Happy Days (1974) s03e12 Episode Script

1
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪
Ready to race to you ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪Oh, baby ♪
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪
Rocking and rolling all week long ♪
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
Saturday, what a day ♪
Groovin' all week with you ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪
Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, baby ♪
These happy days ♪
Are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours ♪
And mine, Happy Days! ♪
Happy Days is filmed before a live audience.
Ooh, wah-ooh, wah-wah-wah-wah-ah. ♪
Hi, Lois.
Uh, listen, uh, I'm having this party
over at my place, uh, Saturday night,
and I was wondering if Hey, Cunningham.
I got a problem, huh?
Don't dally, and let's make it on the double.
Right. All right, listen,
I'll be back in a second, okay? Hey!
Fonz, I was just getting ready to ask her for a date.
Cunningham, in this life, there are sometimes
more important things than chicks.
Now, I got to pick up a rebuilt crankshaft, huh?
Place close
the place closes in ten minutes, right?
A crankshaft is more important than chicks?
Hey, you want to listen to me?
I picked up a drummer. Huh?
I found a drummer for your party.
How did you do that, Fonz? Great! No kidding, Fonz? Great!
He'll play in our band? Well, I lied to him.
I said you guys were good.
Where is he?
All right, now he's new in town.
I met him at the garage. Yeah.
All right, he's going to meet me here.
He came in with a, uh, ruptured fuel line.
Yeah. What's his name?
Sticks Downey. Uh-huh.
Now, if he comes and I'm not back,
you treat him right.
Well, how will we know him, Fonz? Yeah, what's he like?
Well, he's about your age, only he's cool.
All right, now listen, if I'm not back,
you're going to take good care of him, right?
Oh, yeah. Oh, sure, Fonz.
Any friend of yours is a friend of ours.
Yeah, I know that.
Now listen.
You get back to your date, and be confident.
Yeah, right, Fonz. Okay. All right, hey.
Hold it, doll face.
How'd you like to do yourself a favor
and come to a swinging bash over at my place?
We're staging this real cool.
"Welcome Hawaii to the Union Luau."
Ooh, a luau? Yeah.
Oh, I'd like to!
You would? Uh, yeah, great.
I hate luaus.
Who asked you?
But only if you can get a date for Meralee.
We were going to the movies together, you know,
and I can't leave her flat. Yeah.
Are you talking about a blind date?
Yeah, but no funny stuff.
None of those joke dates.
Joke dates? You know.
You guys are always pulling that stuff on me.
Setting me up with four-year-old kids,
old men poodles.
All right, all right, all right, calm down, calm down.
Yeah, okay, all right, I'll get you a date.
Uh Well?
Well, you see, it's kind of hard
Hey, wait a minute, wait a minute, there's a new guy
coming in here in a minute. Yeah?
How new?
No, don't worry.
This guy is a friend of Fonzie's.
What's his name? Sticks Downey.
He's going to play the drums for us at the party.
Doesn't sound like a joke.
No, no, he's cool.
He's going to just sit in with, uh, Ralph, Potsie and me.
Excuse me, are you Richie Cunningham? Yeah.
Hi, I'm Fonzie's friend, Sticks Downey.
Ah
Thanks a lot, Richie. I'm really sorry.
No, I didn't know about this, really.
Just forget it. No.
You are not very nice. See, I had no idea.
Not nice at all. Meralee, I'm really
Just forget the whole thing. I didn't
See if I care. Forget it.
Why do I get the feeling I was just humiliated?
Hey, Rich, what happened?
Nothing, nothing. Nothing.
Well, you see what happened,
Meralee needed a date, a blind date,
and since Fonzie's friend was coming
Look out, babe, you got the wrong man.
Yeah. Well, wait a minute, wait a second.
Richie didn't mean anything by it.
He's just socially clumsy.
Thanks, Ralph. Sure.
Listen, it's really nice to meet you. Ralph Malph.
Hey. Hey, Potsie Weber here, Sticks.
How are you doing? How are you doing?
Listen Sticks, we've got to get
together sometime, play some basketball.
Basketball?
Yeah, well, you guys are supposed to be really
Ralph, wait a minute
No man, I don't play basketball.
My hands get too slick from eating
all that fried chicken.
I've heard that.
You heard that?!
It must be all over town.
Hey, how's it going, Sticks?
I just got stood up by a blonde
that I didn't even know I had a date with.
We've been talking about basketball and fried chicken.
Look out for a discussion
of the joys of eating watermelon.
Yeah, yeah, sure, well, now you wait for me.
Cunningham! Hey!
I like watermelon.
I'm sorry.
I tell you, I feel worse about this than you do.
Not only did I embarrass the guy,
but I probably lost my drummer.
I mean, he'll never play for our group now.
I wouldn't.
Now I've got a band, and no drummer.
Every time I plan a party,
it turns out to be a disaster.
Hold it, Fonzie, don't kill him.
It's cool, man.
Now what's cool?
Uh, your friends explained what happened.
I guess it was just an accident.
Oh, yeah, yeah, could've happened to anybody.
Now wait a minute.
It couldn't have happened to me.
So, will you come to my party?
To play drums with you guys? Yeah, yeah.
You never even heard me play.
Yeah, but I figured you've got to be a good drummer
because, you know Look out, here we go again.
No, no. I mean, you've got to be
a good drummer because they call you Sticks, right?
No, man, they call me Sticks because I'm skinny.
Well, then, uh, how about my party?
Well, I'd like to come to your party, Mm-hmm.
And I love to play the drums, but, um Yeah?
Sticks don't go to a party without a date.
Well, then why don't you get a date?
With who?
I just moved to town.
You know how tough it is for us skinny guys
when we move to a new neighborhood.
Yeah, I get your drift.
All right.
Okay, I'll get you a date. How about that?
Uh, no, thanks, man, I've seen what you fixed me up
No, no, not like that, no.
I'll get you somebody who's right for you.
Okay, I'm sold.
- But not literally.
- All right.
Okay, I'm going to take off.
I got to get home and put on some weight.
Yeah, right. Yeah.
See you later, Fonz. Thanks a lot.
Oh, man, this is good, this is really good.
Yeah, I'll tell you, this is really good.
You're going to get him a date. Right.
Who do you know that's Negro?
Well, Frederick, the cook here at Arnold's.
No, no, no, he's too old and the wrong sex.
Yeah, but I figure he's got to have friends, right?
Not the way he cooks.
Friends? What are you talking about?
Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Where are you going? Home.
Will you come back here. What about Frederick?
Well, I'll talk to him later.
I mean, I really don't want to go in the kitchen
and bother him while he's working, you know.
Call him now.
Fonz, this man is six foot, five,
and I don't want to get him mad at me.
Call him now. Yeah.
Frederick?
Probably his day off.
Frederick, get out here.
Who's got the big mouth?
Just wait a minute.
Mr. Cunningham here wants to talk to Frederick.
Oh, Frederick got a better job, Richie.
He's working in a delicatessen.
Aw, great, what am I going to do now?
What can Frederick do I can't do?
I need a girl.
Oh, no, I don't do that kind of stuff.
You get a cabbie or a bell captain.
No, no, I don't think you understand.
You see, I've got a friend, and I can't get him a date.
Uh-huh. Because he's colored.
What color?
No, no, no, you don't understand.
See, Richie's got to fix up this Negro guy.
Now do you know anybody?
Oh, not me, you got the wrong color.
You should ask Sammy Davis, Jr.
I tell you what, I'll phone Frederick.
See, he's got a girlfriend who have a niece.
Maybe he can arrange a date.
Oh, yeah, that's great. Where's the party?
Well, it's at my place, this Saturday night.
Okay. Thanks, Arnold.
Oh, now, wait a minute, wait a minute.
If this happens, Sticks gets to check her out.
You know, you can't be too careful.
Uh-oh.
Which one of you is Sticks?
I'm, uh, Bill Downey, Jr, ma'am.
They call me Sticks.
I'm Kathleen's aunt.
Look out.
Who do you think you are
checking out my niece, Kathleen?
Oh, well, no offense, nice lady,
but when you buy a car, you check under the hood first.
Listen, duck tail. Ducktail?
Oh, no, take it easy, Fonz.
She's a woman.
She's a woman, Fonz. Okay?
If anybody tries to check under Kathleen's hood,
they're going to get a dipstick up their nose.
Now, I want to get something straight.
I'm here to check you out. Yes, ma'am.
What's a good looking item like you
need to be fixed up for?
You got something wrong with you?
No, ma'am, I just, uh, moved to Milwaukee,
and I don't know too many of our people.
He's a real nice guy.
He'll be going to our high school.
Well, I guess you're okay.
Why don't you go down to the car
and say hello to Kathleen?
Thank you, ma'am.
Just say hello.
I hear you.
Sticks is okay. I like him. Yeah.
Mind if I sit down?
A little.
Now, who's having this luau thing?
I am.
And who are the chaperones?
My parents.
Get them up here. I want to meet them.
Oh, yeah, right.
Just hang on for one second, I'll get them.
Mom, Dad, would you
come up here for a second, please?
Are these all your chicks?
Well, yeah, there's a cross section.
What's going on? Well, uh
Are you his father?
Yes. And this is his mother?
Yes. Who is this?
Dad, please, it's very important.
I'm Rosemary Stevens.
My niece might come to your son's party.
Oh, well, it will be so nice to have her.
Thank you.
I didn't come here to make trouble.
But what are your qualifications as chaperones?
Qualifications? Yes.
Well, uh, mother here used to be
the bouncer at Eddie's Bar and Grill.
Howard!
Why don't we just tell her what she wants to know.
I was I was the president of the PTA,
and Howard is a veteran.
We like bowling, and, uh, we give to the NAACP.
And we've seen The Jolson Story twice.
Marion!
Uh, ma'am, so do you think it'd be all right
if Kathleen came to the party?
Are you going to be chaperones?
Oh, we'll be here, we'll be here.
Well, then, I guess it will be all right.
Oh, good, I want to assure you
that your niece will have a very nice time, Oh, thank you.
And there will be no liquor served
at the party. It was nice meeting you.
Right, and I don't want to catch you
spiking the punch Who's that?
Oh, Howard, don't be nosey.
What do you mean "nosey"? It's my house, Marion.
Look out, that Kathleen is something else!
Well, I guess he likes what he saw. Yeah?
Ooh, we're going to have some party, Cunningham.
I'm going to play those drums
till Indians show up. All right.
Fonz?
Oh, hey, Fonz, what's shaking?
Oh, Richie's not here, is he?
Uh, no, he's not here.
Now listen, you're just in time for lunch.
You got a can opener?
This is only good for beer.
No, Fonz. Do you know where he went?
Yeah, he ran out of here, crazy about his party.
Something like that. Oh, no.
Oh, no, not the party, Ralph.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
The guy runs out of here bubbling with glee
for the first time since he tried to grow a moustache
and you guys are both depressed.
Well, it's nothing, Fonz.
We'll see you later. Yeah, see you, Fonz.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, get back in here.
No, really, Fonz, we really got to go. Gotta run, Fonz.
Do my ears deceive me
or did the Fonz say, "Get back in here"?
Clear as a bell, Fonz.
All right, now won't you be seated?
Lunch is served.
I just ate. You'll eat again.
Oh.
All right, now, what is going on here, huh?
You like beans? No.
I like beans. You would.
All right, now, you want to stop hesitating
and tell the Fonz why you want to talk to Cunningham?
Well, we might as well tell you.
It's the party. RALPH: Nobody's coming.
What do you mean nobody's coming?
I just got you a drummer.
Now what's the problem?
Well, what it is, Fonz, is the situation here
is that Sticks is, um he's colored.
I know that.
Fonz, we like Sticks a lot, you know that.
It's the kids down at Arnold's,
they don't understand.
They think there's only two different kinds of people,
white and colored.
There are two kinds of people Cool and nerds.
And the people down at Arnold's are nerds!
Meanwhile, we've got to find Richie
and tell him about the party. Excuse me.
But you're not going to tell him a thing.
But he's going to wonder if no one shows up at the luau.
I will take care of that right now.
Don't worry about it, everybody will be there.
The beans are cancelled.
Where are you going, Fonz?
I'm going down to Arnold's to have some nerds for lunch.
I was looking forward to the beans.
Excuse me.
He'll call you right back.
All right.
Now I want your attention,
your complete and undivided attention.
That's better.
Now, do you know that a false rumor
has reached the Fonz's ear?
One which I'm sure that all of you people
will immediately prove false.
Now, you know Richie Cunningham
Who is a very personal and good friend of the Fonz
He's having a party Saturday night.
And I have been told,
by some very unreliable sources,
that some of you people intend not coming.
I am sure that none of you will miss this gala event.
For example,
Bag, you're going to be there, aren't you?
Oh, of course, Fonzie, I wouldn't miss it for the world.
Hey, I thought so.
Now, everybody who is coming to this party,
please, raise your hands, don't be afraid,
just raise your hands.
Splendid, very splendid.
Hands down.
Now let this be a lesson.
The Fonz knows how to win friends and influence people.
Yeah, just like Dale Carnegie, huh, Fonz?
Well, yeah, she was very friendly with Roy Rogers.
That was a joke.
I just made a joke.
Oh, funny, Fonz. Good one, Fonz.
Hey, gang,
how many of you were told by your parents
you better not go to that party?
Mine also.
So, how many of you are not going?
Come on, it's 8:00
and the people will be arriving soon.
I need some help.
Anything I can do, Mom?
Yes, dear, put those two on the coffee table.
Oh, Richard, will you answer the door?
Your father is busy helping me. Right.
Aloha! Hey, Rich.
I thought you were bringing the girls.
Ralph's getting them. Oh, okay.
Hey, Pots, you want to limbo?
Oh, Joanie dear, now we're letting you stay up
for the party, but there's something you have to learn.
Ladies do not scream things
across the room at adult gatherings.
Well, what if I want to get someone's attention?
Well, a lady could just clear her throat.
That's right, Marion.
Hey, hi, everybody.
All right, where's my date?
Uh, she didn't show up yet.
She missed my entrance her loss.
Fonzie, this is supposed to be a Hawaiian luau.
Everybody's supposed to be dressed. Aaayyh!
Hey Aay-aay!
I'll get it.
Sticks, come on in.
You must be Kathleen, huh?
Yeah. All right, well, let's see.
I'm Richie Cunningham. Nice meeting you.
This is, uh, my sister, Joanie. Hi.
Hi. These are my parents.
How do you do? So nice to meet you.
Hi, I'm Potsie, and this is my good buddy, Fonz.
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
Would you like to see the rest of the house?
Joanie, why don't you show them around?
Okay. Here, I'll show you upstairs.
It's a pretty nice place.
Except for my room, where they usually
hide me from company.
Aloha!
Aloha.
Where's the girls?
I'm afraid I've got bad news.
I knew I should've picked them up.
What bad news?
Nobody's coming. Why?
Because of Sticks and Kathleen.
Wait a minute, you mean they're not coming because
Now, wait a minute, wait a minute.
That was yesterday. Now I went down to Arnold's.
I gave them my personal invitation.
Everybody is coming.
Ralph just said that his date's not showing up,
my date's not showing up and neither is Potsie's.
And you guys think that's because of Sticks and Kathleen?
Yeah, right.
Your date's not coming either, Fonz.
Now hold it! Something's wrong here!
I'm going to go down to Arnold's,
and I'm going to fill up this room in five minutes.
Wait a minute, Fonzie.
Don't go down to Arnold's.
You can't fight prejudice that way.
I can't?
All I've got to do is go down there and snap my fingers.
No, Fonz.
"No, Fonz"?
Look, you're the coolest.
I mean, there's absolutely no question about it,
you are the coolest.
Yeah, I know that. Get to the point.
Well, the point is that prejudice is stronger than cool.
Stronger than cool?
Yeah, but don't get upset.
You see, prejudice had a big head start.
It started with the cavemen.
Cool's only been around since Benny Goodman.
Stronger than cool?
I've had bad parties before,
but I can't believe that nobody is showing up
because of Sticks and Kathleen.
Sticks!
Listen, I didn't know that you were
Hey, look, don't worry about it.
It happens all the time.
Folks don't like to go to parties with, uh,
us skinny people.
Come on, they didn't show up because you're colored.
I am?
I am!
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
Quit clowning around!
Quit joking!
Man, you're staying right here!
Those people at Arnold's can just sit on it, man.
They're just a bunch of nerds.
If I want to have a colored guy at my party,
I'm going to have a colored guy at my party.
If I want to have ten colored people,
that's what I'm going to have!
Now let's play music and have fun.
Come on.
Now wait a minute.
Wait one minute and hold it!
Everybody is going crazy here.
The people at Arnold's
don't want to come to this party 'cause he's colored.
You want to keep him here at
this party 'cause he is colored.
Now you don't ask him to stay
to prove something, huh?
And if you don't like him, you ask him to leave.
And if you don't like his drumming you break his sticks.
But would you please cut out that,
"I can have a colored guy at my party if I want to" jazz.
Now do you want him to stay here, or you do not?
Well, of course I want him to stay here.
I mean All right.
I just said it wrong 'cause I was steamed, that's all.
Look, you ate so much food, the least you can do is play.
Hey, I didn't eat anything yet.
So you'll eat a lot later.
Right! Come on, let's play.
Hello, everybody.
Arnold!
I'm crashing the party,
so I bring you a pineapple.
Oh. Come in. I'm so glad you came.
Boy, I sure love a party.
I not like those kids down at Arnold's.
You know, afraid to come out.
Hey, Arnie. Huh?
You're all right.
Sure, what do I care what my parents think?
They still in Miami Beach.
One, two, three, four.
Honeycomb, honeycomb ♪
Well, it's a darn good life, and it's kinda funny ♪
How the bee was made and the bee made honey ♪
And the honeybee looking for a home ♪
Made a honeycomb ♪
Well, they combed the world and they gathered ♪
All the honeycomb in one sweet ball ♪
And the honeycomb from a million trips ♪
Made my baby's lips ♪
Well, honeycomb, won't you be my baby ♪
Well, honeycomb, be my own ♪
Got a hanka hair and a piece of bone ♪
Made a walking, talking honeycomb ♪
Well, honeycomb, won't you be my baby ♪
Honeycomb, be my own ♪
It's a darn good life when you
have a wife like honeycomb. ♪
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪
Rocking and rolling all week long ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪Oh, baby ♪
These happy days are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪