Happy Days (1974) s03e19 Episode Script
Two Angry Men
1
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪
Ready to race to you ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪Oh, baby ♪
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪
Rocking and rolling all week long ♪
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
Saturday, what a day ♪
Groovin' all week with you ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪
Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, baby ♪
These happy days ♪
Are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours ♪
And mine, Happy Days! ♪
Happy Days is filmed before a live audience.
Okay Fonz, that's it.
We've got the whole coop here.
Hey, that's great in my house.
Why not take it on the roof,
build them a home, huh?
I want to build my friends a home.
Well, we just want to show you
how hard we worked, Fonz.
Yeah, Fonz, okay, we'll take it outside,
take care of everything, no problem.
Yeah, let's go.
Oh, come on, Fonz, just one hint.
Give me one hint.
Whose number am I getting? Come on.
Sharon. Klondike 5.
Yeah?
Hey, the rest when you finish the coop.
Klondike 5, I know that neighborhood!
The girls are sensational!
Come on, let's go hammer! Let's go!
All right.
Hi, guys, how's it going?
I got a Klondike 5!
Hey.
Hey, come meet your new neighbors.
Neighbors, this is Richie Cunningham,
good friend of mine.
I'm going to build them a home.
Pigeons, huh?
Hey, know your birds, huh?
Yeah, why would you want to keep pigeons?
Don't tell me you missed On the Waterfront.
Yeah.
Talk about a humdrum life.
Anyway, see, look Brando raised some pigeons, right?
I always wanted to do it, huh?
Besides, they love me.
Come here, come to Fonzie. Come on.
Well well, Fonz, there's no place
to keep these birds around here.
What about the roof?
That's where Brando kept them.
Hey, get away from her, will ya?
You don't know her long enough.
Well, how are you going
to get up there to feed 'em?
Did you ever hear of a ladder?
It's a long, wooden thing with rungs?
Hey, listen, did you talk to Dad about this?
I don't have one.
No, my dad.
Oh, hey, Mr. C.
No sweat; Don't worry about it.
Fonz, I really think you ought to talk to him.
And you better hurry up,
'cause he's leaving for work right now.
This early? Something wrong with his home life, huh?
You like that, huh?
Some kid busted a window at his store
and he's trying to get it fixed
before the blizzard hits.
What blizzard?
Hey, come on, Fonz.
There he is he's leaving.
Come on. Right now.
All right, all right.
Hey, Mr. C, up here!
I can't talk to you, Fonzie.
I got to get to the store.
I know that, I'll make it fast.
Listen, I want, uh, I want to raise some, uh, birds,
you know, and Richie here
says that I got to talk to you first.
Birds? Yeah.
Sure, whatever you want.
Richie, will you go next door
and get back our snow shovel?
There's a blizzard on its way.
Yeah, sure Dad, but listen, about these
Marion, I'll talk to you later!
Okay.
Eh, you see?
Nothing to it, nothing to it.
Except I don't think you explained
about this pigeon coop, Fonz.
Richie, what difference does it make?
By the time he comes home, it'll be up already, huh?
I just don't think he's going to like it.
Are you kidding me?
Once he meets these little fellows,
he's going to fall in love.
I'm telling you that he's gonna come up here,
he's gonna say "Fonzie, please, please,
let me play with your pigeons."
Yeah, my dad's going to say that?
That's right. I tell you what.
I'll even name one after him.
Oh, yeah? Which one?
Uh, how about that chubby one that waddles?
Mr. C, come here, come here to Fonzie, come on.
Come on, let's go see
how Ralph and Potsie are doing on the roof.
Yeah.
So long, Dad!
Oh! Thank goodness you're home, dear.
Oh, Howard, your overshoes.
I'm wearing them, Marion.
What took you so long?
In case you haven't heard,
there's a raging blizzard out there.
You know, I left the store three hours ago!
I wish I'd known.
I would have had time to make baked potato.
Oh, Dad, good I'm glad you're home.
I tried to call you at the store and I couldn't get through.
It's about Fonzie's birds.
Birds again.
Look, I'm cold and I'm tired, Richie.
What was that?!
That came from Fonzie's place. Let's go up there.
Better knock before you go in; It's Saturday night.
Hey, come on in, everything else is.
Fonzie what happened?!
Fonz, are you all right?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Now don't get excited.
We had a little accident here.
We had a little accident, but the Fonz is unhurt.
Good thing I wasn't sitting in the middle of the table.
Well, that's great, but what about my roof?
And what is this?!
Well, it, uh, used to be a pigeon house.
Pigeons?!
There goes my ulcer.
That's what I was trying to tell you about, Dad.
Oh, there go my birds.
I'll probably never find them again.
Come to Fonzie!
But you said a few little birds!
Hey, dig it, pigeons are little birds.
I mean, I even named one after you: "Little Mr. C."
Tell him, Rich didn't I?
Oh, yeah, Dad, he was a real cutie nice, round face
I don't want to hear it!
I don't either.
My little birds. I'll never find them.
They're flapping their wings all over Milwaukee.
Now, listen, Fonz, you really don't have to worry
because pigeons are very intelligent birds.
I mean, I hear they can fly hundreds of miles
through snow, sleet, rain, anything.
Cunningham, you are talking about a mailman.
Why isn't anybody talking about my roof?
Lookit my rug is ruined, the furniture, the
I got to get a bucket.
Wow! What happened? Santa Claus miss the chimney?
Hey, Mr. C, what's going on?
Oh, Fonzie, I called a carpenter in
to give us an estimate on the roof.
Oh, yeah, well, what's Arnie doing here?
Well, the carpenter is his cousin, Marvin.
Yeah, Marvin don't speak English.
I his interpreter.
Hey, Marv, uh, what do you think?
Yeah, what about the roof, huh?
Oh, just a minute, Marv,
what do you think, what about the roof? I got it.
Hey, Marv, what do you think?
$400.
$400? That's kind of steep, isn't it?
Uh, Marvin's pencil don't lie.
Well, what about his pad?
Listen, I was only worried about Mr. C.
I mean, he ain't exactly
rolling in dough, you know.
Well, don't worry about that, Fonzie.
I'm not paying for this.
Oh, well, then the insurance company will
take care of it then, huh?
No, the insurance company doesn't pay
for a thing like this.
Yeah, well, who's going?
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
The Fonz ain't paying for this.
Well, I don't see why not.
I mean this whole thing was caused
by that bird bungalow of yours.
Excuse me, I beg to differ.
There was a ton of snow up there,
and a bird bungalow as you call it is very light.
Well, then why don't you go live in one, huh?
Well, I wouldn't be any worse off
than I am right here now.
Hey, hey, hey, don't fight.
I'll fight over $400 any day, Jack.
Now wait a minute, wait a minute.
Let me understand this. Yeah.
You break my roof and you expect me to pay for it?
No, I expect the roof to hold a bird cage.
Why don't you go move to a motel?
Not when I'm paying rent, I ain't gonna move to no motel.
All right, sleep right here with a hole in the roof then.
Well, how would you like not to get your rent paid, huh?
Hey, wait, wait, wait!
Just hold it! I mean
Marvin say for a extra $50, he rebuild the pigeon coop.
Oh, yeah?
Sit on it, Marvin! Sit on it, Marvin!
Dad, Fonzie's not trying to get away with anything.
He really believes that this isn't his fault
and there's no way you're going
to get him to pay the $400 to fix the roof.
He'll just stay in that motel forever.
Good.
Well, what about the $50-a-month rent?
We'll get it from somebody else.
With no roof?
No, you're right, Richard.
The way he's fixed up that apartment,
it is absolutely worthless.
There's only one thing left for me to do.
Compromise.
I'm going to take Fonzie to court
and I'm going to sue him.
Sue the Fonz?
Ho, ho, ho
You can't sue Arthur.
Why not?
Because he's a friend of ours.
Some friend.
If I had more friends like
him, we'd all be living in a tent!
Now, suing a friend is just so distasteful,
just so heartless; It's so unfriendly.
I mean, it's so nerdish.
Now, Howard, Fonzie is one of the family.
He named the pigeon after you.
That doesn't make up for the roof!
I would like to say something, please.
What?
I am shocked.
If my own father sues a personal friend of ours
who has helped me,
and each one of you, in times of trouble,
it will definitely leave an emotional scar on me
for the rest of my life.
And that's a long time, buster!
Good night!
You don't want to scar your daughter, Howard.
No, no.
Well, maybe you're right.
I'll tell you what I'll do.
I'll go on down and talk to Fonzie
and maybe we can straighten this whole thing out.
Oh, great.
Where's he staying?
At this motel called the Wiscons Inn.
The Wiscons Inn? Yeah.
Hi, everybody.
Hello, Potsie.
Would you like to come in and have some dessert?
Oh, great.
Oh, I'm supposed to give you this from the Fonz.
What is it?
It's a summons to appear in court next Tuesday.
You're being sued by the Fonz.
Hey, Mr. C.
He tried to attack me when I gave him the summons.
Hey, I thought you were supposed
to give him the summons.
I didn't want to get hit.
I'm very fragile.
I'm saving myself for Klondike 5, Fonz.
Sit down.
So you're the, uh, plaintiff, huh?
Yeah.
Would you like a little tip?
Why don't you throw yourself
on the mercy of the court?
Yeah? How about if I just throw myself on your chest?
All rise.
This court is now in session.
The Honorable Judge McCabe presiding.
The case of Fonzarelli v. Cunningham.
The plaintiff, Arthur Fonzarelli,
is suing Howard Cunningham
for damages to Mr. Fonzarelli's roof
caused by excessive snowfall.
Mr. Cunningham is counter suing.
This should be a pip, Your Honor.
Please be seated.
Now, Mr. uh, Fonzarelli?
Hey.
Of course.
Mr. Cunningham.
Now, Mr. Fonzarelli,
I understand that you have chosen to represent yourself.
All right, Fonz! Great!
Now, boys, am I going to have trouble with you?
No, ma'am, not a bit. No trouble at all.
Mr. Fonzarelli, would you please
make your opening statement?
The plaintiff chooses to pass.
The term is "waive."
Whatever.
Mr. Taylor, will you make your opening statement, please?
Your Honor, we intend to prove that the collapse of the roof
was caused by the weight of a large pigeon enclosure
erected by the plaintiff without
the consent of the defendant.
Poppycock!
Poppycock?!
Mr. Fonzarelli,
we do not "poppycock" in this courtroom.
I'm waving. I'm waving.
Now, uh, would you like to call your first witness, please?
Hey, I sure would.
Now, if it please the court,
I would like to call one young Richard Cunningham.
Objection!
Oh, yeah.
Me, too. Listen, Fonz
Hey, Richie, the court is waiting.
Uh oh, listen, Your Honor,
I'd really rather not take the stand.
What, is there some reason why you can't testify?
Well, uh
Yeah, see, I'm not dressed very well
Oh, I guess that doesn't
Yeah, I'm, uh, I'm, uh, I'm under age.
How old are you?
Seventeen.
That's old enough.
Please take the stand.
Okay, but you never know what a kid like me's going to say.
Raise your right hand.
Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth,
and nothing but the truth, so help you God?
Of course he does.
Who is that lady?
Uh, that's my mother.
Oh, really?
Oh, hi.
Oh, he has your eyes, doesn't he?
Thank you.
When he was born, he looked like his father,
then as the years went on Marion!
More like me.
I'm her daughter.
Oh.
Your Honor, please.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Well, we'll talk later.
Please be seated.
All right, Mr. Fonzarelli, your witness.
Hey, it's about time.
Now, Mr. Cunningham,
in your own youthful, innocent, wide-eyed words,
would you tell this court what your father said
when I asked him if I could keep the birds?
I don't like this, Fonz.
Uh, well, he, uh he said, "Yes."
No further questions.
But, you see, I don't think he understood
You can step down now.
Now, wait a minute, wait a minute!
Howard, Howard, sit down
I want to question the witness.
Oh, but Mr. Cunningham, you have a lawyer.
Your Honor, I'd like to talk to my own son.
All right, but I'm not splitting my fee.
Hello, son.
I didn't want to ruin your case, but
She made me come up here, Dad.
Oh, "Dad," well, you're still calling me that.
That's a surprise.
I'm sorry about what I said.
Uh, Mr. Cunningham, please, what are you trying to prove?
If I may just have a moment, Your Honor.
Now, young man did Arthur Fonzarelli,
when he asked you about the so-called birds,
make it clear that he was building
a birdhouse on the roof?
Where was I supposed to keep the pigeons, in my T-shirt?
Order.
Order.
If you had kept them in your T-shirt I'd still have a roof!
Bailiff!
Please.
Well?
No.
No, what? No, sir.
Will you answer the question?
Oh yeah, uh no
he did not make it clear about
building the cage on the roof.
Thank you very much.
You may sit down.
Hey, like father, like son.
Yeah, but I was telling the truth.
Now, Your Honor, I would like to call for my next witness
Oh, are you going to continue as your own lawyer?
Yeah, I kind of like it.
Your Honor, I'd like to call a surprise witness
Mr. Arthur Fonzarelli.
Whoa!
I object!
I've been dying to say that.
Your Honor, he does not have to testify against himself.
I cite precedent:
Frank Costello in front of the Kefauver Committee, 1951.
Oh, yes, I know, I know, I saw that on television.
They only showed his hands.
That's right, you don't have to
take the stand, Mr. Fonzarelli.
Well, yes, of course, that is
unless he has something he's hiding.
Hey. The Fonz ain't intimidated.
Raise your right hand.
Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth,
and nothing but the truth, so help you God?
Let me tell you something, the Fonz is straight, huh?
Please be seated.
Hey.
Mr. Fonzarelli, I just want to ask you one simple question.
Yeah, what is it?
If you knew you were in the right,
why didn't you tell me, right from the beginning,
that you were going to build a birdhouse on the roof,
instead of just asking if you could keep a few little birds?
Do you expect me to answer a question like that?
Well, it would be nice.
Yes, it would.
All right, look I'll, uh, okay, okay, listen,
I went to the, uh
Your most lovely and beautiful Honor
Now, I can tell from those big,
beautiful, understanding eyes of yours
that you can see this whole thing from my point of view.
Yes all right; Yes, I admit
that I might have misled this man slightly.
And I repeat, slightly.
But what chance did I have?
Now, let's just look at my rough, rough upbringing
for a moment.
I was on the road at age six.
I was shunned by society.
I didn't have the chance to go to college,
like a lot of people in this room did today.
I used to live hand-to-mouth, hand-to-mouth
I mean, what kind of chance did I have?
But I'll tell you something, right here and now.
That, if I had a nice mommy like you
I would have grown up and turned out completely different.
Oh, you poor, poor baby.
What's going on here?
This is a court of law.
Hush!
There, now.
Oh, I'm so sorry, but the judge has feelings, too, you know.
Hey, I understand that.
Everything is cool.
Uh, Your Honor, this isn't fair.
I tell you, it just isn't fair.
I've had just about enough of you.
Now, you sit down or I'm going to fine you for contempt!
Just do me a favor, okay?
Go easy on him, 'cause he's really a nice guy.
Aw, you're just so sweet, and so understanding.
Hey, I know. Yeah.
So understanding.
Go on, now, why don't you just step down.
Hey, thanks a lot.
Such a nice, nice boy.
Hey.
Get up, Mr. Cunningham.
I've reached a verdict.
The court finds in favor of Howard Cunningham.
And Mr. Fonzarelli must pay the $400 for the roof.
Hey, wait a minute! Wait a minute!
What happened to the "nice, nice boy"?
Time out, time out!
Oh, I meant every word of it.
You are a nice boy.
Oh, now, look, I know that that roof is over 30 years old,
and Mr. Cunningham could have offered to help you fix it,
if he was any kind of a decent human being.
But you did mislead him, ever so slightly,
and so I have no alternative.
I'm very sorry.
You're a very nice boy.
Court is adjourned.
You were right, Leo This one was a pip.
Boy am I a lawyer?
Wait'll you get my bill.
All right, Mr. Cunningham, you won fair and square.
I mean, I took a shot and I lost.
I don't know where I'm going to get the money,
but you know, like they say:
"To the victor goes the spoils."
Howard, you can drive the children home.
I'm going to take the bus.
I'm hitchhiking.
Why is everybody so mad at me?
Because I think the judge was right.
The roof was 30 years old.
You were going to have to repair it, anyway.
I mean, you're just very lucky
that you're getting it done for free.
All right, all right, I'll pay half.
Oh, Howard, you're a sweetheart. Thanks, Dad.
Thanks, Dad. Thank you, dear.
Yeah, I'm a sweetheart.
Fonzie, could I talk to you for a minute?
How come, so you can gloat?
Now look, it is an old roof,
and so I'm going to pay $200 toward it.
I mean, that's the way it should
have been settled in the first place.
That's the way friends do things.
Hey, well, let me tell you something.
As a friend, you're really a gem, Mr. Cunningham.
Yeah, I'm a sweetheart and a gem.
Fonz, listen, all the kids are going to chip in
to help you out you know,
for all the favors you've done us.
Now, I don't think we can get the whole thing,
but we can probably raise half.
Oh, Malph, Malph, I am touched, huh?
Listen: Klondike 5-3201, huh?
All right, Fonz!
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
I don't understand something.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, you break my roof and then you sue me,
you take me here to court, and you lose the case,
I put up $200 toward it, the kids get the rest of it?
I mean, how come you don't get to pay anything?
How come?
'Cause I'm the Fonz, huh? Aayyh!
I tell you, Marion,
I never thought I'd spend a whole evening pigeon sitting.
Well, you know how badly Arthur felt
when he lost them that first time,
so he didn't want to leave them alone,
he was so happy that they came back.
You know, they're kind of cute.
Yeah, aren't they?
Look how they're all snuggling up together.
Yeah.
Aren't they cute?
Oh, Howard, are you getting frisky?
Hey, I'm home!
What a time to come home.
Hey listen, thanks very much for babysitting my pals.
You didn't feed them what you eat, did you?
'Cause I'm just going to take them inside,
give them a drink of water and take them upstairs, huh?
Say good night, everybody.
Our pleasure.
Oh, they're so cute.
Oh, I'm sorry, sweetheart,
now that the pigeons are gone, I just don't feel
Good night, dear.
Fonzie!
Here you go, kids.
Can I ask you a favor? Yeah.
Would you mind, uh
leaving your pigeons with me overnight?
What did I tell Richie.
You see, I knew that you and I
had the same love for animals, huh?
Of course, Mr. C.
Good night, Mr. C., huh?
Good night, Mr. C.
See what you mean to me, huh?
You see what you mean to me?
Whoa!
Marion!
These happy days are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours and mine, Happy Days. ♪
Good-bye gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪
Rockin' and rollin' all week long ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪Oh, baby ♪
These happy days are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪
Ready to race to you ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪Oh, baby ♪
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪
Rocking and rolling all week long ♪
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
Saturday, what a day ♪
Groovin' all week with you ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪
Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, baby ♪
These happy days ♪
Are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours ♪
And mine, Happy Days! ♪
Happy Days is filmed before a live audience.
Okay Fonz, that's it.
We've got the whole coop here.
Hey, that's great in my house.
Why not take it on the roof,
build them a home, huh?
I want to build my friends a home.
Well, we just want to show you
how hard we worked, Fonz.
Yeah, Fonz, okay, we'll take it outside,
take care of everything, no problem.
Yeah, let's go.
Oh, come on, Fonz, just one hint.
Give me one hint.
Whose number am I getting? Come on.
Sharon. Klondike 5.
Yeah?
Hey, the rest when you finish the coop.
Klondike 5, I know that neighborhood!
The girls are sensational!
Come on, let's go hammer! Let's go!
All right.
Hi, guys, how's it going?
I got a Klondike 5!
Hey.
Hey, come meet your new neighbors.
Neighbors, this is Richie Cunningham,
good friend of mine.
I'm going to build them a home.
Pigeons, huh?
Hey, know your birds, huh?
Yeah, why would you want to keep pigeons?
Don't tell me you missed On the Waterfront.
Yeah.
Talk about a humdrum life.
Anyway, see, look Brando raised some pigeons, right?
I always wanted to do it, huh?
Besides, they love me.
Come here, come to Fonzie. Come on.
Well well, Fonz, there's no place
to keep these birds around here.
What about the roof?
That's where Brando kept them.
Hey, get away from her, will ya?
You don't know her long enough.
Well, how are you going
to get up there to feed 'em?
Did you ever hear of a ladder?
It's a long, wooden thing with rungs?
Hey, listen, did you talk to Dad about this?
I don't have one.
No, my dad.
Oh, hey, Mr. C.
No sweat; Don't worry about it.
Fonz, I really think you ought to talk to him.
And you better hurry up,
'cause he's leaving for work right now.
This early? Something wrong with his home life, huh?
You like that, huh?
Some kid busted a window at his store
and he's trying to get it fixed
before the blizzard hits.
What blizzard?
Hey, come on, Fonz.
There he is he's leaving.
Come on. Right now.
All right, all right.
Hey, Mr. C, up here!
I can't talk to you, Fonzie.
I got to get to the store.
I know that, I'll make it fast.
Listen, I want, uh, I want to raise some, uh, birds,
you know, and Richie here
says that I got to talk to you first.
Birds? Yeah.
Sure, whatever you want.
Richie, will you go next door
and get back our snow shovel?
There's a blizzard on its way.
Yeah, sure Dad, but listen, about these
Marion, I'll talk to you later!
Okay.
Eh, you see?
Nothing to it, nothing to it.
Except I don't think you explained
about this pigeon coop, Fonz.
Richie, what difference does it make?
By the time he comes home, it'll be up already, huh?
I just don't think he's going to like it.
Are you kidding me?
Once he meets these little fellows,
he's going to fall in love.
I'm telling you that he's gonna come up here,
he's gonna say "Fonzie, please, please,
let me play with your pigeons."
Yeah, my dad's going to say that?
That's right. I tell you what.
I'll even name one after him.
Oh, yeah? Which one?
Uh, how about that chubby one that waddles?
Mr. C, come here, come here to Fonzie, come on.
Come on, let's go see
how Ralph and Potsie are doing on the roof.
Yeah.
So long, Dad!
Oh! Thank goodness you're home, dear.
Oh, Howard, your overshoes.
I'm wearing them, Marion.
What took you so long?
In case you haven't heard,
there's a raging blizzard out there.
You know, I left the store three hours ago!
I wish I'd known.
I would have had time to make baked potato.
Oh, Dad, good I'm glad you're home.
I tried to call you at the store and I couldn't get through.
It's about Fonzie's birds.
Birds again.
Look, I'm cold and I'm tired, Richie.
What was that?!
That came from Fonzie's place. Let's go up there.
Better knock before you go in; It's Saturday night.
Hey, come on in, everything else is.
Fonzie what happened?!
Fonz, are you all right?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Now don't get excited.
We had a little accident here.
We had a little accident, but the Fonz is unhurt.
Good thing I wasn't sitting in the middle of the table.
Well, that's great, but what about my roof?
And what is this?!
Well, it, uh, used to be a pigeon house.
Pigeons?!
There goes my ulcer.
That's what I was trying to tell you about, Dad.
Oh, there go my birds.
I'll probably never find them again.
Come to Fonzie!
But you said a few little birds!
Hey, dig it, pigeons are little birds.
I mean, I even named one after you: "Little Mr. C."
Tell him, Rich didn't I?
Oh, yeah, Dad, he was a real cutie nice, round face
I don't want to hear it!
I don't either.
My little birds. I'll never find them.
They're flapping their wings all over Milwaukee.
Now, listen, Fonz, you really don't have to worry
because pigeons are very intelligent birds.
I mean, I hear they can fly hundreds of miles
through snow, sleet, rain, anything.
Cunningham, you are talking about a mailman.
Why isn't anybody talking about my roof?
Lookit my rug is ruined, the furniture, the
I got to get a bucket.
Wow! What happened? Santa Claus miss the chimney?
Hey, Mr. C, what's going on?
Oh, Fonzie, I called a carpenter in
to give us an estimate on the roof.
Oh, yeah, well, what's Arnie doing here?
Well, the carpenter is his cousin, Marvin.
Yeah, Marvin don't speak English.
I his interpreter.
Hey, Marv, uh, what do you think?
Yeah, what about the roof, huh?
Oh, just a minute, Marv,
what do you think, what about the roof? I got it.
Hey, Marv, what do you think?
$400.
$400? That's kind of steep, isn't it?
Uh, Marvin's pencil don't lie.
Well, what about his pad?
Listen, I was only worried about Mr. C.
I mean, he ain't exactly
rolling in dough, you know.
Well, don't worry about that, Fonzie.
I'm not paying for this.
Oh, well, then the insurance company will
take care of it then, huh?
No, the insurance company doesn't pay
for a thing like this.
Yeah, well, who's going?
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
The Fonz ain't paying for this.
Well, I don't see why not.
I mean this whole thing was caused
by that bird bungalow of yours.
Excuse me, I beg to differ.
There was a ton of snow up there,
and a bird bungalow as you call it is very light.
Well, then why don't you go live in one, huh?
Well, I wouldn't be any worse off
than I am right here now.
Hey, hey, hey, don't fight.
I'll fight over $400 any day, Jack.
Now wait a minute, wait a minute.
Let me understand this. Yeah.
You break my roof and you expect me to pay for it?
No, I expect the roof to hold a bird cage.
Why don't you go move to a motel?
Not when I'm paying rent, I ain't gonna move to no motel.
All right, sleep right here with a hole in the roof then.
Well, how would you like not to get your rent paid, huh?
Hey, wait, wait, wait!
Just hold it! I mean
Marvin say for a extra $50, he rebuild the pigeon coop.
Oh, yeah?
Sit on it, Marvin! Sit on it, Marvin!
Dad, Fonzie's not trying to get away with anything.
He really believes that this isn't his fault
and there's no way you're going
to get him to pay the $400 to fix the roof.
He'll just stay in that motel forever.
Good.
Well, what about the $50-a-month rent?
We'll get it from somebody else.
With no roof?
No, you're right, Richard.
The way he's fixed up that apartment,
it is absolutely worthless.
There's only one thing left for me to do.
Compromise.
I'm going to take Fonzie to court
and I'm going to sue him.
Sue the Fonz?
Ho, ho, ho
You can't sue Arthur.
Why not?
Because he's a friend of ours.
Some friend.
If I had more friends like
him, we'd all be living in a tent!
Now, suing a friend is just so distasteful,
just so heartless; It's so unfriendly.
I mean, it's so nerdish.
Now, Howard, Fonzie is one of the family.
He named the pigeon after you.
That doesn't make up for the roof!
I would like to say something, please.
What?
I am shocked.
If my own father sues a personal friend of ours
who has helped me,
and each one of you, in times of trouble,
it will definitely leave an emotional scar on me
for the rest of my life.
And that's a long time, buster!
Good night!
You don't want to scar your daughter, Howard.
No, no.
Well, maybe you're right.
I'll tell you what I'll do.
I'll go on down and talk to Fonzie
and maybe we can straighten this whole thing out.
Oh, great.
Where's he staying?
At this motel called the Wiscons Inn.
The Wiscons Inn? Yeah.
Hi, everybody.
Hello, Potsie.
Would you like to come in and have some dessert?
Oh, great.
Oh, I'm supposed to give you this from the Fonz.
What is it?
It's a summons to appear in court next Tuesday.
You're being sued by the Fonz.
Hey, Mr. C.
He tried to attack me when I gave him the summons.
Hey, I thought you were supposed
to give him the summons.
I didn't want to get hit.
I'm very fragile.
I'm saving myself for Klondike 5, Fonz.
Sit down.
So you're the, uh, plaintiff, huh?
Yeah.
Would you like a little tip?
Why don't you throw yourself
on the mercy of the court?
Yeah? How about if I just throw myself on your chest?
All rise.
This court is now in session.
The Honorable Judge McCabe presiding.
The case of Fonzarelli v. Cunningham.
The plaintiff, Arthur Fonzarelli,
is suing Howard Cunningham
for damages to Mr. Fonzarelli's roof
caused by excessive snowfall.
Mr. Cunningham is counter suing.
This should be a pip, Your Honor.
Please be seated.
Now, Mr. uh, Fonzarelli?
Hey.
Of course.
Mr. Cunningham.
Now, Mr. Fonzarelli,
I understand that you have chosen to represent yourself.
All right, Fonz! Great!
Now, boys, am I going to have trouble with you?
No, ma'am, not a bit. No trouble at all.
Mr. Fonzarelli, would you please
make your opening statement?
The plaintiff chooses to pass.
The term is "waive."
Whatever.
Mr. Taylor, will you make your opening statement, please?
Your Honor, we intend to prove that the collapse of the roof
was caused by the weight of a large pigeon enclosure
erected by the plaintiff without
the consent of the defendant.
Poppycock!
Poppycock?!
Mr. Fonzarelli,
we do not "poppycock" in this courtroom.
I'm waving. I'm waving.
Now, uh, would you like to call your first witness, please?
Hey, I sure would.
Now, if it please the court,
I would like to call one young Richard Cunningham.
Objection!
Oh, yeah.
Me, too. Listen, Fonz
Hey, Richie, the court is waiting.
Uh oh, listen, Your Honor,
I'd really rather not take the stand.
What, is there some reason why you can't testify?
Well, uh
Yeah, see, I'm not dressed very well
Oh, I guess that doesn't
Yeah, I'm, uh, I'm, uh, I'm under age.
How old are you?
Seventeen.
That's old enough.
Please take the stand.
Okay, but you never know what a kid like me's going to say.
Raise your right hand.
Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth,
and nothing but the truth, so help you God?
Of course he does.
Who is that lady?
Uh, that's my mother.
Oh, really?
Oh, hi.
Oh, he has your eyes, doesn't he?
Thank you.
When he was born, he looked like his father,
then as the years went on Marion!
More like me.
I'm her daughter.
Oh.
Your Honor, please.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
Well, we'll talk later.
Please be seated.
All right, Mr. Fonzarelli, your witness.
Hey, it's about time.
Now, Mr. Cunningham,
in your own youthful, innocent, wide-eyed words,
would you tell this court what your father said
when I asked him if I could keep the birds?
I don't like this, Fonz.
Uh, well, he, uh he said, "Yes."
No further questions.
But, you see, I don't think he understood
You can step down now.
Now, wait a minute, wait a minute!
Howard, Howard, sit down
I want to question the witness.
Oh, but Mr. Cunningham, you have a lawyer.
Your Honor, I'd like to talk to my own son.
All right, but I'm not splitting my fee.
Hello, son.
I didn't want to ruin your case, but
She made me come up here, Dad.
Oh, "Dad," well, you're still calling me that.
That's a surprise.
I'm sorry about what I said.
Uh, Mr. Cunningham, please, what are you trying to prove?
If I may just have a moment, Your Honor.
Now, young man did Arthur Fonzarelli,
when he asked you about the so-called birds,
make it clear that he was building
a birdhouse on the roof?
Where was I supposed to keep the pigeons, in my T-shirt?
Order.
Order.
If you had kept them in your T-shirt I'd still have a roof!
Bailiff!
Please.
Well?
No.
No, what? No, sir.
Will you answer the question?
Oh yeah, uh no
he did not make it clear about
building the cage on the roof.
Thank you very much.
You may sit down.
Hey, like father, like son.
Yeah, but I was telling the truth.
Now, Your Honor, I would like to call for my next witness
Oh, are you going to continue as your own lawyer?
Yeah, I kind of like it.
Your Honor, I'd like to call a surprise witness
Mr. Arthur Fonzarelli.
Whoa!
I object!
I've been dying to say that.
Your Honor, he does not have to testify against himself.
I cite precedent:
Frank Costello in front of the Kefauver Committee, 1951.
Oh, yes, I know, I know, I saw that on television.
They only showed his hands.
That's right, you don't have to
take the stand, Mr. Fonzarelli.
Well, yes, of course, that is
unless he has something he's hiding.
Hey. The Fonz ain't intimidated.
Raise your right hand.
Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth,
and nothing but the truth, so help you God?
Let me tell you something, the Fonz is straight, huh?
Please be seated.
Hey.
Mr. Fonzarelli, I just want to ask you one simple question.
Yeah, what is it?
If you knew you were in the right,
why didn't you tell me, right from the beginning,
that you were going to build a birdhouse on the roof,
instead of just asking if you could keep a few little birds?
Do you expect me to answer a question like that?
Well, it would be nice.
Yes, it would.
All right, look I'll, uh, okay, okay, listen,
I went to the, uh
Your most lovely and beautiful Honor
Now, I can tell from those big,
beautiful, understanding eyes of yours
that you can see this whole thing from my point of view.
Yes all right; Yes, I admit
that I might have misled this man slightly.
And I repeat, slightly.
But what chance did I have?
Now, let's just look at my rough, rough upbringing
for a moment.
I was on the road at age six.
I was shunned by society.
I didn't have the chance to go to college,
like a lot of people in this room did today.
I used to live hand-to-mouth, hand-to-mouth
I mean, what kind of chance did I have?
But I'll tell you something, right here and now.
That, if I had a nice mommy like you
I would have grown up and turned out completely different.
Oh, you poor, poor baby.
What's going on here?
This is a court of law.
Hush!
There, now.
Oh, I'm so sorry, but the judge has feelings, too, you know.
Hey, I understand that.
Everything is cool.
Uh, Your Honor, this isn't fair.
I tell you, it just isn't fair.
I've had just about enough of you.
Now, you sit down or I'm going to fine you for contempt!
Just do me a favor, okay?
Go easy on him, 'cause he's really a nice guy.
Aw, you're just so sweet, and so understanding.
Hey, I know. Yeah.
So understanding.
Go on, now, why don't you just step down.
Hey, thanks a lot.
Such a nice, nice boy.
Hey.
Get up, Mr. Cunningham.
I've reached a verdict.
The court finds in favor of Howard Cunningham.
And Mr. Fonzarelli must pay the $400 for the roof.
Hey, wait a minute! Wait a minute!
What happened to the "nice, nice boy"?
Time out, time out!
Oh, I meant every word of it.
You are a nice boy.
Oh, now, look, I know that that roof is over 30 years old,
and Mr. Cunningham could have offered to help you fix it,
if he was any kind of a decent human being.
But you did mislead him, ever so slightly,
and so I have no alternative.
I'm very sorry.
You're a very nice boy.
Court is adjourned.
You were right, Leo This one was a pip.
Boy am I a lawyer?
Wait'll you get my bill.
All right, Mr. Cunningham, you won fair and square.
I mean, I took a shot and I lost.
I don't know where I'm going to get the money,
but you know, like they say:
"To the victor goes the spoils."
Howard, you can drive the children home.
I'm going to take the bus.
I'm hitchhiking.
Why is everybody so mad at me?
Because I think the judge was right.
The roof was 30 years old.
You were going to have to repair it, anyway.
I mean, you're just very lucky
that you're getting it done for free.
All right, all right, I'll pay half.
Oh, Howard, you're a sweetheart. Thanks, Dad.
Thanks, Dad. Thank you, dear.
Yeah, I'm a sweetheart.
Fonzie, could I talk to you for a minute?
How come, so you can gloat?
Now look, it is an old roof,
and so I'm going to pay $200 toward it.
I mean, that's the way it should
have been settled in the first place.
That's the way friends do things.
Hey, well, let me tell you something.
As a friend, you're really a gem, Mr. Cunningham.
Yeah, I'm a sweetheart and a gem.
Fonz, listen, all the kids are going to chip in
to help you out you know,
for all the favors you've done us.
Now, I don't think we can get the whole thing,
but we can probably raise half.
Oh, Malph, Malph, I am touched, huh?
Listen: Klondike 5-3201, huh?
All right, Fonz!
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
I don't understand something.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, you break my roof and then you sue me,
you take me here to court, and you lose the case,
I put up $200 toward it, the kids get the rest of it?
I mean, how come you don't get to pay anything?
How come?
'Cause I'm the Fonz, huh? Aayyh!
I tell you, Marion,
I never thought I'd spend a whole evening pigeon sitting.
Well, you know how badly Arthur felt
when he lost them that first time,
so he didn't want to leave them alone,
he was so happy that they came back.
You know, they're kind of cute.
Yeah, aren't they?
Look how they're all snuggling up together.
Yeah.
Aren't they cute?
Oh, Howard, are you getting frisky?
Hey, I'm home!
What a time to come home.
Hey listen, thanks very much for babysitting my pals.
You didn't feed them what you eat, did you?
'Cause I'm just going to take them inside,
give them a drink of water and take them upstairs, huh?
Say good night, everybody.
Our pleasure.
Oh, they're so cute.
Oh, I'm sorry, sweetheart,
now that the pigeons are gone, I just don't feel
Good night, dear.
Fonzie!
Here you go, kids.
Can I ask you a favor? Yeah.
Would you mind, uh
leaving your pigeons with me overnight?
What did I tell Richie.
You see, I knew that you and I
had the same love for animals, huh?
Of course, Mr. C.
Good night, Mr. C., huh?
Good night, Mr. C.
See what you mean to me, huh?
You see what you mean to me?
Whoa!
Marion!
These happy days are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours and mine, Happy Days. ♪
Good-bye gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪
Rockin' and rollin' all week long ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪Oh, baby ♪
These happy days are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪