Beyond Paradise (2023) s04e01 Episode Script

1
JOLLY MUSIC
DUCK CLUCKS NEARBY
Morning, Selwyn.
QUACKING
There's no hot water!
OK. I'll come and take a look.
MUSIC DISTORTS AND SLOWS TO A STOP
And the carpet's all wet in here!
I think we've sprung a leak, or
Right.
I think the most important thing
is to not panic.
We need to think logically.
Does the engine work?
Engine! Brilliant!
Ohh Ah.
Oh!
CLATTERING
Humphrey, are you all right?
I'm fine! OK
CLANKING
Ah
What's that?
I'm not entirely sure.
It's dripping oil.
Have we got life jackets?
Well, I didn't think we'd need them.
You know, being parked up.
Wood!
We could make a raft.
MARTHA SCREAMS
Humphrey?!
I need two pencils and a pair
of underpants, please.
Oh!
Oh
Morning!
Dad?
SWITCH CLICKS ON AND OFF
Dad?
Dad?!
SHE GASPS
HORN BLOWS
HORN BLOWS
CHEERING
What happened?
We were really worried.
Yes. The mooring rope snapped, and
the current dragged us out to sea, Kelby.
- Thank heavens for the RNLI.
- Yes.
Oh! Anne said to phone her
the second you get back.
Er, you all right, sir?
Yes.
Oh, it's, er It's just a bump.
Um, I
Only, you're needed.
Esther's gone on ahead.
- Where?
- Kenneth Linder's house.
Oh, sir! Sir!
Oh, yes. I'm so sorry. Yes.
There we go, there we go. I do apologise.
Yes.
Up here, sir!
HE SIGHS
Are you OK?
How's Martha?
We're both fine, thank you.
Oh, Kenneth.
You know, I only spoke to him last night.
Oh, of course.
You went to the book signing.
Yes. Here we are.
I'm still not sure
this qualifies as a date.
In my defence, I was coerced into
your Mamma Mia! Karaoke night.
- Coerced?
- Well, maybe not coerced,
but if those photos ever
get into the wrong hands
Right, here we are.
So, consider this payback.
This week sees the launch
of the new Kenneth Linder novel,
The Final Breath.
Now, since he's moved to Shipton Abbott,
we are brazenly claiming him
as one of our own.
So, as your new local councillor and
treasurer of the Devon Literary Group,
I would like you all to give a huge
welcome to our guest, Kenneth Linder.
His daughter Helen found him in the bath.
The electric fan in the water
at his feet.
It looks like he's been here all night.
Looks like the power tripped eventually,
but not quick enough to save him.
Well, this is something of a conundrum.
Why? Because in his latest novel,
serial killer Jeremy Cook
is walking to the electric chair,
which is where the last book left him,
but it turns out he bribed the guard
to short-circuit the prison power,
therefore delaying his
execution until the next day.
Hmm.
But, that night he murdered
the guard that helped him
and stole his uniform to escape.
Nice. Then
he found the judge that sentenced him
and, like his nine previous
victims, killed him
by dropping an electrical appliance
into his bath.
Hmm.
HUMPHREY SIGHS
Thank you, Sergeant.
Hmm Ah, yes.
We've got something outside, too.
Trampled flowerbed by an open rear door.
We did a quick check, and
the footprints are probably male,
judging by size and weight,
but they're not an obvious match
for any of the footwear
found in the house.
We've taken moulds, but there's
a difference in indent depth,
so we're pretty sure whoever
made them had a distinct limp.
- Limp?
- Yeah.
Much less weight put on his left leg.
The main road runs across
the back of the garden,
so someone could have got over
the fence and along this path.
- Cameras?
- Er, nothing this side.
Doorbell camera at the front.
We've got him being dropped off
last night by his daughter Helen,
and then her coming back this morning.
I know you, don't I?
From the, er, book signing last night.
You were with your father.
That's right. DI Goodman.
Er, Humphrey Goodman. Ah.
A huge fan. Ah.
This is my fian
Um, my my wife, Martha.
Hi. Hi.
So, Humphrey,
do you have a favourite case?
Oh, yes. The first of
the Bathtub trilogy,
Death By Design.
The bottle-top MacGuffin - genius.
Oh! Thank you.
Wait
you're not Detective Humphrey Goodman?
- Yes. How'd you know that?
- Well
I'm something of a fan of yours, too.
I read the newspaper report
about the case you solved,
the poor chap murdered by his
partner, made to look like a car crash.
Yeah.
Brilliant! Thank you!
THEY ALL CHUCKLE
KENNETH SCRIBBLES
Well, a pleasure to meet you, Humphrey.
And you, Martha.
Thank you.
This must be difficult for you.
Is there family we can call?
No, it's just me and Dad.
Are you up to a few questions, Helen?
I'll try.
When was the last time
you saw your father
before this morning?
Last night. I dropped him home
after the book signing.
Promise me you'll have an early night.
Oh
A nightcap first, I think.
- One.
- At least!
- Love you.
- Love you, too.
ESTHER: And how did he seem in himself?
Quiet.
But I know he was tired.
Can I ask, was your dad
a particularly tidy man?
Tidy? God, no!
He was bloody-minded, intelligent,
playful, and a rather wonderful father.
But tidy? No.
There's something else you need to know.
He was dying.
He had end-stage amyloidosis,
an abnormal build-up of proteins.
Stops his organs working properly.
Said he refused to die until he'd
finished his damn book.
But he'd been going downhill
pretty rapidly these past few weeks.
We knew it wouldn't be long.
But this
Do you think he took his own life?
Do you?
I know he was in a lot of pain,
but he refused the palliative
care he was offered.
People are coming in.
Are you sure you're up to this, Dad?
Stop fussing.
I'm strong as an ox.
We need to take care of your
dad, so you might be better at home.
They'll take him to the chapel of rest,
and I promise I'll call and let
you know when he's there.
Thank you.
DOOR CLOSES
Do you think that's it?
He did this himself?
There was a towel, neatly
folded by the side of the bath.
Dressing gown and slippers ready.
So, why go to all that trouble
if you know you'll never
be getting out of the bath?
Exactly. So, it has to be an accident.
Hmm, possibly.
Wait
you're thinking it's murder?
- We should consider it.
- Why?
Because the victim
wrote murder mystery novels?
No, Sergeant,
because there are some things
- that don't make sense.
- Such as?
Well, it's all rather neat,
don't you think?
Too neat, perhaps, for a man
not known for his tidiness.
That's it?
It was too neat?
So what if someone put those things in
place to make it look like an accident?
And what about the fact that he died
in exactly the way described
in his own book?
Can we really accept
that's just a coincidence?
No.
So, if we can rule out suicide,
accident and coincidence, which we can,
because there's no such thing, then what
happened to Kenneth Linder
must be by design.
Let's confirm cause of death.
Let Forensics finish up.
And I want an electrical report.
Why didn't the power trip out
immediately?
Oh, and have his clothes checked, too.
See if this belongs
to any of them, please?
OK. Thank you.
- And we should talk to his agent.
- Yes.
DOOR CLOSES
Ha
"PM."
Pothole Pete was on the RNLI boat.
He said, if they overslept, they
could have ended up in Guernsey.
"Pothole Pete"?
Oh, they call him that because
people try to avoid him.
He goes on a bit!
PHONE RINGS Oh!
Shipton Abbott.
No, that's not here.
The press office is at the hub, darling.
Do you need the number?
No problem.
Bye!
OK. I've got a criminal damage, and
also an assault on a shopkeeper in town.
I'll be a couple of hours.
OK.
PHONE RINGS
Shipton Abbott.
- As his agent, you knew he was ill.
- Of course.
But it wasn't public knowledge?
It's the way Kenny wanted it.
He's a very
He was a very proud man.
He didn't want people fawning over him.
I, um I saw you
at the book signing last night.
How did he seem to you?
Oh, sweetheart!
You were wonderful.
Calm
considering this was
his last roll of the dice.
Why do you say that?
His last book was a decade ago, and
that did appallingly.
Obviously, he couldn't get
a publishing deal,
so started borrowing against the house
so that he could write this one.
He was in financial difficulty?
This book was his last chance
of avoiding bankruptcy.
He kept his money problems
from Helen, of course.
He didn't want her to worry about that
on top of everything else.
They seem very close.
They lost Helen's mum when she was seven,
so it's only ever really been
the two of them.
Everything Kenny ever did,
he did for her.
But Mr Linder confided in you
about his financial difficulty.
I'm his agent. Goes with the territory.
Oh, can I ask
Er
Um, do the initials "PM"
mean anything to you?
No. Should they?
No.
There was another man
at the book signing last night.
He didn't look like a fan,
but I saw you speaking to him.
That would be Ken's publisher,
Anthony Westley.
Nice to see you
pushed the boat out, Anthony.
I think your client's Oxford Street
soirees were over a long time ago.
- Don't you?
- He's made you a lot of money.
He's made us all
a lot of money, dear heart,
but I'm slightly surprised
that, as a literary agent,
you don't understand
the use of the past tense.
Your loyalty is staggering.
Jump off your high horse, will you?
He's washed up.
We're both just hovering,
waiting for him to die,
so we can revive his back catalogue.
Not the nicest man.
No, his time was over,
metaphorically speaking.
People are just not
buying his books any more.
And yet, you still published
this latest novel?
True, but on very, very different terms.
No advance. And on the condition that he
brought back the Bathtub Murders trilogy.
They were his most successful
books, so I thought
they will guarantee
our best chance of a return.
But with no advance, would that mean that
he was writing for free, essentially?
Yes, but he would get the
lion's share if the book sold well.
- But you don't expect it to.
- No.
So, a much better deal
for you than him, then?
What can I say?
Business is business.
Plus, I tend to come out in a rash
when I lose money.
Do you know how Mr Linder died?
He was electrocuted
in his bath.
Oh. Exactly the same way as
the first murder in his new book.
To be honest, I haven't read it,
but it does sound a tad ironic.
You haven't read a book
you've just published?
I have people.
Do the initials "PM"
mean anything to you?
No, I don't
No, I don't think they do.
If it is murder,
can we make him a suspect, please?
I'm not sure that's quite
how it works, Sergeant.
Hmm, pity.
This PM thing, could it be
something else rather than initials?
- Such as?
- I don't know.
- Afternoon?
- No.
PM only really works
as a suffix, doesn't it?
Hmm. And why have it in your hand unless
you're trying to tell us something?
- The name of his killer?
- Why not?
- We don't believe it was an accident.
- Agreed.
And why take your own life
if you're dying?
Life insurance!
His daughter would benefit.
But she'd get that when he died anyway.
If the prognosis was right, he may
have only had weeks left. Days, perhaps.
Which brings us right back
to the question,
who could possibly benefit
from the death of a dying man
on the verge of bankruptcy?
They threw this.
- But you didn't see anyone?
- Nothing.
Just a bang, and the whole
window caved in.
Lucky no-one was hurt.
- And this was what time?
- Er, nine.
Yeah, just after we opened.
Financials are on your desk.
Makes for pretty grim reading.
- Ah.
- And he had no life insurance.
Cancelled his policy
two years ago and never renewed.
And the phone's been
ringing off the hook.
Journalists all wanting to know
how Kenneth Linder died
and if it's true he was in the bath.
I didn't think we'd released
anything yet.
No, we haven't.
Well, I passed 'em all on
to the hub's press office.
Well done, Margo.
Was there anything on
Kenneth Linder's social media?
That was easy.
He's on my Facebook friends.
- You knew him?
- What?!
Well, back in the day, when he
was an angry young writer,
and I was a Redcoat at Pirton Sands.
- What?!
- Wait!
- You were a Redcoat?
- Only for eight months.
I got sacked. Why?
They said I rigged the over-70s
fancy-dress competition,
just because Grandad won.
- And Kenneth Linder?
- Oh, we met at a Mary Hopkin concert.
Turned into a weekend
of debauchery in Norwich.
We mostly lost touch after that,
although people do say he based
one of his characters on me.
- Which one?
- Er, Melody Allcock.
LAUGHS
She was the waitress
in the first Bathtub Murders.
Yes, she was! Yes!
I mean, she was
the killer's ex-girlfriend.
She was the one who helped
unlock the whole case.
She was the one who eventually
led Horrace Bishop
to Jeremy Cook in the third book.
- Yeah!
- And that was you?
Supposedly.
But I never saw it myself.
She was a bit
strange.
Can you give me a description of
the man who hit you, Mr Bevan?
He was a lot taller than me,
like. He had on a tracksuit.
One of them with a hood.
- Did you see his face?
- No.
He had a scarf over his face.
I came out, on my way to the bank.
I only took three steps.
He stood right in front of me,
just like you are now,
and he hit me with a rolled-up newspaper!
So, he just came up to you and hit you
on the head with a rolled-up newspaper.
I'm telling you, Kelly,
this area's gone to the dogs.
Oh, it's, um
Yesterday, a similar thing happened.
Man came up to me, tried
to punch me in the face.
- A different man?
- Yeah.
Dressed the same, like.
He was taller than me, too.
- And he tried to punch you?
- Yeah.
But he missed.
Then he started crying and ran off!
- Crying?
- It's these kids, Kelly.
- Kelby.
- They're all sniffing glue
and smoking something.
Day before, one of them stole my dog poo.
Dog poo?
Honey Badger, my dog, got into the shop
from upstairs,
left a little present, see?
So, I bagged it up,
went outside to the bin,
and this lunatic ran up,
snatched it and ran off!
Er Can you describe him?
He's a Border terrier
No, the man who stole your poo.
Oh, er, dressed the same, like.
Um, a tracksuit and face covered.
Um, was he taller than you?
What do you mean?
You said the others were
I'm just trying to get a description.
Oh. Well, yeah, now
you mention it, Kelly.
Kelby. And he was wearing a tracksuit?
With his backside hanging out!
But that's kids for you
these days, though, innit?
I know you've got all these
face-recognition cameras these days.
You'd be better off
with arse recognition.
OK. Um, well, I'll
Leave it with me, Mr Bevan.
I'll talk to the other shopkeepers,
see if anyone's seen anything.
But I'll be in touch.
Righto, Kelly.
Eh, Kelly!
Bloody good hiding!
That's what they need!
MUMBLES Stop calling me Kelly.
Hello, Mike. All right?
Seen anything happen
down there at the barber's?
- No, nothing.
- Nothing?
See anything?
- Thank you.
- No problem.
Hello.
That was the boat yard.
The Lily Bond might be
out of the water for months.
It needs a complete overhaul.
I can't say I'm surprised.
It had bits falling off
when I was staying on it.
Well, you know you're always
welcome at mine.
- Humphrey will be mortified.
- Thanks very much.
No, not about us staying
with you - about the boat.
Really loves that boat, doesn't he?
Yeah, but it was only ever
supposed to be a stopgap
until we found somewhere
more permanent. So
maybe it's time we did just that.
Find a house.
Good for you, Motty.
Won't be easy.
Hmm. There's always loads
of places up for sale.
No, I don't mean finding a house.
I mean telling Humphrey.
SHE CHUCKLES
So, you've heard, then?
Heard what?
About Archie.
What about him?
I heard he was dating.
Good for him.
Don't you want to know who with?
No.
Who?
No idea.
But very pretty, by all accounts.
They were seen coming out
of Kitty Jay's arm in arm.
PHONE RINGS
Hi, Nick. OK.
Thank you.
The button doesn't match any of the
clothes found in the wardrobe.
Right.
And the RCD switch was disabled, which
meant the power didn't cut off instantly.
So, if it was murder,
then it was premeditated.
What were those initials you found?
PM. Why?
I might have something
on Kenneth Linder's page.
Someone's posted a death threat,
saying he's a fraud, that he sold
out doing a new book,
that he's ruined the trilogy
by adding a fourth book.
Some of the messages are pretty vile.
But the last one - look.
"Be careful you don't end up
like one of your own victims."
That fits, doesn't it?
A deranged fan.
Who better to copy
a murder from the book?
- Paul Meca. M-E-C-A.
- Paul Meca.
What do we know about him?
Nothing. Just the name. Not much history.
Looks like the account's
only been open a few weeks.
I can put in a request
for some more information,
but you know what these social
media companies are like.
- I wouldn't hold your breath.
- OK. If he's a fan,
then maybe he was at
the book signing last night.
And if he's not local, then he must
have stayed somewhere.
So, let's check local hotels,
guest houses, all of that.
Right.
PHONE RINGS
Shipton Abbott.
Psst!
You're wanted!
What?
At the hub!
They'll They'll just have to wait, OK?
I need to speak to Helen Linder first.
Sergeant!
I can't ever remember
Dad mentioning a Paul Meca.
It seems he disapproved of the new book,
accusing your dad of selling out.
Oh. We had lots of that.
The thing is, Dad didn't necessarily
disagree with them either.
But going back to the Bathtub Murders
was the only way he could get published.
I think he needed the money.
Oh, he never said anything,
but he hated Anthony Westley.
I know he'd never have
gone back there unless he had to.
PHONE RINGS
Sorry, excuse me.
Hello?
DI Goodman, I presume?
James Smith. Please.
CLEARS HIS THROA
Sorry
I was expecting
Chief Superintendent Woods.
No longer with us, I'm afraid.
Oh
Oh, not deceased.
In Dartmouth.
Though some might argue
they're much the same thing!
Yeah, but I digress.
Look, there's been
a small restructure.
Yeah, we're not trying
to boil the ocean, just a
realignment.
Bringing all the remaining
sub-stations under our control.
- "Our"?
- Administrative planning.
Which, in turn, reports to the
local Police and Crime Panel.
In your case, that would be
Shipton Abbott, of course.
Non-invasive.
Just building a loop. Hmm?
Everyone's in it and we all
open our kimono.
- Kimono?
- Show what we have.
Get all our ducks in a row.
That's how we move the needle.
- You follow?
- Yes Er, no. Not really.
Now, the first carriage on the train
to Efficiency Harbour HE SIGHS
is streamlining.
Trimming the fat.
Cutbacks.
Well unclogging the pipes.
There's only four of us.
Which is rather the point!
In what way?
There should only be three.
Your staff-to-square-footage ratio is
off message.
Oh, but it's not all bad news.
No. The decision about who to lose
all yours.
LINE RINGS
Hey, Sam. It's Martha Goodman.
There's, um, one of your properties
I'd like to see if it's still available.
On Polkirt Hill?
Cheer up! It might never happen.
That's the point.
What?
Everyone seems to have things going on.
Martha's looking to buy a new house.
Anne's just been made a new councillor,
going off on fancy lunches all the time.
Archie's dating again. And here's me.
Exactly the same as I was last week,
last month, pretty much
the whole of last year.
Literally nothing is happening
in my life right now.
One morning, I'm just going to wake up
and find out I'm old, still on my own
and still living in Shipton Abbott.
I can't think of anything worse.
I know, right?
So, who's Archie dating, then?
Not that I'm bothered. Just interested.
No idea.
Supposed to be really pretty, though.
RADIO: Tributes are pouring in
following the death
of renowned author Kenneth Linder,
who was found dead in his home
at Shipton Abbott this morning.
It comes in the week he launched
his latest novel, The Final Breath.
No-one seems to have seen anything.
If it's the town centre, the CCTV
should have picked them up.
Hi, sir!
So, the name Meca
I ran a quick trace.
We have 34 families with that
last name in Devon and Cornwall,
but with nothing
to cross-check it with,
- it's tough to narrow down.
- Right. So, what do we know about him?
Er, he's a Kenneth Linder
fan, he's got a limp, and
he's got a button missing.
Not much. All right! Er
See if there's a Kenneth Linder fan club
or a book-reading group.
They'll have a list of members.
- Why didn't I think of that?
- Yes. And, er,
maybe we could take a punt
on the limp, too?
Check for local hospital
admissions in the
last six months. Injuries to his left
Left leg. I'm on it.
Yes.
So, the hub.
Anything to report?
Er, yes.
Yes, seems we're
under new management, everyone.
The Chief Super's moved on
and we are now being overseen
by the planning team and the local
Police and Crime Panel.
So, where's Charlie Woods gone?
- Dartmouth, I think he said.
- Oh, no.
She was lovely. I really liked her.
Yeah, she was definitely
one of the better ones.
Is that it, though, now Charlie's gone?
No new directives or anything?
Er Er, no.
Mmm.
STRAW SCRAPES
Lab have confirmed Kenneth
Linder as death by electrocution,
although they have listed his
amyloidosis as a secondary cause.
His body was so weak, he was unlikely
- to survive the initial shock.
- Mm-hm.
This is madness!
What's that, Kelby?
The local bookmaker Dafydd Bevan,
assaulted three times in three days.
Got the town centre CCTV footage,
but not one of them makes any sense.
Look, here.
This is the first one.
His dog makes a mess in his shop.
He bagged it up and was taking it
to an outside bin.
Then someone snatches it off him.
That's weird.
HUMPHREY CHUCKLES
Then the next one.
Same time next day, near
enough, a different bloke runs up
and tries to punch him, misses,
and then Mr Bevan said that he
started crying, and then ran off.
And then, this morning, a
third bloke came out of nowhere,
whacks him on the head
with a rolled-up newspaper -
for no reason - and then
just runs off as well!
That is all very odd.
We'll send someone over now.
Just kids messing about.
I think I've found your Paul Meca.
Yeah, he arrived two nights ago.
Said he was here on business.
Kept himself to himself.
Thank you.
Would you know him if you saw him again?
Oh, doubt it.
Don't pay much attention to overnighters.
- Can I ask how he paid?
- Er, cash. Cash.
- Has anyone else stayed in this room?
- No.
The cleaner's supposed to check
for things like this.
Did he give any personal
details when he checked in?
Address, phone number?
- He filled a registration card out.
- Can we see it?
It's downstairs, in the office. Esther
Do you have any security cameras?
We have a doorbell camera.
Excellent.
Hmm, can't see him arriving.
Oh, but he might have come in
through the side door.
Let's look at when he left.
OK. Thanks, Margo.
Address and phone number are false.
There he is.
He's got a limp.
That's him.
Come on! You should have
gone an hour ago!
Nearly done.
Boy your age should be rushing home,
getting ready to go out!
Haven't you got a date or anything?
Nah, I've given up
on all them dating apps.
Oh. Last one I met up with must have
used a photo that was older than me.
Oh.
She keeps sending me photos of her
lasagne.
Well don't be long.
- I won't.
- Hm.
KELBY SIGHS
Hi.
Hi.
HUMPHREY SIGHS
Bad day?
CHUCKLES
Not as bad as Selwyn.
Look, he's homeless.
QUACKING
Oh, your author's been
all over the news.
They're saying it was murder.
I think so, yeah.
Any idea who it was?
Well, we've got a good suspect,
a disgruntled fan who was
sending threatening messages,
and we can place him at the scene, so
I'm sorry.
I know you liked him.
I did, yeah.
But it's not that.
- I got called in to the hub.
- Oh.
- You've been told off again?
- Not this time.
SIGHS
They're saying I've got to lose
someone at the station.
- What?
- Yeah.
Apparently, there should only
be three of us at the station,
so I need to lose one of either
Esther, Kelby
or Margo.
- That's awful!
- Yeah.
- What will you do?
- I have no idea.
So, I've got something
that might cheer you up,
or make you feel ten times worse.
Right.
If it's bad timing and you
don't want to talk about it,
- then just say so.
- It's bad timing.
But the Lily Bond will be
out of the water for weeks
HE SIGHS
maybe months.
And, although we can stay
at Mum's again
I was thinking that
maybe it was time to move on
and went back to our original plan
when we first moved down, and
bought a house!
Are you serious?
Look.
Hello, Pete! Where have you been?
- Out and about!
- Oh, Arthur, still not better, that leg?
No. Oh.
Hello, lovey! See you Friday!
Oh, yeah! Ha!
MARGO GASPS
You're in early.
What's up with you? Wet your bed?
No!
So, I had a brainwave.
Ohhh
I was sitting in the bath, listening
to Billie Eilish, when I realised
that all those things
that happened to Mr Bevan,
outside the bookmaker's, all
happened at the same time,
between five to nine and ten
past nine, three days in a row.
So, what if they're there again today?
I can get there first
and wait for them to show up.
So
what's Billie Eilish
got to do with it?
Oh, nothing. I just like her.
The fan club
hasn't got a Paul Meca listed.
I'm still waiting on hospital reports.
OK.
- That's sad.
- What is?
It's an interview with Kenneth Linder.
They asked him where the title
of his book came from.
When his wife was dying,
she made him promise
to look after their daughter Helen.
He said to her that he would,
to his final breath.
I think he kept his promise.
They were very close.
Yes. I only wish we had
more answers for her.
Right!
Let's run through what we've got again.
Oi!
Stop!
Oi! Stop!
MUSIC: I Fought The Law by The Clash
Go get him, Kelly!
Breakin' rocks in the hot sun ♪
I fought the law and the law won ♪
I fought the law and the law won ♪
I needed money cos I had none ♪
Oi! Stop!
I fought the law and the law won ♪
I left my baby and it feels so bad ♪
Guess my race is run ♪
She's the best girl that I ever had ♪
I fought the law and the law won ♪
I fought the law and the ♪
In pursuit, Coopers Passage!
OK! There's nowhere to go!
I said come here!
BOTH GRUN
I've got you now!
SIRENS APPROACH
You lived here as a teenager, didn't you?
Yes, I did.
Didn't you find it weird,
seeing the same people
every day and them always
looking the same?
Kelby?!
Mm
Hello!
Um, can I use your bathroom, please?
MUD SPLATTERS Oh!
No, neither can we rule out a
Kelby.
Kelby?!
Mum's washing my uniform.
I was chasing one of the kids
that assaulted Mr Bevan.
Caught one of them,
and he dobbed the other two in.
They're in the hub at the
moment, being questioned.
Well done, Kelby.
Yes, indeed. Well done. Kelby.
So, what was it all about?
OK, so, Mr Bevan keeps the cash from
the tills and the slot machines
in a safe overnight, then banks
it the same time every morning.
They obviously found out about it
and decided to rob him.
But they weren't very bright.
The first one thought Mr Bevan was on his
way to bank his takings, but he wasn't.
He was disposing a bag of dog poo.
The next day, they had a different plan.
The second one was going to throw pepper
into Mr Bevan's face
and steal the bag of money,
but he didn't account
for the wind direction.
SOBBING
The third one had another plan.
He had put a big chisel in a
rolled-up newspaper to cosh him,
but he hadn't wrapped it tightly
enough, so when he pulled his arm back
LIGHT THUD
GLASS SMASHES NEARBY
So that's what happened
to the barber's window.
And lucky it did, cos it could
have killed someone.
Oh, what have you done?
I turned my ankle when I was
getting pulled out the mud.
HE WINCES
Esther, have we got the doorbell
footage of Paul Meca?
Er, yes. Hang on.
Oh! They're talking about us!
RADIO: Shipton Abbott police have
no comment on the theories
that the author was murdered
in the same way as the victims
in his latest thriller.
The new book is flying off the shelves,
with fans saying his death is something
he could have written himself.
Yes, it could!
Oh, that's exactly what it is.
The Final Breath.
Yeah.
But why Paul Meca?
Who is he?
An accomplice, perhaps?
Er
Oh, that's very clever.
Do you know what happened?
HE LAUGHS
I think I do.
So, was it murder?
Not exactly.
- He took his own life?
- Strictly speaking
both.
SHE GASPS
The button, the memo pad,
the footprints in the garden,
the mysterious Paul Meca,
the jacket he just happened
to leave behind,
all very convenient and easy to find.
All ultimately leading nowhere.
Why?
Because they weren't clues at all.
They were simply the the pen strokes
of a master storyteller.
Kenneth Linder's books were no longer
attracting the following
they once did, and
facing financial ruin
he was then, very literally,
dealt a killer blow.
He was dying, but his thoughts
were not for himself,
they were for his daughter, Helen.
Having kept his financial woes from her,
he knew that when he was
gone, she'd be left with nothing.
So, I think, when he was told he
was dying, he concocted a plan.
First, he had to get a publishing deal.
He did so by agreeing to return
to his most successful trilogy,
the Bathtub Murders.
But, more importantly, I think he's
the one who suggested he write it
without an advance, instead taking the
lion's share of profits from book sales.
But why would he do that
if he was broke?
Because he intended to make sure
the book was a runaway success.
And I think he did so
by murdering himself.
Knowing he only had weeks,
perhaps days, left to live,
Kenneth Linder said goodbye to his
daughter, but as he wasn't insured,
he knew he had to find
a way to secure her future
Promise you'll have an early night.
Oh A nightcap first, though, I think.
One. At least!
I love you.
Love you, too.
to fulfil the promise
he made to her mother
all those years ago.
I doubt that any right-minded
person would consider such a thing,
but once he'd made his plan,
his course was set.
The first thing
he did was plant his clues.
First, the footprint, adding
a limp for dramatic effect.
Then the mysterious note.
SCRIBBLES
PAPER RUSTLES
And the button.
And then, with everything in place
he carried out his plan.
ELECTRICITY CRACKLES
A few days before,
he booked into Sandals guest house
in the name of the character he created,
making sure that he left the jacket
with the missing button behind,
and to get caught on the doorbell camera,
allowing us to see the supposed limp
he'd orchestrated in the
flowerbed to confirm his identity.
I also think he sent himself
the death threats.
The account used by Paul Meca
had only been operating a few weeks.
So, he did it all himself?
Yes, Kelby.
I think he did.
As news spread of the fictional
murder that became real life,
he ensured that his new book
became a bestseller.
Remember the words that he spoke
to his dying wife
all those years ago, when she
begged him to look after their daughter?
That he'd look after her until his
final breath?
And that's exactly what he did.
So, what gave him away?
Who's Paul Meca?
Right, OK. Two things
were his undoing.
Footprint casts from the garden show
that the weak leg was on the left, yet
KEY CLACKS
walking away from the guest house,
the limp was clearly on his right leg.
And the other thing?
- The hubris?
- Yeah.
Ah
HE CHUCKLES
It's an anagram.
Paul Meca.
Mea culpa.
Latin?
An admission of guilt, quite literally.
"It was me who did it."
SHE GASPS
Thank you for taking the time to stop by.
We thought you'd want to know.
Though I doubt it's much comfort.
No. None at all, to be honest.
The truth is, I'd swap every penny
of the fortune he worked
so hard to leave me for
one more day with him.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, lots of, you know,
like, filing and stuff
Here we go. Don't think
I forgot anything.
Well done. There you go.
- Well done, Kelby.
- Want some good news?
Yes, always.
Kenneth Linder's publisher,
Anthony Westley,
- just got sacked.
- Why?
For signing a contract
that gives most of the money
from the book sales to the Linder estate.
Yes, the book is bigger than ever.
It's a bestseller.
Losing all that money,
he must have a nasty rash!
ALL CHUCKLE
Well, I think we shouldn't
lose sight of the fact
that a daughter
lost her father, but, er
well done, everyone.
And well done, you.
To our amazing Inspector,
Martha, who saved him
from a watery grave,
our brilliant Kelby,
who cracked his own case
and waded through mud
to bring his prisoner in,
and Margo, who is
the font of all knowledge.
And Esther, the voice of reason,
and the glue that holds us all together.
Oh, and not forgetting
our new councillor.
Oh!
ALL: Cheers!
OK. So, the pictures
I showed you are a bit old
and no-one's lived here
for a while.
- Really?
- Close your eyes.
HE LAUGHS
Oh, God. I can't see anything.
Oh! This way.
And, er, there's a step.
OK, yup.
Do we have a key?
Don't need one. There's no front door.
Oh.
Up! Up! Up, yeah.
Whoa! I'm sorry!
Seriously
Oh, what's that smell?
Best not ask.
All right, Martha.
OK.
- Are you ready?
- I'm not sure.
Open your eyes!
OK. Two questions.
One, are you sure
we're in the right house?
And, two, if we are, what
on earth possessed you?
I'm glad you asked.
Oh, oh!
Ah!
Isn't it amazing?!
Two crimes, two attempts
to undo those crimes
I am not mad!
You think someone trashed the place,
then immediately put everything back?
Mr Smith is still hounding me for a
decision on who I'm going to let go.
Oh, my God. There's Archie
and that woman.
Pausing fostering still feels like
the right thing to do.
Especially now we're back
living with your mum.
Remember, you are enough.
I've definitely had enough,
I know that much.
It came this morning.
Sub extracted from file & improved