Hannah Montana s04e01 Episode Script

" Yeah "Yeah" Well, are my babies ready to see the new home? Dad.
'Babies'? Really? Come on.
Soon to be high school senior here.
Soon to be college dropout there.
[mockingly.]
"Soon to be college dropout there.
" [indistinct mocking noises.]
I wasn't talking to you guys.
I was talkin' to these babies.
Wait till you see your new bathroom.
I got ya a come-plated wall holster.
Different house, same dippy dad.
Same dippy dad with great hair.
- Ta-DA! - [Gasping.]
Oh, sweet Mama! Wait, this isn't our furniture.
Honey, no interest for You bought new furniture? Without consulting me? And it looks good? I gotta sit down.
Try out the new sectional.
It's double stuffed.
And, fortunately, pet-protected.
- What's this do? - That's a remote.
- [drumroll.]
- [Angel chorus singing.]
I know we just met but I think I love you.
You like that one, wait till you see the one in your bed - [whooshing.]
- [Footsteps running.]
room.
[Jackson giggling.]
I'm never moving out! Didn't think that one through, did ya, Dad? Have fun on tour, Ollie-pop.
I'm gonna be so sad till you're home again.
This place rocks! Yeah, my eyes won't see anything but the blur of my tears.
And pizza oven?! Yeah, I can't talk.
I gotta go.
Wow! - I know! - How? - Him.
I know! - Him? - Whoa! - Uh-huh.
This is the place everybody's gonna want to hang out.
I know.
I already thought about that.
I am gonna be the social hub of senior year! Me! We! I said "we" 'cause I was I mean, I was thinking "we.
" Just Daddy, we love the place.
- See what I did right there? - You think you love this? Wait till you see your new bedroom.
I brought out something special from Tennessee.
First Blue Jeans, then the house and now there's even more? Is he the sweetest daddy in the world, or what? I'm gonna have to go with "or what?" [Miley.]
Whoo! Here we go, everybody! * Come on * * You get the limo out front * * Oooh * * Hottest styles Every shoe, every color * * Yeah, when you're famous it can be kind of fun * * It's really you but no one ever discovers * * Who would have thought that a girl like me * * Would double as a superstar * Whooo! * You get the best of both worlds * * Chill it out Take it slow * * Then you rock out the show * * You get the best of both worlds * * Mix it all together and you know * * That it's the best of both worlds * Why would your dad think that wrapping up your old room and shipping it here would make you happy? This room makes me so happy.
Sometimes I wish I could wrap it all up and take it out to Malibu.
Who knows what goes through that hillbilly mind of his? - Now put down Rainbow Piggy.
- Rainbow Piggy? Hey, I was six He oinked away the bad dreams.
Well can he oink away this one? Oh, man, I didn't get my old room from Tennessee.
All I got was a new stereo, new TV, new memory foam mattress Look, you have to do something.
I can't spend senior year rooming with Daisy Diaper! - [doll.]
I'm wet.
- Zip it, drippy! No one cares! [doll squeaking.]
OK, I know it's crazy, but when we were back home and you said how much you loved your bedroom and how you'd like to wrap it up and bring it out here [whispers harshly.]
You said that? Don't interrupt.
It's not polite.
Anyway, I seen how much you loved it, and how happy you were.
And then I bought the ranch and got to thinking, "Well, shoot, Robby Ray, you're halfway there.
" Give the girl her bedroom! "Make her that happy all the time.
" Thank you so much, Daddy.
Don't know what I did to deserve this.
I honestly don't.
* Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh Whoa * New house, new study habits.
Who am I kidding? [scoffing.]
New house, same gut-wrenching disappointment.
Hey, guys.
Wow, cool house.
I'm TJ.
Normally I wouldn't just barge in like this, but now that I've gone through your mail, I feel like we're old friends.
- Who wants pie? - You went through our mail? Hold on, son.
I'll handle this.
I'll have a slice! Dad, focus! He read our mail! Just the outside.
I'm not weird or anything.
So how about we grab that pie and hit the hot tub.
- Uh, look, son - Or, if you're embarrassed by those extra pounds, you could spit out the pie and we can go straight to the tub.
Did he just call me fat? Now I'll handle this.
Right this way, please.
I came on too strong, didn't I? Lil' bit.
Hi, cuz.
TJ, I told you to wait for me.
I'm sorry.
He's really very sweet, except you know that thing in your head that tells you not to say stuff? Yeah.
He doesn't have that.
What are you talking about? He's just about the most charming little rascal I ever did meet.
So my cousin didn't say anything he shouldn't have? - Nooo.
- He called me fat! Well, I mean, let's face it, you are a little doughy.
We were getting ready to get in the hot tub.
You wanna come? I'd love to, but I have a bikini catalogue shoot in an hour.
[stammering.]
B-b-b-b-bikini? - Yeah.
I'm a model.
- Of course you are.
- But I can stay! - Of course you can.
I didn't bring my trunks, but I don't mind tubbin' in my undies.
- Of course you don't.
- Well, have fun.
OK.
[drawer singing.]
* Have a good day at school today * * Have a good day at school * I love you.
[mimicking Miley.]
"Yeah.
Move in with me, we're like sisters, it'll be fun, y'all.
" You're just bitter 'cause your dresser doesn't love you.
Yeah.
That's it.
* Ooh, ooh, hey Yeah, yeah * You really didn't have to loan me these board shorts.
Yes.
Yes I did.
Hey, you know what's weird? Your dad is so tall and good looking.
- What happened to you? - [Chuckling.]
See, I have such an amazing sense of humor, and that's why I can laugh at that.
Maybe you should tell your cousin that.
Oh.
Thanks, Robb-o.
Oh, look at that, you got your own little door.
If I open this, can I look forward to more stupid music? [mimicking.]
Can I look forward to more stupid music? Don't open it.
This is a nightmare.
How are we supposed to be the social hub of senior year in a room full of pink piggies and musical furniture? Look, OK We know it's bad.
[- doorbell ringing.]
- But it's not like anyone from school is ever gonna see it.
[Robby.]
Miley, some of your buddies from school are here! Oh, come on! Stewart! This house is unbelievable! It's like my dream house except it doesn't have solar panels, a rain water reclamation system, and it isn't made out of used tires But other than that, it's perfect! Yeah, way to bring down the room, Sarah.
And FYI, a tree never died to make a breath mint.
- That's organic broccoli! - You know what? She's right.
This house is an energy-sucking eyesore! I'm ashamed for you to see it.
You guys should just leave.
Oh, come on, at least let us see your bedroom.
[together.]
Uh We would, but Lilly has gotta get down to her new job at the pier! Uh No, my shift doesn't start until 5:30 - You have to go to work! - I have to go to work! [phone ringing.]
- Hey, Mom.
- Come on! Fun! The pier! - Prizes! - Mile, what's the rush? You've got time to show 'em your bedroom.
- She has to go to work! - I have to go to work! Oh, man.
My stupid little brother is sick and now I can't have my "call it a slumber party and I'll pound your face in" - sleepover this weekend.
- Too bad.
- What a shame.
- Can't live in the past.
- Let's go to the pier.
- Let's go to the pier! Hey, I got a good idea.
Why don't you have your party here? Should've seen that one coming daddy say what? - Really, Mr.
Stewart? - Really, Mr.
Stewart? Absolutely.
There's no better way to break in a new house than a good old-fashioned sleepover! Besides that, what a great way to kick off your senior year! This is awesome.
[squeaking.]
You betcha! * Ooh, aah, aah * * Yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah * * La, Di, DA, DA * * La, Di, De, DA, DA, ooh * Oh, my gosh.
Wait until you see Miley's house, it's amazing! Well, as amazing as a house can be without an in-kitchen composter.
Yeah, if our parents weren't dating Don't worry.
The way your mom overwaters her lawn, my dad's walking any day now.
[exhaling.]
Thanks, Stewart.
See you Saturday.
Yep! Party starts at eight.
Humiliation and social death starts promptly at 8:01.
Do you mind? I am trying to be cheery.
I'm the face of Al Blaine's Funtopia! Hi, sweetie, have you made your choice? I want the big tiger.
Well, the big tiger is 50,000 tickets.
You can get the ice cubes, the eraser or the dragon stickers.
- I want the big tiger.
- You can't have the big tiger.
But if you put those stickers under your pillow, when you wake up in the morning, that tiger'll be at the foot of your bed.
- Yay! - Yay! Yeah, he'll be disappointed, but, you know, at least when he wakes up Sunday he'll still have friends! Look, come on What do you expect me to do? I can't just tell my dad I hate the room.
You saw him.
[mimics Robby.]
"Do you like it? I did it just for you, Bud.
" I just wish there was some way he could see how humiliating it is.
Daddy, you promised you'd say good night before you went to your concert.
[Robby.]
Hold on, I'm comin', darling! Marty, I'm not walkin' out on stage in this shirt.
It's humiliating! Hold on just a second Night, darlin'.
Sweet dreams.
I'm serious, Marty, I look like a dang motel sign.
- I want that shirt.
- Why? Let me paint you a picture - Father? - Yes, kitten? You do so much for me, I want to do something special for you.
- Surprise! - Good heavens! You wore a shirt like this when I was a mere slip of a girl, and I'll never forget how handsome you looked in it.
Ah.
That's so sweet of you, Princess .
.
UT it was the past.
I've grown.
I've changed.
- [bell dinging.]
- As have you.
Which means I've made a horrible mistake with that bedroom of yours.
- Can you ever forgive me? - Of course I can.
Will you stop that? It's creeping me out.
Fine, give me the shirt.
Fine, give me 50,000 tickets.
Where am I gonna get What does 50,000 tickets get? How 'bout a brand-new How 'bout some personal space, freak? OK, fine, a 50.
Forget it.
I want the big tiger.
Everybody wants the big tiger.
No, no! No, you don't! This is carnival junk! The stitching is terrible! It's gonna fall apart before you take it home.
- [Lilly.]
Uh - Cheese and biscuits, this thing is well made! Yeah, that's why it's 50,000 tickets! Stop it! You're hurting Hannah! Hannah, as in Montana? Yes, weird, as in "doh.
" - Keep her here.
- You're going all the way home? I don't have to.
Vacuum-packed emergency Hannah kit.
After four years of "I can't, but Hannah can" - you learn a little something.
- No way.
Yes, way.
The guys at the space shuttle made it for me.
I made 'em a mix CD.
Oh! They also gave me a Thanksgiving dinner for eight.
Yeah, right.
Don't worry.
I've read that even at 16, - I'm 19.
- You're 19? Wow.
I mean, it wouldn't be so bad if you didn't have such an abnormally large head.
Hey! I've got a great idea.
Why don't we go over to your house and see if your cousin's home from modeling [stammering.]
b-b-b-b two piece swim wear.
Doubt it.
She's probably hanging with her dumb boyfriend.
- She has a boyfriend? - Yeah, he thinks he's all cool 'cause he's a "professional" football player.
Huh You know what I just realized? - Get out.
- What? Yeah.
Get out of my house! - Was it something I said? - It was everything you said! Starting with "who wants pie" and ending with "abnormally large head!" Hi.
Uh, TJ, I locked myself out of the house and I need to use your keys.
You're in luck.
TJ and his keys were just leaving.
You've been so sweet to him.
Not like that jerk I just [sniffling.]
broke up with.
- Broke up? - That's too bad.
Let's go.
Whoa, whoa! Where you going, neighbor cousin buddy? - Would you just excuse us for one ? - Yeah, but You know that whole "Get out" thing? I was totally kidding! Test of friendship! You passed! - She's a babe, isn't she? - With a very small window of availability! [sniffling.]
I could really use a hug.
Please don't ruin this for me! Can I use your hot tub whenever I want? Yeah.
Just no more man-made bubbles.
All right.
- Could you still use that hug? - Yeah.
- C'mon, cuz, let's get something to eat.
- OK.
- Do you want to join us? - Yes! I mean I could eat.
- I want a new room.
- I want the tiger.
- I want a new room.
- I want the tiger! Ha! Stupid NASA wishbones! - Give me my stinkin' tiger! - [Cell phone ringing.]
- OK, but before I do - [Karaoke music playing.]
Oh my gosh, it's Hannah Montana! - Where?! - Hello, Malibu Pier! - Good to see ya.
- [Cheering, applause.]
This one's for you, kid! [* Miley Cyrus: Are You Ready.]
* Put on your coolest dress and your hottest pair of shoes * * C'mon let's go * * Oh Let's go * * Get in my car Turn the radio on up high * * I said high * * At the red light boys trying to get the digits * * But we say bye * * B-b-bye * * 'Cause we're heading to the club * * Nothing's gonna stop us now Let's go * * Let's go, let's go Oh * * Are you ready, are you ready? Are you ready? Let's go! * * Are you ready, are you ready? Are you ready? Let's go! * * Are you ready, are you * - [music ends.]
- Yeah! [cheers and applause.]
- Do more! - I'll sing whatever you want! For 50,000 tickets.
* Hey, eh Yeah, yey, yeah * I don't know what to say.
If you don't like it, you can tell me.
- I will understand.
- Don't like it? I love it! [together.]
You what? Yep! If this shirt brings back special memories to you, - then I'm proud to wear it.
- Uh I mean, Dad.
Because if you don't like it, you could tell me.
I'd totally be OK with that.
- She would.
Totally OK.
- That's how you raised me.
Raised her right, you did.
You taught me that, you know, uh sometimes people do things out of the kindness of their heart that some people don't really want May not want at all! Nope, I love it.
Great! Then, let's go celebrate at a crowded restaurant where everybody knows ya.
Let's go.
- Uh, right now? - Yep.
Right now.
Unless, for some reason, you don't wanna wear it.
- Because you hate it.
- No, I don't.
- Yeah, you do.
- No, I don't.
Yeah, you do! Come on.
If you don't tell me you hate it right now, we're gonna walk out that door, mister! All right, I hate the shirt.
- And now you realize that - I really hate the shirt? No! Miley hates her bedroom! When she said she wanted to wrap it up and ship it out here, she didn't mean it literally.
We're girls, we say things we don't mean.
Get a clue! [sighing.]
Oh, that was the hardest thing I've ever had to say Mile, why didn't you just tell me you didn't like your bedroom? 'Cause I didn't want to hurt your feelings.
You know you can tell me anything.
I'll always understand, as long as it's said with love - and sensitivity.
- Sorry.
I didn't want to come off ungrateful because you do so much for me.
And I get the feeling I'm getting ready to do - just a little more.
- Please! So a complete bedroom makeover? Why not? We can design it together.
Or I will design it and you'll write the check.
Even better.
Ow, that's hot! Sorry, Joannie.
I really wanted to have your slumber - [Joannie.]
Sleepover! - Sleepover at my house, but it's gonna have to wait a couple weeks.
- I've never seen Lilly so sick.
- [Coughing, gagging sounds.]
Oh, no, Lilly! All over our amazingly cool bedroom! Gotta go, Joannie, bye! You know, you take out the bunk beds, you move some things around and you throw a different color on the walls - Ew! - We'd still be living next to that.
What other choice do we have? Unless you wanna go sleep out in the barn.
Well, it smells better than Jackson's meatball burp, - but not by much.
- Are you kidding? After we're done with this place, it's gonna be rad.
OK, well, I just have one rule.
He's gotta turn around *** Don't worry, I'll move him into the other barn.
Because you're a horse, you live in a barn.
We've been over this.