Gilligan's Island (1964) s03e19 Episode Script

1
Thurston, are you asleep?
Thurston?
Thurston, are you asleep?!
What?
Yes, yes, I was, dear.
I having the most terrible dream.
I dreamt I was walking
barefoot through $1,000 bills.
You call that a terrible dream?
Well, they were brand-new,
and they were hurting my little tootsies.
Aww. I had a dream, too, dear.
I dreamed that somebody
kissed me on my cheek.
Oh, and it seemed so real.
Well, why don't you go back to sleep
and find out who it was?
What's that?
What's what?
That.
Oh, this that.
Hmm.
It looks like a note.
That's funny. There's
not one under my pillow.
What does it say?
Oh, oh nothing, nothing at all.
Oh, nothing at all, eh?
Let's look at this.
"My darling, just seeing you,
"just being near you has
given my life new meaning.
"I don't know how much longer
I can keep my feelings to myself."
Lovey
You have a secret admirer.
Just sit right back,
and you'll hear a tale ♪
a tale of a fateful trip ♪
that started from this tropic port ♪
aboard this tiny ship ♪
the mate was a mighty sailin' man ♪
the skipper brave and sure ♪
5 passengers set sail
that day for a 3-hour tour ♪
a 3-hour tour ♪
[thunder]
The weather started getting rough ♪
the tiny ship was tossed ♪
if not for the courage
of the fearless crew ♪
the minnow would be lost,
the minnow would be lost ♪
the ship set ground
on the shore of this ♪
uncharted desert isle ♪
with gilligan ♪
the skipper, too ♪
the millionaire and his wife ♪
the movie star ♪
the professor and Mary Ann ♪
here on gilligan's isle ♪
What was that for?
As if you didn't know, you sailor.
Well, sure I'm a sailor.
Sweetheart in every port.
What?
This is one port you can forget about,
you overstuffed sea wolf.
Just a minute, Mr. Howell.
Tell me what this is all about
hello, captain.
Mrs. Howell.
Why don't you call her "sweetheart?"
Sweetheart? Girl in every port?
Say, what's going on in here?
I suppose you didn't write this.
Oh, captain, I had no idea how you felt,
but you really must forget about me.
After all, I am a married woman.
"I don't know how much longer
I can keep my feelings to myself."
You don't think I wrote that?
Deny it. I dare you, deny it.
I deny it.
I, uh, assume there is a reason
for this irrational behavior.
Don't play innocent with me, you cad!
Cad?
The quiet ones, they're always the one.
Tell me what this is about,
then we both know.
Mrs. Howell, perhaps you can
oh, Mrs. Howell really, professor.
You needn't be so formal.
Formal?
The nerve! Right in
front of my very eyes.
Aha! This is some sort of joke.
Some sort of a joke?
Writing love notes to my wife?
Oh, really, professor.
I never would have guessed
that underneath that calm exterior,
there lived a seething volcano.
Well, he may be a volcano,
but I'm going to erupt.
How dare you write
love notes to my wife?
Oh, I already did that.
Mr. Howell, Mrs. Howell,
I realize that you're both upset,
and obviously with some justification.
However, I did not write any notes.
Didn't you really?
I can assure you that I
am not a seething volcano,
at least as far as a
married woman's concerned.
Well, if you didn't write the note,
and if the captain didn't write the note
it must be
Oh, no.
Oh, no.
Are these your gloves, Mr. Howell?
Don't try and bluff me.
You're not the shy, innocent little boy
that you pretend to be.
Who'd do that?
None of your excuses!
In a way, gilligan, I'm very flattered.
Oh, you're so young.
I'll thrash you within an inch of your life.
Oh, don't be too hard on him, dear.
After all, he's just a young boy
a silly, wonderful boy.
There, there, sweet prince.
Your lady fair understands.
Sweet prince, lady fair?
I'm just mad about your last note,
you bad, impetuous thing.
What note?
Let me see that.
"Dream girl, now that
you know my feelings,
do I dare hope that you
might care for me, too?"
You'll need the red crosss
to care for you
I didn't write that note
or any notes.
You deny it, too!
Obviously the three of you,
you gentlemen, you deny it
because you're afraid of incurring
the mighty ho well wrath!
But I won't rest until I
find out who the culprit is!
Ooh, I've never seen
Mr. Howell so angry.
Isn't it wonderful?
And I found this note
pinned to my wardrobe.
That makes 5 notes in all.
Oh, whoever he is, he
certainly has a crush on you.
You ever had a secret
admirer, Mary Ann?
If I did, he sure kept it a secret.
You ever had a secret admirer, ginger?
I once had an admirer
who had a secret
a wife and 8 kids.
You don't know who's writing the notes,
so where are the pink
papers coming from?
They all denied it.
Having a secret admirer is rather fun,
but it'd be more fun to know who he is.
Maybe I can help you find out.
But how could you find
out if Mr. Howell couldn't?
Confidentially, I look a little better
in a sarong than Mr. Howell.
[Whispering] Okay, let's go.
Mary Ann, I'm telling
you for the last time!
The skipper's mine!
Mary Ann: That's what you think.
I thought he was cute too.
I've just been shy to say how I feel.
Well, you're late.
When I go after a man, I go after him.
It doesn't mean you're gonna get him.
Are you kidding? Listen, you farm girl
if you know what's good for you,
you'll stay away from my man!
Your man? Ha!
You think every man looks at you
because you wiggle your hips
like a pair of windshield wipers?
Oh! One more crack like that,
and I'll add some black
and blue to your brown eyes.
That'll be the most work you've done
since you've been on the island.
[Whispers] He's coming.
That did it!
That did it. Oh!
Hi, girls.
What's going on out here?
Skipper, you do like me
better than ginger, don't you?
Well, I like you both, Mary Ann.
Well! If that's your
attitude, you can have her.
Ginger, I had no idea that
you were so crazy about me.
Oh, skipper, I'd fight anyone for you,
even Mrs. Howell.
Even Mrs. Howell?
You're the one who wrote the notes?
Not me, but if I'd write anyone a note,
it'd be you.
Skipper, why don't you write me a note?
Now, this lie detector
should prove conclusively
that I had nothing to do with the notes.
Uh, yes. Exactly how does it work?
I've wired the ship's
horn from the minnow,
and utilized the batteries from the radio.
If anyone lies, the horn goes off.
Let's get on with the questions.
I'm dying to know who's
secretly in love with me.
Yes, tell a lie so we can judge the truth.
Uh, yes, of course.
Um, I should like to stay
on this island forever.
Never be rescued.
[Honking]
You see?
Ask him about me.
[Whispering] No, in due
time. I must be crafty.
The idea is to catch someone off-guard.
Uh, professor, uh,
what exactly are your degrees?
I have a b.A. From u.S.C.,
an m.A. From s.M.U.,
and a Ph.D. from t.C.U.
Well, I don't know anything
about your education,
but it sounds like a marvelous
recipe for alphabet soup.
Alright, fire away.
You like brunettes?
You wanna whisper sweet
nothings into my ear?
You like redheads?
You planning to write me
some more love notes?
You like blondes?
Do you need more pink stationery?
Yes, no, yes, no, yes, and no.
There, you see, I always tell the truth.
[Honking]
Alright. Uh, gilligan,
were you ever in love?
Yes.
What was her name?
Herman.
Herman?
That's an odd name for a girl.
Not if the girl's a turtle.
Oh, gilligan, be serious.
She was in love with me.
[Honking]
I lied. She was in love with another turtle.
Alright, gilligan, let's
talk about Mrs. Howell.
It wouldn't work. Don't you see?
Gilligan's answered your questions
truthfully about who he loved,
and it wasn't Mrs. Howell.
But I've been getting all those notes.
Somebody must be in love with me.
Well, if none of us wrote those notes,
it means there's someone
else on the island.
Someone else? You
mean a total stranger
in love with my wife?
We've simply got to find out
who finds me so fascinating.
I must know who this
mysterious, frightening,
fiendish, sweet stranger is.
Where are you going, dear?
Oh, to fix my hair
and freshen my makeup.
After all, one never
knows who one might meet.
Do you really think there's
somebody else on the island?
Gilligan, I think I know exactly
who this total stranger is.
So do I.
[Honking]
[Lips smack]
Professor: Mr. Howell!
Both: Mr. Howell!
Mr. Howell.
Why, thurston.
I had no idea that the thing
would get out of hand.
I thought you'd realize it was me.
Darling, how could I?
Well, I mean, after all,
ginger could have a secret admirer.
She's a beautiful movie star.
Oh, and why not me?
Well, lovey, after all
after all what?
After all I'm gonna
deliver these apologies.
You think no other man
could find me attractive?
Lovey, I never said that.
Exactly what did you say?
After all, being confined on this island,
I thought it be amusing
for a woman your age.
A woman my age?
Not that you're old,
but you're not Mary Ann.
Now you think I'm ancient.
No, I didn't say it. You said it, lovey.
But that's what you're thinking.
How could you be so cruel?
How could you? Get out, get out!
I never want to see you again.
Now go! [Sobbing]
Get out!
Well, we'll be going, Mrs. Howell.
Thank you very much, girls.
And don't worry about me. I'll be alright.
I know exactly what I'm going to do.
I'm going to put him out
of my mind, forget him.
That's a good idea.
But on a small island like this,
it's awfully hard to forget Mr. Howell.
Who?
Mr. Howell. Your husband?
You see, I've forgotten him already.
Well, we'll be going.
Goodnight. Goodnight, dears.
Radio: Good evening, boys and girls.
This is your uncle Artie.
It's story time again,
and tonight I've selected a
marvelous story to read to you.
It's a story about a slipper and a prince.
Can you guess who it is?
That's right! Cinderella.
Our story opens in the dingy storeroom
of a once-elegant mansion.
Cinderella is forced into
the room by her stepmother.
Poor cinderella.
Poor cinderella
Now then, cinderella,
I want you to mop this floor
and make it spotless.
Yes, stepmother.
Do you have to make so much noise?
Why can't you be quiet like
your beautiful stepsisters?
But they're asleep.
That's no excuse.
Stepmother, can't we get a new mop?
It's so hard to do the
floors with this old one.
You're always asking
for something, cinderella.
Give me this and give me that.
Now the mop isn't good enough.
But, stepmother
Cinderella, if I pay
for a new mop for you,
how will I pay for your beautiful
stepsisters' fox hunting lessons?
Get busy with that floor,
and you know what else you have to do.
Yes. I have to make the beds
and do the wash and chop the wood
and milk the cow and do the dishes
and iron the clothes
and sweep the chimney,
and then I can go to work.
[Knock on door]
Well, don't just stand
there dirty and grimy.
Answer the door.
Yes, stepmother.
[Gasps]
A message from the palace.
Ooh. A message from the palace.
A message from the palace.
Invitations from the prince
to the ball tonight.
Invitations to the ball.
You may tell the prince
that my 2 beautiful
daughters will be there.
I'll deliver the message.
[Crash]
Sorry, I blew my top.
The king is gonna have to get
taller soldiers or shorter uniforms.
Didn't I get an invitation?
You? Ha ha ha ha ha!
Who would invite
anybody as ugly as you?
This is for Giselle,
and this is for frederica,
my 2 beautiful daughters.
[Footsteps]
Did somebody call our names?
Girls, girls, the prince has invited you
to the palace tonight.
[Both scream]
The prince to the palace?
Oh, quick, cinderella!
Mend the hem on my skirt,
and put my water in the bath.
Yes, sister.
Girls hurry and get ready for the ball.
Oh! I hope the prince is short.
Oh, I hope he's tall.
It's no matter which,
'cause you're both going to the ball.
[Both shriek]
Stepmother, stepmother, why can't I go?
You, cinderella?
Both: Ha ha ha ha ha!
Good-bye, girls,
and have a wonderful time at the ball.
Ha ha ha ha!
And you wanted to go to the ball.
Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
[Sighs] I do wish I could go.
[Music playing]
[Gasps] Oh, who are you?
I'm your fairy godfather.
I didn't know I had a fairy godfather.
Your fairy godmother was busy,
for tonight they let me into the union.
Did I hear you wish
you could go to the ball?
Oh, yes, but I haven't got an invitation.
I can arrange for that.
But I haven't got a gown.
How could I go in these old rags?
I can take care of that, too.
Aah!
Don't worry, it won't hurt a bit.
Oops. I goofed.
I think I like me better the other way.
I'm sorry, cinderella,
but I'm kind of new at this.
Oh ooh!
Oh, oh, oh, fairy godfather, I'm so happy.
It's an invitation to the ball.
How can I ever thank you?
By leaving the ball before midnight,
at the stroke of 12:00,
you shall be returned
to your old grimy dirty self.
By the stroke of midnight?
As a new fairy godfather,
I can only work 8 hours.
I go off duty at 12:00.
Oh, well, how am I going to get there?
I shall fix that.
I shall take this pumpkin
and change it into a
horse and a fine carriage
to take you to the ball.
[Car horn honks]
Goofed again.
[Horse whinnies]
I think I'm getting the hang of it.
Go and have a ball at the ball.
I shall, fairy godfather. I shall.
Remember, leave before
the stroke of midnight.
[Fanfare playing]
Ladies and gentlemen, the prince.
[Fanfare playing]
Nice going in there, shorty.
My pleasure, prince.
Arise!
Arise and be introduced
to magnificent me.
My prince, may I
introduce the fair frederica.
And this, my prince, is the fair Giselle.
Pretty fair, pretty fair.
Oh, your highness.
I saw you drop this in
the parade 6 months ago,
and I've cherished it
because it belonged to you.
I took it home and I
washed it and ironed it.
I keep it with me always.
Uh, from now on send
all my laundry to her.
Prince, I have your picture
underneath my pillow.
I had no idea how
handsome you really are.
Well, no pictures do justice to me.
No film can capture my beauty.
Shall we?
[Tango music playing]
Ladies, pardon me.
You can't go!
We just started to dance!
[Rumba music playing]
Aah!
[Both screaming]
Aah!
My name is cinderella.
That was some kiss.
Yes, and it was only my hand.
I'm not sure, but I think it kissed back.
Would you care to dance, cinderella?
Oh, yes, I'd love to.
Play on!
[Waltz playing]
[Rock 'n' roll playing]
[Clock chimes]
Darling.
Oh, the clock strikes midnight.
Bung! I must go.
You cannot go.
But I must.
I must kiss you before you leave.
Alright, you can kiss
me for 6 more bungs.
[Ring]
[Ring]
Ahh ooh!
I must hurry.
Must you?
Yes, I must.
Oh, my darling.
[Ring]
[Ring]
Cinderella!
Cinderella!
Cinderella!
Cinderella!
Mrs. Howell: Cinderella.
Cinderella.
Cinderella?
Thurston.
As I was passing the hut,
I heard you call out in your sleep
I thought I heard you say, "cinderella."
Oh, I might have.
I was dreaming I was cinderella.
Yes, as long as you're alright, I'll
I know that you don't
want to see me, my dear.
Darling, I do, I do.
Oh, I've learned my lesson.
Oh, my darling, you'll
always be my prince.
[Cuckoo clock]
[Cuckoo]
[Cuckoo]
Cinderella,
it's almost midnight.
If you hurry, thurston,
you can kiss me for 6 more cuckoos.
[Cuckoo]
[Cuckoo]
[Cuckoo]
I like ice cream.
I like hot dogs.
I like spinach.
[Honking]
Mary Ann: Gilligan?
In here, Mary Ann.
Gilligan
You remember that pie
I made for you before?
Uh-huh. It was delicious.
I made 3 of them,
I can't find the other 2. You seen them?
No.
[Honking]
I saw them, but I didn't take them.
[Honking]
[Explosion]
[Electrical buzzing]
Well, they were delicious.
Now this is a tale of our castaways ♪
they're here for a long, long time ♪
they'll have to make the best of things ♪
it's an uphill climb ♪
the first mate and his skipper, too ♪
will do their very best ♪
to make the others comfortable ♪
in the tropic island nest ♪
no phone, no lights ♪
no motorcars, not a single luxury ♪
like Robinson crusoe ♪
it's primitive as can be ♪
so join us here each week, my friends ♪
you're sure to get a smile ♪
from 7 stranded castaways ♪
here on gilligan's isle ♪