Jackie Chan Adventures (2000) s03e16 Episode Script

1
(Whoosh)
(Gasps) How did--
halt!
Halt!
Uhh!
Jade: Show me
whatcha got, shendu!
Eat digital steel!
Tohru: No!
That's right, t.
Another slice
of dragon toast
for the Jade-ster!
Ohh! My flame-on button
keeps jamming!
UhBoys and girls,
I am trying to concentrate.
So are we!
We have to get
to medieval evil,
level 7!
Uncle: Forget level 7.
We are going to the opera.
Tonight!
But uncle, my shang dynasty
exhibit opens tomorrow.
I am swamped!
Whoa! Opera?
Since when does uncle
go for fat ladies
in viking helmets?
Not viking opera!
Peking opera
With very special
performers.
Seven little fortunes?
(Gasps) But,
uncle, that is--
the troupe with
which I received
my opera training.
Sensei?
You were
in the opera?
When uncle was very young.
(Laughs)
Then how come
I never hear you
sing in the shower?
There's more to
the Peking opera than song,
as you will see tonight.
Uncle,
this must mean--
yes. My old friend wing
is now the director
of this troupe
And I have not seen him
in nearly 60 years.
This is the story of
Lao sheng, the farmer.
Lao sheng's beautiful
daughter qing yi
means the world to him.
(Atonal)
oh, fair daughter
our cow is sick
and delivers sour milk
Jade, pay attention
like the rest of us!
(Snores)
(Snorts)
(Sheepishly) Heh!
I am multi-tasking.
Now you are one-tasking!
Bwaaa!
That is
4,000 years old!
Excuse me!
Pardon me!
(Artifact rolls)
(Gasps) Wing!
(Rolling continues)
Um, meanwhile
We arrive at the castle,
where the villain,
also known as
the "jing," lives.
Bwaaaa!
Whoa! Where'd
Mr. creepers come from?
(Coyly) Uncle cannot
reveal old stage secret.
Uncle: Villainous jing
summons a powerful ghost,
and together they
terrorize farmer Lao.
Butt whoop?!
Now you're talkin'!
Jackie: Excuse me.
Oh! Pardon me.
Yes. Very exciting.
Jackie!
I'm trying to watch!
Ahh!
Everyone's favorite!
The clown provides
welcome comic relief.
Audience: Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha ha!
And cooler moves
than Jackie!
So, you think
uncle's old friend
calls him "uncle,"
too?
Chuckles, is that you?
Chuckles?!
Chuckles?!
Beetlebrow!
So, you remember
your nickname for me
after 60 years?
Ha ha ha!
Who can forget
those fuzzy caterpillars
living over your eyes?
And your
never-ending pranks
and gift
of laughter.
Is he talking
about the same guy?
So, you have come
to see my "family"
at work.
And to introduce
my family to you.
My nephew Jackie
Ah, yes!
Butterfingers.
Uh, hello. I have heard
so much about you.
I am sorry
I have to run.
I am mounting an exhibit
at the pacific Asia museum.
UhBye-bye.
Please excuse his manners.
(Proudly) And this
is my apprentice tohru.
(Video game pings)
(Clears throat)
This alarm tells me
I must tend to the shop now.
A pleasure meeting you.
And last, but not least,
my great-niece Jade.
Jade: Hey!
No trapdoors?
So, how do you do all that
passing-through-walls stuff?
Yoo-hoo! Anybody home?
True artisans never
reveal the secrets
of their stagecraft.
All part of the "magic"
of the theater.
Uncle told you so, Jade.
Youthful enthusiasm.
I remember a time when
we were brimming with it.
We trained very hard
in school
Though you, chuckles,
trained hardest in
the art of merry-making.
Ah! So much talent!
You might have become
the grandest clown
in this or
any other troupe
But you chose to abandon
the magic of the theater
for other kinds of magic
Turning your back on years
of study and brotherhood.
With great sorrow,
brother wing,
but I discovered
my true calling.
Jade: Hmm
So that's what
that's for! Heh!
It would seem
your proteges
possess the same
lack of respect for
the theater as you!
Ohh! Perhaps
this is my cue
to again take leave
of the opera!
And this time,
it shall be with
great pleasure!
But, uncle,
I never found out
how they do that secret
melting-through-walls thing.
Pfft! A cheap trick
called magic makeup!
What?!
(Yawns)
A typo? (Groans)
What?!
That is impossible!
Aah!
UhShouldn't you be
at the opera?
Another one?
(Grunting)
Waah!
Uhh!
No! Those are priceless!
don't they pay you
at the opera?!
(Groans)
Huhh!
Whooo!
Stop!
Hey, Jackie,
trying out for the opera?
Jade, what are you
doing here?
Thought you should know,
uncle's not himself.
He and wing-ding
had a falling out.
Jackie: Aah!
Which beats
falling down.
Uhh!
Uhh!
Jade, stay back!
They are thieves!
don't they pay them
at the opera?
All aboard
the magic bus.
Jackie: Wait!
(Panting)
Uhh!
Let me in!
Buck fifty.
But they didn't pay!
Let's put a wrinkle
in your hocus-pocus!
(Grunts)
Jade, how did you--
Jackie, hit the deck!
That's gonna
leave a mark.
Uhh!
(Sighs) Talk about
a hard act to follow.
Wing: Now, artisans,
once more from the top.
Ah! Have you
returned to apologize
for chuckles?
We have returned to accuse
your artisans of a crime.
What?!
These two abused
theater magic
in order to steal
a small fortune
in ancient artifacts
from the museum
last night.
My performers know
better than to use
sacred magic
outside the theater!
Perhaps the artifacts
are missing
because you dropped
them somewhere
Butterfingers.
(Sputters)
Or perhaps we
witnessed your ghost
suffer a black eye!
Yeah!
Yes! Aha!
Uh
Heh heh!
Heh!
Well?
It did not go well.
Well, it's obvious
mega-brow is
the ringleader of the gang.
No! Beetlebrow
may be a stubborn,
self-righteous,
intolerant mule
But I know him
to be honorable
and incorruptible.
He would never
tolerate criminals
in his company!
- But, uncle,
we saw them!
Promise me you will leave
matters to the police.
(Sighs) I promise.
Tch! That makes
one of us.
Uncle, why do you
insist on coming back
if wing upsets you?
Wing not important!
Uncle likes
good opera,
that is all.
(Clears throat)
Jade has been
in ladies' room
long time.
Did she fall in?
The stolen loot has to be
somewhere on the premises.
Ooh!
Magic makeup.
Cool!
Time to get the goods
on the gruesome twosome.
(Footsteps)
(Doorknob rattling)
(Gasps)
(Gasps)
Duh!
Aw, just that
singing farmer.
Well, do you think
the others suspect us?
HmmI am more concerned
with chuckles' nephew.
Wing: Quickly, artisans.
Curtain time nears!
Besides,
any suspicions
will first lead
to our fellow jings.
Just be prepared
to grab our cash cow
in the event
a quick getaway
becomes necessary.
The walls have ears
And eyes.
Jade: Psst!
Down here.
Aah!
Found our crooks.
Jade, what is going--
the bad guys only play
the villains off-stage.
On-stage, the bad guys
play the good guys!
In English, Jade.
Those guys are the thieves.
(Stage performance
musical fanfare playing)
Whoa! Talk about
your dedicated actors.
Their "cash cow."
That's it!
What is it?
Where they hide the loot.
Come on! They're gonna
try and bolt with it!
Jade, we can't
just go out there.
If uncle sees us
Uncle won't need
to know it's us.
You have to
be kidding.
(Atonal)
oh, fair daughter
our cow is sick
and delivers sour milk
what?! It is too early
for the clown's entrance.
Uh
I will take
the sick cow to a doctor
I do not recall
a second clown
in this opera.
The cow will feel
better in the castle
these are not the lyrics!
The cow must see
a doctor
both: the castle
a doctor
both: the castle
Jade: a doctor
duh
don't you goons
know anything
about proper
cow care?
who is that?!
Ohh!
Ai-yaaa!
We do not fight
a clown in this scene.
Apparently, I do.
I'm sorry. I will bring
this back. Thank you!
Brother wing, I--
so, the prankster
takes his revenge
on my opera!
I hope you are happy.
Jade: Uhh!
Audience: Ha ha ha ha!
Your oafish proteges
have dishonored
the sanctity
of my stage!
(Gasps)
What is the meaning of--
it would seem
the sanctity
of your stage
has been
previously dishonored.
And so, I take my exit.
Facial!
Uhh!
Clowning around
has its moments,
but I think I will stick
with my calling--
archaeology.
I was blind.
It was your proteges
who were the honorable ones.
We rock! Uh-huh!
I will always wish the opera
had kept you, my friend.
And that is my cue
to say good-bye.
One more thing.
I hope it will not
be another 60 years
before we meet
again, beetlebrow.
As do I, chuckles.
Hey, Jackie,
where did you live
when you were little?
My father put me through
the martial opera school.
One thing's difference--
we have to stay there,
live there, eat there.
So many different teachers
teach you how to dance,
kicking, punch, acrobatic,
all kind of things.
School is very,
very important.