Gilligan's Island (1964) s03e12 Episode Script
The Kidnapper
1
Skipper: I just can't believe it.
Mrs. Howell has been kidnapped.
What else does the ransom note say?
"Put $10,000
in tens and twenties in a bag
and take it to the big rock
on the north side"
North? North. Let's
see. Which way is north?
North is No. That's south.
Will you stop that, gilligan!
Let me get on with this.
"On the north side of the island.
You will find a hollow log
7 paces from the rock."
7 paces? No. That log is at
least 12 paces from that rock.
I've been there, skipper.
It couldn't be 7 paces.
He has no sense of
direction, that kidnapper.
Will you stop that! He doesn't
have to have any sense of direction.
Kidnappers only have
to know about kidnapping.
Now stop it and let me finish this.
"Put the money in the log.
"The ransom is to be delivered
"by the one you call the professor
and the skinny one in the sailor hat."
"Skinny one in the sailor hat."
He must mean me.
Well, he certainly doesn't mean me.
"Do this immediately or"
Wow. A 2-page ransom note.
Would you be quiet!
"Or you'll never see Mrs. Howell again.
You have exactly one hour."
Did he sign it?
Kidnappers don't sign ransom notes.
Well, I've combed the entire area,
and I can't find a single clue.
I don't understand who
would kidnap one of us.
Professor, maybe it's some of the
natives in these adjoining islands.
No, no, no. I thought of that.
They wouldn't ask for ransom.
Natives have no use for money.
No. Obviously there's
a stranger on the island.
You mean, someone we don't know?
Gilligan, if you knew a
stranger, he'd be a friend.
Well, maybe there's a friend
on the island we don't know yet.
Would you stop that?
Gentlemen
Now, gilligan, the kidnapper
wants you and me to deliver the ransom,
so let's go to Mr. Howell, get the money,
and get on our way.
Do I have to?
Well, the ransom note says so.
Okay, professor. I'll go with you.
Gilligan.
First we have to get the
money from Mr. Howell.
Oh, yeah. Why couldn't it be
the fat one with the captain's hat?
Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale ♪
a tale of a fateful trip ♪
that started from this tropic port ♪
aboard this tiny ship ♪
the mate was a mighty sailin' man ♪
the skipper brave and sure ♪
5 passengers set sail that day
for a 3-hour tour ♪
a 3-hour tour ♪
[thunder]
The weather started getting rough ♪
the tiny ship was tossed ♪
if not for the courage
of the fearless crew ♪
the minnow would be lost,
the minnow would be lost ♪
the ship set ground
on the shore of this ♪
uncharted desert isle ♪
with gilligan ♪
the skipper, too ♪
the millionaire and his wife ♪
the movie star ♪
the professor and Mary Ann ♪
here on gilligan's isle ♪
If he touches one hair on her head,
I'll thrash him within
an inch of his life. I'll
1,000, 2,000, 3,000, 4,000, 5,000
9 10,000. There we are.
The ransom note said that
you should pay it in 10s and 20s.
Please. A ho well
never carries petty cash.
$10,000 is an awful lot of money.
A mere pittance.
I'd give every cent in the world I have
to get my lovey back again.
I'd climb the highest mountain,
I'd swim the deepest river,
I'd brave any danger to hold
her once more in my arms.
Such devotion.
Are you going to deliver
the ransom yourself?
Uh, no, I can't. The mosquitoes
are terrible this time of year.
And besides, the note said that that
delivered by professor and gilligan.
If you read the fine print, my dear.
I still think the fat one with
the captain's hat should
gilligan. Alright.
We're ready to leave,
Mr. Howell. Is the ransom ready?
Here it is. Farewell, my friend.
Till we meet again.
Here's the rock.
Yeah, and there's the log.
You put the money in
the log as the note says,
and I'll hide back there
and see if I can spot the kidnapper.
Yeah. Okay.
Gilligan. Go.
Yeah. 7 paces. One
2, 3, 4, 5, 6
7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12.
See? I was right.
Better put it in further.
[Grunts]
Uh-oh.
Help! Professor! I'm
stuck! Hey, professor!
Professor, I'm stuck!
Gilligan! Stay there.
[Grunts]
Professor, I
oh. Help! Professor!
I'm stuck. Hey, professor.
Professor, I'm stuck.
[Grunts]
Professor, I
oh, whoa!
Professor, how am I
gonna get out of this?
Well, I think it'll take a tree surgeon.
Lovey. Lovey, my pet.
Are you alright?
That scoundrel didn't harm you, did he?
Oh, thurston. Thank
goodness you're here.
Oh, what a harrowing experience.
It was horrible. I was afraid for my life,
and I was sure that
blindfold would ruin my hairdo.
Well, what did he look
like? Can you describe him?
Well, of course not. I was
blindfolded every minute.
Oh, you must have suffered terribly.
Oh, I did. I did.
Can you imagine how I felt
being kidnapped in slacks?
Oh, thurston, all the time,
he was threatening to kill me.
Kill you? Why, that bounder. If I
she's gone! She's gone!
Mary Ann's been kidnapped.
Why, that nasty little copycat.
That's the ransom note.
"I've kidnapped the pretty brunette.
"If you want her alive,
"have the rich dame and
her husband bring $20,000
"to the statue of the old native god
"at the south end of the island.
"Place the money
in the mouth of the idol,
and no tricks if you want
to see the girl again."
$20,000? I've already
given him $10,000.
One thing I can't stand
that's a greedy kidnapper.
Give it to him, darling.
After all, it's only money.
Ooh, what you said, lovey. Only money.
Alright. The little girl, Mary
Ann, I'll give the money. I
well, here's the ransom note.
Just follow the instructions.
Now, you go get the money, dear,
and I'll change into
something more appropriate.
Oh, dear. Now, let me see.
What does one wear to deliver ransom?
Lovey: There's the idol.
Yes, good.
We put the ransom money in the
mouth of the idol and return to camp.
Tippytoe, my dear.
Well, it's going to take an agile
person with muscles of steel
to climb up and put the money
in the mouth of that idol,
so come on, lovey. I'll give you a boost.
Oh, thurston. I couldn't
possibly climb that idol.
But I gave the ransom
money. Must I do everything?
Oh, thurston.
Alright, dear. Give me a little boost.
I will, darling.
[Grunts]
Lovey [Grunts]
Watch it, lovey! I'm coming down!
Oof! Darling, are you alright?
Fortunately, I landed on my wallet.
Thurston, darling, do stop
pacing. You're making me nervous.
It's been 2 hours since
we paid the ransom,
and Mary Ann isn't back yet.
$20,000, lovey, right down the drain.
If she isn't back within the hour,
I'm gonna demand a refund.
Oh, Mr. and Mrs. Howell.
Oh, Mary Ann, I'm so glad you're back.
Are you alright, dear?
Oh, yes. Yes, it's good to see you.
The scoundrel didn't harm you, did he?
Oh, no, but it was a terrible experience.
He gagged me. He tied
my hands behind my back.
He might even have killed me
if you hadn't come up
with the ransom money.
Oh, don't mention it, my dear.
After all, it's only money.
Lovey, will you stop saying that?
Oh, but $20,000 is a
lot of money, Mr. Howell.
I don't know how to thank you.
Don't you bother, darling.
Someday, I intend to
repay every single penny.
Oh, no. You don't need to pay
will you let the girl talk, lovey?
Now, what were you saying
about paying?
Mr. Howell. Ginger's been kidnapped,
and this time he wants $30,000.
$30,000? First 20 this
fellow's doing a thriving business.
He wants Mary Ann and me to deliver it.
I must have done a
good job the first time,
because he asked for me again.
Oh, $30,000 is a lot
of money, Mr. Howell,
but it is ginger. Alright, alright.
Here you are. Here you are.
28, 29, 30. It's walking-around money.
Get out of here, will you?
Thank you all for rescuing me.
It was the most terrible ordeal of my life.
Well, he tied my hands and feet.
Did he do that to you, too?
Oh, yes, he did.
The first thing I can remember
was icy fingers as they
clamped over my lips,
and then I could feel the cold steel
of a knife against my throat,
and then he said, "if
you move, you're dead."
I tried to fight, but he was
just too powerful for me,
and then I could feel his hot
breath on the back of my neck,
and he said, "red," he said,
[New York accent] "You're worth
30,000 bucks if you're worth a dime."
I struggled and struggled to be free,
and all the while, he had
this crazy kind of a laugh.
"Heh heh heh heh heh heh."
He just kept laughing.
"Heh heh heh heh heh."
"Heh heh heh heh heh."
Well, that's funny. He didn't laugh
when he kidnapped me. Me, either.
Me, either, but it sounded so dramatic,
I thought I'd get in a little practice.
Oh. Oh, ginger.
Oh, ginger.
Well, the important
thing is that you're back.
And these infernal kidnappings are over.
But they're not over.
He said that he's going to come back
and kidnap everybody else, too,
and then start over again.
Boy, you could make a
fortune just selling him rope.
Well, obviously, we just
can't stand around here
and wait to be kidnapped.
What can we do?
We'll outsmart him. I've got a plan.
Now, listen. This is
what we're going to do.
Professor, this is really a neat trap.
Well, thank you, skipper.
It's a standard technique
in hunting tigers.
You see, first you camouflage a noose.
Then you tie a goat to a stake as bait.
When the tiger tries to take the bait,
he steps into the noose, trips the trap,
and is catapulted up into the air.
We don't have a goat. What
are you gonna use for bait?
Heh. See you later.
Oh, now, gilligan.
You have nothing to fear, little buddy.
We're gonna be hiding in the jungle.
All you have to do is sit on the log
with your back to the trap.
That's right, and when
the kidnapper sees you,
he'll come out of the jungle
and sneak right up behind you.
Well, that's a great idea, and it
will work, except for one thing.
Oh, what's that? I'm getting out of here.
Gilligan, he'll never get near you.
The minute he puts his foot
in this noose, we have him.
You sure it's gonna work?
I give you my word.
Okay, okay, but if I get killed,
I'm not talking to either one
of you two as long as I live.
Come on, professor.
Let's go hide in the jungle.
Professor. Skipper. Help! Help!
We've got him!
Professor, professor, light
the torch. Light the torch.
Professor! Professor!
Gilligan. Gilligan.
Professor. Where's the kidnapper?
I I I knew it was a
dumb idea, professor.
Well, where's the skipper?
The kidnapper got him.
Oh, no, no. The skipper
has got the kidnapper.
Skipper, you got him!
You bet your life, I have.
Now, let's get him back to camp.
Yeah, let's get him back to camp.
Hey, professor? Hey,
skipper? Hey, somebody?
Hey kidnapper? Hey, somebody!
Professor! Skipper!
But kidnapping is such a terrible crime.
Whatever made you do it?
It's a hobby.
And you thought my hobby was crazy.
I only collect seashells.
He collects people.
Don't you even realize
you're committing a crime?
I know, but I can't stop.
Whenever I know there's
money around, I get an itch.
That's why I left civilization
to go someplace where there's no
money, and I wouldn't be tempted.
Then I saw you people,
and the itch came back.
You don't know how
I suffer. It's a disease.
The poor man is sick.
Only an idiot would believe that.
He does. That proves my point.
This is an uncharted
island. How did you find it?
I got caught in a storm,
and my boat got washed up
on the beach.
Wait a minute. You have
a boat? Is it navigable?
Never mind that. Can it sail?
I think so, but the propeller
got bent, but it could be fixed.
Skipper, do you realize what this means?
I certainly do, professor. It means
we can get back to civilization.
Where is the boat?
Uh, on the beach, on the
other side of the lagoon.
Skipper, we'd better get down
there and see if it's seaworthy.
Right. Now, the professor
and I will check the boat.
You go back and tell the girls
and the howells the good news.
Oh, boy.
What good news? About the boat.
Oh, yeah.
And furthermore, when
we get back to the mainland,
I'm going to see that you
are severely punished.
I said I was sorry.
It's too late for that now.
You're a mean, nasty, vicious man.
I know, and I hate myself for it.
But if I had known
you were such a nice lady,
I never would have snatched you.
You're one of the nicest
dames I've ever kidnapped.
Why, you're even nicer
than Mrs. Vandemere.
Vandemere. Do you
mean Melissa vandemere?
Yeah, that's the name. You know her?
We're sorority sisters.
I snatched her in 1962.
Oh, isn't it a small world?
Her husband paid 50,000
bucks for her, you know.
$50,000? You only asked 10,000 for me.
How degrading. A ho well is worth
more than a vandemere
any day of the week.
Don't breathe a word of this to
anyone. I could never live it down.
You put me in a most
embarrassing position.
Uh, I'm sorry. I know I
should have asked for more,
but if she's worth 50,000,
you're worth at least 75.
You're my idea of class.
Oh, thank you.
It's very sweet of you to say that.
Oh, uh, thurston? Do you think
we could give Mr. Wiley
another $65,000?
Now, lovey, you mustn't be taken in
by this this this rascal.
And you, sir? You're the kind
of guy I always wanted to be:
Rich and powerful, captain of industry,
and yet never too busy to give of yourself
so others could share
in your good fortune.
You know, this man has a
keen insight into human behavior.
You, sir, are a man amongst men.
I've been to every doctor
and none of them can help me.
You know, something keeps
pushing me towards crime.
You can't help it you have a disease.
Gilligan, stop wasting your time
talking to him,
and come over and help the
professor and me fix the boat.
In a minute, skipper. Mr. Wiley
was telling me about his disease.
Oh, that again? Don't
listen to what this crook says
with all that scuttlebutt
and all that sort of
hey, you don't know how
lucky you are to be healthy.
I'd give anything to be like you:
Big, strong, good-looking, and honest.
I'll bet your wife's proud of you.
Well, I'm not married.
You ain't? A good-looking guy like you?
I bet the dames go nuts for you.
Well, I do have to fight them off, a little.
Ha ha. A little. What modesty.
You know, if I was a dame,
I couldn't resist you.
I could.
You stay out of this.
Now, what were you saying, Mr. Wiley?
No, I'm sorry. But I think
he should remain in jail,
and when we get home, he
should be turned over to the police.
But he's really very nice.
Oh, yes. He really is.
He can't help it if he has a disease.
He's real sorry
about all his kidnappings, professor.
And if he hadn't come to the island,
we wouldn't have a boat.
But I think I know the criminal mind,
and believe me, it's very difficult
to reform a hardened criminal.
Well, I once played a
psychiatrist in a movie,
and I reformed a criminal.
Just by talking to him, I found
out why he turned to crime.
Ginger, that happens
more often in the movies
than it does in real life.
Oh, professor, please
let me talk to Mr. Wiley.
I'll find out what kind
of a person he really is,
what makes him tick.
Now, you just relax and
tell me about yourself.
Why do you hate your father?
I keep trying to tell you. I don't hate him.
He's a sweetheart of a guy.
Now, how can I help you
if you won't confide in me?
Now, tell me about your childhood.
It was terrible. We was very poor.
My father, he didn't have a job,
and we didn't have any
food or clothing or furniture.
Oh. Did you live in the slums?
No. That was for the rich people.
What did you and your family do
for entertainment?
We used to sit around and
watch each other get skinny.
Oh, how about your friends?
Did you play with other boys?
Yeah. We used to play,
but not football or baseball.
We used to play cops and robbers,
and I was always the cop,
never the good guy.
The cop is the good guy.
Not in our neighborhood.
You know, I once went out with a fellow
who was a safe cracker,
but I didn't know it at the time, of course.
How did you find out?
Well, when he gave me
his telephone number,
he said it was "right, 16,
left, 37, and back to zero."
[Both laugh]
You know, miss Grant,
you're really a good Joe. "Right, 16."
So, you see, he's a victim
of his environment.
Ever since he's been a child,
he's been surrounded by crime.
And it's up to us
to welcome him back to society,
give him a chance
to prove himself again.
Besides, he thinks we're both beautiful.
But, ginger, I don't believe that
oh, professor, she's right.
We have to help him help himself.
But you see, girls, I really don't
oh, professor. Do it for me.
And for me.
Alright. Alright. I'll let him out.
Hey, folks. The propeller's all fixed,
and we can leave the
first thing in the morning.
Yeah, it works just great. Watch.
Gilligan, come back here with that!
Bring it back!
[Crash]
Alright, Mr. Wiley.
You can come out now.
Thank you. You won't be sorry.
From now on, I'm
turning over a new leaf.
You'll be glad you gave me this chance.
Welcome to our family, Mr. Wiley.
Tonight, Mr. and Mrs. Howell
are giving you a "welcome
back to society" party.
That's nice of them people.
Come on. Let's get ready for the party.
I just hope I remember
where I hid the money.
[Dance music playing]
Are you happy, Mr. Wiley?
I ain't never been happier.
It sure is swell to be
wanted by nice people.
Thanks for having faith in me.
We're glad we were able to help you.
Mary Ann, do you want to dance?
Oh, thank you very much, gilligan,
but I promised the
next dance to Mr. Wiley.
Huh? Uh
Mr. Wiley?
Oh, yeah. Dance.
Oh, you dance beautifully, Mr. Wiley.
Thanks.
Uh, change partners?
Well, of course. Do you
mind, lovey, my dear?
Oh, not at all. I'd love
to dance with Mr. Wiley.
Shall we, my dear?
It's so nice to know you've
given up your life of crime.
I owe it all to you wonderful people.
You do dance so well, Mr. Wiley.
I can tell you love it.
It's so exciting.
I liked you best in your last
movie, moon over the mohawk.
It wasn't the title.
It was the story of an Indian astronaut.
It was called, mohawk over the moon.
Yeah. That was the picture.
Yeah.
You were just gorgeous.
You wore your hair up, didn't you?
That's right. How sweet
of you to remember.
Just gorgeous. Thank you.
Yeah. You're just gorgeous.
Thank you, my dear,
for the dance. It was
uh, let let me, Mr. Howell.
Well, that's very decent
of you, my good man.
Thank you.
Mr. Wiley? Quiet folks, please.
I think Mr. Wiley would
like to say a few words.
Here, here.
Jolly good.
Thanks, skipper.
I want you all to know how grateful I am.
This is the first time anybody's
ever given me a break.
I'm all I'm all choked up.
Uh, I don't know if I can go on.
Listen, you'll have to excuse me.
I'd like to be alone to
think of my good fortune.
We understand.
Thanks, folks.
Well, I don't know about the rest of you,
but I feel very good inside.
Yes, I I guess I was wrong about him.
It does prove that
there's good in all of us,
doesn't it?
I guess I'm just an old softie,
but I feel all choked up. I feel I I
my neck my necklace! It's gone!
Heavens to Tiffany, it is!
Ginger, your earrings.
They're gone!
My watch is missing.
And my wallet is gone.
And my pocketknife.
Wiley. That wiley did this.
[Motor whirrs]
There's a motor. He's getting away!
We've got to stop him!
Why, that dirty crook.
He stole my solid gold suspenders!
Oh, no. He's too far away.
We'll never catch him.
Oh, Mr. Wiley, come
back. You promised.
Professor: Oh, there goes our
chance to get off the island.
Hey, there was a note
back there on a tree.
Ooh, let me see. I need some light.
Wait a minute. Here's my
lighter. It's he took that, too.
I got some matches. Wait a minute.
Good. What does it say?
"Hi, dear folks, sorry to disappoint you,
"but the strain of going
straight was too much.
"It was making a nervous wreck of me,
and I know you wouldn't
want me to get sick. Wiley."
So you see, it's not so easy
to reform a hardened criminal in real life.
Come to think of it, that's the
way it ended in the movie, too.
They're here for a long, long time ♪
they'll have to make the best of things ♪
it's an uphill climb ♪
the first mate and his skipper, too ♪
will do their very best ♪
to make the others comfortable ♪
in the tropic island nest ♪
no phone No lights
no motorcars, not a single luxury ♪
like Robinson crusoe ♪
it's primitive as can be ♪
so join us here each week, my friends ♪
you're sure to get a smile ♪
from 7 stranded castaways
here on gilligan's isle ♪
Skipper: I just can't believe it.
Mrs. Howell has been kidnapped.
What else does the ransom note say?
"Put $10,000
in tens and twenties in a bag
and take it to the big rock
on the north side"
North? North. Let's
see. Which way is north?
North is No. That's south.
Will you stop that, gilligan!
Let me get on with this.
"On the north side of the island.
You will find a hollow log
7 paces from the rock."
7 paces? No. That log is at
least 12 paces from that rock.
I've been there, skipper.
It couldn't be 7 paces.
He has no sense of
direction, that kidnapper.
Will you stop that! He doesn't
have to have any sense of direction.
Kidnappers only have
to know about kidnapping.
Now stop it and let me finish this.
"Put the money in the log.
"The ransom is to be delivered
"by the one you call the professor
and the skinny one in the sailor hat."
"Skinny one in the sailor hat."
He must mean me.
Well, he certainly doesn't mean me.
"Do this immediately or"
Wow. A 2-page ransom note.
Would you be quiet!
"Or you'll never see Mrs. Howell again.
You have exactly one hour."
Did he sign it?
Kidnappers don't sign ransom notes.
Well, I've combed the entire area,
and I can't find a single clue.
I don't understand who
would kidnap one of us.
Professor, maybe it's some of the
natives in these adjoining islands.
No, no, no. I thought of that.
They wouldn't ask for ransom.
Natives have no use for money.
No. Obviously there's
a stranger on the island.
You mean, someone we don't know?
Gilligan, if you knew a
stranger, he'd be a friend.
Well, maybe there's a friend
on the island we don't know yet.
Would you stop that?
Gentlemen
Now, gilligan, the kidnapper
wants you and me to deliver the ransom,
so let's go to Mr. Howell, get the money,
and get on our way.
Do I have to?
Well, the ransom note says so.
Okay, professor. I'll go with you.
Gilligan.
First we have to get the
money from Mr. Howell.
Oh, yeah. Why couldn't it be
the fat one with the captain's hat?
Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale ♪
a tale of a fateful trip ♪
that started from this tropic port ♪
aboard this tiny ship ♪
the mate was a mighty sailin' man ♪
the skipper brave and sure ♪
5 passengers set sail that day
for a 3-hour tour ♪
a 3-hour tour ♪
[thunder]
The weather started getting rough ♪
the tiny ship was tossed ♪
if not for the courage
of the fearless crew ♪
the minnow would be lost,
the minnow would be lost ♪
the ship set ground
on the shore of this ♪
uncharted desert isle ♪
with gilligan ♪
the skipper, too ♪
the millionaire and his wife ♪
the movie star ♪
the professor and Mary Ann ♪
here on gilligan's isle ♪
If he touches one hair on her head,
I'll thrash him within
an inch of his life. I'll
1,000, 2,000, 3,000, 4,000, 5,000
9 10,000. There we are.
The ransom note said that
you should pay it in 10s and 20s.
Please. A ho well
never carries petty cash.
$10,000 is an awful lot of money.
A mere pittance.
I'd give every cent in the world I have
to get my lovey back again.
I'd climb the highest mountain,
I'd swim the deepest river,
I'd brave any danger to hold
her once more in my arms.
Such devotion.
Are you going to deliver
the ransom yourself?
Uh, no, I can't. The mosquitoes
are terrible this time of year.
And besides, the note said that that
delivered by professor and gilligan.
If you read the fine print, my dear.
I still think the fat one with
the captain's hat should
gilligan. Alright.
We're ready to leave,
Mr. Howell. Is the ransom ready?
Here it is. Farewell, my friend.
Till we meet again.
Here's the rock.
Yeah, and there's the log.
You put the money in
the log as the note says,
and I'll hide back there
and see if I can spot the kidnapper.
Yeah. Okay.
Gilligan. Go.
Yeah. 7 paces. One
2, 3, 4, 5, 6
7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12.
See? I was right.
Better put it in further.
[Grunts]
Uh-oh.
Help! Professor! I'm
stuck! Hey, professor!
Professor, I'm stuck!
Gilligan! Stay there.
[Grunts]
Professor, I
oh. Help! Professor!
I'm stuck. Hey, professor.
Professor, I'm stuck.
[Grunts]
Professor, I
oh, whoa!
Professor, how am I
gonna get out of this?
Well, I think it'll take a tree surgeon.
Lovey. Lovey, my pet.
Are you alright?
That scoundrel didn't harm you, did he?
Oh, thurston. Thank
goodness you're here.
Oh, what a harrowing experience.
It was horrible. I was afraid for my life,
and I was sure that
blindfold would ruin my hairdo.
Well, what did he look
like? Can you describe him?
Well, of course not. I was
blindfolded every minute.
Oh, you must have suffered terribly.
Oh, I did. I did.
Can you imagine how I felt
being kidnapped in slacks?
Oh, thurston, all the time,
he was threatening to kill me.
Kill you? Why, that bounder. If I
she's gone! She's gone!
Mary Ann's been kidnapped.
Why, that nasty little copycat.
That's the ransom note.
"I've kidnapped the pretty brunette.
"If you want her alive,
"have the rich dame and
her husband bring $20,000
"to the statue of the old native god
"at the south end of the island.
"Place the money
in the mouth of the idol,
and no tricks if you want
to see the girl again."
$20,000? I've already
given him $10,000.
One thing I can't stand
that's a greedy kidnapper.
Give it to him, darling.
After all, it's only money.
Ooh, what you said, lovey. Only money.
Alright. The little girl, Mary
Ann, I'll give the money. I
well, here's the ransom note.
Just follow the instructions.
Now, you go get the money, dear,
and I'll change into
something more appropriate.
Oh, dear. Now, let me see.
What does one wear to deliver ransom?
Lovey: There's the idol.
Yes, good.
We put the ransom money in the
mouth of the idol and return to camp.
Tippytoe, my dear.
Well, it's going to take an agile
person with muscles of steel
to climb up and put the money
in the mouth of that idol,
so come on, lovey. I'll give you a boost.
Oh, thurston. I couldn't
possibly climb that idol.
But I gave the ransom
money. Must I do everything?
Oh, thurston.
Alright, dear. Give me a little boost.
I will, darling.
[Grunts]
Lovey [Grunts]
Watch it, lovey! I'm coming down!
Oof! Darling, are you alright?
Fortunately, I landed on my wallet.
Thurston, darling, do stop
pacing. You're making me nervous.
It's been 2 hours since
we paid the ransom,
and Mary Ann isn't back yet.
$20,000, lovey, right down the drain.
If she isn't back within the hour,
I'm gonna demand a refund.
Oh, Mr. and Mrs. Howell.
Oh, Mary Ann, I'm so glad you're back.
Are you alright, dear?
Oh, yes. Yes, it's good to see you.
The scoundrel didn't harm you, did he?
Oh, no, but it was a terrible experience.
He gagged me. He tied
my hands behind my back.
He might even have killed me
if you hadn't come up
with the ransom money.
Oh, don't mention it, my dear.
After all, it's only money.
Lovey, will you stop saying that?
Oh, but $20,000 is a
lot of money, Mr. Howell.
I don't know how to thank you.
Don't you bother, darling.
Someday, I intend to
repay every single penny.
Oh, no. You don't need to pay
will you let the girl talk, lovey?
Now, what were you saying
about paying?
Mr. Howell. Ginger's been kidnapped,
and this time he wants $30,000.
$30,000? First 20 this
fellow's doing a thriving business.
He wants Mary Ann and me to deliver it.
I must have done a
good job the first time,
because he asked for me again.
Oh, $30,000 is a lot
of money, Mr. Howell,
but it is ginger. Alright, alright.
Here you are. Here you are.
28, 29, 30. It's walking-around money.
Get out of here, will you?
Thank you all for rescuing me.
It was the most terrible ordeal of my life.
Well, he tied my hands and feet.
Did he do that to you, too?
Oh, yes, he did.
The first thing I can remember
was icy fingers as they
clamped over my lips,
and then I could feel the cold steel
of a knife against my throat,
and then he said, "if
you move, you're dead."
I tried to fight, but he was
just too powerful for me,
and then I could feel his hot
breath on the back of my neck,
and he said, "red," he said,
[New York accent] "You're worth
30,000 bucks if you're worth a dime."
I struggled and struggled to be free,
and all the while, he had
this crazy kind of a laugh.
"Heh heh heh heh heh heh."
He just kept laughing.
"Heh heh heh heh heh."
"Heh heh heh heh heh."
Well, that's funny. He didn't laugh
when he kidnapped me. Me, either.
Me, either, but it sounded so dramatic,
I thought I'd get in a little practice.
Oh. Oh, ginger.
Oh, ginger.
Well, the important
thing is that you're back.
And these infernal kidnappings are over.
But they're not over.
He said that he's going to come back
and kidnap everybody else, too,
and then start over again.
Boy, you could make a
fortune just selling him rope.
Well, obviously, we just
can't stand around here
and wait to be kidnapped.
What can we do?
We'll outsmart him. I've got a plan.
Now, listen. This is
what we're going to do.
Professor, this is really a neat trap.
Well, thank you, skipper.
It's a standard technique
in hunting tigers.
You see, first you camouflage a noose.
Then you tie a goat to a stake as bait.
When the tiger tries to take the bait,
he steps into the noose, trips the trap,
and is catapulted up into the air.
We don't have a goat. What
are you gonna use for bait?
Heh. See you later.
Oh, now, gilligan.
You have nothing to fear, little buddy.
We're gonna be hiding in the jungle.
All you have to do is sit on the log
with your back to the trap.
That's right, and when
the kidnapper sees you,
he'll come out of the jungle
and sneak right up behind you.
Well, that's a great idea, and it
will work, except for one thing.
Oh, what's that? I'm getting out of here.
Gilligan, he'll never get near you.
The minute he puts his foot
in this noose, we have him.
You sure it's gonna work?
I give you my word.
Okay, okay, but if I get killed,
I'm not talking to either one
of you two as long as I live.
Come on, professor.
Let's go hide in the jungle.
Professor. Skipper. Help! Help!
We've got him!
Professor, professor, light
the torch. Light the torch.
Professor! Professor!
Gilligan. Gilligan.
Professor. Where's the kidnapper?
I I I knew it was a
dumb idea, professor.
Well, where's the skipper?
The kidnapper got him.
Oh, no, no. The skipper
has got the kidnapper.
Skipper, you got him!
You bet your life, I have.
Now, let's get him back to camp.
Yeah, let's get him back to camp.
Hey, professor? Hey,
skipper? Hey, somebody?
Hey kidnapper? Hey, somebody!
Professor! Skipper!
But kidnapping is such a terrible crime.
Whatever made you do it?
It's a hobby.
And you thought my hobby was crazy.
I only collect seashells.
He collects people.
Don't you even realize
you're committing a crime?
I know, but I can't stop.
Whenever I know there's
money around, I get an itch.
That's why I left civilization
to go someplace where there's no
money, and I wouldn't be tempted.
Then I saw you people,
and the itch came back.
You don't know how
I suffer. It's a disease.
The poor man is sick.
Only an idiot would believe that.
He does. That proves my point.
This is an uncharted
island. How did you find it?
I got caught in a storm,
and my boat got washed up
on the beach.
Wait a minute. You have
a boat? Is it navigable?
Never mind that. Can it sail?
I think so, but the propeller
got bent, but it could be fixed.
Skipper, do you realize what this means?
I certainly do, professor. It means
we can get back to civilization.
Where is the boat?
Uh, on the beach, on the
other side of the lagoon.
Skipper, we'd better get down
there and see if it's seaworthy.
Right. Now, the professor
and I will check the boat.
You go back and tell the girls
and the howells the good news.
Oh, boy.
What good news? About the boat.
Oh, yeah.
And furthermore, when
we get back to the mainland,
I'm going to see that you
are severely punished.
I said I was sorry.
It's too late for that now.
You're a mean, nasty, vicious man.
I know, and I hate myself for it.
But if I had known
you were such a nice lady,
I never would have snatched you.
You're one of the nicest
dames I've ever kidnapped.
Why, you're even nicer
than Mrs. Vandemere.
Vandemere. Do you
mean Melissa vandemere?
Yeah, that's the name. You know her?
We're sorority sisters.
I snatched her in 1962.
Oh, isn't it a small world?
Her husband paid 50,000
bucks for her, you know.
$50,000? You only asked 10,000 for me.
How degrading. A ho well is worth
more than a vandemere
any day of the week.
Don't breathe a word of this to
anyone. I could never live it down.
You put me in a most
embarrassing position.
Uh, I'm sorry. I know I
should have asked for more,
but if she's worth 50,000,
you're worth at least 75.
You're my idea of class.
Oh, thank you.
It's very sweet of you to say that.
Oh, uh, thurston? Do you think
we could give Mr. Wiley
another $65,000?
Now, lovey, you mustn't be taken in
by this this this rascal.
And you, sir? You're the kind
of guy I always wanted to be:
Rich and powerful, captain of industry,
and yet never too busy to give of yourself
so others could share
in your good fortune.
You know, this man has a
keen insight into human behavior.
You, sir, are a man amongst men.
I've been to every doctor
and none of them can help me.
You know, something keeps
pushing me towards crime.
You can't help it you have a disease.
Gilligan, stop wasting your time
talking to him,
and come over and help the
professor and me fix the boat.
In a minute, skipper. Mr. Wiley
was telling me about his disease.
Oh, that again? Don't
listen to what this crook says
with all that scuttlebutt
and all that sort of
hey, you don't know how
lucky you are to be healthy.
I'd give anything to be like you:
Big, strong, good-looking, and honest.
I'll bet your wife's proud of you.
Well, I'm not married.
You ain't? A good-looking guy like you?
I bet the dames go nuts for you.
Well, I do have to fight them off, a little.
Ha ha. A little. What modesty.
You know, if I was a dame,
I couldn't resist you.
I could.
You stay out of this.
Now, what were you saying, Mr. Wiley?
No, I'm sorry. But I think
he should remain in jail,
and when we get home, he
should be turned over to the police.
But he's really very nice.
Oh, yes. He really is.
He can't help it if he has a disease.
He's real sorry
about all his kidnappings, professor.
And if he hadn't come to the island,
we wouldn't have a boat.
But I think I know the criminal mind,
and believe me, it's very difficult
to reform a hardened criminal.
Well, I once played a
psychiatrist in a movie,
and I reformed a criminal.
Just by talking to him, I found
out why he turned to crime.
Ginger, that happens
more often in the movies
than it does in real life.
Oh, professor, please
let me talk to Mr. Wiley.
I'll find out what kind
of a person he really is,
what makes him tick.
Now, you just relax and
tell me about yourself.
Why do you hate your father?
I keep trying to tell you. I don't hate him.
He's a sweetheart of a guy.
Now, how can I help you
if you won't confide in me?
Now, tell me about your childhood.
It was terrible. We was very poor.
My father, he didn't have a job,
and we didn't have any
food or clothing or furniture.
Oh. Did you live in the slums?
No. That was for the rich people.
What did you and your family do
for entertainment?
We used to sit around and
watch each other get skinny.
Oh, how about your friends?
Did you play with other boys?
Yeah. We used to play,
but not football or baseball.
We used to play cops and robbers,
and I was always the cop,
never the good guy.
The cop is the good guy.
Not in our neighborhood.
You know, I once went out with a fellow
who was a safe cracker,
but I didn't know it at the time, of course.
How did you find out?
Well, when he gave me
his telephone number,
he said it was "right, 16,
left, 37, and back to zero."
[Both laugh]
You know, miss Grant,
you're really a good Joe. "Right, 16."
So, you see, he's a victim
of his environment.
Ever since he's been a child,
he's been surrounded by crime.
And it's up to us
to welcome him back to society,
give him a chance
to prove himself again.
Besides, he thinks we're both beautiful.
But, ginger, I don't believe that
oh, professor, she's right.
We have to help him help himself.
But you see, girls, I really don't
oh, professor. Do it for me.
And for me.
Alright. Alright. I'll let him out.
Hey, folks. The propeller's all fixed,
and we can leave the
first thing in the morning.
Yeah, it works just great. Watch.
Gilligan, come back here with that!
Bring it back!
[Crash]
Alright, Mr. Wiley.
You can come out now.
Thank you. You won't be sorry.
From now on, I'm
turning over a new leaf.
You'll be glad you gave me this chance.
Welcome to our family, Mr. Wiley.
Tonight, Mr. and Mrs. Howell
are giving you a "welcome
back to society" party.
That's nice of them people.
Come on. Let's get ready for the party.
I just hope I remember
where I hid the money.
[Dance music playing]
Are you happy, Mr. Wiley?
I ain't never been happier.
It sure is swell to be
wanted by nice people.
Thanks for having faith in me.
We're glad we were able to help you.
Mary Ann, do you want to dance?
Oh, thank you very much, gilligan,
but I promised the
next dance to Mr. Wiley.
Huh? Uh
Mr. Wiley?
Oh, yeah. Dance.
Oh, you dance beautifully, Mr. Wiley.
Thanks.
Uh, change partners?
Well, of course. Do you
mind, lovey, my dear?
Oh, not at all. I'd love
to dance with Mr. Wiley.
Shall we, my dear?
It's so nice to know you've
given up your life of crime.
I owe it all to you wonderful people.
You do dance so well, Mr. Wiley.
I can tell you love it.
It's so exciting.
I liked you best in your last
movie, moon over the mohawk.
It wasn't the title.
It was the story of an Indian astronaut.
It was called, mohawk over the moon.
Yeah. That was the picture.
Yeah.
You were just gorgeous.
You wore your hair up, didn't you?
That's right. How sweet
of you to remember.
Just gorgeous. Thank you.
Yeah. You're just gorgeous.
Thank you, my dear,
for the dance. It was
uh, let let me, Mr. Howell.
Well, that's very decent
of you, my good man.
Thank you.
Mr. Wiley? Quiet folks, please.
I think Mr. Wiley would
like to say a few words.
Here, here.
Jolly good.
Thanks, skipper.
I want you all to know how grateful I am.
This is the first time anybody's
ever given me a break.
I'm all I'm all choked up.
Uh, I don't know if I can go on.
Listen, you'll have to excuse me.
I'd like to be alone to
think of my good fortune.
We understand.
Thanks, folks.
Well, I don't know about the rest of you,
but I feel very good inside.
Yes, I I guess I was wrong about him.
It does prove that
there's good in all of us,
doesn't it?
I guess I'm just an old softie,
but I feel all choked up. I feel I I
my neck my necklace! It's gone!
Heavens to Tiffany, it is!
Ginger, your earrings.
They're gone!
My watch is missing.
And my wallet is gone.
And my pocketknife.
Wiley. That wiley did this.
[Motor whirrs]
There's a motor. He's getting away!
We've got to stop him!
Why, that dirty crook.
He stole my solid gold suspenders!
Oh, no. He's too far away.
We'll never catch him.
Oh, Mr. Wiley, come
back. You promised.
Professor: Oh, there goes our
chance to get off the island.
Hey, there was a note
back there on a tree.
Ooh, let me see. I need some light.
Wait a minute. Here's my
lighter. It's he took that, too.
I got some matches. Wait a minute.
Good. What does it say?
"Hi, dear folks, sorry to disappoint you,
"but the strain of going
straight was too much.
"It was making a nervous wreck of me,
and I know you wouldn't
want me to get sick. Wiley."
So you see, it's not so easy
to reform a hardened criminal in real life.
Come to think of it, that's the
way it ended in the movie, too.
They're here for a long, long time ♪
they'll have to make the best of things ♪
it's an uphill climb ♪
the first mate and his skipper, too ♪
will do their very best ♪
to make the others comfortable ♪
in the tropic island nest ♪
no phone No lights
no motorcars, not a single luxury ♪
like Robinson crusoe ♪
it's primitive as can be ♪
so join us here each week, my friends ♪
you're sure to get a smile ♪
from 7 stranded castaways
here on gilligan's isle ♪