Gilligan's Island (1964) s03e28 Episode Script

1
That storm last night
sure saved us a lot of work.
Yeah. Picking up
coconuts like this is a snap.
Yeah. I sure do hate
to climb those palm trees.
Uhh!
You don't have to climb up me, either.
Sorry, skipper, let me help
you up. Thanks. Whoa! Unh!
Why don't you go pick up
coconuts somewhere else,
or there's gonna be a storm here
that's gonna shake
everything loose, including you!!
Aah!
He does it every time.
Phew! It's hot.
Skipper?
Help! Skipper!
Skipper.
Professor! Help!
Professor?!
Help! Help! Somebody!
Gilligan, are you hurt?
What are you screaming about?
It's a pigeon.
Yes. He must have been
blown off his course by the storm.
Look, it's a homing pigeon.
I hope his mother isn't waitin' up for him.
Homing pigeons are carrier pigeons.
We'll tie a note to his leg and send him home.
Think his mother'll believe a note?
Gilligan, do you realize what this means?
Gilligan, what the professor's
trying to say is we've just been saved.
We'll tie a note to this little pigeon
and, bless his little wings, he's gonna
fly it home for us airmail special delivery!
Airmail special delivery!
Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale ♪
a tale of a fateful trip ♪
that started from this tropic port ♪
aboard this tiny ship ♪
the mate was a mighty sailing man ♪
the skipper brave and sure ♪
five passengers set sail that day ♪
for three hour tour ♪
a three hour tour ♪
[thunder]
The weather started getting rough ♪
the tiny ship was tossed ♪
if not for the courage
of the fearless crew ♪
the minnow would be lost
the minnow would be lost ♪
the ship set ground on
the shore of this ♪
uncharted desert isle ♪
with gilligan ♪
the skipper, too ♪
the millionaire ♪
and his wife ♪
the movie star ♪
the professor and Mary Ann ♪
here on gilligan's isle ♪
Isn't he beautiful?
I haven't been so glad to see a bird since
the last Turkey I cooked for Thanksgiving.
I can't believe it! We're being
rescued by a homing pigeon!
Richard Burton would be more romantic,
but I guess you can't have everything.
My pigeon's gonna save us all.
Well, if he does I'm gonna put a statue of
him in central park, and he can sit on himself.
We oughta stop standing
around just yakking.
Let's write a note, pin it
on him, and send him off.
I'm afraid it's not gonna be that simple.
This bird's been through a terrible
ordeal. He's lost lotta feathers and weight.
We'd send him with a short note.
This bird's having trouble supporting his
own weight now. He's in no shape to fly.
You thinking of grounding him?
Well, there's no alternative.
He'll never make it to the
mainland unless we nurse him back.
I'm putting this bird on a special
health food potion immediately.
There. All the vitamins and minerals
a pigeon requires
to be strong and healthy,
and all in highly concentrated form.
I don't see any new feathers yet.
Gilligan, I just started using
this potion. Give it a chance.
I wish I could drink it and grow
feathers. Always wanted to be a bird.
That shouldn't be hard
for you, little buddy.
You've got the brain for it.
That's it for this feeding.
How long before he fattens
so he can take off?
Oh, not long, about 2 weeks.
2 weeks?! 2 weeks?!
2 whole weeks. We could all starve to
death, waiting for that pigeon to shape up.
Hey, skipper, this mango pie that Mary
Ann made is great. Want another piece?
Well, yes, now that you
mention it. I think it's fattening.
Did ya have to add that? Well,
I can eat it because I'm skinny.
I don't wanna hear another word about
mango pie, do ya hear?! Not another word!
I bet the pigeon would even
get fat from eatin' this stuff.
What did you say?
I didn't say mango pie,
skipper. I said, "this stuff."
I heard what you said.
You gave me an idea.
This mango pie's right for the pigeon.
The professor's feedin' him
that health potion.
Forget him! Why should we wait 2
weeks when I know how to fatten him up.
I guess you're right. When it comes to
puttin' on weight, you got a lot of experience.
[Whispering] Alright,
gilligan. Give him the pie.
I can't. Why can't you?
I don't have a fork.
Gilligan, birds don't eat with forks.
Now, give him the pie.
With my hands?
Yes, certainly with your hands.
But isn't that unsanitary?
Here! Give me that.
Come on, pigie.
Start eating.
Oh, look at him go.
Yeah. A special treat
from the old skipper himself.
Come on. Eat, pigeon. Eat.
That's right. Keep eating now
'cause otherwise we're all dead ducks.
Hi, tweety-pie.
Oh
Is your tummy-tum-tum empty?
Auntie ginger and auntie Mary Ann
have something very good
for a hungry little piggie pie.
It's coconut milk, and
it's oh, so good for you.
Hey, look at the way he drinks that stuff.
You were right, Mary Ann.
You have to feed a growing bird
just like you would a baby.
When he finishes, you can
figure out how to burp him.
Poor thing probably hasn't
had a decent meal in weeks.
Morning, Mr. and Mrs. Howell. Morning.
Beautiful day, huh?
It's ideal flying weather!
A pigeon could wake up this
morning feeling like a new bird.
You know the old saying
"birds of a feather gather no moss."
Wish the professor would wake up.
Sure he's in for a surprise.
I've had mine. Now it's your turn.
All: Is that the pigeon?
That is the same pigeon that
flew on the island yesterday?
Somewhere beneath all that blubber,
is a sleek, long-distance carrier pigeon.
He looks like he swallowed a basketball.
Mrs. Howell, someone has been
feeding him in the middle of the night.
Uh, ginger and I fed him
a whole bowl of milk.
Well, it's good for babies.
Gilligan and I gave
him a little biddy piece of pie.
Half a platter.
No wonder he was so thirsty.
And what about you, Mr. Howell?
Surely, you're a member of this
take-a-pigeon-to-lunch bunch.
Well, I'm afraid lovey
and I outdid ourselves.
That bird devoured a meal fit for a king.
Henry viii.
He can't get off the ground now.
Professor, what can we do?
Well, this pigeon is going on a strict
schedule of dieting and heavy exercise,
and if we're lucky, he might be able
to get off the ground and fly in 3 weeks.
3 weeks? 3 weeks?
Do you think he's strong
enough to fly home?
Don't know about him. If I keep
this up much, I'll be strong enough.
You've been living with
that pigeon for 2 weeks.
Yeah. Walter and I
are bird bosom buddies.
Walter? That's what I named him.
How clever of you to name him
after Walter pigeon, the movie star.
No. I named him after my
best friend in grammar school
Walter stuckmeyer. He was pigeon-toed.
Come on, Walter. Pick up the speed.
Come on, let's go. Come
on, faster. Come on.
Well, there he is. Walter's
fuselage is in perfect condition.
He's all revved up.
Our rescue note is secure.
All systems are go.
Hooray! Yay! Yeah! Whoo!
Does he have to go? I was
just beginning to love him.
Oh, gilligan, if Walter
gets to Hawaii for us,
we'll build him a special
cage, just for the 2 of you.
There he goes! Oh, goodbye, Walter!
Next stop, civilization!
Give my regards to Broadway!
Come on. Come on. Come get it.
Come and get but don't shove, now.
Don't shove.
Well, where have you been,
for heaven's sakes?
I was about to give you up for lost.
I'll bet you've got a girlfriend between
here and old lady Hawkins' house.
Well, let's see what the
old lady has to say, huh?
You just go right in there.
Go. Go.
Oh, lady, oh, oh ♪
oh ♪
mm-hmm.
"To whom it may concern
"We are shipwrecked on a desert island
"approximately 300 miles
southeast of Hawaii.
"Please send help.
Passengers and crew of the minnow."
Huh!
Ha ha! That's funny.
That don't sound like old lady Hawkins.
I didn't know the old girl had
that kind of a sense of humor.
"Shipwrecked."
She coulda fooled me.
Shipwrecked.
Okay, lover boy, you just
take it nice and easy
while I think up a reply.
"Dear shipwrecked"
17, 18, 19, 20.
They're all here, lovey.
Good, then gilligan can
bring out my luggage.
Yeah. You're so right, dear. Uh, gilligan
think I see a rescue plane.
It's coming this way!
Well, is it a seaplane?
It's too small to be a
seaplane. Is it a helicopter?
No, it's too small to be a helicopter.
Well, is it a glider?
No, it's too small to be a glider.
Well, good heavens, what is it, my boy?
Oh, it's a pigeon. It's Walter.
Walter? What's he doing back here?
Good heavens, he's a
duel-homer. A duel-homer?
Does that mean he's a baseball player?
A duel-homer is a pigeon
that flies between 2 places.
Apparently, he's adopted
the island as a second home!
Why did he fly back alone?
Yes. Where are the rescue planes?
Well, here's the message.
Which one of you is Mrs. Hawkins?
Oh, gilligan, give me that.
"Dear Mrs. Hawkins, I got your last
message and enjoyed it very much.
"You had me fooled with that line
"about being a bunch of
people stranded on an island.
"Keep the messages coming,
"I can use the laughs.
Signed, burtie, your
homing pigeon pen pal."
Professor, he didn't believe your note.
Maybe your handwriting's
like Mrs you know.
We're gonna have to start all over.
Do you mind if I write the next message?
I mean, after all, money talks,
and when money talks, people listen.
Lovey, get ready to take a message
With lots of numbers.
"Dear Mr. Burtie,
"I am offering you a
million-dollar cash reward
"if you will help rescue lovey and myself
"and 5 poor souls
shipwrecked on this island.
"I'm enclosing our approximate position
"and a $1,000 bill
"as down payment for the reward.
Signed thurston ho well III."
Eh heh heh! A million dollars.
Million dollars. Eh heh heh!
That old lady Hawkins really
turned out to be a live one.
A million dollars. Well
We'll answer that.
"Dear Mrs. Hawkins,
"your last message was even
funnier than the one before,
"but you didn't fool me.
"Everyone knows the
millionaire thurston ho well
"went down in the pacific on the minnow.
Signed, burtie."
Yes, I know, but the
thousand-dollar bill, the reward.
Certainly that must have convinced him.
"P.s.: I put the $1,000 bill
you sent me to good use.
One of the pigeons is
feathering her nest with it."
Oh, no. He must have thought
the bill's a phony.
Oh, I can't believe it. Neither can I.
Can you imagine a pigeon trying to
wallpaper his nest with a $1,000 bill?
If there was some way to convince
burtie that we're not kidding.
We'll send him a picture of us standing
in front of the wreckage of the minnow.
That certainly would convince him.
Wonderful! Where'd
you leave the pigeon?
Back in the cave where it's cool.
Go get him. He's got
one more message to deliver.
Yes, sir. Hurry! Hurry!
Walter, this time you're gonna save us.
Nothing can stop us, absolutely nothing.
Except maybe a giant 6-foot spider?
Spider! A spider! A spider!
A spider! Spider!
There. Now that picture
should do the trick, skipper.
Yeah. That should really convince
our pen pal that we are shipwrecked.
I wonder where gilligan is.
Skipper, professor! Skipper
gilligan!
Oh, eee! Ooh! Now, slow
down, gilligan. What is it?
There's a giant spider in the cave.
It's the biggest, ickiest thing I ever saw.
Oh, gilligan, why must you alw
there are no giant spiders on the island.
Why do you have to blow
everything out of proportion?
I didn't do that. The spider did it.
Gilligan, where's the
pigeon? In the cave. Ew!
You left it there? Don't you
know that's gonna save our lives?
I know that. I also know
the spider's gonna take mine.
C'mon, let's take a look!
Ahh
Well, I don't see any giant spider in here.
He was here a while ago.
You're just imagining things.
Well, there's the pigeon anyway.
Yeah. I'll get him, professor.
Oh! Oh! A spider! A spider!
That's the biggest, blackest,
ickiest thing I ever saw!
That's what I said.
That's a black morning
spider. Its bite is deadly.
His hug wouldn't do you much
good, either. Let's get outta here!
Come on, gilligan.
Phew! That's the strongest
fruit punch I ever smelled.
Well, that's a very special
kind of cider, gilligan.
Yeah. To make the spider drunk.
How about that? Spider cider.
Good old professor's spider cider
guaranteed to knock him
off his feet, all 8 of 'em.
Yeah. While he's sleeping it
off, we grab the pigeon and run.
What if the spider won't
drink out of these gourds?
Oh, don't worry about that.
We're gonna siphon out this turtle egg
and replace the yolk with spider cider.
Oh, boy, yeah! Spiders love turtle eggs.
He sure is in for a surprise omelet.
[Slurping]
Professor, I thought you said that
that cider would knock the spider out.
He's drained the egg and
everything, and he's still standing.
Wait a minute. He's beginning to stagger.
It looks like 4 men having a tug-of-war.
He's getting so drunk, he
couldn't spin a straight web.
He's moving away from the cave.
I'll get Walter.
Professor: Oh, no.
Gilligan will be trapped.
Come on!
Ah!
Professor: Get away from there.
Ah! Get away from there.
Get him, skipper.
Ah! Get away from there!
This trap should catch at
least one of the spider's legs.
Oh, it can't miss. I once
used it on an African safari.
I bagged 4 trophies simultaneously.
Unfortunately, they
were my native gun bearers.
How are we gonna get
the spider into the trap?
We lead him to it with a
trail of cider. Good thinking.
The old souse probably
can't wait for another drink.
Be my guest, professor. There you are.
Watch it.
Careful.
Watch it. Watch it.
Watch your step, professor.
Don't get in the trap.
Whup!
There you are.
[Rahhh]
I think he's moving.
Quick! Into the bushes.
Alright with me.
It's working, professor.
He's heading right for the trap.
Skipper! Professor!
I'm free! I'm free oomph!
Oh!
Gilligan.
Gilligan, you've ruined my trap!
I didn't do myself much good, either.
Let's cut him down before
the spider comes back.
We oughta leave him there.
That way he'll be outta the way.
I wish you guys would make up your
mind. The suspension is killing me.
Uhh! [Thud]
Quick! Let's get the pigeon!
Walter, my boy, we've
come to rescue you.
Yes. We hope you'll do the same for us.
The spider! The spider!
He's comin' back!
Oh, no! Now we're all trapped.
Whoa! Whoa!
But it's true, Mrs. Howell.
We heard the men calling.
They're all in the cave.
Oh, dear. Thurston always
catches cold in a damp place.
We have to do something.
What can we do?
We're just 3 helpless females.
Tsk! Oh
If that spider were a man,
I'd know what to do.
But he is a spider.
A pity we don't know a female spider.
I wouldn't know one if I saw one.
Say
Maybe the spider
wouldn't know the difference either.
What are you thinking about?
The mirror.
Maybe the spider's
never seen himself before.
It might just be love at first sight.
To the left, ladies. A little more to the left.
He's just seen himself.
[Gasp] What's he doing?
Oh! He's backing up into the cave!
Maybe he's bashful.
No. He's just playing hard-to-get.
We've got to get him
and get him out of that cave.
Mush, ladies! Straight ahead!
What are they up to?
Why the spider thinks he's looking
at another male spider.
He's afraid of himself!
That makes it unanimous.
But but but they're
sending him the wrong way!
Girls! The other way!
Professor: Turn him
around, girls! Back him up!
Good work, girls! Good work!
Now we can take the mirror
push it up right and scare him!
I'll do it! I'll do it!
Gilligan! Ooh!
The mirror! Does that mean
we'll have 7 years bad luck?
I don't think we'll live
that long! Go away! Go!
Go away! Please, go
away! Leave us alone!
I'll give you 10 pounds of flies
smothered in hollandaise sauce. Go away.
Get back! Get back!
Alright, Walter, you're
gonna get outta here alive.
[Screeching]
Good old Walter.
He really scared the spider away.
I should have thought of that.
Birds are a spider's deadliest enemy,
even if the spider is gargantuan.
Or even if it's big.
Please, Walter, do
us just one more favor.
You just take that photograph
right back to your master.
And we will dub you, "sir Walter."
Don't stop to wink at
any strange lady birds.
There he goes!
Oh!
Bye, Walter!
Well, hello.
Let's see what Mrs. Hawkins
has to say this time.
Burtie, I got some great news for ya.
You're a free man.
Your parole just came through.
You mean it?
Oh, now, Burt, I wouldn't
kid you about a thing like that.
When do I get out?
The board says that you
can leave right now.
Now? I'm free!
Oh! I'm free.
Free! Free! We're free! We're free!
And if I'm free, that
means all of us are free.
Free as a bird!
Do you hear that, birds? We're free.
Oh, I'm so nervous.
Out! You're free!
Go! Fly away!
Go! You're free!
Go! Go! Free! Free!
Uhh!
Mmm! Oh!
Burtie: We're free!
We're free! We're free!
Free! Free! Ooh!
No plane, no rescue. Nothin'.
Well, poor Walter. I hope
nothing bad happened to him.
Oh, I doubt it.
He probably flew off somewhere
and never delivered our message.
It's Walter.
He's come back.
Yeah, and look, he's got a message.
Oh.
Here. Here.
Oh, boy, let's see what it says.
It's a picture, I think of the
people who are gonna rescue us!
Oh, good old Walter! Good old Walter!
Gilligan, how many people
are gonna come rescue us?
6 people 3 women and 3 men,
I think they're coming by boat
because they're near some water.
Really? Let me see that picture,
gilligan. Yes, sir, 3 women and 3
oh, no!
Gilligan, you dunce!
This is a picture of us!
Huh?! Oh.
I thought we looked kinda familiar.
Oh, gilligan, why do you do it every time?
Every time!
Ah!
Now this is a tale of our castaways ♪
they'll have to make the best of things ♪
it's an uphill climb ♪
the first mate and his skipper, too ♪
will do their very best ♪
to make the others comfortable ♪
in their tropic island nest ♪
no phone, no light ♪
no motor cars, not a single luxury ♪
like Robinson crusoe ♪
it's primitive as can be ♪
so join us here each week, my friends ♪
you're sure to get a smile ♪
from 7 stranded castaways ♪
here on gilligan's isle ♪