Gilligan's Island (1964) s03e16 Episode Script

1
Just sit right back,
and you'll hear a tale ♪
a tale of a fateful trip ♪
that started from this tropic port ♪
aboard this tiny ship ♪
the mate was a mighty sailin' man ♪
the skipper brave and sure ♪
5 passengers set sail that day
for a 3-hour tour ♪
a 3-hour tour ♪
[thunder]
The weather started getting rough ♪
the tiny ship was tossed ♪
if not for the courage
of the fearless crew ♪
the minnow would be lost,
the minnow would be lost ♪
the ships set ground
on the shore of this ♪
uncharted desert isle ♪
with gilligan ♪
the skipper, too ♪
the millionaire and his wife ♪
the movie star ♪
the professor and Mary Ann ♪
here on gilligan's isle ♪
Skipper: I got another
one! I got another one!
Hey, skipper, you catch one more,
you'll have enough for
a whole can of sardines.
Very funny. Gimme that fish.
I suppose you're gonna
stay up here on the beach
while I do all the work.
No, skipper, I'm listening to a
very important radio program.
It's called take a dare, and they're
talking about a guy on a deserted island.
Oh, there's nothing I'd rather hear more.
Me, either. You hear that?
Ooh, hear that, skipper?
Gilligan, I can't hear anything!
Short-wave: If our contestant
can survive for one full week,
take a dare will pay him $10,000.
Wow!
Announcer: Now, he must exist
with nothing but the clothes on his back,
and without help from anyone.
Could you take that dare?
Think of it: $10,000.
I'm thinking of it. It's making me sick.
Why, because this
fella's gonna get $10,000?
Yeah, and I'm doing it for nothing.
Announcer: The man
who accepted our dare,
Mr. George barkley, has already
been dropped at a deserted island.
During the week, we will be in touch
with Mr. Barkley periodically by short-wave.
Now, remember: He must
receive absolutely no help.
He must be entirely alone,
or he forfeits the prize.
Good luck, George barkley,
wherever you are.
Well, never mind this program, gilligan.
We've gotta bring back dinner.
Hey, skipper, that's not
enough fish for 7 people.
I know, gilligan, you're so right.
We'd better pick up some bananas, huh?
Ok. Ok.
Oh, gilligan!
Move! Let's get some bananas!
Alright, gilligan, give me your bananas
and pick up the pails of fish.
Ok, skipper.
And hurry it up. These
things are getting heavy!
Hey, skipper?
What is it now?
Have you got the fish?
Will you cut that out? Of
course I haven't got the fish!
Well, they're gone.
How could the fish be gone?
Fish don't fly away!
Flying fish do.
I once saw a flying fish,
and he was soaring, sweeping, gliding.
He was just
gilligan, we didn't catch flying fish.
Hey, that's right.
Well, I'm glad you think
I'm right about something.
Maybe the professor
or someone saw them,
and took 'em back to camp
while we were picking bananas.
Hey, maybe you're right.
I'm glad you think I'm
right about something.
Will you cut that out?
Now, let's get back to camp!
Gilligan? Yeah?
Is there anything that you can
do to make my job a little easier?
Sure, skipper. I'll play
some marching music.
[Marching music plays]
[Muttering] Thanks a lot!
Boy, can these ba bananas get heavy!
Maybe we should have peeled them first.
Yes, well oh, gilligan!
Naw, they'd be too slippery.
Will you forget the bananas,
and see if the girls brought
the fish up from the lagoon?
Yeah.
[Exhausted sigh]
Hello, skipper.
Hello, professor.
Got problems?
Problems? No. I haven't
got any problems.
Just, I did some fishing
down at the lagoon,
and I had 2 pails of fish,
and somebody brought 'em up here.
Maybe it was you. Did you bring 'em up?
No, it wasn't I. Did you ask the howells?
No, but I'll go over
and ask them right now.
Perhaps it was gilligan.
You know, maybe you're right.
Could have been gilligan.
Because, you know,
he does things that
wait a minute, professor,
how could it be gilligan?
He was with me.
And when we came
back with the bananas,
the fish weren't there.
Well, maybe a big wave
washed the pails of fish away.
No, I heard the weather
forecast on the radio
right after the take a dare program.
Take a dare program?
Oh, that's my favorite program.
What was the stunt this week?
They put a man on a
deserted island all alone.
I know! A monkey!
No, a real man.
No, I mean maybe a monkey
carried the pails of fish away.
What did the contestant win?
$10,000 if he can stay there a week.
Maybe it was a seal.
No, seals don't like money, they like fish.
Oh, tell us about the man.
Well, if he gets any
help, he loses the pails.
Gilligan, I think you're a little confused.
No, I'm not.
If the man can stay on
the deserted fish for a week,
he gets 10,000 pails.
Deserted fish?
10,000 pails?
That doesn't sound quite right, does it?
Now, why don't you start all over,
and tell us about the fish.
And tell us about the radio program.
They dropped him on an island,
when we went for the bananas,
he gets $10,000,
we don't know who did it.
And if he gets any help, he loses.
I think.
Pick up 2 pails of fish? A ho well?
Eesh!
Well, somebody took 'em.
Perhaps a pail of diamonds.
Perhaps a pail of goldfish?
Ha, gold! Lovey, you made a witty one.
Thank you, darling.
Well, it's a mystery to me.
Captain, I just adore mysteries.
Now, give me the facts, won't you?
Well, sure, Mrs. Howell.
Thurston, isn't it exciting?
It reminds me of the time our
townhouse was burglarized.
Now you see, gilligan and I
were fishing down at the lagoon.
Captain, we know it wasn't you.
The burglar was a much smaller man.
Mrs. Howell, please. If you'll
just let me finish one sentence
captain, you're absolutely right.
Lovey, stay on topic.
Now, when we got
back with the bananas,
we noticed that both
pails of fish were missing.
Did you happen to notice
a tall, dark stranger
with a slouched hat and a black cape
loitering in the corridor?
What corridor?
Captain, if you're
gonna withhold evidence,
how do you expect me
to solve your crime?
Lovey, let the captain
finish his dreary story.
Well, I thank you both very much,
but just forget the whole thing.
Never mind! Ha ha ha!
Thank you.
I do hope this book has a happy ending.
What book?
The case of the disappearing fish.
Or whatever it's called.
Announcer: It's good to know that
your transmitter is working, Mr. Barkley.
Barkley: It's working fine, thank you.
Announcer: And now the
question on everyone's mind:
What are you doing for food?
I bet he's living on fish and
coconuts, like we're doing.
Barkley: I'm living on fish and coconuts.
See? What'd I tell you?
You heard the program before.
Announcer: Mr. Barkley, you have
no fishing equipment or tools, correct?
Barkley: That's right.
Then how do you catch fish
and open coconuts?
I use my bare hands.
Wow! He must be a powerful man!
And strong, too.
Come on, gilligan,
let's go out and round up
some stuff for dinner.
Gee, I'd sure like to help that guy.
Gilligan, don't you understand
what the program's all about?
If someone helps him,
he doesn't get the $10,000.
Ok, then I won't help him.
Good boy.
Even if I knew where he was.
Even if I knew where I was.
Even if I knew where we was.
Were.
Were.
Gilligan, are you playing
shuffleboard with my plates again?
Me?
And what about our frying pan?
Plates? Frying pan?
Is there something significant there?
No plates, no frying pan, no dinner.
There's something significant there.
Mary Ann, did you take my
hammock to collect the wash again?
I did not!
Well, it's missing.
Well, my plates are missing.
And our frying pan's missing.
Say, what's going on here?
Professor: I am
discussing my hammock!
I am trying to discuss our missing plates!
And our missing frying pan!
Wait a minute! I have
an announcement to make
of interest to everyone.
Yes?
One of you is a thief!
Well, now, just a minute, ho well!
Well, our silver knives
and forks are missing.
You're all under house arrest!
Well, what about our plates?
And our frying pan?
I demand the return
of my hammock immediately!
Yes, our family heirlooms
should never be borrowed.
Or stolen!
Well, none of us would steal anything!
One of you is a thief, and
no one can leave this island!
I intend to notify the f.B.A.!
"I"!
Good, Mr. Howell's
going to notify them, too.
[Arguing]
Gilligan, keep looking. It must've
been monkeys that stole that stuff.
Yeah, skipper. Monkeys are pretty clever.
Yes, but it was pretty dumb
of them to steal a frying pan.
Well, maybe they wanted fried bananas.
They must be tired of eating
raw bananas all the time.
My detective magazine?
Why did they steal that?
Like I said, they're pretty clever.
Gilligan, monkeys can't read!
Oh, yeah?
Then where did they get
the recipe for fried bananas?
[Rustling]
Skipper?
What?
Think I just heard something.
Well, what was it?
Oh, nothing. Just some guy
lying in a hammock, eating a banana,
and reading your detective magazine.
Oh
Oh! What?
Shh.
Gilligan, you know who that is?
No, skipper. I don't get
up this way very often.
Well, can't you guess?
Well
Short-wave: Calling Mr. George barkley.
Come in, Mr. Barkley.
Skinny Davis!
No! Shh!
No, it's the man
from the take a dare show.
It can't be. He's on a deserted island.
This island has people.
Short-wave: Mr. Barkley,
come in, please.
Barkley speaking. Go ahead.
It's him, skipper! It's him!
Shh! Now, listen!
Announcer: Are you alright, Mr. Barkley?
Well, this primitive life is
a little hard to get used to,
but I'm going to stick it out.
Some primitive life!
Why, that phony! We're going in
and break this up right now!
Announcer: Mr. Barkley,
we were wondering
I've got to sign off!
I've got to fight off some wild animals.
You give me that microphone,
or I'll break every bone in your
oh, ha ha! Mayday! Mayday!
Come in!
I'm sorry to spoil your fun, mister,
but we've got to get off this island.
Mayday! Come in, mayday.
Calling anybody!
Hi.
Hi! Hi!
Hello there! Hi!
Hi! Hi!
This is the skipper of the s.S. Minnow.
I know that!
I wasn't talking to you, gilligan.
But you said, "come in, anybody!"
I didn't mean you!
Mayday! Mayday! Come in!
I don't think there's anybody there.
I think you're right. Gimme that thing!
Not the banana, the set!
Mayday! Come in, mayday!
I guess that I broke it
when I grabbed the mic.
Now, isn't that a shame?
There's no problem.
Don't worry, Mr. Barkley.
'Cause the professor,
he can fix anything!
Yeah, he can fix anything!
That's right! He can fix it!
It's hopeless.
Both: What?
The part that goes on here is missing.
Both: Missing?
Any luck, professor?
Aw, there's no way to
make this transmitter work
without that missing part.
Well, isn't there
some substitute we can make?
Well, maybe the battery's dead.
Gilligan, what's the matter?
Maybe gilligan's dead.
Gilligan!
What did you do?
Nothing, skipper, I just went like
gilligan, will you stop that?
How did you do with barkley?
It was like talking to a stone wall.
Yeah, it was like talking to a stone wall.
I mean, I begged with him,
I pleaded with him,
I I even offered to belt his brains out.
We begged with him, we
pleaded with him ma ma ma ma!
That's enough, gilligan!
Well, there's no doubt that
Mr. Barkley removed that part.
Well, fellas, is the transmitter fixed yet?
I'm afraid Mr. Barkley
has removed a vital part.
Well, put it back.
Oh! It bit me!
I ordered him to put it
back, but he just laughed.
Mr. Barkley's attitude is
quite simple to understand.
I don't understand it.
Well, it's based on money.
I understand.
If the take a dare people find
that he's not alone on this island,
he'll forfeit the $10,000.
Well, round up that fellow
and have him report to my quarters.
Talk to him all you want, Mr. Howell,
but he won't listen.
He's a most stubborn man.
Skipper: All he wants
to do is get that $10,000.
Greed, Mr. Howell, makes
people do strange things.
Greed I can understand,
but all this commotion about petty cash!
Now, lovey, this Mr. Barkley
can get us off the island,
so we must treat him
with the utmost consideration.
Oh, I intend to, dear.
I thought I might even
treat him as an equal.
Ha ha! Good girl!
[Knock on hut]
Oh, shh. Uh, come in!
Ah, good afternoon, Mr. Barkley!
The skipper said that
you wanted to see me.
Yes, I believe that you're
interested in a certain sum of money.
Mm-hmm! You bet I am!
Oh, money won't be
of any use on the island.
Thurston and I have loads of it!
We haven't even unpacked it yet!
One moment, please.
[Snap] Oh!
Oh, that smarts!
Now, sir, which
denomination do you prefer?
You've got to be kidding.
My husband never jokes about money.
Here's $10,000, and
just go fix the transmitter.
Forget it.
11,000! 15,000!
20,000! 25,000!
30,000!
Lovey, you're bidding against me!
Oh, darling, I'm so sorry.
But you know how I always
get carried away at auctions.
Name a reasonable
figure, and we'll dicker, sir.
Forget it. This stuff wouldn't
even pass for stage money!
Oh, I know. Stage money!
Rather have a check.
I'll write him one.
Lady, don't try to kid me.
To whom do I make it out?
Skip it! "Skippit."
And your last name?
Lady, that check is no
better than this phony money
or the rhinestone ring you're wearing.
Rhinestone ring!
Or the dime store pearls!
Dime store pearls?
I feel one of my spells coming on!
Yes, lovey, perhaps you'd better lie down.
No, no. The beds aren't made.
I'll have to faint standing up.
Ready? Ready.
And he thinks
the howells' money is phony
and their jewelry, imitation.
Well, there must be
some way we could get him
to fix that transmitter.
I don't think so. We tried everything.
The skipper even
threatened to beat him up.
Oh
Maybe he didn't use the right weapon.
Oh, yeah? You mean
like a throwing knife?
Bzzz! Pop!
No.
A blowgun!
Whoosh! Pop!
Definitely not.
A hand grenade?
[Imitates explosion]
Uh-uh.
Well, what did you have in mind?
Oh, yeah, well,
I'd better be going, ginger.
Ginger!
Mary Ann, do you
want to come with me?
What for? You already
have him outnumbered.
Right!
Mr. Barkley!
Oh! Oh
Imagine bumping into you here!
Well, I was just taking a little walk.
Oh, a person could get lost here,
if he didn't know his way around.
Yeah, I guess he could.
I've been here ever so long,
and I still have all sorts of trouble.
And it's been so very, very hard
without a real man around.
Mm-hmm. Well, unfortunately,
I won't be staying much longer.
Oh, but you will be here
a few days longer anyway, won't you?
For the rest of the week.
Oh, that's very good, Mr. Barkley,
because I have a feeling
that you and I have
an awful lot in common.
Oh like what?
Well, you're a man. I'm a woman.
I'm a man, you're a woman.
Beautiful arrangement.
How 'bout meeting later?
Later?
Say 10:00.
[Breathy sigh] Till then
Hoo!
Make that 9:00.
Oh, and don't forget the missing
part of the transmitter, honey.
Oh, forget about that.
Let's say 8:30.
Oh, how 'bout now?
Well, to put it whoops
in your own sweet, wonderful words
Uh-huh?
Forget it!
Gilligan, we've got bad news.
The whole transmitter's gone.
There's no doubt about it.
That sneaky character
deliberately kept that
missing part from us all along!
If you're gonna keep talking,
I'm not gonna be able to
hear my favorite radio program.
Well, we can't hear it anyway, gilligan.
Announcer: You only have
2 days left, Mr. Barkley.
And all america wants
the answer to one question:
Can you hang on for another 48 hours
and win all that money?
Barkley: Tell my public to hang on,
because that's exactly
what I'm going to do!
Announcer: Oh, you've shown
rare courage, Mr. Barkley.
And I'm sure this is
going to make you famous!
We must locate him
within the next 48 hours.
Well, certainly the next 48 hours!
But where are we gonna look?
Anywhere! Everywhere!
We don't have to look.
We don't?
No. We just stay right here,
and when he comes
back to say good-bye,
we catch him!
[Yelling] Skipper, why
[whispering] Shh! Look
up there. There he is.
Oh, let's yell when we get close to him.
What, so he can hear us?
No, to make sure the people
on the radio hear us.
There's something wrong with that idea,
but I just haven't got
time enough to figure it out.
Come on!
I didn't get that last question, sir.
Announcer: I said, I imagine you've been
anxious to see people again.
Oh, what people?
Any people!
Oh! Yes!
Not seeing another
human being for a week
is is tougher than you think.
I'm skipper of the minnow!
And gilligan! Gilligan! Gilligan!
Announcer: Mr. Barkley, those voices,
are there people with you?
Uh, no, sir! There must be another
radio program on this frequency.
Skipper: Don't sign off!
Uh, look, I'm having a small problem.
This is barkley signing off!
Hold it, barkley! I'll take that!
Gimme that mic!
Hello! [Stammers]
[Clears throat]
Hello! This is skipper of the minnow!
There are 7 other people on the island
besides your Mr. Barkley.
Tell 'em about me!
I'm sorry to do this, barkley,
but it's all for the best.
You can't win them all.
Can I talk? Can I talk?
Yes, certainly, gilligan.
Testing, 1, 2
come on, get on with it!
When you get here,
there'll be 7 of us here,
and we're wearing
carnations red ones!
Gimme that!
We'll see you tomorrow! Over and out!
Thank you, barkley.
[Beethoven plays]
Uhh!
How did I sound, Mr. Howell?
Well, that was Beethoven's fifth.
Never mind this. Did you hear me?
Of course not! Well, no.
All I heard was that barkley fellow.
Well, but you must have heard me!
Us! Well, he said something
about having a small problem,
then he just signed off, just like that.
That's the way.
Uh-oh.
Skipper, he couldn't
have tricked us again.
No, we're too smart to be tricked again.
Only little babies get tricked again!
Both: He tricked us again!
Yes, yes, and I can't
wait to see the thousands
no, no, the millions
of my fans uh, look,
I can't talk anymore.
This transmitter is going dead!
Just pick me up
tomorrow as prearranged!
Skipper: Grab it, gilligan!
It's smashed on the rocks!
Oh, skipper!
Skipper, there he goes!
Now, listen carefully.
Mr. Barkley has to
come out of hiding soon
so he can be picked up.
Serves him right if he misses the boat.
Just as long as we don't miss it.
Well, with each of us stationed
on a different part
of the island, we won't!
Well, what do we do
when we see the boat?
Yell.
Loud.
Uh, loudly.
That, too.
Now, lets see if we all understand.
We each have an assigned place.
We are to keep alert,
and we are to yell if we sight a boat.
And to run immediately
to where the boat lands.
Understand?
Understand.
Gilligan, do you understand that?
Yeah, we each have an assigned place.
We're to stay alert
Ow!
And to yell loudly if we sight the boat,
and run to where it lands.
Gilligan, you got it right, little buddy!
Sorry about that, chief.
Gilligan!
Why are you looking up in the sky?
I'm watching the helicopter take off.
You're supposed to be
out here looking at
helicopter?
[Helicopter approaches]
Gilligan, why didn't you say something?
You told me to yell if I saw a boat, right?
Right!
Well, for your information,
I'm smart enough to know the difference
between a boat and a helicopter!
Announcer: Mr. Barkley
is now signing the affidavit
stating that he had no outside contact
during all the time he was
on the deserted island.
How do you like that?
And he's getting away with it!
Yeah, to the tune of $10,000.
One of my favorite melodies.
Announcer: If we could
just have the transmitter
Mr. Barkley used while
he was on the island
barkley: I don't have
the transmitter with me.
Well, that's alright.
We just thought it would be more fun
to have you open the secret
panel here on the program.
Barkley: What secret panel?
Why, the one at the bottom
of your transmitter.
That's where we put your $10,000!
Barkley: Oh, me!
[All laugh]
Gilligan, I give up.
Me, too.
All day long we've
looked for that $10,000,
and all day long, we've
had nothing but bad luck.
Our usual good luck.
You mean bad luck.
No, for me it's good luck.
I found my secret agent ring.
First I lost it in the hut,
then I lost it in the cave,
and then I found it again!
You found your secret agent ring!
Yeah! See that, skipper?
It's got a secret compartment!
[Sighs] Well, now you've lost it again!
Afternoon, Mr. Howell.
Oh, hello there, fellas.
What are you doing down here?
Well, I was down there
washing out my money,
and when I hung it out
to dry, believe it or not,
there was an extra $10,000!
Interest seems
to follow me wherever I go.
Ha ha ha, by George!
Oh, no!
Now this is the tale of our castaways ♪
they're here for a long, long time ♪
they'll have to make the best of things ♪
it's an uphill climb ♪
the first mate and his skipper, too ♪
will do their very best ♪
to make the others comfortable ♪
in the tropic island nest ♪
no phone No lights
no motorcars, not a single luxury ♪
like Robinson crusoe ♪
it's primitive as can be ♪
so join us here each week, my friends ♪
you're sure to get a smile ♪
from 7 stranded castaways ♪
here on gilligan's isle ♪