The Brady Bunch (1969) s03e11 Episode Script

1
Here's the story
Of a lovely lady
Who was bringing up
Three very lovely girls
All of them had hair of gold ♪
Like their mother
The youngest one in curls ♪
It's the story of a man named Brady ♪
Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪
They were four men living all together ♪
Yet they were all alone ♪
Till the one day
when the lady met this fellow ♪
And they knew that it was
much more than a hunch ♪
That this group
must somehow form a family ♪
That's the way we all
became the Brady Bunch ♪
The Brady Bunch
The Brady Bunch
That's the way we became
the Brady Bunch. ♪
( No audio )
Greg, can you help me?
You know all about cameras.
What's the matter?
Well, the last picture
I took was number seven.
I guess I turned it too hard
because it went all the way past eight.
The next number coming up is nine.
So?
So I don't want to miss a picture.
I spent a whole allowance on that film.
How do I get it back to eight?
You can't get it back to eight.
( Sighs )
Boy, some camera expert you are.
Well, I might as well get it over with.
Mom, I have something
important I want to tell you.
What is it?
Well
I'm very hungry.
Yes
Well, that's it.
I'd say he has more
on his mind than food.
I'd say you were right.
Hi, Dad.
Hi, son. What'd your mother say?
I didn't tell her yet.
Hey, I thought that was the first order
of business right after breakfast.
It slipped my mind.
You know, rushing around,
trying to get off to school on time.
You could've told her after school.
Well, it got kind of late by then.
Besides, I thought maybe
I could use a little
A little help?
Yeah.
Come on, we'll tell her together.
Thanks, Dad.
Oh, hi, honey.
Hi, sweetheart. Hi, Greg.
Hey, something smells good
in the kitchen.
Yeah, it's meat loaf.
Oh.
Yeah, sure smells good.
Real good!
Is something wrong?
No, no, honey, nothing's wrong.
It's uh, just that, um
Well, Greg has something
he wants to tell you.
Dad, really, I think it'd be
better if maybe you told her.
No, you tell her. It's all right.
Something is wrong.
I should've known when
you tried to tell me before.
No, honey, believe me, nothing's wrong.
Honest, it
In fact, it's kind of great.
Oh, yeah, it's so great that both of you
are too chicken to tell me what it is.
Well, Mom, it has to do with football.
What?
Football.
I guess you don't know
too much about football.
I do, too.
That's that game on TV
that you and your father watch
where all those great big guys
try to kill each other.
What about football?
Uh, you see, I made
the football team at school.
Honey, the coach says
he's a natural flanker back.
Oh, no. No son of mine is going
to play football
with those two-ton monsters.
Oh, honey, the football players
you see on television
those are pros.
We're talking about high school football.
Oh, no, Mike, I don't care
if you're talking about kindergarten.
Oh, Carol, the coach wouldn't
pick Greg to be on the team
if he didn't think Greg was up to it.
He's not going to
take unnecessary chances with the boys.
Yeah, and Dad, tell her about
all the great things football does for you.
Right. He'll learn the
importance of teamwork
of being part of a team.
Yeah, teamwork.
Sure, learn how to win gracefully.
Yeah, win gracefully.
Lose with dignity.
And lose with
What do you mean lose?
I'm sorry, Greg, but football is out.
Mom, a guy can get hurt
right in his own home.
Like falling in a bathtub.
Oh, sure, but he doesn't
have two other guys
in the bathtub with him
trying to knock him down.
Carol, I think you're being
overly concerned about this.
Gosh, um, thousands of kids
play football every week.
CAROL: Well
Hmm?
Maybe you're right.
Does it really mean
so much to you, Greg?
Yeah, it does, Mom.
Well, okay.
But it doesn't mean that
I'm still not going to worry.
( laughs gently )
Thanks, Mom.
Thanks, Dad.
You're welcome.
Oh, come on, honey.
Don't worry, he can take care of himself.
Why couldn't he go out
for something like the debating team?
Because you'd be afraid
he'd sprain his toe.
Now, that isn't nice, Mike.
( laughing )
I thought it tasted like lemon.
No, it tasted more like lime to me.
How do you like that?
The best cake I ever created
and I go and forget
my own secret recipe.
Well, I'll keep thinking, Alice.
Me, too.
Thanks, girls.
I got it, Alice!
This time, I really got it.
Well, whatever it is, don't
give it to the rest of the kids.
I got a football play.
It's a variation on an "L" -out pattern.
What's an "L" -out pattern?
Let me show you what I mean.
Oh, no!
Was that something important?
( laughs )
Oh, no.
Just a recipe that's going to remain
as big a mystery as the sphinx.
Oh, Alice, I'm sorry.
No problem.
Now what's this about
an "L" -out pattern?
This is the offensive team here, okay?
And this is the defensive.
Oh, well, my money's on that team.
Those little guys are never
gonna be able to get through
those big fat fellas.
No, the circles just mean
that's the defensive team.
Now, I got this play worked out
where this guy fakes a handoff
over here to this guy.
This guy comes out for the "L"
Works great on the blackboard.
And I just wish I could find
some players to try it out with.
Oh, I'll volunteer.
I don't know much about football
but I do know that I personally can fill out
two or three of those circles.
( All yelling )
Okay, team, it's an "L" -out
pattern, Greg Brady version.
On two. Let's go. Okay.
Hut-one, hut-two! Hah!
Fake. Right
Now go long!
Go long! Go long!
( Horn honking )
Interception!
Should I do all the cheers, Greg?
You don't have to say the words,
just make all the moves,
so I can get some action shots.
Okay.
Now that's what I'd call
one of the fringe benefits
of high school football.
That's Linette Carter
one of the cheerleaders.
Isn't she darling?
Any way you look at her.
Seems like she's got a
bit of a crush on Greg.
Well, I'd rather have
him crushed that way
than on a football field.
( Giggling )
I don't even do this many routines
in a whole football game.
Let's take a break.
I think I got some good shots.
I didn't know you were
an expert with the camera.
Oh, well, it's just a hobby.
And besides, the way
you look in that outfit,
the pictures can't help
but come out good.
I stopped by to watch football
practice the other day
and you looked pretty terrific
in your uniform.
That's just the shoulder pads and things.
Say, after the game this week,
would you like to go over
to the pizza place with me?
I'd love to.
Great! And afterwards,
maybe we can go back
to the victory dance
Hey, Greg, if you fix my camera,
I'll take a picture of you.
Some other time, Bobby.
I'm Bobby, Greg's brother.
Hi.
This is Linette.
And we don't want our
picture taken right now, okay?
How do you know?
You didn't even ask her.
Bobby, go do your homework.
I did it.
( Chuckling )
Will you run along?
Listen to him just because
he's on the football team.
When he's a big hero,
we'll be lucky if he even remembers us.
He's got to remember me.
I live here.
( Giggling )
Hi, Mom.
Hi, Greg.
How was practice?
Oh, fine.
Did you
Greg, you're hurt.
Oh, Mom, that's only a small
that is the worst bruise
I have ever seen in my life.
Now that is just why I'm so nervous
about your playing football.
That's not from practice.
I did that when I bumped
my arm in math class.
Oh. Does it hurt?
No.
But I'll be glad to quit math
if you think it's too dangerous.
Oh, you are terrible.
( Shouting )
( Whistle blows )
( Whistle blowing )
I thought you'd be dressed
and out by now, Greg.
Oh, hi, Coach.
No, I'm just running over
a couple of these new plays.
I really want to make first string.
Well, I know you do, son.
Now, come on, now, get out of here.
First practice game of the
season's tomorrow, remember?
Like, how could I forget?
I expect my first-string players
to get home and get
plenty of sleep tonight.
First string?!
That's right, Greg.
You're starting tomorrow.
Far out!
Well, don't get too excited about it.
It's just a practice game
until the regular season begins, now.
Every spot on the team is open.
You'll have to fight plenty hard to keep it.
Will I ever.
Greg?
Can I talk to you for a minute?
Sure, Bobby, but keep it short.
I got a lot of new plays to learn.
See that?
Yeah. So?
How come you take such good pictures
and I take such rotten ones?
There are a lot of reasons, Bobby.
But you take good pictures
for a guy your age.
I want to take good pictures
for a guy your age.
Every time I take a picture,
everybody comes out looking dumb.
That's 'cause you try and pose them.
Next time, take a picture
when they're not expecting it.
Then they never look stiff,
they look natural.
Yeah! I get it!
Thanks, Greg.
Anytime.
Hey, Greg.
( Crunching )
Yuck!
These radishes are bitter!
Hey, that's not fair!
I was making a face!
Oh, come on, honey,
where's your sense of humor?
Bobby, I look awful!
Where's your sense of humor, Alice?
Not so tight.
Sorry.
( Quietly ): Hey, Pete.
Peter.
( Sleepily ): Huh?
There's something I've got to tell you.
Can't it wait?
No. It's very important.
( Shouting, cheering )
( Whistle blows )
( Whistle blows )
Coach, really, I'm fine.
I just got the wind knocked out of me.
It's nothing, I'm ready to go back in.
You let me be the judge of that, huh?
You guys better get
back to the game. Thanks.
Now lift up that jersey; I want
to take a look at those ribs.
Okay.
See?
It's nothing but a bruise; Just a little red.
Yeah, it might be a bruise.
Ow
And it might be something more.
Well, there's no sense
taking a chance on it
just for a practice game.
But Coach!
Now, I'm gonna have those ribs X-rayed
before I let you suit up
for the opening game Friday.
Look, really, I'm fine.
Yeah. Don't argue about it, Greg.
I'm going to call your parents.
I think they should run you down
to your own doctor.
My parents
Please, Coach, call my dad.
Okay, your dad.
Oh, no.
See what I mean?
Those ribs are pretty painful, aren't they.
Coach, the ribs are nothing.
It's telling my mother
that's gonna be painful.
Yes, Martha, I know.
Yeah, oh, yeah, I will.
All Well, look, I have to go now.
I'll call you later, okay? Bye.
Hi, honey. Hi, Greg.
Hello, sweetheart.
How come you're home so early?
Well, honey, uh
Ah, I know. You were playing hooky.
I bet you watched Greg's football game.
No, not exactly.
That was an awfully
short game, wasn't it?
Look, Carol, if you'll let me explain
( Greg groans softly )
( Grunts )
Greg, what's the matter?
Greg injured his rib.
It's nothing, Mom.
The doctor says I'm fine.
Doctor?! You had to see the doctor?!
See, Dad? I told you she'd
make a big deal out of it.
Well, look, son, a fractured
rib isn't exactly a little deal.
A fractured rib?!
Just a hairline fracture.
A fracture is a fracture.
But I can still play
the doctor even said so.
Mike, did he really say that?
Well, he says if he wears
a rib protector of some kind,
he could possibly play,
but there's still a risk of a break.
Dad, he said only a slight risk.
And only if I get hit
in the exact same spot.
I-I'm sorry, Greg.
Mom, do you know the chances
of getting hit
in exactly the same little spot?
Yes. Zero. Because
you're not playing football.
Oh, Mom, that's
Son, I'm afraid I'm with
your mother this time.
Dad, I finally made first string.
Well, let's wait until the doctor
says the rib is completely healed.
Right.
But I'll miss the opening game!
Greg, if you get hurt
again, you may miss
all the rest of the games.
Dinner's ready!
And I got a surprise for you
barbecued ribs.
I thought everybody liked ribs.
( Groans quietly )
My pictures are dry.
You want to see them?
Some other time, Bobby, all right?
Please, just look at this one.
( laughs gently )
She's going to love that.
Here, look at the rest of them.
( Greg chuckles softly )
They're great, Bobby.
Coming from an expert like you
that's a real compliment.
Bye.
Greg, are you guys finished developing
the pictures in there?
We want to wash our hair.
Yeah, we're finished.
Well, then, could you get your junk out?
Okay, okay.
You've got so much junk in here!
Why don't you take this stuff
down to the laundry room?
Because Alice told me to take this stuff
up here to the bathroom.
Did you get evicted again?
Yeah, every time someone
wants to shampoo their hair
or wash some clothes.
( Chuckles )
Greg, I suppose you think I let you down.
Dad, there's such a thing
as being too cautious.
Well, I think it's a matter of viewpoint.
You wanted to play so badly
you were willing to take the risk.
We weren't.
You can understand that.
I guess.
But that football team means a lot to me.
Well, look, maybe you can find
another way to help them.
Sure, I could become the water boy
or equipment manager
the stuff guys do who
can't make the team.
All right those guys are making
a contribution, too,
and they're having fun at it.
Dad, did you ever hear
a cheering section
give a yell for the water boy?
I doubt it.
Is that why you want to play football?
For the cheers?
Dad, that's not what I mean.
It's it's just that if I can't play,
I don't want any part of it.
Aw, Greg.
You remember what we told your mother
when she decided to let you play?
Teamwork?
Win gracefully?
Lose with dignity?
Yeah, I remember.
Right. That wasn't
just a snow job, you know.
I meant that.
And I thought you meant it, too.
I did.
Okay, now you've lost something.
Take it like a man.
( Door opens )
Phone call for Mr. Greg Brady.
Who is it?
I didn't ask.
But she sure sounds pretty.
( Giggling )
If it's Linette, I'm about to get dumped.
( Slaps )
Yeah, I know I was
supposed to call, Linette.
It's just that you get busy and stuff.
Well, I was wondering
why I didn't hear from you.
I just wanted to make sure
your ribs were okay.
Well, yeah, I'm okay.
It's just that I didn't think
you'd want to waste time
on an ex-football player.
Wow. That's really insulting.
Insulting?!
What do you mean, insulting?
You must think I'm a very shallow,
superficial kind of person,
if I like somebody just because
he's on the football team.
I didn't mean it that way.
I guess I just wasn't thinking, honest.
Well, okay.
I'll see you at the game on Friday, right?
Well, I wasn't figuring
on going to the game.
Why not?
I just didn't feel like it,
you know what I mean?
Well, I guess.
I thought you could
sit by the cheerleaders
and we could watch together.
Maybe some other time, okay?
Or you could take
some more pictures of me
you know, giving cheers at a real game.
Let me think about it, Linette.
Okay. Good night, Greg.
Good night.
( Sighs )
Okay, these are all alike.
( Saying good-byes )
Now listen, you two guys.
Eat your own lunches, will you
and don't go trading off
with the other kids.
It makes me feel unwanted.
Unwanted?! Your sandwiches
get more for trade-ins
than anybody else's in the whole school.
Really?
Yeah. Once I traded
one of your peanut butter
and jelly sandwiches
for a turtle.
Thanks.
That's a real compliment.
Good-bye, kids. Have a good day.
( Saying good-byes, blowing kisses )
Morning.
Good morning, Greg.
You gonna take pictures at school today?
Oh, just some of Linette leading
cheers at the game today.
Oh, I'm glad you decided to go.
Well, Linette asked me you know.
Well, I got to run myself.
Good-bye, sweetheart.
Boy, what a mushy picture
this is going to be.
( Crowd yelling )
( Blowing whistle )
( Cheering )
( Humming )
Got it!
Hey!
The phantom photographer strikes again.
Did you win?
No, they did, seven to six.
We got gypped!
The referee made a rotten call.
What happened?
I didn't see the play.
I was taking pictures of Linette.
Well, I saw the play.
Our guy caught a pass
for a touchdown
and I still say it was inbounds.
The referee said it was out?
Yeah. It's like this:
The score is 7-6, their favor.
Yeah? It's the last seconds of the game.
Last seconds.
And the only chance we have
is a long pass.
And they knew it, so they red dogged.
What's a red dog?
I'll show you.
PETER: A red dog
No, no, no! Not the blackboard!
Was it something important, Alice?
Just a recipe that's been handed down
from generation to generation.
Ending with this one.
Hi, son.
Hi, Dad.
Peter told me the bad news.
Aw, the referee made a rotten call.
Yeah. What was the score?
Seven to six.
These are shots you took at the game?
Yeah, some pictures of Linette
doing her cheerleading stuff.
I wanted to get them ready
so I can give them to her tonight.
Hey, these are pretty good.
Thanks.
Hey, now that's a really good shot.
That's a good action shot.
I should've been watching
the game on that one.
That's the play that lost
it for us, right there
and that's our pass receiver.
MIKE: Oh, yeah.
Well, that looks like a good catch.
You know, if you enlarge this,
you might be able to tell
whether he was inbounds or not.
Yeah, yeah Dad, let's blow it up.
Yeah.
GREG: Hmm you still
can't tell if his foot's inbounds.
Blow it up some more.
Aw, there's no doubt about it, Greg.
He was inbounds.
GREG: Yeah.
Boy, I'll bet the coach
would sure love to see this.
Yep.
Can I borrow your car, Dad?
Come on, I'll drive over with you. Okay.
( Switch clicks )
Well, Greg, what did the coach say?
Is your team going to win now?
Ah, it's pretty hard to challenge
a judgment call, Mom.
But I think it'll give the coach
some good ammunition to fight with.
Yeah, he was pleased about the picture.
But go ahead and tell
your mom the real news.
The real news?
Well, Mom, I'm back on the team.
You're what?!
As official photographer.
Greg's gonna photograph the games
so the coach and team can study it later.
Yeah, I get a movie camera,
a press pass, the whole works.
Well, thank goodness!
That way you won't get hurt.
Unless
Unless what?
Unless I get a broken eyelash
from looking through the viewfinder.
Unless I break something else first.
It's no use.
It's lost forever.
Hang in there, Alice.
( Sighs )
Hey, Greg,
here's the picture I took of Alice.
Is it okay?
( laughing ): That's funny.
Alice, you should see the
expression on your face.
Better not show it to her.
She won't like it.
Uh, let me see that, uh, young man.
Promise you won't get mad?
I promise.
But I don't promise to keep the promise.
Bobby!
You're mad.
I'm not! I love it!
It's the best picture
you ever took in your life!
It is?!
Well, not of me,
but you got a picture of my secret recipe
on the blackboard in the background!
( laughing )
Bless your heart!
Look at that! I can see every ingredient!