The Brady Bunch (1969) s03e22 Episode Script

1
Here's the story
Of a lovely lady
Who was bringing up
Three very lovely girls
All of them had hair of gold ♪
Like their mother
The youngest one in curls ♪
It's the story of a man named Brady ♪
Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪
They were four men living all together ♪
Yet they were all alone ♪
Till the one day
when the lady met this fellow ♪
And they knew that it was
much more than a hunch ♪
That this group
must somehow form a family ♪
That's the way we all
became the Brady Bunch ♪
The Brady Bunch
The Brady Bunch
That's the way we became
the Brady Bunch. ♪
Hi, Marcia.
Hi, honey.
Something wrong, huh, Marcia?
Oh, there sure is!
My senior class just played
the dirtiest trick I've ever heard of!
Oh, yeah? What kind of trick?
Well, the kids at school, they just
I'm so mad, I can't even talk about it!
Marcia.
Yes?
Honey, I think you'd better tell us
what this is all about.
What was the trick
your senior class pulled?
Well, this afternoon,
my class had nominations
for the hostess for Senior Banquet Night.
They nominated two girls,
and one of them was Molly Webber.
And you think you deserved it?
No. That's not the point.
Well, then, what's the matter?
Molly's the matter.
Poor Molly.
She's not really that attractive.
She's the shiest, the most
She's completely wrong
to be the Banquet Night hostess.
Well, then why did
the kids nominate her?
For a joke a terrible joke.
The other girl they nominated
Patty Holbert
is the most popular girl in the class.
Does this girl Molly know it's a joke?
No. Not yet.
She was so thrilled to be nominated
that it went right over her head.
And when the teacher
selection committee
interviews Patty and Molly
for their choice
poor Molly, she'll be sorry
she was ever born.
Well, if you're so upset about it,
maybe you can think
of a way to help her.
Right. You know, lots of
people blow off steam
about something they think is wrong,
but very few people are
willing to get involved
and do something about it.
I'm willing to get involved.
Then give it some thought, honey.
Well, that's it, Alice six lunches.
I got one corned beef sandwich left over.
Oh, don't worry about it.
We'll recycle it tomorrow
and use it for hash.
KIDS: Hi, Mom. Hi, Alice!
BOBBY: What's for lunch?
You'll find out when you get to school.
Bye-bye. Have a good day.
Boy, you need a crossing guard
for the kitchen, Mrs. Brady.
Mom, I've been thinking and thinking,
and I can't think of a way
to help Molly Webber.
I know a way.
What? Tell me.
Put a bag over her head.
That'd be a big help.
Peter, that's not nice.
I'm afraid that's what all
the kids think about Molly, Mom.
Well, honey,
not everybody can be a raving beauty.
Right. Just ask my mirror.
It's not just her looks so much.
It's the way she talks, and her shyness,
and she's so awkward.
I just wish I could think of a way
to make her more attractive
to the teacher selection committee.
Ah, that kind of magic
only happens in the movies.
Well, bye.
Bye.
The movies!
Hey, wait a minute!
Do you remember My Fair Lady?
Well, remember how Professor Higgins
took the plain, cockney flower girl
and changed her into a
beautiful, cultured lady?
Oh, yeah.
I saw that picture four times.
Well, maybe I could do that in real life.
Hey, maybe you could.
Listen, there's an article
in one of my magazines
about improving yourself.
Maybe that would help.
I'll get started on it right away.
I'll bring her home after school.
Honey,
don't hurt her feelings, okay?
Okay. I'll ease into it.
Bye.
Come on, Molly.
( laughing )
Here's Molly.
Molly,
I'd like you to meet my brothers,
Greg and Bobby, and you know Peter.
Hi, Molly. Hi. Hi.
Hello.
We're studying together.
That's nice.
Come on, Molly.
Didn't I tell you she was a wipe out?
She's not too bad-looking.
She isn't too good-looking, either.
Is that Molly Webber?
Yes, so remember, she's very shy,
So, if you're going to say
anything at all to her,
say something nice.
Okay.
Hi. Hi.
Oh, Molly, you know Jan.
Hi, Molly.
Hi.
This is my sister, Cindy.
Hello, Molly.
So nice to meet you.
We always like nice people to visit us.
That's a very nice dress you're wearing.
And nice glasses, too.
You really look nice today,
even though I never met you before.
Hey, honey, what smells so good?
It pulled my nose right out of the den.
Uh-uh-uh-uh. Mm
That pot and that pot
will just have to stew another hour.
( Groans )
Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.
Molly, I'd like you to meet my parents.
Hi, Molly. Hi, Molly.
Hi.
We're going to do
some homework together.
Would you care for a snack
before you start, Molly?
No, thank you, ma'am.
Well, just make yourself at home.
Come on, Molly.
Oops.
Oh! I'm so sorry!
Oh, honey, that's okay.
I mean, really, I am sorry.
MARCIA: But, Molly, it
could happen to anybody.
Come on.
That kid's afraid of her own shadow.
Yeah, I'm afraid
Professor Marcia Higgins
has her work cut out for her.
I'm the clumsiest creature on Earth.
Oh, I've done that millions of times.
I can't imagine
why the girls nominated me
to be hostess at the Senior Banquet.
But they did, and I think
that's a terrific honor.
But I know I don't have
a chance to win that.
Now, that's the wrong attitude.
You've got to be positive.
I am positive
positive I'm going to lose.
Sally Holbert's
the most popular girl in the class.
Well, I think you have a good chance
if you really care.
I do care.
This is the biggest thing
that's ever happened in my life.
But look at me.
Well, Molly, you could do lots of things
to improve yourself,
if you really tried.
I could?
Sure!
For one thing, would you mind
taking off your glasses?
Why, you've got beautiful eyes,
but they're hidden behind these glasses.
Have you ever thought
of wearing contact lenses?
Well, I've got some,
but I figured, what's the use?
It's like trying to make a
scarecrow win a beauty contest.
Molly
there's other things that you can do, too,
that will really help.
You think so?
Come on, by next Monday,
the kids at school
are going to see a brand-new Molly.
I hope so.
I sure will be glad to
get rid of the old one.
Hi, there!
Hi, there, Marcia.
Molly, you have to look at people
when you talk to them.
Once more, louder, and smile.
Be friendly.
Hi there, Marcia.
Well, that was better.
Now, straighten your back,
and remember,
the key words are "poise" and "dignity".
Poise and dignity.
Right, so stand up straight and proud.
That's it.
Now, chest out.
It is out.
Okay.
Hi, there, Molly.
Hi, there, Marcia.
Good.
♪
♪
Hi, there.
Hi.
How you doing?
Molly?
Wow!
You look great!
Not at all like you!
I mean
That's okay.
See you.
Did I say she was a wipe out?
Yeah, well, I just wiped her back in.
( Knocking on door )
Who is it?
It's me, Mrs. Brady. Molly.
Oh, hi, honey.
Come on in.
Hi.
Molly, you look lovely!
Thanks. I'm supposed
to meet Marcia here.
I'm sorry, honey, she isn't home yet.
May I help you?
Well, be careful, now.
Don't worry, I've given up clumsy.
I just can't get over
the change in you, Molly.
Thank you. It's sort of a trial run for me.
I'm going to school tomorrow
for the first time as the new me.
I'm sure all the kids in school
are in for a big surprise.
And it's all due to Marcia.
You can wait upstairs
in her room if you like.
Jan and Cindy are up there.
Thank you.
Hi, Alice. Hi.
Molly?
Molly. Hi.
Well, Alice, what do you think
of the preview of the new Molly?
Preview? That's opening night.
Thank, Alice.
Hmm!
Oh!
Hi!
Hello.
Molly?
Nice to see you again, Mr. Brady.
Nice to see you, too.
Ninety
Hi!
Hi.
Wow, Molly, you're all put together.
Marcia really did it all.
I wish she'd do that to me.
When you're ready.
I'm ready, I'm ready.
Hi. Sorry I'm late.
Hey, you guys, get out.
Molly and I have some work to do. Okay.
I'm really ready!
Out!
Well, what's there left to do?
Your speech for the selection committee.
You're going to help me with it?
Right now.
Marcia, I really don't know
how to thank you,
but I'll pay you back some way.
You can pay me back
by being selected as hostess.
( Sliding door opens )
Hi, honey!
( Quietly ): Hi.
Well?
Well, come on and tell me.
What happened at school
today with Molly.
Everybody thought
Molly was a knockout.
Well, you don't seem
very excited about it.
It's something else.
What?
Well, Patty Holbert,
the girl running against Molly,
had to drop out.
Her folks are going on a vacation,
and she won't be here for Banquet Night.
That's terrific.
Then Molly will be the hostess.
It doesn't work like that.
Now the number-three girl
the one that was nominated
as the alternate
has to move up
and compete against Molly.
Who's that?
Meet number three.
What a dumb predicament.
I go all out to help Molly win,
and now I have to run against her.
What am I going to do, Mom?
Well, I
I guess there's only one thing I can do
drop out.
If I happen to beat Molly,
it would just crush her.
Well, then, why don't you
On the other hand,
I'd just love to be hostess.
It's a big event.
Well, in that case
But I couldn't do that to Molly.
It means so much to her to be hostess.
Oh. Well
But it means a lot to me, too, you know.
It's quite an honor.
Oh. Well
But I'd be miserable if I did that to Molly.
I'm going to drop out.
I'll tell her at school tomorrow.
You do that.
I feel much better now.
Thanks for all your help, Mom.
Oh, well, that's what mothers are for.
Bye.
Marcia!
Marcia, you haven't told Molly, have you,
about your dropping out for hostess?
No. I haven't seen her yet.
Good, then I caught you in time.
What do you mean?
There's fantastic news.
I was just in the principal's office,
and I happened to overhear something.
There's gonna be a change
in the guest of honor in
your Senior Banquet Night.
You mean it's not going
to be the principal?
No. It's going to be.
Colonel Dick Whitfield, the astronaut.
Colonel Whitfield!
The one who's going to the moon
on one of the new missions?
You're kidding.
It's true.
He's the most famous
graduate of this school.
He's gonna be the guest of honor.
Isn't that fabulous?
It's terrible.
Terrible? Colonel Whitfield
is going to escort the
hostess on Banquet Night.
That's what makes it terrible.
It won't be me.
You mean you're still gonna drop out?
Jan, I can't change my mind now,
not if I know what I'm doing is right.
I'd be miserable.
Well, look, you'll be miserable
if you're not the hostess, too, won't you?
Jan, I just have to drop out.
Well, I hope you know what you're doing.
I do. It's just harder now, that's all.
Hi, Suzanne.
Hi, Molly.
It's terrific the way you've changed.
We were just talking about it.
Thanks. See you in class.
Bye. Bye.
Hi, Molly.
Hi, Marcia.
Like my new outfit?
It's really pretty.
Everybody thinks so.
Did you hear about the new guest
of honor for Banquet Night?
Isn't that fantastic?
Yeah, it will be a really
exciting evening for you.
Well, the teachers haven't made
the final selection yet.
Well, Molly, I'm dropping out.
You see, I'm already on
the yearbook committee
and the graduation exercise committee.
And, well, I've just got
so many things to do.
Oh, that's too bad.
You would have made it a close race.
What do you mean, "close race"?
Well, it's amazing
how popular I've become,
now that I've changed
my looks and personality.
The whole school is talking about me.
Well, you did have a little help, you know.
Marcia, it doesn't make any
difference how I got there.
The point is that I've arrived.
Wow! I guess you think
you could beat me easily.
Why else would you drop out?
You wouldn't be too busy
if you thought you could win
and be escorted by an astronaut.
Well, maybe I'm not too busy after all.
Then go ahead and try to beat me.
Hi, Sally, wait up.
Hi, Marcia, we just saw Mol
( knocking on door )
Come in.
Hi, Greg. Marcia's working on a speech,
and she wants to know
if she can borrow some paper.
Oh, sure.
What's the speech for?
Faculty selection committee.
It's one of those things they judge you on
for Banquet Night hostess.
I thought she worked on
Molly's speech last week.
She did, but this one's for Marcia.
She said she was dropping out.
Well, she isn't.
What changed her mind?
That monster she created.
Molly's body is normal,
but her head is bigger than a basketball.
That's a female for you.
Here.
You know, you can't trust one
as far as you can
throw an elephant. Right.
They got the brains of a gooney bird.
Right Hey, wait a minute.
I'm one of them.
Yeah, uh, sisters are different. Okay.
Tell Marcia good luck with her speech.
Here's your paper, Marcia.
Oh, thanks.
And Greg wishes you luck
with your speech, too.
I'm going to need it.
I used all the best words
for the speech I wrote for Molly.
Mom, Dad, could you
help me with something?
Sure, honey.
What's that, sweetheart?
Well, the faculty committee judges us
on several things to be hostess.
And for one thing,
you have to be able to dance
the first dance with the host.
That shouldn't be any
trouble for you, honey,
you're a good dancer.
Yeah, but I dance like this.
( Snapping fingers )
And, at the banquet, with the principal
and all the teachers there,
well, we have to dance
like when you were kids.
I think she means way
back in the old days.
Speak for yourself, senior citizen.
Could you show me
how to waltz properly?
Waltz!
Okay.
CAROL: I'll teach you the waltz.
Your father can show you the minuet.
Thank you from the bottom
of my silk knee breeches.
( "Moon River" playing )
Shall we?
Indeed.
One, two, three, one, two, three,
one, two, three
Hey, the waltz is really beautiful!
Sure. You bet your oom-pah-pah.
Oh, isn't that nice.
You two haven't danced
for a long time.
Yeah. How come you
never take me dancing?
You had to open your big mouth.
Oops.
Now it's your turn, honey. Come on.
One, two, three, one, two, three,
That's it. One, two, three,
one, two, three, good, two, three,
better, two, three, Very good.
Bend your knees, two, three.
Good. Now look at me.
( laughter )
What are you laughing at? Oh, sure!
Go get him, Alice.
Come on, Marcia!
It's our bathroom, too.
Marcia won't even answer.
How many times can she wash her hair?
Marcia, you'll scrub yourself bald.
I'm glad her contest for banquet hostess
only comes once.
Who would want to be the dumb
old banquet hostess anyway?
Well, I would.
Please, Mr. Principal, pick me.
I've got poise and charm.
But I've got good posture.
See, Mr. Principal?
Pick me.
I've got personality.
I'm a living doll.
Sit right here, girls.
All right, Marcia and Molly,
last, but hardly least,
your speeches about why you want to be
hostess for Senior Banquet Night.
You may go first, Molly.
Mr. Watkins and members
of the selection committee,
Senior Banquet Night has always been
the highlight of our graduation exercises
and the highlight
of my last year in junior high
has been working on
the Readers and Writers Club.
I've learned many new things
here at Fillmore Junior High School
Marcia: And so the
honor of being hostess
is one that we will remember
long after we say good-bye to our school.
And to have that honor
would be the high point
of my years
at Fillmore Junior High School.
Thank you.
( Murmuring )
Before I announce the winner,
I want to tell you that we've had
a most difficult time reaching a decision.
So you're both to be congratulated.
As a matter of fact,
you were exactly even
up until the speeches.
But we feel that one of them
captured the spirit of the occasion
a little better than the other.
It's my pleasure to announce
this year's hostess
for Senior Banquet Night is
Molly Webber.
Oh!
Thank you, Mr. Watkins.
Thanks to all of you.
Congratulations, Molly.
That was an excellent speech you gave.
I don't feel like playing anymore.
I think I'll go to bed.
Honey
Huh?
You did your best in the
competition, didn't you?
Yeah.
You can't do more than that.
I know, but what kills me
is that Molly beat me
with the speech that I helped her write.
( Doorbell rings )
I'll get it.
Hi, Marcia.
Molly, what are you doing here?
Well, I came over to thank you
for all the help you gave me.
I really do appreciate it, Marcia.
Okay, so you appreciate it.
Especially the speech
you worked on for me.
I'm afraid I haven't acted
very nicely towards you.
Okay, Molly.
Now, there's someone here
who wants to meet you.
Hi, Marcia, I'm Dick Whitfield.
Colonel Whitfield!
The astronaut!
Yes, yes.
I met Molly in the principal's office.
She was telling Mr. Watkins
all you'd done for her.
You were?
Uh-huh.
Mr. Watkins and I decided that
in view of the special circumstances,
this year we might try
something new for Senior Banquet
cohostesses.
Cohostesses?!
You mean, me and you?
Yeah. How about it, Marcia?
Oh, wow!
I'll go get my parents.
Sorry.
Won't you please come in?
I'll go get them.
Um
( knocking at door )
Ah, so nice of you to drop by.
Come in, Marcia.
Tell my parents and they're inside.
Yeah.
Well, come on. Okay.
Hi. I'm home.
Hi, honey.
Hi, sweetheart, how was the banquet?
Oh, it was super.
And I got the first waltz
with Colonel Dick Whitfield
even before Molly.
Oh, wonderful.
And I'll bet he remembers me
a lot longer than Molly, too.
Well, that's not exactly
being modest, you know.
He'll never forget me.
I stepped on his feet seven times.
One, two, three, one, two, three,
one, two, three, one, two, three
Good night.
Good night, honey.
One, two, three