Gilligan's Island (1964) s03e14 Episode Script

1
Just sit right back,
and you'll hear a tale ♪
a tale of a fateful trip ♪
that started from this tropic port ♪
aboard this tiny ship ♪
the mate was a mighty sailin' man ♪
the skipper brave and sure ♪
5 passengers set sail that day
for a 3-hour tour ♪
a 3-hour tour ♪
[thunder]
The weather started getting rough ♪
the tiny ship was tossed ♪
if not for the courage
of the fearless crew ♪
the minnow would be lost,
the minnow would be lost ♪
the ship's aground
on the shore of this ♪
uncharted desert isle ♪
with gilligan ♪
the skipper, too ♪
the millionaire and his wife ♪
the movie star ♪
the professor and Mary Ann ♪
here on gilligan's isle ♪
And wait till you see all the
pretty sea shells I found for you.
Is there enough
to make a necklace from?
Oh, yeah, sure! There's enough
to make at least 3 necklaces,
even if you had 3 necks.
Gilligan, look!
Oh, yeah, that is a pretty sea shell.
Don't you see it?!
Sure, I see that shell
right next to the boat.
A boat! It's a boat!
It's a boat, it's a boat!
We gotta gotta tell the
skipper! We gotta tell professor!
It's a boat, it's a boat, it's a boat!
There's no radio, skipper.
Now, why would a search
party be without a radio?
They wouldn't be. Besides,
they can see our huts from here.
Certainly, a rescue party
wouldn't leave a boat like this.
Skipper? Professor?
Come here! Quick!
I hate to say this, but I
think our rescue party's
been dragged off by a terrible beast.
What are you talking about?
These crazy footprints, you see?
I think a strange creature
landed here. See?
It has a big, fat claw on the back of
its paw. I think it was a sea monster.
Gilligan, those prints
weren't made by an animal.
Those are the footprints of a woman.
A woman with a fat claw
on the back of its paw?
That's the print of a woman's shoe.
You see? A woman! A woman!
Well, what are we standing
here for? Let's go find her.
Whoever our mystery guest is,
I'm sure she has the key to the boat.
Aye, aye, skipper.
There's just one thing, though.
What's that? Well, if we find her,
we don't know what she looks like,
so how do we know it's her?
Well, gilligan, let's put it this way,
whoever the strange lady is,
she's the one with the single shoe.
Oh, yeah. She'll be hopping, huh?
Come on, let's find her!
[Leaves rustling]
Well, whoever she is, lovey,
she must be very brave.
I mean, crossing the ocean all alone.
Thurston, what makes you
so sure that she's all alone?
Well, there's only one set of footprints.
Unless she's alone, she must
be carrying someone piggyback.
Oh, darling, how terribly clever of you.
You're a regular James gilt-edge bond.
Why do you suppose, thurston,
a girl all alone would
come to a deserted island?
Well, there are many reasons.
Perhaps she skipped the country
to avoid paying income taxes.
Oh, I like her already!
Look, gilligan, I think if we split up,
we can cover more ground that way.
Now, you go that way,
and I will go this way.
Okay, skipper.
Aah!
Hey, lady, lady! Skipper, it's a lady!
The lady, skipper! The lady, skipper!
I'm coming! I'm coming!
The lady, skipper! Oh, let me go.
Now, wait a minute, little
lady. Wait just a minute.
I don't know why
you're not glad to see us,
but we're sure glad to see you.
We've been shipwrecked
here a long time.
Yeah, we sure have.
We've been here for days
and months and years and thousands
never mind, gilligan.
Now, I think we can all fit into your boat.
Oh, you can have it.
We can have the boat?
Did you hear that, gilligan?
We can have the boat!
Yeah, we're saved, we're saved!
We're rescued!
Oh, boy, Hawaii, here we come!
[Crying]
Please, now,
miss we don't even
know what your name is.
My name is Eva grubb.
Well, it's not too great a name,
but you always can change it.
[Crying]
What's wrong? Won't you tell us?
Why are you trying to run away?
Because I never want to see
another human being again
as long as I live,
and particularly not a man!
But why?
[Sobs]
Oh, come on. Please,
we're just trying to help you.
Oh, men don't even know I exist.
All through school, not
a boy ever looked at me.
Finally, 10 days ago, I
I had my very first date
A blind date.
And only 10 minutes after he met me,
he suddenly developed a headache
and he had to go home.
Well, maybe that's
where he kept his aspirin.
[Sobbing]
Eva, please don't cry.
I saved all my money to buy that boat.
I wanted to find a deserted island
where I could be alone!
I guess I picked the wrong one!
Well, we'd be happy to
desert this island for you.
You mean you'll really
leave me here alone?
Oh, now, you don't mean that.
You're just a little upset now.
When we get back to
civilization, everything will
never. I'm never going
back to civilization.
Here's the key to the boat.
If you promise to leave me here alone,
you can have it.
And then she gave me the key
and said we could have the boat.
We have a boat?
And we can leave? Here?
Whenever we want?
Whenever we want.
Oh!
Oh, everyone, uh,
please, pay attention now.
Eva grubb, this is Mary Ann,
Mr. and Mrs. Howell,
the professor, and ginger.
Hello, Eva.
Grubb, uh
Are you related to
the south Hampton grubbs?
No, I'm afraid not.
Well, they had a
daughter who was engaged
to the wellingford heir. I thought maybe
I've never been engaged to anyone,
and I never will be.
Now, I gave you the key to the boat.
The least you could do
is not to mention men!
Lovey, I do wish you would
be more careful what you say,
whatever it is.
I wouldn't have said what I said
if I'd known what I was saying
Or something like that.
Poor girl. We never got a chance
to tell her how happy she's made us.
You know, in her emotional state,
we really shouldn't let her stay here.
Well, as soon as we reach port,
we'll send a boat back for her.
Oh, that's a capital idea. Just
capital. I love that word capital.
We got to send a boat back for her,
because, you know, she's very lonely
now, wait a minute. We better not
mention a word about that to Eva.
Why not? Well, she's so upset,
there's no telling what she might do.
Now, remember, not a word to
Eva about sending a boat back.
Hi, Eva. Hello, gilligan.
Getting ready to leave?
Yeah. The skipper says we're
gonna shove off in a couple of hours.
He wants to know if you
want some of our provisions,
like this shredded coconut.
No, thanks. I can manage.
I guess so. It's only gonna be 2 weeks.
2 weeks? Uh-huh.
That's how long the skipper
figures it'll take
to send a boat back for you.
Oh, boy. This shredded coconut is good.
You sure you don't want some?
[Engine cranking]
Hey, professor. The
engine isn't turning over.
Well, let's see.
No wonder. The spark plugs are gone.
The spark plugs are gone?
Well, who'd take the spark plugs?
Well, the only person who could
possibly have a reason would be Eva.
Well, but why would she take them?
Unless somebody
told her about our plans,
but who'd be stupid enough to do that?
I'll see you guys around.
Gilligan, what do you know about this?
Who, me? I don't know anything about it.
I'll see you guys later.
What happened to those spark plugs?
I took them
And I hid them where
they won't be found.
But why?
Because gilligan told me about
your plan to send a boat back.
So we're all going to
stay shipwrecked together.
Gilligan, you, you!
Skipper, don't say it.
Not in front of children.
What children?
Me. I'm just a loud-mouthed
kid. I'll see you later.
So you might just as
well forget the packing,
'cause we're not going anyplace.
Oh, nonsense.
I'm sure we can persuade Eva
to change her mind.
Not a chance, Mrs. Howell.
We tried every argument
you can think of.
Uh, keep packing, my dear.
I will talk to Eva.
Mr. Howell, we've already spoken to her.
I know, but you use words.
You see, I use numbers
with lots and lots of zeroes.
Are you suggesting that
money can make her happy?
It's kept me smiling for years.
Well, I'm sorry, folks, but
money can't buy happiness.
Anyone who says
money can't buy happiness
doesn't know where to shop.
Might as well try, professor.
What can we lose?
You see, Mrs. Howell and I
will invite Eva to tea.
And with my diplomacy and tact,
she'll never, ever know that it's a bribe.
How dare you try to bribe me!
Alright. Now, let's look
at this thing logically.
Eva has feelings of
rejection and undesirability.
Therefore, she insists upon isolation.
Not only that, she wants
to be left alone, too.
Somehow, we've got to make Eva feel
well, she wants to be
anxious to get home.
Oh, why would she want to go home?
It's gonna be the same
as before she left.
No dates, no boyfriends.
No wonder. She's so plain,
and she doesn't do anything
to make herself more attractive.
Hey, that's it.
Why don't we make Eva beautiful?
Then then she'll wanna go home.
I don't get it. Why do you
wanna make her beautiful?
Well, gilligan, what would
you do if you looked like Eva?
I could write the draft
board and get reclassified.
Gilligan.
You'd stay home in your
lonely room and you'd cry.
I would?
Professor: The girls are right.
You don't feel worthy of being loved.
I don't?
Well, how could you when
you think you're unattractive?
When you think you're awkward.
And unwanted.
And plain.
You're right. You're right.
A-A-And I talk too much, too.
We're gonna change all that.
Goodbye, ugly duckling.
Hello, beautiful swan.
Well, where are you going?
To start to work on Eva, of course.
Well, what about me?
Let's see now.
The first thing I want to do
is take the pins out
and let your hair down.
Alright, but it won't do any good.
Ginger, you know what?
Her measurements
are the same as yours.
Mary Ann, it's not the
measurements that count.
It's the way they're arranged.
Here it is
a shampoo the professor
made with some henna plants.
Um, do you need those glasses?
Well, only to see.
Well, try to fake it.
How's that?
Well, I can see you pretty clearly
Or are you Mrs. Howell?
That's alright, honey.
We're going to make you so beautiful,
you'll have dozens of
men to lead you around.
Golly.
Look at that.
It's amazing!
It's uncanny.
It's me.
I can't believe it.
You look just like me.
You two are exactly alike.
It's remarkable. You
could be twin brothers.
Hi. I thought I'd stop by
and check on that
henna shampoo that I
good heavens! 2 gingers.
You're all kidding me.
Eva, you're beautiful.
I can't be.
Oh, you are, my dear.
You're lovely, you're magnificent.
Or as the French would say
Now, let me see, what would they say?
I don't speak French.
It's really true.
Eva, you're as beautiful as I am.
You're gorgeous.
That's impossible, ginger.
Well, come here and look in the mirror.
This may be just the thing to
make Eva want to go home.
I couldn't look like you, ginger.
You're the most beautiful
girl I've ever seen.
Well? What do you see?
I'm the most beautiful girl I've ever seen.
I can't believe it, ginger.
Do I really look as
much like you as I think?
Eva, men will find you irresistible.
Ginger, don't be ridiculous.
Well, they will.
Come on, I'll prove it to you.
Hello, gilligan. Oh, hi, ginger.
Oh, hi, Eva. Hey, you two sure look alike.
May I sit down?
Sure.
It certainly is cozy, isn't it?
Yeah. You sure do look like ginger.
But I'm not ginger, I'm me.
Do you know what I want?
You want a grape?
No.
I want you to like me.
I like you.
I want you to like me a lot.
I like you a lot.
Gilligan, what I mean to say is,
i-i-I'm a girl, you're a boy.
I knew that the first time we met.
Gilligan
I think we could make
beautiful music together.
So do I.
You wait here, and I'll get my harmonica.
No, I mean us.
No, no.
Hey, everybody. You should see Eva.
Wow, what a change in her.
Oh, yeah?
She really turned it on, huh?
All I can say is I couldn't turn her off.
Where is she now?
She left me sitting there
and walked into the jungle,
and you should see the way she walks.
Well, I certainly hope
she's ready to go home,
because it's impossible
to convert these seashells
into spark plugs.
You don't have to, professor.
Here are the spark plugs.
I suddenly realized I
can't wait to go home.
Wonderful!
We're gonna have to take a lot
of provisions on that boat.
Oh, I can hardly believe it.
We're going home.
Say, ginger.
Do you think Eva's life
will really be changed
once she gets home?
Oh, I don't know.
I guess not.
I mean,
as ginger Grant, she's got poise
and confidence and sex appeal.
But, uh, when she gets home,
I'm afraid she may be Eva grubb again.
I mean, there's only one ginger Grant.
True.
Mrs. Howell
Oh, ginger, Mr. Howell
and I have decided
to give a "last night on the island" party.
You will tell Eva, won't you?
I am Eva.
Good heavens.
It's impossible to tell you two apart
like 2 peas in a bikini, as it were.
If you ever showed up in Hollywood,
no one would ever know
you weren't ginger Grant.
Well, I must toddle along.
See you tonight.
No one would ever know
I wasn't ginger Grant.
Why did you want me to come out here?
Well, I wanted to talk to you in private.
Ginger, I can't find the words
to tell you how grateful I am
for what you've done, so
I thought I'd show you.
[Thunk]
If I can pass as ginger
at the party tonight,
I can fool anyone anywhere.
[Muffled] You'll never get away with it.
Sure, I will.
Eva will disappear,
leaving a note that she's going
to the other side of the island to live.
And I'll sail away with the others.
Bye, Eva.
Sorry you can't come to the party tonight.
I'll explain that you're all tied up.
Hi, everyone. Sorry I'm late.
Eva and I were having a little chat.
She's getting dressed.
Oh, sit down, dear. You're just on time.
Mr. Howell has a little surprise.
Yes. I've been saving this bottle of bubbly
for a very special
occasion, and this is it
in honor of our benefactor Eva grubb.
By the way, where is she?
I'll go find her.
Oh, no, no. No, gilligan.
Uh I have to fix my makeup anyway.
Unh! Sorry, Mary Ann.
[Soft dance music playing]
[Music playing]
There she is now, thurston.
Oh, just in time, my dear.
[Pop]
Ooh, I love that sound. Popsy!
I'd hate to have ginger
miss this. I'll go get her.
Oh, no, no, no. I'll get her for you.
You just stay here an enjoy yourself.
Strange.
Hi.
Hi, ginger.
Here. Mr. Howell poured this just for you.
Oh, thanks.
How clumsy of me.
Ginger, where's Eva?
Mr. Howell and I have
a little present for her.
We want to show our
gratitude to the dear girl.
I'll go find her.
Oh, no, no, Mrs. Howell.
I'll get her for you.
I saw her just a minute ago.
Ginger said you were looking for me.
Yes. We'd like you to have this
as an expression of our gratitude.
Oh!
Oh, that's the most beautiful
necklace I've ever seen.
Well, it's part of the jewelry
that queen Isabella gave
to Christopher Columbus.
Thurston ho well I got it when
he foreclosed the mortgage
on the Nina, thepinta,
and the Santa Maria.
Where's ginger? She
promised me a dance.
Oh!
Gilligan: I'll go find her.
Oh, no, no, gilligan. I'll hurry her up.
I think I know where she is.
I say.
Hi.
Hi, ginger. A dance?
Oh, sure.
[Crack]
I knew I was clumsy,
but I never broke anybody before.
Are you alright?
Sure, I am.
Oh, ginger, that's great.
Just hold it right there,
and I'll put another record on.
And then it'll be our turn.
Shall we?
Come on, here we go.
[Perky music plays]
Well, I've been rejected before,
but never for another girl.
This has been charming,
but don't you think we
might change partners now?
I'm sorry.
It's very warm in here.
Oh!
Ginger!
Mrs. Howell: Are you alright?
A little of the bubbly, my dear.
That'll straighten you out. Oh!
Oh!
How clumsy of me. I'd better change.
I'll say!
And the sooner, the better.
Look, it's Eva.
No, gilligan. It's ginger.
Ah, I knew there was something peculiar.
Ginger, what happened?
Our little cinderella
conked me on the head.
She tied me up and
was going to leave me here
while she went back
and resumed my career.
Oh, I'm
I'm so ashamed.
I guess it was the excitement
of being beautiful for the first time.
You can't imagine what it's like.
I guess I went a little crazy.
Can you ever forgive me?
Can I make it up to you?
Yes, I guess so.
How? What can I do?
Keep your glasses on
and let your hair go dark.
By George.
I'll drink to that.
Have any of you seen Eva?
When we woke up, she was gone.
The boat! The boat!
The boat's gone.
Hey, look, there's a note.
And it says, "dear soakers"
let me see that.
Dear soakers.
"Dear suckers
"My repentant act last night
was really convincing.
"I convinced you
"and it convinced me, too
that I'm a good actress.
"I'm going back alone to
resume my fabulous career.
"Lots of luck, castaways.
The new ginger Grant."
She couldn't have. She wouldn't have.
She did.
Oh!
[Crying]
Come on, ginger. Let's go
back and have some breakfast.
Come on, ginger. What
you need is some grub.
Ohh! [Crying]
What'd I say? What'd I say?
Gilligan, you said "grubb," like in Eva.
Don't you ever mention
that girl's name again.
I
[Crying]
I would never say gilligan!
They're here for a long, long time ♪
they'll have to make the best of things ♪
it's an uphill climb ♪
the first mate and his skipper, too ♪
will do their very best ♪
to make the others comfortable ♪
in their tropic island nest ♪
no phone, no light ♪
no motorcars, not a single luxury ♪
like Robinson crusoe ♪
it's primitive as can be ♪
so join us here each week, my friends ♪
you're sure to get a smile ♪
from 7 stranded castaways
here on gilligan's isle ♪