Rescue Me s04e03 Episode Script
Commitment
Previously on Rescue Me I bought this for us.
I- You think i wanted this? Huh?is that what you think? You son of a bitch! Shit! Tommy.
Tommy! Tommy! What really happened that night? You know the truth, tommy.
What? You couldn't get it up.
I tried everything.
It's not that funny.
Your limp, lifeless little dick Might actually save your ass.
Ha ha ha! You wanna go play chief, You go play at some other goddamn house.
This is my house.
I make the rules.
You know why she's Marrying you, right? Because i'm a big, strong, Attractive, almost thin guy Who's not afraid to express Himself justice-wise.
No, because you're trapped in here, And she knows that You're not gonna cheat on her.
I got a girl.
Really? She's in a wheelchair.
But she's got the sweetest ass.
Who's the guy? That's my vollie.
That's my lifesaver.
He's the one that pulled me out.
You're datin' the guy Who saved your life? Yeah.
You remember, uh, colleen, My--my oldest.
Ahem.
She, uh Ran away with her scumbag boyfriend.
She's 18 now? Yeah, but--but You gonna help me or what? I can--give me the boyfriend's name.
How you doin', kid? I'm engaged.
You're kiddin'.
Nope.
Who's the lucky girl? Steven, my boyfriend.
I'd like you to sort of be my best man.
I want you to do something for me.
Anything, ma.
Kill me.
We're gonna have to make This kid a serious offer.
Yeah, like what? I don't know.
You know,no--no grunt work.
You want a winning crew's team again, We're all gonna have to pay th Hey, where you goin'? They found colleen.
Faster, nels.
Hey, tom, we're not even Legally on a call, all right? You know you got insurance Investigators breathin' down your neck.
You got headquarters crawlin' up your ass.
You really want more shit On the plate right now? It's my goddamn daughter,lou.
Jesus, tommy.
I didn't think you were bringing The ninth cavalry with you.
Are they here? Yeah, apartment 4f.
This Building here.
You gotta let me know, I don't really have a plan right now.
Hey, garrity,bring that halligan.
Tommy, go easy.
I'm outta here.
Tommy! What? Is there a fire? Excuse me.
Colleen! Excuse me.
What's going on? Colleen! Whoa.
Whoa.
Where is she? You must be mr.
Gavin.
Colleen.
That's mr.
Gavin to you, ok? That's what i just said.
What? Shut up, ok? Colleen.
Daddy? Oh, my god.
Ah, ah.
Blinders.
Blinders.
Blinders.
Yeah, yeah.
Let me tell you somethin'.
Yeah.
This better not go in the-- It's not goin' In the spank bank.
Better not.
I promise.
Right.
Go ahead.
Go put some clothes on.
Let's go.
We're goin'.
Let's go.
What? Come on.
Jesus.
Mr.
Gavin, please.
It's not what it looks like.
Fake baby head? That's the name Of my new band.
Yeah, you can, um, Hit him now.
Wh--please, mr.
Gavin, Just let me just explain, ok? Explain what, how you Kidnapped my daughter? He didn't! You know what? God, dad! Aah! Aah! What?! Dad, this is so embarrassing.
Get your What can i say? She's in love with me.
She's--let me explain Something, ok? She's an 18-year-old Filled with raging Hormones who also happens to be A rock-'n'-roll fanatic,all right? If that couch was the Lead singer in fake baby head, She'd be having sex with it, ok? You follow? Yeah, i do.
All right, good.
Look, i-- Ooh.
Whoa.
You touched me.
Guys, did you just see that? No,no, no.
eyes down.
We got the blinders on.
Ok, look up now, assholes.
Look, sorry.
I was just Trying to get your attention.
Oh, you--you got my attention.
Come here.
Come over re.
Yeah.
Let me ask you something? Does that, uh,nose ring hurt? What? The nose ring.
Does it hurt? No.
No? That's interesting.
Um, How about now? Huh? Let's go.
come on.
Let's go.
No, no,forget tony.
Stop.
No.
Daddy! I'm not going.
Grab her jacket, guys.
Let's go.
Out, out, out, Colleen.
Colleen.
let's go.
Dad, get off of me! Get in the truck.
Stop it! No! Get in the truck.
No! No! I'm not going with You anywhere.
Sto p it.
Stop! Get in the goddamn truck.
No! I'm not going with you! I told your mother i was Bringin' you home.
Let's go.
No! I can't live with Your shit anymore! Ok?there's no screaming or Fighting or drinking here.
Ok, there's a little bit of drinking, but-- But i never wake up to find my Father passed out on the couch.
You don't own me anymore.
I'm legal! And i'm staying here with someone who Loves me and who treats me with respect.
Eat shit and die, Dad.
Go to hell.
Colleen.
You know, you could have come to me And we could have discussed a plan A plan based on common sense, Ok, on how she felt And on how i felt.
But no,as usual,all you could do Was think about how you felt.
You know, at this point, I would think that acting like an animal Would no longer even be an option.
You know, w-when are you gonna get it Through someone in the face Is not going to solve anything? Huh? When? Oh, my god.
Is he asleep? No.
I don't think so.
Shh.
shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
You know what? Keep--keep criticizing me.
I think It's--i think it's workin'.
What? Yeah.
Lay it on me.
It's not like that's gonna be a problem.
I mean,i could go on all day about What a lousy father you are.
That's right.
Hmm? And about how controlling And manipulative you can be.
That's right.
Daddy's very controlling.
Yes, he can.
Ok, you wanna know What you're gonna do? What? You're gonna go back to tony's And you are gonna apologize.
I certainly am not.
No, i'm not.
Tommy, you are going over there To apologize.
i'm not apologizing.
Because that is the only way that We might get our daughter back.
And now, I'm gonna continue to bad-mouth You from this other room here Because the mere sight of Your daddy is making me sick.
And now you, Your daddy is a selfish, Selfish prick.
Mm-hmm.
Yes, he is.
You gotta do Somethin'for me, stu.
I gotta be able to Take that test again.
Jerry, i looked at your file.
Your heart, you got Permanent damage.
I'm in the best goddamn Shape of my life.
Doesn't matter.
Could run a goddamn marathon, But have a heart attack Clipping your toenails.
Plus all that shit in Your lungs from ground zero.
I'm not saying you're Gonna die tomorrow, But i wouldn't be buying Green bananas, you know? Jesus, stu.
I'm kidding, sort of.
Look,the department Can't take the chance.
They give you another Shot at the test You croak during it or on The job later,they're screwed.
Your family could take the City to the goddamn cleaners.
Look, i got some cash.
It's not much, but we could Grease somebody's palm.
You-- Jerry, stop.
Time to hang it up.
I gotta get back, stu.
I got nothin' else.
Ok, let me run something by you.
I got an opening in my department here.
I could use a vet like you.
What, pushin' a pencil? You move paper around,look Busy a couple hours a day.
Jerry, i'm 10 years down here.
Life ain't so bad.
To a desk,huh? Beats bustin' your Hump out on the job.
You don't freeze In the winter.
You don't sweat In the summer.
Take home a nice paycheck, And you got somewhere To go 5 days a week.
And, oh,heh.
You don't burn to death.
Think about it, huh? Hey.
How are you? Good.
Good.
What are ya readin'? Um, article about, Uh,john mccain.
Thinkin' of votin' For him.
Good man.
I think he's the-- He's the way to go in Really? Two thousand--yeah.
I'm-- I'm not done with it yet.
You all right? Yeah, fine.
Why? I don't know.
You just --you look a little, uh, Weary,sleepy, somethin'.
Newborn baby At home.
Hello.
Right.
Yeah.
Of course.
Not to mention, My wife bustin'my balls About that colleen thing Heh heh.
Yeah.
She wants me to Apologize to the stupid prick.
Yeah.
The--the baby? No, no.
You're--of course you're Not talkin' about the baby.
You're--you'r Talkin'about Colleen's Yeah.
Yeah, boyfriend.
Ahem.
Right.
Imagine me goin' and Apologizin' to--pss pss-- That guy? Yeah.
Ii mean Yeah.
I mean, i can Imagine it.
You know,i think you were a little --i'm gonna stop talking now.
What are you-- What are you watchin'? It's a--pfft.
It's a gay guy sellin' Revitalizin'skin cream.
Is that like a soap? No, it's like a --you know,face cream.
So gay, you know?like Yeah.
i mean,you want Cream on your face, Right,blow your boyfriend.
Ha ha ha ha! Hey, you know what? Mikey uses that stuff.
I've seen it.
This stuff? Yeah.
He's got it.
Here? Yeah.
I've seen it in his locker.
He puts it on before And after every shift.
Pussy.
Yeah.
We should bust his balls about that.
Yeah.
No, definitely.
Jesus.
Look like a hag.
Hey.
What're you doing? Oh, i was For some, uh, Toothpaste, and Good morning, gents.
This rolled onto the floor.
What're you doing with My reading glasses? Uh, they--they were on The floor with this cream.
Hey, listen.
Garrity said Janet wants you to apologize to That little prick jagger so you Can get colleen back.
Yeah.
You believe that shit? I mean, apologies don't mean Shit to a--to a teenage girl, All right? You gotta take a Beating if you wanna win her back.
What do you mean, like "take a beating" take a beating? "take a beating" Take a beating? Gonna have to go over there.
You're gonna have to mix It up again with him, But this time, You do You gotta get him so pissed At you that he really really, Really just wants to kill you.
You know, so just be yourself.
And then you take the beating Like the little bitch that you are.
Daddy's little girl Kneels by your side, Tears.
all of a sudden, He's the shitheel.
You're the victim.
Get a little Of that sympathy goin' your way.
I don't know if i can Do that, lou.
I just-- Aw, you can do it.
You do it for colleen.
I'll go with you.
don't worry About it.
it'll be fun.
Oh, yeah.
Hey, mary kay, What are you doin'? Oh, i--i just --i got this new stuff.
It's a skin moisturizer for men.
It's got all, like,these Vitamins and nutriments in it.
Yeah.
It's also A breath freshener.
Right.
i saw it on Oprah a couple weeks ago.
Really? Yeah.
It's, Like--not only moisturizes, But it's like,antiwr antiwrinkle, Like,reduces pores And fine lines and, Like--oh, it covers Blemishes and acne scars,too.
You want to try it? Yeah, hold on just a second.
Yeah, yeah.
Just as i thought.
Balls.
No, thanks.
Hey, kid, that Stuff really work? Uh, yeah.
You want some? Yeah.
I'll just put a little Bit under my eyes, maybe.
Oh, it's great for that.
It lightens up dark circles.
Oh, really? Yeah.
I saw some thing about that On the home shopping network.
Oh, yeah.
Just like this? Uh-huh.
Put--put a Little around your mouth.
It's, like, Great for frown lines.
What are you sayin'? Well, you--you do Frown a lot, tommy.
Jesus christ i look like Walter matthau, jr.
This is really nice, like, Me being able to help You out,you know? Yeah.
Heh heh.
You got more of this shit? Yeah.
I mean, i-- I can get more.
Does it come in, like, One big tub instead of No, just--just Those little tubes.
Oh, ok.
You know, tom.
heh.
It's just nice, like, Talking,you know? Like, maybe we can Go out and grab, like, Dinner sometime or somethin', You know,talk some more.
Talk about what? Stuff that's going on at home Stuff.
You know, Like my mom's been really Sick lately,you know, Gettin' worse.
I thought she was Gettin' better.
No.
Ooh.
Stuff's got, like, A real, like, uh, Cooling action goin' on.
She's gettin' worse, tommy.
You know, It worries me, And it sucks i don't have Anybody to talk to about it.
That's why i'm sayin' maybe We can go grab somethin'.
No.
Yeah.
Hi.
You ready For our big date? Oh, the big date.
When's that? Tomorrow night.
I will pick you up.
You know what? Can't do it.
Um, somethin' came up.
What came up? Death.
Death? Yeah, yeah.
Uh, The probie's mom died.
Well,she's not dead.
She's, like--she's, You know,kind of On he--death's door.
You know, She's--i don't think She's gonna make it Through the night, Bullshit.
It's not bullshit.
I got the guy right here.
You want me--you want me To put on the phone? Yeah.
Put him on the phone.
I-- I can't put him on the phone.
The poor guy's grief-stricken.
How you doin',mike? I'm fine.
He sounds ok to me.
Yeah, well, you know, He's in one of those stages.
You know,they have the It's grieving,d-denial, burial.
He's in the denial phase.
All right, so you guys are You going to the hospital We've been to the hospital The last 3 nights, And the food sucks there so I'm takin' him out you know, Throwin' some good food Into him so he can,you know Get ready to be an orphan in The next 48 hours or so.
So where you guys going? Where we going? I'll tell you Where we're goin'.
We're goin'to,uh, frank's.
Angelo and maxie's.
Frank angelo and maxie's.
It's a new place.
Look, nona, You're an attractive girl.
I like you, ok? Yeah, whatever.
When are we going out? It's just a scheduling problem, You know.
I mean, sh--look.
Truthfully i don't think this Broad's gonna make it through, You know, the rest of the week, So--you know, unless she lingers And goes into a coma or somethin'.
But that's not a problem for me, Cause i date during comas.
Actually been on a Couple dates with people who Were in comas while we were On the dates, i think.
Hello? Nona? That was rude.
So we're on, then? No.
Aw, come on, tom.
I mean, It's just--you know, You know what? One hour, No appetizers, no drinks beforehand, And you're paying for everything.
Yeah.
No.
Jesus christ.
Aah! Jesus christ, Where ya been? I been waiting Here for, like, hours.
You got nothin' to eat Or drink in the whole place.
How did youget in here? I used to be a fireman,lenny, Not to mention a criminal mastermind.
You bust in my window? I'll fix it later.
I'm just not really Comfortable with being outside.
I went right from Living in a firehouse To living in the big house.
Teddy Mmm.
Mushroom.
Good choice.
Teddy, what the hell Are you doin' here? Remember how you told me Ellie would lose interest in me When i got sprung? Well,it didn't work out That way,my friend.
I had to ditch her Downtown in a coffee shop.
I been on the run ever since.
Hey, i never took you for A light beer drinker.
He called me a couple hours Ago looking for you.
Ellie called you? What'd you tell her? That i hadn't seen or Heard from you.
Oh, good man.
I called my brother.
He says she's been calling Over there every half-hour.
It's like a gigantic net of Need has blanketed the city! You gotta hide me.
Oh.
You know, teddy, My place is kinda small.
Oh, come on.
You're the one who Said she'd bail on me.
You owe me.
Fine.
Oh, hey, i would tell You to make yourself at home, But it seems like you Already did that.
You're payin' For the window.
Jesus, lou.
Look at The size of that one.
You know, at what point do You make the turn from wanting A little definition to Becoming the incredible Hulk with tits? Aw, no, no, no Take a closer look.
These chicks don't Have tits anymore.
Jesus.
Could you imagine having Sex with one of those girls? Aw, man.
please.
The word "sex"just makes me want To crawl into a hole and die.
Why? The nun still Goin'full steam? Gentlemen, if you ever get The chance to become Romantically involved with A nun, brace yourself.
All those years she was Saving herself for the lord, Not indulging in fornication, Well, when that dam breaks, It breaks in a big way.
It's like a tsunami, Only instead of water, You get hit with sex --exotic positions,rubbing, Touching,sucking, probing.
The tsunami speech again? I mean, the wave Just keeps coming Destroying everything in its path.
What i wouldn't give for Well, why don't you Just tell her you Wanna take a break From the sex thing? That's what i'm doing.
Uh, no, mikey.
What you're doing is Called not getting laid.
No.
It's a conscious Choice,frank.
I'm celibate.
So, um, no pussy whatsoever? Nope.
And no more with the cocks And the balls and the hairy Asses and all that? No, none of it.
Yeah, but you're still Pullin' pud, right? Are you kiddin'? I'm forming calluses.
Attaboy.
So, uh, How long is this no sex Experiment supposed to last,anyway? Until my cock resets.
Or he cuts off his Hands in shop class.
You know, I could help you out, mikey.
I got a giant box of maggie's porn.
I can let you borrow Some if you need help, You know, raisin' the flag.
Aw, jeez, sean.
i mean, I may kind of been with a guy, But i'm not such a homo that I can't pop wood at will.
It's--not poppin' wood at Will doesn't mean, you know, You're a homo.
It just means, You, you know might have a, You know, emotional blockage You know, temporary kind of Mmm.
Like being a homo.
Man Oh, my god Look at this one.
Oh.
Jeez.
You know, tommy, If you ever got the balls up to Ask out that vollie, this is What she may look like Underneath that uniform.
First of all, i did ask out The vollie.
I'm takin' her out.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I am.
And i'lltell You somethin' else.
She's not--my chick Is like 110 pounds.
She's all woman.
Yeah.
Well, she pulled your Sorry ass out of a fire.
Allegedly.
Maybe she's juicin'.
Juice--the only juice She's juicin' is Cranberry juice.
Tommy, maybe You wanna go upstairs Take a little nappy nap.
Yeah.
I think i will.
Hey, tommy, um, you gonna Pick me up tomorrow night, Or should i come by and get you? No, hold on here hold on here.
You wanna share this with The rest of the class, please? Yeah.
No.
Hey, chief.
Hey, guys.
come on in the kitchen.
I got somethin' I wanna talk to you about.
This is such a good idea.
Stick around.
I'm full of 'em.
I'll bet you are.
Know what i like about you? No.
You're not like the Cuginettes on long island.
You got class.
I mean it.
Yeah, well, i have found That after you nearly die You start takin',like, a little Personal inventory,you know? I mean,i got a second Chance 'cause of you And i wanna do something with it I wanna be a better person.
I wanna, Y set a better example for my son Or somethin' like that.
Ohh! You ok? Heh heh.
Yeah.
Heh heh.
My tootsies are cold.
Can we take a break? Yeah.
Yeah? Come on.
Let's go.
So that's it? Yeah, pretty much.
5 days A week down at headquarters.
Put away a couple of bucks.
Maybe move down to hilton head And spend the rest of my days Workin' on my handicap.
It's a golf reference.
Any questions? Reactions? Just such a shock.
Yeah, there's nobody more Shocked than me, tom.
I'm ok with it now, Though.
You know, It's not like my life was A piece of cake Around here,anyway.
Nothing changes, Nothing changes.
Yeah, but you at least Gotta let us throw you A retirement shindig, chief.
No, no, no.
I'm not retiring.
I'm still be around in Case you guys need me.
Well, let us at least buy you A couple drinks after the shift.
Yeah.
Nah, I don't want a big to-do About this, you know? The less ceremony the better.
Plus,i gotta drive up to boston For pete's commitment Ceremony tomorrow.
Oh, that's right.
You're the father of the bride.
You nervous? A little bit.
I want him to feel Like i accepted him.
Have you? Nah, but i want him To think i do.
Yeah, well, then you gotta Try to assimilate, chief, You know, dress the part.
Assimilate? You remember the birthday party Peter threw a couple years ago? We stood out like a couple of big sore, Heterosexual thumbs.
I mean, not sean And mike so much but you know, The real men on the crew.
I got a new suit.
Nice,navy blue, single-breasted.
Nah, that's not gonna Get you anywhere, chief.
You gotta show a Little bit more flair, Be flamboyant, you know, Let your freak flag fly.
I-- I think i'll stick with what i got.
But your collective shitty advice Is greatly appreciated as always.
All right, boys, I'm--go upstairs for bed.
Night, chief.
Anytime, chief.
You, uh, heard from Your lawyer yet? No.
Soon, though.
Think tommy'll Have to go to jail? I don't know.
I --i don't think so.
I mean, i hope not.
I don't--the whole thing's Such a goddamn mess.
You love him, don't you? It's ok.
It's just, you know, Hard not to notice.
Every time I bring his name up, it's like, You know, somethin' gets lit.
Yeah, well, you happen to Bring up his name a lot, so Well, that's because he's Like a legend at our house, You know.
Everybody tells Stories about his saves.
Yeah, he's a real heroic Son of a bitch.
So, you love him, right? Maybe, but It's like The bad kind of love.
Well, i guess, uh, Bad love's better than No love at all,right? You are so cute.
Heh heh.
You are so cute.
Hey, uh Hey.
So you all right with this? Yeah.
Ready to move on, tom.
Yeah? Mmm.
So you're, uh-- You're readyto be a, uh Pencil pusher? Pfft.
I was gonna Say desk jockey.
Ah.
Listen, uh I hate to do this But i gotta ask you a favor.
Sure.
For you, tom, anything.
Right.
I think the insurance Company's gonna drop these charges But, uh, i'm gettin' Wind that somebody down At headquarters is Gonna start sniffin' around.
Could be a real pain In the ass for me.
I'll look into it.
That'd be great.
Thanks, chief.
Yeah, you mean jerry.
The chief's upstairs In my office.
Yeah, whatever.
I meant what i said.
Maybe bowling wasn't The best idea, huh? It's better than paintball.
They're havin' a great time.
Yeah.
We've been here for, Like, an hour and a half, and We're still on the third frame.
Well, think of it as more Time we get to spend together.
Cute couple, huh? Wh-what are you doin', babe? I'm giving you an Invitation to kiss me.
Hey, good effort, barbara.
Nice one.
What is it with you? What?i don't know.
You used to be all over me, And now anytime I try to get close to you Or i wanna spend some time Alone with you, Yo some excuse, or you insist We bring richie along.
I'm just--you know, i'm Trying to spend time with him, Be a part of his life, Be a good guy.
Yeah, i know.
It--it's sweet, But it's just You seem a little More concerned about him Than you do about me.
Well, he's retarded.
About us.
What about us? We're fine.
Well, i'm not fine.
I'm tired of living with 2 Retarded people--one mentally, The other emotionally I mean, do you-- Do you put any thought at All into this relationship? More than you know.
So tell me.
I--i can't right now.
You can't.
Look, nat, you know, We only got 30 minutes left.
I'm trying to break a hundred.
Can we maybe talk after? I'll tell you what.
Let's not talk at all.
Let's just go about our lives Like nothing is wrong and Let things fester until we Completely destroy the relationship.
Is that a real option? Nat.
Natalie, i was joking.
You go, franco.
The steak fry it's really good, And they also have Like,this killer, Like cheesy pasta thing It's like-- Whatever.
Ok, what's up? What's up? What? Well, um I know.
You wanna--you wanna Talk about your mom.
What's--what's --what's the deal? She--she's like, you know-- Yeah, i know.
I know.
She was bad.
Now she's worse.
She's Probably in a shitload of pain, Blah, blah, blah.
Come on, kid.
What's the deal? You got 58 minutes left.
What? Well, she--she-- She asked me to kill her.
Shit.
Yeah.
Wow.
I know.
Sorry, kid.
How? I don't know.
You know, i was thinkin' of, Like, maybe, like, Takin' a pillow and-- What, and smother her? No? No.
You can't do that.
Way too much work.
You got the strugglin' And arms flailin', Not to mention The muffled screams.
Nurse walks in.
No.
can't do that.
That's a tough one, kid.
I don't know.
You--hey, hey, hey.
I swear to god.
You start cryin', And i'm outta here.
Stop.
Christ.
It's my mom, you know.
I know.
I know.
Listen.
listen.
Stop.
Stop.
Listen to me.
Mikey,listen.
It's your-- It's your mom.
It's the woman who brought You into this world.
Listen to me And it's her dying request, So you--you have to honor it, What--what she asks.
What,they probably got her on, Like,a morphine drip right? So the easiest thing to do is To just increase the amount, Like 3 or 4 times What she's already gettin', And that way, She basically overdoses, But she'll nev--she'll die In her sleep, basically.
Jeez, tom, i--i don't know.
Listen to me.
You gotta do this, ok? It's the la she Asked you for.
You owe it to her.
You suck it up.
Let her die with some dignity.
All right? All right, stop.
Stop, opst, Stop.
Come on.
You all right? Hey, Is thia isgay place? Huh? Let go of me.
Let go of me.
Ahem.
Why is it all guys in here? It's not all guys.
Mostly guys.
It's probably The "mandate" thing.
The what? I--i read about this place In new york magazine.
It's like this new fad.
It's called mandating.
It's like, ahem, When guys go out to dinner and-- And they talk about things and-- And--but they don't talk about, Like, you know, cars and sports And stuff like that.
That's why there's No tvs in here.
Yeah, or pussy.
We can call it "bromancing" If it makes you feel better.
Let me tell you something.
You ask a guy out To a place like this, You gotta give him a Heads-up about what's goin' on.
Tom.
Take your hand off my hand.
Take your hand off my hand.
It's not a date thing.
Take your hand off my hand.
Comon, tommy.
Ieed you, man.
What are you lookin' at? Oh, n-nothin'.
I was-- I was lookin' at the wine rack.
You wanna take This shit outside? No.
It's cold outside I don't wanna-- Hey.
My date's here.
Surprise.
Hi.
Hi.
That's my, uh Woman date.
Are you guys ready To order yet? I don't--i think we're gonna go.
Go.
Come on, let's go.
What house of homos in here.
So is it really true that you Carried tommy out of that Beach house fire? Yep.
And you didn't even have Any help or anything? Nope.
You know, with The adrenaline pumping and Everything, i could've carried Out jennifer hudson, Olding her oscar and a sandwich.
Let me just get this straight.
So, it was a drag And carry, right? No.
i mean, Like you dragged me From the living room to the-- To the door, and then you Carried me-- No.
I picked you up, i Threw you over my shoulder, And i carried your ass to safety.
You should be grateful.
I--i--you know.
You should be grateful.
Yeah.
I'm grateful.
I just--think--what, You weigh a buck, 10.
I did.
She picked me up.
Ok,you did.
All right.
Hey, nona.
Nona.
No--what--what are you-- All right, you made your point.
Put me down.
What, you too cheap To pay for a cab, asshole? Yeah, you just--you're lucky She has me up like this, pal, 'Cause if i was on my feet, It'd be a--what are you-- What are you doing? What? Oh, hello.
Just go away.
He's not worth it.
Come on.
Anytime.
I got my truck over here.
Let's go.
Where you goin'? I thought maybe i was Comin' with you guys.
No.
Don't you have some business To take care of at the hospital? Yeah.
Bye-bye.
I was a firefighter nearly all my life.
So, quarters with other men, Not as close as some of you people, But pretty goddamn close, And we were committed to each other, Because our lives depended upon it.
No matter what the circumstances were, We were there for each other.
And if that's what this ceremony Symbolizes for my son and --and steven, Uh, well, then i'm all for it.
May your commitment to each other Last you until your dying day.
That's i--right over here is me.
Right over there? Yeah.
Ahem.
Ok.
That's great.
Yep.
Thanks.
Yep.
I should, uh--oh, my god.
I didn't realize.
I-- I've gotta-- I'm supposed to be in by 11:00.
Ahem--curfew, and, uh, so i-- Or else what? Um, you know, i don't know, 'Cause i've never really missed-- I've always been on time.
Oh, yeah.
Since we had the baby, You know, that-- Don't wanna freak my mom out, Your mom? Did i say my mom? Yeah.
Oh, my god.
What--hey.
Um, um Um, um Whoa, that's fast.
Uh No, i mean--it's just, you know, Are you wigging out because I carried you out of the fire? No.
I'm not-- 'Cause it's my job.
Well, it's not really your job.
I mean, you're a volunteer.
And that's makin' it harder For you, isn't it? I--i'll be completely Hones with you.
I just think it would be So much more special if we just, You know, waited.
Get out of my truck.
W--no, no.
Really.
Get out of my truck.
I'm--i'm--but i'm serious.
I mean Yeah--are you gay? You're gay.
I'm-- i'm gay.
I'm not gay.
With the guy--yeah, what-- My wife is right up the Oh, good.
Whatever, princess.
Just get out.
I'll call you, But not after 11:00.
I wouldn't Wanna upset your mom.
Thanks.
See ya, sweetie.
Thanks for making the trip,pop.
It means a lot to me.
Aw, me, too.
Than the joint that your mother And i had our reception at.
I'm really glad you didn't book The local v.
f.
w.
I wish mom could have come.
Yeah, me, too.
Uh, leastway I would have had a date.
I've already been hit on twice.
The way you're lookin'these Days,i'm not surprised.
Well She doin' ok? Ah, no better, no worse, You know? She's happy, painting.
You should really try to get To see her a little bit more.
You know, even if she doesn't know Who the hell you are, she-- She just enjoys the company, You know? I know.
It's been crazy Planning the ceremony.
Me and steven will come down After the honeymoon.
We'll make a regular thing of Good.
I love you, son.
Michael.
Michael.
I'm sorry.
She's gone.
Huh? Your mom.
She's passed.
Am i in trouble? Why would you be in trouble? How'd she die? Peacefully, in her sleep.
Peacefully? Yeah.
I'll give you A few moments.
I'm sorry i let you down,mom.
I'm sorry i didn't kill you.
Nice of you to finally come home.
I was at work.
I've been sitting here all By myself with nobody To talk to today.
You called me 6 times.
You know, you could call your Brother or your nephew if you Want someone to talk to.
I can't call them.
Ellie might get to 'em.
She's got ways Of makin' people talk.
Well, then go outside, For christ's sake.
Take a walk.
It's cold as shit, but the fresh Air might do you some good.
I'm not really taking to Open spaces right now.
What i need is a Schedule, you know, Like in the pen.
Yeah, well, Go home to your wife.
You'll get a schedule Up the wazoo.
What? Never! Never mention my wife Again ever, you hear me?! Never bring her name up.
Aw, jesus.
I might have to Go on a killin' spree, Get my ass locked back up again.
Hey, where you going? I was just clearing a couple Of things out of my office.
You're gonna leave Without saying good-bye? No, i wasn't, A stone's throw away.
Hey, look,i, uh- I took care of that Arson shit for you.
Oh.
What'd you do? Well, it was still in The preliminary stages.
Made a phone call, Snatched a file, Punched some keyon the computer, And problem solved.
That's like a thousand-pound Weight off my shoulders.
That's great.
Well, just remember i took Care of you, tom, huh? That's what we do for each other.
That's right.
Yeah.
Speakin' of which, can you Give me a hand with this? I've been tryin' it all morning.
I think the thing is stuck.
Yeah, no wonder you never Became an officer.
Hey, hey, hey.
What? You didn't think you were Gonna get away that easy, Did you? Nice, right? Wow, beautiful.
Yeah, top of the line, chief.
Wow.
You guys shouldn't Have done this.
Aw, you gonna write us up? Maybe i'll let you Slide on this one.
Hey,where's the kid? He's m.
i.
a.
He's probably still At the hospital with his ma.
Hey, uh, i can't wait To try these out.
Tell you what, tomorrow morning, I take you to the indoor range.
You get a feel for them.
This way, when you get down To hilton head in A couple of years, You don't embarrass yourself.
Wow.
Uh, hey, guys, I don't know what to say.
I'm, uh--i'm speechless.
Well, somebody mark The date and time.
Amen.
cheers.
salute.
Thanks.
No, no.
No, no, no.
No, no, Please don't cry.
No, no, no.
No crying.
Come on.
No, no, no.
Please.
Please, no.
Shh.
Shh.
No crying.
Come on, no.
No.
Come on.
oh,please, No.
No, baby, please.
Please.
Come on.
No.
Come on.
Shh, shh, shh.
Shh, baby, Please.
Look, just remember, right, Simple apology's gonna get you nowhere.
An apology followed by you takin' An ass whipping maybe Gonna get your daughter back.
And no phantom punches, All right? Make it look good.
Yeah, like raging bull good.
Yeah, like the mamaluke Of the year.
Raging what? Raging bull.
What's that? A bullfighting movie.
De niro played the bull.
Oh, yeah.
Wasn't, uh, Luke perry in that? Here they come.
It's--i can't determine Whether to use, like, a spatula.
Hey.
Hey.
Dad Look.
I just came down.
I wanted to apologize.
I don't wanna hear Your apology, dad, ok? It's too late for that.
Ok, i know you don't wanna hear it, But you know, I just wanted to say that, You know, i--i probably Went about it the wrong way.
You were way out of line,man.
You don't just come barging in to Somebody's apartment like that.
Look, we were concerned.
We Hadn't seen you in, You know,like, 2 days.
We hadn't heard from you.
Your mother and i,you know-- I could have called the cops.
Instead i decided to come down-- Oh, you could have called The cops? I could have-- I had to get my nose ring fixed.
I could have called the cops.
You had to get Your nose ring fixed? Yeah.
Come on, colleen.
Let me talk to you guys, ok? Talk about what? No, i just wanna-- You wanna talk, Or do you wanna touch? What's goin' on, man? Dad.
I'm--what? What? Just stop it, ok Come over here.
I wanna Talk to him for 2 seconds.
No.
all right.
Well, talk is Different from touch, all right? I'm on probation.
I don't need this.
You're on probation? He's on probation.
You bel for what? What has he-- It's none of your business.
Come on.
Let's go inside.
I think it is my business, ok? You're livin' with my daughter.
All right, so google me, man.
You don't need to talk to me.
Google you? Come here.
I wanna talk to you over here.
You don't have to touch me To talk to me.
I just wanna talk.
Well, just--listen, man.
Stop! Is this what you want? Tony! Please, stop! Huh? You want this? Stop! You're gonna hurt Your hands! Stop! Is this what you wanted?stop! Stop! Stop it! Please, stop! I didn't want to do this.
Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!tony! How does it feel now, huh? Stop it! Stop it, tony! Stop it.
Are your hands ok? Yeah.
Fine.
This is where i live! You can take him out of Here now, all right? You know, he has a gig tonight! Nah, it looked good.
Really, very convincing.
I- You think i wanted this? Huh?is that what you think? You son of a bitch! Shit! Tommy.
Tommy! Tommy! What really happened that night? You know the truth, tommy.
What? You couldn't get it up.
I tried everything.
It's not that funny.
Your limp, lifeless little dick Might actually save your ass.
Ha ha ha! You wanna go play chief, You go play at some other goddamn house.
This is my house.
I make the rules.
You know why she's Marrying you, right? Because i'm a big, strong, Attractive, almost thin guy Who's not afraid to express Himself justice-wise.
No, because you're trapped in here, And she knows that You're not gonna cheat on her.
I got a girl.
Really? She's in a wheelchair.
But she's got the sweetest ass.
Who's the guy? That's my vollie.
That's my lifesaver.
He's the one that pulled me out.
You're datin' the guy Who saved your life? Yeah.
You remember, uh, colleen, My--my oldest.
Ahem.
She, uh Ran away with her scumbag boyfriend.
She's 18 now? Yeah, but--but You gonna help me or what? I can--give me the boyfriend's name.
How you doin', kid? I'm engaged.
You're kiddin'.
Nope.
Who's the lucky girl? Steven, my boyfriend.
I'd like you to sort of be my best man.
I want you to do something for me.
Anything, ma.
Kill me.
We're gonna have to make This kid a serious offer.
Yeah, like what? I don't know.
You know,no--no grunt work.
You want a winning crew's team again, We're all gonna have to pay th Hey, where you goin'? They found colleen.
Faster, nels.
Hey, tom, we're not even Legally on a call, all right? You know you got insurance Investigators breathin' down your neck.
You got headquarters crawlin' up your ass.
You really want more shit On the plate right now? It's my goddamn daughter,lou.
Jesus, tommy.
I didn't think you were bringing The ninth cavalry with you.
Are they here? Yeah, apartment 4f.
This Building here.
You gotta let me know, I don't really have a plan right now.
Hey, garrity,bring that halligan.
Tommy, go easy.
I'm outta here.
Tommy! What? Is there a fire? Excuse me.
Colleen! Excuse me.
What's going on? Colleen! Whoa.
Whoa.
Where is she? You must be mr.
Gavin.
Colleen.
That's mr.
Gavin to you, ok? That's what i just said.
What? Shut up, ok? Colleen.
Daddy? Oh, my god.
Ah, ah.
Blinders.
Blinders.
Blinders.
Yeah, yeah.
Let me tell you somethin'.
Yeah.
This better not go in the-- It's not goin' In the spank bank.
Better not.
I promise.
Right.
Go ahead.
Go put some clothes on.
Let's go.
We're goin'.
Let's go.
What? Come on.
Jesus.
Mr.
Gavin, please.
It's not what it looks like.
Fake baby head? That's the name Of my new band.
Yeah, you can, um, Hit him now.
Wh--please, mr.
Gavin, Just let me just explain, ok? Explain what, how you Kidnapped my daughter? He didn't! You know what? God, dad! Aah! Aah! What?! Dad, this is so embarrassing.
Get your What can i say? She's in love with me.
She's--let me explain Something, ok? She's an 18-year-old Filled with raging Hormones who also happens to be A rock-'n'-roll fanatic,all right? If that couch was the Lead singer in fake baby head, She'd be having sex with it, ok? You follow? Yeah, i do.
All right, good.
Look, i-- Ooh.
Whoa.
You touched me.
Guys, did you just see that? No,no, no.
eyes down.
We got the blinders on.
Ok, look up now, assholes.
Look, sorry.
I was just Trying to get your attention.
Oh, you--you got my attention.
Come here.
Come over re.
Yeah.
Let me ask you something? Does that, uh,nose ring hurt? What? The nose ring.
Does it hurt? No.
No? That's interesting.
Um, How about now? Huh? Let's go.
come on.
Let's go.
No, no,forget tony.
Stop.
No.
Daddy! I'm not going.
Grab her jacket, guys.
Let's go.
Out, out, out, Colleen.
Colleen.
let's go.
Dad, get off of me! Get in the truck.
Stop it! No! Get in the truck.
No! No! I'm not going with You anywhere.
Sto p it.
Stop! Get in the goddamn truck.
No! I'm not going with you! I told your mother i was Bringin' you home.
Let's go.
No! I can't live with Your shit anymore! Ok?there's no screaming or Fighting or drinking here.
Ok, there's a little bit of drinking, but-- But i never wake up to find my Father passed out on the couch.
You don't own me anymore.
I'm legal! And i'm staying here with someone who Loves me and who treats me with respect.
Eat shit and die, Dad.
Go to hell.
Colleen.
You know, you could have come to me And we could have discussed a plan A plan based on common sense, Ok, on how she felt And on how i felt.
But no,as usual,all you could do Was think about how you felt.
You know, at this point, I would think that acting like an animal Would no longer even be an option.
You know, w-when are you gonna get it Through someone in the face Is not going to solve anything? Huh? When? Oh, my god.
Is he asleep? No.
I don't think so.
Shh.
shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
You know what? Keep--keep criticizing me.
I think It's--i think it's workin'.
What? Yeah.
Lay it on me.
It's not like that's gonna be a problem.
I mean,i could go on all day about What a lousy father you are.
That's right.
Hmm? And about how controlling And manipulative you can be.
That's right.
Daddy's very controlling.
Yes, he can.
Ok, you wanna know What you're gonna do? What? You're gonna go back to tony's And you are gonna apologize.
I certainly am not.
No, i'm not.
Tommy, you are going over there To apologize.
i'm not apologizing.
Because that is the only way that We might get our daughter back.
And now, I'm gonna continue to bad-mouth You from this other room here Because the mere sight of Your daddy is making me sick.
And now you, Your daddy is a selfish, Selfish prick.
Mm-hmm.
Yes, he is.
You gotta do Somethin'for me, stu.
I gotta be able to Take that test again.
Jerry, i looked at your file.
Your heart, you got Permanent damage.
I'm in the best goddamn Shape of my life.
Doesn't matter.
Could run a goddamn marathon, But have a heart attack Clipping your toenails.
Plus all that shit in Your lungs from ground zero.
I'm not saying you're Gonna die tomorrow, But i wouldn't be buying Green bananas, you know? Jesus, stu.
I'm kidding, sort of.
Look,the department Can't take the chance.
They give you another Shot at the test You croak during it or on The job later,they're screwed.
Your family could take the City to the goddamn cleaners.
Look, i got some cash.
It's not much, but we could Grease somebody's palm.
You-- Jerry, stop.
Time to hang it up.
I gotta get back, stu.
I got nothin' else.
Ok, let me run something by you.
I got an opening in my department here.
I could use a vet like you.
What, pushin' a pencil? You move paper around,look Busy a couple hours a day.
Jerry, i'm 10 years down here.
Life ain't so bad.
To a desk,huh? Beats bustin' your Hump out on the job.
You don't freeze In the winter.
You don't sweat In the summer.
Take home a nice paycheck, And you got somewhere To go 5 days a week.
And, oh,heh.
You don't burn to death.
Think about it, huh? Hey.
How are you? Good.
Good.
What are ya readin'? Um, article about, Uh,john mccain.
Thinkin' of votin' For him.
Good man.
I think he's the-- He's the way to go in Really? Two thousand--yeah.
I'm-- I'm not done with it yet.
You all right? Yeah, fine.
Why? I don't know.
You just --you look a little, uh, Weary,sleepy, somethin'.
Newborn baby At home.
Hello.
Right.
Yeah.
Of course.
Not to mention, My wife bustin'my balls About that colleen thing Heh heh.
Yeah.
She wants me to Apologize to the stupid prick.
Yeah.
The--the baby? No, no.
You're--of course you're Not talkin' about the baby.
You're--you'r Talkin'about Colleen's Yeah.
Yeah, boyfriend.
Ahem.
Right.
Imagine me goin' and Apologizin' to--pss pss-- That guy? Yeah.
Ii mean Yeah.
I mean, i can Imagine it.
You know,i think you were a little --i'm gonna stop talking now.
What are you-- What are you watchin'? It's a--pfft.
It's a gay guy sellin' Revitalizin'skin cream.
Is that like a soap? No, it's like a --you know,face cream.
So gay, you know?like Yeah.
i mean,you want Cream on your face, Right,blow your boyfriend.
Ha ha ha ha! Hey, you know what? Mikey uses that stuff.
I've seen it.
This stuff? Yeah.
He's got it.
Here? Yeah.
I've seen it in his locker.
He puts it on before And after every shift.
Pussy.
Yeah.
We should bust his balls about that.
Yeah.
No, definitely.
Jesus.
Look like a hag.
Hey.
What're you doing? Oh, i was For some, uh, Toothpaste, and Good morning, gents.
This rolled onto the floor.
What're you doing with My reading glasses? Uh, they--they were on The floor with this cream.
Hey, listen.
Garrity said Janet wants you to apologize to That little prick jagger so you Can get colleen back.
Yeah.
You believe that shit? I mean, apologies don't mean Shit to a--to a teenage girl, All right? You gotta take a Beating if you wanna win her back.
What do you mean, like "take a beating" take a beating? "take a beating" Take a beating? Gonna have to go over there.
You're gonna have to mix It up again with him, But this time, You do You gotta get him so pissed At you that he really really, Really just wants to kill you.
You know, so just be yourself.
And then you take the beating Like the little bitch that you are.
Daddy's little girl Kneels by your side, Tears.
all of a sudden, He's the shitheel.
You're the victim.
Get a little Of that sympathy goin' your way.
I don't know if i can Do that, lou.
I just-- Aw, you can do it.
You do it for colleen.
I'll go with you.
don't worry About it.
it'll be fun.
Oh, yeah.
Hey, mary kay, What are you doin'? Oh, i--i just --i got this new stuff.
It's a skin moisturizer for men.
It's got all, like,these Vitamins and nutriments in it.
Yeah.
It's also A breath freshener.
Right.
i saw it on Oprah a couple weeks ago.
Really? Yeah.
It's, Like--not only moisturizes, But it's like,antiwr antiwrinkle, Like,reduces pores And fine lines and, Like--oh, it covers Blemishes and acne scars,too.
You want to try it? Yeah, hold on just a second.
Yeah, yeah.
Just as i thought.
Balls.
No, thanks.
Hey, kid, that Stuff really work? Uh, yeah.
You want some? Yeah.
I'll just put a little Bit under my eyes, maybe.
Oh, it's great for that.
It lightens up dark circles.
Oh, really? Yeah.
I saw some thing about that On the home shopping network.
Oh, yeah.
Just like this? Uh-huh.
Put--put a Little around your mouth.
It's, like, Great for frown lines.
What are you sayin'? Well, you--you do Frown a lot, tommy.
Jesus christ i look like Walter matthau, jr.
This is really nice, like, Me being able to help You out,you know? Yeah.
Heh heh.
You got more of this shit? Yeah.
I mean, i-- I can get more.
Does it come in, like, One big tub instead of No, just--just Those little tubes.
Oh, ok.
You know, tom.
heh.
It's just nice, like, Talking,you know? Like, maybe we can Go out and grab, like, Dinner sometime or somethin', You know,talk some more.
Talk about what? Stuff that's going on at home Stuff.
You know, Like my mom's been really Sick lately,you know, Gettin' worse.
I thought she was Gettin' better.
No.
Ooh.
Stuff's got, like, A real, like, uh, Cooling action goin' on.
She's gettin' worse, tommy.
You know, It worries me, And it sucks i don't have Anybody to talk to about it.
That's why i'm sayin' maybe We can go grab somethin'.
No.
Yeah.
Hi.
You ready For our big date? Oh, the big date.
When's that? Tomorrow night.
I will pick you up.
You know what? Can't do it.
Um, somethin' came up.
What came up? Death.
Death? Yeah, yeah.
Uh, The probie's mom died.
Well,she's not dead.
She's, like--she's, You know,kind of On he--death's door.
You know, She's--i don't think She's gonna make it Through the night, Bullshit.
It's not bullshit.
I got the guy right here.
You want me--you want me To put on the phone? Yeah.
Put him on the phone.
I-- I can't put him on the phone.
The poor guy's grief-stricken.
How you doin',mike? I'm fine.
He sounds ok to me.
Yeah, well, you know, He's in one of those stages.
You know,they have the It's grieving,d-denial, burial.
He's in the denial phase.
All right, so you guys are You going to the hospital We've been to the hospital The last 3 nights, And the food sucks there so I'm takin' him out you know, Throwin' some good food Into him so he can,you know Get ready to be an orphan in The next 48 hours or so.
So where you guys going? Where we going? I'll tell you Where we're goin'.
We're goin'to,uh, frank's.
Angelo and maxie's.
Frank angelo and maxie's.
It's a new place.
Look, nona, You're an attractive girl.
I like you, ok? Yeah, whatever.
When are we going out? It's just a scheduling problem, You know.
I mean, sh--look.
Truthfully i don't think this Broad's gonna make it through, You know, the rest of the week, So--you know, unless she lingers And goes into a coma or somethin'.
But that's not a problem for me, Cause i date during comas.
Actually been on a Couple dates with people who Were in comas while we were On the dates, i think.
Hello? Nona? That was rude.
So we're on, then? No.
Aw, come on, tom.
I mean, It's just--you know, You know what? One hour, No appetizers, no drinks beforehand, And you're paying for everything.
Yeah.
No.
Jesus christ.
Aah! Jesus christ, Where ya been? I been waiting Here for, like, hours.
You got nothin' to eat Or drink in the whole place.
How did youget in here? I used to be a fireman,lenny, Not to mention a criminal mastermind.
You bust in my window? I'll fix it later.
I'm just not really Comfortable with being outside.
I went right from Living in a firehouse To living in the big house.
Teddy Mmm.
Mushroom.
Good choice.
Teddy, what the hell Are you doin' here? Remember how you told me Ellie would lose interest in me When i got sprung? Well,it didn't work out That way,my friend.
I had to ditch her Downtown in a coffee shop.
I been on the run ever since.
Hey, i never took you for A light beer drinker.
He called me a couple hours Ago looking for you.
Ellie called you? What'd you tell her? That i hadn't seen or Heard from you.
Oh, good man.
I called my brother.
He says she's been calling Over there every half-hour.
It's like a gigantic net of Need has blanketed the city! You gotta hide me.
Oh.
You know, teddy, My place is kinda small.
Oh, come on.
You're the one who Said she'd bail on me.
You owe me.
Fine.
Oh, hey, i would tell You to make yourself at home, But it seems like you Already did that.
You're payin' For the window.
Jesus, lou.
Look at The size of that one.
You know, at what point do You make the turn from wanting A little definition to Becoming the incredible Hulk with tits? Aw, no, no, no Take a closer look.
These chicks don't Have tits anymore.
Jesus.
Could you imagine having Sex with one of those girls? Aw, man.
please.
The word "sex"just makes me want To crawl into a hole and die.
Why? The nun still Goin'full steam? Gentlemen, if you ever get The chance to become Romantically involved with A nun, brace yourself.
All those years she was Saving herself for the lord, Not indulging in fornication, Well, when that dam breaks, It breaks in a big way.
It's like a tsunami, Only instead of water, You get hit with sex --exotic positions,rubbing, Touching,sucking, probing.
The tsunami speech again? I mean, the wave Just keeps coming Destroying everything in its path.
What i wouldn't give for Well, why don't you Just tell her you Wanna take a break From the sex thing? That's what i'm doing.
Uh, no, mikey.
What you're doing is Called not getting laid.
No.
It's a conscious Choice,frank.
I'm celibate.
So, um, no pussy whatsoever? Nope.
And no more with the cocks And the balls and the hairy Asses and all that? No, none of it.
Yeah, but you're still Pullin' pud, right? Are you kiddin'? I'm forming calluses.
Attaboy.
So, uh, How long is this no sex Experiment supposed to last,anyway? Until my cock resets.
Or he cuts off his Hands in shop class.
You know, I could help you out, mikey.
I got a giant box of maggie's porn.
I can let you borrow Some if you need help, You know, raisin' the flag.
Aw, jeez, sean.
i mean, I may kind of been with a guy, But i'm not such a homo that I can't pop wood at will.
It's--not poppin' wood at Will doesn't mean, you know, You're a homo.
It just means, You, you know might have a, You know, emotional blockage You know, temporary kind of Mmm.
Like being a homo.
Man Oh, my god Look at this one.
Oh.
Jeez.
You know, tommy, If you ever got the balls up to Ask out that vollie, this is What she may look like Underneath that uniform.
First of all, i did ask out The vollie.
I'm takin' her out.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I am.
And i'lltell You somethin' else.
She's not--my chick Is like 110 pounds.
She's all woman.
Yeah.
Well, she pulled your Sorry ass out of a fire.
Allegedly.
Maybe she's juicin'.
Juice--the only juice She's juicin' is Cranberry juice.
Tommy, maybe You wanna go upstairs Take a little nappy nap.
Yeah.
I think i will.
Hey, tommy, um, you gonna Pick me up tomorrow night, Or should i come by and get you? No, hold on here hold on here.
You wanna share this with The rest of the class, please? Yeah.
No.
Hey, chief.
Hey, guys.
come on in the kitchen.
I got somethin' I wanna talk to you about.
This is such a good idea.
Stick around.
I'm full of 'em.
I'll bet you are.
Know what i like about you? No.
You're not like the Cuginettes on long island.
You got class.
I mean it.
Yeah, well, i have found That after you nearly die You start takin',like, a little Personal inventory,you know? I mean,i got a second Chance 'cause of you And i wanna do something with it I wanna be a better person.
I wanna, Y set a better example for my son Or somethin' like that.
Ohh! You ok? Heh heh.
Yeah.
Heh heh.
My tootsies are cold.
Can we take a break? Yeah.
Yeah? Come on.
Let's go.
So that's it? Yeah, pretty much.
5 days A week down at headquarters.
Put away a couple of bucks.
Maybe move down to hilton head And spend the rest of my days Workin' on my handicap.
It's a golf reference.
Any questions? Reactions? Just such a shock.
Yeah, there's nobody more Shocked than me, tom.
I'm ok with it now, Though.
You know, It's not like my life was A piece of cake Around here,anyway.
Nothing changes, Nothing changes.
Yeah, but you at least Gotta let us throw you A retirement shindig, chief.
No, no, no.
I'm not retiring.
I'm still be around in Case you guys need me.
Well, let us at least buy you A couple drinks after the shift.
Yeah.
Nah, I don't want a big to-do About this, you know? The less ceremony the better.
Plus,i gotta drive up to boston For pete's commitment Ceremony tomorrow.
Oh, that's right.
You're the father of the bride.
You nervous? A little bit.
I want him to feel Like i accepted him.
Have you? Nah, but i want him To think i do.
Yeah, well, then you gotta Try to assimilate, chief, You know, dress the part.
Assimilate? You remember the birthday party Peter threw a couple years ago? We stood out like a couple of big sore, Heterosexual thumbs.
I mean, not sean And mike so much but you know, The real men on the crew.
I got a new suit.
Nice,navy blue, single-breasted.
Nah, that's not gonna Get you anywhere, chief.
You gotta show a Little bit more flair, Be flamboyant, you know, Let your freak flag fly.
I-- I think i'll stick with what i got.
But your collective shitty advice Is greatly appreciated as always.
All right, boys, I'm--go upstairs for bed.
Night, chief.
Anytime, chief.
You, uh, heard from Your lawyer yet? No.
Soon, though.
Think tommy'll Have to go to jail? I don't know.
I --i don't think so.
I mean, i hope not.
I don't--the whole thing's Such a goddamn mess.
You love him, don't you? It's ok.
It's just, you know, Hard not to notice.
Every time I bring his name up, it's like, You know, somethin' gets lit.
Yeah, well, you happen to Bring up his name a lot, so Well, that's because he's Like a legend at our house, You know.
Everybody tells Stories about his saves.
Yeah, he's a real heroic Son of a bitch.
So, you love him, right? Maybe, but It's like The bad kind of love.
Well, i guess, uh, Bad love's better than No love at all,right? You are so cute.
Heh heh.
You are so cute.
Hey, uh Hey.
So you all right with this? Yeah.
Ready to move on, tom.
Yeah? Mmm.
So you're, uh-- You're readyto be a, uh Pencil pusher? Pfft.
I was gonna Say desk jockey.
Ah.
Listen, uh I hate to do this But i gotta ask you a favor.
Sure.
For you, tom, anything.
Right.
I think the insurance Company's gonna drop these charges But, uh, i'm gettin' Wind that somebody down At headquarters is Gonna start sniffin' around.
Could be a real pain In the ass for me.
I'll look into it.
That'd be great.
Thanks, chief.
Yeah, you mean jerry.
The chief's upstairs In my office.
Yeah, whatever.
I meant what i said.
Maybe bowling wasn't The best idea, huh? It's better than paintball.
They're havin' a great time.
Yeah.
We've been here for, Like, an hour and a half, and We're still on the third frame.
Well, think of it as more Time we get to spend together.
Cute couple, huh? Wh-what are you doin', babe? I'm giving you an Invitation to kiss me.
Hey, good effort, barbara.
Nice one.
What is it with you? What?i don't know.
You used to be all over me, And now anytime I try to get close to you Or i wanna spend some time Alone with you, Yo some excuse, or you insist We bring richie along.
I'm just--you know, i'm Trying to spend time with him, Be a part of his life, Be a good guy.
Yeah, i know.
It--it's sweet, But it's just You seem a little More concerned about him Than you do about me.
Well, he's retarded.
About us.
What about us? We're fine.
Well, i'm not fine.
I'm tired of living with 2 Retarded people--one mentally, The other emotionally I mean, do you-- Do you put any thought at All into this relationship? More than you know.
So tell me.
I--i can't right now.
You can't.
Look, nat, you know, We only got 30 minutes left.
I'm trying to break a hundred.
Can we maybe talk after? I'll tell you what.
Let's not talk at all.
Let's just go about our lives Like nothing is wrong and Let things fester until we Completely destroy the relationship.
Is that a real option? Nat.
Natalie, i was joking.
You go, franco.
The steak fry it's really good, And they also have Like,this killer, Like cheesy pasta thing It's like-- Whatever.
Ok, what's up? What's up? What? Well, um I know.
You wanna--you wanna Talk about your mom.
What's--what's --what's the deal? She--she's like, you know-- Yeah, i know.
I know.
She was bad.
Now she's worse.
She's Probably in a shitload of pain, Blah, blah, blah.
Come on, kid.
What's the deal? You got 58 minutes left.
What? Well, she--she-- She asked me to kill her.
Shit.
Yeah.
Wow.
I know.
Sorry, kid.
How? I don't know.
You know, i was thinkin' of, Like, maybe, like, Takin' a pillow and-- What, and smother her? No? No.
You can't do that.
Way too much work.
You got the strugglin' And arms flailin', Not to mention The muffled screams.
Nurse walks in.
No.
can't do that.
That's a tough one, kid.
I don't know.
You--hey, hey, hey.
I swear to god.
You start cryin', And i'm outta here.
Stop.
Christ.
It's my mom, you know.
I know.
I know.
Listen.
listen.
Stop.
Stop.
Listen to me.
Mikey,listen.
It's your-- It's your mom.
It's the woman who brought You into this world.
Listen to me And it's her dying request, So you--you have to honor it, What--what she asks.
What,they probably got her on, Like,a morphine drip right? So the easiest thing to do is To just increase the amount, Like 3 or 4 times What she's already gettin', And that way, She basically overdoses, But she'll nev--she'll die In her sleep, basically.
Jeez, tom, i--i don't know.
Listen to me.
You gotta do this, ok? It's the la she Asked you for.
You owe it to her.
You suck it up.
Let her die with some dignity.
All right? All right, stop.
Stop, opst, Stop.
Come on.
You all right? Hey, Is thia isgay place? Huh? Let go of me.
Let go of me.
Ahem.
Why is it all guys in here? It's not all guys.
Mostly guys.
It's probably The "mandate" thing.
The what? I--i read about this place In new york magazine.
It's like this new fad.
It's called mandating.
It's like, ahem, When guys go out to dinner and-- And they talk about things and-- And--but they don't talk about, Like, you know, cars and sports And stuff like that.
That's why there's No tvs in here.
Yeah, or pussy.
We can call it "bromancing" If it makes you feel better.
Let me tell you something.
You ask a guy out To a place like this, You gotta give him a Heads-up about what's goin' on.
Tom.
Take your hand off my hand.
Take your hand off my hand.
It's not a date thing.
Take your hand off my hand.
Comon, tommy.
Ieed you, man.
What are you lookin' at? Oh, n-nothin'.
I was-- I was lookin' at the wine rack.
You wanna take This shit outside? No.
It's cold outside I don't wanna-- Hey.
My date's here.
Surprise.
Hi.
Hi.
That's my, uh Woman date.
Are you guys ready To order yet? I don't--i think we're gonna go.
Go.
Come on, let's go.
What house of homos in here.
So is it really true that you Carried tommy out of that Beach house fire? Yep.
And you didn't even have Any help or anything? Nope.
You know, with The adrenaline pumping and Everything, i could've carried Out jennifer hudson, Olding her oscar and a sandwich.
Let me just get this straight.
So, it was a drag And carry, right? No.
i mean, Like you dragged me From the living room to the-- To the door, and then you Carried me-- No.
I picked you up, i Threw you over my shoulder, And i carried your ass to safety.
You should be grateful.
I--i--you know.
You should be grateful.
Yeah.
I'm grateful.
I just--think--what, You weigh a buck, 10.
I did.
She picked me up.
Ok,you did.
All right.
Hey, nona.
Nona.
No--what--what are you-- All right, you made your point.
Put me down.
What, you too cheap To pay for a cab, asshole? Yeah, you just--you're lucky She has me up like this, pal, 'Cause if i was on my feet, It'd be a--what are you-- What are you doing? What? Oh, hello.
Just go away.
He's not worth it.
Come on.
Anytime.
I got my truck over here.
Let's go.
Where you goin'? I thought maybe i was Comin' with you guys.
No.
Don't you have some business To take care of at the hospital? Yeah.
Bye-bye.
I was a firefighter nearly all my life.
So, quarters with other men, Not as close as some of you people, But pretty goddamn close, And we were committed to each other, Because our lives depended upon it.
No matter what the circumstances were, We were there for each other.
And if that's what this ceremony Symbolizes for my son and --and steven, Uh, well, then i'm all for it.
May your commitment to each other Last you until your dying day.
That's i--right over here is me.
Right over there? Yeah.
Ahem.
Ok.
That's great.
Yep.
Thanks.
Yep.
I should, uh--oh, my god.
I didn't realize.
I-- I've gotta-- I'm supposed to be in by 11:00.
Ahem--curfew, and, uh, so i-- Or else what? Um, you know, i don't know, 'Cause i've never really missed-- I've always been on time.
Oh, yeah.
Since we had the baby, You know, that-- Don't wanna freak my mom out, Your mom? Did i say my mom? Yeah.
Oh, my god.
What--hey.
Um, um Um, um Whoa, that's fast.
Uh No, i mean--it's just, you know, Are you wigging out because I carried you out of the fire? No.
I'm not-- 'Cause it's my job.
Well, it's not really your job.
I mean, you're a volunteer.
And that's makin' it harder For you, isn't it? I--i'll be completely Hones with you.
I just think it would be So much more special if we just, You know, waited.
Get out of my truck.
W--no, no.
Really.
Get out of my truck.
I'm--i'm--but i'm serious.
I mean Yeah--are you gay? You're gay.
I'm-- i'm gay.
I'm not gay.
With the guy--yeah, what-- My wife is right up the Oh, good.
Whatever, princess.
Just get out.
I'll call you, But not after 11:00.
I wouldn't Wanna upset your mom.
Thanks.
See ya, sweetie.
Thanks for making the trip,pop.
It means a lot to me.
Aw, me, too.
Than the joint that your mother And i had our reception at.
I'm really glad you didn't book The local v.
f.
w.
I wish mom could have come.
Yeah, me, too.
Uh, leastway I would have had a date.
I've already been hit on twice.
The way you're lookin'these Days,i'm not surprised.
Well She doin' ok? Ah, no better, no worse, You know? She's happy, painting.
You should really try to get To see her a little bit more.
You know, even if she doesn't know Who the hell you are, she-- She just enjoys the company, You know? I know.
It's been crazy Planning the ceremony.
Me and steven will come down After the honeymoon.
We'll make a regular thing of Good.
I love you, son.
Michael.
Michael.
I'm sorry.
She's gone.
Huh? Your mom.
She's passed.
Am i in trouble? Why would you be in trouble? How'd she die? Peacefully, in her sleep.
Peacefully? Yeah.
I'll give you A few moments.
I'm sorry i let you down,mom.
I'm sorry i didn't kill you.
Nice of you to finally come home.
I was at work.
I've been sitting here all By myself with nobody To talk to today.
You called me 6 times.
You know, you could call your Brother or your nephew if you Want someone to talk to.
I can't call them.
Ellie might get to 'em.
She's got ways Of makin' people talk.
Well, then go outside, For christ's sake.
Take a walk.
It's cold as shit, but the fresh Air might do you some good.
I'm not really taking to Open spaces right now.
What i need is a Schedule, you know, Like in the pen.
Yeah, well, Go home to your wife.
You'll get a schedule Up the wazoo.
What? Never! Never mention my wife Again ever, you hear me?! Never bring her name up.
Aw, jesus.
I might have to Go on a killin' spree, Get my ass locked back up again.
Hey, where you going? I was just clearing a couple Of things out of my office.
You're gonna leave Without saying good-bye? No, i wasn't, A stone's throw away.
Hey, look,i, uh- I took care of that Arson shit for you.
Oh.
What'd you do? Well, it was still in The preliminary stages.
Made a phone call, Snatched a file, Punched some keyon the computer, And problem solved.
That's like a thousand-pound Weight off my shoulders.
That's great.
Well, just remember i took Care of you, tom, huh? That's what we do for each other.
That's right.
Yeah.
Speakin' of which, can you Give me a hand with this? I've been tryin' it all morning.
I think the thing is stuck.
Yeah, no wonder you never Became an officer.
Hey, hey, hey.
What? You didn't think you were Gonna get away that easy, Did you? Nice, right? Wow, beautiful.
Yeah, top of the line, chief.
Wow.
You guys shouldn't Have done this.
Aw, you gonna write us up? Maybe i'll let you Slide on this one.
Hey,where's the kid? He's m.
i.
a.
He's probably still At the hospital with his ma.
Hey, uh, i can't wait To try these out.
Tell you what, tomorrow morning, I take you to the indoor range.
You get a feel for them.
This way, when you get down To hilton head in A couple of years, You don't embarrass yourself.
Wow.
Uh, hey, guys, I don't know what to say.
I'm, uh--i'm speechless.
Well, somebody mark The date and time.
Amen.
cheers.
salute.
Thanks.
No, no.
No, no, no.
No, no, Please don't cry.
No, no, no.
No crying.
Come on.
No, no, no.
Please.
Please, no.
Shh.
Shh.
No crying.
Come on, no.
No.
Come on.
oh,please, No.
No, baby, please.
Please.
Come on.
No.
Come on.
Shh, shh, shh.
Shh, baby, Please.
Look, just remember, right, Simple apology's gonna get you nowhere.
An apology followed by you takin' An ass whipping maybe Gonna get your daughter back.
And no phantom punches, All right? Make it look good.
Yeah, like raging bull good.
Yeah, like the mamaluke Of the year.
Raging what? Raging bull.
What's that? A bullfighting movie.
De niro played the bull.
Oh, yeah.
Wasn't, uh, Luke perry in that? Here they come.
It's--i can't determine Whether to use, like, a spatula.
Hey.
Hey.
Dad Look.
I just came down.
I wanted to apologize.
I don't wanna hear Your apology, dad, ok? It's too late for that.
Ok, i know you don't wanna hear it, But you know, I just wanted to say that, You know, i--i probably Went about it the wrong way.
You were way out of line,man.
You don't just come barging in to Somebody's apartment like that.
Look, we were concerned.
We Hadn't seen you in, You know,like, 2 days.
We hadn't heard from you.
Your mother and i,you know-- I could have called the cops.
Instead i decided to come down-- Oh, you could have called The cops? I could have-- I had to get my nose ring fixed.
I could have called the cops.
You had to get Your nose ring fixed? Yeah.
Come on, colleen.
Let me talk to you guys, ok? Talk about what? No, i just wanna-- You wanna talk, Or do you wanna touch? What's goin' on, man? Dad.
I'm--what? What? Just stop it, ok Come over here.
I wanna Talk to him for 2 seconds.
No.
all right.
Well, talk is Different from touch, all right? I'm on probation.
I don't need this.
You're on probation? He's on probation.
You bel for what? What has he-- It's none of your business.
Come on.
Let's go inside.
I think it is my business, ok? You're livin' with my daughter.
All right, so google me, man.
You don't need to talk to me.
Google you? Come here.
I wanna talk to you over here.
You don't have to touch me To talk to me.
I just wanna talk.
Well, just--listen, man.
Stop! Is this what you want? Tony! Please, stop! Huh? You want this? Stop! You're gonna hurt Your hands! Stop! Is this what you wanted?stop! Stop! Stop it! Please, stop! I didn't want to do this.
Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!tony! How does it feel now, huh? Stop it! Stop it, tony! Stop it.
Are your hands ok? Yeah.
Fine.
This is where i live! You can take him out of Here now, all right? You know, he has a gig tonight! Nah, it looked good.
Really, very convincing.