The Brady Bunch (1969) s04e03 Episode Script

1
Here's the story
Of a lovely lady
Who was bringing up
Three very lovely girls
All of them had hair of gold ♪
Like their mother
The youngest one in curls ♪
It's the story of a man named Brady ♪
Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪
They were four men living all together ♪
Yet they were all alone ♪
Till the one day
when the lady met this fellow ♪
And they knew that it was
much more than a hunch ♪
That this group
must somehow form a family ♪
That's the way we all
became the Brady Bunch ♪
The Brady Bunch
The Brady Bunch
That's the way
we became the Brady Bunch. ♪
We've been all over
these burial grounds.
There's nobody here.
Well, someone must
have lit these torches.
Let's keep looking.
NARRATOR: The Brady boys
never thought their vacation in Hawaii
would end up in an ancient burial cave.
The family goes to Hawaii with Mike
while he works on a job for his firm.
At the construction site,
Bobby and Peter find a small idol.
They're unaware that according
to ancient Polynesian belief
the idol is an evil taboo
bringing bad luck to all who touch it.
First Bobby is almost hit
by a heavy wall decoration
while he wears the idol around his neck.
Then Greg is wearing the idol
when he has a terrible wipe out
while surfing.
And when Peter is wearing it,
he has an unwelcome visitor in the night.
Then the boys learn
about the ancient taboo
from an old Hawaiian gentleman.
He tells them that the evil
curse can only be broken
by returning the idol
to the ancient burial ground
of the island kings.
The boys are unaware
that they're being shadowed
by a mysterious stranger.
GREG: Hey!
Anybody here?
Boy, it's spooky in here.
Hmm, that's it.
( Cackles evilly )
Scare them out of here.
( Rock tumbling and clattering )
What was that?
One of us probably just kicked a rock.
But we're just standing here.
Oh, you guys and your imagination.
( Hinge creaking )
That wasn't my imagination.
My imagination doesn't creak.
Okay, okay, so something creaked.
What could creak in here?
Dead bones could creak.
( Sighs ) Oh, I can feel
it in my bones, Alice.
Something's wrong.
Oh, I'll bet they'll be home any minute.
You know those guys.
When they're having fun,
they forget about everything.
Not dinner.
Oh, Mike, did you find the bus driver?
Yeah. He remembers the
boys getting off the bus,
but he doesn't remember exactly where.
Maybe we ought to call the police.
Tell them what, honey?
The boys are a little late?
He's right, Mrs. Brady.
It's like I said before
they forget about everything
when they're having fun.
Dead end.
Just say, "end."
Don't say "dead."
I'm with him.
Oh Oliver,
Oliver, how could I
have been so careless?
I I should have covered
the entrance to the cave better.
Those children are gonna
ruin everything.
I've got to get rid of them, hmm.
Will you guys come on?
We're gonna be in a lot of
trouble with Mom and Dad.
Yeah, we shouldn't have done this.
You're both just scared.
Why don't you admit it?
I'm not scared.
I'm not scared!
Okay.
You stay here while I go look down there.
I'm scared!
We admit it!
( Chuckling )
Did you hear that, Oliver?
I really did frighten them.
Now to finish the job.
I think that we should tell
Mom and Dad where they went.
Jan's right.
We should tell them.
But we gave our promise
that we wouldn't.
I say we wait a little longer.
Another dead end.
I tell you, there's nobody here.
( Man groaning )
Did you hear that?
Yeah, I heard it.
If that's nobody, I don't want to meet him.
( Groaning grows louder )
I'm getting out of here!
I'm with you.
GREG: Hold up, you guys!
Don't panic.
All right, we know someone's in here,
so come out, whoever you are.
( Hinge creaks )
( Creaking )
( Yelling )
( Yelling and groaning continuously )
( Continues yelling )
( Yelling stops )
Darn it, they went the wrong way.
Well, Oliver, if I can't
get rid of them one way,
I'll get rid of them another.
All right!
I tried to frighten you,
but you wouldn't go.
Now, come on out!
I've got you trapped!
Why didn't you tell us this before?
MARCIA: Well, because
we promised the boys
that we wouldn't.
Oh, honey, you know better than that.
You don't keep a promise like that
if you know it might hurt someone.
Where'd they go?
We don't know.
But the boys did say that
they were gonna take the idol
back to some old burial ground.
Well, didn't they say where it was?
No, but old Mr. Hanalei
told them about it.
MARCIA: He works for the
construction company, Dad.
Well, I think we'd better have
a talk with Mr. Hanalei.
Right.
Well, this is definitely a fly
in the ointment, Oliver.
A sticky wicket.
What are we gonna do
with these boys, Oliver?
He keeps calling that thing "Oliver."
When you've been alone
as long as I have,
you need companionship,
someone to talk to.
Well, sure, everybody needs a friend.
Yeah, but the point is,
what are you doing here?
Nobody knows about this cave but me.
We just stumbled onto it.
Honest, we came to the burial ground
to bring back the little idol.
Idol? What idol?
In Greg's pocket.
Which one is Greg?
The big one.
Oh, it's beautiful.
Oh, it's exquisite.
It's a, it's a most important
archeological find!
Oh, you naughty, naughty boys.
You didn't bring this here.
You found it while you've
been here in this cave.
No, we didn't. We found
that back in Honolulu.
Don't lie to me.
You found a find that I didn't find.
Honest, mister, we didn't find
a found that you didn't find.
Stubborn, aren't you, huh?
Well, I can wait.
I can wait a long, long time
because you're gonna never leave here
until you tell me the truth.
I did nothing wrong.
We're not blaming anybody, Mr. Hanalei.
You just tell us where our boys went.
I did nothing wrong.
Please, Mr. Hanalei.
They boys are lost.
They haven't come back.
They did not come back?
No. Won't you please help us?
That is bad.
I will tell you what I told them.
Boy, those beans sure look good.
Well, all you have to do is
spill the beans and they're yours.
Mister, we're telling you
the truth about the idol.
That's right, Mr., uh
Not mister Professor.
Professor Hubert Whitehead.
You're a professor?
Mm, professor of archaeology.
Archaeology that's about
digging up ruins, isn't it?
Ruins and bones and mummies,
other fun things.
( Chuckling )
I don't suppose any of you
have ever heard of me, huh?
No, I don't think we have.
No, nobody has, that's my problem.
You know, I remember once
when I was digging along the Nile
( chuckling ) with
Caruthers the wretched chap.
Caruthers, I never could stand him.
He was always winning
you know what I mean?
Oh, I know a guy like that.
Well, we were searching for
the lost tomb of a pharaoh,
and we almost had it narrowed
down to the exact spot
when Caruthers suggested
that I search one way
while he searched another.
What happened?
Caruthers found the tomb.
And you?
Oh, I got lost, hmm.
Uh, that's tough luck, Professor.
Is that what you're doing here now?
Looking for stuff for a museum?
Museums?
( Scoffs )
I've turned my back
on the academic world.
There are treasures buried in this cave
that are worth a fortune, a fortune,
and they're mine, all mine.
You mean you're gonna steal it?
Please, I prefer to think of it
as proper compensation
for past injustices.
That's why you're going to tell me
where you found that idol
because wherever it was,
there's bound to be more.
We already told you back in Honolulu!
I want the truth!
Hmm.
You're somebody's children, aren't you?
Yep.
And we'd like to keep it that way.
Precisely why you're going to tell me
where you found that idol.
Now, you think about it
while I go reheat my beans.
That guy's a real ding-a-ling.
Yeah. We gotta get out of here.
Don't worry.
When he tied us up, I kept
some slack in my rope.
Should be out of this in a minute.
Honey, are you sure
this is the right place?
From what Mr. Hanalei said, it has to be.
Oh, it's not gonna be easy
to find them in here at night.
No, but we're gonna find them, come on.
Don't make a sound.
Thought you could get away
from the old professor, didn't you?
Didn't you?!
( Cackling )
Very naughty of you trying to run away.
We're sorry, Professor.
Yeah, we just lost our heads.
Shh! Don't give him any ideas.
This foolishness has got to stop.
Either you tell me
where you found that idol,
or I'm going to take what treasure I can
and leave you tied here
in this cave and go.
Now start talking.
I have something to tell you, Professor.
What?
Your beans are burning.
Oh, good heavens.
I had to get rid of him for a minute
so we can figure out what to do.
We told him the truth.
He won't believe us.
Yeah, we found the idol in Honolulu.
This time we'll lie.
We gotta stall for time.
What good will that do?
The girls know where we are, right?
They'll tell Mom and Dad,
and they'll come and get us.
But you made the girls
promise to keep a secret.
That's the point.
Those blabbermouths
never keep a secret.
Boy, I hope you're right.
Now we'll stall for time.
And even if Mom and Dad don't come,
something else might happen.
I can think of lots of things
that could happen.
Me, too.
And I don't like any of them.
Honey, look.
What is it?
That's popcorn,
and it leads away from here
just like a trail.
Oh, and Bobby's always eating popcorn.
That's right. I'm sure it's a trail.
Come on, honey, we're gonna find them.
Professor?
A word of thanks.
You saved my beans, boy.
Oh. Well, good.
Now, let's get on with it.
Are you prepared to tell me
where you found that idol
the precise spot in this cave?
That's the trouble
we don't remember exactly.
You see, we found it while
you were trying to scare us away.
Shall we believe him, Oliver?
BOBBY: Believe us,
Oliver, believe us.
If you untie us, Professor,
we're sure we can help you
find the exact spot.
All right.
All right, I'll untie you.
But don't try to run away,
because if you do
We get the point.
Hey
there's some more popcorn, honey.
Oh, maybe it's not Bobby's.
Maybe it's been there for days.
No, no, with all the birds around here,
not a chance. Come on, honey, let's go.
I thought you knew exactly
where you found it.
Well, I didn't mean
exactly exactly, Professor.
I meant exactly in the exact location,
not the exact spot
in the exact location exactly.
Understand?
Exactly.
You do?
Well, I mean, I now believe
that you found the idol in Honolulu.
So there's only one thing to do.
Let us go?
Wrong.
I have no choice.
Do we have a choice?
No. I'm gonna tie you up again
and get out with my treasures.
All right, now, move, move, move,
move, move, move!
Move!
All right, over there, over there.
Hey, this isn't my tiki.
That's my tiki.
( Fussing )
Get over that end.
Oh, for goodness' sake, take any tiki!
Ugh!
Mike, this must be the burial ground.
Carol, look.
I'm sorry if I frightened you, boys.
I never really meant to hurt you.
When I get into town,
I'll send someone back to let you go.
Would you like some beans?
BOBBY: Mom!
PETER: Dad!
GREG: Over here!
Oh, boys, are you all right?
GREG: Yeah, we're glad you're here.
Oh, now everybody knows
about my secret cave.
It's become a tourist attraction.
Listen, I don't know
who you are or what you're doing,
but you've got a lot of explaining to do.
Yes, I suppose I do owe you that.
So, let me say once again
how sorry I am
that I frightened your boys, Mr. Brady.
All I ever really wanted
was a place of my own
in the academic world
and now I've sunk to crime.
I'm an archeological dropout.
Professor, you didn't really think
you'd get away with stealing
all these treasures, did you?
Well, one has hopes.
What if you reported the cave
and the treasures
to the state of Hawaii?
Well, I've thought about that
but somehow, some way,
somebody else would get the credit for it.
Well, not if you had five witnesses
who would swear that you found it.
Five witnesses?
Me, my boys and my wife.
Then I'd be assured of reporting
a major archeological find.
Right!
You'd do that for me?
Sure.
I'd be famous.
Oh, Oliver!
Oliver, did you hear that?
I've done it.
I've made
a discovery of my very own
me, Oliver, me.
Oh, Oliver.
Well, we found it.
The tomb of the first king.
And we put the taboo idol back.
Honey, you know, there are
some very weird things in here.
Oh, you're telling me.
Oliver Oliver.
( Chuckles )
That's just Oliver.
( Rhythmic drumming )
( Man yells )
( Man yells )
( Man hooting )
( Man howls )
( Man yells and grunts )
( Applause )
Tonight, with this luau, we celebrate
the illustrious Dr. Whitehead's
amazing archeological discoveries
( cheering )
And his appointment
as developer and curator of
the museum's new Whitehead wing.
GREG: Congratulations.
Congratulations, Professor.
We also wish to honor the Brady family
who helped make his discovery possible.
( Crowd murmuring )
We consider them kama'ainas
old Hawaiian friends.
Aloha, pumehana.
ALL: Alo-ha!
Let us rejoice.
As tradition demands,
you must sound the horn of brotherhood.
CAROL: Come on, sweetheart.
( Blowing high tones )
Good.
( Blowing high tones )
Oh, my goodness!
( Blows feebly )
( laughing )
( laughing )
Forget it.
( Tooting )
CAROL: Come on, Alice.
( Slight toot )
I think my lip is gone.
( low, smooth toot )
( Medium-high toot )
CAROL: He's a tenor!
( long, high tooting )
MIKE: That's a pretty good sound.
( low toot )
( long, low tooting )
Small boy has big lung.
Now let the luau continue.
( Rhythmic drumming )
Hmm, it's been a magnificent evening.
Oliver would have loved it.
Oh, honey, this has been an
absolutely marvelous vacation.
It'll be a real marvel
if we can get everything packed
so we can go home. Yeah.
All us guys are ready, Dad.
MIKE: Great. Hey, Bob,
come here. Give me a hand.
Now, hop up there.
That's it.
Boy, am I glad we're not taking
that bad luck idol home with us.
Honey, that's not a bad luck idol.
Right the bad luck is all in your head.
What about Greg getting hit
on the head with a surfboard?
Well, it was good luck
he wasn't really hurt, right? Yeah.
What about the spider
that crawled on Pete?
He was lucky it wasn't poisonous.
Oh, I get it.
I guess it just depends
on how you look at things.
Exactly.
Wait a minute.
There, okay.
Oh, uh-oh!
Well, I broke my sandal.
What rotten luck.
No, that's good luck.
Good luck?
Sure, you're lucky your foot wasn't in it.
It all depends on how you look at things.