Happy Days (1974) s03e20 Episode Script
Beauty Contest
1
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪
Ready to race to you ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪Oh, baby ♪
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪
Rocking and rolling all week long ♪
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
Saturday, what a day ♪
Groovin' all week with you ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪
Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, baby ♪
These happy days ♪
Are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours ♪
And mine, Happy Days! ♪
Look at those cheerleaders, they're fantastic.
How come we never date cheerleaders?
They never pay attention to us.
Just once, just once I'd like to go out
with a bathing beauty, a model,
or even one of those cheerleaders.
Oh, Ralph, those girls aren't
going to go out with guys like us.
You ever see 'em at a sock hop?
Yeah, Potsie's right.
That kind of girl only dates halfbacks with big necks.
You know what? This reminds me of a dream I keep having.
The one where you meet Gene Autry?
No, no, I haven't had that dream in months.
What dream is this?
I dream I'm a judge in a beauty contest.
There's all these girls,
and all of them are the cheerleaders of the world.
Not okay girls like we date, but girls that are gorgeous.
Girls you would die for,
and they're all in bathing suits.
I can see them now.
There they are, walking around in front of me.
Hi, girls.
And then they start to smother me with kisses and kisses
and kisses. What happens then?
I wake up with a pillow in my mouth.
I've got to go call Lois,
tell her what time I'm picking her up.
Wait a second, sit down.
Do you know what we're doing?
We're accepting our mediocrity.
You know, you're right. We're not even trying.
I've got to make a call.
You're not listening, Pots, sit down.
Before we just settle for any more mediocre dates,
why don't we at least talk to Fonzie?
He might know what we can do.
Yeah. No, I don't need to talk to Fonzie.
I know what to do.
Really?
I read it in a magazine.
The article said the reason we never see
beautiful girls at sock hops
is because everybody's afraid to ask them out
because they're so beautiful. No kidding?
You're crazy. We'll go talk to Fonz.
You got it.
Well, wait a minute, wait.
I'll prove it.
All right, there's the cheerleaders, right?
Yeah, I'd like to ask Cynthia for a date,
so I'm going to.
I'm going to go ask her to a drive-in movie.
You're crazy.
He's crazy. He's nuts.
I'm going to do it.
Let's go talk to Fonzie.
Yay, Fonzie's free.
Hey, Fonz. Hey Fonz.
What's the matter with you guys?
What are you staring at?
What you doing, Fonz?
Well, I'm playing chess.
What does it look like I'm doing?
What do you guys want?
Fonz, we're in a dating rut.
Yeah, you know, none of us has ever dated a cheerleader.
Oh, yeah, cheerleaders.
Sis, boom, bah.
That's it, Fonz.
Yeah, well, I'll tell you something.
You're not ready for a move up like that yet,
let me tell you.
Oh, come on, Fonz, please.
I have this dream,
and I really want to see it come true.
I know, you want to meet Gene Autry.
I'm telling you, it's never going to happen.
No, Fonz, I have this other dream
where gorgeous girls keep hugging and kissing me,
kisses, kisses, kisses.
This is pitiful.
He's got this dream
he's a judge in a beauty contest.
Pretty dumb, huh, Fonz?
Now wait a minute, wait a minute.
Beauty contest That's not a bad idea.
That's what I said.
A beauty contest?
Oh, yeah.
Very pretty girls are very competitive.
All you got to do is put up a sign
that says "beauty contest,"
class chicks come running from everywhere,
including cheerleaders.
Yeah, but why would any chicks
want to enter our contest?
For the prizes. What prizes?
Well, use your imagination.
You got to sweeten the pot a little bit.
Let's see, uh, beautiful girls, huh?
You got to promise them a trip to, uh
Hollywood.
Well that's pretty expensive, Fonz.
Yeah, how are we going to pay for that?
Hey, I can't think of everything.
Gee, we thought you could.
Yeah, okay, Fonz, thanks a lot.
Yeah, thanks, Fonz.
Ho, ho, ho, ho.
The winner of the beauty contest is a phony.
What was that, Fonz?
The winner of the beauty contest is a phony.
Oh, you mean not a real girl.
It's one of us in a dress.
I'm holding a hot iron.
Hey, you guys plant the winner.
You pick a girl who won't take the prizes, huh, huh?
Wait a minute, you mean the contest is fixed?
Now I don't think that's very honest.
Hey, what is this, the World Series?
You want to move up, right?
Yeah. Yeah. Huh?
You're not going to take anybody's money, right?
I mean, you're not going to hurt anybody.
All you're doing is looking for chicks.
Everybody understands animal urges.
I got those urges.
Me, too, I say let's do it.
Yeah, but what if we got caught?
You just pick a girl you can trust, that's all.
He's right, guys.
We get a girl who won't take the prizes.
It's foolproof. Thanks, Fonz, you always
come through for us. We'll see you later.
Thanks, Fonz.
Hey, uh, you don't need any more help, right?
You can do this all by yourself, right?
Yeah, we got it, Fonz.
Oh, yeah, we're fine, Fonz.
Right.
Five, four, three, two, one.
"Hey, Fonz, uh, you got a girl we can use?"
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, I'll get you a girl.
Now get out of here, I'll never get my laundry done.
Are you guys crazy?
What do you mean? That list of prizes.
Now, look, it's bad enough
that we're offering a trip to Hollywood,
but lunch at the Brown Derby with Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.?
We had to offer more prizes.
We weren't getting enough contestants. Yeah, but that?!
I mean, why didn't you offer lunch with Marlon Brando?
Who'd believe that?
Hey you know something, Cunningham?
You are a regular worrywart.
Now, listen, I got you a girl.
She's going to win.
And don't worry about it, I won't let you down, all right?
Hey, there's the cheerleaders.
Oh, wow!
There you go, Malph, your dream come true.
I'm working on Gene Autry for you.
All right, girls, sign up, sign up.
Penmanship counts, among other things.
Whoa.
All right, look. We're in big trouble here.
We got to get out of this thing while we still can.
I knew he'd be the first one to crack.
Look, Rich, you can't make an omelet
without breaking a few eggs.
They're going to break them over our heads.
I'm telling you, you're wrong.
Wrong, wrong, wrong. Look, give me this pencil.
I'm crossing my name off this contest.
Hi, Richie.
Hi, Cynthia.
I just signed up for your beauty contest.
Yeah, I-I noticed that.
Listen, Richie, what are you doing tonight?
Tonight? Nothing.
Well, I thought maybe we could get together,
just the two of us, and discuss the rules.
We can do that.
I'll go wait in the car.
I'll start your motor.
You already did.
Well, don't you want to watch Jack Paar?
Uh-uh.
Well, what do you want to do?
Are you getting frisky?
It's only Thursday.
Oh, Cynthia.
Oh, well.
Listen, I-I really had a great time.
And, uh, thanks for picking me up
and, uh, paying for the movie and the cheeseburger.
And thanks for, uh everything.
Richie, can I come in?
We could talk some more.
Uh, well, I'm about all talked out.
I promise I won't try anything.
Oh, now, that's what you said at the drive-in movie.
I said I was sorry.
Things have changed a lot since we were kids, Marion. Shh.
Well, I'll see you tomorrow.
All day.
All day.
All day, all day ♪
Going to see ♪
Surprise.
Surprise.
You're still up.
How was your date, Rich?
Oh, my date?
It was, it was pretty good.
Rich, was she one of the contestants
for this beauty contest you're judging tomorrow?
Oh, that uh, Cynthia?
Hey, you know, as a matter of fact,
I think she yeah, she is.
What is all this about a trip to Hollywood?
Well, Arnold's sponsoring it.
You know, it's for publicity.
Isn't that nice?
I'll get it.
You stay right there.
Now who can that be?
It's either another judge,
or a last-minute contestant.
Hi, Rich, I just saw Cynthia leave.
This is unbelievable.
This beauty contest thing is
the greatest idea we've ever had.
It's wearing me down, but it's great.
It's great.
Hi, Mr. C., you're looking great, too.
They're still up.
They're still up.
Well, I just came by because I wanted to say hi to Rich.
Hi, Rich. Hi.
They're still up. Yeah.
They were just on their way upstairs
to go to bed, though.
Yes, we were. Come on, Howard.
Good night, Ralph.
Good night. Good night, Mom.
I'll be right up, sweetheart.
Hurry up, Frisky.
It's a nickname.
Sit down, fellows, I want to talk to you for a minute, huh?
Sure, Dad.
Richie?
Uh, listen, just between us guys,
a beauty contest could be a lot of fun, I'll bet, huh?
You know what I mean, huh?
Yeah, we know what you mean Yeah, between us guys
pretty good. It could be a lot of fun.
And there's nothing wrong with that.
I mean, after all, you're young, you should have fun, right?
This is the time, when you're young. We work hard in school.
It's good to have a good time.
But I do want to say
that if you're promising any prizes you can't deliver,
you're both going to be in a lot of trouble.
You know what I mean, right?
Yeah, we know what you mean. Well, that would be awful.
Good night, guys.
Good night, Mr. Cunningham.
Good night, Dad.
Marion, I'm on my way up.
I'm getting sleepy.
And now, our last contestant, Bunny Showalter!
I heard the breeze in the trees ♪
Singing weird melodies ♪
And they called it be-doop-be-doo ♪
The birth of the blues ♪
Thank you, thank you, Bunny Showalter!
Thank you, the singing hula-hoopist.
Bunny, Bunny, Bunny
Bunny, you can stop your motor now.
Thank you. Thank you.
Isn't she a wonderful talent? Yeah.
Let's bring out all the other wonderful girls
in the talent portion of our contest.
Come on out, girls!
Aren't they talented?
Yeah! All right! Let's hear it.
We're going to take a short break now
while the girls change into their swimsuits.
And, in a very few moments,
I'll be singing to the new Miss Arnold's.
Girls, right off this way, please.
Now, for your listening pleasure,
a brief musical interlude
by Mrs. Elizabeth Clopton, the mailman's wife.
Oy! That Bunny.
What lips. What a bod! What hoop control!
I'm going to vote for her.
You can't vote for her.
You got to vote for Fonzie's girl.
We all got to vote for Fonzie's girl.
Yeah, right. Which one is she?
Didn't he tell you?
No, he didn't tell me.
I thought he told
No, he wouldn't tell him.
Which one is it? Where is he?
Don't worry. Don't worry. He'll be here.
Fonzie wouldn't let us down.
He'll be here.
Oh, hey, Fonz.
Fonz, we knew you wouldn't let us down.
Yeah, yeah.
Listen. Which girl is it? I mean, you know, the winner?
Yeah. Oh, you mean that winner.
Yeah.
Yeah. Well, uh she's not here.
Well, sure she is, sure she is.
That was the whole plan, Fonz.
Yeah. Did you look under the monkey mask?
No, no. You don't understand me,
See, she's not coming here.
She's not coming here?
Yeah, that's right.
Now I know that you're a little bit disappointed.
Disappointed? Yeah.
Fonz, we're in big trouble.
Wouldn't she do it for you, Fonz?
Well, not under the circumstances, no. What circumstances?
I told her to jump off a bridge.
Oh! What?
How could you do that, Fonz?
Look, guys, you have to understand this, right?
Every time we go out,
she wants to spend the whole time with me.
I got to be free, you know?
What are we going to do?
All right, well, I'm going to go into my office.
I'm going to try to rustle up an extra chick, okay?
All right, just keep calm.
I told you this would happen.
We got to call it off.
We can't call it off.
I haven't sung yet.
Wait. Wait. Here come the girls!
We got to tell them.
It's too late for that.
It's too late. Don't worry. Don't worry.
I'll think of something.
Pots, get Arnold and announce the finalists.
What are you talking about?
We haven't even voted yet. We're voting.
Okay, you guys ready for me now?
Yeah. In a minute. In a minute.
Oh, boy, these girls are going to be so excited.
Who would have thought you guys
could come up with such terrific prizes?
Oh, I always wanted to see Hollywood myself.
Always wanted to see Grauman's Chinese Theater.
Okay, okay. Here's three names. Read them.
Oh, man, we're dead.
Okay, come on, Potsie. We're on.
All right, all right.
Uh Ladies and gentlemen, Arnold and myself are pleased
to announce the three finalists
in the Miss Arnold's Beauty Pageant.
Arnold, the envelope.
The envelope, Arnold?
Oh, I'm opening the envelope.
The envelope is open.
I'm showing Potsie the envelope.
Potsie, want to read it?
Yeah. Okay. The first finalist, Bunny Showalter!
The second finalist
Wait a minute. The first finalist not finished yet.
Okay, she finished.
Yeah, okay. The second
Hey, listen, I got a girl Friday. Can you wait?
A last-minute contestant?
How can we wait?
Hey, I'm doing the best I can, huh?
Potsie Potsie, go ahead, all right?
All right, I'm going. Hi. Uh the second finalist
Miss Cynthia Miley!
No, this is not the time. It's not the time.
Isn't she wonderful?
Bring back the first finalist.
The third, and last, finalist Ann Louise Milligan!
Did he say Ann Louise Milligan?
Yes.
Ladies and gentlemen, the three finalists
in the Miss Arnold's Beauty Pageant.
Girls, good luck, and we'll see you next year, okay?
And now the judges will mark their ballots
picking the winner of the Miss Arnold's Beauty Pageant.
I'm one of the judges.
Oh, I know.
I'll be right back.
Okay, Ralph, this is the moment of truth.
What are we going to do, huh?
How do I know?
I don't believe you!
Look, this is no time to point fingers.
I named the finalists.
Someone else think of something.
How come this never happens to Bert Parks?
All right, all right. That's it. That's it!
We'll do like they do in Miss America.
What are you talking about?
We'll ask questions, like they
do in the Miss America contest.
That's not in the program.
We don't have programs, Potsie!
Then I guess it's okay.
What good is it going to do to ask questions?
Will you just trust me?
When they answer this question,
we'll know which girl to pick.
Okay, give me the mic.
Sit over there and look like a judge.
Okay, okay.
Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Finalists, uh
this has never before happened
in the history of the Miss Arnold's Beauty Pageant,
but the judges are deadlocked. Yes.
Each judge has voted for a different girl.
So, rather than split the grand prize
of the trip to Hollywood Oh!
Lunch with Efrem Zimbalist Jr Oh!
And the costarring role
in Tony Curtis' upcoming picture Oh!
Rather than split that among all three girls,
the judges have decided to choose the lucky winner
on the basis of the answer to this special contest question.
Are you ready, girls?
Yeah.
Bunny?
Oh!
Here is the question.
Question!
Would you leave the purity
of a nice, wholesome life in Milwaukee
to go to the sin and degradation of Hollywood?
Well, I mean, gee!
I mean, I never thought of it that way before,
but, yeah, I guess I would.
I mean, I'd get to see Hollywood, you know?
I mean, right? Am I right?
Thank you very much, Bunny.
Cynthia?
Excuse me.
Now, uh let me rephrase the question.
And I want you to consider it very, very carefully.
Okay.
Would you leave your family and friends,
your neighborhood church,
and your peace of mind
to go to the lonely life of make-believe and glitter
just for a few fleeting moments of pleasure
that could well leave you empty and broke,
and left totally abandoned in some cheap hotel?
Would you do that, Cynthia?
You bet your boots I would!
Thank you.
Thank you, Cynthia.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Go back in line, Cynthia.
All right, Marie Louise
Um Ann Louise Yeah, right, whatever.
Pardon me.
Would you leave the purity of Milwaukee
to go to the sin of Hollywood?
Never!
Never? Never? You really wouldn't?
You see, I have set certain standards
and values in my life.
My allegiance lies first with God,
then my parents, and then my fellow man.
My self comes last.
Oh, that's wonder Isn't that wonderful?
Really wonderful. Yeah!
I didn't enter this contest for the prizes.
Keep going.
I only wanted to enjoy the thrill of competition
for its own sake.
Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Arnold's,
Ann Louise Milligan!
You mean I I won?
Yes. Yes, you sweet thing, you won.
You won! You're Miss Arnold's!
We did it, Rich! We did it!
Sing, Pots, sing!
The most beautiful girl in the world ♪
Picks my ties out, eats my candy, drinks my brandy ♪
The most beautiful girl in the world ♪
Would you like to say a few words?
Oh, yes! I'm very happy!
I'm going to go to Hollywood!
I'm going to be a star!
And I'll remember you all always.
The most beautiful girl in the world ♪
Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.
What about the thrill of competition for its own sake?
That was acting.
You see, I belong in Hollywood.
I deserved to win.
You mean you want the prizes?
Of course.
When does my plane leave?
The most beautiful girl in the world ♪
Potsie, will you shut up?
Picks my ties out ♪
Will you stop singing?
All right, now listen.
About the prizes,
you see, there's been a little confusion Yes.
Uh-huh? Yes?
There are no prizes.
There are no prizes?
It's a fake!
You three boys tried to fake beauty contest?
Yeah, yeah, we got to confess.
We faked it, but it was so we could meet
beautiful girls like you,
and besides, wasn't it fun?
Let's get them!
Ho, ho, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,
ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
Hey ho!
Now what's going on out here?
I can't hear myself think in there.
Fonz they faked us.
And we're going to get them!
Ho, ho, ho easy.
This contest is no fake.
I know these guys.
It just happens to be that the, uh, the prizes are, uh,
changed to something more valuable, that's all.
That's right, that's right.
The prize is now
a month of dates with the Fonz.
Yeah, right, you get me for 30 days and 30 nights.
Do with me what you will. Oh!
All right, all right, hey, hey, hey, hey,
just go wait for me on my bike, all right?
Yeah, right.
Oh, thanks, Fonz, thanks a lot.
That was really close.
That cowgirl wanted to string me up.
Can I go to the ladies' room?
Oh, yes, yeah, go ahead,
you played beautifully tonight.
You were wonderful.
Of course.
Well, I think that we learned
some very valuable lessons here tonight.
We did, Fonz? What did we learn, Fonz?
The best dishonest laid plans
of mice, men or nerds usually go awry,
but the Fonz always comes through, aaayyh!
Fonzie, I'm waiting.
Yeah, I'm sure you are.
All right, listen,
I'll see you guys in a month, huh?
Oh, the sacrifices I make for you.
All right, Ann Louise, your prize is coming.
Aaayyh!
Wa-wa-wa-wah. ♪
I don't understand you.
How could you do something like that?
You know a lot of those girls' fathers are very upset?
I mean, they've been calling me up all day long.
One of them even threatened to punch me right in the nose.
You've embarrassed your whole family,
you made a fool out of yourself.
You're going to be punished for this.
You are grounded for two weeks.
And for what, a couple of dates?
A few good times?
Looking at a lot of girls in bathing suits,
was all that worth it?
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free Oh, happy days ♪
These happy days are yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪
Good-bye gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪
Rockin' and rollin' all week long ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪Oh, baby ♪
These happy days are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪
Ready to race to you ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪Oh, baby ♪
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪
Rocking and rolling all week long ♪
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
Saturday, what a day ♪
Groovin' all week with you ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪
Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, baby ♪
These happy days ♪
Are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours ♪
And mine, Happy Days! ♪
Look at those cheerleaders, they're fantastic.
How come we never date cheerleaders?
They never pay attention to us.
Just once, just once I'd like to go out
with a bathing beauty, a model,
or even one of those cheerleaders.
Oh, Ralph, those girls aren't
going to go out with guys like us.
You ever see 'em at a sock hop?
Yeah, Potsie's right.
That kind of girl only dates halfbacks with big necks.
You know what? This reminds me of a dream I keep having.
The one where you meet Gene Autry?
No, no, I haven't had that dream in months.
What dream is this?
I dream I'm a judge in a beauty contest.
There's all these girls,
and all of them are the cheerleaders of the world.
Not okay girls like we date, but girls that are gorgeous.
Girls you would die for,
and they're all in bathing suits.
I can see them now.
There they are, walking around in front of me.
Hi, girls.
And then they start to smother me with kisses and kisses
and kisses. What happens then?
I wake up with a pillow in my mouth.
I've got to go call Lois,
tell her what time I'm picking her up.
Wait a second, sit down.
Do you know what we're doing?
We're accepting our mediocrity.
You know, you're right. We're not even trying.
I've got to make a call.
You're not listening, Pots, sit down.
Before we just settle for any more mediocre dates,
why don't we at least talk to Fonzie?
He might know what we can do.
Yeah. No, I don't need to talk to Fonzie.
I know what to do.
Really?
I read it in a magazine.
The article said the reason we never see
beautiful girls at sock hops
is because everybody's afraid to ask them out
because they're so beautiful. No kidding?
You're crazy. We'll go talk to Fonz.
You got it.
Well, wait a minute, wait.
I'll prove it.
All right, there's the cheerleaders, right?
Yeah, I'd like to ask Cynthia for a date,
so I'm going to.
I'm going to go ask her to a drive-in movie.
You're crazy.
He's crazy. He's nuts.
I'm going to do it.
Let's go talk to Fonzie.
Yay, Fonzie's free.
Hey, Fonz. Hey Fonz.
What's the matter with you guys?
What are you staring at?
What you doing, Fonz?
Well, I'm playing chess.
What does it look like I'm doing?
What do you guys want?
Fonz, we're in a dating rut.
Yeah, you know, none of us has ever dated a cheerleader.
Oh, yeah, cheerleaders.
Sis, boom, bah.
That's it, Fonz.
Yeah, well, I'll tell you something.
You're not ready for a move up like that yet,
let me tell you.
Oh, come on, Fonz, please.
I have this dream,
and I really want to see it come true.
I know, you want to meet Gene Autry.
I'm telling you, it's never going to happen.
No, Fonz, I have this other dream
where gorgeous girls keep hugging and kissing me,
kisses, kisses, kisses.
This is pitiful.
He's got this dream
he's a judge in a beauty contest.
Pretty dumb, huh, Fonz?
Now wait a minute, wait a minute.
Beauty contest That's not a bad idea.
That's what I said.
A beauty contest?
Oh, yeah.
Very pretty girls are very competitive.
All you got to do is put up a sign
that says "beauty contest,"
class chicks come running from everywhere,
including cheerleaders.
Yeah, but why would any chicks
want to enter our contest?
For the prizes. What prizes?
Well, use your imagination.
You got to sweeten the pot a little bit.
Let's see, uh, beautiful girls, huh?
You got to promise them a trip to, uh
Hollywood.
Well that's pretty expensive, Fonz.
Yeah, how are we going to pay for that?
Hey, I can't think of everything.
Gee, we thought you could.
Yeah, okay, Fonz, thanks a lot.
Yeah, thanks, Fonz.
Ho, ho, ho, ho.
The winner of the beauty contest is a phony.
What was that, Fonz?
The winner of the beauty contest is a phony.
Oh, you mean not a real girl.
It's one of us in a dress.
I'm holding a hot iron.
Hey, you guys plant the winner.
You pick a girl who won't take the prizes, huh, huh?
Wait a minute, you mean the contest is fixed?
Now I don't think that's very honest.
Hey, what is this, the World Series?
You want to move up, right?
Yeah. Yeah. Huh?
You're not going to take anybody's money, right?
I mean, you're not going to hurt anybody.
All you're doing is looking for chicks.
Everybody understands animal urges.
I got those urges.
Me, too, I say let's do it.
Yeah, but what if we got caught?
You just pick a girl you can trust, that's all.
He's right, guys.
We get a girl who won't take the prizes.
It's foolproof. Thanks, Fonz, you always
come through for us. We'll see you later.
Thanks, Fonz.
Hey, uh, you don't need any more help, right?
You can do this all by yourself, right?
Yeah, we got it, Fonz.
Oh, yeah, we're fine, Fonz.
Right.
Five, four, three, two, one.
"Hey, Fonz, uh, you got a girl we can use?"
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, I'll get you a girl.
Now get out of here, I'll never get my laundry done.
Are you guys crazy?
What do you mean? That list of prizes.
Now, look, it's bad enough
that we're offering a trip to Hollywood,
but lunch at the Brown Derby with Efrem Zimbalist, Jr.?
We had to offer more prizes.
We weren't getting enough contestants. Yeah, but that?!
I mean, why didn't you offer lunch with Marlon Brando?
Who'd believe that?
Hey you know something, Cunningham?
You are a regular worrywart.
Now, listen, I got you a girl.
She's going to win.
And don't worry about it, I won't let you down, all right?
Hey, there's the cheerleaders.
Oh, wow!
There you go, Malph, your dream come true.
I'm working on Gene Autry for you.
All right, girls, sign up, sign up.
Penmanship counts, among other things.
Whoa.
All right, look. We're in big trouble here.
We got to get out of this thing while we still can.
I knew he'd be the first one to crack.
Look, Rich, you can't make an omelet
without breaking a few eggs.
They're going to break them over our heads.
I'm telling you, you're wrong.
Wrong, wrong, wrong. Look, give me this pencil.
I'm crossing my name off this contest.
Hi, Richie.
Hi, Cynthia.
I just signed up for your beauty contest.
Yeah, I-I noticed that.
Listen, Richie, what are you doing tonight?
Tonight? Nothing.
Well, I thought maybe we could get together,
just the two of us, and discuss the rules.
We can do that.
I'll go wait in the car.
I'll start your motor.
You already did.
Well, don't you want to watch Jack Paar?
Uh-uh.
Well, what do you want to do?
Are you getting frisky?
It's only Thursday.
Oh, Cynthia.
Oh, well.
Listen, I-I really had a great time.
And, uh, thanks for picking me up
and, uh, paying for the movie and the cheeseburger.
And thanks for, uh everything.
Richie, can I come in?
We could talk some more.
Uh, well, I'm about all talked out.
I promise I won't try anything.
Oh, now, that's what you said at the drive-in movie.
I said I was sorry.
Things have changed a lot since we were kids, Marion. Shh.
Well, I'll see you tomorrow.
All day.
All day.
All day, all day ♪
Going to see ♪
Surprise.
Surprise.
You're still up.
How was your date, Rich?
Oh, my date?
It was, it was pretty good.
Rich, was she one of the contestants
for this beauty contest you're judging tomorrow?
Oh, that uh, Cynthia?
Hey, you know, as a matter of fact,
I think she yeah, she is.
What is all this about a trip to Hollywood?
Well, Arnold's sponsoring it.
You know, it's for publicity.
Isn't that nice?
I'll get it.
You stay right there.
Now who can that be?
It's either another judge,
or a last-minute contestant.
Hi, Rich, I just saw Cynthia leave.
This is unbelievable.
This beauty contest thing is
the greatest idea we've ever had.
It's wearing me down, but it's great.
It's great.
Hi, Mr. C., you're looking great, too.
They're still up.
They're still up.
Well, I just came by because I wanted to say hi to Rich.
Hi, Rich. Hi.
They're still up. Yeah.
They were just on their way upstairs
to go to bed, though.
Yes, we were. Come on, Howard.
Good night, Ralph.
Good night. Good night, Mom.
I'll be right up, sweetheart.
Hurry up, Frisky.
It's a nickname.
Sit down, fellows, I want to talk to you for a minute, huh?
Sure, Dad.
Richie?
Uh, listen, just between us guys,
a beauty contest could be a lot of fun, I'll bet, huh?
You know what I mean, huh?
Yeah, we know what you mean Yeah, between us guys
pretty good. It could be a lot of fun.
And there's nothing wrong with that.
I mean, after all, you're young, you should have fun, right?
This is the time, when you're young. We work hard in school.
It's good to have a good time.
But I do want to say
that if you're promising any prizes you can't deliver,
you're both going to be in a lot of trouble.
You know what I mean, right?
Yeah, we know what you mean. Well, that would be awful.
Good night, guys.
Good night, Mr. Cunningham.
Good night, Dad.
Marion, I'm on my way up.
I'm getting sleepy.
And now, our last contestant, Bunny Showalter!
I heard the breeze in the trees ♪
Singing weird melodies ♪
And they called it be-doop-be-doo ♪
The birth of the blues ♪
Thank you, thank you, Bunny Showalter!
Thank you, the singing hula-hoopist.
Bunny, Bunny, Bunny
Bunny, you can stop your motor now.
Thank you. Thank you.
Isn't she a wonderful talent? Yeah.
Let's bring out all the other wonderful girls
in the talent portion of our contest.
Come on out, girls!
Aren't they talented?
Yeah! All right! Let's hear it.
We're going to take a short break now
while the girls change into their swimsuits.
And, in a very few moments,
I'll be singing to the new Miss Arnold's.
Girls, right off this way, please.
Now, for your listening pleasure,
a brief musical interlude
by Mrs. Elizabeth Clopton, the mailman's wife.
Oy! That Bunny.
What lips. What a bod! What hoop control!
I'm going to vote for her.
You can't vote for her.
You got to vote for Fonzie's girl.
We all got to vote for Fonzie's girl.
Yeah, right. Which one is she?
Didn't he tell you?
No, he didn't tell me.
I thought he told
No, he wouldn't tell him.
Which one is it? Where is he?
Don't worry. Don't worry. He'll be here.
Fonzie wouldn't let us down.
He'll be here.
Oh, hey, Fonz.
Fonz, we knew you wouldn't let us down.
Yeah, yeah.
Listen. Which girl is it? I mean, you know, the winner?
Yeah. Oh, you mean that winner.
Yeah.
Yeah. Well, uh she's not here.
Well, sure she is, sure she is.
That was the whole plan, Fonz.
Yeah. Did you look under the monkey mask?
No, no. You don't understand me,
See, she's not coming here.
She's not coming here?
Yeah, that's right.
Now I know that you're a little bit disappointed.
Disappointed? Yeah.
Fonz, we're in big trouble.
Wouldn't she do it for you, Fonz?
Well, not under the circumstances, no. What circumstances?
I told her to jump off a bridge.
Oh! What?
How could you do that, Fonz?
Look, guys, you have to understand this, right?
Every time we go out,
she wants to spend the whole time with me.
I got to be free, you know?
What are we going to do?
All right, well, I'm going to go into my office.
I'm going to try to rustle up an extra chick, okay?
All right, just keep calm.
I told you this would happen.
We got to call it off.
We can't call it off.
I haven't sung yet.
Wait. Wait. Here come the girls!
We got to tell them.
It's too late for that.
It's too late. Don't worry. Don't worry.
I'll think of something.
Pots, get Arnold and announce the finalists.
What are you talking about?
We haven't even voted yet. We're voting.
Okay, you guys ready for me now?
Yeah. In a minute. In a minute.
Oh, boy, these girls are going to be so excited.
Who would have thought you guys
could come up with such terrific prizes?
Oh, I always wanted to see Hollywood myself.
Always wanted to see Grauman's Chinese Theater.
Okay, okay. Here's three names. Read them.
Oh, man, we're dead.
Okay, come on, Potsie. We're on.
All right, all right.
Uh Ladies and gentlemen, Arnold and myself are pleased
to announce the three finalists
in the Miss Arnold's Beauty Pageant.
Arnold, the envelope.
The envelope, Arnold?
Oh, I'm opening the envelope.
The envelope is open.
I'm showing Potsie the envelope.
Potsie, want to read it?
Yeah. Okay. The first finalist, Bunny Showalter!
The second finalist
Wait a minute. The first finalist not finished yet.
Okay, she finished.
Yeah, okay. The second
Hey, listen, I got a girl Friday. Can you wait?
A last-minute contestant?
How can we wait?
Hey, I'm doing the best I can, huh?
Potsie Potsie, go ahead, all right?
All right, I'm going. Hi. Uh the second finalist
Miss Cynthia Miley!
No, this is not the time. It's not the time.
Isn't she wonderful?
Bring back the first finalist.
The third, and last, finalist Ann Louise Milligan!
Did he say Ann Louise Milligan?
Yes.
Ladies and gentlemen, the three finalists
in the Miss Arnold's Beauty Pageant.
Girls, good luck, and we'll see you next year, okay?
And now the judges will mark their ballots
picking the winner of the Miss Arnold's Beauty Pageant.
I'm one of the judges.
Oh, I know.
I'll be right back.
Okay, Ralph, this is the moment of truth.
What are we going to do, huh?
How do I know?
I don't believe you!
Look, this is no time to point fingers.
I named the finalists.
Someone else think of something.
How come this never happens to Bert Parks?
All right, all right. That's it. That's it!
We'll do like they do in Miss America.
What are you talking about?
We'll ask questions, like they
do in the Miss America contest.
That's not in the program.
We don't have programs, Potsie!
Then I guess it's okay.
What good is it going to do to ask questions?
Will you just trust me?
When they answer this question,
we'll know which girl to pick.
Okay, give me the mic.
Sit over there and look like a judge.
Okay, okay.
Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Finalists, uh
this has never before happened
in the history of the Miss Arnold's Beauty Pageant,
but the judges are deadlocked. Yes.
Each judge has voted for a different girl.
So, rather than split the grand prize
of the trip to Hollywood Oh!
Lunch with Efrem Zimbalist Jr Oh!
And the costarring role
in Tony Curtis' upcoming picture Oh!
Rather than split that among all three girls,
the judges have decided to choose the lucky winner
on the basis of the answer to this special contest question.
Are you ready, girls?
Yeah.
Bunny?
Oh!
Here is the question.
Question!
Would you leave the purity
of a nice, wholesome life in Milwaukee
to go to the sin and degradation of Hollywood?
Well, I mean, gee!
I mean, I never thought of it that way before,
but, yeah, I guess I would.
I mean, I'd get to see Hollywood, you know?
I mean, right? Am I right?
Thank you very much, Bunny.
Cynthia?
Excuse me.
Now, uh let me rephrase the question.
And I want you to consider it very, very carefully.
Okay.
Would you leave your family and friends,
your neighborhood church,
and your peace of mind
to go to the lonely life of make-believe and glitter
just for a few fleeting moments of pleasure
that could well leave you empty and broke,
and left totally abandoned in some cheap hotel?
Would you do that, Cynthia?
You bet your boots I would!
Thank you.
Thank you, Cynthia.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Go back in line, Cynthia.
All right, Marie Louise
Um Ann Louise Yeah, right, whatever.
Pardon me.
Would you leave the purity of Milwaukee
to go to the sin of Hollywood?
Never!
Never? Never? You really wouldn't?
You see, I have set certain standards
and values in my life.
My allegiance lies first with God,
then my parents, and then my fellow man.
My self comes last.
Oh, that's wonder Isn't that wonderful?
Really wonderful. Yeah!
I didn't enter this contest for the prizes.
Keep going.
I only wanted to enjoy the thrill of competition
for its own sake.
Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Arnold's,
Ann Louise Milligan!
You mean I I won?
Yes. Yes, you sweet thing, you won.
You won! You're Miss Arnold's!
We did it, Rich! We did it!
Sing, Pots, sing!
The most beautiful girl in the world ♪
Picks my ties out, eats my candy, drinks my brandy ♪
The most beautiful girl in the world ♪
Would you like to say a few words?
Oh, yes! I'm very happy!
I'm going to go to Hollywood!
I'm going to be a star!
And I'll remember you all always.
The most beautiful girl in the world ♪
Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.
What about the thrill of competition for its own sake?
That was acting.
You see, I belong in Hollywood.
I deserved to win.
You mean you want the prizes?
Of course.
When does my plane leave?
The most beautiful girl in the world ♪
Potsie, will you shut up?
Picks my ties out ♪
Will you stop singing?
All right, now listen.
About the prizes,
you see, there's been a little confusion Yes.
Uh-huh? Yes?
There are no prizes.
There are no prizes?
It's a fake!
You three boys tried to fake beauty contest?
Yeah, yeah, we got to confess.
We faked it, but it was so we could meet
beautiful girls like you,
and besides, wasn't it fun?
Let's get them!
Ho, ho, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,
ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
Hey ho!
Now what's going on out here?
I can't hear myself think in there.
Fonz they faked us.
And we're going to get them!
Ho, ho, ho easy.
This contest is no fake.
I know these guys.
It just happens to be that the, uh, the prizes are, uh,
changed to something more valuable, that's all.
That's right, that's right.
The prize is now
a month of dates with the Fonz.
Yeah, right, you get me for 30 days and 30 nights.
Do with me what you will. Oh!
All right, all right, hey, hey, hey, hey,
just go wait for me on my bike, all right?
Yeah, right.
Oh, thanks, Fonz, thanks a lot.
That was really close.
That cowgirl wanted to string me up.
Can I go to the ladies' room?
Oh, yes, yeah, go ahead,
you played beautifully tonight.
You were wonderful.
Of course.
Well, I think that we learned
some very valuable lessons here tonight.
We did, Fonz? What did we learn, Fonz?
The best dishonest laid plans
of mice, men or nerds usually go awry,
but the Fonz always comes through, aaayyh!
Fonzie, I'm waiting.
Yeah, I'm sure you are.
All right, listen,
I'll see you guys in a month, huh?
Oh, the sacrifices I make for you.
All right, Ann Louise, your prize is coming.
Aaayyh!
Wa-wa-wa-wah. ♪
I don't understand you.
How could you do something like that?
You know a lot of those girls' fathers are very upset?
I mean, they've been calling me up all day long.
One of them even threatened to punch me right in the nose.
You've embarrassed your whole family,
you made a fool out of yourself.
You're going to be punished for this.
You are grounded for two weeks.
And for what, a couple of dates?
A few good times?
Looking at a lot of girls in bathing suits,
was all that worth it?
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free Oh, happy days ♪
These happy days are yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪
Good-bye gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪
Rockin' and rollin' all week long ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪Oh, baby ♪
These happy days are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪