd like to
place a call to Lake Whitefish.
Uh, yes, the number is 552-333.
Yes, thank you very much.
Why do I have to sound older for the operator?
Good practice. Yeah, come on.
It's ringing, it's ringing.
Hello? Is this Uncle Tom's Cabins?
Yes, yes, this is an adult businessman speaking.
I'm inquiring for my associates and myself
as to the availability of a cabin rental.
Yes, for Easter recess.
I mean, business vaca Business vacation.
Yes, you have something available?
The, uh, the front part of a house.
Who's in the back part?
Young women?
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Let's be cool. Just cool it for a second.
Cool it.
Excuse me, my secretaries fell off my lap.
Find out how much it is. Yes.
Those accommodations sound as though
they will be suitable.
Now let's talk dollars and cents.
$75, no cents.
Take it, take it, take it. It's a bargain.
Right, right, yes.
That will be fine.
Yes, my name is Mr. Richard Cunningham.
Cunningham and Associates.
Yes. Yes, we'll be the three men
who are much older than we look.
Right, thank you very much.
We did it!
Whitefish.
Hey, guys, all we've go to do now
is come up with 25 bucks apiece.
Yeah. No sweat, no sweat at all.
Ol' Ralphie Malphie has everything under control.
We'll just get it where every able-bodied,
young American boy gets money.
Where? Where?
Mommy and Daddy.
Dad?
Uh, Dad?
Uh, listen, uh
do you remember the first time that you went away
somewhere with just your friends?
Sure. Where'd you go?
World War II.
Well, Dad, all right, listen, can I be straight with you?
Of course you can, Richard, what is it?
Well, Ralph and Potsie are going to Lake Whitefish
on a nature retreat, and, uh, and they want me
to come along and help them.
Help what?
Oh, you know Dad.
Just, just help them, with, uh
with nature, and, uh, first aid, and you know,
identifying species, stuff like that.
I thought all they cared about were girls.
Oh, no, Dad.
Ralph and Potsie are much deeper than they look.
Deeper, huh?
Today, they were bouncing a golf ball
off the side of our house for three hours.
Dad, this means a lot to them.
And they really need my help, and well, see,
it costs 25 bucks per person, so what do you say?
I don't think so, Richard.
Why not?
Well, two reasons.
One, $25 is a lot of money,
and two, that story is the biggest pile of garbage
I've ever heard in my life.
Come on, for $25 you can come up
with a much better lie than that.
All right, Dad.
It's not a, it's not a nature retreat. Mm-hmm.
We rented a cabin for 75 bucks.
We're going up there to meet girls.
Now, what do you say?
That's the way I like to hear you talk!
Great, then you'll do it?
Maybe another time.
How come?
Well, I just can't spare the money right now, Richard.
Then what you're saying is, I can go if I can
raise the money myself, huh, Dad, huh?
Raise the money for what, dear?
Oh, nothing, Mom, nothing.
He wants to go up to Lake Whitefish and chase girls.
Oh, well, good luck, dear.
Bye-bye love ♪
Bye-bye happiness ♪
Yeah, my dad's cheap, too.
He didn't give me a dime.
Well, at least I got permission to go
if I can get the money.
Big deal, I got permission, too.
I banged my head against the icebox
until they said I could go.
No problems, guys, no problems. Big bucks.
How'd you get that? That's great, Pots.
The minute I said I wanted to go away,
my mother started packing my suitcase
and my dad shoved this into my hand.
Boy, that's love, huh?
Well, at least we got the deposit now. Yeah.
What do you mean? Where's the rest of the money?
Didn't you guys come through?
Well, our parents
were anxious to get rid of us, too,
but not at any price.
What am I supposed to do with this $25?
Sit on it, Potsie.
Very funny.
But meanwhile, we're still stuck here in Milwaukee.
Hey, Cunningham,
can I borrow your letter man sweater for the weekend?
I got a hot date. No.
Wait a minute!
Wait a minute, it's yours.
What are you talking about?
We're going to rent him your sweater.
What do you mean, rent my sweater?
It's my letter man sweater.
I ran the mile in seven minutes to get this sweater.
Richard, what would you like to do this Easter?
Meet girls or wear your sweater?
All right.
I'll rent it to you for ten.
I'll give you two.
Close enough, it's yours.
Attention! Attention!
Okay, everybody, get a grip.
Tomorrow, everybody brings cash.
It's the first annual
Richie-Ralph-Potsie Rummage Sale.
You guys go home and get everything you want to sell.
Ralph, do you have a lot of stuff?
Sure. You want to know something?
I still have my little red wagon.
Gather round, everybody.
New merchandise just arrived.
Everything must go.
Come and get it.
We got a 45 record rack right here.
45 record rack.
We got a acorn pipe. An acorn pipe.
We got a Slinky. A Slinky.
A Slinky, how much do you want for that?
Oh, come on, Ralph.
We got earmuffs right here.
We got a we got a rubber snake.
We got a book report
from The Red Badge of Courage.
This one got a B-plus.
Everything on this table must go for 50 cents.
Thank you very much. How are we doing, Ralph?
We still need another $27.
Let's get to the big money stuff there, Pots.
Okay, here's a very special item.
A genuine fake I.D. driver's license.
Drink and drive in any state.
No bargaining, ten bucks. Who wants it?
I'll take it. You've got it.
All right.
Hey, I can't use this. Why not?
I'm not a 52-year-old Negro woman.
Seven dollars.
Ralph, give him back three dollars.
No cash refunds.
Here, take an Uncle Miltie bow tie.
That's worth three dollars.
Don't cheat people, Ralph.
Why not? We're going out of business.
How we doing now, Ralph, huh?
We're still about $15 short.
And we don't have $15 worth of stuff left.
Like, who's going to buy your old retainer?
How's it going, guys?
Not so good, Fonz. We're not going to make it.
Well, how much more do you need?
Another 15 bucks.
All right, this is from the Fonz to you,
a very Happy Easter.
All right, now listen up, girls!
One time, one time only.
Line right up here, kiss the Fonz for a buck.
Now that's a bargain at any price!
Richard, I want to have a little talk
with you about your trip.
Now listen, you're going away,
and I want you to have a good time, but, uh
well, you know, there are limits, huh?
Oh, I know what you're saying, Dad.
You want me to have a good time, but, uh,
not too good, right?
Hey, good morning, all.
Am I glad I caught you, Cunningham.
I want to give you some advice, right?
You go up to Lake Whitefish.
I want you to break all the rules.
I want you to have a ball.
I don't you to have no holds barred.
You get my drift, huh? Right, Mr. C?
I'm going to work.
Richard
have a reasonably good time, if you get my drift.
Thanks a lot, Dad.
He's such a worrywart. Yeah.
Now listen, this is your big chance.
Nobody knows you up there. Right.
At all costs, do not be yourself.
Oh, we're not, Fonz.
We're not.
We've got it all figured out, see.
We're not going to be ourselves.
We're going to be adult businessmen.
Adult businessmen? Yeah.
Well, on the drive up,
you'll come up with a better plan, huh?
Listen, if I get a chance,
I'll come up and see how you're doing.
Oh, great.
You look so mature.
Here's your lunch, dear, for the trip.
Now have a good time.
I will. Don't grow up too fast.
I won't, Mom.
Hey, listen, maybe I'll see you up there, Fonz.
Just kill them. If I'm not too busy, you know what I mean?
Yeah. Bye, dear.
Bye, Mom.
Here's your thermos for work, Arthur.
Tell me, Arthur,
what really goes on up there at Lake Whitefish?
Well, you remember all those college vacations
you used to take, those college weekends?
Same thing.
Oh, well, have a good day.
They're going to have such a good time.
They're going swimming
and they'll roast marshmallows,
and they'll sit by the fire and sing.
And then when the fire goes out,
and the last marshmallow is eaten,
everyone will walk into the woods
and then they'll Oh, my God!
And the, uh
fishing is great here, too, Mr. Cunningham
and associates.
Well, here we are.
Your home for the next week.
And, uh, uh, right over there is Lake Whitefish.
Where? I don't see any lake.
Your brochure said every cabin had a view of the lake.
It does.
Get up on the roof.
See?
Hey, don't knock it Ralph, this place is great.
It's got a porch and everything.
What do you mean, it's got a porch?
It is a porch this is where you guys are staying.
You mean a porch, you mean
we're paying $75 for a porch?
You big city businessmen catch on quick.
But we wanted a cabin.
Well, I told you it was the front part of the house.
Yeah, where are we supposed to sleep?
Ah, well.
You have these three beautiful sleeping bags,
and, uh, blinds for privacy,
and over here is a shower,
and, uh Look mister, I'm not paying $75
for an unfurnished porch.
Okay, gents, you don't want it
I got a guy paying me $200 a week
just to live in a tool shed.
They're lining up outside my office
drooling for a place like this.
My associates and I wish to have a conference.
Come on, guys.
What do you think about this?
The guy's a crook!
Let's tell him what he can do with his
Oh! Hi boys, hi.
Excuse us.
We'll take it!
Well, we did it, right?
I mean, we're sharing a place with three great chicks!
Yeah, I don't want to stay on the porch.
I feel like an empty milk bottle.
Aw, come on
Three suits and a porch don't make us date bait.
They didn't seem interested anyway.
Well, don't forget about what Fonzie said.
Whatever we do, we shouldn't be ourselves.
Who should we be? The Three Stooges?
No, no, that's no good.
We've got to be something different,
something unique, something
that would catch their attention.
What would they do in the movies?
Right! I've got it!
In the movies, who always gets the girl?
The boy.
No, what actor always gets the girl?
Brando.
Brando gets beat up.
Charles Boyer always gets the girl.
He got Hedy Lamarr. Right.
And why does a balding, middle-aged man get Hedy Lamarr?
Because he's a foreigner, boys.
And girls go ape over foreigners.
That's right.
And foreigners wear suits. Right.
Yeah
Foreigners also speak foreign languages.
What are we going to do about accents?
I can speak a little American Indian.
You're kidding.
No, really.
My mother taught me how to count to five in American Indian.
Ick, mock, klune, locket, quinum.
Fascinating, Malph.
Next time we meet a squaw, she's yours.
What tribe is that?
I don't know, my mother always makes things up.
At least it sounds foreign.
All right, let's try and look foreign, okay?
Yeah, yeah, we'll pretend
we're from some foreign country and we'll nod and bow a lot.
But we've got to pick an obscure language,
because otherwise, they might know it.
Look, you guys do what you want.
I'm counting to five in Indian.
Come on, girls, we're gonna pick some blueberries.
You know
we were wondering, did you guys rent this porch?
Klune, locket quinum?
Did you say something?
Kaladaka They must be foreign.
Dakalada.
Too bad they don't speak English.
Come on, let's go.
Oh, wait, uh, I speak a little English.
Oh, we knew you were trying to talk to us.
Uh uh where are you from?
Eh we're from
we're from from, uh Tunisia.
You know, this could be fun.
I think we ought to check these guys out.
You know, I've heard that uh, foreign men
are supposed to be fantastic lovers.
These kids?
They look like they're schoolboys from Milwaukee.
Oh, three schoolboys from Milwaukee
wouldn't be dumb enough to rent a porch.
Hey, let's invite them to dinner.
Uh, uh, what is your name?
Uh I Ricardo this, uh, Pootsie.
Oh, Pootsie.
Quinum. Quinum.
Hi, Quinum.
We would like you, uh, to-to join us for dinner.
Eat food? Dinner?
Oh, mock, mock, mock
Come by at 8:00 8:00?
8:00, 8:00, 8:00.
Yes, yes.
I tell you, these guys are strange.
They don't look strange.
I never saw a Tunisian with red hair and freckles before.
You never saw any Tunisian before.
Oh, you're so prejudiced.
I am not.
I'll take Ricardo.
Mock mock, mock ♪
Jay voo shoe ♪
Ick ick locket Quinum coo ♪
Mock, mock, mock, jay voo shoe ♪
Mock eey mock shay vo vous shoe ♪
Mock, mock, mock ♪
Ick locket shoo vey shoo ♪
Doo-op, vey shoe doo-op. ♪
Where did you learn the American tune?
Eh, Radio Free Tunisia.
Top 40.
What do you and your friends do in Tunisia?
Uh camels!
Camels?
Oh, yes, we race camels.
Jockeys mock, mock.
We race camels; We jockeys.
Yes, hup, hup, hup, yes.
Why don't I clear away some of these plates?
I'll be right back.
Isn't that exciting?
They're camel jockeys.
Aren't they a little large for jockeys?
Yes, but did you ever see the size of those camels?
What do we do now?
We don't need the accent anymore.
Come on now, we got to make a move let's go.
I got it. Let's ask them to dance.
To what, crickets?
I could sing again.
Mock mock mock We've done that.
A rooty-toot, toot Wait a minute.
Let's just tell them what we want.
They're older, it would be easy.
We're foreigners, it's natural.
Let's just tell them what we want!
Apple pie.
Oh, rizzuto.
It's, uh, very, very American.
While we were in the kitchen
my friends uh, Marsha, Linda and I were wondering
if you guys would like to, uh make out.
Uh, uh, uh, kiss?
Uh, kiss.
A huh hug hug.
I guess they don't understand.
Oh, yes, understand!
Mock, mock!
Hug, hug hug!
Do you do that in Tunisia?
Mock, mock.
He's so cute. Mock, mock, mock, mock, mock, mock, mock
Jablonski.
You want to eat pie or kiss?
Oh!
Let's go, come on.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, watch how you handle the jacket, buddy.
What is this?
Hey. I'll tell you something,
I just came up to see how you were doing,
and it looks like you're doing.
Who is this guy?
He says he's their friend.
I caught him riding a motorcycle without a license.
I told you, I lost my wallet in the bushes.
What were you doing in the bushes?
I'm on vacation.
He says he knows you fellas from Milwaukee.
Is that right?
Milwaukee?!
Is that true, Ricardo?
Milwaukee? What is Milwaukee?
Officer, these gentlemen
are three Tunisian camel jockeys.
That's the plan you came up with?
They don't know him, Officer.
That's what I thought.
All right, buddy, come
Oh, now, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.
All right guys, tell this man who I am.
Ralph?
Mock. Mock, mock.
Ralph, tell this man who I am.
His name's Fonzie, he's a garage mechanic
and a friend of ours from Milwaukee.
And what else?
He's very cool; The Fonz is cool.
Mock, mock.
Are you satisfied?
Mechanics from Milwaukee?
Tunisian jockeys?
All right, all right, let's see some I.D. here.
Let's find out who you guys really are.
Come on, come on. I.D., let's go.
Uh-huh. I told you so.
Richie Cunningham 17.
Hey, I told you I lost it in the woods.
Oh, yeah, all right. Come on.
We got a little carried away, Fonz.
You were right, Fonz.
They asked us to make out. Hey
All right, these look okay. I'll let it go this time.
Oh, I can't wait for school to start again.
And you, stay out of the bushes.
Kids.
He is not a nature lover.
We'd like to thank you guys for making us look like fools.
Does this mean we're not going to make out?
Teenage Tunisians!
Teenage frauds!
Did I come here at a bad time?
Will you guys stop moping?
They will be back.
They went to the Fisherman's Dance.
They hate us.
Hey, I saw the way they were
kissing you they will be back.
Oh, hi guys.
Hi, girls Hi. Hi.
Dance over already?
No, it was kind of a drag.
The guys were real turkeys.
We were uh, sort of wondering if, uh, any of you guys
might, uh, like to go for a walk around the lake?
Us?
Yeah, how about it?
Let's go! All right!
Mock, mock.
Fonz, how did you know they'd come back?
Hey, there's an old saying.
"Three Tunisian camel jockeys in the hand
is worth more than 30 dancing fishermen in the bush."
I'm kind of sorry about leaving you here alone like this
Alone?
The Fonz alone?
I got dates all over these woods.
Now, listen, you just go
and play with your little friends there,
give them a good Easter, huh?
I'll take care of myself. You make the Fonz proud.
All right, Fonz. Thanks a lot.
Yeah.
You kidding me?
I've got Cloris across the lake,
I got the forest ranger's daughter over the hill.
I just don't want to overdo it, that's all.
I think maybe I'll just sack out here,
snuggle up with the fire, play cowboy for a while.
Cool it!
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪
Let's see Tarzan do that!
These happy days are yours and mine ♪
Happy Days. ♪
Good-bye gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪
Rockin' and rollin' all week long ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪Oh, baby ♪
These happy days are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪