Superjail! (2007) s04e02 Episode Script
The Last Pack
Are you guys almost done? How in the world did this happen? What the?! It's you carefree smokers that caused the fire.
That does it! Hey, that's my last pack! You're damn right it is, and not only is your last pack.
It's Superjail's last pack.
From here on out, this is a smoke-free facility.
Hey watch it, f-wad.
Sorry, Alice, but the rules of a full life expectancy are the same for everyone.
Scorch it.
Fresh air in your lungs.
Now, doesn't that feel good? You're a douche.
Good thing Turby isn't here to see this.
Yeah, poor thing.
I don't believe it! Whoo! See? They already have more vim and vigor.
Hey, Turby.
You got a smoke for your buddy buddies? I swear on my amah's grave, this is my last one.
Would I lie to you guys? My homies? I got your cigs-- Hey, guys.
Both: Out of the way, fat ass.
Alice: What's going on in here? Look at all those cigarettes! Relax! There is plenty in stock for everyone! I'll string you up by your balls later.
What? Ah, you savages! Slow down! What are you doing?! You just smoked an entire month of inventory in less than a 2-minute! Smooth.
Okay, Toque King, you're busted.
But, uh, a few packs, and I could look the other way.
Make it a carton.
You can not bribe me.
You have smoked everything! I have no more! But if you're willing to pitch in with some labor you help me.
We make more cigarette.
Do you see what I see, Jailbot? No smokers loitering in my yard, cowering in my doorways, polluting my lungs, stealing company time, sneaking their fixes throughout this hallowed utopia we call Superjail.
Instead, I see beauty and butterflies! Hey, there, little guy! I'm gonna get you! Whoa! Whoa! Help! Smoking?! What?! Jailbot, destroy this den of addiction.
Crush these cancer sticks.
Nullify the nicotine that turns my otherwise model inmates and staff into sniveling, shivering, disobedient addicts.
We'll keep this one as a reminder.
Every time you look up, you will see this last pack, and you will remember that it makes you powerless and pathetic.
Together, we will get this monkey off your backs once and for all! This tastes like feet.
Yay! Sorry.
I just really need a smoke.
I don't get it.
I don't see how this little thing can make them all crazy.
Well, I'll never know.
I just feel the need to create.
No.
My creative juices are strangled.
Ah! How will I finish? You're not doing it right! I thought you loved getting lathered up.
Love?! Oh, now you're Mr.
Love! What do you know about love?! If you loved me, you'd get me some goddamn cigarettes! How am I supposed to do that? You're the man.
You figure it out! I was once a proud man.
What am I doing? I'm gonna get them.
Let's go.
I got an idea.
- What? - Holy hypocrites! Look at now who is trying to get cigarette! I don't believe you! Just making sure everything is still intact.
He's full of shit! I want my smokes.
Get him! Here.
Let me help you.
Addiction is not worth killing ourselves over! Yeah! Yeah! Whoa! It's too easy! No! Chirp.
That does it! Hey, that's my last pack! You're damn right it is, and not only is your last pack.
It's Superjail's last pack.
From here on out, this is a smoke-free facility.
Hey watch it, f-wad.
Sorry, Alice, but the rules of a full life expectancy are the same for everyone.
Scorch it.
Fresh air in your lungs.
Now, doesn't that feel good? You're a douche.
Good thing Turby isn't here to see this.
Yeah, poor thing.
I don't believe it! Whoo! See? They already have more vim and vigor.
Hey, Turby.
You got a smoke for your buddy buddies? I swear on my amah's grave, this is my last one.
Would I lie to you guys? My homies? I got your cigs-- Hey, guys.
Both: Out of the way, fat ass.
Alice: What's going on in here? Look at all those cigarettes! Relax! There is plenty in stock for everyone! I'll string you up by your balls later.
What? Ah, you savages! Slow down! What are you doing?! You just smoked an entire month of inventory in less than a 2-minute! Smooth.
Okay, Toque King, you're busted.
But, uh, a few packs, and I could look the other way.
Make it a carton.
You can not bribe me.
You have smoked everything! I have no more! But if you're willing to pitch in with some labor you help me.
We make more cigarette.
Do you see what I see, Jailbot? No smokers loitering in my yard, cowering in my doorways, polluting my lungs, stealing company time, sneaking their fixes throughout this hallowed utopia we call Superjail.
Instead, I see beauty and butterflies! Hey, there, little guy! I'm gonna get you! Whoa! Whoa! Help! Smoking?! What?! Jailbot, destroy this den of addiction.
Crush these cancer sticks.
Nullify the nicotine that turns my otherwise model inmates and staff into sniveling, shivering, disobedient addicts.
We'll keep this one as a reminder.
Every time you look up, you will see this last pack, and you will remember that it makes you powerless and pathetic.
Together, we will get this monkey off your backs once and for all! This tastes like feet.
Yay! Sorry.
I just really need a smoke.
I don't get it.
I don't see how this little thing can make them all crazy.
Well, I'll never know.
I just feel the need to create.
No.
My creative juices are strangled.
Ah! How will I finish? You're not doing it right! I thought you loved getting lathered up.
Love?! Oh, now you're Mr.
Love! What do you know about love?! If you loved me, you'd get me some goddamn cigarettes! How am I supposed to do that? You're the man.
You figure it out! I was once a proud man.
What am I doing? I'm gonna get them.
Let's go.
I got an idea.
- What? - Holy hypocrites! Look at now who is trying to get cigarette! I don't believe you! Just making sure everything is still intact.
He's full of shit! I want my smokes.
Get him! Here.
Let me help you.
Addiction is not worth killing ourselves over! Yeah! Yeah! Whoa! It's too easy! No! Chirp.