Happy Days (1974) s03e22 Episode Script

1
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪
Ready to race to you ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪Oh, baby ♪
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪
Rocking and rolling all week long ♪
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
Saturday, what a day ♪
Groovin' all week with you ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪
Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, baby ♪
These happy days ♪
Are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours ♪
And mine, Happy Days! ♪
Happy Days is filmed before a live audience.
Fonzie, you open the door.
Open the door.
Hey, go away.
This is my office.
What do you think this is a public room?
Fonz, you know, there's a lot
of guys waiting to get in here.
Yeah, well, let them use the gas station. It's cleaner.
Hey, why are you holed up in here, Fonz?
Huh? Why are you holed up in here?
Because I keep getting these headaches, you know,
and the people don't have to see me when I'm out of sorts.
Well, what are these?
How To Fix Foreign Cars?
What gives, Fonz?
Oh, my boss down at the garage
He wants to increase his business
by adding foreign cars, you know?
I mean, it's hard, there's a lot of reading,
a lot of foreign cars, not only that,
they're all in kilometers.
What are kilometers?
Hey, Fonz? Yeah.
Oh, sorry. Shh, shh, shh. Yeah.
Fonz? Yeah?
You know, uh, my father says
that if your eyes hurt from reading,
it's a sign that you might need glasses.
Hey, listen, your father is an eye doctor.
He thinks people with bunions need glasses.
Fonzie, you open this door right now!
Maybe you should let them in, Fonz.
Yeah, then maybe they'll stop all that banging, huh?
Go open it for me, Ralph.
Oh, Howard.
Howard, stop pounding.
I've stuck myself three times with this needle.
Yeah, and I can't study.
Can I help it if this stupid window is stuck?
I still say you should call Ed Bender.
He takes down our storm windows every year,
and he does such a quiet job.
I am not going to pay Ed Bender an arm and a leg
for a job I'm perfectly capable of doing myself.
If I say anything now, I'll get sent upstairs.
What are you doing?
I can't get Shh!
I can't get this stupid window closed.
That's amazing, Arthur.
Oh, yeah, Mrs. C.
It's all in the ankle, you know?
Hey, Mr. C., there is such a thing as common courtesy.
One does not pound on one's window
when someone is trying to sleep.
What are you talking about?
It's only 7:00.
And you're still up?
Yes, Fonzie, we're still up.
We lead a wild life around here.
We have lots of fun.
As a matter of fact, I'm going out to the garage now
and get an oil can for that window.
Whoopee!
Arthur, you've got another headache, haven't you?
Yes, I do, Mrs. C.
Well, I'll get you an aspirin right away.
Hey, I think I'll be all right
now that, uh, John Henry put down his hammer.
I'll catch you folks later.
Hey, Fonzie, would you help me
with my homework before you go?
You want me to help you with your homework?
Well, sure.
Richie usually does, but he's in Chicago.
Oh, yeah?
What subject we got here?
Geometry. Hey, that should be good.
I'm very good with shapes.
All right, down here?
"To get to the store,
"you must drive five miles due east,
"then you turn due north
"and drive for ten miles.
"However, you could ride your bicycle on a path
leading from your house straight to the store."
Shortcake, this is a dumb problem.
I ain't going to the store,
and why should I go ten miles
if Lumpy's Stop 'n Shop is on the corner?
Oh, look, I'm going to finish this upstairs.
This is pathetic.
Yeah.
Now I'm starting to send myself upstairs.
Here you are, Arthur.
Now, Arthur Oh, thanks.
Does reading give you a headache?
Mm.
It certainly does.
I'll tell you something.
Those driving manuals give me a headache, that's for sure.
Well, could be your eyes.
You know, maybe you should see an optometrist.
Hey, that's what Ralph said.
Oh, that's wonderful.
Now I'm beginning to think like Ralph.
I'm going to make an appointment
for you with Ralph's father.
Oh, yeah, as long as he doesn't stick a stick in my mouth
and make me go, "Aah!" Huh?
No, I don't think he's going to do that.
He'll probably just put some drops in your eyes.
Hey, that's all? Yeah.
Hey, I'll see this eyeball guy, it's all right.
Where's my dad, Betty?
Oh, he's on the phone.
He'll be right with you.
Uh, can I do anything
to help you, Mr. Fonzarelli?
Yeah, why don't you just call me Fonz?
Fonz? Yeah.
Hey, there's something you can do for me, honey lips.
You can pick me up at 7:30 tonight don't be late.
I won't, I won't.
7:30 Fonz.
You got it.
I can't.
I forgot.
I'm married.
Why can't I do that?
Come on, Fonz, tell me how you do it.
Yeah, right, let a child play with matches, huh?
No way.
So this is it, huh?
This is where your father does all his work, huh?
That's right, Fonz.
Earns a living here.
Pretty sharp, huh?
Yeah. Just answer me one question.
Anything, Fonz.
When does he take off?
Right.
You know, I'm really proud of my dad.
He's a great optometrist. Yeah?
He even made the cover of a trade journal once.
Peepers Magazine.
I'm telling you, Fonz,
you're really going to like my dad.
And you know why? No.
'Cause he's just like me.
That's a recommendation?
Hiya, Ralph.
Hiya, Pop.
Sorry to keep you fellows waiting.
I accidentally fell into my lens grinder
and made a spectacle of myself.
Yeah, yeah, I want to tell you something.
I'm fighting back the laughs.
So, you're Fonzie, huh?
Yeah.
How are ya? How are ya? How are ya?
That's your favorite, Fonz Arthur Godfrey.
Oh, yeah, I almost forgot.
I taught him that one.
Ralph's told me a lot about you, Fonz.
Yeah?
Yeah, I understand Ralph gets your girls for you.
Huh?
I was kidding, Fonz, kidding.
All right, I'll just get my glasses here,
and we will begin, huh?
Look at those glasses!
Isn't that great?
Oh, yeah, clever stuff, very clever.
I love to laugh.
It keeps my eyes young.
I'm getting out of here.
No, wait a minute, wait a minute.
I have my serious side, too, you know.
This side here.
Hey, uh, can we stop coming out with the jokes?
I mean, I can't listen to this all day.
The boy's right it's time to get down to business.
Let's get serious.
Whoa.
Now, I understand you've been getting headaches
when you read, is that right?
That's right.
All right, we'll fix you up in no time.
Now, I want you to read the middle line
on that chart, please.
Okay.
"F-P-C-A-L-T-R."
That's incredible.
What?
You got every letter wrong.
Hey, I took a shot.
Here.
Try it again.
All right.
"Universal Paper Company."
What?
No, not the card, the chart!
Uh, all right.
"R-L-M P-Q P-T."
Perfect.
All right, now the other eye
and the next line, please.
Go ahead.
I can't.
What are you, blind? Read it.
I can't.
Mr. Fonzarelli,
have you ever done an injury to that eye?
Hey, how do I know?
I mean, oil flies in the garage.
It's an occupational hazard, you know.
Oil, oil that explains a lot.
Now, look, I want you to look through this machine here.
Oh, yeah? What am I going to do, see a girlie show?
That's funny.
All right, now, is that clear?
Yeah.
Clearer? Yeah.
All right, read it now.
All right.
"R-L-M-Z-M-P-T."
Perfect, perfect.
All right, you want to get this off before we crash?
You know, this boy really has a sense of humor, Ralph.
Hey, hey, hey, don't play with the glasses.
I think I know what's wrong.
Your problem is really minor.
You see, your right eye is weaker than your left,
and the imbalance is causing your headaches.
Here you are.
What's this?
Well, that's a prescription for eye drops.
That's all I need? Eyedrops?
That's all.
All right, eye drops, all right!
For the time being, until your glasses are ready.
Glasses?
Oh, you'll just have to wear them for a few months.
I think your eyes should be back to normal by then.
I ain't going to wear glasses.
Glasses ain't cool.
Fonz, you can get used to 'em.
Yeah, and get used to looking like Clark Kent?
No way!
See here, young man.
I may kid around a lot,
but I take my profession very seriously.
Now, if you don't wear glasses,
your eyes are going to get steadily worse.
Whether you like it or not,
I'm going to make you a pair of glasses.
Now, I can't make you wear 'em,
but if you don't wear them, it could lead to a tragedy.
And believe me, I have seen tragedy.
I have seen pinkeye.
Oh, no, no, no.
I shouldn't kid around.
It's the pixie in me.
I couldn't resist it.
Fonzie, this is serious business,
and I mean what I say.
I'll see you later, Ralph.
All right, Pop.
Good-bye ya, good-bye ya, good-bye ya.
Good one, Pop, good one!
Stop laughing.
This ain't funny.
I mean, the thing is,
how can you put glasses on a perfect face like this?
You know what that's like?
You know what that's like?
That's like putting a moustache on the Mona Lisa.
That's like putting Bermuda shorts
on Whistler's Mother.
It just ain't done!
I'm sorry, Fonz. Don't touch me.
I mean, you know what's going to happen?
They're going to line up pretty soon,
'cause news travels very fast.
They're going to start laughing at the Fonz.
I mean, as a matter of fact, no one, no one
is going to call me Four-Eyes Fonzarelli.
Whoa!
Hey, Pop? Pop? I'm leaving.
You did it again, Ralph!
I still got it, Pop.
Hey, hey, let's go home and scare your mother.
All right.
You're not too busy, are you, Rich?
Oh, no no, Dad, no, I'm I'm not busy.
I-I can talk. Go ahead.
Good, good, good.
Tell me, how do you like Chicago?
Are you studying hard?
Oh, studying boy.
Dad, you wouldn't believe it.
I've met all sorts of, uh, interesting people
from all over the country.
Ah, that's good.
Oh, wait a minute, Rich.
Your mother just walked in.
Sweetheart, come on, it's Richie.
Huh? Here. Hello, Richard.
Are you keeping warm, dear?
He's keeping himself warm.
He already told me.
Did you hear that, uh that Fonzie went
to see the eye doctor, and he needs glasses?
I told him that, Marion.
Oh. Well, did you hear
that he just absolutely refuses to wear them?
Yeah, I told him that, too, Marion.
Well, what did you leave me to tell him?
Hey, you could ask him when he's coming home.
Oh, good.
Richard, when are you coming home, dear?
Oh, uh, right, yeah.
Uh, Saturday.
I'm going to be home Saturday
uh, for the April Fool's Day dance.
Oh, well, good.
Maybe you can talk some sense into Fonzie.
Well, we love you, dear.
Dress warm. Bye.
Bye, Rich.
Bye.
She wants me to keep warm.
He sounded cold.
Quick!
Get bandages, boil water!
Joanie, what happened?
Fonzie, he's been in an accident his motorcycle.
I knew it.
He drives like a maniac.
What did he run into?
Lake Michigan.
Leave your hands off me, all right?
What a lousy place to put a lake.
Joanie, get a blanket.
Arthur, I'll make you some hot soup right away.
Yeah, all right.
Would you like to tell me what happened?
No. Fonzie.
Hey, you heard.
I drove into Lake Michigan.
What's the big deal?
What did you do a silly thing like that for?
I'm sure there's a perfectly logical explanation, Howard.
Yeah, there is. Well, what is it?
Somebody moved the road!
Yeah, that's logical.
Well, Fonz, I thought you said
it was because everything got blurry, right?
Everything got blurry?
Well, you know, out of focus.
I mean, one minute, I'm driving, happy.
The next minute, I'm pulling seaweed out of my carburetor.
See, Fonz, my father was right.
Your eyes are getting worse.
All right, I know what I got to do now.
Wear your glasses. Yeah, that's right,
wear my glasses, except I ain't going to leave my apartment
till my eyes get better.
Oh, Arthur, you can't live like a hermit.
Oh, yes, I can.
These guys'll bring me my meals
and they'll bring over the cars I'm supposed to fix.
I'll fix 'em at night.
It won't be that much trouble, right?
Well, Fonz Aaayyh!
I'd like to do it, Fonz, it'd be great, yeah.
But Fonz, you know, if you do that,
you're going to miss the April Fool's Day dance.
Yeah, you can't miss that.
Potsie's been nominated for King Fool.
Yeah.
And you're supposed to announce the winner, Fonz.
Hey, it'd be a hollow victory
if you didn't announce my name.
Well, what are you going to do, Fonzie?
I don't know yet.
Couldn't you wear those glasses
for just a few months?
I don't know.
Listen, you guys, help me drive my bike, will you?
You can't drive your bike without your glasses.
Hey, God, how could you do something like this?
Didn't you always say I was your favorite?
Whoa.
I'm through with love ♪
I'm through with countin' ♪
The stars above ♪
And here's the reason ♪
That I'm so free ♪
My lovin' baby ♪
Hey, Fonz, you finally made it.
Oh!
All right, look, uh, girls, I know,
don't knock yourselves out, all right?
Not now, okay? Thanks a lot.
Hey, Fonz, you made it.
Hey, of course I made it.
Yeah, but you're not wearing the
Hey, look.
I wore them; I drove backstreets all the way over here.
Oh, but Fonz, you can't do that
I don't want to talk about it anymore, okay? Huh?
Bye, bye, sweet caress ♪
He needs us.
Yeah, but the Fool's Contest is starting any minute.
Come on, Pots, come on.
Hey, Fonz.
What is the matter with me, men, huh?
Why can't I put these glasses on my face?
Is there anything we can do to help, Fonz?
Are you kidding? You guys are useless.
Sorry, Fonz.
Hey, it's not your fault, it's an accident of birth.
You know what I need here? You know what I need?
I need Cunningham.
Richie? Why? FONZ: Yeah.
Because he's got that way of talking me into things.
You know that?
I mean, he talked me into wearing a cop's uniform,
he talked me into singing,
he talked me into talking you out of going into the Marines.
How's he do it, Fonz? Well,
how does he do it? I mean, he embarrasses me.
He makes he makes these speeches, you know.
He just, uh, he shakes his head,
he goes, "Huh, huh, huh, huh."
That's how he does it, you know,
with his "Huh, huh, huh, huh."
Huh, huh, huh, huh.
Back off, Potsie.
All right, come on, you guys.
They're lining up for the Parade of Fools.
Hey, look, I got to march with the other nominees.
I got to go.
Yeah, I got to go, too, Fonz.
I'm his campaign manager.
Hey, listen.
You do what you want,
but they're expecting you out there, okay?
Yeah.
Hey, Fonz.
I just got back.
The guys told me you were here. Whoa!
Hey. Hey.
You're just the man that I need to see, huh?
Hey, I got to tell you about Chicago.
I don't want to hear about Chicago.
I need a favor.
You need it right now? Sooner than that.
Will you plant yourself right there?
Sure. All right, now, look.
If I don't put these glasses on
in the next minute and a half,
I will never put them on, okay?
You just sit there, listen to me, all right,
and whatever you do,
just answer me with "Huh, huh, huh."
Is this an April Fool's joke?
This is not a joke. Just say it.
Huh, huh, huh. No, n-no, no,
that's not right, no, you got to say it
like you're trying to convince me of something.
Oh, oh, I know, I know.
Uh, you mean, uh, "Huh, huh, huh."
Oh, that's it, that's right, all right.
Okay, here we go, you ready?
Yeah. All right, look.
The Fonz don't want to wear glasses,
I don't have to wear glasses.
Listen, Fonz, I
No, no, no, no words, no words, just "Huh, huh, huh."
Oh, huh, huh, huh.
Right, okay, okay, that's good.
Look, no one is going to laugh at the Fonz.
I am not to be made sport of, huh?
Huh, huh, huh.
Excellent, excellent, okay.
Hey, this is ridiculous, I want to tell you something.
Huh, huh, huh. Not yet.
All right?
Wearing glasses just ain't cool.
Huh, huh, huh, huh, oh
I want to tell you something.
Those last two at the end an excellent touch.
Cunningham, I don't know what you put
into those "Huh, huh, huh's," but they sure do the trick.
Listen, Fonz, all "Huh, huh, huh" s aside
Yeah.
Yeah, I think if you got to wear glasses,
that you should put 'em on, go out there,
and show everybody that with glasses or without glasses,
you're still the Fonz.
And here are the Fool finalists.
Hey, Fonz, listen, I'm sorry.
I took an early train back so I could see this.
I got to go. Yeah, yeah.
You know, he's right.
No matter what, you're cool.
Whoa, are you cool.
Johnny is a joker ♪
He's a bird ♪
Come on, the three Fool finalists,
you park your bikes right here.
Three Fool finalists, right here, park your bikes.
What a dog ♪
Johnny is a joker that's a-tryin' to steal my baby ♪
He's a bird dog ♪
Potsie,
I told you to ring your little bell.
I forgot.
Oh, you're such a potsie.
Okay, everybody settle down, settle down, knock it off.
Now's the time to find out
who gonna be King Fool for another year.
And here to announce the winner is nobody's fool, Fonzie.
All right, all right, listen,
the judges said they had a very hard decision to make,
'cause there's so many fools to choose from.
All right, can I have the envelope, please.
Now I could read this card real easily,
but it would be a little blurry, you know what I mean?
And why read something blurry when it's unnecessary.
All right, now, let me ask you a question.
What are you "oohing" and "ahing" about?
The Fonz wearing glasses?
Let me tell you something, Jack.
Wearing glasses is cool.
That's right.
There are a lot of chicks out there,
you don't put your glasses on until the lights go off
in the movies, right?
Dumb, very dumb.
A lot of guys out there, right?
You know, you take your glasses off
every time a chick walks by, right? Huh?
Dumb very dumb.
All right, Arnold!
Look at that.
Yeah, that's right, and let me tell you something.
Wearing glasses is C-O-O-L, dig it?
That's right.
It's a lot cooler than driving
into a lake let me tell you.
All right, and now I would like to clearly read the winner
of a $25 savings bond, a tricycle,
and a date with the with the queen of his choice.
All right?
Ladies and gentlemen,
last year's Fool is this year's Fool Potsie Weber!
I won again! Four years in a row.
You can have the tricycle, Ralph.
- All right.
Okay, now, this is the King's Dance, so everybody join in.
Uh, I pick as Queen Fool Debbie Pederson.
Cunningham, how do I really look?
Fonz, you look fine.
Don't ever lose your "Huh, huh, huh's."
Hey, Fonz, where's your glasses?
Hey, I got them, I got them! I had to take them off.
The chicks won't leave me alone whoa!
Listen, uh, I got to ask your advice.
Of course.
When I was in Chicago I met this girl from Texas
Lulubelle and we had a pretty good time.
Hey, I'm proud of you. Uh, thanks.
Well, anyway, we said that uh, that from now on
we were going to spend all of our vacations together.
Well, now I'm back home, and I'm thinking about it,
I'm not sure it's such a good idea.
What do you say about that?
All right, listen, let me explain something to you, okay?
A normal guy goes to Chicago and meets Clarabelle.
Uh, Lulubelle.
Whatever.
A normal guy, see, he says all right, listen,
I'm going to spend all my
vacations with you and they do, right?
Turns out to be a disaster.
All right? You can never recapture magic moments.
You had magic moments, huh?
Yeah. You could say magic.
Right. All right, now.
A cool guy, on the other hand,
puts the score out right away.
Says, "Look, what we had in Chicago is over.
Now you go your way, I'll go mine"
In that way you can preserve a memory, huh? Dig?
Hey, Rich, you got a call long-distance.
A chick from Texas.
Here? Whoa.
Thanks.
Hello.
Yeah, hi, Clara Lulubelle.
Yeah, yeah right.
I told my folks I'd be down here.
Uh Easter vacation?
Yeah, sure, I'll meet you in Fort Worth.
Right.
Okay, bye sweetie-pie.
Well, look, it's boring around here at Easter.
You know that cool is a dying art? Whoa!
These happy days are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪
Good-bye gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪
Rockin' and rollin' all week long ♪
These days are ours ♪
Happy and free ♪Oh, happy days ♪
These days are ours ♪
Share them with me ♪Oh, baby ♪
These happy days are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours and mine, Happy Days! ♪