Happy Days (1974) s03e18 Episode Script

1
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪
Ready to race to you ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪Oh, baby ♪
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪
Rocking and rolling all week long ♪
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
Saturday, what a day ♪
Groovin' all week with you ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪
Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, baby ♪
These happy days are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪
Movin' and a-groovin', rockin' and a rollin' ♪
Happy Days is filmed before a live audience.
Okay, where's Potsie?
We have to rehearse.
He was supposed to be here a half an hour ago.
Hey.
Cunningham, I've been looking for you.
Listen, I'm going out of town a few days, you know?
If you see some girls hanging around my door,
get their number, tell them to wait by that phone.
All right. Where you going, Fonz?
Huh? Where you going?
I'm going to the Powder Puff Derby.
You in the Powder Puff Derby?
Yeah. That's for girls.
Oh, it's for guys, too, huh?
That's right.
Yeah, Pinky Tuscadero is racing.
I'm going to be in her pit crew.
You're going to change her tires, Fonz?
I'm going to spark her plugs, Ralph.
Sit down. All right.
Hey, are you going to be able to make it back in time
to see our band play at the dance?
Would I miss that for the world?
Am I not your biggest fan, huh?
Yeah. Yeah. Have you seen Pots around?
Oh, yeah, he's in the parking lot doing weird things.
Weird things?
Yeah, he's walking in circles,
mumbling to himself.
What's he mumbling about?
How should I know?
I don't listen to him when he talks normal.
All right, and as for me, Pinky awaits, huh?
I'll catch you guys later.
All right, Fonz. All right, Fonz.
Ah, see you, Fonz.
Whoa!
Now that is what I call decoration.
Potsie mumbling?
Of course. He's got something bad to tell us,
and he's afraid to come in.
Why do you always jump to conclusions?
Because you can't count on him for anything.
He's such a Potsie.
See, look at him. Watch he's got a sore throat
and won't be able to sing. You'll see.
Hi, guys. Yeah, hey, Pots. Are you ready to rehearse?
Oh sure, I'm ready to rehearse.
Yeah, good. You see? But I got a problem.
Look out! What did I tell you? You can't count on him.
I can't help it. It's my rich uncle Wilbur.
He wants me to go to his Alma mater, Notre Dame,
and my dad doesn't want to offend him,
so they're dragging me up to the campus this weekend.
What are we going to do?
We have to play the dance Saturday night,
and we have no singer!
Yeah, well, don't tell Arnold about it.
I don't want to lose this, job.
I'm counting on my share of the money.
I already spent my share.
Shame on you, Potsie.
What do you mean, "Shame on you, Potsie?"
Hold it!
Okay. Why, uh Why don't no rehearsing?
Arnold's should be alive with the sound of music.
Where's the singing?
Okay, now hold it!
You boys up to something?
Come on now, hold it, hold it, v!
Now, Arnold not born yesterday.
I counting on you for Saturday night.
I give you that advance, remember?
Arnold, have we ever let you down?
I not dumb enough to ever give you the chance before.
Ooh, ooh, wah-ooh, ooh, wah, wah, wah, wah. ♪
Isn't anybody going to help me think
of a new singer for my group?
You want me to lose all that money?
How about Bertha Brodski? Oh, Marion.
The lady who sings in the church choir?
Mom, we don't do very many hymns.
Hey, I could do my impression of Frankie Laine.
Mule train, ha! Mule train, ha! ♪
Clippity clop. Clippity clop ♪
Marion! She started it.
Well, I'm stopping it.
Come on. Let's go to the movies.
Well, Richard, are you sure that you don't want to come?
No, no, Mom. I'm going to stay here
and try and think of something.
Suit yourself. Okay.
Come on. You know, they won't let us be seated
once the picture starts.
Oh, hi, Ralph. How you doing?
Oh, we're fine.
Look, we're in kind of a rush. We're going to the movies.
Oh? What are you going to see?
Psycho.
Wow! What an ending!
Tony Perkins is his own mother!
Well, I guess we can just see Mister Roberts instead.
Oh, you'll love it.
I cried when he died.
What do you say we go for a ride, huh?
We're going for a ride, Ralph.
Did you see that?
What's with Howie?
Rich, you're not going to believe what just happened.
What happened?
Arnold found out about Potsie not singing.
He's trying to hire another group.
We're blowing this job!
You're kidding. That's great.
The situation looks pretty desperate, doesn't it?
Yeah. Yeah.
Well, it's Ralphie to the rescue.
I got another singer. It's a biggie.
Who? Who did you get?
I'll tell you on the way to Arnold's.
We've got to get there before he hires another group.
Well, I was going to stay here
and watch Double Indemnity on TV.
Forget it.
Fred MacMurray gets shot and dies in the hallway.
Hey, wait, Ralph.
What about Cinderella?
The shoe fits.
No, I don't want Irving and the Inner Tubes.
I want the Everly Brothers.
Who? Bob Dylan?
I never heard of him.
You get me a big name. A star!
Arnold! Arnold!
Arnold, get off the phone.
We've got big news!
Oh, don't bother me now.
I'm trying to get a new group.
No. Wait. Don't do anything hasty, Arnold.
Arnold, we've got an idea for another singer.
Who you got that anybody want to hear?
You got nobody.
Oh, yeah? Nobody?
Picture this on the sign:
"Senior Dance, featuring
as Special Guest Vocalist, Arthur Fonzarelli!"
Fonzie going to sing?
Fonzie is going to sing?
That'll be great!
No, wait. It's not set yet. It's not
Where can we buy the tickets?
I don't need anybody. I got Fonzie.
Can you believe that? Fonzie's going to sing!
Ba, ba, ba ♪
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
Whoo yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
Whoo, whoo, whoo, whoo. ♪
Where are they?
They should have been here by now.
Richie was supposed to pick Fonzie up 20 minutes ago.
Maybe the train was late.
I sure hope we can talk him into singing.
I mean, we're really out on a limb.
They're going to kill us if Fonzie doesn't sing.
I hope he gets here soon,
so I can give him some lessons, you know?
La, la, la, la, la, la la ♪
Hey, what are you guys doing here?
Looking for leftover girls?
Where's Richie?
I give up. Where's Richie?
He's picking you up at the train station.
I didn't take the train. Pinky gave me a ride.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I need some sleep.
Oh, well, how did you do, Fonz?
Hey, we won.
And we had an exhausting victory party, if you get my drift.
Yeah.
Yeah, we get it, Fonz,
but we got to ask you something.
Yeah? Well, you got to ask me a little later
because I need my sleep.
Now, get out of here.
Oh, but it's a big surprise, Fonz.
Yeah? What surprise?
Well, look, Fonz.
Huh?
This is a very becoming picture, but what is this,
some kind of prank?
No, Fonz, no.
You see, it's not a prank.
Potsie can't sing with us
because he's going to be out of town,
and we thought you would like to sing with us.
Come on, Fonz. It'll be great.
Arnold's selling tickets to everyone.
I knew he'd love it!
So you're going to sing. Right, Fonz?
Of course he'll sing.
The Fonz and I are on the same wavelength.
Yeah.
Should I take this as a no?
Fonzie, you got to sing.
Hey, I don't got to do nothing!
Yeah, but, you see, we already
told everyone that you would sing.
Well, then, just un-tell them.
You see how easy problems are solved?
But why won't you sing with us, Fonz?
No, I don't think that's the question.
The question is, why would I?
Well, I'll tell you why, Fonz.
Yeah. Because because
you'll become a star. So?
Well, look at this, Fonz.
There are stars all over the world
who aren't as cool as you are.
Look at Frankie Avalon.
Is he as cool as you? No.
How about Fabian? No.
Is Elvis as cool?
Elvis is close.
Okay, Fonz, just imagine this: Yeah.
It's opening night.
The Fonz at Carnegie Hall.
A chauffeured limousine pulls up to the curb.
Yeah. A Rolls-Royce.
A white Rolls-Royce.
Hey, hey, hey. Silver, silver.
Silver. Right. Yeah.
The police hold back the crowd,
you get out, the fans go crazy.
Yeah. Wait a minute. What am I wearing?
What am I wearing?
White tie and tails.
Oh, yeah? I can handle that. First class all the way.
Okay. For the Fonz, they roll out the red carpet.
Yeah. Nothing but the best. Here he comes.
Stars come by to wish you luck.
Yeah. Who's there, Ralph?
Marilyn Monroe, Yeah.
Elvis, Sinatra.
Hey, Frankie, baby! Whoa!
Then the houselights go down.
The mood is perfect.
You can hear a pin drop.
"Ladies and gentlemen,
Carnegie Hall is proud to present The Fonz!"
A spotlight hits you on center stage!
The fans go crazy!
All right, all right, all right, all right!
Hey, I can handle that.
Then it's settled.
I'll teach you how to sing.
I can't handle that!
Get out of here.
Wait a minute, Fonz.
You don't understand.
I didn't explain the whole thing to you.
Are you crazy?
I didn't mean it. I didn't mean it, Fonz.
Okay, let me just ask you something, Fonz.
Fonz, would you want to deprive the world of your talent?
No. That would be mean.
Oh, come on, Fonz. Come on. You'll do it, right?
All right, what the heck, Ralph?
It's another world to conquer.
Great. We'll start with breathing lessons.
Hey, tomorrow you start with breathing lessons.
Tonight, I get some sleep. Now, excuse me.
Great. Thanks, Fonz. That's terrific.
I got to brush my teeth.
The Fonz don't sleep unless his breath is sweet.
Okay, Fonz, this is a chart showing how your mouth is formed
when you make certain sounds.
Oh, yeah? I think I know her.
Okay, let's try this one here.
Now, watch me. Aaahhh!
Aaayyh!
That's what it says, man, "Aaayyh."
Yeah. We'd better try another sound, huh?
Yeah. Okay.
Fonz, we'll try this one here now, okay?
Now, watch me. Yeah.
Ohhhh!
Ehhhh!
No, no, little more now. Come on.
A little more. Don't touch my mouth.
No one touches the Fonz's mouth.
But you got to learn how to enunciate.
You can bet no one ever touched Elvis's mouth.
Ralph! He won't touch you anymore.
He'll give you lessons from a distance.
Hey, I don't care if he teaches me from Pikes Peak!
It didn't take me seven years to learn how to fix my bike.
It didn't take me seven years to learn how to fix cars.
And, as for girls, hey, ho!
Okay, the Fonz is right.
Fonzie has natural talent at everything.
Why should this be any different?
We'll just play something,
and the Fonz will jump in when he wants to.
Now, that is reasonable. All right.
Hey, Shirley, Laverne, get in here!
So, what's the big surprise, Fonz?
It'd better be good.
We've been standing outside for a long while.
This is your big surprise.
I'm singing, you're harmonizing.
Now, get up here. Be my background.
Look. Wait a minute, Fonz.
Why do we need? Why do we need them?
I mean, we sing background.
Oh, no, man. See, girls are very important to my image.
They loom large in my mystique.
Hey, Fonz, singing backup for
a senior dance isn't a big thrill.
Hey, let, me tell you something, Vernie.
Singing here at Arnold's is just a short step
all the way to Carnegie Hall.
Wow! And is that a classy place.
They don't even serve beer there.
Come on, Fonz. You said a big surprise.
When are we going to go out
on that great date that you've been promising me?
All right, I'll put a night aside.
When? Soon.
How soon? Friday.
Where we gonna go?
Wherever I say.
Now, get up here.
Maestro, hit it!
Ready.
Doo wop, wop ♪
Doo wop, wop ♪
Doo wop, wop ♪
Doo wop. ♪
Everything okay, Fonz?
Oh yeah, yeah, everything's all right.
I just need a little more warm-up, that's all.
Mi-mi-mi. ♪
Doo-wops were great, girls.
Thank you. Thank you.
All right, let's hit it one more time. Let's go.
Doo wop, wop ♪
Doo wop, wop ♪
Doo wop, wop ♪
Doo wop. ♪
Uh, I think those doo-wops need more rehearsal, that's all.
Hey, Fonz, what's wrong? Hey, nothing is wrong.
But the dance is tonight.
I know the dance is tonight. I don't want to over-rehearse.
I'll be here for my debut. Girls, let's get out of here.
You were flat. I was not.
You were flat. ♪
I was not. ♪
You're telling me about singing?
I was the one in the glee club.
You were a mouther.
This is so exciting, huh?
All those people They come to see the Fonz,
come to eat my food.
Okay, my food here, where's Fonzie?
Don't worry, Arnold, he'll be here any second.
Oh, boy, I hope so. They getting restless.
Stay back.
Oh, we had to come in the back
way, it was so jammed out there.
Fonz, hurry up and get into your costume.
Yeah, I'll tell you something, Arnold,
I didn't know your place held so many people.
There are a lot of people out there.
Oh yeah, see, I put a loudspeaker
in the parking lot to handle the overflow.
Oh, but you pack them in, Fonzie.
They all come here to see you.
I'm amazed you're not more nervous.
Yeah Yeah, boy,
If I was in your shoes, I'd be scared stiff.
Arnold, don't, don't you have something
to do in the kitchen or something?
Oh, yeah, yeah, in the kitchen, yeah.
Boy, I so busy, I got to send out for food.
You girls eat later.
You'd better go ahead and get dressed, Fonz.
Hey, I want to talk to you in my office.
Okay, we can talk while you're getting dressed.
This is pretty exciting, huh?
Oh, yeah, it's real exciting, yeah.
Hey, Fonz
What is it, Fonz?
You want to go over the order
of the songs you're going to sing?
I'm not singing any songs. What?
Oh, come on, let's face it Cunningham, who's kidding who?
I'm not a singer!
Singing's a specialty; It might take weeks before I'm great.
Big deal. I mean, so you're not the greatest.
We're not that terrific either, Fonz.
Yeah, but I am the Fonz.
You can be, eh Your whole life is, eh
Who cares?
I've got a reputation to uphold.
But what am I going to tell all those people out there?
All right, all right, tell them that I can't sing
'cause of, uh, doctor's orders.
Doctor's orders?
That's right, tell them my throat is scratchy.
Oh, come on, Fonz. I got laryngitis.
Laryngitis? Yeah.
Oh, man, I never thought I'd see the day
that the Fonz chickened out.
Hey! Hey, watch it, Fonzie, you'll strain your throat.
Right.
All right, I'm going to go out there
and I'm going to tell those people that
the Fonz can't sing because he's a chicken!
We want Fonzie! We want Fonzie!
- Why didn't I kill him?
- We want Fonzie!
I'm not chicken. We want Fonzie!
I'm just shy, that's all. We want Fonzie!
We want Fonzie! We want Fonzie!
We want Fonzie! We want Fonzie!
May I have your attention, please.
I'm afraid I have some bad news.
Fonzie
slipped in the bathroom and hit his head on the sink.
There goes my Friday night.
Wait, don't panic, don't panic.
Please return to your seats.
Fonzie is going to be okay.
It's just that he won't be able to sing tonight.
To you, this is okay?
So, instead we have Ralph Malph.
Don't worry, He's good. You'll like him.
He's pretty good.
Uh, he's going to do his famous impression of Al Jolson!
But I didn't bring my black face.
Want me to mouth the words?
Well, come on, Laverne, they don't need us.
Hey, hey, hey, hold, hold it, hold it!
Nobody leave!
I can't give back all the money!
Who's going to sing?
Who? I. What?
Uh, uh, "By the Light of the Silvery Moon."
You got that, guys? You going to play.
What key?
Uh, Asia Minor, I don't care.
The girls going to sing backup,
and we're going to knock 'em dead.
You go ahead and introduce us. Okay.
Uh, ladies and gentlemen,
we have a, uh, a very special attraction
straight from the kitchen Uh our very own Arnold!
And direct from the bottle-capping department
of the Shotz's Brewery,
we have Laverne DeFazio and Shirley Feeney.
Arnold, and the Arnoldettes!
Thank you, thank you.
Thank you very much.
By the light ♪
Of the silvery moon ♪
Not the sun, but the moon ♪
I want to spoon ♪
Not a fork, but a spoon ♪
With my honey, I'll croon ♪
Love's tune ♪
Hold it, hold it, hold it.
All right, listen, that's nice.
Uh, I recovered.
I'm going to take a shot at this, huh?
If I make a fool out of myself, it's on your head.
All right.
Introduce me.
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm very proud to introduce
a courageous man, a quick healer
and a unique song stylist, the one, the only the Fonz!
Uh, listen, I'm going to sing, uh, somebody's favorite.
I hope it's your favorite; It ain't mine.
All right, maestro, hit it, one, two
Uh, Since my baby left me,
Uh, I found a new place to dwell,
Uh, it's down at the end of Lonely Street.
Uh, it's called Heartbreak Hotel.
I-I-I feel so lonely, baby,
I feel so lonely,
Yeah, uh listen, the place is always crowded,
uh, but you can always find some room.
Yeah, to cry there, and tear there
with you uh broken-hearted tune.
Oh, yeah!
Oh, I feel so lonely, baby,
I feel so lonely, I could die.
Yeah.
All right, now the bellhop
His tears are flowing whoa
I want to tell you that the desk clerk
he's dressed in black whoa!
Yeah, I want to tell you that they've been there so long.
They ain't never coming back whoa!
Heartbreak Hotel, baby.
Oh, I feel so lonesome, baby.
Oh, I feel so lonely, baby,
My heart, my heart is an open book.
There's a big draft going through it whoa!
Knock yourselves out, girls, knock yourselves out.
Whoo!
Well, since I left my baby ♪
I found a new place to dwell ♪
It's down at the end of Lonely Street ♪
Called Heartbreak Hotel ♪
Oh, baby, I got to tell you something ♪
Oh, my heart is so lonely, baby ♪
Oh, my heart is so lonely, baby ♪
My heart is so lonely, baby, I could die whoa. ♪
The coast is clear, Fonz.
They tore all my fringes off.
This is the first time in history
I couldn't control girls.
Yeah, well, don't worry, you really helped us out,
and next week Potsie's going to be back to sing with us.
Here, Fonz, we saved you some fringes.
Laverne, give him your fringes.
No.
Laverne, give him your fringes.
These are valuable.
We could make big money off of these.
Uh, excuse me, Fonz.
Could I have them fringes back?
Hey, sure, Shirley.
Thank you. Yeah.
Good night, Fonz. We'll see you Friday, okay? Yeah.
Thanks.
About how much do you think we can get for these fringes?
See? Now it's we, now it's we.
Hey, Fonz, do you think I could leave now?
I made a date when they were ripping you apart.
I told them I was your manager.
Yeah? What did you tell them, Cunningham?
Nothing.
You see? That's why you're, uh
All right, yeah, take off, have a good time.
Thanks, Fonz.
I promised her a fringe.
Oh, here you go.
All right, thanks a lot.
Knock yourself out.
Patty, here I come, I got some fringes!
Listen, Cunningham, you got to do me a favor.
Oh sure, Fonz.
I've got to get out of here, right? All right.
Take off your cardigan, all right? Oh, okay.
Here, put on my jacket. Okay.
I want you to stand here just like that Yeah?
And pretend you're me, they'll look at you, right?
Oh, okay.
Hey, what about my hair?
Right here, wear the helmet. Oh, all right.
Look at what I'm reduced to.
It's all right, for an evening, I'll be you.
Oh, golly, oh, gee-whiz.
Well, see you, Richie. Golly, gee-whiz.
Hey, thanks.
It's the Fonz. He waved to us!
Oh, they really think I'm the Fonz.
If I went out there, I'd be in big trouble.
They'd chase me, they'd knock me down
a hundred girls would jump on me.
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪
Oh, happy days ♪
These happy days are yours and mine, Happy Days. ♪
Good-bye gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪
Rockin' and rollin' all week long ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪Oh, baby ♪
These happy days are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪