Superjail! (2007) s04e01 Episode Script
Superhell!
[ Muffled screaming .]
[ Grumbling .]
[ Horse neighs .]
[ Laughs evilly .]
Aah! Aaaaah! [ Screeching .]
[ Screeches .]
Aaaaaah! [ Groaning .]
Huh? Aah! [ Flatline .]
[ Grumbling .]
[ Screeching .]
I thought you were guarding the pod! Alice: Had to stretch my legs.
Hope that piss was worth it.
I didn't even finish! [ Creatures roaring .]
Alice: I will not survive a raging inferno to die with your dumb ass! Hey! Alice: Unh! [ Roaring continues .]
[ Screeching .]
[ Screeches .]
[ Roars .]
Aah! Alice: [ Grunting .]
[ Roars .]
[ Roaring .]
[ Rock music plays .]
All aboard Climb inside Catch a beam up to my love machine The door is open wide I've arrived To set you free From that nasty XY penitentiary I'm your mama in disguise I'm your mistress in the sky Your mama in disguise Your mistress in the sky The door is open wide Open up and come inside Grab my pink hole.
So, we're on our way to Space Fair.
When a distress locator came in from Jared's "escape to me" Pod.
Alice: Stupid aliens! Alice, I'm with Bruce now.
Where's Jared? But we're open to adventures.
Gross.
Where's Jared? The concert starts in 30 minutes.
Let's drop these dinks off and go.
Setting coordinates.
Destination -- Superjail.
Where's Jared? Alice: Uh, let me think he's dead.
What? Alice: Died in the fire.
[ Crying .]
No! Ooh, a fire, you say? Well, I have a-- Is there a grief counselor around to shut her up? No budget for it.
But Jared and I did make some laminated cards.
[ Cries .]
I'll find him alive! My scanners are picking up higher than normal temperatures.
Ooh, passionate.
Alice: What the--? What is that? Welcome home.
Sure you don't want to come to the concert? Alice: Rather burn in hell.
[ Evil laughter .]
[ Lisping .]
Sayonara, suckers.
[ All screaming .]
[ Evil laughter .]
[ Screaming continues .]
I could rule this.
Jared! I'm here for you, Jared! Where are you?! [ Screaming continues .]
[ All groaning .]
Aah! No! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! [ Growling .]
All: [ Chanting .]
Hail fire! Alice: What the --? [ Shrieking .]
Alice: [ Groans .]
Aah! [ Groans .]
[ Chomps, gulps .]
[ Gasps, groans .]
Alice: Any genius think of hooking this up? My safe? My safe! That dirty rat.
Excuse me, have you seen Jared? Of course.
I see Jared every day.
Unfortunately, he is useless to me.
I really wanted that head, too.
[ Crying .]
No.
No! [ Grunts .]
Well, I'll be.
If it isn't dumbass back with a stinger between his legs.
[ Grunting .]
[ Laughs evilly .]
Good luck, skinny legs.
[ Grunting .]
Aah! A little help here? Aah! [ Cries .]
[ Grunting .]
I hate you! Alice: What'd I do? You let my Jared die! Hail fire! All: Hail fire! Hail fire! Alice: Cut the crap, assholes.
All: Hail fire! Alice: Bring it on.
[ Gasps .]
Jared: A three-file desk Caddy? The top file is for outgoing love letters.
Jared: I'll cherish it till the day I die.
[ Evil laughter .]
Till the day you die I'd give anything for that desk Caddy.
What is your offering? Alice: You little bitch.
Warden: Prepare this man-beast for sacrifice.
All: Hail fire! Alice: F-you, too.
Hey, those are still on a payment plan.
[ Laughs evilly .]
[ Grunts .]
[ Laughs .]
Idiot! The safe is too heavy for either of us to carry alone.
We're going to have to work together.
I don't partner with dumbasses.
Aah! I got it! Oh, yeah.
There she goes.
Nope, she's not moving.
Maybe if I get the corner.
[ Grunts .]
Nope.
The corner's even worse.
Oh, God.
[ Inhales deeply .]
Fine! Deal.
Good.
I have a plan.
[ Laughs .]
Aah! Aah! I'm gonna be sick! Get me out of this thing! Safe-ty in numbers.
[ Techno music plays .]
Alice: Hey, thanks for nothing.
Warden: Fork or spoon? Sacrificing skewers! Mm.
[ Heart beats .]
Stage 4 already? I did it! It's working! [ Cries .]
[ Sighs .]
Sometimes, you must let go to move on.
I'll never let go of Jared.
What am I holding on to? He's dead.
[ Cries .]
Jared: Aah! Aah! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! This better work, numb nuts.
Of course, it'll work.
[ Techno music plays .]
Aah! [ Groaning .]
[ All laugh nervously .]
Damn, you really did light the warden's room on fire.
I guess I was wrong.
You ain't no stoolie.
Yeah, it's just me, loyal old Ash.
Ohh! Ohh! Warden: [ Laughs .]
Aah! Hey, what gives? Nothing, Itold him to think of his best memory.
Well, then just tell him to think of his worst memory.
UhI never thought of that.
Well, it's worth a try.
[ Grunts .]
[ All crying .]
[ Laughing .]
[ Cries .]
Warden: [ Chuckles .]
Ugh.
[ All scream .]
Warden: [ Crying .]
[ Growling, shrieking .]
Come on, boys--worst memories.
[ Cries .]
[ Cries .]
[ Cries .]
Ohh! Yah! [ Grunts .]
Aah! [ Techno music plays .]
Dual chambers.
Stereophonic.
Alice: Sweet.
[ Shrieks .]
Aah! [ All crying .]
[ Both smooching .]
Jared: Why would she leave me? Warden: Really? A naked orgy? I would have dumped you, too.
We did it! Warden: Aah! I thought I told you to keep that disfigured one away from me.
[ Groans .]
[ Grumbling .]
[ Horse neighs .]
[ Laughs evilly .]
Aah! Aaaaah! [ Screeching .]
[ Screeches .]
Aaaaaah! [ Groaning .]
Huh? Aah! [ Flatline .]
[ Grumbling .]
[ Screeching .]
I thought you were guarding the pod! Alice: Had to stretch my legs.
Hope that piss was worth it.
I didn't even finish! [ Creatures roaring .]
Alice: I will not survive a raging inferno to die with your dumb ass! Hey! Alice: Unh! [ Roaring continues .]
[ Screeching .]
[ Screeches .]
[ Roars .]
Aah! Alice: [ Grunting .]
[ Roars .]
[ Roaring .]
[ Rock music plays .]
All aboard Climb inside Catch a beam up to my love machine The door is open wide I've arrived To set you free From that nasty XY penitentiary I'm your mama in disguise I'm your mistress in the sky Your mama in disguise Your mistress in the sky The door is open wide Open up and come inside Grab my pink hole.
So, we're on our way to Space Fair.
When a distress locator came in from Jared's "escape to me" Pod.
Alice: Stupid aliens! Alice, I'm with Bruce now.
Where's Jared? But we're open to adventures.
Gross.
Where's Jared? The concert starts in 30 minutes.
Let's drop these dinks off and go.
Setting coordinates.
Destination -- Superjail.
Where's Jared? Alice: Uh, let me think he's dead.
What? Alice: Died in the fire.
[ Crying .]
No! Ooh, a fire, you say? Well, I have a-- Is there a grief counselor around to shut her up? No budget for it.
But Jared and I did make some laminated cards.
[ Cries .]
I'll find him alive! My scanners are picking up higher than normal temperatures.
Ooh, passionate.
Alice: What the--? What is that? Welcome home.
Sure you don't want to come to the concert? Alice: Rather burn in hell.
[ Evil laughter .]
[ Lisping .]
Sayonara, suckers.
[ All screaming .]
[ Evil laughter .]
[ Screaming continues .]
I could rule this.
Jared! I'm here for you, Jared! Where are you?! [ Screaming continues .]
[ All groaning .]
Aah! No! Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah! [ Growling .]
All: [ Chanting .]
Hail fire! Alice: What the --? [ Shrieking .]
Alice: [ Groans .]
Aah! [ Groans .]
[ Chomps, gulps .]
[ Gasps, groans .]
Alice: Any genius think of hooking this up? My safe? My safe! That dirty rat.
Excuse me, have you seen Jared? Of course.
I see Jared every day.
Unfortunately, he is useless to me.
I really wanted that head, too.
[ Crying .]
No.
No! [ Grunts .]
Well, I'll be.
If it isn't dumbass back with a stinger between his legs.
[ Grunting .]
[ Laughs evilly .]
Good luck, skinny legs.
[ Grunting .]
Aah! A little help here? Aah! [ Cries .]
[ Grunting .]
I hate you! Alice: What'd I do? You let my Jared die! Hail fire! All: Hail fire! Hail fire! Alice: Cut the crap, assholes.
All: Hail fire! Alice: Bring it on.
[ Gasps .]
Jared: A three-file desk Caddy? The top file is for outgoing love letters.
Jared: I'll cherish it till the day I die.
[ Evil laughter .]
Till the day you die I'd give anything for that desk Caddy.
What is your offering? Alice: You little bitch.
Warden: Prepare this man-beast for sacrifice.
All: Hail fire! Alice: F-you, too.
Hey, those are still on a payment plan.
[ Laughs evilly .]
[ Grunts .]
[ Laughs .]
Idiot! The safe is too heavy for either of us to carry alone.
We're going to have to work together.
I don't partner with dumbasses.
Aah! I got it! Oh, yeah.
There she goes.
Nope, she's not moving.
Maybe if I get the corner.
[ Grunts .]
Nope.
The corner's even worse.
Oh, God.
[ Inhales deeply .]
Fine! Deal.
Good.
I have a plan.
[ Laughs .]
Aah! Aah! I'm gonna be sick! Get me out of this thing! Safe-ty in numbers.
[ Techno music plays .]
Alice: Hey, thanks for nothing.
Warden: Fork or spoon? Sacrificing skewers! Mm.
[ Heart beats .]
Stage 4 already? I did it! It's working! [ Cries .]
[ Sighs .]
Sometimes, you must let go to move on.
I'll never let go of Jared.
What am I holding on to? He's dead.
[ Cries .]
Jared: Aah! Aah! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! This better work, numb nuts.
Of course, it'll work.
[ Techno music plays .]
Aah! [ Groaning .]
[ All laugh nervously .]
Damn, you really did light the warden's room on fire.
I guess I was wrong.
You ain't no stoolie.
Yeah, it's just me, loyal old Ash.
Ohh! Ohh! Warden: [ Laughs .]
Aah! Hey, what gives? Nothing, Itold him to think of his best memory.
Well, then just tell him to think of his worst memory.
UhI never thought of that.
Well, it's worth a try.
[ Grunts .]
[ All crying .]
[ Laughing .]
[ Cries .]
Warden: [ Chuckles .]
Ugh.
[ All scream .]
Warden: [ Crying .]
[ Growling, shrieking .]
Come on, boys--worst memories.
[ Cries .]
[ Cries .]
[ Cries .]
Ohh! Yah! [ Grunts .]
Aah! [ Techno music plays .]
Dual chambers.
Stereophonic.
Alice: Sweet.
[ Shrieks .]
Aah! [ All crying .]
[ Both smooching .]
Jared: Why would she leave me? Warden: Really? A naked orgy? I would have dumped you, too.
We did it! Warden: Aah! I thought I told you to keep that disfigured one away from me.
[ Groans .]