The Suite Life of Zack & Cody s03e16 Episode Script

Cologne Fresh shirt.
Wow, maddie should come home from Antarctica more often.
Yeah, well, my woman's back, and I'm ready to resume my relationship.
You mean the one where you hit on her and she laughs? [Elevator dings.]
No.
The one where she sees me and says, "you know, you look a lot like Zach, only older and a lot better looking.
Clearly the cologne has gone to your head.
Hey, sweet thing.
Although it's been ages since I've seen you, now that you're back from saving the penguins, it's like you never left.
I never did.
Aaah! Aaah! Aaah! Aaah! Zach was expecting to see maddie, so he's disappointed that it's you.
I get that a lot.
It's nothing personal.
I--I like you, and I hope we can still be friends.
I get that a lot, too.
Hey, g-g-guys, I'm b-b-ack! Maddie! Oh, Zach! Don't let go of me.
I knew you'd miss me.
Actually, I'm still defrosting from Antarctica.
Hey, maddie, it's good to see you again.
Cody, hi! Better.
Warmer.
Maddie! Esteban! Hug! Here! Now! Ok.
Arwin! Don't be shy, get over here! Ooh, group hug! I love group hugs, especially with other people.
Hey, lady, come on, I could really use the heat! After her! Wow, she's fast! Here I am in your life here you are in mine yes, we have a suite life most of the time you and me, we got the world to see so come on down just me and you know what to do so come on down it's you and me and me and you we got the whole place to ourselves you and me, we got it all for free so come on down this is the suite life we've got a suite life Zach Everyone else let go I'm warm now.
Ok, but just for the record, you're not just warm, you're hot.
Ok, that deserves another hug, get over here! Um, uh, Zach! We have a little problem.
Not now.
[Scottish accent.]
Listen, Manny, do you take me for an idjiot? Me and the laddies come for a wee bit of beddy time with some kelpy gas me pipes! Do you know what I'm sayin'? [Scottish accent.]
No, laddie, I cannot say I do! Ah, [Indistinct.]
Real, Manny! Take a listen.
[Normal voice.]
Oh, I see, I see! Someone has ruined your bagpipes.
I am terribly sorry.
If you'll allow me, I'm sure we can-- no, wait, wait! Wait! Aah! Ugh! Why, you boggin' noopty gagee! Laddies, let's bring to another buffet! No, please don't bring! You won't find a better buffet in Boston! Oh, wait! Oh, oh! I have no idea how this could have happ-ened.
Oh, it was you, you wee beasties! Ugh! Oh, Madeline! Welcome home! Don't move.
Oh! It's so good to have you back.
All right, boys, let's talk.
Ok.
You know, I think the Red Sox have a pretty good chance this year.
No, I meant about the bagpipes! [Sighs.]
Sorry! In my defense, I didn't know it was a bagpipe.
I thought it was the new super squirter octopus, the one with 8 nozzles.
In my defense, I'm not Zach.
Oh! Hey, Millicent.
I'm maddie.
It's nice to meet you.
Hey, maddie.
London has told me a lot about you.
I don't think your hair is that hideous.
Hmm.
Thanks.
And, uh, you're not as high strung as London says.
Hey, Millicent-- aah! Oops.
Spoke too soon.
Hi, you must be maddie.
Your hair's not that hideous.
So I've been told.
And you must be nia.
Yeah.
I'm really looking forward to working with you.
Likewise.
Oh, if you'll just give me the register key, I'll take over my shift.
Um, well, actually, uh, it's my shift now, so can I have the key, please? Uh, heh, uh, you know, I know I've been away for a while, but, uh, this has always been my shift.
Key, please? It's my shift now.
Can I have the key, please? I've worked a long time for this shift.
It's mine.
Millicent, give me the key! Uh-uh! Uncle Marion gave it to me, so key! [Both yelling at once.]
Great.
See, look what you did.
This is your fault.
Girls, girls, girls! What is going on here? Hello, Millicent.
Mr.
Murphy, would you please explain to nia that this is my shift? Uh, no, it's not.
Mr.
moseby! I need my locker moved.
I am sick of Esteban's chicken pecking at my personal property! It is telly's way of telling you he likes you.
Obviously, telly's not a very good judge of character.
Ok.
Mr.
moseby, I have a complaint.
Yes? Last night, a certain maitre d' let his waiters clank their dishes through my entire set.
They were trying to hide the fact that there was no applause.
Oh.
All right, all right-- wait, can't this wait? Because Mr.
moseby's dealing with my issue right now.
Um, excuse me, there is no dealing, because this is my shift.
No, it is not.
Yes, this is my shift.
Moseby, moseby, nervous maddie just passed out again, cranky maddie isn't at the counter.
[Gasps.]
Hideous hair maddie, you're back! Suddenly I miss the frozen tundra.
Well, feel free to go back.
And take the Turkey with you.
Telly is a chicken.
I wasn't talking about him.
[All talking at once.]
Hey, gang.
Ooh, group bicker! I love group bickers! Especially with other people! I'm upset! Bicker, bicker, bicker! [High-pitched voice.]
Bicker, bicker, bicker! [Indistinct chatter.]
Oh, people! People, people, please, please! We are here to learn to treat each other with respect and dignity.
So shut up and listen! Now, I have brought in a gentleman who will help us improve our group dynamics.
Allow me to introduce Mr.
Sandy buttocks.
[Laughter.]
Uh, it's actually pronounced "boo-toe.
" It'sFrench.
Is it French for "buttocks?" [Laughter.]
Hi.
Hi.
I'm Carey.
I can't wait to put myself in your hands.
Back off, buttocks boy.
She's with me.
Arwin, sit.
See? She didn't ask you to sit! Ha ha! You are going to love this hotel a lot better than the St.
mark.
Oh, it's lucky I ran into you, young man.
It's unfortunate about the St.
mark.
Tsk, tsk, tsk.
Built on an ancient burial ground, you said? Yeah, they have a lot of problems over there.
Trees coming to life, tvs eating children! Whereas here, we have a free continental breakfast and the finest staff in all of Boston.
[Grunting.]
Ah.
And him.
How exactly did you get tangled in the phone cord? Well, it started when the phone rang, and from there, it was all downhill.
Hey, skippy, I've got a big convention for you to check in.
Hey, Zach, what are you doing? I'm doing the mature thing.
I'm making it up to moseby for losing all those guys in skirts.
Be sure to tell maddie.
You really think that's going to make maddie want to date you? Well, that and this moustache.
Yeah, it's hard to see in this lighting.
Or any lighting.
So, uh, what kind of convention is this? Oh, um, my colleagues and I are entomologists.
Here at the tipton, we don't care what kind of religion you are.
Actually, uh, entomologists study bugs.
Bugs? Back on the farm, we had all sorts of big, scary looking things-- startin' with grandpa.
[Yelling.]
You could slap a saddle on that thing and ride it all the way to the county fair! Co-workers are like family.
You--you don't get to choose them.
Oh! [Laughs.]
Well, in some cases, co-workers are family.
Mr.
moseby gave my shift to his niece.
Some might say it's nepotism! Mm, you mean niece-potism.
I'm about to give you a smack-motism.
Oh, why don't you stand up and do something about it? [Both yelling at once.]
This is good.
We're getting out our issues.
Good, yes, and when issues get out, we're gonna have a steel cage match.
Oh, I'll give you a steel-- you want this? You want this? Enough! [Speaking gibberish.]
Could we just get on with it, Mr.
buttocks? It's pronounced "boo-toe.
" I took French in high school.
Wow.
Which I'm sure wasn't very long ago.
Oh! Ha ha ha! All right, all right, let's move on to an exercise to help us with trusting each other.
It's not that lame old fall in thing, is it? It's not lame.
Hey, everyone, let's pair up.
Dibs on Carrie! I got her! Yes! You gotta be faster than that.
Ok, good.
All right, so now one person stands with their back to their partner.
I will say "go," and then you will trust that your partner will be there to catch you.
Oh, look, I really don't trust any of these people, so I'm just gonna do this by myself.
Here I go.
No, no, no.
[Thump.]
Ow.
[Gasps.]
I forgot to catch myself! Hey, squirrelly girl.
Looks like I'm stuck with you.
Come here.
Ok.
Everybody ready? Yes! Yeah.
Whatever.
Yay.
AndGo! Trust, trust, trust.
What's a matter, Millicent? Is there, uh, a problem? No, no problem.
Just don't want to fall.
Are you saying you don't trust me? Yes.
No.
Not just you.
I have trust issues, and abandonment issues and fear issues.
Can I just knock her down? I got this.
Arwin? Yes? I'm done falling.
Hmm? You can let go.
Oh, sorry.
Ahem.
I'd like 3 bags of chips, All I have is a hundred dollar bill, and I need my change in quarters.
[Thump.]
That's close enough.
It's fine.
I can't believe I'm face to antenna with a coleoptera esetari al borum! English? No, Latin.
It's a beetle that eats wood.
Right.
Now remember, Dr.
mantis said to keep the room warm for the bugs.
Got it.
I also ordered a hot fudge sundae.
For the bugs.
But somebody's got 8 arms and can't hold a spoon! Ha ha ha! Aahh! Aaah! Oh, oh, oh! Oh, no, oh, no! No, oh, no, the bugs are out! Quick, we gotta pick 'em up! Relax! If they're all stuck in this room, what are they gonna do? Open the door? Ha ha.
No, just eat it! Ok, ok.
Let's try a different exercise.
Ooh! How about jumping Jacks? I'll go get my stretchy pants.
Ok, not what I meant.
We are going to carry someone using just 2 fingers each.
You will be amazed at how easy tasks become when you work together! So, let's pick the smallest person here.
Millicent.
No, I don't want to be lifted up.
I'm short, I like being close to the ground.
Come on, Millicent, there's no "I" in "team.
" There is in "injury.
" Look, let's just get this over with.
We can either lift you up with 2 fingers, or I can knock you down with five.
Your choice.
Lift away! Hey, this isn't so bad.
It's actually fun.
Whee! There, see? When you put your faith in your co-workers, nothing bad can happen.
Who ordered the bagels? Ooh, bagels! Ok, ok, remember, if you see a bug, just, uh, put in the box and stay cool.
Right.
Aah! Sorry! [Softly.]
Aah! It's either a really big bug, or a tiny dog with a thousand feet! Aaah! Are you crazy? This is a priceless Malaysian millipede, mister! Ugh! Come any closer with that, and I'm going to millipee in my pants.
All right, all right.
Now all we need to do is find the Mexican red kneed tarantula, and all the South American wood-eating beetles.
What are you talkin' about? The bugs are in the room.
They just ordered a sundae.
Yeah, um, about that, they kind of escaped.
What do you mean by "kinda?" Like, if you don't help us find them, you're kind of going to lose your job.
Oh, no! Mr.
moseby's gonna be madder than grandma when someone somebody put slick 'em on her cane! Ok, ok, um, um, don't worry.
All we have to do is turn off all of the lights in the hotel and lure the beetles back to the room using flashlights.
Will that work? Well, yes.
Beetles are attracted to light.
And it would always help if we imitate their mating call.
What's it sound like? Like Zach when he's trying to impress a woman.
You want me to say, "hey, baby, "did you just break wind? 'Cause you're blowing me away!" No, no, no, the other one.
You mean [Clicking teeth.]
Bingo.
All right, I'll run down to the basement and turn off the main lights.
And, uh, and I'll get the flashlights! Right! Meanwhile, I'll go flirt with maddie.
Uh, Zach, um Zach: Maddie, I know you've always thought of me as a child, but take a look at me now.
There's a giant spider on your head! I feel the same way-- whoa, whoa, whoa! Yeah, a little freaky.
Oh, get it off, get it off, get it off! Mommy! Spider! Shouldn't you tell him the spider's off his head? [Yelling.]
Maybe later.
Ok, people.
The best way to understand a co-worker is byStepping into their shoes.
But I'm a dainty size 3, and maddie has the feet of sasquatch! He means we act like someone else to see their point of view.
For example, I'll be you.
Meet me, candy girl.
Even though you're busy, forget the other customers, because I'm more important.
Yay, me! Sorry, London, I can't right now, because I have to tell you a boring story about one of my weird relatives.
Do me a favor and pretend to listen, would you, while I go on and on and on wearing my really ugly clothes! Oh, and let's not forget, now that I'm back from saving the penguins, I want everyone to drop everything that they're doing, and do it the way that I want it.
And I'm nia.
I'm gonna make you do what I say 'cause I'm tough and can crush you like a grape! I was talking about another nia.
Uh-huh.
Oh, I'll do Patrick.
Well What's that? I suppose I could get you to finish dinner in time to see Carey Martin's show, but that would mean working hard.
All: Ooh.
[All talking at once.]
Which reminds me, Mr.
moseby, can I take something that's working perfectly well and do some convoluted thing to it until it breaks? [Laughs.]
Arwin, I don't think you're supposed to imitate yourself.
Ok, I thought I was doing Esteban.
No, no, Esteban is more like this.
"Oh, Mr.
moseby, "oh, can I have the day off? "Because my chicken has chicken pox, "and I can't feed him chicken soup "because he's a chicken! "Did I mention the fact that I have a chicken? [All talking at once.]
Oh, very well! [All talking at once.]
Good luck with that.
Oh, keep carrying those bags, Esteban, like a pack mule while I sit in my office talking to my mommy.
[All talking at once.]
This is a disaster! Oh, no! This is a disaster! Oh, man.
This is the fifth floor we've tried, and still no bugs.
Yeah, but Zach's clickin' has gotten better.
I'm not clicking.
Then who is? They are! Please tell me that carpet is moving! No, that's the bugs, and they've had babies.
And their babies had babies.
But look, they're following the light.
Go left.
Go right! [Laughs.]
Uh-oh.
Uh-oh! I think the battery's dead! What--what do we do? Don't worry, I'll protect you.
That one! That one! [Chomp.]
Run! [Screaming.]
Both: Whoa! I don't like the darkness.
No one can see my clothes.
Don't worry.
I'll just flip the switch on my handy-dandy pocket generator.
Oh, wow.
Why do you keep a generator in your pocket? Well, my handy dandy shoe generator was broken, so Well done, people! It is important in a crisis situation to remain calm.
Aaah! Bugs! Bugs in my hotel? Never! [All screaming.]
What do we do, what do we do? Every man for himself! [Yelling.]
He's no man! I'll save you, Carrie.
Ahh! Hi, how are you? Run! Oh, sorry.
Oh! Oh, boy, they're really big! But I'm not scared.
[Mouthing.]
Wait! I know these bugs.
We have swarms like this in my country the second Thursday of every month.
And how do you get rid of them? Ok, ok, the only way to get rid of them is to make the sound of their only natural predator, the great Mountain hog.
[Snorting.]
[All snorting.]
Patrick, that is the sound of the Russian Mountain hog.
Oh.
[Snorting deeply.]
Oh, that's better.
[All snorting.]
We're scaring them away! We're scaring them away! Well, don't scare them away! Scare them into the box.
[All snorting.]
Ooh-whee, that's some good bug wranglin', y'all! [All cheering.]
All right, all right! Now how did this happen? A bug convention.
We booked a bug convention? Yeah, I lured away a group of [Stammering.]
Bug freaks Away from the St.
mark to make up for losing the bagpipers.
Really? Whoo, ok.
I did a few yoga poses and now I am feeling better.
So let's continue with team building! Oh, I think not.
Those bugs did more to bring us together as a team than you ever did.
Yeah! Really? Well, in the 3 weeks since I earned my certificate, you are the worst team that I have ever led.
All: Oh! Yes.
I mean, you guys work together about as well as 8 monkeys with 7 bananas.
Really, can't work together, that's what you're saying? Mmm, well, I guess you haven't seen the tipton toss.
Everybody, 2 fingers.
Aah! [Yelling.]
Disney abc cable networks group [crash.]
Look, he landed on his boo-toe!