Elsbeth (2024) s04e04 Episode Script

1
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Morning, Trot. Brody.
What color is that shirt, Slim pink?
You're crazy.
All right.
Yes.
Howdy, partners.
Looks like we are all playing together.
(CHUCKLES) I'll go get us a card.
You paired us with Perry Maclntyre?
You're the club president. Can't
you foist him on someone else?
Come on, that's no way
to treat a fellow member.
Morning, folks.
The club sent me a letter last month
for wearing suit pants
- with an elastic waistband.
- Come on.
I know it was Maclntyre who reported me
because he was
staring at them all night.
It's not like I was wearing
sweats. They're Cucinelli.
- It's the way he is.
- PERRY: Hey, guys,
I think we should listen in here,
so let's zip it, okay?
MAN: As a reminder,
this year's hole in one prize is on 11,
so if you happen to get lucky
on 11, congrats,
we're sending you to Aspen.
And I believe
that includes a private jet
there and back for
a total value of $250,000.
Wowza!
(CROWD APPLAUDS)
I can't believe
you hit that hole in one.
Oh, it was a lucky shot.
And who knew you could
ski moguls like that?
- Aw
- Right?
This kind of raw athletic talent?
You really are a Nickerson man.
(CHUCKLING)
Perry.
- Perry? You good to go?
- Yeah? Yeah.
It's a shotgun,
so they're starting us on 12.
We should get going.
Guess that means we'll
end on 11, the prize hole, huh?
Hey, don't you guys
all go to Aspen every year?
Yeah. It'd be nice to have it
paid for, but what are the odds?
Yeah, what are the odds?
(CLUB PRESIDENT SIGHS QUIETLY) This guy.
How long is he gonna take?
Well, you're the one
who put him in our group.
- (SIGHS)
- Take your time, Perry.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
Ooh. Well, well, who do we have here?
- Hey, guys. How's the round?
- Oh, don't ask, Cecelia.
- Please just beer me.
- Hang on, you're being rude.
First of all, Cecelia, how are you?
(CECELIA LAUGHS)
You're funny, Mr. Dennison.
Wait, did that just go in?
- No.
- Impossible.
CECELIA (CHUCKLING): Dr. Maclntyre.
- Oh, my God.
- No way.
Look at this.
Molotov 6. (CHUCKLES)
That's your ball.
Dr. Maclntyre! Oh, my God!
Well, I guess I'm joining you in Aspen.
Hey, guys, we got
a hole in one back here.
(CHEERING)
CLUB PRESIDENT:
Well, congratulations, I guess.
- Hell of a shot.
- Yeah. Thank you. Thank you.
- That's amazing. That's amazing.
- Thank you. Thank you.
- 7 iron, huh? You got all of that one.
- Yeah, 7 iron.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Everyone enjoying
their free round? (CHUCKLES)
You're welcome, by the way.
No, it's my treat, my treat.
Ooh.
Hey, should we coordinate
on some rezzies
while we're all out in Aspen town?
Yeah, yeah, maybe.
But I-I should probably
get home to my golf widow.
- Oh, no, I'm sure she's fine.
- (THUNDER RUMBLING)
- Have another drink.
- Ooh, yeah.
Looks like a storm's coming in.
But, uh, congrats again, man.
That really was impressive. Yeah.
(THUNDER RUMBLING)
CLUB PRESIDENT:
What are you looking for?
Hey, uh, Trip.
Yeah, I
thought I saw a deer.
- Oh, a deer, huh?
- Yeah.
- Wow.
- Yeah.
You see
I think you're out here
looking for your ball.
The one you actually hit off 11.
(SCOFFS)
Not sure I know
what you're talking about.
Come on, member to member.
Did you fake that hole in one?
Trip, I think
I'm a little insulted here.
See, the thing is, I know you did.
And I can prove it.
(THUNDER CRASHES)
So I'm gonna have you
kicked out of the club.
Not just because you cheated,
but I gave you a chance to come clean
- and you lied to me.
- Okay, look,
there's just been a mix-up.
Oh, man, it is gonna be
so sweet getting rid of you.
Hey, they might even
charge you with fraud.
You do know you only got in
because your ex's dad called in
every favor that he had, right?
I had a lot of people
write me letters, not just
- my father-in-law's friends.
- Yeah,
because you gave 'em discounts
on their kids' braces.
This membership is supposed to be
a tough bid, but every now and then
we make a mistake.
I look forward to having it rectified.
Oh, and Perry, don't worry
there are a lot of great
public courses in this area.
Or so I've been told.
(SHOUTS)
Oh, God.
(THUNDER CRASHES)
(GRUNTING)
Ooh, is there a party?
This time tomorrow,
there'll be a whole bunch
of local elementary school children
gathered here, learning
all about police work.
- Aw.
- Our precinct
is hosting the community
outreach day this year.
Captain has championed
the cause for years.
It's a reminder of who it is we serve.
Oh, I wish I could sit in.
But I'm on my way to New Jersey.
We're spending the weekend
with Roy's parents.
Wow. That's a big deal. Nervous?
No, I'm excited.
With the wedding coming up,
there's so much to discuss.
Uh, but I better get going
if we're gonna make it
to dinner on time.
Are they taking you out?
Teddy says
they're taking us to their country club.
Whoa. Country club.
(CHUCKLES)
Would you look at these chairs?
Aren't they luxurious?
ROY: Hey. Uh,
we're meeting my parents for dinner.
Hi, I'm Elsbeth Tascioni.
I am Roy's future mother-in-law.
(LAUGHS)
Honey.
Remember, Roy's parents
are country club types,
so let's not try to appear
to be too interesting.
What's wrong with being interesting?
Well,
let's just say, no one
ever ruined an engagement
by being too vanilla.
Ruined an engagement?
Yeah, like you did
with your Cousin Judy.
- I what?
- TEDDY: Uh, Mom, Grandma.
Sorry to interrupt. I just wanted
to introduce you to Roy's parents.
Glenn Stratton.
Uh, what a pleasure to finally meet
Teddy's family.
- Yvette.
- Hi.
- Elsbeth, hi.
- Yvette, hi. Hi.
- Oh, wow, this is so exciting.
- Oh, hugger.
Oh, and this is long overdue. And, uh
uh, it's very nice to meet you.
Well, we're very grateful
that you made the trip.
Well, we're just
so grateful for the respite
- from the bustle and to-do.
- (GLENN CHUCKLES)
Shall we?
Oh, uh, terrible tragedy.
Our club president died last weekend.
Big branch fell from the famous
old Osage orange tree
just off the 11th hole,
landed on his head.
Oh, gosh, how awful.
Yeah, what are the odds?
- Yeah.
- Glenn, good to see you.
- Perry, I hear congrats are in order.
- PERRY: Yep.
They just hung the plaque.
- GLENN: Oh.
- PERRY: You want to see it?
We really should
be getting to our table.
GLENN: Uh yeah.
Uh, Perry hit
the prize-winning hole in one
in a charity tournament.
Wow, a hole in one.
What are those odds?
One in 12,500.
How on earth did you
Ma.
Yes. Coming.
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)
So, Glenn, what do you do?
Oh, uh, I work in logistics.
Oh, well, that's fascinating.
Not sure that's the word I'd use,
uh, but I do get to play a lot of golf.
- (YVETTE CHUCKLES)
- And Yvette, what about you?
Well, I stayed home when Roy was born.
Oh, that's
so wonderful.
YVETTE: And when that
nearly drove me to pieces,
I got a job as an accountant
for the school district.
But, Elsbeth, Roy says
you work with the police?
Solving murders.
Now, that must be interesting.
Yeah, Mom's seen some
crazy cases. Tell 'em about
- the throuple who
- Oh, gosh, no. (CHUCKLES)
They don't need to hear that.
Besides, we have a wedding to plan.
- Right.
- YVETTE: Now, boys, have you
put any thought
to where you might do it?
We're confused.
Yeah. I know, uh, Mom's
rooting for a city wedding.
What? No, I'm not.
I just want what you want.
Yeah. And what you want me
to want is a city wedding.
Well, why don't you just do it here?
Oh, um
No, no, that's okay. I-I don't
think a golf club wedding
would be very Roy.
(QUIETLY): Thank you.
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION IN DISTANCE)
- Yeah. Sure.
- I mean
Elsbeth, do you golf?
We could see if there's
a tee time tomorrow.
Oh, no. I never learned. But, um,
Teddy's father taught him,
and you were a caddy that one summer.
Uh, you should all go.
We could get Elsbeth a lesson.
Glenn, we're not gonna leave
- Elsbeth and Lydia on their own.
- LYDIA: Oh, no,
I need a big, long nap every day.
You all go, I'll take a lesson,
and then maybe I can join you next time.
GLENN: I'll check tee times.
Mom, are you okay?
Of course. Uh, Yvette,
could you please point me to the, um
- Down that hall, to the right.
- Thank you. Excuse me.
LYDIA: It's so odd they call it a
shrimp cocktail, don't you find?
(CHUCKLES)
- Hi. Uh, sorry.
- Oh
That hole in one stat
that you just rattled off?
You have to go on Jeopardy.
I don't think so. Uh
I went to Florida public schools
back when we were still
leaving the child behind.
- (CHUCKLES) Oh
- My brother and I sell
hole in one insurance.
I'm sorry, I'm I'm Rory Torkelson.
- Oh, hi.
- Hi.
- Elsbeth Tascioni.
- Hello.
My father worked in insurance,
the homeowners kind.
I didn't know they had it for golf.
It's niche. When a club
wants to entice players
with a big prize, a small premium
protects them from having
to take a huge financial hit.
Unfortunately, my brother
sets the premiums,
and he's more passionate
about the golf than the math.
Oh, another child left behind?
- Eh, we're a bit overextended.
- Mm.
I was hoping to find
a reason to deny this one,
but all the documentation
seems to be in order.
Documentation?
Isn't it just the ball
went in or it didn't?
Oh, no, the policy
requires all sorts of specifics.
The hole has to be a certain yardage,
the tournament has to have
a set number of players.
- Huh.
- But he had paper
to establish all of it.
I might have to take out
another mortgage.
That's funny.
You think that's funny,
you should see my credit score.
Oh, no, not that.
It's just, it was always
the people who had
their paper in order
who made my dad's ears itch.
He was allergic to paper?
Mm, not to paper. To liars.
Sorry to bother.
- Uh, Perry, was it?
- Mm-hmm.
I'm Elsbeth Tascioni.
- I'm a guest of the Stratton family.
- Oh.
I just wanted
to congratulate you myself.
Why, thank you.
Would you like to see the ball?
Would I? (SOFT CHUCKLE)
Oh, there it is.
"Molotov 6 PCM."
What's PCM?
- My initials.
- Ah.
Do they add those
when you get the ball in?
No, I had them made, yeah.
First day I used them,
so they must be good luck.
- Wow. That is so cool.
- Mm-hmm.
So, what were the prizes
for getting a hole in one
on all the other holes?
Eleven was the only one with a prize.
Wow, you must get
hole in ones all the time.
"Holes-in-ones."
"Hole in-ones?"
Hole in ones.
- It's "holes-in-one." Yeah.
- Oh.
And this was my first.
In your life? Wow.
Almost seems too good to be true.
Well, it happened.
Oh, and by the way,
they should have said when you came in,
but we don't allow
ripped or torn clothing
in the dining room.
Oh, no, what did I tear?
Wait, you mean my fringe?
- Yeah.
- Um,
i-is this really a rip or a tear?
Guests are expected
to accept the interpretations
of the members and the staff.
Oh, right, of course. I apologize.
Thank you for letting me know.
Nice meeting you.
- (LAUGHING)
- Uh, Yvette,
I have to apologize. I did not realize
that my fringe would
violate the rules here.
Oh, no. Elsbeth. Fringe?
Did somebody tell you that?
Was it Perry Maclntyre?
I ran into him in the bar.
Don't pay him any mind. I'm telling you,
Perry volunteers for the rules committee
and sends members letters
for every little infraction.
Oh, that makes me feel a little better.
Yvette is just being polite.
Elsbeth is very sorry.
Well, Elsbeth, don't think of it again.
I'm telling you,
you give someone like that
a little bit of power,
and they turn into a petty tyrant.
Mm. I guess every organization
has one. (SHORT CHUCKLE)
(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
CONNOR: Welcome, wel
Commissioner.
Tully. What are you doing here?
Well, isn't this community outreach day?
I thought I might observe.
Oh. Certainly.
- We were just about
- I invited a little press,
I hope you don't mind.
This way. So,
as I was saying, um, I think
it's so important
to get to these kids early.
You know what I mean? Before they
Unbelievable.
Welcome. Hi there.
Ooh! Oh, shoot.
Fore!
You actually only need to shout
"fore" if you hit the ball.
- Oh.
- Remember,
- keep your head still.
- Still.
- Yeah.
- Right.
Okay, so,
how long before
I'm hitting a hole in one?
Aw, shoot!
- Darn it. (GIGGLES)
- (CHUCKLES)
I heard there was one here last week.
Dr. Maclntyre.
- Doctor?
- Dental surgeon.
- Huh.
- Not to take credit,
but he's been working
with me a lot lately.
Oh, really? Does he need to
work on watching the ball, too?
Recently, he's been trying to
get more distance on his irons.
Okay.
Fore!
Let's talk about your short game.
Am I really that short?
Thanks again. And sorry.
You're great. (CHUCKLES)
How was the lesson?
Oh, Rory.
I'm sorry if I startled you out there.
Occupational hazard.
So, any luck on the investigation?
Unfortunately, I don't think
there's more juice
to be squeezed from this lime.
Ugh. That's too bad.
I met Perry, and I wouldn't say
I'm rooting for him.
But I guess he did work for it.
- How do you mean?
- Oh, well, the pro said
he was taking lessons
to get more distance on his,
um what was the word?
You tell me.
Uh, on his
Oh, oh, his irons.
Really? The pro said that?
Does that mean something?
The ball Maclntyre was playing
was a Molotov.
I thought it was a little strange.
They don't sell them in the pro shop.
But they're good for distance.
Oh, you have that same look
my Dad got when he sniffed
a possible arson.
One way to fake a hole in one
is to drive the ball
- so far, lands out of bounds
- Uh-huh.
then plant a dupe in the cup
- and pretend it went in.
- Ooh!
So, if he did that, then the ball
would have landed in the woods
just beyond the hole.
Yeah, but we have no other reason
to believe Maclntyre
pulled anything funny.
He
Where are we going?
Now, if he hit it long,
we'd find another Molotov 6
somewhere around here.
- What is this?
- Ball marker.
People use them to mark their lie,
in case their ball is in the way
of another player's putt.
There's another one.
Oh, careful.
Club president got killed by
that falling tree branch.
Terrible accident.
Did they ever say why they think
he was out here in a storm?
Oh, there's another one.
No, I mean, he wasn't
even playing a round.
He competed earlier that day.
Right.
Ooh, here's another one.
Hey,
this stone looks
different than the other ones.
Hmm.
Hey, Rory?
What if it wasn't a terrible accident?
I don't know, breaking your neck
- seems pretty terrible.
- No.
I mean what if it was a terrible crime?
RORY: Okay. Uh, well, thanks anyway.
They're gonna send a cruiser
out to tape off the area
until they can get forensics
on the scene tomorrow.
Tomorrow? Ugh. Guess we're
not in Manhattan anymore.
You really think
this guy was murdered, E?
- Can I call you E?
- Sure.
Now, let's say
someone (CLICKS TONGUE)
Ah. (CHUCKLES)
grabbed a rock and then
bashed Trip's head in with it. (GRUNTS)
Crime of passion, right? Now, the killer
has to think fast,
try to make it look like an accident.
So, uh,
he puts the rock down
upside down
so no one can see the blood,
and then, er, er, aah!
He sees a fallen tree branch.
(GRUNTS) Okay?
So then, he drags the body over.
Only Trip
- has a pocketful of ball markers.
- Ah.
So, when he's dragging the body over,
they're falling out of the pocket,
leaving a trail going all the way
back to the stone well.
Oh, hi, guys.
Look who we found.
Hey.
How was your lesson?
Oh, uh, we identified
some areas for improvement.
Well, that is the beauty of golf.
We just came off the front nine, but
Excuse me, Mr. Stratton.
The GM asked me to give you this.
Uh, thank you.
What is it?
- No, it's nothing.
- ELSBETH: Oh, no.
It's not a rules
violation letter, is it?
Well, no, apparently,
uh, women are requested
to cover their ankles on the course.
YVETTE: Oh, please. No one's
enforced that rule
since 1895, Glenn. I'm gonna complain.
Oh, just let it be.
We'll get her some socks.
It's ridiculous.
Elsbeth, I'm so embarrassed.
No, I'm embarrassed.
Please don't make any commotion
on my account. I'll just go down there
and buy a pair of socks.
Well, um, we should get back out there.
It's okay.
I sent you a link to the dress code.
I know. I will get my act together.
I'm a big girl.
Uh, but please
don't tell my mom about this.
Okay, Mom,
you're acting so weird.
Is everything going okay?
I mean, do you think
- that they like us okay?
- TEDDY: Yes, it's going fine.
- Okay? I'll see you later.
- Okay.
- All right, I love you.
- Love you.
ELSBETH: Oh, hi, Perry.
Uh, it's me again.
I just want to apologize
for my dress violations.
I assume this last one came from you.
Rules violation reports are
expected to remain anonymous.
Oh. Okay.
Well, um, regardless, my
(CLICKS TONGUE)
- ankles are out o' sight.
- Mm.
Our long national nightmare is over.
(CHUCKLES)
- ELSBETH: Oh.
- Copy.
Police are here. That's good.
What do you mean?
We found blood me and Rory, from
the insurance firm
looking into your hole in one
near the spot where Trip died.
Mm.
Well, that makes sense, you know,
with his injury and all, right?
Oh. You know, we played
together that day.
- Oh, right, yes.
- Yeah.
- Were you two close?
- Oh, yeah.
Yeah, no, he was such a nice guy.
And then a tree branch, you know?
My God. You just never know.
Uh, right.
But the blood wasn't on a branch.
It was on a rock. Like
he'd been, you know, struck.
I-I imagine they're gonna
open up an investigation.
Well, the blood could have
been from something else.
A wounded deer.
Oh. Maybe.
But it really does seem like
someone violently confronted Trip
off the 11th hole.
Wait, isn't that where
you got the hole in one?
Oh, Trip must have been
so excited for you.
Since you were so close.
Listen, I'm heading to the locker room.
- So
- Oh, right,
yes, of course. No women allowed.
(CHUCKLES) Them's the rules.
- Oh, and Elsbeth?
- Hmm?
Your shoe.
Oh.
- (PAPER RUSTLES)
- Yeah, must have
stepped in some sap or something.
WAGNER: All right, team.
We all know Simon Says, yeah?
- CHILDREN: Yes!
- WAGNER: Yeah, well,
we're gonna play a game
called Officer Says.
I'm gonna give you
an instruction, but you
only follow it if I say, "Officer Says."
All right? Shall we try?
CHILDREN: Yes!
Officer says touch your nose.
Officer says jog in place.
Now stop!
Oh. I didn't say, "Officer Says."
So you all would have been out, okay?
Now, ready?
Officer says rub your belly.
TULLY: Captain, this-this
young lady isn't rubbing her belly.
Uh, sorry, you're out.
Well, hang on.
And-and we're just practicing.
But next time,
when I say, "Officer Says,"
you be sure to follow the instruction.
My mom says I don't have to
follow unlawful orders.
Well, I appreciate you bringing that up.
Let's talk about what
she might have meant by
Yeah, that's not how the game works.
You do what the captain says
- or you're out, okay?
- WAGNER: Well, Commissioner, uh,
maybe we can use this opportunity
- to teach the kids about
- Commissioner says
hands on your head where I can see 'em.
Okay, let's not make 'em
feel like criminals.
Commissioner says
put your hands in the air.
All right, hang on. Uh, officer says
- put your hands down.
- Commissioner outranks officer,
so let's go, hands in the air.
You didn't say, "Commissioner says."
(LAUGHS)
That sounds like an unlawful order.
CHILDREN: Ooh
The shot was legit. I was there.
We were both there. Right, Jonah?
- Oh, yeah.
- ELSBETH: Wow.
You are gonna have to raise
dues if I joined this club,
because, whoo, what do you mean
the wasabi peas are unlimited?
If I could have
you guys sign an affidavit,
- that's all I've
- So you guys were both there,
but did you see the ball go in?
What do you mean?
Sorry.
Ooh. Um, they're good,
but they're very crunchy. (CHUCKLES)
(EXHALES SHARPLY) Um, you were there,
but did you actually watch
the ball go in the hole?
Well, uh, truth be told,
I was getting a drink
from the bar cart girl, Cecelia,
- but Jonah saw it.
- Uh no.
I was actually looking at Cecelia, too.
- She's a looker.
- RORY: So then, neither of you
actually witnessed Perry's shot?
Well no,
but it was his ball in the cup for sure,
because he was using those
lame monogrammed ones,
and he only had one sleeve
of them. He said he's still
futzing with the design.
But Cecelia definitely saw it go in.
- Yeah, Cecelia saw it for sure.
- Mm-hmm.
(LISPING): You said
your name was "Elthbeth"?
Elsbeth.
Sorry, it's my new Invisalign.
I'm still getting used to it.
Oh. That's gonna be tough
with a name like Cecelia.
- Don't get me started.
- (LAUGHING)
- "Thethelia."
- "Thethelia."
You guys thirsty, by the way?
- Uh
- I'd take a water.
- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
Uh, so, out of curiosity,
who was the dentist
who did the work for you?
It was Dr. Maclntyre, actually.
Oh, the club must have dental.
No. But he didn't charge.
All the members are so nice here.
Oh, you must have known Trip, then.
Mr. Langenhagen? Oh, he was the best.
It's, like, so sad what happened.
ELSBETH: Mm-hmm.
Did he and Dr. Maclntyre get along?
I think so. Why?
Wait, is there something going on?
I saw police tape out by hole 11.
Hey, if we could just have you
sign this affidavit
confirming that you saw
the ball go in the hole.
Um, actually, my dad's a lawyer,
and he told me
not to sign anything, ever,
without letting him read it first.
Sure. Uh, take your time.
- Hey, Cecelia.
- CECELIA: Hi, guys.
Okay, let's say she lied
- in exchange for free braces.
- Yeah, but
how did a ball matching Perry's
get in the cup?
Usually, you'd plant it yourself,
but Orson said he got to the hole first,
so Perry wouldn't have had time to.
Maybe there was another conspirator.
One of the members
of the foursome just ahead.
(GASPS)
Or the caddy.
Yo, Maclntyre.
What's the police tape doing on 11?
What makes you think I know?
Well, Cecelia says that insurance guy
and his weird lady friend
are asking questions about you.
I agreed to drop that ball
in exchange for a break
on my wife's root canal,
but I didn't sign up for
conspiracy to commit murder.
Lower your voice.
First off, no one has said
anything about a murder.
Second, you are addressing a member
of the Nickerson Club,
one of the oldest,
most prestigious assemblages
of sportsmen on the eastern seaboard,
and you, a caddy, might take
a far more respectful tone
when doing so.
You seem a little burned out,
Matty. Perhaps it's time
you migrate south.
Lay low for a while.
Oh. Hi.
How was the rest of the round?
It was great.
Uh, my parents headed home,
but I'll drive you two back to shower
and get Lydia so we can
get back here for cocktails.
Oh, um, actually, Teddy,
can you bring me an outfit for dinner?
I'm just gonna hang back
with my new friend Rory.
Your new friend, huh?
Mom, you have that look.
What's going on?
What? Nothing.
I'm just helping my friend Rory
with something for his work.
But I'll be back here, and we'll have
a nice, quiet, vanilla dinner.
Promise.
You are not gonna believe this, E.
The caddy for the foursome
in front of Perry
just called in to resign.
Yeah. Said his winter gig in Palm Beach
needed him a month early.
Mm. Sounds like he was in a hurry.
I think we found our second conspirator.
Hey, you think we should have
crossed that police tape?
I am the police. And we need to find
that second Molotov ball.
I agree, a second ball
would provide strong evidence
he faked his hole in one.
Especially if that was
the first time Perry used
those custom balls,
but we already looked.
We stopped looking as soon
as we found the bloody stone.
Hey, E.
Why are you out here with me?
Something tells me, uh, you've got, mm,
more on your mind than insurance fraud.
Is it that obvious?
Eh.
I think Perry Maclntyre
murdered Trip Langenhagen.
Oh.
Think about it.
We still don't know what Trip was doing
out here in a storm.
Maybe it was the same thing we are.
You think Trip was looking
for proof Perry cheated,
and Perry murdered him to cover his ass.
It's a theory.
Trip was in Perry's foursome that day.
Maybe he, um (CLICKS TONGUE)
saw something and got suspicious.
You know, you would make
an amazing claims adjuster.
Oh (SHORT CHUCKLE) thanks.
My dad thought so, too.
But, uh, it's not for me.
Why not?
I saw what he went through.
His bosses always wanted him
to find silly reasons
to deny good claims.
But my dad,
he really believed
in the idea of insurance
that if you pay in, it should
be there when you need it.
Sounds like he was
too nice for this work.
Oh, no. If he did
find someone who was cheating,
he went after them hard.
He hated liars.
PERRY: Oh, there they are.
Folks, uh, we're gonna need
to ask you to leave.
- What? Why?
- This is a private
- member's club.
- Ma'am,
which member are you here with?
You need to stay with them.
She was here with the Strattons,
but they left an hour ago.
Hang on. I have asked Ms. Tascioni
to assist me in my work.
What work? It was a hole in one.
Just cut me my check and be on your way!
Sir. If I am not allowed
to complete my investigation
to my satisfaction,
I will have to deny the claim.
Fine, then I will sue you
and I will fly myself to Aspen.
Please, both of you, come with us
or I'm going to have to call the police.
We look forward to
having you back with a member.
You're not gonna tell the
Strattons about this, are you?
Relax, E. I've got a plan.
- ELSBETH: Hi.
- No hablo English.
Oh, uh, hola. Uh,
me llamo, uh, Rory, y, uh, señora
- Elsbeth.
- Okay, I was lying.
What?
We came from the Nickerson Club.
Your yard backs up to the 11th hole?
(GROANS)
You lose your ball, too?
Right.
okay.
Yes, I'll let them know.
Public affairs confirms.
They are going to cover
the "Officer Says" dustup.
Oh, you've really done it now, Charles.
Now, hang on.
You said that you were gonna observe.
Now, if you had stayed out of it
and let me make my point
You undermined me in front of a reporter
and a room full of eight-year-olds.
I believe those children would trust us
if we were honest with them
and treated them with respect.
Respect? They still wet the bed.
At eight? That feels a little old.
Enough!
These little games we've been
playing over the years
have been fun.
You've won some. I've won some.
But I want to be clear with you.
We are playing
a very different game now.
It's called Commissioner Says.
And there's only one rule.
You get in line
or you're out.
Am I understood?
Yeah.
(DOOR OPENS)
Oh, uh,
and you'll be receiving
an official reprimand,
by the way.
You'd do well to take it seriously.
Run me through this one more time,
because I feel like
I'm playing that game with,
you know, the ball and the three cups,
and I never win that game.
Okay.
So, the day of
the tournament whack
a ball goes rocketing over the trees
and then lands in Hector
the neighbor's koi pond.
Almost killing his beloved kohaku.
- I got that.
- Hector
calls the club president,
Trip, to complain.
Trip comes to the house
to smooth things over,
but when Hector shows him the
ball, he sees it's a Molotov 6.
According to Hector,
Trip gets really interested in that.
He knows it's Perry's ball
because he played with him that day.
Trip asks Hector if he can
take the ball with him.
Now it is Sunday afternoon,
and Trip has the ball
that proves that Perry
faked his hole in one.
An hour later, he's found dead.
I got chills, E.
And I've got cocktails.
- Oh.
- Okay.
Okay.
This place looks more elegant
every time I see it.
Ms. Tascioni.
- You shouldn't be here.
- Oh,
I'm in the company of a member.
And I'm glad I ran into you
because I have a few questions.
- Everything all right?
- Oh, yes.
I was just, um, admiring Perry's plaque.
And not the dental kind.
(CHUCKLES)
It's just a little dentist humor there.
Um anyway,
uh, your ball it
it looks so clean.
You'd think there'd be scuff marks.
You played the whole round with it?
I did. I hit a very clean ball.
And how many balls
are in a sleeve three?
Yes.
And you got your hole in one
on your last hole,
so you should still
have the other two, right?
What could this possibly matter?
Well, if you could produce
the other two balls, I could probably
just hand them over
to Rory and get him
to write you that check
for your Aspen trip right now.
So, the inquisition continues, hmm?
But you still have the balls, right?
Where's your bag, out by the shop?
Yes, I believe so.
Well, so what's the harm
in producing them?
It's not like
you have something to hide.
Yes. I suppose
I could go run and grab them.
Great, I'll come with.
(ELSBETH AND GLENN CHUCKLE)
(ELSBETH LAUGHS)
Here they are.
Two monogrammed
Molotov balls, number six.
And you think he took one
of these off Trip's dead body
after it landed in the neighbor's yard?
He needed the extra two balls
to make his story work.
I think he got the ball
from Trip, put it in the sleeve
just in case anyone came looking.
All right, I'll get it
to the lab we use.
LYDIA: Elsbeth.
Mom. Um, I'll meet you inside.
You were escorted out
of the club for trespassing?
It was a misunderstanding.
They just told Yvette,
and she looked so upset.
So was Teddy.
I just don't think
the Strattons are the kind of people
who appreciate you making a scene.
- I wasn't trying to make
- I know,
but the fact is, you embarrassed them.
I'm sorry, I'm just
trying to protect Teddy.
I'm gonna tell them
you're not feeling well.
We'll take it from here.
Hey, E?
Sorry to interrupt.
Don't mean to listen in.
I know family stuff
can be, uh, well, tricky.
Thing is, I just don't
want to get your hopes up,
because I I looked at these balls,
and they're pretty clean.
Great.
Miriam, I'm sure your doctor
did prescribe the orthopedics,
but the rulebook is unambiguous.
If we let you prance around
our formal spaces in rubber soles,
it won't be long before
this whole place looks like a biker bar.
So, as chairman of the rules committee,
I'm sorry, but you're
gonna receive a letter.
ELSBETH: Oh, what a coincidence.
We were just coming
with a letter for you.
Actually, it's an arrest warrant.
PERRY: What is going on here?
You did your best to clean off the ball
that you hit off the 11th tee.
No,
not the ball over here
on the plaque. This ball,
that you hit so far whack
it went beyond the woods,
all the way into Hector
the neighbor's koi pond.
- You almost killed his beloved kohaku.
- Mm.
I beg your pardon?
Now, it looks clean
to the naked eye,
but the lab found traces
of tree sap. Specifically,
tree sap from the Osage orange tree.
RORY: Now, we got those all over
the south, but there's only
one Osage orange on this here property,
and its branch landed on
Trip Langenhagen's head.
Or so you wanted people to think.
Actually, you bashed
Trip's head in with a rock,
and then you dragged him
to the fallen tree branch
and then you hauled it onto his body
to make it look like an accident.
When you took back the ball Trip
found in the neighbor's pond
you had tree sap on your hand.
- How else did it get on the ball?
- Right, 'cause
the sap it gets
everywhere, including
(CLICKS TONGUE)
on the bottom of my shoe.
(IMITATES RIPPING)
Now, your skin cell DNA
is bound to turn up when they test
the bloody rock that we found,
but either way
this slightly sticky ball
proves that you murdered
Trip Langenhagen.
Okay, I think you can arrest him now.
Oh, your claim
denied.
(SCOFFS) Who cares?
They never let me feel like I belonged.
(SOFT CHUCKLING)
Oh, um
Yvette, uh, Glenn, I am so
deeply sorry for all
the commotion that I've caused.
Are you kidding me? I haven't
had this much fun in this club
since, uh, Caribbean Night in 2009.
Elsbeth, you have to stop apologizing.
You solved a murder
in the time it took us
to play a round of golf.
You're incredible.
I just
I hope you'll still
have Teddy in your family.
YVETTE: Elsbeth, I'm so grateful
to have someone
so brilliant and so original
that wants to be a part of our family.
What are-what are you three
doing for Thanksgiving?
They do an excellent spread here,
and I have a feeling, with Perry gone,
the dress code is about
to get a bit more relaxed.
(LAUGHING)
Maybe we should get married here.
No.
ELSBETH: All right, Ma,
I've been dying to ask. What did I do
to Cousin Judy?
Let's not dig up ancient history.
It just seems like,
maybe these situations
aren't always as dire
as you perceive them to be.
LYDIA: We're just lucky Roy's family
has been so gracious.
You were amazing, Mom.
Thanks for making the trip this weekend.
I think your father
would have loved it here.
That's so funny,
I've been thinking about Dad
so much this weekend.
- Oh. I always think of him.
- (HORN HONKS)
I'll-I'll see you guys at the car.
Back to Sarasota, then?
I got to see about a hole in one
at a course in Huron, South Dakota.
- Whoa.
- Want to come with me?
I have to get back to my dog.
Elsbeth,
this has been more fun
than a bucket of balls.
(LAUGHS)
I'm sure you get that all the time.
I'm pretty sure I've never gotten that.
I'll see you around, E.
There it is.
Thirty years on the force,
and my first written reprimand.
Who wants tea sandwiches?
I got these from Roy's club.
Those places put out so much food,
so much of it goes to waste.
I'll take them to the break room.
Well? How was it?
Controversial.
I know.
Teddy sent me the link
to the View story.
I've been formally rebuked.
Well, if it makes you
feel any better, so was I.
Several times, actually.
Sometimes you have to break the rules
to get to the right result.
I appreciate the sentiment.
But I'm not sure I want
to be a member of a club
whose rules need breaking.
What does that mean?
I don't know yet.