Happy Days (1974) s03e16 Episode Script
Fonzie the Salesman
1
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪
Ready to race to you ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪Oh, baby ♪
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪
Rocking and rolling all week long ♪
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
Saturday, what a day ♪
Groovin' all week with you ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪
Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, baby ♪
These happy days ♪
Are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours ♪
And mine, Happy Days! ♪
Happy Days is filmed before a live audience.
Wah, wah, ooh-ooh ♪
Wah-ooh wah-wah-wah-wah. ♪
Hey, Fonz.
Hey, Ralph. Hi, Rich.
What's going on out there?
They're taking Herb's sign down outside.
Yeah, everything is loused up.
Herb is thinking about selling the place
and there's a turkey in there
talking about buying it right now.
Oh, that's why you're so angry.
Who is angry, Malph?!
Not you, Fonz. Not you.
So Herb's retiring, huh?
Yeah, yeah, I mean, he's getting
a little old, you know?
His mind is starting to wander lately.
You know what I caught him doing last week?
Now dig this, huh? Dig this.
He was trying to do his tax returns
with a screwdriver! Huh, huh?
Wait a minute, Fonz.
How come Herb didn't offer to sell the place to you?
Yeah, he did, you know, he did,
but my place it's, is under the hood, man,
it's not behind some desk.
Well, maybe the new owner will be all right.
Not if it's that guy in there now.
The minute I saw him,
there's a little voice inside me says,
"Fonz, this is not your type of person.
This is not a regular guy."
All right, Herb, I'll sign the papers tomorrow.
Ciao.
Excuse me.
Can you tell me where I might find a Mr. Fonzie?
Yeah, why don't you check the other end of your nose?
I see. Very good.
My name is Berkeley Van Alden.
I'm the Fonz.
The Fonz.
How quaint.
Well, I'm going to be your new master.
My new master.
How quaint.
Herb tells me no one can spark the old plugs like you.
N'est ce pas?
I'm pretty good.
As a matter of fact, I'm the best, capisce?
I'm a very rich man.
I get what I want.
Here, here's a dollar.
I don't even know him.
Imagine what I could do for you.
I want to retain you as my head mechanic.
You'll be in charge of repairs.
Oh, yeah? And if I want to retain you as my boss,
what are you in charge of?
Reorganization. This place is a mess.
Are you kidding, man? This place is a garage.
I run a tidy shop.
Yeah, and I know where everything is.
But I'm allergic to grease.
I love grease.
It makes my eyebrows fall out.
Did he just say, uh
Yeah, his eyebrows fall out.
Whoa!
And these overalls, they absorb grime.
We'll have no more of that.
All my mechanics will be in vinyl.
Hey, this guy wants to dress me like a table!
I love vinyl.
You just touch it with a damp
sponge and it's all shiny clean.
Don't worry about the expense. I have plenty of money.
Here, here's another dollar.
I really don't want your money.
Can I have it?
The lad has no shame,
and he'll do well in the business world.
Can I have another one?
Get out of here, Malph!
Yeah, uh, Mr. Van Alden
Please, we're friends. Call me Bronko.
Yeah, I'd rather not.
Listen, uh, you don't look like a garage person.
Why do you want to buy a garage?
Well, I like to buy things.
I, I like to ski, I bought a mountain.
I, I was hungry, I bought a restaurant.
I want to play with cars, I buy a garage.
We'll fix that.
Is that your Ferrari outside?
Yes, it is.
Can I have it?
Get in your car right now! Get in your car!
You're a spunky fellow. I like spunky.
What do you say?
If I buy the place, will you stay on?
It'll be the two of us Bronko and Spunky.
Well, I'll let you know, master.
Very well.
Oh, one more thing.
Short hair is neater, here's a dollar, get a crew cut.
Hey!
I'll save it for you.
I feel so happy today, I feel like singing.
I think I'll buy the McGuire Sisters.
Arrividerci.
All right.
That's it.
Crew cuts, vinyl overalls, I quit.
What are you doing, Fonz?
I'm getting out of here.
I don't work for creeps. The
Fonz don't work for creeps, man.
Well, you know, it's too bad
you didn't want to buy the place yourself.
Maybe you should buy the place, Fonz.
Oh, yeah? And what am I going to buy it with?
My good looks?
You could probably get a loan.
You know, nobody buys anything big
with cash anymore, Fonz.
Everything is bought on credit.
Where would I get the money from anyway?
Oh, my dad has a lodge brother
who's a loan officer at the bank.
Maybe he could get you a business loan.
There you go, Fonz.
Yeah, I can ask Dad
to invite him over after bowling tonight.
You could ask him for the money, then.
Yeah, maybe owning my own garage is a cool thing.
You know, Fonzie's Garage.
Yeah, Fonz, I'd throw you all my business.
Fonzie's Garage, huh?
Yeah, let's discuss it over lunch.
Who's going to pay?
He's got three dollars.
Wait a minute, wait a minute, guys. Wait a minute.
I worked hard for that money.
So, you know my son, Richie.
Hi, Mr. Hunsberger.
Oh, Fonzie, this is Mr. Hunsberger.
He's the loan officer from the bank.
Hey, it's very nice to meet ya.
I need $10,000.
He doesn't believe in small talk.
Well, I certainly hope that we can do business together.
Hey, no more than I do.
Hey, sorry.
Sit down, Phil. Mm.
Would you like some coffee?
Oh, no, not during business hours.
Let me get you a chair, Fonz.
Hey, thanks a lot, Cunningham.
Now, be that as it may,
you realize, of course, that you will still have
to come down to the bank and fill out the applications.
However, I must ask you a few salient questions,
and you can answer them
with an eye toward potential approval
of your application as an indicator.
Yeah. What is he talking about?
He's just going to ask you some questions.
Now, name, Arthur Fonzarelli.
Yeah, right.
Now, let's see.
What kind of a loan are you applying for?
Money.
Yes, I know that.
Then why did you ask?
No, no, no, I mean, did you want a personal loan,
do you want a business
What-what do you want the money for?
Oh, oh, oh, yeah, yeah, so I don't have to get a crew cut.
I beg your pardon?
Fonzie wants to buy an automotive repair shop.
Well, then, why didn't he say that?
Now I'm going to have to erase.
I don't like to erase.
Now
have you ever been in business before?
Yeah. What type of business?
Well, I-I helped Richie raise some money
by, uh, selling kisses.
No experience in business.
Do you have collateral?
Hey, no, man, I ain't been sick a day in my life.
Uh, Fonzie, what Phil means is,
do you have anything of worth to put up
against the value of the loan?
If I had something worth that much, I'd sell it,
I'd get the money, I wouldn't have to sit here
and take the third degree from you.
You know, I knew this wasn't going to work out.
You know, you guys in three-piece suits,
you just don't like me, that's all.
Mr. Fonzarelli, I sense a hostility here
that I don't feel should exist.
After all, we're just trying to transact business.
I mean, I don't care how hep
you think you are. Cool, not hep, cool.
Cool, hep-hep, cool
With no previous business experience,
and dangerous collateral,
and you expect us to welcome your business with open arms?
Ohhh, come, come now.
Howard, you know what kind of a guy I am.
I'm loose, open-minded,
fun-loving, but this is ridiculous!
Hey, uh, okay, Mr. Fun-loving, let me ask you a question.
Do you drink beer out of a glass?
I don't drink beer.
Hey, I had enough of this nerd, huh?
Whoa!
Fonz! Hey!
Oh, come on now, Fonz.
Hey, I'll find another garage.
There's got to be a cool garage somewhere.
Hey, doom-ba-la, doom-ba, boom-ba, hey ♪
Doo-wah, doo-wah, doo. ♪
Marion, the roast is getting cold; Now I want to eat.
Dad, I thought you were on a diet.
Only between meals.
Please wait. Howard, Richard will be right down with Arthur.
The poor boy hasn't left his apartment in two days.
He can't find work, he's so depressed.
There he is. Hello, Arthur.
Go ahead and sit down, Fonz. We just started.
Fonzie, your hair, it's messed up.
Well, there's no reason to comb it.
My duck tail and me have no place to go.
Wow!
Arthur, have you been eating regularly?
Yeah.
Tuesday I had a cookie.
Okay, come on, dig in everybody.
Come on, Fonz.
Fonzie, Richie tells me you quit your job at the garage.
Well, he'll get another one.
He just doesn't like the new owner.
Yes, why don't you get a job at a new garage?
Because there are no openings for a head mechanic
or so they say.
But you know what it really is,
they've been jealous of the Fonz for so long,
and now they've got me.
Let's face it,
Fonzie, King of the Grease Pits
is finished.
I'm selling my toolbox.
Oh, Howard, do something.
All right, all right.
You know, believe it or not, there was a time in my life
when I felt exactly the same way you do.
Tell us all about it, Howard.
We love this story, don't we, children?
See?
Well, it was right after I got out of the service
in World War II.
See, I spent three years in the Army
in a position of great importance
where I was feared and respected by all my men.
Dad was a cook.
Well, anyway, when I got out of the Army,
I wanted to open up a restaurant.
But nobody would loan me the money,
and I felt so, so worthless.
Now isn't that how you feel now?
Oh, yeah.
Well, maybe not as worthless as a cook.
Well, nevertheless,
there was a time in my life
when I felt exactly the way you do.
I had no job, I-I thought my life was over with,
and then one day something happened
to change my whole life!
What?
My toilet overflowed.
And some people say there is no God.
And I walked into a hardware
I walked into a hardware store to buy a new plunger.
And I took one look at those shelves
and saw all those pipes an-and those nails
and those tub stoppers, and those angle irons
I tell you, Fonzie, my heart was filled with a kind of
Boredom?
No, excitement! Oh.
And I knew right then and there
that hardware was my calling.
So, I got myself a job as a stock boy
and today I own that very same store.
And we still have that very same plunger.
That's it!
What?
Charlton Heston.
Remember, remember Charlton
Heston in the, in the Ten Commandments?
I mean, he went up on top of that mountain
'cause he was sick and depressed
from hanging around with all those sheep.
And then suddenly he stepped on that burning bush.
That was a big moment in his life.
It was a sign his life would change.
Yeah, well, now I know what I'm
going to do with my life. What's that?
I'm going to work with you at the hardware store.
I'll just take the potatoes.
And a little salad.
Yeah, this is great.
A little salad here.
Yeah, the beans.
Hey, nobody's, nobody's chewing.
Can I see you over here for just a minute, please?
Hey, sure, partner.
Uh, Fonzie, I don't know how to tell you this,
but hardware is really not for you.
You see, it's very boring.
Hey, not with the Fonz around.
Yeah, and-and-and I really couldn't pay you very much.
Oh, Mr. Cunningham, I don't need very much.
And I'll tell you something else.
Do you know that days go by
without a female customer coming into the store?
Hey, days.
Sometimes weeks.
Even months!
Months?
Hardware's out!
Okay. But the thing is, at least
you gave me a glimmer of hope.
At least I know now that there is a profession.
I just got to go out there and find it, that's all.
Oh, Arthur, you're going out and look for a job?
Oh, yeah, tomorrow, right after lunch.
Well, why not in the morning?
In the morning?
Hey, I got to comb my hair!
Look out, world The Fonz is coming!
Aaayyh!
♪♪
Hey, I don't know if I'm going to like this job, Cunningham.
Look I told you, Fonz
My cousin made $20,000 last year
selling encyclopedias.
Yeah, well, let's move it, huh?
Come on!
Fonz, could I ask you a question?
Sure.
Why do we have to start on the top floor?
Because number seven is my lucky number.
Yeah, right. Well, couldn't you at least carry one of these?
Hey, I got to keep a hand free to knock.
Geez.
Right.
Okay, now, you know what you got to say, right?
Yeah, I got it memorized just like they told me.
Nah, I don't think you were supposed to memorize it
Yeah? What is it?
Good afternoon, sir, madam, or small child.
Don't you look lovely!
My name is Arthur Fonzarelli,
and I have a free gift for you.
Yes, aren't you excited!
You will be thrilled to know that you have been chosen,
from among thousands
What are you selling, Slick?
I ain't got all day, you know.
Yeah, yeah, what am I selling?
I ain't up to that part yet. Uh
Go ahead and just tell her, Fonz. Don't interrupt me.
Uh, you look lovely today.
Uh, you might be thrilled Yeah, yeah.
We want to give away a set of National Encyclopedias.
How much are you giving them away for?
How much? That's a good question.
Uh, I'll tell you in a minute.
Go to the page, the page. Okay.
Um, 37 cents.
37 cents per week.
A very small fee, huh?
To educate a child or children.
I ain't got no children, and I ain't got no more time.
Yeah, and you ain't got a free gift!
Listen, Fonz, I don't think that you were supposed
to say it word for word, you see?
You got to be more yourself.
Put some of your own, uh, forceful personality into it.
Oh, you mean, be more the Fonz?
Right.
Well, why didn't you say that?
Next door. All right.
Yeah.
Hey, I'm the Fonz.
I'm selling these books.
They're cool, they're cheap, and you buy 'em!
Wait! Wait, Fonz!
I'm going home!
No, now, don't quit.
You're doing better, you're doing better.
You just got to find sort of a middle ground, you see?
Somewhere between that speech you memorized
and your own personality.
Oh, you mean like in between both doors?
Right, right.
All right, I'll try it again. Okay.
Yes?
Well, aren't you going to take the chain off?
Are you related to me? No.
Then the chain don't come off.
Just go. Go ahead, Fonz.
Hey, listen, I hate to talk between cracks here.
Just go ahead.
All right. Uh, hello.
My name is Arthur Fonzarelli,
and, uh, I have a free gift for you.
Well, he's a fast little devil.
Hey, uh, all right, listen, uh,
uh, we are selling these books here,
and for a for a-a paltry 37 cents a week,
you can educate your children.
Do you have any children?
Yes, I-I have three children.
Hey, that's cool, huh?
Listen, if you're interested,
just put your name right here. I'm not interested.
What do you mean, you're not interested?
Well, we got a library down the street. The kids go there.
What do you mean, you're not interested?
I did it perfect this time!
I don't want no trouble.
Hey, wait a minute!
I did it perfect this time.
Tell him. Didn't I?
Uh, he did good.
Yeah, this is my good friend Richie, too.
Here, just-just look at a book, will you?
Hey, you got my book in the door!
Give me back my globe.
Hey, you dented Peru!
Oh, boy.
Hey, hey, don't get mad, Fonz.
There's no reason to be discouraged.
You're doing better. Yeah?
Yeah.
Then why do we still have the books?
You can't make every sale.
This is kind of a game of percentages.
You know, you go to a lot of doors.
Finally, you run into the person who's right for you.
Ah, I don't know, I don't think so.
Come on, just try another door, Fonz.
All right, all right.
I'll try one more door.
If I don't make it, I become an animal trainer.
All right.
Ah.
Now this is my kind of door.
Uh, I beg your pardon?
Yeah, oh, you don't have to beg my pardon.
Anything I got is yours.
Hey, how about it if I come in there,
and I show you some fabulous pictures in my great books?
Gee, sounds like fun.
Yeah, this job is fun.
Look, you're awfully cute,
but I don't have any money to buy books.
Oh, no, gorgeous lady,
these books are a gift for you!
Fonz, you-you can't do that.
Oh, yeah, I can.
I give away the books, I'll sell the globes.
You You can't do that.
You can't. I can't do that?
All right, then I quit.
I'll sell something else tomorrow.
Like what?
I'll figure that out tomorrow.
Listen, all work and no play makes the Fonz very tense.
Listen, on page 68 to 70, the Taj Mahal
It's beautiful!
Ba ba ba ba ♪
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. ♪
Hey, come on, Fonz.
There's eight more kids out there
waiting by the truck for ice cream.
I can't take this anymore, Cunningham.
I got gum in my hair, I got ice cream down my pants,
and every kid out there is going to be a penny short.
I tell you something I quit.
Do you know something?
I had six jobs. I hated every one of them.
I'm only good for one thing.
No, wait a minute.
I'm good for two, but I can only make a living at one.
I'm going to talk to Van Alden.
Wait a minute. You're going to ask for your old job back?
Cunningham, I am sick of driving that ice cream truck.
I just get it up to 95.
I got to slow down for some kid waving a dime!
Would you look at what he did to my garage?
He even took down Miss August.
Now, how tasteless can you get?
Why, Mr. Fonzarelli, what a pleasant surprise.
How do you like the garage?
I hate it.
Still spunky, hmm?
Well, listen, Mr. Van Alden, I want
You know, things just haven't been the same here
since you left; 20 cars have been in here.
We haven't been able to fix one. I had to buy them all.
Yeah, look, I want to talk to you about that.
You know, between you and me,
this new mechanic is a good fellow, but he's a clumsy brute.
Then what did you hire him for?
He's a heck of a polo player.
He absolutely saved the third chukker Sunday.
I felt I owed him something.
Oh, Mr. Fonzarelli, please come back to work.
Well, I mean, you know, seeing how you're so desperate,
I guess we could work something out.
Uh, Mr. Van Alden? Yes?
I'm afraid Fonzie is not available.
Oh, darn!
Hey, Cunningham.
I didn't tell you about the phone call.
What phone call? This is business.
I'm talking business!
Bernie, from Bernie's Garage called.
Dirty Bernie? Right.
He wants to give you a job,
and he wants to pay him $50 a week raise.
Oh, see that?
I knew it was just a matter of time
before all those offers started rolling in.
Let's get down there! Now, wait, wait, wait, wait!
Let's not be hasty.
I mean, after all, Dirty Bernie.
Don't go away. I'll be right back.
Charles, the engine is on the inside.
Hey, Dirty Bernie called?
Let's get down there.
Well, uh, Fonz, Bernie didn't really call.
Cunningham Dirty Bernie did not call?
This does not tickle my funny bone.
Come on, Fonz, trust me.
We're running a bluff here.
You got him over a barrel.
What do you mean, we? He needs you.
Oh, yeah?
This is a very gutsy bluff here, Cunningham, with my life.
Well, listen, just so that you have a rooting interest,
know this if it don't work out,
you're going to hang where Miss August used to be.
Oh, good. Ha, ha.
You're still here.
Well, nobody outbids Van Alden.
I'll match his offer, plus a dollar.
Bernie also offered Fonz
complete control over the garage.
Yeah, and, also, I get a cloth, gray uniform.
Gray? Well Yeah.
And also one more thing No crew cut.
And a cot in the back room. What for?
Aaayyh!
Oh.
I understand, Spunky, I was young once.
You've got it.
All right, then you got yourself a head mechanic.
Oh, you're a prince! Hey, back off, back off!
Backing off, backing off.
We'll settle everything in the morning.
Charles, ha, ha, you're fired.
Saddle up, let's get out of here
while I've still got my eyebrows.
Hey, Daddy's home, huh?
Aaayyh!
Congratulations, Fonz.
Hey, listen, uh, Cunningham,
about what you just did, huh?
Yeah?
Come on, you know.
Yeah, I know, Fonz, you want to thank me,
but listen, you've helped me out at least 50 times.
Yeah? That's right.
So let's just forget about it.
Forget about it? You owe me 49, huh?
I'll fight you. Come on out, let's go.
Hey, kids, get away from my bike!
La, la, la-la, la, la, la. ♪
Splish splash I was taking a bath ♪
Long about a Saturday night, yeah ♪
Rub-a-dub, just relaxing in the tub ♪
Thinkin' everything was all right ♪
I wrapped the towel around me then I opened the door ♪
And then I splish splash ♪
Sure. Why don't you come on in?
Well, how was I to know there was a party going on? ♪
♪♪
Oh, sure. Won't you come in?
Bing bang, I saw the whole gang ♪
Dancing on my living room floor ♪
All the teens had the dancing bug ♪
There was Lollipops with Peggy Sue ♪
Sure Good golly, Miss Molly was even there, too ♪
A-well, a-splish splash, I forgot about the bath ♪
I went and put my dancing shoes on, yeah ♪
Yeah ♪
♪♪
These happy days are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours and mine, Happy Days!
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪
Rocking and rolling all week long ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪Oh, baby ♪
These happy days are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪
Ready to race to you ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪Oh, baby ♪
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪
Rocking and rolling all week long ♪
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
Saturday, what a day ♪
Groovin' all week with you ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪
Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, baby ♪
These happy days ♪
Are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours ♪
And mine, Happy Days! ♪
Happy Days is filmed before a live audience.
Wah, wah, ooh-ooh ♪
Wah-ooh wah-wah-wah-wah. ♪
Hey, Fonz.
Hey, Ralph. Hi, Rich.
What's going on out there?
They're taking Herb's sign down outside.
Yeah, everything is loused up.
Herb is thinking about selling the place
and there's a turkey in there
talking about buying it right now.
Oh, that's why you're so angry.
Who is angry, Malph?!
Not you, Fonz. Not you.
So Herb's retiring, huh?
Yeah, yeah, I mean, he's getting
a little old, you know?
His mind is starting to wander lately.
You know what I caught him doing last week?
Now dig this, huh? Dig this.
He was trying to do his tax returns
with a screwdriver! Huh, huh?
Wait a minute, Fonz.
How come Herb didn't offer to sell the place to you?
Yeah, he did, you know, he did,
but my place it's, is under the hood, man,
it's not behind some desk.
Well, maybe the new owner will be all right.
Not if it's that guy in there now.
The minute I saw him,
there's a little voice inside me says,
"Fonz, this is not your type of person.
This is not a regular guy."
All right, Herb, I'll sign the papers tomorrow.
Ciao.
Excuse me.
Can you tell me where I might find a Mr. Fonzie?
Yeah, why don't you check the other end of your nose?
I see. Very good.
My name is Berkeley Van Alden.
I'm the Fonz.
The Fonz.
How quaint.
Well, I'm going to be your new master.
My new master.
How quaint.
Herb tells me no one can spark the old plugs like you.
N'est ce pas?
I'm pretty good.
As a matter of fact, I'm the best, capisce?
I'm a very rich man.
I get what I want.
Here, here's a dollar.
I don't even know him.
Imagine what I could do for you.
I want to retain you as my head mechanic.
You'll be in charge of repairs.
Oh, yeah? And if I want to retain you as my boss,
what are you in charge of?
Reorganization. This place is a mess.
Are you kidding, man? This place is a garage.
I run a tidy shop.
Yeah, and I know where everything is.
But I'm allergic to grease.
I love grease.
It makes my eyebrows fall out.
Did he just say, uh
Yeah, his eyebrows fall out.
Whoa!
And these overalls, they absorb grime.
We'll have no more of that.
All my mechanics will be in vinyl.
Hey, this guy wants to dress me like a table!
I love vinyl.
You just touch it with a damp
sponge and it's all shiny clean.
Don't worry about the expense. I have plenty of money.
Here, here's another dollar.
I really don't want your money.
Can I have it?
The lad has no shame,
and he'll do well in the business world.
Can I have another one?
Get out of here, Malph!
Yeah, uh, Mr. Van Alden
Please, we're friends. Call me Bronko.
Yeah, I'd rather not.
Listen, uh, you don't look like a garage person.
Why do you want to buy a garage?
Well, I like to buy things.
I, I like to ski, I bought a mountain.
I, I was hungry, I bought a restaurant.
I want to play with cars, I buy a garage.
We'll fix that.
Is that your Ferrari outside?
Yes, it is.
Can I have it?
Get in your car right now! Get in your car!
You're a spunky fellow. I like spunky.
What do you say?
If I buy the place, will you stay on?
It'll be the two of us Bronko and Spunky.
Well, I'll let you know, master.
Very well.
Oh, one more thing.
Short hair is neater, here's a dollar, get a crew cut.
Hey!
I'll save it for you.
I feel so happy today, I feel like singing.
I think I'll buy the McGuire Sisters.
Arrividerci.
All right.
That's it.
Crew cuts, vinyl overalls, I quit.
What are you doing, Fonz?
I'm getting out of here.
I don't work for creeps. The
Fonz don't work for creeps, man.
Well, you know, it's too bad
you didn't want to buy the place yourself.
Maybe you should buy the place, Fonz.
Oh, yeah? And what am I going to buy it with?
My good looks?
You could probably get a loan.
You know, nobody buys anything big
with cash anymore, Fonz.
Everything is bought on credit.
Where would I get the money from anyway?
Oh, my dad has a lodge brother
who's a loan officer at the bank.
Maybe he could get you a business loan.
There you go, Fonz.
Yeah, I can ask Dad
to invite him over after bowling tonight.
You could ask him for the money, then.
Yeah, maybe owning my own garage is a cool thing.
You know, Fonzie's Garage.
Yeah, Fonz, I'd throw you all my business.
Fonzie's Garage, huh?
Yeah, let's discuss it over lunch.
Who's going to pay?
He's got three dollars.
Wait a minute, wait a minute, guys. Wait a minute.
I worked hard for that money.
So, you know my son, Richie.
Hi, Mr. Hunsberger.
Oh, Fonzie, this is Mr. Hunsberger.
He's the loan officer from the bank.
Hey, it's very nice to meet ya.
I need $10,000.
He doesn't believe in small talk.
Well, I certainly hope that we can do business together.
Hey, no more than I do.
Hey, sorry.
Sit down, Phil. Mm.
Would you like some coffee?
Oh, no, not during business hours.
Let me get you a chair, Fonz.
Hey, thanks a lot, Cunningham.
Now, be that as it may,
you realize, of course, that you will still have
to come down to the bank and fill out the applications.
However, I must ask you a few salient questions,
and you can answer them
with an eye toward potential approval
of your application as an indicator.
Yeah. What is he talking about?
He's just going to ask you some questions.
Now, name, Arthur Fonzarelli.
Yeah, right.
Now, let's see.
What kind of a loan are you applying for?
Money.
Yes, I know that.
Then why did you ask?
No, no, no, I mean, did you want a personal loan,
do you want a business
What-what do you want the money for?
Oh, oh, oh, yeah, yeah, so I don't have to get a crew cut.
I beg your pardon?
Fonzie wants to buy an automotive repair shop.
Well, then, why didn't he say that?
Now I'm going to have to erase.
I don't like to erase.
Now
have you ever been in business before?
Yeah. What type of business?
Well, I-I helped Richie raise some money
by, uh, selling kisses.
No experience in business.
Do you have collateral?
Hey, no, man, I ain't been sick a day in my life.
Uh, Fonzie, what Phil means is,
do you have anything of worth to put up
against the value of the loan?
If I had something worth that much, I'd sell it,
I'd get the money, I wouldn't have to sit here
and take the third degree from you.
You know, I knew this wasn't going to work out.
You know, you guys in three-piece suits,
you just don't like me, that's all.
Mr. Fonzarelli, I sense a hostility here
that I don't feel should exist.
After all, we're just trying to transact business.
I mean, I don't care how hep
you think you are. Cool, not hep, cool.
Cool, hep-hep, cool
With no previous business experience,
and dangerous collateral,
and you expect us to welcome your business with open arms?
Ohhh, come, come now.
Howard, you know what kind of a guy I am.
I'm loose, open-minded,
fun-loving, but this is ridiculous!
Hey, uh, okay, Mr. Fun-loving, let me ask you a question.
Do you drink beer out of a glass?
I don't drink beer.
Hey, I had enough of this nerd, huh?
Whoa!
Fonz! Hey!
Oh, come on now, Fonz.
Hey, I'll find another garage.
There's got to be a cool garage somewhere.
Hey, doom-ba-la, doom-ba, boom-ba, hey ♪
Doo-wah, doo-wah, doo. ♪
Marion, the roast is getting cold; Now I want to eat.
Dad, I thought you were on a diet.
Only between meals.
Please wait. Howard, Richard will be right down with Arthur.
The poor boy hasn't left his apartment in two days.
He can't find work, he's so depressed.
There he is. Hello, Arthur.
Go ahead and sit down, Fonz. We just started.
Fonzie, your hair, it's messed up.
Well, there's no reason to comb it.
My duck tail and me have no place to go.
Wow!
Arthur, have you been eating regularly?
Yeah.
Tuesday I had a cookie.
Okay, come on, dig in everybody.
Come on, Fonz.
Fonzie, Richie tells me you quit your job at the garage.
Well, he'll get another one.
He just doesn't like the new owner.
Yes, why don't you get a job at a new garage?
Because there are no openings for a head mechanic
or so they say.
But you know what it really is,
they've been jealous of the Fonz for so long,
and now they've got me.
Let's face it,
Fonzie, King of the Grease Pits
is finished.
I'm selling my toolbox.
Oh, Howard, do something.
All right, all right.
You know, believe it or not, there was a time in my life
when I felt exactly the same way you do.
Tell us all about it, Howard.
We love this story, don't we, children?
See?
Well, it was right after I got out of the service
in World War II.
See, I spent three years in the Army
in a position of great importance
where I was feared and respected by all my men.
Dad was a cook.
Well, anyway, when I got out of the Army,
I wanted to open up a restaurant.
But nobody would loan me the money,
and I felt so, so worthless.
Now isn't that how you feel now?
Oh, yeah.
Well, maybe not as worthless as a cook.
Well, nevertheless,
there was a time in my life
when I felt exactly the way you do.
I had no job, I-I thought my life was over with,
and then one day something happened
to change my whole life!
What?
My toilet overflowed.
And some people say there is no God.
And I walked into a hardware
I walked into a hardware store to buy a new plunger.
And I took one look at those shelves
and saw all those pipes an-and those nails
and those tub stoppers, and those angle irons
I tell you, Fonzie, my heart was filled with a kind of
Boredom?
No, excitement! Oh.
And I knew right then and there
that hardware was my calling.
So, I got myself a job as a stock boy
and today I own that very same store.
And we still have that very same plunger.
That's it!
What?
Charlton Heston.
Remember, remember Charlton
Heston in the, in the Ten Commandments?
I mean, he went up on top of that mountain
'cause he was sick and depressed
from hanging around with all those sheep.
And then suddenly he stepped on that burning bush.
That was a big moment in his life.
It was a sign his life would change.
Yeah, well, now I know what I'm
going to do with my life. What's that?
I'm going to work with you at the hardware store.
I'll just take the potatoes.
And a little salad.
Yeah, this is great.
A little salad here.
Yeah, the beans.
Hey, nobody's, nobody's chewing.
Can I see you over here for just a minute, please?
Hey, sure, partner.
Uh, Fonzie, I don't know how to tell you this,
but hardware is really not for you.
You see, it's very boring.
Hey, not with the Fonz around.
Yeah, and-and-and I really couldn't pay you very much.
Oh, Mr. Cunningham, I don't need very much.
And I'll tell you something else.
Do you know that days go by
without a female customer coming into the store?
Hey, days.
Sometimes weeks.
Even months!
Months?
Hardware's out!
Okay. But the thing is, at least
you gave me a glimmer of hope.
At least I know now that there is a profession.
I just got to go out there and find it, that's all.
Oh, Arthur, you're going out and look for a job?
Oh, yeah, tomorrow, right after lunch.
Well, why not in the morning?
In the morning?
Hey, I got to comb my hair!
Look out, world The Fonz is coming!
Aaayyh!
♪♪
Hey, I don't know if I'm going to like this job, Cunningham.
Look I told you, Fonz
My cousin made $20,000 last year
selling encyclopedias.
Yeah, well, let's move it, huh?
Come on!
Fonz, could I ask you a question?
Sure.
Why do we have to start on the top floor?
Because number seven is my lucky number.
Yeah, right. Well, couldn't you at least carry one of these?
Hey, I got to keep a hand free to knock.
Geez.
Right.
Okay, now, you know what you got to say, right?
Yeah, I got it memorized just like they told me.
Nah, I don't think you were supposed to memorize it
Yeah? What is it?
Good afternoon, sir, madam, or small child.
Don't you look lovely!
My name is Arthur Fonzarelli,
and I have a free gift for you.
Yes, aren't you excited!
You will be thrilled to know that you have been chosen,
from among thousands
What are you selling, Slick?
I ain't got all day, you know.
Yeah, yeah, what am I selling?
I ain't up to that part yet. Uh
Go ahead and just tell her, Fonz. Don't interrupt me.
Uh, you look lovely today.
Uh, you might be thrilled Yeah, yeah.
We want to give away a set of National Encyclopedias.
How much are you giving them away for?
How much? That's a good question.
Uh, I'll tell you in a minute.
Go to the page, the page. Okay.
Um, 37 cents.
37 cents per week.
A very small fee, huh?
To educate a child or children.
I ain't got no children, and I ain't got no more time.
Yeah, and you ain't got a free gift!
Listen, Fonz, I don't think that you were supposed
to say it word for word, you see?
You got to be more yourself.
Put some of your own, uh, forceful personality into it.
Oh, you mean, be more the Fonz?
Right.
Well, why didn't you say that?
Next door. All right.
Yeah.
Hey, I'm the Fonz.
I'm selling these books.
They're cool, they're cheap, and you buy 'em!
Wait! Wait, Fonz!
I'm going home!
No, now, don't quit.
You're doing better, you're doing better.
You just got to find sort of a middle ground, you see?
Somewhere between that speech you memorized
and your own personality.
Oh, you mean like in between both doors?
Right, right.
All right, I'll try it again. Okay.
Yes?
Well, aren't you going to take the chain off?
Are you related to me? No.
Then the chain don't come off.
Just go. Go ahead, Fonz.
Hey, listen, I hate to talk between cracks here.
Just go ahead.
All right. Uh, hello.
My name is Arthur Fonzarelli,
and, uh, I have a free gift for you.
Well, he's a fast little devil.
Hey, uh, all right, listen, uh,
uh, we are selling these books here,
and for a for a-a paltry 37 cents a week,
you can educate your children.
Do you have any children?
Yes, I-I have three children.
Hey, that's cool, huh?
Listen, if you're interested,
just put your name right here. I'm not interested.
What do you mean, you're not interested?
Well, we got a library down the street. The kids go there.
What do you mean, you're not interested?
I did it perfect this time!
I don't want no trouble.
Hey, wait a minute!
I did it perfect this time.
Tell him. Didn't I?
Uh, he did good.
Yeah, this is my good friend Richie, too.
Here, just-just look at a book, will you?
Hey, you got my book in the door!
Give me back my globe.
Hey, you dented Peru!
Oh, boy.
Hey, hey, don't get mad, Fonz.
There's no reason to be discouraged.
You're doing better. Yeah?
Yeah.
Then why do we still have the books?
You can't make every sale.
This is kind of a game of percentages.
You know, you go to a lot of doors.
Finally, you run into the person who's right for you.
Ah, I don't know, I don't think so.
Come on, just try another door, Fonz.
All right, all right.
I'll try one more door.
If I don't make it, I become an animal trainer.
All right.
Ah.
Now this is my kind of door.
Uh, I beg your pardon?
Yeah, oh, you don't have to beg my pardon.
Anything I got is yours.
Hey, how about it if I come in there,
and I show you some fabulous pictures in my great books?
Gee, sounds like fun.
Yeah, this job is fun.
Look, you're awfully cute,
but I don't have any money to buy books.
Oh, no, gorgeous lady,
these books are a gift for you!
Fonz, you-you can't do that.
Oh, yeah, I can.
I give away the books, I'll sell the globes.
You You can't do that.
You can't. I can't do that?
All right, then I quit.
I'll sell something else tomorrow.
Like what?
I'll figure that out tomorrow.
Listen, all work and no play makes the Fonz very tense.
Listen, on page 68 to 70, the Taj Mahal
It's beautiful!
Ba ba ba ba ♪
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. ♪
Hey, come on, Fonz.
There's eight more kids out there
waiting by the truck for ice cream.
I can't take this anymore, Cunningham.
I got gum in my hair, I got ice cream down my pants,
and every kid out there is going to be a penny short.
I tell you something I quit.
Do you know something?
I had six jobs. I hated every one of them.
I'm only good for one thing.
No, wait a minute.
I'm good for two, but I can only make a living at one.
I'm going to talk to Van Alden.
Wait a minute. You're going to ask for your old job back?
Cunningham, I am sick of driving that ice cream truck.
I just get it up to 95.
I got to slow down for some kid waving a dime!
Would you look at what he did to my garage?
He even took down Miss August.
Now, how tasteless can you get?
Why, Mr. Fonzarelli, what a pleasant surprise.
How do you like the garage?
I hate it.
Still spunky, hmm?
Well, listen, Mr. Van Alden, I want
You know, things just haven't been the same here
since you left; 20 cars have been in here.
We haven't been able to fix one. I had to buy them all.
Yeah, look, I want to talk to you about that.
You know, between you and me,
this new mechanic is a good fellow, but he's a clumsy brute.
Then what did you hire him for?
He's a heck of a polo player.
He absolutely saved the third chukker Sunday.
I felt I owed him something.
Oh, Mr. Fonzarelli, please come back to work.
Well, I mean, you know, seeing how you're so desperate,
I guess we could work something out.
Uh, Mr. Van Alden? Yes?
I'm afraid Fonzie is not available.
Oh, darn!
Hey, Cunningham.
I didn't tell you about the phone call.
What phone call? This is business.
I'm talking business!
Bernie, from Bernie's Garage called.
Dirty Bernie? Right.
He wants to give you a job,
and he wants to pay him $50 a week raise.
Oh, see that?
I knew it was just a matter of time
before all those offers started rolling in.
Let's get down there! Now, wait, wait, wait, wait!
Let's not be hasty.
I mean, after all, Dirty Bernie.
Don't go away. I'll be right back.
Charles, the engine is on the inside.
Hey, Dirty Bernie called?
Let's get down there.
Well, uh, Fonz, Bernie didn't really call.
Cunningham Dirty Bernie did not call?
This does not tickle my funny bone.
Come on, Fonz, trust me.
We're running a bluff here.
You got him over a barrel.
What do you mean, we? He needs you.
Oh, yeah?
This is a very gutsy bluff here, Cunningham, with my life.
Well, listen, just so that you have a rooting interest,
know this if it don't work out,
you're going to hang where Miss August used to be.
Oh, good. Ha, ha.
You're still here.
Well, nobody outbids Van Alden.
I'll match his offer, plus a dollar.
Bernie also offered Fonz
complete control over the garage.
Yeah, and, also, I get a cloth, gray uniform.
Gray? Well Yeah.
And also one more thing No crew cut.
And a cot in the back room. What for?
Aaayyh!
Oh.
I understand, Spunky, I was young once.
You've got it.
All right, then you got yourself a head mechanic.
Oh, you're a prince! Hey, back off, back off!
Backing off, backing off.
We'll settle everything in the morning.
Charles, ha, ha, you're fired.
Saddle up, let's get out of here
while I've still got my eyebrows.
Hey, Daddy's home, huh?
Aaayyh!
Congratulations, Fonz.
Hey, listen, uh, Cunningham,
about what you just did, huh?
Yeah?
Come on, you know.
Yeah, I know, Fonz, you want to thank me,
but listen, you've helped me out at least 50 times.
Yeah? That's right.
So let's just forget about it.
Forget about it? You owe me 49, huh?
I'll fight you. Come on out, let's go.
Hey, kids, get away from my bike!
La, la, la-la, la, la, la. ♪
Splish splash I was taking a bath ♪
Long about a Saturday night, yeah ♪
Rub-a-dub, just relaxing in the tub ♪
Thinkin' everything was all right ♪
I wrapped the towel around me then I opened the door ♪
And then I splish splash ♪
Sure. Why don't you come on in?
Well, how was I to know there was a party going on? ♪
♪♪
Oh, sure. Won't you come in?
Bing bang, I saw the whole gang ♪
Dancing on my living room floor ♪
All the teens had the dancing bug ♪
There was Lollipops with Peggy Sue ♪
Sure Good golly, Miss Molly was even there, too ♪
A-well, a-splish splash, I forgot about the bath ♪
I went and put my dancing shoes on, yeah ♪
Yeah ♪
♪♪
These happy days are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours and mine, Happy Days!
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪
Rocking and rolling all week long ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪Oh, baby ♪
These happy days are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪