Happy Days (1974) s03e21 Episode Script

1
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪
Ready to race to you ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪Oh, baby ♪
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪
Rocking and rolling all week long ♪
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
Saturday, what a day ♪
Groovin' all week with you ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪
Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, baby ♪
These happy days ♪
Are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours ♪
And mine, Happy Days! ♪
Wake up, Little Susie, wake up ♪
Happy Days is filmed before a live audience.
Wake up, Little Susie, wake up ♪
The movie wasn't so hot ♪
Cunningham, I need a favor, huh?
My nephew Spike is staying with me for about a week.
See, his aunt's got a, uh, a reserve meeting
at the Great Lakes Naval Station.
Oh, you want me to drive her?
No, no, no, she's being picked up by a convoy truck.
I need you to take Spike out, you know,
take him to the movies, just amuse him, huh?
Don't let him cramp my style.
Oh, well, I can't, Fonz.
See, I got to go to Chicago on Monday for two weeks.
Hey, you in some kind of trouble?
No, no. That's what you think.
Oh, I got to go, Fonz.
See, I'm going, I'm going to this journalism class
at Northwestern, and they only invite a few students
from all around the country, and I get
college credit and everything, it's really great.
Oh, gee willikers.
Besides, Fonz,
I mean, you can handle Spike.
Yeah, I guess so. Yeah.
All right, so go to Chicago.
That's more important than doing me a favor.
Oh, thanks.
Now, you know I'd do it if I could.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Uh, you know, I forgot one thing.
Uh, I still need to ask you a favor.
Cunningham, you got guts.
Uh, do you think that you could loan me some money?
Oh, I do a million favors for this man,
a million favors, and now I am a bank.
Yeah, but there's see, there's going to be girls there
from all over the country, you know, and I can't ask
my father for any more money.
He thinks I'm going there to study.
Right, right, listen, the Fonz just gives and gives
and gives and then, I ask for one favor, right?
One favor, and what is it?
Off to Chicago.
Yeah, I feel bad about it.
Think you could make it a 20?
You and your warm milk.
First you say it's too hot,
then it's too cold, if this isn't good enough,
you can fix it yourself.
Mmm, it's just perfect.
Good, 'cause that's all you're going to get.
I'm going to bed as soon as Joanie gets home.
Oh, one other thing, please, sweetheart,
would you give me some Fig Newtons?
Oh, Howard, you've got two good legs.
Not as good as yours, Marion.
A man drinking warm milk shouldn't get frisky.
I am sorry, dear,
but I can only do this when Richie is gone.
When he's here, he eats all the cookies.
Boy, how that kid can eat cookies.
Now who could that be this late at night?
I don't know, but I'm hiding the Fig Newtons.
All right.
Listen, I want to tell you something.
I'm very sorry I'm knocking so late, see,
but my date is such a slow driver.
She stops for all the red lights, huh?
Listen, uh, can I borrow some milk?
Oh, isn't that a shame?
We've only got half a quart left.
Hey, that's plenty, thanks a lot.
Now isn't that sweet the way Arthur
takes care of little Spike?
Milk for a growing boy.
Oh, I got to tell you something, this ain't for Spike.
It's for the Fonz, huh.
Hey, Fig Newtons. Hey, that's
Help yourself.
I just did. Thanks a lot.
Hey, Uncle Fonz, I've been waiting for you.
Oh, right, hey, don't you knock?
I try not to make a habit of it.
Hey, huh, that's a clever kid,
just like his Uncle Fonz.
Hey, look, I need your key. I'm going out.
Hey, sure, yeah.
Wait a minute, you let this kid
go out at 10:00 at night?
Hey, tell Mr. Goody Two-shoes
here to mind his milk and cookies.
Let us show some respect for old people, all right?
Now listen,
when you come home and my doormat is upside down,
you'd better knock or you'll never use that hand again.
Got it. There you go.
But Arthur, I thought your date already left.
Hey, you're talking to the Fonz here.
I got a responsibility to girls.
I'm on call 24 hours a day.
Hi. Where have you been, young lady?
You should have been here 20 minutes ago.
Hey, is this little Joanie?
Yeah, this is little Joanie.
You're looking better.
Well, got to split. Chicks are waiting.
Aayh.
Well, where's he going?
He's got a date.
Oh, wait a minute.
I don't get this.
I get yelled at for getting home 20 minutes late,
and he's just going out?
Will someone please explain that to me?
Explain that to her, sweetheart.
Well, Joanie, we want you in bed at 10:00,
but while Spike is here, Arthur is his parent,
so Arthur makes his rules.
Oh, then he can stay out as late as he wants?
That's right, dear.
You know, you people could learn a lot from Fonzie.
Aaayyh!
Will you go to bed?
Boy, there's a whole world going on out there.
But I never see it.
You can see it from upstairs.
Hey, listen, I got to go.
Uh, Fonzie, if I'm not out of place,
could I talk to you for a minute?
Now how could you be out of place?
This is your place.
I'll tell you, it's about Spike.
You know, he's still a youngster,
and, well, I think he could use some discipline.
You know, a set of rules to live by.
Hey, Mr. C, the kid lives by the same rules as the Fonz.
"Live fast, love hard, and don't
let anybody else use your comb."
Aayyh.
Well, I'm not so sure that's the best set of rules.
Why not? I've been on the road since I was six
and look how I turned out, whoa.
I guess there are exceptions. Yeah.
But I think Spike needs a father.
Oh, Mr. C, hey, I'm receiving your drift,
and I want to tell you something, I'm touched.
What are you talking about?
Oh, come on, you want to adopt Spike.
Are you kidding?!
All right, you want to send him to college.
I don't even want to send him to day camp.
I merely suggested that you should have someone
to play the role of a father for him.
Oh, hey, that's not me, man, I'm just his cousin.
Cousin? Well, how come he calls you "Uncle Fonzie"?
Hey, why not? He's little, I'm big, you know.
I mean, you didn't really think I was his uncle, did you?
Well, I just assumed that, uh
No, come on, how could I be his uncle?
I'm an only child.
Let me tell you something, Mr. C.
When they made the Fonz, they broke the mold.
Whoa!
He took my Fig Newtons.
Marion, the milk is cold again.
Oh, not again.
I'm going to bed.
Yeah, but sweetheart, it's got to be warmed up.
Howard, sit on it.
Doo, wah, doo-oo, wah ♪
Doo, wah, doo-oo, wah, ooh. ♪
Hey, great, Spike ain't here yet.
Who's Spike, your dog?
Hey, what's the difference?
It's just you and me, huh, Gigi?
Just like in the movies, you want to see
my imitation of Maurice Chevalier?
Hey, what's the matter, you don't like Chevalier?
Will you get over here?
What are you doing here so early?
Fonz, it's 11:00. Is that Spike?
Yeah, he's a cute, little devil, ain't he?
He was just on his way out, too.
As a matter of fact, I was Fonz,
but first I got to talk to you about something.
Look, uh, maybe I'd better go home.
Oh, no, I think that, uh,
this is home, you should stay right here.
Why don't you plant yourself?
You'll be very happy you did.
All right, listen, uh, Spike was just going to go out, huh?
At 11:00?
Oh, he's a late sleeper. Look, here.
Here is a quarter.
If you rush you, you can catch the late show
down at the Rialto; It's a double feature
where Abbott and Costello meet each other.
Okay, Fonz, but I got to talk to you
about something It's important.
See, Fonz, I got this great chance
to make some real big money.
You do? Well, then you pay for the movies yourself.
Look, if you hurry up you won't miss the cartoon.
Now get out of here, all right?
Okay, Fonz, but this is really big.
I got to know what you think.
You want to know what I think? This is what I think.
I think first of all, you're old enough
to make your own decisions, I think second of all,
if it sounds good, you take it,
and third of all, you are cramping my style.
Now will you get out of here?
Okay, Fonz, if you say so.
I say so.
Hello.
Now, where were we?
Oh, you were going to let me hear
your imitation of Chevalier.
Hey, are you crazy? I don't speak French.
I only think it.
Bang, ba-ba bang, be-bow, bow-bow-bow. ♪
Oh, yeah, Ralph, it's a lot of fun.
You know, Northwestern has a great journalism department.
So, you got any good stories to tell us, huh?
Well, yeah, I, uh, I met this really nice girl and we
Yeah? Yeah?
She kissed you there?
Where? Right in front of the stockyards.
Give me that. I'm talking to him.
Now come on, Rich, give us some addresses.
Come on, come on, you guys, break it up.
Come on, pal. Get off the phone.
I been closed a half hour ago.
Okay, Arnold, just a few more minutes.
No few more minutes, you say good-bye now.
But it's, Richie, long distance.
Oh, Richie, long distance. Here.
Hi, Richie.
Yeah, this Arnold, everything is fine here.
All the same, I still got a moustache.
He's laughing.
Yeah, look, I got to close up now.
You be a good boy, okay?
Okay, I'll see you next week.
Yeah, sayonara.
That mean "adios."
See, I saved you money.
Arnold, he was paying.
Who care?
Now come on, I got to clean the bathroom,
I got no time for small talk, you guys.
Oh, come on, Arnold, who are you kidding.
You never clean the bathrooms.
Oh, who tell you that?
I clean the bathroom the first of every month.
Right, sweetheart?
There, you see?
It's important. I find money on the floor.
Talk about cheap.
You talk about cheap outside.
Come on, you guys, get out of here.
Right in the middle of a good story.
Come on, Arnold, we haven't even got any address.
See if I buy hamburgers here.
Yeah, yeah, you close the door behind you.
Lock it shut.
Oh, those crazy kids, huh?
They eat at home, come here and use the telephone.
No wonder, all the business in the toilet.
What? Yeah, you're right, that's not funny.
Boy, look at this, Arnold talking to a mop.
Next thing you know, carry me off to the funny farm.
Hurry up, runt!
Is the coast clear?
I don't know yet.
Well, find out!
All clear.
Okay, come around here and open up the door.
Make it fast! Okay, okay, I'm going.
Okay, runt, you done your job.
It's up to the Moose now.
Let's see.
Bingo!
It's loaded with green stuff!
Hey. Get your hands off.
I'm running this show.
45 Hey, let's split. What if someone sees us?
Hey!
Somebody sees us, we just bust them in two!
There must be a week's worth of income in here.
Bobo, I told you we can do it.
We can do this anytime we want.
Arnold! Robbers!
Let's get out of here! Come on, kid!
Why you come Help, I'm being robbed!
I'm being robbed! Let me go!
Stop. Let go of me!
Stop, kid! Let go!
Stop! I'm being robbed, help!
I got you! Ooh, I got you.
La, la, la, la ♪
Sha-la-la. ♪
Hey, Arnie?
In here. All right.
All right, where's Spike? Inside.
Oh, that's great. By now, he might be out a window.
No, no, that window okay.
Lot of guys try to get out, don't pay the checks.
Arnold catch wise, that window now shut.
All right, get him out here.
I'll have this straightened out in a minute.
Listen, Fonzie, I didn't call the police right away
because, uh, I don't want to get Spike in trouble, you know?
I want to tell you something.
I really appreciate that, okay?
I did lose a lot of money.
I got to call the police sometime.
All right, listen, I'll make you a deal give me an hour.
If I don't get your money back, you call the cops then.
All right, fair enough?
You throw in a free lube job?
Hey, you got it.
You got a hour.
Okay, listen, uh, while you're at it,
why don't you throw a hamburger on the grill?
I'm starved, huh?
Hamburger?
I just cleaned the grill.
Well, that's good; Maybe it'll taste better.
Listen, while you're at it,
why don't you throw one on for the kid, too?
Okay, okay, I got it, two hamburgers.
Right. This a crazy business.
First the kid take my money, now he take my food.
Yeah?
Get out here, it's the Fonz!
They got me on a bum rap.
I tell you, I didn't do it.
I got to see a mouthpiece.
I'll give you a mouthpiece.
Ooh
You ain't nothin' but a hound dog ♪
Not now!
Let me ask you one question, all right?
Where did I go wrong, huh?
Where did I go wrong?
Why did you do this?
You said if it sounds like a good deal, I should take it.
Oh, yeah, but I never thought
you were going to rob Arnold's.
Hey, I tried to tell you,
but you ran me out of your apartment, didn't you?
All right, all right, I did that, I did that.
I'm not the world's greatest parent yet.
But people get busy, Spike, huh?
That doesn't give you free reign to go out there
and start your own little crime wave.
All right, now, just tell me something, just tell me.
Who else was in on it with you?
Fonz, you want me to rat on those guys?
No, it is not like that at all, Spike.
Look, I just want to get the money back,
so everything is cool.
Now, what do you say?
Sounds like you want me to rat.
The Fonz does not argue with children.
What are you going to do now? I am going
to call somebody who handles kids.
I am going to call a professional father.
You're going to call a priest?
No, not that kind of father.
I am going to call Father Cunningham.
Yeah, all right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, ooh ♪
Yeah, ooh, yeah, ooh, yeah ♪
Ooh ♪
Hey, Fonzie, I came as fast as I could.
Oh, yeah, now, listen, uh,
you understand the situation, right?
Well, I understand it,
but I don't know what you expect me to do about it.
Yeah. Oh, hi, Mr. C.
Arnold.
Hey, Arnie, no pickles on the next one.
They all come with pickles.
You don't like pickles, you take the pickles off.
Spike, get in there.
Could I have one with pickles?
You hungry? You hungry?
All right, hey, Arnie,
would you fix Mr. C. A hamburger, please?
I don't do business this good when I'm open.
All right, uh, Mr. C., we got a half an hour.
There's the kid, do your stuff.
Wai-Wait a minute, wait a minute.
What stuff?
Well you know, the old father-son routine,
the big speech like you give Richie,
you know, a little of that, uh, Father Knows Best.
Oh, come on, Fonzie, it doesn't work that way.
I mean, I don't have any ready-made,
"don't you know it's wrong to rob a drive-in" speeches.
All right, well, listen,
just give him any speech, all right?
Uh, just as long as it sounds a little Robert Young-ish.
The whole point is
that I do not have a big magical bag of speeches.
Oh, yeah, then how come Richie is so clean-cut?
Well, it's not from an occasional pep talk.
No, it, it comes from years of living with him,
being an example, building up a-a long-lasting relationship.
Okay, Mr. C.,
how about a Reader's Digest version, all right?
No.
Besides, I'll tell you something else.
Spike won't listen to me, he doesn't respect me.
How can you reason with a little kid
who refers to you only as Ace?
Yeah he calls you Ace.
If Spike's got any magical speech coming to him, Fonzie,
it's got to come from you
because you're the only one he respects.
I don't do that.
Well, you'd better start doing that.
I don't even know what to say to the kid.
Well, it's easy.
You just say, "Spike"
Spike.
You say, "You see, it's this way, Spike."
It's this way, Spike.
"Life is funny."
Life is funny. Yeah, the, uh
"the road to experience is fraught with pitfalls
and a man must be careful where he steps."
I, uh, think you're stepping in it yourself, Mr. C.
I am?
Oh, yeah, that sounds a little cornball if you ask me.
Yeah.
Well, if you saw Robert Young say it, you'd love it.
I'm just giving an example.
Look,
Fonzie, do you think what Spike did tonight was wrong?
Well, yeah, of course.
Well, then, just tell him why you think it was wrong.
All right, all right, I'll just tell him
why I think it was wrong.
And don't be nervous
because there's nothing to be scared about.
Hey, the Fonz ain't nervous.
Spike, get out here!
Now, look, if it's all right with you,
I'm going to go on home and leave you two guys alone,
huh? Oh, uh, listen, Mr. C.,
if you could just stick around a little bit,
I might need to ask you something, you know.
Okay, okay.
Uh, tell you what, I'll just sit over here.
Well, that's a little bit close, you know?
Well, then, I'll wait in the kitchen.
Yeah, Arnie doesn't like anybody in the kitchen.
Where would you like me to wait, Fonzie?
Uh, my office is free.
The men's room?
Okay.
If you need me, I'll be in the men's room.
Yeah, just don't try to climb out the window.
It's nailed shut.
Do you think maybe I could have a chair?
Oh, there's plenty of places for you to sit down in there.
Call me when my burger's ready.
All right, Spike.
I think we're going to have a little talk.
I thought we just had one.
Well, we're going to have another one, see.
'Cause there are things you got to understand.
Spike, I'm going to give it to you straight,
'cause I ain't no choirboy myself.
Yeah, I know, that's why you're cool.
Hey.
The thing is, Spike, that, uh,
you got to understand something.
There is a very big difference
between a life of cool and a life of crime, see?
Now, you want to be like the Fonz, right?
Who doesn't?
Good point. Good point.
All right, now let me tell you something.
I think you got a, a mixed-up idea
about what the Fonz is all about, see?
Now, all right, I would not win any medals for good conduct,
but I have never done anything that I am ashamed of
like climbing in a window in the middle of the night,
stealing somebody's else's money.
You think that's cool?
I think that's garbage!
Okay, Fonz, I made a mistake.
No.
Two plus two equals five, that's a mistake.
What you did is mean, downright mean.
Now, why did you do this?
What else am I going to do to make money?
I'm not real good in school.
Well, what am I, a Rhodes scholar?
But I can't do what you do.
You're good with cars.
I am great with cars.
Well, I'm not.
So that's it, huh?
This whole thing is
because you can't figure out what to do, huh?
You're 12 years old, you're quitting.
You're not even old enough to shave
and you're throwing in the towel.
Well, let me tell you something, Jack.
You don't hang around with the Fonz anymore
'cause I only like people with guts.
Aw, hey, Fonz, please don't be like that.
I promise I won't do it no more, honest.
Are you sure? Yeah, I'm sure.
Please, Fonz.
I'll even try to be something.
All right, all right, now you're talking.
See that? Now you're talking, all right.
Now what, what are you interested in?
What do you want to be?
Aw, I couldn't tell you.
It ain't cool.
Oh, no, wait a minute, wait a minute.
If you're interested in something, that's cool.
That's cool. What do you want to be?
I like flowers.
What?
A flower store.
I like them.
They smell nice.
Flower store flower store.
All right, all right, all right, a flower store.
That's great, a flower store.
You can be the coolest florist in the entire world, huh?
Isn't that sharp?
You just all right, look,
you just got to do me one more favor, all right?
Now tell me who was in on this heist with you.
Do I have to?
I promise you I ain't going to turn you in.
I'm going to get you the money,
you're going to turn yourself in,
they're going to go easy on you.
They'll probably let you off with a warning.
You think so?
Hey, the Fonz understands police matters.
Okay.
It was Moose and Bobo,
but they're probably in Illinois by now.
Hey, well, let's find out, all right?
After you, my little nephew, come on.
Arnold, Arnold!
Where's Arnold?
Hey, what are you yelling about?
Where's Arnold?
I think we finally lost them, Ralph.
Way to go, Potsie, kid, yeah.
Hey, what happened to him?
Listen to this one, Fonz, listen to this.
Yeah.
We were out in the parking lot before,
and these two guys came running out of Arnold's
with all this money.
Hey, they got the money back, huh?
Of course, of course.
We heard Arnold yelling he was robbed,
so we chased the guys ten blocks.
And when they finally stopped in the park to count the loot,
Ralphie here grabbed the cash and threw me into those guys.
They nearly killed me.
It called for quick action.
I'm a faster runner.
I move like a cat.
Look, I stepped right out of my shoes.
I know, one of them hit me in the chest.
Will you stop griping?
You're lucky to be alive.
All right, all right, listen,
we can talk about this some other time.
Right now we got more important things to do, huh?
Let's go. Hey, what's,
what's all this noise out here?
Oh, two more hamburgers.
Hey, Arnold, look, we got all the money back, look.
Oh, you got my money back?
Yeah, I just we need it to get
Spike off the hook first, okay?
Oh. What about Moose and Bobo?
Yeah, they deserve the same chance that Spike gets here.
They can either turn in the money and themselves,
or they can be on their way to Illinois.
Spike knows what he's going to do.
Can I come out now?
I've done just about everything that I can do in there.
I washed my hands, I washed my face.
It's too bad I didn't bring a razor with me.
Hi, Mr. C.
How you doing?
What are these guys doing here?
Hey, are you kidding me?
These guys brought back the money, huh?
They got the money.
Listen, everything is going to be cool.
Thanks a lot, Mr. C., huh?
Let's go. Uh, Fonzie.
Yeah?
Don't you think you should thank Arnold?
I mean, he could have called the police, you know.
You know, you're right.
Okay, hey, Arnie, huh?
What can I say?
You're not a stool pigeon, thank you.
Ralphie, great guts, huh. Thanks a lot.
Potsie
Oh, hey, I know how much you think of me, Fonz,
and we're pals, right?
So what's a favor between buddies?
You don't have to give me a thank-you.
Good, let's get out of here.
You know what I'm going to do for you?
I'm going to put you through flower school.
Yeah, everything turned out just fine.
I mean, they turned back in the money
and the judge gave them a little talking-to.
Everything worked out fine just like you said, Mr. C.
Well, I'm glad I was able to help out, Fonzie.
Any time you need any fatherly assistance,
just call on me, huh?
Oh, hey, that's nice.
Uh, you bring it up,
I got this teeny-weeny favor I could ask you.
Isn't that a coincidence?
Yeah, you know, listen, Marie is coming over and
Where is he?
I'll get him.
Spike, get in here.
Come on in, Spike, make yourself at home.
We'll see about that.
Listen, uh, until he goes home next week,
I can't let him run around the streets by himself anymore,
you know what I mean?
So you just take real good care of him, all right?
Okay oh, listen, I had a talk with him and, uh,
he ain't going to call you Ace no more.
Ain't that right?
Yes, sir.
Hey, parenthood, here I come, whoa!
Oh, I thought I heard Arthur.
Did he leave?
Mm-hmm, but he left us a guest for the evening.
Well, isn't that nice?
And Spike, since, uh,
Richie's away, you might as well sleep in his room, huh?
Okay, I'll leave you two alone, so you can neck.
Howard, you should speak to that boy.
I don't know, sounds like a pretty good idea to me.
Okay, you got it, Ace.
These happy days are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪
Rockin' and rollin' all week long ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪Oh, baby ♪
These happy days are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪