Elsbeth (2024) s03e13 Episode Script

1
(LIVELY CHATTER)
(CHUCKLES) Last Saturday's 12-Down
nearly ruined my weekend.
Those crossings felt especially cruel.
I still don't know what that word means.
"Cheugy"? It means outdated or uncool.
Just like you, Wallace.
Like all of us, I fear.
Well, Morris is just trying
to keep the puzzle relevant.
Relevant to whom?
I don't see any twentysomethings
here, do you?
And yet half the words
in the puzzle lately
- are text abbreviations.
- TRUDY: Shh.
He is right over there.
Have some respect.
WALLACE: You're looking well
this year, Simon.
What's different?
TRUDY: You changed your hair.
And are you wearing cologne?
I guess this means you heard
about Elaine's divorce.
If Simon's preoccupied with a crush,
we might all have a chance
at winning the tournament.
- (CHUCKLES)
- (ALBERT AND WALLACE CHUCKLE)
(GASPS) Speak of the devil.
- Hi.
- Hi!
(LAUGHTER)
I'm so glad I made it
in time for the mixer.
My flight was delayed. It was agony.
- Is everyone excited?
- (OTHERS CHUCKLE)
My train was delayed.
(STAMMERS) The subway, I mean.
I-I took the 1 from my apartment,
and, uh, someone said there was
an incident on 86th Street,
so I guess, uh, that was
the cause of the delay.
Huh.
But I I'm staying
at the hotel for the tournament.
I booked a suite.
It's surprisingly roomy.
ELAINE: It's going to be a fun week,
hmm?
(OTHERS CHUCKLE)
(OLD-TIMEY JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)
(LIVELY CHATTER CONTINUES)
(LAUGHING): Oh, stop.
(LAUGHTER)
MORRIS: It's the moment
you've waited for all year.
Many of you traveled from
far and wide to get here.
And as the editor of our beloved puzzle
for these past 27 years,
and as founder of this tournament,
I am truly honored that you did.
So, without further ado
that's A-D-O, not A-D-I-E-U,
but you already know that.
(LAUGHTER)
Solvers, get ready, get set,
begin your crosswords.
(HUSHED): So, walk us through
what's happening here, Morris.
These are Division A solvers
working on their first round
of crossword puzzles,
which get harder throughout the day.
Solvers with the best times
advance to the semifinals tomorrow.
RADIO HOST: And then?
MORRIS: Semifinalist winners
make it to the finals next weekend,
where the top three players will compete
for the title of tournament champion.
I'll be on the edge of my seat.
And for all you listeners at home,
if you like what you're hearing today,
please consider donating
during our matching grant.
Now more than ever,
we rely on supporters like you.
(DIALOGUE INAUDIBLE)
That clue in puzzle three
was beyond insulting.
A TikTok dance, really?
- Apparently, it was quite popular.
- Someone should really talk to Morris.
This is getting out of hand.
They also spelled "yas queen"
with three "S's."
It's not right.
It's not right with one "S" either.
I suppose I could mention it to him.
Morris invited me out
for dinner this week.
He did?
But you're a competitor.
(STAMMERS, SIGHS)
He's putting you on the spot
by asking you out.
It's an abuse of power.
Well, I don't mind.
I'd like to get to know Morris better.
How about that last 8-Down?
Talk about a nail-biter.
(KNOCKING)
Simon Carroll. What's wrong now?
Did you ask Elaine McClusk on a date?
(CHUCKLES) That's none of your business.
It's unethical, Morris.
She's a competitor.
And she just got a divorce.
Would you give the woman
a moment's peace?
As if you're not already circling.
It's against tournament rules.
Wrong. I wrote the rules, remember?
There's nothing about sharing meals,
but I do have a rule
about badgering the judges.
The penalty is 15 seconds
added to your time.
You can't do that.
See you down there.
Y-You used to thrill us!
You referenced the classics,
geopolitics and real music.
Now it's all lazy clues and
subpar pop culture references.
Who is it for?
Why are you bending to the will
of a generation
that gets their news from an emoji?
This puzzle is an institution,
that you've destroyed!
And stay away from Elaine!
You're disqualified! Permanently!
- But you
- If I so much as see you watching,
security will escort you out.
I'm calling Marjorie to let her know.
(GRUNTING)
(PANTING)
(TABLET CHIMES)
(TABLET BUZZING)
(SIGHS)
(TABLET CHIRPS)
("STALKER'S TANGO" BY AUTOHEART PLAYING)
(MOUTHING)
MARJORIE: Solvers, get ready.
Start your puzzles.
I know, I know, I know ♪
This situation's strange ♪
It takes a little getting ♪
A little getting used to ♪
Love me, love me, love me,
Love me, love me ♪
Love me, love me, love me, love me ♪
Love me, love me, love me more ♪
Than you possibly can ♪
It's not that complicated ♪
No matter what they say ♪
You'll never meet another me. ♪
- (SONG ENDS)
- (APPLAUSE)
MARJORIE: Congratulations to
this year's semifinalists.
Well done, solvers.
We'll see you all at the finals
next weekend.
(ELAINE CHUCKLING)
(ELAINE CHUCKLES)
(OLD-TIMEY JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)
(LIVELY CHATTER)
(LOCKS CLICK)
(TABLET CHIRPS)
(TABLET CHIMES)
WOMAN: Bailey? (WHISTLES)
- (CROW CAWING)
- (OWL HOOTING)
Bailey, where are you?
(WHISTLES) Bailey?
(WHISTLES)
(GASPS)
(SCREAMS)
(SIREN WAILS)
Morris Long?
The Met Tribune crossword editor?
Well, he was booked at
a rental cabin nearby.
Such a shame.
- I love the crossword puzzle.
- WAGNER: And this is a homicide?
Our ME said he died of asphyxiation,
which was a surprise.
At first, we thought it was
a heart attack or something.
We don't get many homicides
up in Stillford.
So, how can the NYPD help you?
Our victim was staying
at the New York Pendleton Hotel
last weekend.
It's there that I think he was murdered.
- Why is that?
- Well, for one,
our ME noted lividity all along
the backside of his body,
meaning he died face up,
but when we found him, he was face down.
So someone moved him.
WAGNER: But where did they
move him from, the cabin or the hotel?
And when does the ME think he died?
Between four and six days ago.
We know Morris was at the hotel
in the city six days ago.
After that, it becomes unclear.
He never officially checked out
but somehow checked into
the cabin Monday morning.
WAGNER: Any leads in Stillford, Deputy?
Uh, fingerprints in the car,
uh, witnesses?
Nothing. And the car was wiped clean.
All right. NYPD will take it from here.
We'll be in touch, Deputy.
Detective Edwards, this one's yours.
Yes. Thank you, Captain.
As a fan of the crossword,
it would be my honor.
Elsbeth, you can go, too.
Oh. Are you sure?
I'm sorry. What's wrong?
A crossword puzzle case seems
right in your wheelhouse.
The thing is, I don't do
the crossword anymore.
Uh, as you know,
I have a tendency to become
consumed by puzzles.
I already have
too many words and thoughts
rattling around in my head.
And did you know
they have a crossword archive?
One vacation, I spent the entire
week trying to beat my time,
and I didn't make it
to the Eiffel Tower,
so I broke up with the crossword.
Wordle is enough for me.
I'm sorry to throw you
back off the wagon,
uh, but you could be useful here.
And who knows where this case will lead?
You probably won't be around
crossword puzzles at all.
- I am sitting here doing ♪
- (PIANO PLAYING "CROSSWORD PUZZLE")
The Sunday Times crossword puzzle ♪
Somehow the words won't come ♪
I am staring at squares
but my eyes never focus ♪
And my mind's feeling strangely numb ♪
What's a five-letter word meaning ♪
Here's an example, 2-Down ♪
"A Peruvian poison dart" ♪
Why, when Hecky and me ♪
Used to breeze through
the puzzle, on Sundays ♪
The answer would leap in my heart. ♪
NARRATOR: Alec Bloom is not
who he pretends to be.
He had a comfortable
middle-class upbringing,
yet he plays poor for votes.
Don't fall for it.
He said he was homeless,
but Alec Bloom's family
lived in a building where units sell
- for over a million dollars.
- (CASH REGISTER DINGS)
Can you trust Alec Bloom
to deliver on his promises
if he can't even tell the truth
about himself?
No, you can't.
Paid for by the Coalition
of Concerned Voters of New
- (REMOTE CLICKS)
- (SIGHS)
I told you it was bad.
It definitely isn't good.
I looked into this
Coalition of Concerned Voters.
It's made up of a bunch of foundations,
one of which is run by Winnie Crawford.
Judge Crawford's widow
has been keeping busy.
I should've never had lunch with her.
I knew she couldn't be trusted.
And where did her people
get all this stuff, anyway?
Alec Bloom's opposition
has been tracking
the same contacts I did.
Only they managed to get
more people to talk.
You mean lie. None of this is true.
Politics is a dirty game.
You know that better than most.
I thought Chicago was bad.
Plus, Teddy is still
keeping his distance,
which means he's been avoiding Gonzo,
and that really hurts.
She stopped smiling in photos.
Teddy's probably
just feeling protective.
Not that you need protecting.
Teddy thinks I'm not very rational
when it comes to my love life.
Are you?
No. But can you blame me?
The eyes of the entire city
are on Alec Bloom,
and his eyes are on me.
And, oh, he can really wear a suit.
Oh, gosh, I'm so sorry. (LAUGHS)
I think I need more girlfriends
to talk to.
You do.
- EDWARDS: Elsbeth.
- Yes?
- You ready to go?
- Yes. (CHUCKLES)
EDWARDS: I read through
the entire autopsy report.
There were traces of
black-and-white nylon fibers
in Morris Long's nasal passages,
maybe from a scarf or pillow
of some kind.
Huh.
If Morris lived in New York,
why was he staying at the hotel?
You'll see.
- (ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
- (LIVELY CHATTER)
Only in New York.
(GASPS)
I thought I was obsessive.
Excuse me. NYPD.
Can you tell us where we could find
the people who run the tournament?
I can't believe it.
- Murdered?
- I'm sorry, ma'am.
When was the last time you saw Morris?
Last Saturday, during
the Division A starting rounds.
He went up to his room
at the lunch break,
and he never came down.
Morris texted me to say
he wasn't feeling well.
Did anyone else working the
tournament see or hear from him?
No. He messaged me Monday morning
to say he'd left town to recuperate.
I assumed it was serious
since he hasn't missed
a tournament in 27 years.
This whole time I thought he was sick,
and you're saying Morris was dead?
That's horrible.
But it's just so odd.
What do you mean?
Well, you said he was staying
at a rental cabin upstate,
but Morris has
his own cabin in the Poconos,
which is just as far from the city.
Mm.
Who here knows the tournament
and Morris Long best?
That's easy: the best solvers.
We all heard he was out sick.
Who would do such a thing?
Morris Long is a controversial figure.
He's beloved, of course,
but he received a ton of hate mail.
Morris had been hiring
younger constructors lately.
Constructors?
The people who create the puzzle.
- I thought Morris did that.
- No, Morris edited the puzzle.
He wielded a lot of power.
TRUDY: People would get furious with him
for allowing the use of slang,
the Internet lingo,
the younger musical references.
Did anyone complain to his face?
No one would dare.
Except maybe Simon.
He's won more times than anyone,
so I suppose Simon felt he had
carte blanche when it came to Morris.
ALBERT: Come to think of it,
Simon was carping about Morris
last weekend.
Something about Morris
asking Elaine out on a date.
I get the sense Simon is kind of
enamored with her. (CHUCKLES)
WALLACE: But who here doesn't have
a crush on Elaine?
Especially now that she's divorced.
- (PIANO NOTE PLAYS)
- (TUNING FORK RINGING)
(RINGING CONTINUES)
(PLAYING PIANO NOTES)
Hear that?
Now it's in tune.
I think so?
(LAUGHS)
(SIGHS): Wow.
So, how long have you been
a piano tuner?
- Oh. (SIGHS) 38 years.
- Wow.
I used to be a concert pianist.
I went to Juilliard.
But performing lost its appeal.
Everyone has an opinion.
Whereas pitch,
it's either right or it's wrong.
We heard you were upset about Morris
asking out another player named Elaine.
Someone said you had a crush on her.
Who told you that?
I thought she was married.
Divorced, actually.
So you told Morris
about your disappointment?
I mentioned it to him in between rounds.
May he rest in peace.
My disfavor with Morris
didn't have anything to do
with my friendship with Elaine.
It was a tournament issue.
I just didn't think he should be
singling out competitors.
Oh, I can understand that.
Did you take up your disfavor
with anyone else?
Ah, you all use such great words.
'Cause why say "disapproval"
when you could say "disfavor"
and make people stop and wonder
what you're talking about?
So, did you tell anyone else?
Someone like Marjorie,
the chairwoman of the newspaper?
No. I let it go.
Yeah, hold on.
Six seventy-five.
I always carry exact change.
- One of my best qualities.
- Oh.
- May I clear these for you?
- SIMON: No, no, no.
Don't touch those.
That's my study materials.
The finals are in two days.
Did I answer all your questions?
For now.
Oh. One more thing.
What did you think of the job
that Morris Long was doing as editor?
I always respected Morris. You know?
He was he was letting
the puzzle evolve,
which I know
a lot of people didn't like.
I always relish the opportunity
to try new things.
You know, pop culture,
linguistic trends.
The puzzle keeps me young.
(PIANO PLAYING LIVELY MUSIC)
(ELSBETH CHUCKLES)
Luckily, no one else
has stayed here since Morris.
(SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE)
What are you doing?
What do you think this is?
Broken plastic?
Yeah.
Could be nothing.
So what are you thinking, Detective?
I'm thinking I hope the next
guests don't use the bathtub.
- Why's that?
- Front desk got multiple calls
from this floor last weekend.
Apparently, the ice machine
kept running out of ice.
As in, somebody was trying
to keep a body cold?
Meaning the killer was waiting
to move the body.
Semifinals were last weekend.
So we're right to be looking
at someone from the tournament.
Mm-hmm.
But how did the killer move
the body down to Morris's car
without anybody noticing?
Trudy.
- Hi. (CHUCKLES)
- Hey.
- I love your bag.
- Oh.
Do you mind if I feel it?
Oh. Sure.
Thanks. (CHUCKLES)
Ah, that is such
a cute crossword pattern.
The tournament hands them out.
I'm sure if you ask,
they'd give you one.
- Oh. (CHUCKLES) Whoa.
- (BOTTLES CLANK)
Yeah, uh, after we heard
the news about Morris,
I need to drink away my sorrows.
(SMACKS LIPS)
I'm so sorry about your friend.
Ah, thanks.
I really shouldn't be drinking
before the finals,
but I don't think it matters.
Simon will probably win again this year.
I wish I knew his secret.
Simon says
Oh, that's funny.
"Simon says." (CHUCKLES)
He says that he loves
keeping up with pop culture,
that it keeps him relevant.
Simon said that? (LAUGHING): Please.
We all try to keep up with pop culture,
but none of us like it.
Simon least of all.
Years ago, the puzzle put in
a reference to Survivor.
This was before reality TV took off.
And Simon got so mad, he wrote
an angry letter to Morris.
He pestered him until
the paper printed an apology
and promised to never reference
that genre again.
Of course, that didn't last long,
but Simon made his point.
I think he takes a perverse
pleasure in complaining.
You don't say.
Well, I'll let you get back
to your sorrows.
- Oh. Thanks.
- Again, I'm so sorry about your friend.
Thank you.
- That feels so nice.
- (LAUGHS): Okay.
You know, it's slippery out there.
You should be salting it every morning.
I registered my concern
with the concierge,
but apparently no one got the message.
You know, if I slip, I may have to
What is she doing?
Thank you. (CRYING)
Excuse me.
Elizabeth or-or Alice Beth.
I-I forgot your name.
Elsbeth Tascioni. 15 letters.
Elsbeth.
You are upsetting Elaine
with all this police business.
She's not bothering me.
I'm upset because of
what happened to Morris.
He was such a brilliant man.
There was really no one else
quite like him.
Oh, come on.
Elaine, cheer up.
I mean, we-we all have to go sometime.
You don't have to cheer up.
It's a big loss.
It sounds like you really loved him.
Loved him? She barely knew the man.
Actually, I think I did love him.
It's just so tragic it took Morris dying
for me to realize it.
- (SMACKS LIPS) Aw.
- (CRYING)
(OLD-TIMEY JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)
Uh, you know, in times like this,
it's important to stay
connected to people.
You're right.
I should move up my flight
and head home to Boston tonight.
No, don't do that.
Stay and finish the tournament.
You're such a talented solver.
Y-You've worked so hard.
Really?
It's what Morris would have wanted.
I'll leave you two alone.
Good luck, Elaine.
Simon.
Ooh. (CHUCKLES)
What?
We have a love triangle:
Simon, Elaine
and the memory of Morris Long.
And do you see all those
black-and-white swag bags?
- They're made of nylon.
- Good catch.
I'll call CSU.
They can collect one to test
against the fibers
from Morris's autopsy.
I also got copies
of hotel security footage,
so maybe we'll get lucky there.
Simon told us that he didn't
complain to anyone else
about Morris dating a player.
But after speaking with Trudy,
I don't think Simon is the type
to let anything go.
- Oh, okay.
- Yeah.
All right.
Can't sleep?
Oh. (SIGHS)
Not a wink. I hope I didn't wake you.
Ah, no, it's okay. I can't sleep either.
You want to do the crossword with me?
(ALEC SIGHS HEAVILY)
- You're halfway there.
- Mm.
On all of them.
I don't like being constrained
by one box.
(CHUCKLES)
(SIGHS): Ah!
You're still thinking about
the campaign ad, aren't you?
I-I don't know why I'm surprised by it,
but to-to suggest that my family lived
in a million-dollar apartment
is ridiculous.
I mean, what it costs to buy now
versus what it rented for back then
is exactly what I talk about
in my campaign. (SIGHS)
It's too late to be this angry.
Alec, I have to tell you something.
One of the foundations
that produced that ad
is run by Winnie Crawford,
Judge Crawford's widow,
who I recently had lunch with.
You had lunch with her? Why?
Well, she seemed to want
to know the truth
about her late husband.
Instead, she asked about you.
What did you tell her?
Nothing.
What is there to tell?
You're so clean they had
to manufacture dirt on you.
She really doesn't like you, does she?
Well, the ideas I represent are a threat
to people like Winnie Crawford.
We play for very different teams.
I just wish she didn't target you.
You're so good and honest.
You don't belong in
the ugly world of politics.
I used to defend
the governor of Illinois.
Did I not mention that?
You truly are a remarkable woman.
Although you may have taken on too much
- for 3:00 in the morning.
- (LAUGHS)
Let's see. (CLEARS THROAT)
Seven letters. "Alien bestie."
Starts with an "E," ends with a "T."
Oh. (LAUGHS) E.T.
- The little boy.
- (CHUCKLES)
(IMITATING E.T.): "Elliott."
(NORMAL VOICE): Aw, I love that movie.
- I never saw E.T.
- (GASPS)
We didn't have a VCR. Don't tell anyone.
Really?
- Oh, we can watch it together.
- (CHUCKLES)
But just be warned:
the ending always makes me
cry hysterically.
Elsbeth, if I win this election
what'll that mean for us?
Well, I don't know.
I guess you'll have to win first.
(ELSBETH CHUCKLES)
(SIGHS): Okay.
"South Dakota."
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
To be clear,
nobody asked you to stay up
all night doing the crossword.
(SIGHS) All those empty squares
were taunting me.
(GROANS)
I looked through puzzles
for the last ten years,
and I found a pattern
in Morris Long's editing.
- Mm-hmm?
- (SLURPS)
The earlier puzzles are definitely
more intellectually challenging.
They include harder words.
And there are an awful lot
of references to Anaïs Nin.
And the newer puzzles lean into
pop culture and youthful expression.
I could have told you that.
Now, but it's still a fun way
to pass the time
while I drink my expensive coffee.
And then there's today's puzzle.
There's something off about it.
It feels old-fashioned.
Take 23-Across.
The clue is: "To behave
in a humble or servile way."
And the only thing that fits
is "cringe,"
which is one definition of the word.
Unless you're under 35.
Then it means something else.
According to my children,
it's "cringe" when Claudia and I
dance in the kitchen.
Exactly!
Although I disagree with your kids.
I think that sounds really sweet.
- Aw.
- So why
Wait.
When did Morris Long edit this puzzle?
MARJORIE: Morris sends us
the edited crossword
in two separate batches:
the weekday and the weekend puzzles.
He emailed us this weekend's puzzles
last Monday morning at 11:45 a.m.
Morris was dead Monday morning.
But I have his email right here.
We think someone else accessed
his email account.
Perhaps his text messages, too.
It's highly likely
that Morris was never sick.
Are you saying I was texting
with Morris's killer?
Oh, my God. I had no idea.
Ms. Lee, how hard is it
to edit the crossword puzzle?
It depends who's doing it.
They'd have to know the puzzle
and its language intimately.
Which many of the top solvers do.
Solvers always think they can do
Morris's job better than him,
but editing the crossword is
much harder than it looks.
Is there any way to get
an advance copy of tomorrow's puzzle?
What for?
It couldn't hurt to get
a few expert opinions.
The southwest corner was a mess.
You can't cross the name
of a town I never heard of
with the name of an obscure
18th-century publishing house.
Okay, see, I like this word: "laity."
But the clue was too vague.
"The ordinary people"?
I thought he was referencing
the film, but nothing fit.
Are you sure Morris edited this?
No.
I'm sure of it now, this wasn't
edited by Morris Long.
I thought it was okay.
Better than usual, actually.
I notice your lanyard is broken.
Your string is tied, and
the others have a plastic clip.
What happened?
I I don't know. (CHUCKLES)
Cheap plastic things, they break.
Are we done here?
Because I really would like
to study for the finals.
Sure. You're free to go.
Thanks.
Thank you. That was fun.
Oh. You dropped your key card.
You know, you shouldn't leave
the envelope on.
Someone could find it
and get your room number
That's Morris's room.
Why do you have his room key?
I knew it!
You were sleeping with Morris.
Please don't tell my husband.
Morris and Trudy were
having assignations?
And he still had the gall
to ask you out?
I guess you could never trust
a sleaze like Morris Long.
How long had you and Morris
been seeing each other?
Once a year for the past four years.
We had no contact
outside of the tournament.
Well, one time he wrote me a letter,
but that was in response to my letter.
I took issue with a clue
for "damson plum" because
traditionally damson
Maybe just focus on
this year's tournament.
When did you and Morris meet up?
Just the one time.
At the kickoff party,
uh, last Friday night,
Morris slipped me his room key
and told me to come by at 11:00.
But I swear, that was
the only time I was in his room.
Why should we believe you?
Because Morris never allowed
any romantic contact
on Division A puzzle days.
What about your husband?
Tom? He doesn't do the crossword.
- He's dyslexic.
- Uh, I mean, was he jealous?
Maybe he came to confront Morris
and things got violent.
(LAUGHS): Oh, that's impossible.
Tom didn't have a clue.
(LAUGHS) Good one.
Sorry.
I thought that was intentional.
Where is your husband now?
He won't get here until Sunday.
Tom drives me here and back
from Delaware every year.
I don't drive, so
Y-You don't drive? Like, ever?
I never got my license.
Okay, Trudy. That's all for now.
I can go? Oh, thank you.
I'm so behind in my studying.
I'm so curious.
How does one study
for the crossword tournament?
Most of us review old puzzles.
Right. I noticed Simon had
a stack of those at the bar.
Oh, he has more than
a stack of them. (CHUCKLES)
Simon always overdoing it.
He brings an entire trunk full of them.
He does? What kind of trunk?
I know it's around here somewhere.
There he is.
This guy.
He left the hotel at 4:30 a.m.
Monday morning with a trunk.
That's Simon, all right,
with a very big trunk.
Big enough for a body.
Now how do we prove it?
There you are.
(ELSBETH CHUCKLES)
Wow, it's humid in here. (CHUCKLES)
It's getting noisy down there.
People keep singing off pitch.
Can you tell us where you went
Monday morning at dawn?
We saw you on hotel security footage
rolling a giant trunk.
That's my packing trunk.
I took it home with me uptown.
I needed a decent shower.
The hot water in this hotel is a joke.
Can you prove you went home?
Sure. (SMACKS LIPS)
I have a taxi receipt here somewhere.
ELSBETH: If you were just
going home to shower,
why did you bring your trunk?
Because I stayed there all day to study.
Trunk is where I keep my puzzles.
You should really consider
consolidating all of this paper
onto a tablet or something.
It's much more convenient
to do the puzzle online.
No, that's not how
you're supposed to do the
Never mind. You do the puzzle your way,
and I will keep doing it my way.
Ooh! I would love to learn your way!
I just got back into
the crossword temporarily.
This one's from two weeks ago.
I found it in my recycling bin.
What's the problem?
Oh. Well, I keep getting stuck
here in the corner.
17-Across.
The clue is "unrealistic,"
but I keep coming up short.
When you have a problem,
you have to work around it.
- May I?
- Mm-hmm.
"Everyday font."
- "Arial."
- (SIGHS)
That crosses with "atrium."
- Oh.
- Right, and you have
"data bank."
Now you have more letters
to tackle your problem word.
- Uh-huh.
- And there.
Wow. That was so cool.
I'm not familiar with this word, though.
"Delulu." What Is that Italian?
No, it's slang.
It means delusional.
(GASPS) Oh.
Like when someone thinks
they have a chance with a person
who's way out of their league?
Sure. That's one way to use it.
You must really have to keep
your finger on the pulse
to be so good at the crosswords.
Well, I'll let you get back to studying.
It's nice talking with you.
(PHONE VIBRATES)
(GASPS) Ah.
What are you so happy about?
(GASPS) My son is finally
coming over for dinner.
He's been avoiding me,
so I had to coax him
with my famous lasagna.
Well, I hope you weren't
planning on dinner tonight.
Simon Carroll lied to us.
(SIGHS) I'm sure he did.
About what specifically?
Officer Paulson tracked down
the cab driver from Simon's receipt.
He doesn't remember any passengers
with a big trunk Monday morning.
And anyway,
the driver had his golf clubs
in the back of his cab all last week,
so he wouldn't have been able
to fit the trunk.
So, Simon put Morris's body
in his trunk,
and then he took the elevator down
(CLICKING EXHALES)
six floors, loaded it into Morris's car,
and then, without the trunk,
Simon took a cab 30 blocks up
(CLICKING TONGUE)
and across to his own apartment,
got a receipt,
and then he snuck back down
(CLICKING EXHALES)
to the hotel to drive Morris's body
(POPPING EXHALES)
out to the cabin. (CLICKS TONGUE)
(SIGHS)
That is quite the puzzle.
I think we need to see that trunk.
See? Filled with puzzles,
just like I said.
Smells like brand-new leather.
How long have you had this?
It's hard to say.
What's this?
SIMON: Just normal wear and tear.
Is it?
Or were you trying to age
a brand-new trunk by
scuffing it up with a tuning fork?
That's a wild accusation.
Oh, I think it makes perfect sense.
If, for some reason,
you got rid of your old trunk
and needed to replace it.
You have a fanciful imagination
for a gumshoe, don't you?
Do you really think
that I would kill someone
who I consider a friend, someone
who I've known for decades,
and I drag his body
out to the middle of nowhere?
And then what,
I-I hitchhike back to the city?
There's a train, actually.
I wouldn't waste
an entire day of studying
on such a macabre
and grotesque expedition.
I would never hurt Morris Long,
because of who he is.
He's the man behind the one thing
that has consistently
brought joy into my life.
Since the age of nine, I have been doing
the Met Tribune crossword puzzle
every single day, without fail,
in the newspaper, the way God intended.
So, if you have nothing else to ask,
please, would (CHUCKLES)
would you leave me alone
and let me study in peace?
I'm thinking of a six-letter
word for "he did it."
Mm.
What if we can find Simon's old trunk?
I bet it's up in Stillford,
somewhere near the cabin.
If we can prove that he was up there,
we can prove he killed Morris Long.
Sure, but I don't have time
to go upstate. I have other cases.
Simon wasn't even the first
suspect to yell at me today.
I'll call Deputy Bernard.
Leave it to us, we will find that trunk.
- ELSBETH: Well, that was a bust.
- We checked every garbage dumpster
between the cabin and the train station.
Not my favorite way
to spend an afternoon,
but you do have a lovely town.
I'm just so stumped.
Where did Simon put that trunk?
Best guess? It's at the bottom
of the Hudson River.
- (GROANS)
- But it was a noble effort.
Are you sure
you don't want me to drive you
to a station closer to the city?
Oh, no. That's okay. I love the train.
I can catch up on my reading.
- Is there a newsstand here?
- Oh, sorry, not at this station.
All we have is that old newspaper box.
Oh, that'll do.
(GROANS): Ah!
These old newspaper boxes
are so frustrating
if you don't have exact change.
Hold on.
I got it.
RADIO HOST: Somehow, people are
pushing through
after the devastating loss
of Morris Long.
The only thing that seems
to lift anyone's spirits
is the excitement of watching
Division A finalists
solve their final puzzle onstage.
And now is a good time
to remind listeners
that we're still looking for donations
during our matching grant.
(SIGHS)
Please.
We beg you.
I can't keep playing this game with you.
The final puzzle is about to start.
Oh, we're sorry, but I think
you'll want to hear this puzzle.
We solved every clue!
We know you had "words" with Morris
in his hotel room last weekend,
most likely about Elaine, since
the two of you had eyes for her.
MARJORIE: Calling Simon Carroll
to the main stage.
Simon?
Finals start in one minute.
Fine, yes, I have a crush on Elaine.
That's not a motive for murder.
Well, that argument got pretty heated,
which is how you broke
the clasp on your lanyard.
We found a piece of it in Morris's room.
ELSBETH: And then you
suffocated him
with a swag bag like this one!
(MUFFLED GROANING)
Using any kind of bag
to kill someone is just wrong!
But you had a problem:
You couldn't miss the tournament.
So you left Morris's body on ice
while you kept playing.
MARJORIE: All right, we have to move on
to the fourth highest score:
Elaine McClusk.
Come on up here, Elaine.
What? (GASPS)
Okay, solvers, start
your puzzles in three, two, one.
ELSBETH: You were smart, though.
Taking a taxi home was
a clever way to explain
why you and the trunk
weren't in the hotel on Monday.
But we know you didn't take
the trunk home.
You brought it and Morris's body
to the cabin that you rented
using Morris's email.
EDWARDS: Where you left his body
in the woods.
Had he not been found so soon,
you might have gotten away with it.
ELSBETH: But you didn't. Why?
Because you are a creature of habit.
And what is the one thing that you do
every day, without fail?
The Met Tribune crossword puzzle!
Just like the one that
you bought at the train station
on your way back
from dumping Morris's body.
EDWARDS: We found your fingerprints
on the quarters in the newspaper box.
ELSBETH: Lucky for us,
you always carry exact change.
EDWARDS: Simon Carroll,
you're under arrest
for the murder of Morris Long.
- (HANDCUFFS CLICKING)
- (CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)
Thank you.
(DOOR OPENS)
Simon.
SIMON: You won?
That's as it should be.
What's going on?
I didn't mean for any of this to happen.
ELSBETH: I'm afraid Simon
killed Morris.
(BREATH TREMBLES)
Is this true?
I did it because
I'm in love with you, Elaine.
Who asked you to do that?
Not exactly how I imagined my first win.
Oh, I hope it doesn't spoil it.
You earned that trophy.
(SIGHS)
Thanks.
My kids will be so happy.
They helped me study.
They're both in high school,
so they keep me in the loop
on new expressions.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
I really loved how Morris put in
all those younger references.
Lately, the best part
of doing the crossword
has been getting to do it with my kids.
I do love The Goonies.
And, yes, I had the vintage lunch box.
But if we're talking
best films of the '80s
Otherwise known as the late 1900s.
(LAUGHS): Please stop calling it that.
Then it has to be E.T., hands down.
Oh, I love that movie so much,
but the end always makes me cry.
Perfectly acceptable reaction.
Pass the lasagna, please.
(SIGHS) My sweet Teddy.
I missed you.
Let's not fight ever again.
(ALEC AND ROY LAUGHING IN OTHER ROOM)
Mom, I need to say something.
I'm sorry I can't see
what you see in Alec.
M-Maybe it's my new job,
or maybe I'm just a cynic
and one seed of doubt is one too many,
but all that matters to me
is that you're happy.
He seems pretty nice,
and he makes a real effort,
so if you like Alec,
um, I'll keep trying.
No.
Don't ever doubt your intuition.
I think Alec is a liar.