Franklin and Bash (2011) s04e01 Episode Script
The Curse of Hor-Aha
Bash: Our client was so scared from the simulation of the earthquake that he fled the ride.
Yes, he's [Sighs.]
45 years old.
Yes, he knew he was getting on a ride that featured a simulated earthquake, ladies and gentlemen, is that we love being scared.
It's a billion-dollar industry.
But when is scary too scary? [Moaning.]
[Spectators gasp, scream.]
Objection.
Your Honor, a little early on the calendar for Fright Night.
Sustained.
Mr.
Franklin, Mr.
Bash, - if this is another one of your - Your Honor, he is not with us, but, uh, tell you what.
I will, uh, take care of him for you.
Please do, 'cause I have a strict "no zombie" policy in my courtroom.
Totally understand.
Excuse me, partner.
You're gonna have to, uh Y you got to get out of here, okay? What could you, uh, let got of the that's actually a [screams.]
Your Honor, it's a walker! Order! [Spectators screaming.]
Order! Woman: Oh, my God! [Moaning.]
Order in my courtroom! [Grunts.]
- [Elevator bell dings.]
- [Franklin laughing.]
- Bash: I told you it would work.
- Oh, Swatello! Our newest partner at Infeld-Daniels.
- Uh, junior partner.
- Peter, Jared.
Court day, I see.
And another F&B victory.
They settled.
Nervous? First-day jitters? Need me to help you relax? Do I need to remind you of paragraph 12 of the employee conduct manual? There's an employee conduct manual? No sex between partners.
[Scoffs.]
[Chuckles.]
Have you met Dan Mundy, our new investigator? Dan worked for a government subcontractor in Virginia.
Clearly a seller's market.
It was and is classified information - Zombies don't talk.
- Okay.
And, no, I'm not nervous.
I'm just I'm I'm excited, actually.
[Clears throat.]
- Where's Stanton? - Uh, he should be around here.
Yeah, it's Wednesday.
He's probably with his sensei.
He'll be out soon.
Oh, by the way, nice work today.
Go clean up.
- So, that was the last time I saw him - Oh, there he is.
or his two sisters.
[Chuckles.]
Ellen.
Oh.
Well, welcome to the firm.
We're thrilled that you could join us.
Oh, thank you, sir.
I'm happy to help out any way I can.
And may I just say that coming here to work for you factored heavily into my decision.
Oh, well, I'm glad that you said that.
Thank you.
Uh, boys, there's been a new development in the Rachel King investigation.
Apparently, she had assistance embezzling client funds.
- An accomplice I knew it.
- Who was it? Me.
- What? - No way.
So, as a result, I may be indisposed, just for a little while, so while I'm away, uh, you two will be in charge.
Oh, and, Ellen, uh, you'll answer to them.
Wh I I what? [Rock music plays.]
Ooh, what a mixture such a vivid picture ooh, what a mixture if I must say so myself _ - Oh! Mail's here.
- Sorry.
Jessie, Dr.
Beckmann's patients are clogging up the lobby.
Can we move some of them to the library? - Today? - Yes? - Yeah.
- Okay, great.
- We're a law firm first, Jess.
- Ha! Campbell just quit.
So that makes 11 senior partners who have bailed with their clients since Rachel King fled to Croatia, not to mention Infeld's been disbarred and you've taken on a plastic surgeon as a subtenant.
- Problem solvers.
- You're welcome.
At least we still have you.
Yeah.
Only because I burned almost all my bridges at the D.
A.
's office.
And now the last job on my résumé will have your names on it.
So, yes my options are limited.
She seems happy here.
[Chuckles.]
- [Elevator bell dings.]
- True.
Oh, what do you think? Rhinoplasty? I'd go with the ears.
- Pin the ears? - That is a cab with the doors open.
Hey, you here for Dr.
Beckmann? No.
I'm looking for Franklin and Bash.
Mason Trawley, our 10:00, - the archeologist.
- Yes.
- Hey.
How you doing? - Jared Franklin.
Come on in.
Bring that chiseled jaw over here.
Archeology sounds like an exciting career.
Oh, it has its moments.
Franklin: So, are you with a university like a certain Henry Walton Jones Jr.
, also known as Indiana? [Chuckles.]
Right.
I've spent some time in the field, but my goal is to teach.
So, you're not an archeologist adventurer? Well, I've come up against some pretty hostile locals.
Like cannibals? [Chuckles.]
No.
But are you familiar with the Silver Eye of Raja Rao Ram? Generally.
We were well into our excavation when a civil war broke out.
We barely made it out with our lives.
Sadly, the rebels stole the Silver Eye.
What can we do for you, Mason? You want us to help you win back the Silver Eye? No.
[Chuckles.]
I have a storage unit.
I've been locked out because of delinquent payments.
Oh.
Yeah, I I keep artifacts in there one artifact in particular.
I was stuck in India on business.
I'm only three days late.
Can't you just pay back-rent and be done with it? I thought so, but the manager told me he's taking a lien out on my property.
Oh, yeah.
Yep.
They can do that under the Self-Service Storage Facilities act.
"Storage Wars.
" What is the, uh, the artifact? Well, suffice to say it's worth a great deal to some, and if it were to fall into the hands of the wrong people, it could be dangerous.
Dangerous? Why? What is it? I'm sorry.
I can't tell you for your own sake.
[Chuckles.]
And mankind's.
Mankind's? Well, [Sighs.]
I may be overstating a little, but I I have a court date tomorrow.
Will you represent me? You had us at "Raja Ro Ram.
" It's it's "Rao Rahm.
" "Rao Rahm.
" Uh, another partner quit today.
Oh, damn it.
You've got to stop the bleeding.
- We're trying.
- But what about that other attorney uh, Anita Haskins? She's from Hartman-Frank.
You know, Clarence Thomas he's been hounding me about her for a year.
We don't need another lawyer from the outside.
We need you.
We need you back.
I appreciate that, boys, but you know I am suspended.
But your name was cleared of any criminal wrongdoing.
Listen to me.
I'm the one that hired Rachel King.
I made a plea deal with the state bar to limit the damage.
They got their scalp, and we got to keep our doors open.
We asked to pull up the disciplinary hearing based on new evidence.
W what new evidence? We haven't found it yet.
Stanton, - Mr.
Sperling is here for his Healey.
- Oh.
Uh, right, sir.
I'll bring it 'round the front.
You sure this gig is about the zen maintenance of it all? 'Cause if you need the money Yeah.
[Chuckles.]
You don't have any money.
Can't pretend that the events of the last year haven't impacted me fiscally, but, you know, there's something really wonderful about working with your hands.
- Before the sun sets, Stanton.
- Okay.
Sorry! - Don't be sorry.
Get it done.
- Listen, I got to go.
He's [Scoffs.]
Please do me a favor let sleeping dogs lie.
There's something he's not telling us.
Hey, we got to get back to the office.
We got to meet with our archeologist, go over those lease agreements.
Oh, I changed the meeting to his office.
That's a solid idea.
Maybe he could show us the plunder that he robbed from ancient tombs.
Yeah, maybe he'll give us a shrunken head.
[Chuckles.]
You already have a shrunken head.
I like shrunken heads.
It makes me feel like a giant.
Shut up.
Bash: Wow.
This place is sorely lacking in adventure.
This has to be a mistake.
Uh, I'm starting to think the only mistake was taking this case.
And if you act now, I can throw in a flexible pocket hose at no additional cost.
O okay.
Thanks anyways.
Hey, guys.
Sorry.
I only have a couple minutes before my supervisor makes his rounds.
Sorry.
What are you doing here? I'm working.
But you're an archeologist.
The trip to India? I said it was a business trip.
We opened up a call center in Mumbai.
Oh.
I was going for my doctorate when my loans ran out.
I still have to work to pay them off.
- What are you selling? - Wicker.
- Indoor or outdoor? - Really? I'm just asking for the deck outside.
Guys, you have to help me keep those artifacts in my unit.
It'll give me validation among the academic community, which will allow me to finish my dream, which is to teach.
Teaching isn't exactly fortune and glory, kid.
[Imitates whip cracking.]
"Temple of Doom"? I'll be honest I didn't like those movies, except for "Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.
" I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that.
- All right.
- As as your lawyers, we need to know everything, okay? What exactly is in your storage unit? [Sighs.]
[Quietly.]
You're familiar with Hor-Aha? Porn star.
That's "Moira Ha.
" - Yeah.
Yeah.
- [Both chuckle.]
It's a pharaoh of the first dynasty.
The discovered his tomb in 1917, but they never found his death mask.
A lot of archeologists were looking for it.
I found it buried in a floodplain a mile below the tomb three months ago.
Hor-Aha's mask? Not Ho Hor-Aha? Hor-Aha.
No, no, no, no.
Please, please, please.
Just so you know, there's a well-documented legend that I happen to believe in that states if you invoke Hor if you invoke his name to the keeper of the death mask the pharaoh will return with his armies of the dead.
See, that would be a good plot for "Crystal Skull" - instead of the alien thing you so want to call love.
- Okay.
[Sighs.]
It's a death mask, dude.
- With a curse.
- Since when do you believe in curses? Uh, since Rachel bled the firm and Infeld and Karp left us on a sinking ship.
- So, we're good? - Yeah.
- Let's win this.
- We're good.
Great.
Bet you like that greedo fired first in the re-issues, right? - Who am I speaking with? - Just walk.
I'd love to talk to you about some wicker.
[Guitar playing.]
[Humming.]
Hi, Dan.
Hello.
- We have a job that's in your sweet spot.
- Mm.
I need you to do a complete scrub of the firm's computers, but focus on Infeld.
Anyone he met with or talked to within the weeks leading up to his arrest e-mails, malware you know what to do.
Got it.
You think Infeld was in cahoots with Rachel King.
- No.
- No.
But no one can know you're doing this, okay? That's why you hired me.
No.
- No.
- Actually, we hired you because our last investigator quit in disgrace.
I thought Carmen just wanted to live on her own.
Everyone takes her side.
She left us, Dan, okay? Shall I leave it there or do you want me to send her a message? - What?! No.
- What? No.
Just focus, dude.
Focus on the Dude did you get a Botox injection? Beckmann's offering 20% off to all F&B staff.
You could use it.
Burners.
Take one.
Give the other to Jared.
- Why? - Why not? Ellen, might I present the Bone? The Bone Ellen.
Hello.
Bone.
Actually, the Bone.
Or Bone.
Tell her about your case.
Well, I run O.
G.
Medical.
It's a pot shop in Westwood.
Statue of Liberty smoking weed out front, - playing the guitar? - No, I'm sorry.
I just have not seen that.
Well, we've been helping people in the community for seven years all natural, organic suppliers.
We check to make sure everyone's prescription is up-to-date.
How's the bursitis, by the way? Ah, some days are better than others, but good.
So, what's my reward for this? The immoral majority is trying to shut me down.
Well, if you're licensed, the city can't do No, no.
Not the city.
The Lisks they're a couple.
They live a block off the boulevard.
They want to open a daycare center out of their house.
Which would put the Bone within a thousand feet of the school.
They say they can shut me down.
And with the anti-pot-shop climate right now, the city's looking for any reason to shut him down, even if the dispensary was there first.
- I'm like a martyr.
- Hmm? Like Gandhi but of weed.
Could you just give us a moment, the Bone? - Sure.
- Just go wait in the lobby.
All right.
I'll be at the, uh, water cooler.
There you go.
- [Clears throat.]
- That's the Bone.
Uh, let me see if I can get this straight.
You're asking me to represent a pot dealer Medical marijuana dispensary.
against people who want to open a daycare center? Actually, I'm not asking you.
I'm telling you.
W [scoffs.]
Well, that's kind of hot just ordering me around like that.
Really? Well, - I didn't mean to get forceful, but, uh - [Chuckles.]
- I could order you to do some other - No.
No.
No.
Exactly.
Good.
I was testing you the no-sex policy at work and you passed, so well done, fellow employee.
Uh Okay.
Sure you were.
[Pats back.]
I hate you.
Of course you do.
Right.
- A cow? - Yeah! Okay.
That's Gleason, the owner of the storage unit.
- Oh.
Hey, dude, that's - We know that guy.
Oh! Hello.
- Good morning, gentlemen.
- Karp.
It's been a while.
Fancy firm life it agrees with you.
You look prosperous.
- He means fat.
- I mean you look fat.
You know, seeing you guys and jut the benter, and the way you finish each other's sentences.
I so do not miss that.
- We don't finish each other's - Sentences.
- That's just - Stupid.
I thought Fugate and Towne was handling this case.
Well, Space 4 Rent Storage has decided to go with new counsel, and as you know, I am now a senior partner - I heard that.
- At a solvent law firm, so I get to choose the cases that I want to be on, and I pick any case that allows me to go up against Infeld-Daniels, et al.
- [Mockingly.]
Et al.
- It's Latin.
Let's get started.
- Yes, Your Honor.
- [Clears throat.]
It's your motion, Mr.
Karp.
What's your pleasure? Karp: Uh, immediate possession of the storage unit under article 26 of the agreement.
Your Honor, we're asking for a one-week continuance.
I expect my lawyers to be ready, and I'm not interested in excuses.
Your Honor, under civil code section 4517, the party is entitled to a continuance - if any unanticipated occurrences - Karp: That is ridiculous.
How does a new lawyer constitute unanticipated Everything about you is unanticipated.
- What does that mean? - All right.
Enough.
I'll give you one day, gentlemen.
We'll reconvene tomorrow.
We're in recess.
Franklin: Thank you, Your Honor.
- 4517? - Yeah.
I stopped reading after section 14.
- It got predictable.
- Well, it bought us a day.
We still need to come up with a plan.
The owner he was wearing a bracelet.
Uh, Karp! Uh, hold that thought, Mason.
We'll meet you outside.
Okay.
Has he gotten bigger? Uh, yeah, I think so.
But you know what's weird? - Huh? - That if he'd just fought a little bit harder for the firm and the people, - his name would be above the door instead of ours.
- This one? I'm twice the lawyer you guys will ever be.
You keep packing on the pounds, and you will be.
Look at that guy.
I have the body mass index of a teenager.
Surrounded by a family of bears.
[Chuckles.]
We're still fighting to get Stanton reinstated.
- In case you were wondering.
- I wasn't.
Yeah.
First sign of trouble, he turns his back on his uncle, - the firm - Turn my back on him? I gave everything I had to Stanton for over two decades.
I practically lived there.
You guys waltz in three years ago and, with the exception of a karaoke machine, gave absolutely nothing to the firm.
How soon they forget about Thai massage Tuesday.
Get me your updated witness list, or I'll be asking the judge for sanctions.
Do you mean you'll be asking seconds? [Chuckles.]
- I miss him.
- I know, right? - Where is he? - I don't know.
Where's Mason? - You see him? - Mason! Whole thing's a conspiracy.
Got to be a little more specific.
Gleason, the manager of Space 4 Rent Storage, was wearing a Zungi fertility bracelet.
Oh.
Z uh It's a small tribe in New Guinea.
Small as in few in number or small in stature? Well, both.
They're pygmies.
- Aww.
- You would.
Only one anthropological archeologist has lived among the Zungi in the past decade Marcel Ziff.
I studied with Ziff at UCLA.
- We partnered on expeditions.
- Why they won't settle.
Brought in the big firm.
So, you think Ziff is bribing Gleason to get into your locker.
Ziff is up for tenure, which this artifact would guarantee him.
Now Gleason's wearing a rare Zungi bracelet, which I think is more than coincidental.
All right.
Okay.
We should talk to Ziff.
We'll talk to Ziff.
Oh! We've, uh, never had children of our own, and we've always wanted to help.
It's been our dream to have a school for underprivileged kids.
Can you believe this? [Chuckles.]
And we we certainly do not want to stop you.
I just wonder if, in light of the fact that my client has been lawfully running a business, that we might consider other options.
Lina: What kind of options? Maybe you wait a year to open your school to give the Bone time to relocate, or maybe we help you find a better location.
Mm, we'd like to run it out of our home.
You know, I mean, I'd like a date with Michelle Pfeiffer circa "Ladyhawke.
" W c can you control your client, please? Or what? You you want to take away my civil liberties? What more can you do? Or what? I'll tell you what.
Your little pot shop is still there by the time we open, I'll have you popped on a 11357.
With good time/work time, you'll be out by Christmas of 2017.
You can stop me, you can take away our weed, but you can't take away our um - Freedom.
- That's what it was.
[Scottish accent.]
You can't take away our freedom! [Sighs.]
Bash: Okay, if anyone asks, I'm the professor.
Why do you get to be the professor? [Sighs.]
We can't both be professors.
It's a department fundraiser.
Who says professors don't travel in twos? Besides, no offense, no one's gonna buy you as an academic.
P.
E.
teacher, maybe.
Be a donor.
Everyone loves a donor.
- I don't want to be a don - Hi.
- Hello.
- Hello.
- Can I get your names? - Certainly.
I'm Professor Horatio Burton.
Antiquities.
This is Thornton Melon.
Franklin: Former professor.
- Not a professor.
- Thinking about getting back into it.
He's not even thinking about it 'cause he's a donor.
- Debating about getting back into it.
- He's a donor.
You guys aren't on the list.
Ah.
Um Maybe we can try Franklin and Bash.
[Both chuckle.]
Hey, you've heard of us.
You spoke at Career Day at my sorority.
I still have the beer cozy.
What was the catchphrase again? - We've got your back.
- We've got your back.
[Chuckles.]
So, is there any chance we can just slip on in there and talk to Professor Ziff? He's kind of expecting us.
I don't know.
Do you guys handle traffic tickets? Yes, we do.
Like nobody else.
[Laughter.]
Afternoon.
- Hey.
- Tiresome affair, don't you think? Ah, a necessary evil.
Ah, yes.
Speaking of evil, you're Professor Ziff.
Uh-oh.
Former students? No, but you are trying to steal from one.
Steal? Steal what? The death mask of Hor-Aha from your field partner Mason Trawley.
- Mason Trawley? - That's right.
We were never partners.
Mason was a grad student in Industrial Heritage, a rather remarkable course that I taught.
What about the death mask? Sadly, a myth.
I suppose the Zungi bracelet you gave the owner of the storage facility that's a myth, too? I I don't understand.
Oh, you don't understand? He just said that.
You probably should've told him not to wear it in court, though, yesterday, huh? Okay, wait.
Is this something that Mason claims to have seen? - That's right.
- Did you see it? Okay.
Yeah.
You see, that's what I thought.
I carefully picked students to go with me on a dig in Peru.
When Mason wasn't invited, he lashed out quite demonstrably, actually.
He didn't lack passion as a student, but he was he was unstable.
The fact is, he was asked to leave the department.
Now, that is on record.
I feel for Mason, but he clearly needs some help.
Now, if you'll excuse me [Chuckling.]
That's great.
Great! We got a crazy client, and I bet there isn't a death mask in that storage unit.
What do you think about that? What do we do now? You tell me, Horatio.
You got the PhD.
Your Indiana Jones is a Walter Mitty.
Mine? So, you believe Ziff? You think Mason is delusional? If you believe there's a priceless cursed death mask in a storage unit, maybe you're the one who's nuts.
But if it's the crazy card we've been dealt, I say let's roll the dice.
Do you really not know you just mixed metaphors? I believe in mixing metaphors.
Keeps them fresh.
Incoming.
- Where? - 12:00.
What? Behind you? I did a heat-signature regression analysis using data from sentinel drones on everyone who came and went - during the two weeks before IDk accounts - Dude - found small-amount transfers from the - Dude - Dan! - Yeah? We're on an elevator.
With other people? Rachel planted a virus on Infeld's computer.
She probably did it by sending malware disguised as an attachment - You getting this? - Maybe working with someone - within the firm.
- [Elevator bell dings.]
Thank you.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
That was good.
- Excuse me.
- Excuse me.
Where you going? Franklin: Oh, here comes our little ray of sunshine right now.
Ellen.
We were just talking about you and how you don't knock.
Don't care.
I may have something on the Bone's case Who I wish would stop calling me "Felon Pot-ello.
" [Laughs.]
The Bone! You can make a weed reference out of any name.
Check this out.
Actor who plays the bongos naked, just won the Oscar.
Matthew Mc-Chronic-y.
Mm-hmm.
The guy who used to be married to Demi Moore.
Hashton Kusher.
Double points two names.
- Well played.
- What do you got? It's something Jeff said.
The Bone pissed him off no big surprise there but then Jeff started spouting penal code violations.
"Good time/work time" that's prison slang.
You think he's got a record? I don't know.
I have a call in to a friend at the D.
A.
's office.
This D.
A.
friend do I know her? - So lame.
- And so none of your business.
Why don't you just have Dan do surveillance on the house, see if they're hiding anything? - Dan: Already on it.
- Whoa! Whoa, Dan.
Come on, man.
What, are you just sitting there, listening to us? Uh I'm not sitting.
And I'm not staying.
Hey, Jared, Swatello's friend it's a guy.
[Chuckling.]
He used to play water polo in college.
Franklin: Thank you, Dan.
I can play water polo.
Under the agreement, I see no reason not to turn the locker and its contents over to Space 4 Rent Storage.
- Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
We agree.
- You do.
The contract supports Mr.
Karp's position, Your Honor Which is why we'd like to throw it out.
Shred it.
Rip it up.
- Your Honor - Nuke it! I understand the concept of destroying things and why you want to do so in this case.
Any reason why I should? The contract is meaningless because Mason Trawley lacked the mental capacity - to enter into it in the first place.
- What? You're saying I'm crazy? Your Honor, if he lacked capacity, then the contract is void.
Space 4 Rent gets reasonable rent, Mr.
Trawley gets his property.
Quantum meruit.
- Boom! Latin.
- It's Latin.
The only people lacking mental capacity in this courtroom are them and anyone who would consider this ridiculous argument.
[Chuckles.]
Whoa.
Whoa, the judge is considering.
Your Honor, he just called you crazy.
- No.
I most certainly did not.
- That is really insulting.
- Judge Douglas: I'll allow the argument.
- Your Honor Quit while you're behind, Mr.
Karp.
Why didn't you guys warn me you were gonna humiliate me in there? Mason, we're trying to win.
We have to make you look crazy.
I'm not crazy! Do you think I am? Well, you do believe in curses.
You know, my whole life, people have been telling me I couldn't be an archeologist, that chasing mummies around was for kids.
I thought you guys believed in me.
- No, we're just - Doing your job.
You're good at it.
You know what you guys are? You're dream destroyers.
[Sighs.]
He was looking right at you when he said that.
Now you've done it.
- You always do this.
- He was talking about you.
No-o-o.
[Indistinct arguing.]
- You are a blight on society.
- How could you want to expose children to an environment like that? Hey! Shut up.
Hey, Felon.
I'm trying to talk sense here.
Give it a rest.
So, we figured out where you picked up your pot lingo, Jeff.
Conjugal visits with your wife.
We're done here.
What are you talking about? June's conviction for selling marijuana to an undercover officer? June got the conviction expunged, but we found it.
And your electric bill is seven times higher than anyone else in the neighborhood.
Well, June spends a lot of time on her beauty regimen.
You got to object.
Look at her.
Stop talking while I'm winning.
I checked satellite imagery of your property.
There it was a blacked-out greenhouse.
Lina: Wait a second.
Your plan was to withdraw your papers as soon as you got - the competition out of the neighborhood.
- [Chuckles.]
It'll never make it into court.
I don't need to get it into court.
I just need to get it in front of the school licensing board.
And now we're done.
- Okay, but y - [Sighs.]
Pot-ello! D don't.
Just Stop.
[Sighs.]
Judge Douglas: We've heard from Mr.
Karp's experts that Mr.
Trawley was of sound mind at the time of the agreement with Space 4 Rent Storage.
I assume you have experts of your own? Your Honor, can't you just pay an expert to say anything you want? Like Mr.
Karp who, let's not forget, called you crazy.
Bash: And it's not like we can't afford an expert, - 'cause we totally can.
- We we just prefer to use someone who knows Mason more intimately than just a one-hour, court-ordered evaluation.
- Does this witness have a name? - Yes, Your Honor.
Professor Marcel Ziff.
Do you remember meeting us yesterday at the faculty event? Yes.
And as I recall, you were asked to leave.
Do you remember telling us that you thought Mason was insane? I never said that.
And didn't you what? Excuse me? Mason and I have known each other, on and off, for 10 years.
We've butted heads, but he's one of the most level-headed, sane people I've ever met.
Come on.
- You're lying.
- Objection.
Judge Douglas: Sustained.
Watch it, Mr.
Bash.
What I said is that as archeologists, sometimes, we're following a map.
Other times, local legend.
But when you're staking your career on myth, maybe you have to be a little crazy.
And if that's the case, well, color me crazy, too.
No further questions.
[Rock music playing.]
Why would Ziff change his statement? Maybe to spare Mason's feelings.
Or Ziff is behind this.
Is the death mask in there? Does it even exist? We told the jury that Mason was crazy, and we didn't deliver.
Today, he seemed totally lucid.
I know, but we can't be the ones that make him act crazy.
The jury will think it's all rehearsed.
Then we make someone else do it.
That witness list Karp's been asking us for let's give it to him.
Mason, you okay? What do you care, dream killers? I hate when he calls us that.
Is the plaintiff ready to call their next witness? - Yes, Your Honor.
- Objection.
Uh, we received Bash and Franklin's witness list late last night, and there's a name here that we've never seen before Dr.
Vincent Hor-Aha.
Dr.
Who? Dr.
Hor-Aha.
- Do you know a Hor-Aha? - Hor-Aha.
Hor-Aha? - It sounds familiar.
- What are you doing? The curse.
Hor-Aha? - Hor-Aha? - Stop! That's seven! Judge Douglas: Is there a problem, gentlemen? - Karp: Stop making them say that.
- Say what? - Hor-Aha.
- No! Enough! If you say Hor-Aha one more time, - I'm citing you both for contempt.
- Your Honor, freedom of speech.
We we can say Hor-Aha if we - You're in contempt - What are you doing? both of you.
Bailiffs, get them out of here.
And if either of you say Hor-Aha one more time, I'm ruling for the defense right now.
- Uh, dude.
That's 11.
We're one short.
- What did you say? Your Honor, if you're gonna hold us in contempt, under rule of court 17, - we're entitled to - Yeah, we're entitled to have your order read back.
Marcy, read back my order.
Oh, man.
"If either of you say Hor-Aha one more time " No! Why?! Why would you provoke his army of the dead?! This is on your heads! All of you! - You, quiet! - No! Hurry! We're gonna need more bailiffs by the door! [Gavel bangs.]
Quiet! Why would you do that?! Why would you do that?! Everybody get down.
Duck and cover! [Chuckles nervously.]
I I'm sorry.
Uh, that was uh, my bad.
That's there was supposed to be an army of the dead.
Oh, boy.
[Both chuckle.]
There should've been an army of the dead just ripping through there, just killing all of us, but It's it's a well-documented curse, actually.
Your Honor, as far as this goes the contempt probably don't need it's not necessary, but if it - Okay.
That's fine.
- I mean, really? - We'll go.
- But we just won the case.
Seems like an overreaction.
Mason said we could stop by the storage unit at 3:00 if we want to see the death mask.
Oh, that's great.
But we have to be back here by 5:30.
Remember we have that interview with Infeld's lawyer candidate.
- Right.
- I vetted his candidate.
- Whoa! - Anita Haskins Spotless records.
Easy on the eyes, too.
Did we ask you to vet her? Not that I recall.
Hey, with Carmen and Pindar gone, you must have a spare room for rent at the beach house.
Uh, you know, actually, the thing is Carmen's bedroom's been converted into a gym.
- Right.
- And, uh, Pindar he's out of town.
He's helping some friend who was mugged in Belgium.
Yeah, he had a friend.
She got her wallet stolen, needed 200 bucks to get back here, and Pindar decided to go there in person and help.
Wow.
Pindar sounds like a good guy.
- Mm-hmm.
- Yep.
Anything else? This is video of Karp [exhales, grunts.]
doing a depo on the evening of July 12th.
And another one the next morning, the same evening Infeld activated his malware to siphon funds from the client retainer accounts.
With as much detail as you can provide Check out the decanter of scotch behind Karp.
It's full.
Look at another depo the next morning at 10:40 A.
M.
Now, do you recall, in detail, the conversation Check out the decanter now.
Nearly empty.
Karp's wearing the same suit, so he never went home.
But Rachel King did.
Security checks have her leaving at 1:12 A.
M.
that morning.
She's a barracuda.
So maybe Rachel got Karp blackout drunk and then used his computer to send that virus to Infeld.
And an investigation would trace back to him.
Or Karp's in it with Rachel.
But either way, though, Infeld took the bullet to protect Karp.
Nice job.
Don't you have somewhere to be? [Snoring.]
Are you serious? Is he sleeping? - Dude.
- Don't touch him.
Dude.
[Loudly.]
Dan.
[Snores.]
Yeah.
[Stammers.]
It's I need Your hypothesis is only half correct.
- Which half? - Damien is innocent.
I mean, he may be stupid, but he's not the first man to be led astray by his John Thomas.
When I left work that evening, Damien and Rachel were in his office together.
Stanton, you can clear your name.
You know, if Karp hadn't hooked up with a senior partner which is incredibly unprofessional, by the way none of this would've happened.
I'm just saying.
I've had a long and successful career.
I don't think Damien could survive another embarrassment.
I had to get in front of it.
What if we can come up with a deal that'll get you back to the firm without incriminating Karp? Well, I would be very open to hearing about that.
So will we.
In the meantime, thank you for the oil change.
- Oh.
- What do we owe you? Uh, you pay at the front.
Oh, listen, uh, if you have the time, would you fill out the customer-satisfaction survey? I'd be very appreciative.
- Looks like you already did.
- Ah, "five star service, and I was very impressed that my mechanic spoke fluent Mandarin.
" Oh! You're more than kind.
Thank you.
Mason: I was obsessed with the death mask for so long, I think I just came to believe it had malevolent power.
Franklin: Well, how about believing in yourself? I'm starting to.
I, uh I have a proposition for you.
I can write a check for services rendered, or I can split the value of the death mask that's behind this door with you.
Really? - That's generous, but, um - Oh.
Still skeptical.
You know, I thought at least you'd believe me.
Well, [Clears throat.]
can you give us one second? [Quietly.]
You know I was thinking, why would Ziff care so much what was in the locker if he didn't think that it was worth something? [Quietly.]
You believe him? Just yesterday, we were in court trying to prove he's crazy, and now you want to gamble the rent on him? When did you become a chicken? I'm not chicken.
I just don't think we're in a position to turn down real money.
- We have payroll to meet.
- I guess.
Mason [Sighs.]
we believe you've got an artifact of great value in there, but we also think you deserve every penny of what it's worth.
Very well.
[Door clanks.]
[Screams.]
[Gasping, sputtering.]
[Laughing.]
- He was scared the whole time.
- I wasn't scared.
He was scared.
[Chuckles.]
This is a certificate of authentication from the University of Madrid.
And the Boston Museum of Natural History just purchased an artifact like this for $3 million.
Here.
Hold it.
[Sighs.]
- Nice going.
- What did you say? If you had believed in Mason from the outset, like I did Me?! I wanted to go with the mask a minute ago.
[Laughs.]
Is there a certificate of authentication - to go along with that fiction? - Son of a bitch.
We should just kill him and take it.
He's standing right there.
He probably you probably heard him, right? Why don't you just say it to his face? I want to kill you and take that.
Okay.
Uh - We'll bill you, okay? - [Mutters.]
- Stop it.
Just go.
- Mason: Thanks, guys.
- We could just kill him.
- We're not gonna kill anybody.
[Laughter.]
The Bone: It was a monkey.
[Laughter continues.]
Jeff: Hey! Hi, sweetie! - Oh! - Miss Pot-ello, join us.
What the hell is going on?! You wanted us to reach a resolution.
Yes, before I won you the case.
Well, we were riding in the elevator, and we realized we had more in common, that if we work together We are going legit, like the Bone.
The Bone.
Looks like we solved the case through weed-iation.
[Both snicker.]
That's great.
Can everyone get out? Now? You're pretty.
Fabulous.
Get up.
Let's go.
Come on.
Walk faster.
Oh, really? You've got to be kidding me.
You're pathetic.
[Sighs.]
[Coughs.]
[Bash imitating Darth Vader breathing.]
[As Emperor Palpatine.]
Strike me down with all your hatred.
Oh, of course.
[Both laughing.]
Great job, Ellen! Thank you.
I'll stop by your office later, and we can, uh debrief? Sounds great.
Wink, wink.
And in the meantime, your new recruit is waiting for you in your office.
- Anita Haskins? - Oh, dude! Oh.
We forgot.
- You forgot.
- Mm.
How do I look? - You look good.
- Thank you.
How do I smell? [Sniffs.]
- You smell like pot.
- [Both chuckling.]
All right.
Maintain.
- You maintain.
- You maintain.
I have too many buttons.
- Ready? - I think I'm shrinking.
[Both giggling.]
You are shrinking! Why are your pockets down there?! Going down.
[Both snickering.]
So, Princeton undergrad, Stanford law, mm, three years at Hartman-Frank.
[Quietly.]
It's called Hartman-Frank.
I said Hartman-Frank.
- Maintain.
- You maintain.
All right.
Uh [Clears throat.]
So, where did you two go to law school? Uh [chuckles.]
Grant.
That was your high school.
Anita, this isn't about me.
It's not about him.
This is about Can you tell us about your time at Hartman-Frank? Uh, well, I started out in emerging technologies, but I mostly floated between antitrust and international arbitration.
That's a lot of words.
[Chuckles.]
All right.
Uh [Clears throat.]
here's the deal, gentlemen.
I have offers from six other firms, all of whom didn't send stoned senior partners - to interview me.
- Whoa! - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! - Wait, wait, wait, wait.
- Wait, wait, wait.
- We're not seniors.
Listen Reputable, prestigious firms with solid financial standing, all of whom will pay me 20% more than you.
I'm not in it for the money.
- Good.
- I'm in it to get in the game.
The game? - Trial.
- I don't know.
All those other firms are gonna make me pay my dues, hunt for precedence like a truffle pig, for what - to sit third chair in five years if I'm lucky? - [Laughs.]
- He's laughing at truffle pig.
- [Laughing.]
Truffle pig! I want to get in the courtroom now.
- So, let's cut the bullshit.
- Whoa.
Can you promise to get me in the game? Can you be here in the morning? Let's start right now.
I brought a salad.
Welcome.
Thank you.
Oh.
Welcome back.
- Okay.
Oh! - [Chuckles.]
You are tall.
- Bash: Mmm.
- Franklin: Mm-hmm.
Root beer and waffles, where have you been all of my life?! - If you were buried in a tomb - [sighs.]
What curse would you unleash on those who attempted to disturb you? Well, dude, that is an invalid question, because, thanks to you, I will be broke and buried in a pauper's grave.
You got to let go of losing that $2.
5 million.
It's been like 107 minutes.
Oh! We'd like to order.
- Mm, that's a good idea.
- Again? Oh.
- Who had the cheeseburger? - Not me.
Not me.
What? - The answer.
- To what? My question.
What was your question? Where's my cheeseburger? I don't know.
It's been like an hour.
The service is not as good as the food! Well, you better get used to it, 'cause it's all we can afford.
- That's cold, man.
- I'm just getting started.
Locusts, raisins, and napalm that is the curse I'm gonna rain down on you.
Can I get another root beer please? If I have a dog, I'm gonna name him Richard, and feed him waffles.
Yes, he's [Sighs.]
45 years old.
Yes, he knew he was getting on a ride that featured a simulated earthquake, ladies and gentlemen, is that we love being scared.
It's a billion-dollar industry.
But when is scary too scary? [Moaning.]
[Spectators gasp, scream.]
Objection.
Your Honor, a little early on the calendar for Fright Night.
Sustained.
Mr.
Franklin, Mr.
Bash, - if this is another one of your - Your Honor, he is not with us, but, uh, tell you what.
I will, uh, take care of him for you.
Please do, 'cause I have a strict "no zombie" policy in my courtroom.
Totally understand.
Excuse me, partner.
You're gonna have to, uh Y you got to get out of here, okay? What could you, uh, let got of the that's actually a [screams.]
Your Honor, it's a walker! Order! [Spectators screaming.]
Order! Woman: Oh, my God! [Moaning.]
Order in my courtroom! [Grunts.]
- [Elevator bell dings.]
- [Franklin laughing.]
- Bash: I told you it would work.
- Oh, Swatello! Our newest partner at Infeld-Daniels.
- Uh, junior partner.
- Peter, Jared.
Court day, I see.
And another F&B victory.
They settled.
Nervous? First-day jitters? Need me to help you relax? Do I need to remind you of paragraph 12 of the employee conduct manual? There's an employee conduct manual? No sex between partners.
[Scoffs.]
[Chuckles.]
Have you met Dan Mundy, our new investigator? Dan worked for a government subcontractor in Virginia.
Clearly a seller's market.
It was and is classified information - Zombies don't talk.
- Okay.
And, no, I'm not nervous.
I'm just I'm I'm excited, actually.
[Clears throat.]
- Where's Stanton? - Uh, he should be around here.
Yeah, it's Wednesday.
He's probably with his sensei.
He'll be out soon.
Oh, by the way, nice work today.
Go clean up.
- So, that was the last time I saw him - Oh, there he is.
or his two sisters.
[Chuckles.]
Ellen.
Oh.
Well, welcome to the firm.
We're thrilled that you could join us.
Oh, thank you, sir.
I'm happy to help out any way I can.
And may I just say that coming here to work for you factored heavily into my decision.
Oh, well, I'm glad that you said that.
Thank you.
Uh, boys, there's been a new development in the Rachel King investigation.
Apparently, she had assistance embezzling client funds.
- An accomplice I knew it.
- Who was it? Me.
- What? - No way.
So, as a result, I may be indisposed, just for a little while, so while I'm away, uh, you two will be in charge.
Oh, and, Ellen, uh, you'll answer to them.
Wh I I what? [Rock music plays.]
Ooh, what a mixture such a vivid picture ooh, what a mixture if I must say so myself _ - Oh! Mail's here.
- Sorry.
Jessie, Dr.
Beckmann's patients are clogging up the lobby.
Can we move some of them to the library? - Today? - Yes? - Yeah.
- Okay, great.
- We're a law firm first, Jess.
- Ha! Campbell just quit.
So that makes 11 senior partners who have bailed with their clients since Rachel King fled to Croatia, not to mention Infeld's been disbarred and you've taken on a plastic surgeon as a subtenant.
- Problem solvers.
- You're welcome.
At least we still have you.
Yeah.
Only because I burned almost all my bridges at the D.
A.
's office.
And now the last job on my résumé will have your names on it.
So, yes my options are limited.
She seems happy here.
[Chuckles.]
- [Elevator bell dings.]
- True.
Oh, what do you think? Rhinoplasty? I'd go with the ears.
- Pin the ears? - That is a cab with the doors open.
Hey, you here for Dr.
Beckmann? No.
I'm looking for Franklin and Bash.
Mason Trawley, our 10:00, - the archeologist.
- Yes.
- Hey.
How you doing? - Jared Franklin.
Come on in.
Bring that chiseled jaw over here.
Archeology sounds like an exciting career.
Oh, it has its moments.
Franklin: So, are you with a university like a certain Henry Walton Jones Jr.
, also known as Indiana? [Chuckles.]
Right.
I've spent some time in the field, but my goal is to teach.
So, you're not an archeologist adventurer? Well, I've come up against some pretty hostile locals.
Like cannibals? [Chuckles.]
No.
But are you familiar with the Silver Eye of Raja Rao Ram? Generally.
We were well into our excavation when a civil war broke out.
We barely made it out with our lives.
Sadly, the rebels stole the Silver Eye.
What can we do for you, Mason? You want us to help you win back the Silver Eye? No.
[Chuckles.]
I have a storage unit.
I've been locked out because of delinquent payments.
Oh.
Yeah, I I keep artifacts in there one artifact in particular.
I was stuck in India on business.
I'm only three days late.
Can't you just pay back-rent and be done with it? I thought so, but the manager told me he's taking a lien out on my property.
Oh, yeah.
Yep.
They can do that under the Self-Service Storage Facilities act.
"Storage Wars.
" What is the, uh, the artifact? Well, suffice to say it's worth a great deal to some, and if it were to fall into the hands of the wrong people, it could be dangerous.
Dangerous? Why? What is it? I'm sorry.
I can't tell you for your own sake.
[Chuckles.]
And mankind's.
Mankind's? Well, [Sighs.]
I may be overstating a little, but I I have a court date tomorrow.
Will you represent me? You had us at "Raja Ro Ram.
" It's it's "Rao Rahm.
" "Rao Rahm.
" Uh, another partner quit today.
Oh, damn it.
You've got to stop the bleeding.
- We're trying.
- But what about that other attorney uh, Anita Haskins? She's from Hartman-Frank.
You know, Clarence Thomas he's been hounding me about her for a year.
We don't need another lawyer from the outside.
We need you.
We need you back.
I appreciate that, boys, but you know I am suspended.
But your name was cleared of any criminal wrongdoing.
Listen to me.
I'm the one that hired Rachel King.
I made a plea deal with the state bar to limit the damage.
They got their scalp, and we got to keep our doors open.
We asked to pull up the disciplinary hearing based on new evidence.
W what new evidence? We haven't found it yet.
Stanton, - Mr.
Sperling is here for his Healey.
- Oh.
Uh, right, sir.
I'll bring it 'round the front.
You sure this gig is about the zen maintenance of it all? 'Cause if you need the money Yeah.
[Chuckles.]
You don't have any money.
Can't pretend that the events of the last year haven't impacted me fiscally, but, you know, there's something really wonderful about working with your hands.
- Before the sun sets, Stanton.
- Okay.
Sorry! - Don't be sorry.
Get it done.
- Listen, I got to go.
He's [Scoffs.]
Please do me a favor let sleeping dogs lie.
There's something he's not telling us.
Hey, we got to get back to the office.
We got to meet with our archeologist, go over those lease agreements.
Oh, I changed the meeting to his office.
That's a solid idea.
Maybe he could show us the plunder that he robbed from ancient tombs.
Yeah, maybe he'll give us a shrunken head.
[Chuckles.]
You already have a shrunken head.
I like shrunken heads.
It makes me feel like a giant.
Shut up.
Bash: Wow.
This place is sorely lacking in adventure.
This has to be a mistake.
Uh, I'm starting to think the only mistake was taking this case.
And if you act now, I can throw in a flexible pocket hose at no additional cost.
O okay.
Thanks anyways.
Hey, guys.
Sorry.
I only have a couple minutes before my supervisor makes his rounds.
Sorry.
What are you doing here? I'm working.
But you're an archeologist.
The trip to India? I said it was a business trip.
We opened up a call center in Mumbai.
Oh.
I was going for my doctorate when my loans ran out.
I still have to work to pay them off.
- What are you selling? - Wicker.
- Indoor or outdoor? - Really? I'm just asking for the deck outside.
Guys, you have to help me keep those artifacts in my unit.
It'll give me validation among the academic community, which will allow me to finish my dream, which is to teach.
Teaching isn't exactly fortune and glory, kid.
[Imitates whip cracking.]
"Temple of Doom"? I'll be honest I didn't like those movies, except for "Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.
" I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that.
- All right.
- As as your lawyers, we need to know everything, okay? What exactly is in your storage unit? [Sighs.]
[Quietly.]
You're familiar with Hor-Aha? Porn star.
That's "Moira Ha.
" - Yeah.
Yeah.
- [Both chuckle.]
It's a pharaoh of the first dynasty.
The discovered his tomb in 1917, but they never found his death mask.
A lot of archeologists were looking for it.
I found it buried in a floodplain a mile below the tomb three months ago.
Hor-Aha's mask? Not Ho Hor-Aha? Hor-Aha.
No, no, no, no.
Please, please, please.
Just so you know, there's a well-documented legend that I happen to believe in that states if you invoke Hor if you invoke his name to the keeper of the death mask the pharaoh will return with his armies of the dead.
See, that would be a good plot for "Crystal Skull" - instead of the alien thing you so want to call love.
- Okay.
[Sighs.]
It's a death mask, dude.
- With a curse.
- Since when do you believe in curses? Uh, since Rachel bled the firm and Infeld and Karp left us on a sinking ship.
- So, we're good? - Yeah.
- Let's win this.
- We're good.
Great.
Bet you like that greedo fired first in the re-issues, right? - Who am I speaking with? - Just walk.
I'd love to talk to you about some wicker.
[Guitar playing.]
[Humming.]
Hi, Dan.
Hello.
- We have a job that's in your sweet spot.
- Mm.
I need you to do a complete scrub of the firm's computers, but focus on Infeld.
Anyone he met with or talked to within the weeks leading up to his arrest e-mails, malware you know what to do.
Got it.
You think Infeld was in cahoots with Rachel King.
- No.
- No.
But no one can know you're doing this, okay? That's why you hired me.
No.
- No.
- Actually, we hired you because our last investigator quit in disgrace.
I thought Carmen just wanted to live on her own.
Everyone takes her side.
She left us, Dan, okay? Shall I leave it there or do you want me to send her a message? - What?! No.
- What? No.
Just focus, dude.
Focus on the Dude did you get a Botox injection? Beckmann's offering 20% off to all F&B staff.
You could use it.
Burners.
Take one.
Give the other to Jared.
- Why? - Why not? Ellen, might I present the Bone? The Bone Ellen.
Hello.
Bone.
Actually, the Bone.
Or Bone.
Tell her about your case.
Well, I run O.
G.
Medical.
It's a pot shop in Westwood.
Statue of Liberty smoking weed out front, - playing the guitar? - No, I'm sorry.
I just have not seen that.
Well, we've been helping people in the community for seven years all natural, organic suppliers.
We check to make sure everyone's prescription is up-to-date.
How's the bursitis, by the way? Ah, some days are better than others, but good.
So, what's my reward for this? The immoral majority is trying to shut me down.
Well, if you're licensed, the city can't do No, no.
Not the city.
The Lisks they're a couple.
They live a block off the boulevard.
They want to open a daycare center out of their house.
Which would put the Bone within a thousand feet of the school.
They say they can shut me down.
And with the anti-pot-shop climate right now, the city's looking for any reason to shut him down, even if the dispensary was there first.
- I'm like a martyr.
- Hmm? Like Gandhi but of weed.
Could you just give us a moment, the Bone? - Sure.
- Just go wait in the lobby.
All right.
I'll be at the, uh, water cooler.
There you go.
- [Clears throat.]
- That's the Bone.
Uh, let me see if I can get this straight.
You're asking me to represent a pot dealer Medical marijuana dispensary.
against people who want to open a daycare center? Actually, I'm not asking you.
I'm telling you.
W [scoffs.]
Well, that's kind of hot just ordering me around like that.
Really? Well, - I didn't mean to get forceful, but, uh - [Chuckles.]
- I could order you to do some other - No.
No.
No.
Exactly.
Good.
I was testing you the no-sex policy at work and you passed, so well done, fellow employee.
Uh Okay.
Sure you were.
[Pats back.]
I hate you.
Of course you do.
Right.
- A cow? - Yeah! Okay.
That's Gleason, the owner of the storage unit.
- Oh.
Hey, dude, that's - We know that guy.
Oh! Hello.
- Good morning, gentlemen.
- Karp.
It's been a while.
Fancy firm life it agrees with you.
You look prosperous.
- He means fat.
- I mean you look fat.
You know, seeing you guys and jut the benter, and the way you finish each other's sentences.
I so do not miss that.
- We don't finish each other's - Sentences.
- That's just - Stupid.
I thought Fugate and Towne was handling this case.
Well, Space 4 Rent Storage has decided to go with new counsel, and as you know, I am now a senior partner - I heard that.
- At a solvent law firm, so I get to choose the cases that I want to be on, and I pick any case that allows me to go up against Infeld-Daniels, et al.
- [Mockingly.]
Et al.
- It's Latin.
Let's get started.
- Yes, Your Honor.
- [Clears throat.]
It's your motion, Mr.
Karp.
What's your pleasure? Karp: Uh, immediate possession of the storage unit under article 26 of the agreement.
Your Honor, we're asking for a one-week continuance.
I expect my lawyers to be ready, and I'm not interested in excuses.
Your Honor, under civil code section 4517, the party is entitled to a continuance - if any unanticipated occurrences - Karp: That is ridiculous.
How does a new lawyer constitute unanticipated Everything about you is unanticipated.
- What does that mean? - All right.
Enough.
I'll give you one day, gentlemen.
We'll reconvene tomorrow.
We're in recess.
Franklin: Thank you, Your Honor.
- 4517? - Yeah.
I stopped reading after section 14.
- It got predictable.
- Well, it bought us a day.
We still need to come up with a plan.
The owner he was wearing a bracelet.
Uh, Karp! Uh, hold that thought, Mason.
We'll meet you outside.
Okay.
Has he gotten bigger? Uh, yeah, I think so.
But you know what's weird? - Huh? - That if he'd just fought a little bit harder for the firm and the people, - his name would be above the door instead of ours.
- This one? I'm twice the lawyer you guys will ever be.
You keep packing on the pounds, and you will be.
Look at that guy.
I have the body mass index of a teenager.
Surrounded by a family of bears.
[Chuckles.]
We're still fighting to get Stanton reinstated.
- In case you were wondering.
- I wasn't.
Yeah.
First sign of trouble, he turns his back on his uncle, - the firm - Turn my back on him? I gave everything I had to Stanton for over two decades.
I practically lived there.
You guys waltz in three years ago and, with the exception of a karaoke machine, gave absolutely nothing to the firm.
How soon they forget about Thai massage Tuesday.
Get me your updated witness list, or I'll be asking the judge for sanctions.
Do you mean you'll be asking seconds? [Chuckles.]
- I miss him.
- I know, right? - Where is he? - I don't know.
Where's Mason? - You see him? - Mason! Whole thing's a conspiracy.
Got to be a little more specific.
Gleason, the manager of Space 4 Rent Storage, was wearing a Zungi fertility bracelet.
Oh.
Z uh It's a small tribe in New Guinea.
Small as in few in number or small in stature? Well, both.
They're pygmies.
- Aww.
- You would.
Only one anthropological archeologist has lived among the Zungi in the past decade Marcel Ziff.
I studied with Ziff at UCLA.
- We partnered on expeditions.
- Why they won't settle.
Brought in the big firm.
So, you think Ziff is bribing Gleason to get into your locker.
Ziff is up for tenure, which this artifact would guarantee him.
Now Gleason's wearing a rare Zungi bracelet, which I think is more than coincidental.
All right.
Okay.
We should talk to Ziff.
We'll talk to Ziff.
Oh! We've, uh, never had children of our own, and we've always wanted to help.
It's been our dream to have a school for underprivileged kids.
Can you believe this? [Chuckles.]
And we we certainly do not want to stop you.
I just wonder if, in light of the fact that my client has been lawfully running a business, that we might consider other options.
Lina: What kind of options? Maybe you wait a year to open your school to give the Bone time to relocate, or maybe we help you find a better location.
Mm, we'd like to run it out of our home.
You know, I mean, I'd like a date with Michelle Pfeiffer circa "Ladyhawke.
" W c can you control your client, please? Or what? You you want to take away my civil liberties? What more can you do? Or what? I'll tell you what.
Your little pot shop is still there by the time we open, I'll have you popped on a 11357.
With good time/work time, you'll be out by Christmas of 2017.
You can stop me, you can take away our weed, but you can't take away our um - Freedom.
- That's what it was.
[Scottish accent.]
You can't take away our freedom! [Sighs.]
Bash: Okay, if anyone asks, I'm the professor.
Why do you get to be the professor? [Sighs.]
We can't both be professors.
It's a department fundraiser.
Who says professors don't travel in twos? Besides, no offense, no one's gonna buy you as an academic.
P.
E.
teacher, maybe.
Be a donor.
Everyone loves a donor.
- I don't want to be a don - Hi.
- Hello.
- Hello.
- Can I get your names? - Certainly.
I'm Professor Horatio Burton.
Antiquities.
This is Thornton Melon.
Franklin: Former professor.
- Not a professor.
- Thinking about getting back into it.
He's not even thinking about it 'cause he's a donor.
- Debating about getting back into it.
- He's a donor.
You guys aren't on the list.
Ah.
Um Maybe we can try Franklin and Bash.
[Both chuckle.]
Hey, you've heard of us.
You spoke at Career Day at my sorority.
I still have the beer cozy.
What was the catchphrase again? - We've got your back.
- We've got your back.
[Chuckles.]
So, is there any chance we can just slip on in there and talk to Professor Ziff? He's kind of expecting us.
I don't know.
Do you guys handle traffic tickets? Yes, we do.
Like nobody else.
[Laughter.]
Afternoon.
- Hey.
- Tiresome affair, don't you think? Ah, a necessary evil.
Ah, yes.
Speaking of evil, you're Professor Ziff.
Uh-oh.
Former students? No, but you are trying to steal from one.
Steal? Steal what? The death mask of Hor-Aha from your field partner Mason Trawley.
- Mason Trawley? - That's right.
We were never partners.
Mason was a grad student in Industrial Heritage, a rather remarkable course that I taught.
What about the death mask? Sadly, a myth.
I suppose the Zungi bracelet you gave the owner of the storage facility that's a myth, too? I I don't understand.
Oh, you don't understand? He just said that.
You probably should've told him not to wear it in court, though, yesterday, huh? Okay, wait.
Is this something that Mason claims to have seen? - That's right.
- Did you see it? Okay.
Yeah.
You see, that's what I thought.
I carefully picked students to go with me on a dig in Peru.
When Mason wasn't invited, he lashed out quite demonstrably, actually.
He didn't lack passion as a student, but he was he was unstable.
The fact is, he was asked to leave the department.
Now, that is on record.
I feel for Mason, but he clearly needs some help.
Now, if you'll excuse me [Chuckling.]
That's great.
Great! We got a crazy client, and I bet there isn't a death mask in that storage unit.
What do you think about that? What do we do now? You tell me, Horatio.
You got the PhD.
Your Indiana Jones is a Walter Mitty.
Mine? So, you believe Ziff? You think Mason is delusional? If you believe there's a priceless cursed death mask in a storage unit, maybe you're the one who's nuts.
But if it's the crazy card we've been dealt, I say let's roll the dice.
Do you really not know you just mixed metaphors? I believe in mixing metaphors.
Keeps them fresh.
Incoming.
- Where? - 12:00.
What? Behind you? I did a heat-signature regression analysis using data from sentinel drones on everyone who came and went - during the two weeks before IDk accounts - Dude - found small-amount transfers from the - Dude - Dan! - Yeah? We're on an elevator.
With other people? Rachel planted a virus on Infeld's computer.
She probably did it by sending malware disguised as an attachment - You getting this? - Maybe working with someone - within the firm.
- [Elevator bell dings.]
Thank you.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
That was good.
- Excuse me.
- Excuse me.
Where you going? Franklin: Oh, here comes our little ray of sunshine right now.
Ellen.
We were just talking about you and how you don't knock.
Don't care.
I may have something on the Bone's case Who I wish would stop calling me "Felon Pot-ello.
" [Laughs.]
The Bone! You can make a weed reference out of any name.
Check this out.
Actor who plays the bongos naked, just won the Oscar.
Matthew Mc-Chronic-y.
Mm-hmm.
The guy who used to be married to Demi Moore.
Hashton Kusher.
Double points two names.
- Well played.
- What do you got? It's something Jeff said.
The Bone pissed him off no big surprise there but then Jeff started spouting penal code violations.
"Good time/work time" that's prison slang.
You think he's got a record? I don't know.
I have a call in to a friend at the D.
A.
's office.
This D.
A.
friend do I know her? - So lame.
- And so none of your business.
Why don't you just have Dan do surveillance on the house, see if they're hiding anything? - Dan: Already on it.
- Whoa! Whoa, Dan.
Come on, man.
What, are you just sitting there, listening to us? Uh I'm not sitting.
And I'm not staying.
Hey, Jared, Swatello's friend it's a guy.
[Chuckling.]
He used to play water polo in college.
Franklin: Thank you, Dan.
I can play water polo.
Under the agreement, I see no reason not to turn the locker and its contents over to Space 4 Rent Storage.
- Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
We agree.
- You do.
The contract supports Mr.
Karp's position, Your Honor Which is why we'd like to throw it out.
Shred it.
Rip it up.
- Your Honor - Nuke it! I understand the concept of destroying things and why you want to do so in this case.
Any reason why I should? The contract is meaningless because Mason Trawley lacked the mental capacity - to enter into it in the first place.
- What? You're saying I'm crazy? Your Honor, if he lacked capacity, then the contract is void.
Space 4 Rent gets reasonable rent, Mr.
Trawley gets his property.
Quantum meruit.
- Boom! Latin.
- It's Latin.
The only people lacking mental capacity in this courtroom are them and anyone who would consider this ridiculous argument.
[Chuckles.]
Whoa.
Whoa, the judge is considering.
Your Honor, he just called you crazy.
- No.
I most certainly did not.
- That is really insulting.
- Judge Douglas: I'll allow the argument.
- Your Honor Quit while you're behind, Mr.
Karp.
Why didn't you guys warn me you were gonna humiliate me in there? Mason, we're trying to win.
We have to make you look crazy.
I'm not crazy! Do you think I am? Well, you do believe in curses.
You know, my whole life, people have been telling me I couldn't be an archeologist, that chasing mummies around was for kids.
I thought you guys believed in me.
- No, we're just - Doing your job.
You're good at it.
You know what you guys are? You're dream destroyers.
[Sighs.]
He was looking right at you when he said that.
Now you've done it.
- You always do this.
- He was talking about you.
No-o-o.
[Indistinct arguing.]
- You are a blight on society.
- How could you want to expose children to an environment like that? Hey! Shut up.
Hey, Felon.
I'm trying to talk sense here.
Give it a rest.
So, we figured out where you picked up your pot lingo, Jeff.
Conjugal visits with your wife.
We're done here.
What are you talking about? June's conviction for selling marijuana to an undercover officer? June got the conviction expunged, but we found it.
And your electric bill is seven times higher than anyone else in the neighborhood.
Well, June spends a lot of time on her beauty regimen.
You got to object.
Look at her.
Stop talking while I'm winning.
I checked satellite imagery of your property.
There it was a blacked-out greenhouse.
Lina: Wait a second.
Your plan was to withdraw your papers as soon as you got - the competition out of the neighborhood.
- [Chuckles.]
It'll never make it into court.
I don't need to get it into court.
I just need to get it in front of the school licensing board.
And now we're done.
- Okay, but y - [Sighs.]
Pot-ello! D don't.
Just Stop.
[Sighs.]
Judge Douglas: We've heard from Mr.
Karp's experts that Mr.
Trawley was of sound mind at the time of the agreement with Space 4 Rent Storage.
I assume you have experts of your own? Your Honor, can't you just pay an expert to say anything you want? Like Mr.
Karp who, let's not forget, called you crazy.
Bash: And it's not like we can't afford an expert, - 'cause we totally can.
- We we just prefer to use someone who knows Mason more intimately than just a one-hour, court-ordered evaluation.
- Does this witness have a name? - Yes, Your Honor.
Professor Marcel Ziff.
Do you remember meeting us yesterday at the faculty event? Yes.
And as I recall, you were asked to leave.
Do you remember telling us that you thought Mason was insane? I never said that.
And didn't you what? Excuse me? Mason and I have known each other, on and off, for 10 years.
We've butted heads, but he's one of the most level-headed, sane people I've ever met.
Come on.
- You're lying.
- Objection.
Judge Douglas: Sustained.
Watch it, Mr.
Bash.
What I said is that as archeologists, sometimes, we're following a map.
Other times, local legend.
But when you're staking your career on myth, maybe you have to be a little crazy.
And if that's the case, well, color me crazy, too.
No further questions.
[Rock music playing.]
Why would Ziff change his statement? Maybe to spare Mason's feelings.
Or Ziff is behind this.
Is the death mask in there? Does it even exist? We told the jury that Mason was crazy, and we didn't deliver.
Today, he seemed totally lucid.
I know, but we can't be the ones that make him act crazy.
The jury will think it's all rehearsed.
Then we make someone else do it.
That witness list Karp's been asking us for let's give it to him.
Mason, you okay? What do you care, dream killers? I hate when he calls us that.
Is the plaintiff ready to call their next witness? - Yes, Your Honor.
- Objection.
Uh, we received Bash and Franklin's witness list late last night, and there's a name here that we've never seen before Dr.
Vincent Hor-Aha.
Dr.
Who? Dr.
Hor-Aha.
- Do you know a Hor-Aha? - Hor-Aha.
Hor-Aha? - It sounds familiar.
- What are you doing? The curse.
Hor-Aha? - Hor-Aha? - Stop! That's seven! Judge Douglas: Is there a problem, gentlemen? - Karp: Stop making them say that.
- Say what? - Hor-Aha.
- No! Enough! If you say Hor-Aha one more time, - I'm citing you both for contempt.
- Your Honor, freedom of speech.
We we can say Hor-Aha if we - You're in contempt - What are you doing? both of you.
Bailiffs, get them out of here.
And if either of you say Hor-Aha one more time, I'm ruling for the defense right now.
- Uh, dude.
That's 11.
We're one short.
- What did you say? Your Honor, if you're gonna hold us in contempt, under rule of court 17, - we're entitled to - Yeah, we're entitled to have your order read back.
Marcy, read back my order.
Oh, man.
"If either of you say Hor-Aha one more time " No! Why?! Why would you provoke his army of the dead?! This is on your heads! All of you! - You, quiet! - No! Hurry! We're gonna need more bailiffs by the door! [Gavel bangs.]
Quiet! Why would you do that?! Why would you do that?! Everybody get down.
Duck and cover! [Chuckles nervously.]
I I'm sorry.
Uh, that was uh, my bad.
That's there was supposed to be an army of the dead.
Oh, boy.
[Both chuckle.]
There should've been an army of the dead just ripping through there, just killing all of us, but It's it's a well-documented curse, actually.
Your Honor, as far as this goes the contempt probably don't need it's not necessary, but if it - Okay.
That's fine.
- I mean, really? - We'll go.
- But we just won the case.
Seems like an overreaction.
Mason said we could stop by the storage unit at 3:00 if we want to see the death mask.
Oh, that's great.
But we have to be back here by 5:30.
Remember we have that interview with Infeld's lawyer candidate.
- Right.
- I vetted his candidate.
- Whoa! - Anita Haskins Spotless records.
Easy on the eyes, too.
Did we ask you to vet her? Not that I recall.
Hey, with Carmen and Pindar gone, you must have a spare room for rent at the beach house.
Uh, you know, actually, the thing is Carmen's bedroom's been converted into a gym.
- Right.
- And, uh, Pindar he's out of town.
He's helping some friend who was mugged in Belgium.
Yeah, he had a friend.
She got her wallet stolen, needed 200 bucks to get back here, and Pindar decided to go there in person and help.
Wow.
Pindar sounds like a good guy.
- Mm-hmm.
- Yep.
Anything else? This is video of Karp [exhales, grunts.]
doing a depo on the evening of July 12th.
And another one the next morning, the same evening Infeld activated his malware to siphon funds from the client retainer accounts.
With as much detail as you can provide Check out the decanter of scotch behind Karp.
It's full.
Look at another depo the next morning at 10:40 A.
M.
Now, do you recall, in detail, the conversation Check out the decanter now.
Nearly empty.
Karp's wearing the same suit, so he never went home.
But Rachel King did.
Security checks have her leaving at 1:12 A.
M.
that morning.
She's a barracuda.
So maybe Rachel got Karp blackout drunk and then used his computer to send that virus to Infeld.
And an investigation would trace back to him.
Or Karp's in it with Rachel.
But either way, though, Infeld took the bullet to protect Karp.
Nice job.
Don't you have somewhere to be? [Snoring.]
Are you serious? Is he sleeping? - Dude.
- Don't touch him.
Dude.
[Loudly.]
Dan.
[Snores.]
Yeah.
[Stammers.]
It's I need Your hypothesis is only half correct.
- Which half? - Damien is innocent.
I mean, he may be stupid, but he's not the first man to be led astray by his John Thomas.
When I left work that evening, Damien and Rachel were in his office together.
Stanton, you can clear your name.
You know, if Karp hadn't hooked up with a senior partner which is incredibly unprofessional, by the way none of this would've happened.
I'm just saying.
I've had a long and successful career.
I don't think Damien could survive another embarrassment.
I had to get in front of it.
What if we can come up with a deal that'll get you back to the firm without incriminating Karp? Well, I would be very open to hearing about that.
So will we.
In the meantime, thank you for the oil change.
- Oh.
- What do we owe you? Uh, you pay at the front.
Oh, listen, uh, if you have the time, would you fill out the customer-satisfaction survey? I'd be very appreciative.
- Looks like you already did.
- Ah, "five star service, and I was very impressed that my mechanic spoke fluent Mandarin.
" Oh! You're more than kind.
Thank you.
Mason: I was obsessed with the death mask for so long, I think I just came to believe it had malevolent power.
Franklin: Well, how about believing in yourself? I'm starting to.
I, uh I have a proposition for you.
I can write a check for services rendered, or I can split the value of the death mask that's behind this door with you.
Really? - That's generous, but, um - Oh.
Still skeptical.
You know, I thought at least you'd believe me.
Well, [Clears throat.]
can you give us one second? [Quietly.]
You know I was thinking, why would Ziff care so much what was in the locker if he didn't think that it was worth something? [Quietly.]
You believe him? Just yesterday, we were in court trying to prove he's crazy, and now you want to gamble the rent on him? When did you become a chicken? I'm not chicken.
I just don't think we're in a position to turn down real money.
- We have payroll to meet.
- I guess.
Mason [Sighs.]
we believe you've got an artifact of great value in there, but we also think you deserve every penny of what it's worth.
Very well.
[Door clanks.]
[Screams.]
[Gasping, sputtering.]
[Laughing.]
- He was scared the whole time.
- I wasn't scared.
He was scared.
[Chuckles.]
This is a certificate of authentication from the University of Madrid.
And the Boston Museum of Natural History just purchased an artifact like this for $3 million.
Here.
Hold it.
[Sighs.]
- Nice going.
- What did you say? If you had believed in Mason from the outset, like I did Me?! I wanted to go with the mask a minute ago.
[Laughs.]
Is there a certificate of authentication - to go along with that fiction? - Son of a bitch.
We should just kill him and take it.
He's standing right there.
He probably you probably heard him, right? Why don't you just say it to his face? I want to kill you and take that.
Okay.
Uh - We'll bill you, okay? - [Mutters.]
- Stop it.
Just go.
- Mason: Thanks, guys.
- We could just kill him.
- We're not gonna kill anybody.
[Laughter.]
The Bone: It was a monkey.
[Laughter continues.]
Jeff: Hey! Hi, sweetie! - Oh! - Miss Pot-ello, join us.
What the hell is going on?! You wanted us to reach a resolution.
Yes, before I won you the case.
Well, we were riding in the elevator, and we realized we had more in common, that if we work together We are going legit, like the Bone.
The Bone.
Looks like we solved the case through weed-iation.
[Both snicker.]
That's great.
Can everyone get out? Now? You're pretty.
Fabulous.
Get up.
Let's go.
Come on.
Walk faster.
Oh, really? You've got to be kidding me.
You're pathetic.
[Sighs.]
[Coughs.]
[Bash imitating Darth Vader breathing.]
[As Emperor Palpatine.]
Strike me down with all your hatred.
Oh, of course.
[Both laughing.]
Great job, Ellen! Thank you.
I'll stop by your office later, and we can, uh debrief? Sounds great.
Wink, wink.
And in the meantime, your new recruit is waiting for you in your office.
- Anita Haskins? - Oh, dude! Oh.
We forgot.
- You forgot.
- Mm.
How do I look? - You look good.
- Thank you.
How do I smell? [Sniffs.]
- You smell like pot.
- [Both chuckling.]
All right.
Maintain.
- You maintain.
- You maintain.
I have too many buttons.
- Ready? - I think I'm shrinking.
[Both giggling.]
You are shrinking! Why are your pockets down there?! Going down.
[Both snickering.]
So, Princeton undergrad, Stanford law, mm, three years at Hartman-Frank.
[Quietly.]
It's called Hartman-Frank.
I said Hartman-Frank.
- Maintain.
- You maintain.
All right.
Uh [Clears throat.]
So, where did you two go to law school? Uh [chuckles.]
Grant.
That was your high school.
Anita, this isn't about me.
It's not about him.
This is about Can you tell us about your time at Hartman-Frank? Uh, well, I started out in emerging technologies, but I mostly floated between antitrust and international arbitration.
That's a lot of words.
[Chuckles.]
All right.
Uh [Clears throat.]
here's the deal, gentlemen.
I have offers from six other firms, all of whom didn't send stoned senior partners - to interview me.
- Whoa! - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! - Wait, wait, wait, wait.
- Wait, wait, wait.
- We're not seniors.
Listen Reputable, prestigious firms with solid financial standing, all of whom will pay me 20% more than you.
I'm not in it for the money.
- Good.
- I'm in it to get in the game.
The game? - Trial.
- I don't know.
All those other firms are gonna make me pay my dues, hunt for precedence like a truffle pig, for what - to sit third chair in five years if I'm lucky? - [Laughs.]
- He's laughing at truffle pig.
- [Laughing.]
Truffle pig! I want to get in the courtroom now.
- So, let's cut the bullshit.
- Whoa.
Can you promise to get me in the game? Can you be here in the morning? Let's start right now.
I brought a salad.
Welcome.
Thank you.
Oh.
Welcome back.
- Okay.
Oh! - [Chuckles.]
You are tall.
- Bash: Mmm.
- Franklin: Mm-hmm.
Root beer and waffles, where have you been all of my life?! - If you were buried in a tomb - [sighs.]
What curse would you unleash on those who attempted to disturb you? Well, dude, that is an invalid question, because, thanks to you, I will be broke and buried in a pauper's grave.
You got to let go of losing that $2.
5 million.
It's been like 107 minutes.
Oh! We'd like to order.
- Mm, that's a good idea.
- Again? Oh.
- Who had the cheeseburger? - Not me.
Not me.
What? - The answer.
- To what? My question.
What was your question? Where's my cheeseburger? I don't know.
It's been like an hour.
The service is not as good as the food! Well, you better get used to it, 'cause it's all we can afford.
- That's cold, man.
- I'm just getting started.
Locusts, raisins, and napalm that is the curse I'm gonna rain down on you.
Can I get another root beer please? If I have a dog, I'm gonna name him Richard, and feed him waffles.