Jackie Chan Adventures (2000) s03e17 Episode Script

1
This is a little much.
Here, here.
Kudos to the j-team!
El toro fuerte,
the masked wrestler.
Tohru, sumo-
extra-ordinaire.
Viper, the former thief
turned museum's best friend.
And of course, the brains
who put the "j" into j-team--
Jade, and her trusty
sidekick Jackie.
Ahem.
- Huh?
I'm sorry,
young lady,
the kid's corner
is right this way.
But I'm the fifth member
of the j-team!
Who do think
wrote your copy?
Look, yade.
Crayons!
Grr!
And it's Jade,
paco.
Of course, we are here
to celebrate the j-team
and the stolen artifacts
they recovered.
So without further ado,
our newly reinstated
collection of Jade!
(All gasp)
But where's
the yade?
It's been jacked. Duh!
And it's Jade.
Who wants to bet this
is the work of the creep
who stole the Jade
in the first place?
Seor Chang?
Not likely.
Chang's been
doing hard time
in the federal pen
since you all
put him there.
Well, if not
captain hook, who?
The museum's surveillance
footage is about to tell us.
(Camera shutter clicks)
(Click)
(All gasp)
So, uh
Who's the babe?
Really, I appreciate
you guys giving me
the benefit of the doubt.
I'm sorry, viper.
You know
I have no choice.
Tch. Hello?
Viper's
a former thief,
accent
on "former."
I have to admit
we have been through
too much with viper.
I cannot believe
she would resort
to her old ways.
But the tape--
viper's face--
let me assure you:
My agents
will be on this 24/7
until we uncover
the truth.
Well, what are we
waiting for, team?
Let's get the vipester
off the hook.
Jade, what
are we looking for?
A crumb, a follicle,
an eyelash,
any little thing
that'll prove
viper's been framed
for swiping the Jade.
Why was this Jade
not stolen?
Because it would take a man
of my strength to lift it.
Then did miss viper
steal just the hand?
It was
the only piece
of the collection
we were not
able to recover.
Because it's still attached
to old Chang's elbow, paco.
Hmm.
A fine example of
pre-aztec lucha libre.
(Alarm blares)
All: El toro?!
What has gotten
into you?
Hold this,
por favor.
Uhh!
You are in cahoots
with viper? Unh!
Not the stairs!
Uhh--uhh--uhh
Uhh!
(Crash)
(Growls)
(Gasps)
El toro?
A criminal?
Tch. Think again.
Uhh!
El toro,
what are you doing?
The fuerte fandango.
Uhh!
Huuup!
I smell a rat
in bull's clothing.
El toro fuerte
never removes his mask.
Eww!
Whoa!
Uhh!
If he is a phony,
where is
the real El toro?
(Muffled)
Huh?
Oh, boy.
So soon?
So that's why you
never remove your mask.
Just fooling,
handsome.
A frame-up
seems to be the most
logical explanation.
Why else go to
the trouble of creating
such perfect imposters?
Even I could not
tell the difference.
Do you know
what this means?
If there's a villain
out there
who recognizes us
as a team,
then we're
big time!
Considering
the evidence
acquitting viper,
I've decided
to bring Chang in
for questioning
after all.
He's the only one
with a motive.
And what about
theUh, mask?
(Sighs) Nada.
The lab says
its constituent parts
aren't based
in any science we know.
Then maybe it's time
to bring in
The man from uncle.
Aiyaaa!
Uncle, I'm glad you--
what could be so important
that you drag uncle
out of mah-jongg tournament?!
I will pin
all of you to the mat.
With what arms,
El fake-o?
We need your
expert advice--
aiyaaa!
Why did you not drag uncle
from tournament earlier?
This mask is clearly
a product of dark forces.
Really, captain black.
You pull me out of prison
to accuse me
of orchestrating a plan
from inside prison
that I couldn't possibly do
unless I was outside prison?
I'll ask
the questions here.
What's the deal, Chang?
How are you
pulling it off?
Come now, captain.
As much as I would enjoy
having revenge on the j-team
for retrieving
the precious Jade
I worked so hard to steal,
you know my every move
is monitored.
I'm sure your people are
even aware of the flavor
of my chewing gum.
What?
- Spearmint, Jackie.
No! His hand!
He has 2!
What are you
talking about?
Chang has 2 hands
because that
is not really Chang.
It is his
magical duplicate.
You mean we're
dealing with clones?
Aiyaa!
Who said anything
about clowns?
We are facing forces more
powerful than the circus!
I regret to inform you
that your clone
counterpart has
been discovered, sir.
Then it is time
to proceed to phase 2.
Is the next clone
ready, yip?
Hmm. And in position
outside section 13.
Chang: Then one by one,
the j-team
will be replaced
and eliminated.
So, are we off
to the top-secret
meeting about the clones?
Jade, the meeting
is for team members only.
Right.
Race ya there.
Hey, think
I have a clone?
Duh!
Of course I do.
It's the only
surefire way
for them to take out
the brains of the team.
Just what I need--
another Jade.
Bwaa!
Oh.
I must have clones
on the brain.
Hmm.
Was there always
a mirror here?
Ha.
Uhh.
Blablabalbalabla.
Oh, silly me.
Hey, Jackie.
Hello.
Oh! Ugh!
(Groans)
Daaahhh!
Going down?
(Blows)
Daaahhhh!
Do not worry.
You will
not be missed.
Duplicates
are imperfect.
They contain flaws
like Chang's extra hand,
but each
is more powerful
than its human
counterpart,
due to its magic.
Oh, we can
take 'em, unc.
We'll face off
in an epic
battle royale.
Human versus clone,
good versus evil,
Jade versus Jade.
You miss uncle's point!
Magic must defeat magic.
Look who decided to show.
Heh. Sorry I'm late.
Hmm, now
one more thing.
We must be very watchful
for these
defective duplicates.
(Breathes rapidly)
Uncle!
We must watch out for--
it is Jackie's clone!
Huh? No! Wait!
Ohh!
I am me!
He is not me!
Tricky clone, isn't he?
Which is
the real Jackie chan?
I have a little quiz
only the real Jackie
could answer.
Jackie,
when is my birthday?
Oh, uh
- Oh, uh
Gee, Jackie.
I thought we were
pretty good friends.
Ahem. Hey, Jackie.
Will you take me
to moose world
this weekend?
Of course.
- Not!
You have
homework.
There's your clone.
I'm sorry. I'll be back
to destroy you later.
Thank you!
Not to worry.
Jackie's clone
will lead us
right to Chang himself.
You see, I planted
a little tracking device
on his
Collar.
Cheer up, chief.
I managed to place
a tracker on the clone.
(Clears throat)
Then let's
move out, team.
No one is moving out!
There may yet be
a clone among us.
A bit excessive,
don't you think?
Do you want duplicate
to attack uncle
when it is discovered?
No? Then sit quietly.
Uh, viper,
did you always
have that mole?
Hey, if you
want to start--
let us not accuse
one another.
Any one of us
might be a clone--
eh, except for me.
Hey!
Doesn't anyone think
I might be a clone?
All: No.
I'm not feeling
the love here.
If a duplicate
is among us,
fish will glow.
(Chanting)
If I were a clone,
would I know it?
Tohru is
the only j-team clone
we have not encountered.
Then I am a clone.
(Sobs) I am so sorry.
Fish does not lie.
Ah, thank you, fish.
Excellente!
(Without accent)
They are not clones, Jade!
Um, what did you
call me?
Your name, of course.
Jade.
That's what I thought.
Let me see that.
(All gasp)
Paco has a clone,
and I don't?
Way unfair!
We are
- in great danger.
Paco, please.
Say it is not so.
But it is,
and now I will
destroy you all.
Mwa ha ha ha ha!
Ungh!
Uh, I'll be
just a moment.
Ungh!
Unh, almost got it.
Uncle, how
do you stop it?
Uncle has not yet
researched that part!
But, El toro,
you cannot harm me.
You are the greatest.
I cannot.
(Grunts) How about now?
(Gasps)
Whaaaaa!
Unh!
(Grumbles)
Uh, someone want
to help me with this?
Is that
the best you have?
If this thing
is a clone,
then where
is the real paco?
El toro, where are you?
Looks like Chang's returned
to his old stomping grounds.
If seor Chang has harmed
one hair on paco's head
He is big.
Jade clone,
10 o'clock.
Where?
Oh. You mean me.
Jade, we left you
at section 13
for a reason.
How did you
find us here?
Tracking device.
(Grumbles)
Tracking device.
Look!
Paquito.
How do we get past them?
Duh.
You think
they can tell
we're not clones?
Remember!
Think like a clone.
(Robotic)
I am tohru's clone.
Are you all right?
Uh, fine. You?
Master Chang
requires your presence.
We'll guard the hostage.
My brave hombre.
Jade, can you believe
even I have a clone?
Ha ha. Yeah.
Pretty awesome.
How convenient.
The entire j-team
in one spot,
which ought
to facilitate
your group demise
rather nicely.
How did you do it, Chang?
Magic was never your m.O.
All it takes
is a little
collaboration
with a master
of the dark arts
and a grudge.
Clones!
Where's mine?
Ok, team.
Let's rock!
What's the kid doing here?
(Sighs)
She never listens.
Ok, team.
What my clone said.
Grrr!
Hold it, big fella.
It's me.
Oh, sorry.
Gotcha. Hee-yah!
Hi-yah!
Oof!
Got you.
Wedginator!
Eep!
Raaah!
El toro: Grrrr!
Vaaah!
Aah!
Oof!
Wrong one!
Sorry.
(Cell phone rings)
Hello?
Jackie, I have devised
way to defeat clones.
Let me speak
to my apprentice.
Uh, it is for tohru.
This is tohru.
Tohru, like the originals,
the duplicates
are naturally good.
An additional spell was
required to make them evil.
On an interesting
side note--
very compelling, but--
ooh!
Uncle: Which
is why your mother
has terrible manners.
Sensei, please.
The spell.
Uncle is
getting to that!
Maybe
you didn't know
I'm a master
of the ancient art
of butt whup.
Chi-yah!
Ha! Chi-yah!
Ha!
Whoa--ohh.
Maybe you didn't
know the original
is always better
than a copy.
Ohh.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Ok, got it.
(Chanting)
All is quiet, sir.
Then the j-team
is no more?
My clones
are far more powerful
than their
human counterparts.
Huh?
- Huh?
Jade and Jade clone:
Let's rock, team--wha!
Jackie and Jackie clone:
Jade, leave this
to the grownups.
Ohh!
- Ohh!
The j-team
has done it again, Jade.
Both: Teams, paco.
The j-teams,
and it's Jade.
Unh.
Just what I need.
Another j-team.
Hey, Jackie.
Are you afraid
of the dark?
Yes and no.
Sometimes when I'm walking
in a very dark, dark place,
there's somebody--
just tell me
the ghost story.
As long as I'm
not doing bad things,
always helping people--
wherever I go,
I don't scare dark anymore.