The Brady Bunch (1969) s03e21 Episode Script

1
Here's the story
Of a lovely lady
Who was bringing up
Three very lovely girls
All of them had hair of gold ♪
Like their mother
The youngest one in curls ♪
It's the story of a man named Brady ♪
Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪
They were four men living all together ♪
Yet they were all alone ♪
Till the one day
when the lady met this fellow ♪
And they knew that it was
much more than a hunch ♪
That this group
must somehow form a family ♪
That's the way we all
became the Brady Bunch ♪
The Brady Bunch
The Brady Bunch
That's the way we became
the Brady Bunch. ♪
Dreamy, huh?
This hairstyle's called "The Exotic Miss."
Do you think I look exotic?
What does "exotic" mean?
It means alluring, exciting,
a woman of the world.
Maybe I should fix my hair like that.
Then I'd be a woman of the world, too.
It would look silly on you, Cindy.
You're still a child.
I'm not either.
MARCIA: Yeah uh-huh.
Yeah, I know, Jerry.
I think you're real groovy,
but I already promised
I'd go to the school dance
with Doug Williams.
Sorry, but he asked first.
A soda tomorrow?
Uh well, uh I have
to check my schedule.
Hold on.
( Stifles laugh )
Yeah
yeah, I think I can make it.
Okay, see you tomorrow at school.
Bye.
Boy, a dance and a soda
all in the same week.
It's no big deal.
Maybe I'll ask some boy to call me.
Cindy, you don't ask a boy to call you.
You get them to call you.
How?
By being mature, playing it cool.
I'm cool, but no boy
ever calls me for a soda.
You're not even ten years old.
Yeah, but I still get thirsty.
Children don't go out on dates.
And you're just a baby.
Baby!
Why did I have to be born so young?
I'll show them!
From now on, I'm going
to be an older woman.
Oh, pardon me, madam.
We were looking for
our little daughter Cindy
about so high
and she has two lovely blond ponytails.
That Cindy doesn't live here anymore.
I'm grown up and mature now.
Whoa!
Well, I think maybe
yes, listen, I think you
better get out of those shoes
before you fall and
break your neck, huh?
Sweetheart, could I borrow this dress?
I was going to wear it to a party tonight.
I was feeling all grown up.
Now I'll just be a little girl again.
Ah What's so wrong
with being a little girl, huh?
Everything
when you got two older sisters.
But, Cindy, you've always
had two older sisters.
Yes, but now boys take them places,
like dances and football games
and the pizza place.
Cindy, you'll go to all those places
when you get a little older.
Don't be in such a hurry, honey.
Why, this should be the
happiest time of your life.
Then why am I so miserable?
I'll tell you why you're miserable.
Because you're trying
to act your sister's age
instead of your own.
Why, in just a few short years
you're gonna be a teenager, too.
I want to be a teenager now.
Oh, uh, sugar, um,
could I have the shoes, too?
They go with the dress.
Oh, wow.
I got to get a new mirror
one that lies a little.
Well, hi, honey.
Come on in.
It's me, in case you didn't recognize me.
Alice Hmm?
Mom and Dad are at the party.
Can I talk to you?
Oh, you bet, honey. What's the trouble?
Everybody in this house
treats me like a baby.
I want to be older.
Well, that's life for you.
You want to be older,
I want to be younger.
You think you got a tough job?
Try mine for a while. Wow.
I fixed my hair like Jan
I wore high heels and everything
but everybody still thinks I'm little Cindy.
You know what
your real problem is, honey?
You can't fight mother nature.
It's a losing battle.
Believe me, I know.
I've blown enough
money on ammunition.
Look what I have
to go through every night
before I go to bed.
Cold cream on my forehead.
And then wrinkle cream on my neck.
And some genuine,
imported, European mud
for any of the spots
that I miss in between.
And then, just to make sure
that my double chin doesn't go triple
I have to sleep with my head
in a hammock.
Trick or treat!
Gee, Alice,
you do have a tougher job than me.
Yeah.
CINDY: Dad?
Yes, honey?
Could you help me with this word?
Well, let's see. Where?
There.
"Idiosyncrasy"?
Well, that means "peculiarity"
or something odd
in the way a person behaves.
What's a word like that
doing in a kids' book?
I happen to be reading
A Farewell To Arms
by Ernest Hemingway.
She is reading Hemingway.
You think that's a little old for you?
Marcia's reading it.
If it's not too old for her
it's not too old for me.
Cindy, why don't you stick
to Alice In Wonderland
and The Wizard of Oz?
Those are children's books!
Why is she mad at me?
Oh, I don't think she is.
She's just upset
because she's not as old
as her sisters are.
They have dates and they go places
and she feels left out.
I really didn't mean
to kid about The Wizard of Oz.
That's okay.
Say, Cindy, I was thinking.
There's a track meet
tomorrow afternoon.
Would you like to go see it with me?
Thanks, but it's no fun
for a girl to go out with her own brother.
Hey, Cindy, I'm going
on a hike tomorrow.
Want to come along?
Pete, Cindy doesn't date
her own brothers.
Oh. Okay.
( Phone rings )
I'll get it, Mom.
Hello?
No. Marcia's out.
Can I take the message?
I got it.
You're Doug Williams
and you're calling
about the school dance.
Say
( clears throat )
Say, by the way, Doug,
I'm Marcia's sister Cynthia
and I was thinking, if you have a friend
maybe we could double-date.
I know I sound young,
but I'm very old for my age.
I think
I think that I'll tell her
when she comes in.
Bye.
Do you remember
what your father and I told you
about acting your age, Cynthia?
It's such a dumb age.
Why couldn't I have skipped
from eight right to 15?
Cindy, there's something for you.
Package for Miss Cindy Brady!
Package for me?
Well, it's a sort of a package.
It's addressed to you
and I found it in the mailbox.
It's a candy bar!
It's wrapped up in a note.
What's it say?
Alice, you won't believe it!
Try me!
It says, "You don't know me"
"but I sure dig you.
Signed, your secret admirer."
Secret admirer?
How about that?
I wonder who it could be?
Well, whoever he is
he must think a lot of you.
He blew ten cents on that candy bar.
I wonder who.
Who cares who!
I've got a secret admirer.
CAROL: Hi, honey.
Oh, hi, sweetheart.
Oh, Mike, you shouldn't have.
I didn't.
They're for Cindy, with a note
signed: "From your secret admirer."
Where'd you find them?
On the front steps.
Well, I wonder who the mystery boy is.
I don't know, but his
taste in girls is better
than his taste in flowers.
Hey, Greg!
Greg, I found a hair ribbon
at the back door.
A hair ribbon?
Yeah, and this note.
"To Cindy, from your secret admirer."
He gives her a present every day.
Sure putting a dent in his piggy bank.
Hey, Cindy, you got another
you-know-what from you-know-who.
Cindy!
Hey, Cindy!
Cindy!
Peter, will you please stop yelling?
Cindy isn't even home yet.
Oh. Well, look what she got.
I found it right outside the door.
Ooh, the secret admirer strikes again.
Boy, did he strike hard.
Look at that!
If it's real
it's worth a fortune.
I don't think it's real, Peter
but I do think it's an engagement ring.
Wow, Cindy's engaged
and we don't even know who he is.
Another note for you, Cindy.
Here.
He doesn't miss a day.
He's really flipped over you.
What's he say this time?
Come on, read it.
I am reading it.
We mean, to us.
This is personal
between my secret admirer and me.
Well, pardon us.
"When I think of your face,
and your awful cute dimples
from head to toe, I get goose pimples."
( Phone ringing )
It's probably for me. I'm expecting a call.
It could be for me, too.
Hello.
No, this is Marcia.
Oh just a minute, please.
Told you it was for me.
It's not for you, either.
Cindy, phone call.
It's a boy.
Maybe it's her secret admirer.
Hello?
Yes, this is Cindy.
Who?!
Oh, wow, at last we're
talking face-to-face!
Uh-huh. I got your flowers, the candy
and the big diamond ring.
I like them all,
but I think I like the candy the best.
I called 'cause I wanted
to hear your voice
and you know something?
It's as pretty as you are.
You sound pretty, too.
When can I see you in person?
Uh, well, I'm kind of real busy.
The only time I could
see you is at 3:00 tomorrow
and you can't, because
you have your ballet lesson.
How do you know?
How?
Um
oh, that's when my sister takes ballet
so I figured you might, too.
Hey, you know what?
My ballet teacher is sick,
so come over to my house
tomorrow at 3:00.
Bye
Secret admirer.
Hello? Hello?
( Deep voice ): Hello?
All that trouble I went to
just to get myself in trouble.
"Dear Cindy, I can't meet you tomorrow
"because I'm moving to Europe.
"You'll always be the grooviest.
Signed, Your secret admirer."
( Door slams )
What was that?
That sounded like a door slam.
( Groans )
What are you doing outside at this hour?
Walking in my sleep?
You always go walking in your sleep
in your bathrobe and your slippers?
Maybe I was dreaming
it was cold outside.
What's that?
Huh?
Come on, let's see.
Hand it over.
Is that you?
Upstairs, secret admirer.
All I wanted to do was
make Cindy feel more grown up
like Marcia and Jan.
Well, we know you meant well, Bob.
But giving Cindy an imaginary boyfriend
was only building her
up for a big letdown.
Sure, she had to find out
the truth sometime.
I guess you're right.
What are we going to do?
We aren't going to do anything.
You are.
You are going to tell Cindy the truth
first thing in the morning.
Could I write it on a note
and leave it under her door?
Hey, come on, Bobby, we
better get down for breakfast.
I'll be there in a minute.
Okay, but I might eat
some of your pancakes.
I'll split them with you.
Hey, can I ask you guys a question?
Sure.
Well, if you got to do something
that you really don't want to do
how do you do it?
If you got to do it, do it quick.
Get it over with.
Yeah, quick.
You know, like when you
take medicine in one big gulp.
Yuck!
What do you got to do?
Oh, something.
Yuck!
Well, good luck.
You must be excited, Cindy.
Today's the big day.
I bet you can't wait
to meet your secret admirer.
I hope he's taller than me.
Hi, Bobby.
Hi.
Cindy, can I talk to you for a minute?
Okay, but don't make me late.
I won't.
I'll make it short.
You know those notes and things
you got from your secret admirer?
Yeah.
Well
I write poems, too.
Not as good as his.
Well, you know the phone call you got?
Yeah.
Well, didn't his voice
sound kind of like mine?
Oh, no. He's a much older man.
He's at least 13.
Well, I've got something to tell you.
What?
I guess it can wait.
Okay.
( School bell rings )
Hey, Tommy.
I've been looking all over for you.
What for?
I figured you might want
to do some swapping.
Sure.
Come on.
What do you got?
Well, I hate to give it up,
but what'll you give me
for this rabbit's foot?
I'll give you this pencil sharpener.
It's a deal.
Look what I've got.
Wow! A real Kennedy half-dollar.
What do you want for it?
Are you kidding?
It's too valuable to swap.
Aw, come on.
I'd give almost anything for it.
Would you do almost anything for it?
Like what?
( Humming )
Hi. I'm Tommy Jamison.
I have a date with Cindy.
Oh, so you're the mystery man.
Well, come right in, Tommy.
She doesn't know who I am, but it's me.
Well, you're a very
fine-looking young you.
I'll just let her know you're here.
Cindy!
There's someone here to see you.
Just sit down, make
yourself at home, Tommy.
At last I have the pleasure
of making your acquaintance.
Hi.
Look. I'm wearing your ribbon.
My ribbon?
Oh, yeah, my ribbon.
Let's step outside.
A breath of fresh air
would be nice, wouldn't it?
Alice, I think that we might
want some refreshments later.
Well, of course.
I'll start working on that right now.
Would you please put these in water?
Right away.
Thank you.
This is where I used to play
when I was a little girl.
Want to have a swing contest?
Swings are for children.
I think Ernest Hemingway is
very interesting, don't you?
Does he go to our school?
Of course not.
He's a famous writer.
Hey, that's a neat teeter-totter.
I've outgrown teeter-totters.
How about climbing a tree?
That isn't very mature either.
Well, it's been nice meeting you.
Bye.
Wait, Tommy!
Don't you like me?
You're too grown-up for me.
I'm not really grown-up.
I was just pretending for a date.
See? This is the way
my hair really looks.
Hey, that's neat.
I like to climb trees.
I like to swing and
play on the teeter-totter.
You do?
Uh-huh.
I even collect lizards.
Lizards? I collect them, too.
You do?
Yeah. I never thought I'd meet
a girl who likes lizards.
I love them.
So do I.
Gee, this is the best date I've ever had.
Me, too.
It's also the only one I've ever had.
Refreshment time.
Hey, look, banana splits.
I love banana splits
almost as much as lizards.
Well, I'm afraid you'll have
to settle for bananas.
I'm not serving lizard splits.
Oh, Alice, you should have
seen the stores.
I just couldn't believe the crowds.
I couldn't believe the price tags.
Oh, who's that boy out there with Cindy?
Oh, that's Tommy Jamison, Cindy's date.
Date?
Yes. Her secret admirer.
But that can't be her secret admirer.
Bobby was supposed to
Where is Bobby?
Well, he's in there.
Bobby
Would you care to explain
what's going on out there?
You were supposed to have a talk
with Cindy this morning.
Well, I got a better idea.
I gave Tommy Jamison
my Kennedy half-dollar
to be Cindy's secret admirer.
You mean, you bribed a boy
to be Cindy's date?
Well, it only cost 50 cents.
( Knocks )
What do you want?
I want to give you back
your Kennedy half-dollar.
Oh, no. You made a deal.
You got to stick with it.
I will.
I mean, you don't have to pay me
to play with Cindy.
She's real neat.
For a girl, I mean.
Isn't that great?
It didn't cost me anything.
Well, hang on, because this incident
isn't quite closed yet, you know.
Well, before you say anything
just remember, it's a happy ending.
Yeah, for him maybe.
For you, we're not so sure.
Alice!
ALICE: Yes!
The lizard Tommy gave me
got out of his box.
Have you seen him?
Yes, I have.
He's over there.