The Brady Bunch (1969) s03e18 Episode Script

1
Here's the story
Of a lovely lady
Who was bringing up
Three very lovely girls
All of them had hair of gold ♪
Like their mother
The youngest one in curls ♪
It's the story of a man named Brady ♪
Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪
They were four men living all together ♪
Yet they were all alone ♪
Till the one day
when the lady met this fellow ♪
And they knew that it was
much more than a hunch ♪
That this group
must somehow form a family ♪
That's the way we all
became the Brady Bunch ♪
The Brady Bunch
The Brady Bunch
That's the way we became
the Brady Bunch. ♪
( Tires screech )
Mom! Alice!
Mom! Alice!
Mom! Alice?
Mom! Dad!
Alice?
Mom?
Dad?
Isn't anybody home?
GREG: Bobby, I'm on the phone.
Yeah, Rachel, I met you at the
school cafeteria the other day.
No, I wasn't spaghetti and meatballs.
I was barbecued ribs.
Right! Greg, guess what happened!
I was sitting right across from you.
I chinned myself five times!
Brown hair, blue eyes. Didn't you hear?
I let you have my rib.
Didn't you hear me?
I chinned myself five times!
Can't you see I'm on the phone?
Yeah, but I'm I didn't
get a chance to talk to you
because I had to go to basketball
I'm the only one in my class
that can do that many chin-ups.
Hold on a second.
That's pretty good for a kid your size.
But not now I'm on the phone!
Sorry, Rachel.
Listen, I can't get over
to the library right now.
I'll call you again tonight, okay?
Bye-bye.
I'm gonna keep practicing.
By the end of the week,
I'll be able to chin seven
or maybe eight times.
That'd be pretty good.
Yeah, that'd be pretty good.
Pretty good?
It's sensational!
Now let's not get carried away.
I can do twice as many chin-ups,
but I don't go around
yelling my brains out about it.
I bet you a million dollars
you can't do twice as
many chin-ups as I can.
I wish you had a million dollars.
I'll bet you a thousand.
Will you stop being ridiculous?
You're just chicken.
You won't bet me because
you know you'd lose.
Bobby, keep it cool, huh?
Then bet me.
By the end of the week,
you can't do twice as
many chin-ups as I can.
Okay, wise guy, you got yourself a bet.
Great!
What do you want to bet?
I know.
You have to do everything
I tell you to do for a whole week.
Okay.
And if I win, you have
to do whatever I tell you.
Right.
It's a bet. Shake on it.
Come on, I'll play you a game of 21.
I can't I've got to train
for my big bet with Greg.
What kind of bet?
The loser has to do
whatever the winner tells him
for a whole week.
A whole week? Wow.
What did you bet on?
By the end of the week,
I bet he can't do
twice as many chin-ups as I can.
( Exhales )
How many can you do?
How do I know?
It isn't the end of the week yet.
Hey, that looks pretty heavy.
Don't worry, I can lift it.
( Breathes deeply )
( Grunts )
( loudly ): Hello?
CAROL: Hi, honey!
Hi, sweetheart.
( Sighs )
Anything good in here?
No. Just a few bills.
Yeah, you can have those.
No, thank you.
Hey, here's something
from Fremont High School.
That's me ol' Alma mater.
They want their diploma back.
Yeah, very funny.
Let's see.
Aha, I am cordially invited
to the 20th reunion
of my graduating class
Saturday night.
Oh, that's great.
We're free Saturday.
High school wow.
That's going way back there.
I wonder if Smasher Duran
will be there. Smasher?
Yeah, we had a bunch
of great nicknames
in high school:
We had Smasher, Tiger, Porky, Flathead.
Did you have a nickname?
( Clears throat ): Let's plan on going.
You did have one.
What was it?
That is something you will never find out.
Well, I will, too.
I can just ask everybody at the reunion.
Oh, Carol, you wouldn't do that.
Of course I would.
Yes, I think you would.
Hot Lips.
( laughing ): Hot Lips?
Why in the world
would they call you Hot Lips?
Greg, can I borrow your dictionary?
Sure, help yourself.
Thanks.
How come you're not out
doing push-ups or something?
For what?
The bet you made with Bobby.
Are you kidding?
I don't have to train
to do twice as many anything as Bobby.
When you win, I hope Cindy
learns a lesson from this, too.
Cindy?
Yeah. Little brothers aren't the only ones
who can be a pain in the neck.
"Marcia, I can make my bed
faster than you.
Marcia, I can get dressed
faster than you."
I wish I thought of making a bet with her.
It wasn't my idea.
Bobby insisted on betting me.
I've got some interesting stuff
planned out for that little character.
Nothing too rough, I hope.
Of course not nothing too rough.
On the other hand,
nothing too smooth either.
( laughs )
What is that?
Oh, I dug out my old
high school yearbook.
Can I see it?
Yeah.
You believe those senior class pictures?
Oh, I'm going to see if I can find you.
( laughs )
You found me.
Yeah, I found you.
You're so thin!
Didn't your mother ever feed you?
Who could eat?
Why?
Well, my whole senior class year,
I had a wild crush
on a girl named Bobo, see?
Bobo?
Yeah oh.
You should have seen her mmm.
That was just her head.
Oh!
You never told me about Bobo.
Didn't I?
Well, that was just her nickname.
She's right in there.
No, no. Let me see if I can find her.
What, out of all the
girls in my senior class?
I know what you like.
I'll give you three chances,
and I'll bet you still can't find Bobo.
It's a bet.
Are you serious?
Absolutely.
And I won't even need
three chances, just one.
What do we bet?
How about the same bet
that Greg and Bobby have?
For one week,
the loser has to do
whatever the winner says.
You have got yourself a bet
Hot Lips.
Hi. How about a vitamin break?
This stuff will put
muscles on your muscles.
Thanks, Alice.
What's in it this time?
If I told you, you wouldn't drink it.
Yuck!
I'm not drinking it anyway.
Okay, but Greg always
used to drink this stuff
when he was trying out
for the football team.
Said it made him strong as a horse.
Hey, that's pretty good.
Thanks, Dad.
You don't want to overdo it
and hurt yourself, though, you know?
Listen, when you're
through with that exercise,
why don't you try this one?
Like that. See?
That'll help develop your deltoid muscle.
Gee, I didn't even know
I had a deltoid muscle.
Where is it?
Right there.
That's your deltoid, these are triceps,
those are your biceps,
and that's your pectoral.
Boy, I'm loaded with muscles!
Yeah, well, you're going to have
to be in shape to beat Greg.
He's pretty good, you know?
I'm going to be better.
Well, maybe, but you're
going to have to go all out
to prove it, hmm?
( Sighs )
I don't know
why you're knocking yourself out, Bobby.
Greg can beat you
with one hand tied behind his back.
Hi.
Hi.
I've really been working out, you know.
Yeah?
Yeah!
You want to feel the muscles in my arm?
Nope.
It's only fair to tell you that
I'm up to seven chin-ups now.
Seven?
Wow!
I was thinking
a guy shouldn't take
advantage of his own brother.
He shouldn't, huh?
No
and if you wanted,
I'd let you out of the bet
if you wanted.
Are you kidding?
No way!
By this time next week,
you'll be doing this for me.
Well
you had your chance.
Eight
Come on.
CAROL: Bobby!
Keep going, Bobby you can do it.
Go, Bobby. Look at him.
I think this is his last one.
JAN: Attaboy.
Nine
Oh, Bobby, be careful.
Don't overdo it.
JAN: That's it.
Come on. Ten
Come on, Bobby, I'm rooting for you.
( Cindy, Jan and Carol cheer Bobby on )
Attaboy, Bobby.
JAN: Come on.
Eleven!
JAN: 11 Wow!
Come on, do 12.
Do 12, come on.
( Encouragement continues )
( Moans, then exhales )
Eleven! You can be proud
of yourself, son.
That's over twice as many
as you did last week.
It was a good try,
but he's still going to lose.
Oh, yeah?
Only if Greg can do 22 chin-ups.
I think I should have bottled
that energy juice I gave him.
( Exhales heavily )
One
two
three
four
Come on, Greg, I'm rooting for you.
CAROL: Six
seven
18
( groans )
19
( gasps )
( Panting )
( Grunts )
Come on, Greg, you can do it.
( Grunts )
I won!
( Shrieks ): I won!
I won! I won!
( Screaming continues )
I won! I won! I won!
I thought only flies had six feet.
I wish he was a fly I'd swat him.
Oh, by the way, the fly sends a message:
After you get through shining his shoes,
he'd like to have you wash his sneakers.
Wash his sneakers?!
Yeah. You can either throw
them in the washing machine,
or put them on and take a shower.
That little
I'd suggest taking the shower.
It might help you cool off
a little at the same time.
Will you be finished soon?
We have to go to the
library before it closes.
What's that got to do with me?
You're driving us.
( laughing ): I'm not
driving you to the library.
Yes, you are. Bobby said so.
We'll wait in the car.
After you finish that,
Bobby said to sandpaper his skateboard.
Do you know what you can tell Bobby?
Sure that you'll do it.
Hey, hold it, that's the last piece,
and Bobby decided he wanted it.
Hmm I wonder what Bobo
could be a nickname for.
Let's see
Bernice Shearer.
Bernice Bobo?
( Murmurs ): Sally.
Hmm Sally.
Sally.
Oh, no, but how could
Bobo stand for Sally?
( Murmurs ): Betty.
Betty?
Betty!
Bobo Betty, Bobo, yeah.
( Aloud ): Zelda.
Oh, Michael Brady, that is terrible!
And that is for Sally and that's for Betty,
and that is for Zelda.
Yeah, Rachel,
it's great seeing you in school,
but I still want to take you out.
Well, what about a movie
tomorrow night?
Yeah, at the drive-in.
It's a good double bill.
Um
a science fiction and a and a western.
Great, Rachel.
Great. Well, I'll pick you up about 7:00?
Bye.
Sounds good to me.
What sounds good to you?
A double bill.
Exactly what does that mean?
I'm going with you.
( Chuckles )
No way.
Remember the bet?
Look
I've taken out the trash for you,
and I hosed off the patio.
I shined your shoes.
I made your bed, cleaned your bike.
I even let you beat me at checkers
because you told me to, but that's it.
That's it, understand?
You have to do whatever I tell you
that's the bet.
It didn't include taking you on dates.
It didn't include not.
You welsher.
I'm going to go tell Mom and Dad.
BOBBY: Mom
( both shouting )
Hold it!
Hold it, now, one at a time.
I've got a date Greg's
welshing on our bet,
and he won't take me to the movies
and now he thinks
he can go along with me
What's all the racket?
GREG: Dad, it has
nothing to do with the bet.
( Both shouting )
Hold it. Hold it!
I didn't hear anything
either one of you said.
That's the third time I've heard it,
and I still can't figure it out.
Bobby?
Greg's going to the movies
to see two neat pictures,
and he won't take me.
I've got a date with a new girl,
and I don't want the
all-American kid tagging along.
Our bet was that the loser has to do
everything the winner
tells him everything!
I've done everything else,
but dates are different!
Greg, if I remember correctly,
the bet did include everything.
Oh, wow not dates.
Well, look, Greg,
it may seem a little rough,
but when you make a bet,
you have to be prepared to pay off.
Okay, maybe next time you'll remember
no bet is a sure thing.
I'll remember, all right.
Okay, okay, I'll just call off the date.
It's okay with me.
I don't care if she comes along or not.
Listen, Mr. Chin-up King,
I've done everything you've asked
fair and square,
but there's no way
no way are you going
on my date with Rachel.
( Movie soundtrack playing )
BOBBY: You're blocking my view!
And I want some more popcorn.
You've already had three bags.
Then I want some pizza.
I'll be back in a minute, Rachel.
Boy, you can really
see better from up here.
( Cheerlessly ): Uh-huh.
Neat movie, isn't it?
Yeah, real neat.
Having fun, huh?
We're having a ball.
You see? I told Greg if I came,
you wouldn't mind.
Here's the pizza you ordered.
And that's all the food you get.
Our bet had nothing to do
with my going broke.
Greg, wouldn't it be nice
if Bobby got in the back
seat to eat his pizza?
Yes, that'd be nice.
Okay.
( Horn honks ) Shh!
I didn't do that.
Want some pizza?
No.
How about you, Rachel?
It's real good pepperoni and onions.
No. No, thank you.
You guys don't know
what you're missing.
We know what we're missing.
You're blocking my view again.
Come on, Bobby, stop fooling around.
You're not even watching the movie.
Neither are you.
I'll tell you what.
Why don't we all watch the movie?
It's warm in here.
Put the top down.
Put the top
Now, look, Bobby.
You might as well do it, Greg.
( Horns honking )
What do you think you're doing?
It might rain.
You wouldn't want "sweetie pie"
to get wet, would you?
Now you're just being a wise guy.
Put that umbrella away!
I told you, it might rain.
Well, if it might rain, then
I'm putting the top back up.
( Horns honking )
Now you've done it!
Wait till Dad sees this.
Well, I didn't know anybody there,
but I really had a good time tonight.
Yeah, it was some reunion.
Ah, boy. ( Clears throat )
Well?
"Well" what?
Come on, it's time to settle our bet.
Which one was Bobo?
Well, she was one of the
women there tonight, right?
Right, right, she was there.
Let me see, uh
Come on, come on, no stalling.
Now you had plenty of time.
Well, okay, I'll take a wild guess.
( Giggling )
Irene Hesselroth.
That's ri how did you guess that?
Simple deduction.
Number one, I know what you like.
Number two, I know what you don't like.
And number three,
she came over and introduced herself
and said you used to call her "Bobo."
( Car pulling in )
Oh, Greg and Bobby must be back.
Hey, I wonder how their big
date with Rachel came out.
GREG: I figure it'll cost about
150 bucks for a new top, Dad.
Yeah, well, that's great. That's just great.
Bobby, how could you do that?
I'm sorry.
I guess I was what you'd call
a little stinker.
A little stinker?
A big stinker.
I'll pay for the new top, Dad.
Well, as Greg said, you know,
a new top is going to cost about $150.
Well, Greg said he'd pay me a
dollar a week to do his chores.
Oh, great, you'll be doing
his chores for three years.
That's okay. I deserve it.
Well
we'll discuss the financial
arrangements later.
I hope you've learned something
from all of this.
I sure have.
For one thing, I'll never bet on
anything again
because even if you win, you lose.
Is that all?
If I can ever boss anybody around again,
I'll never be mean.
Well, that's good.
Anything else?
Oh, yeah. I almost forgot
the most important thing.
What's that?
Well, if you ever go
to a drive-in movie in a convertible,
never take an umbrella.
Honey, I think I'd like to read.
Would you please get me my book?
It's over there on the dresser.
I just got into bed.
Bobo.
Bobo.
( Sighs )
Thank you.
Anything else while I'm up?
No, not that I can think of.
Oh, honey, I think I need a tissue.
Would you get one for me?
They're right over there.
Bobo.
Bobo.
Yeah.
( Sighs )
Thank you.
Anything else?
No, no, that's all.
There is one other thing.
( Chuckling )
Now what?
You didn't kiss me good night.
Do I have to?