Resident Alien (2021) s04e04 Episode Script
Truth Hurts
1
Previously on "Resident Alien"
The alien implant is gone.
It looked like a little piece of glass.
Give me a simple yes or no.
Is that Kate's baby?
She was taken by aliens,
and then we were on a spaceship,
which is actually inside the moon.
I'm starting to remember.
She was there.
So how does this
time travel thing work?
I'll have you back to 1870 in no time.
1970!
The Greys stole my alien energy.
I need it back to kill
the Mantid, to save Earth.
Max took Bridget.
I think he's trying
to catch the Mantid.
Huh? Oh, hey, guys.
Heather.
Honey, I'm home.
[BLINK-182'S "WHAT'S MY AGE AGAIN?"]
We started making out
And she took off my pants
But then I turned on the TV ♪
And that's about the time
she walked away from me ♪
Nobody likes you when you're 23 ♪
And are still more amused
by TV shows ♪
What the hell is ADD?
My friends say I should act my age ♪
What's my age again?
What's my age again?
♪
Hey.
Hey, D'Arce.
What are you doing out here?
You don't wanna to welcome me home?
My parents are gonna be welcomed home
by a broken toilet
and urine on their bed.
[CHUCKLES]
How's your fancy Vermont ski school?
It's good.
I don't know.
I miss home.
Actually, I missed you.
I missed you, too, bud.
No, dummy, I mean, I
I really missed you.
I like you. Like, missed you.
I thought you were
dating all those ski guys?
Well, yeah,
but they're all kind of dumb.
Hot, though. They're really hot.
There was one model
Please stop.
Those guys aren't you.
You're serious?
I swear on Mrs. Fontaine's Ford Fiesta.
Vomit comet.
Boot and bomb it.
D'Arce!
Guys!
Judy, what the hell?
Somebody called the cops!
Run!
[SIRENS WAILING IN DISTANCE]
Ow!
[BROWN BIRD'S "BILGEWATER"]
[LAIDBACK ACOUSTIC STRUMMING]
♪
[CHICKS CHIRPING]
Say hi to your daddy, kids.
Hi!
Harry, I'd like you to meet
Charles, Aidan, Hayden,
Polly, Bloof, and Harry Jr.
Oh.
Well, they they definitely
have their daddy's nose.
Something feels different
about my Heather.
Harry, look, I know.
I know, okay? I get it.
It's a lot.
But I really do think that
you're gonna be a great father.
And I just
I have to tell you that
I've thought about you
every single day since I left.
I have thought about you, too, my love.
It's true.
I still love her as much as before.
But something is missing.
Is it because she left?
Is it because she betrayed me?
You're the love of my life,
and I am so, so sorry.
Oh, that's it.
Now that I am human,
I find her face repulsive.
Ugh. [CHUCKLES]
Ooh. [LAUGHS]
You know who caused all this?
- It was that Hybrid Grey Joseph.
- Oh.
He threatened my family, Harry,
and I I didn't know what to do.
But I I can't run anymore.
She looks like a haunted
piece of taxidermy.
Ugh.
Well, Joseph will not be a problem.
He only has one arm.
He no longer works for the Greys.
He's ugly.
I mean, unlike you,
who is the opposite of ugly.
Is there also a smell?
Harry, I'll never leave you again.
You're the most incredible,
beautiful being I have ever met.
And you and you are also
- beautiful.
- Aww.
I love how your your eyes
just bulge out from your face,
like a like a fish, but a bird.
Aww.
[LAUGHS]
No, no. Oh!
Oh-ho, your breath, it's
your breath is very
- gamey.
- Hmm.
[SNIFFS]
You know what, that's Mantid.
[LAUGHS]
Sorry, I totally
forgot to mention this.
I killed a Mantid, ate his guts.
Asta was out there.
I saved her damn life.
She did not thank me,
so kind of messed up.
You killed the Mantid?
- Yeah.
- That is great news!
It's outside under the canoe, FYI.
Yeah, I saved you some guts.
Are you hungry?
[RETCHES]
I mean, yum. Yum, yum, yum.
But not now, I think.
Not now, not now.
Okay, I'll put it
in here for safekeeping.
Are you serious?
Look, Harry, I know you
don't know if you can trust me.
I just wanna tell you that I love you.
And I hope that someday
you can forgive me.
[SENTIMENTAL MUSIC]
Of course, I forgive you, my love.
[LAUGHS] Thank you.
Not again. No. Ugh.
I'm gonna keep my eyes closed
so I don't get distracted
by all that beauty.
My love, what if we were
to reunite in human form?
Oh.
Yes, because you were
a human when you left me.
And we could just pretend.
If you take a human form now,
it will be like nothing ever happened.
Like time has gone backwards.
That is so romantic.
Yes!
I will see you in the bedroom.
Oh, I love it when you rub your
I wanna say, fuzz around your beak.
Yeah, that's my face fuzz.
It definitely doesn't
make your head look
like a moldy piece of fruit.
Hey, Harry.
I'm drenched.
[QUIRKY MUSIC]
♪
[RETCHES]
Wow.
That was a lot.
Yeah.
Sorry, the giant praying mantis
attack or going back in time?
How is me coming here to talk
about a plan for the baby
who was raised on a spaceship
the most normal part
of this conversation?
We don't have a plan yet. Sorry.
I know, I know. I get it.
I can't stop thinking about
how awful this whole thing is.
But it's too dangerous.
The Greys are still
watching Ben and Kate.
It's obvious from the cameras
I planted all over their house.
Okay, again, I am
an officer of the court.
Please stop telling me how
you two are breaking the law!
Who's breaking the law?
These two, all the time
with all their alien stuff.
[CLEARS THROAT]
But obviously
a protest to bring attention
to undocumented immigrants is
is very great.
So you two should keep doing that.
Well, let me know when the next one is.
I'll come with.
Cool.
Cool.
She doesn't know?
Of course she doesn't know.
Well, apparently, everyone else knows.
I said I'm sorry I didn't tell you.
You know, it would just
be nice to feel included,
especially when aliens
are trying to kill us all.
- [PHONE CHIMES]
- Oh, well, good news,
because Harry needs us to come
get rid of that Mantid alien body.
So, you wanna come?
Pass.
All right.
We were just trying to include you.
- That's what you said.
- Yeah.
Make sure you get the praying
mantis prayer hands right,
and also these things.
Oh, and of course, those big old eyes.
And remember,
they're not front-headed eyes.
They're side-headed eyes, like
two big-ass security cameras.
You know, the the bulgy kind.
The ones you see, like, up in
a yogurt shop in the corner.
I'm still trying to capture the,
"He was standing like a man who
just found out his roommate
wore his favorite pants."
Well, look, Deputy, I can't help it
if I'm a master of the simile,
all right?
And why are you being so surly, huh?
I told you in that cave, I said,
"Don't drink that water 'cause
you gonna have to piss.
And then you probably gonna
miss out on seeing an alien."
You remember that?
I don't remember that.
Huh.
♪
Ooh!
Now, Deputy,
that there is a work of art.
Who's peeing now?
Not me. Hi, Debra.
Third call this week
about a metal Sasquatch
up on the mountain.
Okay, uh, why don't you
go ahead and put in that file
I set up called "Wackadoodles
and Rooster Complaints."
Thank you, Debra.
And you heard that, right?
You'll need to tell
your cyborg Sasquatch friend
he needs to be a little more stealthy.
All right, the last thing we need
is more people going around
reporting seeing weird things.
Hell, we already got an alien that can
see how much yogurt you got.
I'm assuming you haven't told Lena?
Have I told Lena that
the killer's an alien?
Hell no.
I don't need her looking at me
the way I used to look at you.
No, no one needs that.
But you know you're not crazy.
[SIGHS]
No, I am not.
♪
Mantid Removal Experts LLC
at your service.
Just kidding.
We've never done this before.
We're not experts.
We're also not an LLC.
Hey, how's everything with Heather?
Is she [GASPS]
- Oh!
- Oh, Charles!
What the hell is that?
That is one of our darling children.
You should organize a large
group gift like a stroller,
as we have plenty of bibs and worms.
Hi, Asta. Hi, D'Arcy.
I see you guys met the kiddos.
Where's Charles?
Oh, he
Bridget!
Bridget! Bridget!
No! No!
You drop it! Drop!
[SQUAWKING]
Drop it! Drop it!
Ah!
Ha-ha!
There we go.
You!
He was playing. He was playing.
Looked more like eating.
Bet you want him back now, don't
Go play outside!
I bet you do. I bet you do.
But you don't even
need bath toys, do you,
'cause you're your own rubber ducky?
Yes, you are.
Yes, you are, little baby.
Bridget is a bad
Okay. I can see your faces.
Do not say anything.
Oh, I wanna say,
like, a thousand things.
So you're gonna raise alien bird babies
even though you're human?
Shh!
Heather does not know that I am human,
and you will not tell
her because you will
ruin everything if you do.
You have to tell her the truth.
Maybe she'll be okay with it.
I do not know if she would
because I will not be telling her.
Everything is perfect right now.
Hey, Harry, could you hand me that bag?
Just so you guys know,
I'm still nursing,
and I need to pump.
Get it, girl. Yeah.
- Total respect.
- Nice.
[RETCHING]
[GASPS]
[RETCHES]
I thought more was coming,
but it wasn't.
Oh, boy!
[RETCHING]
Oh!
Big load.
Uh-huh.
- Okay.
- Huh.
All set for tomorrow.
Oh, yeah, yeah, everything's perfect.
Oh!
The babies take after their father.
You can really see it in their cloacas.
Nope. I'm good.
Mm. You're a good mother.
You are a good daddy.
[CHUCKLES]
So, what's going on, Daddy?
Do you have a gift for Mommy today?
Oh, I got a gift.
It's the gift I've been giving ya.
Oh.
I give it, and I take it back.
Okay, well, give it.
I'll give it.
I'll regift it.
Yeah, regift it to me.
But I have a gift receipt
so I can take it back.
But I'll give it again.
Well, the store is
demanding all merchandise
- be brought to the store.
- Mmm.
And then we're gonna
shove it right back
at the people who bought it.
You might wanna take yours back.
It's got a crack in it.
Oh!
It's under warranty,
so it might have a recall.
All right?
- Well, you bought it on sale.
- Okay.
So the warranty doesn't count.
Hey! Hey!
Maybe not in front of the kids.
They know where they came from!
I mean not in front of me.
Okay.
Wow.
So great you're back together.
But also, there's a dead Mantid
under your canoe.
That's not a problem.
I mean, we can just bury it and
put a headstone on top of it
that says, "RIP, you dick."
Mm-hmm.
But we will not be
doing that because we
need to exchange gifts.
Mm-hmm.
Oy.
Stick it out!
[GRUNTING, MOANING]
[QUIRKY MUSIC]
♪
You know, we'll just take care of it.
I actually know exactly
who to call to dig a grave.
Ugh.
Huh?
You came to the right gal
for grave-digging.
When I worked at the cemetery
in high school,
the guys called me Deep Hole Judy,
'cause that was my nickname
when I got there.
You weren't creeped out
working at a cemetery?
No, not usually.
There was this one ghost
with a Southern accent.
[IN SOUTHERN BELLE ACCENT] Boo.
[NORMALLY] Hey, does this
have anything to do
with that serial killer
that's on the loose?
- [SCOFFS] Nah.
- Of course not.
You know what? No, do not tell me.
I only need to know three things
width, height, depth.
Uh, 4 by 9 by 6?
You gotta a 4x9x6er coming right up.
Judy's diggin' a big old hole ♪
Who's going in?
I don't know
I didn't ask questions
It's better that way
Does kissing a girl once
make you gay? ♪
Well, we can't just
sit here and do nothing.
And you're sure that you
saw D'Arcy on the ship?
For the hundredth time, yes,
she was on that ship.
It's it's like I had these
memories that were lost,
but they're beginning to come back.
She was there.
Okay, well, then this
can only mean one thing.
Exactly.
- D'Arcy was abducted.
- D'Arcy's an alien.
Two very different things.
Wait.
What if D'Arcy is like me,
and she had a baby that was
abducted before it was born?
Wow.
That's possible.
Gotta hand it to Agent Gardner,
jumping into a case in progress,
having to navigate all
the pre-existing team dynamics.
But everyone seems to love Jules.
She just really seems
to be fitting right in.
Yeah, mm-hmm.
Okay.
There's been something you've
wanted to tell me all night.
Can we just get it over with?
Let me guess.
You hate Jules being on this case.
Well, no.
You remember that
that story you told me
about your son playing
with the Magna-Tiles, right?
He was he was real young,
and he was he was throwing
them all around somehow?
One of them landed right on its edge?
Yeah, best day of his life.
Yeah, it was crazy, right?
It was like a like a one
in a million shot, right?
But you saw it
with your own eyes, right?
So sometimes things that
are crazy, they happen,
but they're real, right?
Um
apropos of that,
Deputy Liv and I have reason to believe
that the serial killer
that we're tracking is
is an alien creature
that resembles an 8-foot
humanoid praying mantis.
You're kidding.
I'm not.
I saw it with my own eyes,
chomping on a deer, okay?
And the reason I needed to tell you
is because as we move forward,
we're gonna need to exercise
an extreme amount of caution.
You saw this thing,
this giant praying mantis?
That's right, in the woods.
Listen, I saw an alien.
I also see your face.
I see what you did there.
But all you did was go
from skeptical face
to neutral face, right?
That doesn't help me.
I want belief face.
What do you want me to say?
I want you to say that you believe me.
[SOFT MUSIC]
Wow!
So, wow. Okay, that's how it is.
You know what?
Fine.
I forgot you drove.
I'm not trying to jog 12 miles.
Wouldn't expect you to.
Okay, so we'll just have
an angry car ride back?
Now, that I definitely believe.
Oh! [LAUGHS] Okay.
That she believes. Okay.
♪
[GRUNTING, STRAINING]
Ho!
I mean, this grave is flawless.
These corners are,
like, exactly 90 degrees.
How could she wear daily
contact lenses for a month
but also do this?
I don't know.
She can barely button her
shirt right half the time.
Okay.
One, two, three!
Ugh!
Okay.
All right.
That's the Mantid off our to-do list.
Next up, Ben and Kate's baby?
Okay, you know we can't
take her back yet.
Yeah, I know.
The situation is just
driving me insane.
I know things are really bad right now,
but we just have to stay the course
and know everything is gonna be okay.
[PHONE BUZZES]
Did Judy send you a survey?
Yeah. I gave her five stars.
I mean, look at this.
Yeah, same.
- Hey.
- Hmm?
Remember, be subtle, okay?
We can't tip her off
that we're on to her.
Hi.
Hey. Day drink date?
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, yeah.
Remember when you said
I was abducted by aliens?
[LAUGHS]
Sorta.
I remember that I joke around a lot.
And also, I'm drunk a lot.
- So who knows what I've said?
- Right?
And who knows what Ben
is saying half the time.
Am I right? Or why.
- That's good.
- Why he's saying it.
- All right.
- Yeah, right.
Oh, you know, you guys need
to try the special margaritas.
I will be right back.
What the hell was that?
Shit, shit, shit, shit.
I took a shot.
You missed.
[EXHALES]
- Mmm.
- Mmm.
Sorry, he's he's all
into aliens right now
because we watched a documentary
about aliens recently.
Yeah, it was wild stuff.
It was on recently.
- I said that.
- Mm-hmm.
The documentary is
about how these aliens,
they abduct babies from women's wombs.
And then they they take
the womb babies,
and they raise them on spaceships.
Hoo, boy!
Can you believe that?
I can't believe it.
And I won't.
You gotta wonder who makes
these things up these days.
I've never had a baby.
So I don't I'm not in the headspace.
Or have you?
And you would not know if
an alien had already taken it.
Well, honey, she would know
if she was pregnant, at least.
Well, hang on, I think
that that's an HR violation
to ask if she was pregnant.
Okay, well, we're not in an office.
And I didn't ask.
I just said it hypothetically.
Have you been pregnant?
Okay, that's an HR violation.
Yeah, it is.
And I'm pretty triggered.
I'm gonna get some air.
[SIGHS]
Womb babies?
Ooh!
That is my jacket.
Thank you.
I could not find a blanket.
I do not like being cold.
So is this what you do every time
you refer a patient to Braddock?
Which, according to our
records, is 90% of the time.
I am human now, with a stupid
human brain just like yours.
I cannot learn how
to operate on a diseased
gallbladder in five seconds.
My patients should be grateful
I'm hiding from them.
But you're still
taking therapy sessions.
[LAUGHS]
Therapy is just
listening to complaints.
Okay.
So this late session that
you scheduled with Ben tonight
is about his mental health, right,
and not about you avoiding
Heather so you don't
have to tell her you're a human?
I'm supposed to be
the fake therapist, not you.
[SCOFFS]
Harry, you can't keep doing this.
[SOFT MUSIC]
Real relationships
are built on honesty.
If you hide parts of yourself,
then you're not being authentic.
And Heather deserves
to know who you really are.
Or does she deserve to be happy?
Because if I never tell her I'm human
and she always stays in her human form,
then we will both be happy.
Ben and Kate know I was on the ship!
[TENSE MUSIC]
- They said that?
- No.
But they know about the baby,
and they know I know about the baby.
Mrs. Mayor knows about the baby.
It came out in a hypnosis session.
I assume that she told
Mr. Mayor during one of their
leather-clad, oily, sexy,
nipple-clamp sex adventures.
Why didn't you tell us?
Because their sex life is private
between their doctor and their patient.
- I respect that.
- About the baby.
Oh.
Maybe I was in a Grey jail
on the moon for a month.
Does Kate know I have
anything to do with it?
No.
She only has memories from
before she saw you on the ship.
But it is possible
that the other memories
are starting to come back on their own.
So they know the Greys took the baby.
We have to tell them,
that she's safe at least.
Why don't you just put
the baby in an envelope
and mail it straight to the Greys?
He's right.
We saw the orbs interrogating her.
If we tell Kate that the baby
is okay, the Greys will know.
And then they'll just come
after us to get the baby.
So we're just not doing anything?
How are we okay with this?
Is nobody else bothered by this?
Yes, I am bothered by it.
But mostly, I'm cold.
[QUIRKY MUSIC]
And this jacket fits like a glove.
Get out.
You sure this is the spot
Mike saw the Mantid?
Yeah, I recognize
the tree I was behind.
It was the perfect pea tree,
two small limbs like handlebars.
How do you even know
it's gonna come back here?
I don't, but we have to try something.
Lena's gonna get hurt
if we can't prove to her
what's really out there.
I feel like maybe
this is 20% about Lena
and 80% about you getting a photo
so you can finally see an alien.
90% the last one.
Everyone gets to see an alien but me.
Even you saw the Loch Ness Monster
during your semester abroad.
[SOFT MUSIC]
Are you sure it wasn't just a big log?
I thought we were supposed
to be supportive of each other?
I know. Sorry.
I'm just jealous.
Hmm.
Hi!
How was your day?
I'm a human!
It was okay.
There was a fly in my office.
Ooh!
That must have been
so hard for you, human.
You must have been so annoyed.
You like this human stuff, huh?
Okay.
Well, I'm human right now.
Let's go work up
an appetite before dinner.
No, no.
Heather, my darling
I'm actually a human now.
The Greys, they stole my energy.
I no longer have an alien form.
Just this one.
What?
I've been human ever
since you came back.
That's why when you ask me to change,
I always say no because I cannot.
I'm sorry.
It's the truth.
Will you marry me?
What?
You're the love of my life, Harry,
whether you're alien or not.
Yeah, sure, okay, my parents
are gonna be very, very angry
'cause they're super racist
against humans, but
But there is something else
that I need to ask you.
You want me to stay
in human form to you.
When you are Avian
I don't find it as attractive?
It's very intimidating, like a vulture.
- [LAUGHS]
- Hmm.
Or like a too eager duck
who bites your finger
instead of the bread.
Harry, look, I
I want you to be comfortable with me.
If you want me to just have
one measly vagina,
that's what I'll do.
You would do that for me?
- So?
- Oh, my God!
- Do I get down, then?
- I think. I don't
I feel like we get down and you're up.
- I don't know. It feels weird.
- I just
yes! I will marry you!
Great!
- Hello!
- Oh, hello!
[LAUGHS]
How racist are your parents?
Hmm.
Pretty racist.
[LAUGHTER]
What about one with all of the colors?
Yes.
That's for sure what you should do.
And I'll do maybe, like,
this light doo-doo.
Mm-hmm.
All I know is, I think
my maid of honor will be my sister.
- Okay.
- Who will be your best man?
- Asta.
- Hmm.
Cool.
Kind of weird that your
best friend is a woman, but
[BIRD SQUEAKING]
Dad?
That is your father?
Dad, what are you doing here?
Well, hello, Mr. Heather.
I can [SCREAMS].
Son of a bitch!
- Dad, no!
- No! No!
It's a different time, Dad!
[BIRD SQUAWKING]
Oh, you think I care what
Mrs. Carmichael says?
She can eat a dick.
I don't want your money,
and we don't need your money.
Wait, wait. He's in the rafters!
He's in the rafters!
Sir!
Sir!
I just want to say I understand
that you're upset.
But I look forward to the moment
that I actually get to call you Dad.
- [BIRD SCREECHES]
- Dad, stop it!
Come on! Come on!
Where are you?
[BIRD SQUAWKING]
I haven't touched her cloaca.
I promise! Ow!
[SOFT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
Yeah, sorry, no drunks after closing.
Come on.
Can't a guy just stop by
to help an old friend?
Can. Never has.
What are you doing out so late?
I was just out
taking a walk to clear my head
and listen to my thoughts.
I tried that once.
Not a fan.
You know what I was thinking
about, actually, was, uh
that night that you came over
to tell me I was abducted.
I think that I was abducted
by aliens on that camping trip.
Then and, like, a million times since.
I think that you were right.
That doesn't sound like me.
D'Arce, I know that you know something.
And maybe maybe you felt weird
talking to Kate about it
and that's why you didn't,
but you know that you can talk to me.
Yeah, I know.
That's why we're talking now.
Hello! How are you, sir?
How is the weather today?
How are your stocks?
Are they up? Are they down?
No, come on. I'm serious.
I mean, you know that you
can be yourself around me.
Yeah.
I know.
How do you know I'm not?
The you that I know
is pretty blatantly honest.
Remember in high school, you
told me how you felt about me,
and I felt the same way, but I was just
too scared to say anything.
But you weren't.
This is that, okay?
So if there is anything
that I need to know about
that you're not telling me
anything, even if it's about aliens
[SOFT MUSIC]
I need you to please tell me.
No.
Nothing.
You swear?
I swear.
On Mrs. Fontaine's Ford Fiesta.
Vomit comet?
Yeah. Yep.
Okay.
Okay.
Have a good night.
♪
[LINE TRILLS]
[PHONE RINGING]
Hello?
Juje?
What?
You up for a drink?
Yeah.
I'll meet you at the 59.
[PHONE BEEPS]
♪
I'm here!
Your dad crapped
in the mashed potatoes.
I I bet I could
scrape that off the top.
Crap is a game over situation.
You're gonna wanna throw
that whole thing out.
And the bowl.
- Okay.
- And the spoon.
Harry, what's wrong?
This isn't going to work.
No, no, no, no.
I know my dad was angry.
Obviously, he was so angry.
But I think he's been
working out a ton,
and that had to be the steroids.
He said that if we get married,
that you will never see him
or your mother again.
I don't care about that.
Yes, you do.
You left me because Joseph
threatened your family.
They obviously mean everything to you.
You would lose that.
Well, it's worth it if I'm with you,
okay, because we're the family now
you, me, the kids.
No.
You're disgusting.
What was that?
Oh, I'm sorry.
No, I mean human language
is so clumsy.
I meant to say I find you disgusting.
Yes, it's still not great.
Your human form is all
that I can understand.
You are too great to have
to live with someone
who no longer has the
senses to appreciate
everything that you are.
My visual spectrum is restricted.
I can no longer smell you
with my entire body.
My taste is muted. My touch is numb.
Your true form makes me want to vomit.
Well, if I make you sick,
the kids can eat it.
We can make this work. I know we can.
No.
You deserve to have what we had before.
[MELANCHOLY MUSIC]
I can no longer give you that.
I am only what is left
after everything good
has been taken away.
No. No, that is not true.
You know that it is.
♪
Can you at least tell me
one more of your poems?
Say it in your language.
I've always found it so beautiful.
I would do anything for you.
♪
[SPEAKING GURGLING LANGUAGE]
[CHIRPING, WHISTLING]
♪
[DOORBELL TINKLES]
[SOFT MUSIC]
♪
I was upset.
I took things personally
and overreacted.
And I apologize.
Okay.
Wow, very efficient of you.
I've honed my skills.
What you want in a partner
is a constant willingness
to improve.
I agree with that.
But and don't worry.
I'm not asking you
to believe in aliens, okay?
We don't have to believe
in the same things,
just like we don't agree on everything.
Hell, I can think of lots
of things we don't agree on.
Crème brûlée is delicious.
It's disgusting.
Anyway, I need to keep
the people that I love safe.
So
even if you don't believe me,
please believe this.
What you are up against
is the most dangerous thing
in the world.
So I need you to promise that
while you're out there investigating,
that you're gonna be extra careful.
'Cause I can't
I can't lose you. I couldn't stand it.
I promise.
Okay.
Now, um, what was that
thing you said before?
Something about loving me?
Oh, well, I mean, I
I don't know. Maybe.
I say lots of things.
You love me.
I mean, if that's
what you heard, then
that's what you heard
because that's what I said.
I love you.
I love you too.
[LAUGHTER]
- Okay.
- Okay, then.
Okay.
I thought being honest
with Heather about who I am
would make me feel better.
But now I feel worse, and so does she.
Maybe this is why humans
hide how they feel.
Being your true self hurts too much.
[SOMBER MUSIC]
♪
Oh, don't worry. It's almond milk.
I cannot believe
I hate cow milk so much.
But then I hate myself for
loving almond milk this much.
I'm a basic bitch.
You're human.
That's all.
And I'm proud of you.
You know, it can't have been easy,
but you did the right thing.
You put Heather's needs above your own.
It's like you did with Jay.
Yeah.
You must truly love her
and your birdlings.
But now I'm sad all the time.
Being human is horrible.
It can be, yes, when things get bad.
But then they get good again.
When?
Um, I
I can't tell you exactly.
But things get bad,
but then they get good.
And bad.
But then good.
Everything is a cycle.
It's like the tide.
When I think about the tide,
I think about the moon that makes it
and how it is full of stolen babies.
Yeah, um,
I've had a lot of trouble
looking up at the sky
these days too.
But things will get good again?
Yes.
They always do.
[SOFT HOPEFUL MUSIC]
♪
Bye. Thank you.
I don't even like these pants.
It doesn't matter, okay?
We're gonna take them back
in three weeks
when you outgrow them.
- You hungry?
- Yeah.
But I'm actually going to
eat ice cream with Sahar.
All right, I love you.
Be safe, okay?
Ooh!
I'm gonna go get us
some cookies for later.
Hello. Uh
I will take two boxes of the mints
and two of the lemon, please.
- That'll be $18.
- Okay.
Great. There you go.
- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
And here's your change.
Thanks.
And this is yours too.
[TENSE MUSIC]
It's from your neck.
We don't even need that implant
to watch you.
We're watching you anyway.
Always.
So if you think you can get
away from us, you're wrong.
Because we're here.
[VOICE ECHOING] We're everywhere.
♪
Enjoy the cookies.
sync & corrections awaqeded
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪
Previously on "Resident Alien"
The alien implant is gone.
It looked like a little piece of glass.
Give me a simple yes or no.
Is that Kate's baby?
She was taken by aliens,
and then we were on a spaceship,
which is actually inside the moon.
I'm starting to remember.
She was there.
So how does this
time travel thing work?
I'll have you back to 1870 in no time.
1970!
The Greys stole my alien energy.
I need it back to kill
the Mantid, to save Earth.
Max took Bridget.
I think he's trying
to catch the Mantid.
Huh? Oh, hey, guys.
Heather.
Honey, I'm home.
[BLINK-182'S "WHAT'S MY AGE AGAIN?"]
We started making out
And she took off my pants
But then I turned on the TV ♪
And that's about the time
she walked away from me ♪
Nobody likes you when you're 23 ♪
And are still more amused
by TV shows ♪
What the hell is ADD?
My friends say I should act my age ♪
What's my age again?
What's my age again?
♪
Hey.
Hey, D'Arce.
What are you doing out here?
You don't wanna to welcome me home?
My parents are gonna be welcomed home
by a broken toilet
and urine on their bed.
[CHUCKLES]
How's your fancy Vermont ski school?
It's good.
I don't know.
I miss home.
Actually, I missed you.
I missed you, too, bud.
No, dummy, I mean, I
I really missed you.
I like you. Like, missed you.
I thought you were
dating all those ski guys?
Well, yeah,
but they're all kind of dumb.
Hot, though. They're really hot.
There was one model
Please stop.
Those guys aren't you.
You're serious?
I swear on Mrs. Fontaine's Ford Fiesta.
Vomit comet.
Boot and bomb it.
D'Arce!
Guys!
Judy, what the hell?
Somebody called the cops!
Run!
[SIRENS WAILING IN DISTANCE]
Ow!
[BROWN BIRD'S "BILGEWATER"]
[LAIDBACK ACOUSTIC STRUMMING]
♪
[CHICKS CHIRPING]
Say hi to your daddy, kids.
Hi!
Harry, I'd like you to meet
Charles, Aidan, Hayden,
Polly, Bloof, and Harry Jr.
Oh.
Well, they they definitely
have their daddy's nose.
Something feels different
about my Heather.
Harry, look, I know.
I know, okay? I get it.
It's a lot.
But I really do think that
you're gonna be a great father.
And I just
I have to tell you that
I've thought about you
every single day since I left.
I have thought about you, too, my love.
It's true.
I still love her as much as before.
But something is missing.
Is it because she left?
Is it because she betrayed me?
You're the love of my life,
and I am so, so sorry.
Oh, that's it.
Now that I am human,
I find her face repulsive.
Ugh. [CHUCKLES]
Ooh. [LAUGHS]
You know who caused all this?
- It was that Hybrid Grey Joseph.
- Oh.
He threatened my family, Harry,
and I I didn't know what to do.
But I I can't run anymore.
She looks like a haunted
piece of taxidermy.
Ugh.
Well, Joseph will not be a problem.
He only has one arm.
He no longer works for the Greys.
He's ugly.
I mean, unlike you,
who is the opposite of ugly.
Is there also a smell?
Harry, I'll never leave you again.
You're the most incredible,
beautiful being I have ever met.
And you and you are also
- beautiful.
- Aww.
I love how your your eyes
just bulge out from your face,
like a like a fish, but a bird.
Aww.
[LAUGHS]
No, no. Oh!
Oh-ho, your breath, it's
your breath is very
- gamey.
- Hmm.
[SNIFFS]
You know what, that's Mantid.
[LAUGHS]
Sorry, I totally
forgot to mention this.
I killed a Mantid, ate his guts.
Asta was out there.
I saved her damn life.
She did not thank me,
so kind of messed up.
You killed the Mantid?
- Yeah.
- That is great news!
It's outside under the canoe, FYI.
Yeah, I saved you some guts.
Are you hungry?
[RETCHES]
I mean, yum. Yum, yum, yum.
But not now, I think.
Not now, not now.
Okay, I'll put it
in here for safekeeping.
Are you serious?
Look, Harry, I know you
don't know if you can trust me.
I just wanna tell you that I love you.
And I hope that someday
you can forgive me.
[SENTIMENTAL MUSIC]
Of course, I forgive you, my love.
[LAUGHS] Thank you.
Not again. No. Ugh.
I'm gonna keep my eyes closed
so I don't get distracted
by all that beauty.
My love, what if we were
to reunite in human form?
Oh.
Yes, because you were
a human when you left me.
And we could just pretend.
If you take a human form now,
it will be like nothing ever happened.
Like time has gone backwards.
That is so romantic.
Yes!
I will see you in the bedroom.
Oh, I love it when you rub your
I wanna say, fuzz around your beak.
Yeah, that's my face fuzz.
It definitely doesn't
make your head look
like a moldy piece of fruit.
Hey, Harry.
I'm drenched.
[QUIRKY MUSIC]
♪
[RETCHES]
Wow.
That was a lot.
Yeah.
Sorry, the giant praying mantis
attack or going back in time?
How is me coming here to talk
about a plan for the baby
who was raised on a spaceship
the most normal part
of this conversation?
We don't have a plan yet. Sorry.
I know, I know. I get it.
I can't stop thinking about
how awful this whole thing is.
But it's too dangerous.
The Greys are still
watching Ben and Kate.
It's obvious from the cameras
I planted all over their house.
Okay, again, I am
an officer of the court.
Please stop telling me how
you two are breaking the law!
Who's breaking the law?
These two, all the time
with all their alien stuff.
[CLEARS THROAT]
But obviously
a protest to bring attention
to undocumented immigrants is
is very great.
So you two should keep doing that.
Well, let me know when the next one is.
I'll come with.
Cool.
Cool.
She doesn't know?
Of course she doesn't know.
Well, apparently, everyone else knows.
I said I'm sorry I didn't tell you.
You know, it would just
be nice to feel included,
especially when aliens
are trying to kill us all.
- [PHONE CHIMES]
- Oh, well, good news,
because Harry needs us to come
get rid of that Mantid alien body.
So, you wanna come?
Pass.
All right.
We were just trying to include you.
- That's what you said.
- Yeah.
Make sure you get the praying
mantis prayer hands right,
and also these things.
Oh, and of course, those big old eyes.
And remember,
they're not front-headed eyes.
They're side-headed eyes, like
two big-ass security cameras.
You know, the the bulgy kind.
The ones you see, like, up in
a yogurt shop in the corner.
I'm still trying to capture the,
"He was standing like a man who
just found out his roommate
wore his favorite pants."
Well, look, Deputy, I can't help it
if I'm a master of the simile,
all right?
And why are you being so surly, huh?
I told you in that cave, I said,
"Don't drink that water 'cause
you gonna have to piss.
And then you probably gonna
miss out on seeing an alien."
You remember that?
I don't remember that.
Huh.
♪
Ooh!
Now, Deputy,
that there is a work of art.
Who's peeing now?
Not me. Hi, Debra.
Third call this week
about a metal Sasquatch
up on the mountain.
Okay, uh, why don't you
go ahead and put in that file
I set up called "Wackadoodles
and Rooster Complaints."
Thank you, Debra.
And you heard that, right?
You'll need to tell
your cyborg Sasquatch friend
he needs to be a little more stealthy.
All right, the last thing we need
is more people going around
reporting seeing weird things.
Hell, we already got an alien that can
see how much yogurt you got.
I'm assuming you haven't told Lena?
Have I told Lena that
the killer's an alien?
Hell no.
I don't need her looking at me
the way I used to look at you.
No, no one needs that.
But you know you're not crazy.
[SIGHS]
No, I am not.
♪
Mantid Removal Experts LLC
at your service.
Just kidding.
We've never done this before.
We're not experts.
We're also not an LLC.
Hey, how's everything with Heather?
Is she [GASPS]
- Oh!
- Oh, Charles!
What the hell is that?
That is one of our darling children.
You should organize a large
group gift like a stroller,
as we have plenty of bibs and worms.
Hi, Asta. Hi, D'Arcy.
I see you guys met the kiddos.
Where's Charles?
Oh, he
Bridget!
Bridget! Bridget!
No! No!
You drop it! Drop!
[SQUAWKING]
Drop it! Drop it!
Ah!
Ha-ha!
There we go.
You!
He was playing. He was playing.
Looked more like eating.
Bet you want him back now, don't
Go play outside!
I bet you do. I bet you do.
But you don't even
need bath toys, do you,
'cause you're your own rubber ducky?
Yes, you are.
Yes, you are, little baby.
Bridget is a bad
Okay. I can see your faces.
Do not say anything.
Oh, I wanna say,
like, a thousand things.
So you're gonna raise alien bird babies
even though you're human?
Shh!
Heather does not know that I am human,
and you will not tell
her because you will
ruin everything if you do.
You have to tell her the truth.
Maybe she'll be okay with it.
I do not know if she would
because I will not be telling her.
Everything is perfect right now.
Hey, Harry, could you hand me that bag?
Just so you guys know,
I'm still nursing,
and I need to pump.
Get it, girl. Yeah.
- Total respect.
- Nice.
[RETCHING]
[GASPS]
[RETCHES]
I thought more was coming,
but it wasn't.
Oh, boy!
[RETCHING]
Oh!
Big load.
Uh-huh.
- Okay.
- Huh.
All set for tomorrow.
Oh, yeah, yeah, everything's perfect.
Oh!
The babies take after their father.
You can really see it in their cloacas.
Nope. I'm good.
Mm. You're a good mother.
You are a good daddy.
[CHUCKLES]
So, what's going on, Daddy?
Do you have a gift for Mommy today?
Oh, I got a gift.
It's the gift I've been giving ya.
Oh.
I give it, and I take it back.
Okay, well, give it.
I'll give it.
I'll regift it.
Yeah, regift it to me.
But I have a gift receipt
so I can take it back.
But I'll give it again.
Well, the store is
demanding all merchandise
- be brought to the store.
- Mmm.
And then we're gonna
shove it right back
at the people who bought it.
You might wanna take yours back.
It's got a crack in it.
Oh!
It's under warranty,
so it might have a recall.
All right?
- Well, you bought it on sale.
- Okay.
So the warranty doesn't count.
Hey! Hey!
Maybe not in front of the kids.
They know where they came from!
I mean not in front of me.
Okay.
Wow.
So great you're back together.
But also, there's a dead Mantid
under your canoe.
That's not a problem.
I mean, we can just bury it and
put a headstone on top of it
that says, "RIP, you dick."
Mm-hmm.
But we will not be
doing that because we
need to exchange gifts.
Mm-hmm.
Oy.
Stick it out!
[GRUNTING, MOANING]
[QUIRKY MUSIC]
♪
You know, we'll just take care of it.
I actually know exactly
who to call to dig a grave.
Ugh.
Huh?
You came to the right gal
for grave-digging.
When I worked at the cemetery
in high school,
the guys called me Deep Hole Judy,
'cause that was my nickname
when I got there.
You weren't creeped out
working at a cemetery?
No, not usually.
There was this one ghost
with a Southern accent.
[IN SOUTHERN BELLE ACCENT] Boo.
[NORMALLY] Hey, does this
have anything to do
with that serial killer
that's on the loose?
- [SCOFFS] Nah.
- Of course not.
You know what? No, do not tell me.
I only need to know three things
width, height, depth.
Uh, 4 by 9 by 6?
You gotta a 4x9x6er coming right up.
Judy's diggin' a big old hole ♪
Who's going in?
I don't know
I didn't ask questions
It's better that way
Does kissing a girl once
make you gay? ♪
Well, we can't just
sit here and do nothing.
And you're sure that you
saw D'Arcy on the ship?
For the hundredth time, yes,
she was on that ship.
It's it's like I had these
memories that were lost,
but they're beginning to come back.
She was there.
Okay, well, then this
can only mean one thing.
Exactly.
- D'Arcy was abducted.
- D'Arcy's an alien.
Two very different things.
Wait.
What if D'Arcy is like me,
and she had a baby that was
abducted before it was born?
Wow.
That's possible.
Gotta hand it to Agent Gardner,
jumping into a case in progress,
having to navigate all
the pre-existing team dynamics.
But everyone seems to love Jules.
She just really seems
to be fitting right in.
Yeah, mm-hmm.
Okay.
There's been something you've
wanted to tell me all night.
Can we just get it over with?
Let me guess.
You hate Jules being on this case.
Well, no.
You remember that
that story you told me
about your son playing
with the Magna-Tiles, right?
He was he was real young,
and he was he was throwing
them all around somehow?
One of them landed right on its edge?
Yeah, best day of his life.
Yeah, it was crazy, right?
It was like a like a one
in a million shot, right?
But you saw it
with your own eyes, right?
So sometimes things that
are crazy, they happen,
but they're real, right?
Um
apropos of that,
Deputy Liv and I have reason to believe
that the serial killer
that we're tracking is
is an alien creature
that resembles an 8-foot
humanoid praying mantis.
You're kidding.
I'm not.
I saw it with my own eyes,
chomping on a deer, okay?
And the reason I needed to tell you
is because as we move forward,
we're gonna need to exercise
an extreme amount of caution.
You saw this thing,
this giant praying mantis?
That's right, in the woods.
Listen, I saw an alien.
I also see your face.
I see what you did there.
But all you did was go
from skeptical face
to neutral face, right?
That doesn't help me.
I want belief face.
What do you want me to say?
I want you to say that you believe me.
[SOFT MUSIC]
Wow!
So, wow. Okay, that's how it is.
You know what?
Fine.
I forgot you drove.
I'm not trying to jog 12 miles.
Wouldn't expect you to.
Okay, so we'll just have
an angry car ride back?
Now, that I definitely believe.
Oh! [LAUGHS] Okay.
That she believes. Okay.
♪
[GRUNTING, STRAINING]
Ho!
I mean, this grave is flawless.
These corners are,
like, exactly 90 degrees.
How could she wear daily
contact lenses for a month
but also do this?
I don't know.
She can barely button her
shirt right half the time.
Okay.
One, two, three!
Ugh!
Okay.
All right.
That's the Mantid off our to-do list.
Next up, Ben and Kate's baby?
Okay, you know we can't
take her back yet.
Yeah, I know.
The situation is just
driving me insane.
I know things are really bad right now,
but we just have to stay the course
and know everything is gonna be okay.
[PHONE BUZZES]
Did Judy send you a survey?
Yeah. I gave her five stars.
I mean, look at this.
Yeah, same.
- Hey.
- Hmm?
Remember, be subtle, okay?
We can't tip her off
that we're on to her.
Hi.
Hey. Day drink date?
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, yeah.
Remember when you said
I was abducted by aliens?
[LAUGHS]
Sorta.
I remember that I joke around a lot.
And also, I'm drunk a lot.
- So who knows what I've said?
- Right?
And who knows what Ben
is saying half the time.
Am I right? Or why.
- That's good.
- Why he's saying it.
- All right.
- Yeah, right.
Oh, you know, you guys need
to try the special margaritas.
I will be right back.
What the hell was that?
Shit, shit, shit, shit.
I took a shot.
You missed.
[EXHALES]
- Mmm.
- Mmm.
Sorry, he's he's all
into aliens right now
because we watched a documentary
about aliens recently.
Yeah, it was wild stuff.
It was on recently.
- I said that.
- Mm-hmm.
The documentary is
about how these aliens,
they abduct babies from women's wombs.
And then they they take
the womb babies,
and they raise them on spaceships.
Hoo, boy!
Can you believe that?
I can't believe it.
And I won't.
You gotta wonder who makes
these things up these days.
I've never had a baby.
So I don't I'm not in the headspace.
Or have you?
And you would not know if
an alien had already taken it.
Well, honey, she would know
if she was pregnant, at least.
Well, hang on, I think
that that's an HR violation
to ask if she was pregnant.
Okay, well, we're not in an office.
And I didn't ask.
I just said it hypothetically.
Have you been pregnant?
Okay, that's an HR violation.
Yeah, it is.
And I'm pretty triggered.
I'm gonna get some air.
[SIGHS]
Womb babies?
Ooh!
That is my jacket.
Thank you.
I could not find a blanket.
I do not like being cold.
So is this what you do every time
you refer a patient to Braddock?
Which, according to our
records, is 90% of the time.
I am human now, with a stupid
human brain just like yours.
I cannot learn how
to operate on a diseased
gallbladder in five seconds.
My patients should be grateful
I'm hiding from them.
But you're still
taking therapy sessions.
[LAUGHS]
Therapy is just
listening to complaints.
Okay.
So this late session that
you scheduled with Ben tonight
is about his mental health, right,
and not about you avoiding
Heather so you don't
have to tell her you're a human?
I'm supposed to be
the fake therapist, not you.
[SCOFFS]
Harry, you can't keep doing this.
[SOFT MUSIC]
Real relationships
are built on honesty.
If you hide parts of yourself,
then you're not being authentic.
And Heather deserves
to know who you really are.
Or does she deserve to be happy?
Because if I never tell her I'm human
and she always stays in her human form,
then we will both be happy.
Ben and Kate know I was on the ship!
[TENSE MUSIC]
- They said that?
- No.
But they know about the baby,
and they know I know about the baby.
Mrs. Mayor knows about the baby.
It came out in a hypnosis session.
I assume that she told
Mr. Mayor during one of their
leather-clad, oily, sexy,
nipple-clamp sex adventures.
Why didn't you tell us?
Because their sex life is private
between their doctor and their patient.
- I respect that.
- About the baby.
Oh.
Maybe I was in a Grey jail
on the moon for a month.
Does Kate know I have
anything to do with it?
No.
She only has memories from
before she saw you on the ship.
But it is possible
that the other memories
are starting to come back on their own.
So they know the Greys took the baby.
We have to tell them,
that she's safe at least.
Why don't you just put
the baby in an envelope
and mail it straight to the Greys?
He's right.
We saw the orbs interrogating her.
If we tell Kate that the baby
is okay, the Greys will know.
And then they'll just come
after us to get the baby.
So we're just not doing anything?
How are we okay with this?
Is nobody else bothered by this?
Yes, I am bothered by it.
But mostly, I'm cold.
[QUIRKY MUSIC]
And this jacket fits like a glove.
Get out.
You sure this is the spot
Mike saw the Mantid?
Yeah, I recognize
the tree I was behind.
It was the perfect pea tree,
two small limbs like handlebars.
How do you even know
it's gonna come back here?
I don't, but we have to try something.
Lena's gonna get hurt
if we can't prove to her
what's really out there.
I feel like maybe
this is 20% about Lena
and 80% about you getting a photo
so you can finally see an alien.
90% the last one.
Everyone gets to see an alien but me.
Even you saw the Loch Ness Monster
during your semester abroad.
[SOFT MUSIC]
Are you sure it wasn't just a big log?
I thought we were supposed
to be supportive of each other?
I know. Sorry.
I'm just jealous.
Hmm.
Hi!
How was your day?
I'm a human!
It was okay.
There was a fly in my office.
Ooh!
That must have been
so hard for you, human.
You must have been so annoyed.
You like this human stuff, huh?
Okay.
Well, I'm human right now.
Let's go work up
an appetite before dinner.
No, no.
Heather, my darling
I'm actually a human now.
The Greys, they stole my energy.
I no longer have an alien form.
Just this one.
What?
I've been human ever
since you came back.
That's why when you ask me to change,
I always say no because I cannot.
I'm sorry.
It's the truth.
Will you marry me?
What?
You're the love of my life, Harry,
whether you're alien or not.
Yeah, sure, okay, my parents
are gonna be very, very angry
'cause they're super racist
against humans, but
But there is something else
that I need to ask you.
You want me to stay
in human form to you.
When you are Avian
I don't find it as attractive?
It's very intimidating, like a vulture.
- [LAUGHS]
- Hmm.
Or like a too eager duck
who bites your finger
instead of the bread.
Harry, look, I
I want you to be comfortable with me.
If you want me to just have
one measly vagina,
that's what I'll do.
You would do that for me?
- So?
- Oh, my God!
- Do I get down, then?
- I think. I don't
I feel like we get down and you're up.
- I don't know. It feels weird.
- I just
yes! I will marry you!
Great!
- Hello!
- Oh, hello!
[LAUGHS]
How racist are your parents?
Hmm.
Pretty racist.
[LAUGHTER]
What about one with all of the colors?
Yes.
That's for sure what you should do.
And I'll do maybe, like,
this light doo-doo.
Mm-hmm.
All I know is, I think
my maid of honor will be my sister.
- Okay.
- Who will be your best man?
- Asta.
- Hmm.
Cool.
Kind of weird that your
best friend is a woman, but
[BIRD SQUEAKING]
Dad?
That is your father?
Dad, what are you doing here?
Well, hello, Mr. Heather.
I can [SCREAMS].
Son of a bitch!
- Dad, no!
- No! No!
It's a different time, Dad!
[BIRD SQUAWKING]
Oh, you think I care what
Mrs. Carmichael says?
She can eat a dick.
I don't want your money,
and we don't need your money.
Wait, wait. He's in the rafters!
He's in the rafters!
Sir!
Sir!
I just want to say I understand
that you're upset.
But I look forward to the moment
that I actually get to call you Dad.
- [BIRD SCREECHES]
- Dad, stop it!
Come on! Come on!
Where are you?
[BIRD SQUAWKING]
I haven't touched her cloaca.
I promise! Ow!
[SOFT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
Yeah, sorry, no drunks after closing.
Come on.
Can't a guy just stop by
to help an old friend?
Can. Never has.
What are you doing out so late?
I was just out
taking a walk to clear my head
and listen to my thoughts.
I tried that once.
Not a fan.
You know what I was thinking
about, actually, was, uh
that night that you came over
to tell me I was abducted.
I think that I was abducted
by aliens on that camping trip.
Then and, like, a million times since.
I think that you were right.
That doesn't sound like me.
D'Arce, I know that you know something.
And maybe maybe you felt weird
talking to Kate about it
and that's why you didn't,
but you know that you can talk to me.
Yeah, I know.
That's why we're talking now.
Hello! How are you, sir?
How is the weather today?
How are your stocks?
Are they up? Are they down?
No, come on. I'm serious.
I mean, you know that you
can be yourself around me.
Yeah.
I know.
How do you know I'm not?
The you that I know
is pretty blatantly honest.
Remember in high school, you
told me how you felt about me,
and I felt the same way, but I was just
too scared to say anything.
But you weren't.
This is that, okay?
So if there is anything
that I need to know about
that you're not telling me
anything, even if it's about aliens
[SOFT MUSIC]
I need you to please tell me.
No.
Nothing.
You swear?
I swear.
On Mrs. Fontaine's Ford Fiesta.
Vomit comet?
Yeah. Yep.
Okay.
Okay.
Have a good night.
♪
[LINE TRILLS]
[PHONE RINGING]
Hello?
Juje?
What?
You up for a drink?
Yeah.
I'll meet you at the 59.
[PHONE BEEPS]
♪
I'm here!
Your dad crapped
in the mashed potatoes.
I I bet I could
scrape that off the top.
Crap is a game over situation.
You're gonna wanna throw
that whole thing out.
And the bowl.
- Okay.
- And the spoon.
Harry, what's wrong?
This isn't going to work.
No, no, no, no.
I know my dad was angry.
Obviously, he was so angry.
But I think he's been
working out a ton,
and that had to be the steroids.
He said that if we get married,
that you will never see him
or your mother again.
I don't care about that.
Yes, you do.
You left me because Joseph
threatened your family.
They obviously mean everything to you.
You would lose that.
Well, it's worth it if I'm with you,
okay, because we're the family now
you, me, the kids.
No.
You're disgusting.
What was that?
Oh, I'm sorry.
No, I mean human language
is so clumsy.
I meant to say I find you disgusting.
Yes, it's still not great.
Your human form is all
that I can understand.
You are too great to have
to live with someone
who no longer has the
senses to appreciate
everything that you are.
My visual spectrum is restricted.
I can no longer smell you
with my entire body.
My taste is muted. My touch is numb.
Your true form makes me want to vomit.
Well, if I make you sick,
the kids can eat it.
We can make this work. I know we can.
No.
You deserve to have what we had before.
[MELANCHOLY MUSIC]
I can no longer give you that.
I am only what is left
after everything good
has been taken away.
No. No, that is not true.
You know that it is.
♪
Can you at least tell me
one more of your poems?
Say it in your language.
I've always found it so beautiful.
I would do anything for you.
♪
[SPEAKING GURGLING LANGUAGE]
[CHIRPING, WHISTLING]
♪
[DOORBELL TINKLES]
[SOFT MUSIC]
♪
I was upset.
I took things personally
and overreacted.
And I apologize.
Okay.
Wow, very efficient of you.
I've honed my skills.
What you want in a partner
is a constant willingness
to improve.
I agree with that.
But and don't worry.
I'm not asking you
to believe in aliens, okay?
We don't have to believe
in the same things,
just like we don't agree on everything.
Hell, I can think of lots
of things we don't agree on.
Crème brûlée is delicious.
It's disgusting.
Anyway, I need to keep
the people that I love safe.
So
even if you don't believe me,
please believe this.
What you are up against
is the most dangerous thing
in the world.
So I need you to promise that
while you're out there investigating,
that you're gonna be extra careful.
'Cause I can't
I can't lose you. I couldn't stand it.
I promise.
Okay.
Now, um, what was that
thing you said before?
Something about loving me?
Oh, well, I mean, I
I don't know. Maybe.
I say lots of things.
You love me.
I mean, if that's
what you heard, then
that's what you heard
because that's what I said.
I love you.
I love you too.
[LAUGHTER]
- Okay.
- Okay, then.
Okay.
I thought being honest
with Heather about who I am
would make me feel better.
But now I feel worse, and so does she.
Maybe this is why humans
hide how they feel.
Being your true self hurts too much.
[SOMBER MUSIC]
♪
Oh, don't worry. It's almond milk.
I cannot believe
I hate cow milk so much.
But then I hate myself for
loving almond milk this much.
I'm a basic bitch.
You're human.
That's all.
And I'm proud of you.
You know, it can't have been easy,
but you did the right thing.
You put Heather's needs above your own.
It's like you did with Jay.
Yeah.
You must truly love her
and your birdlings.
But now I'm sad all the time.
Being human is horrible.
It can be, yes, when things get bad.
But then they get good again.
When?
Um, I
I can't tell you exactly.
But things get bad,
but then they get good.
And bad.
But then good.
Everything is a cycle.
It's like the tide.
When I think about the tide,
I think about the moon that makes it
and how it is full of stolen babies.
Yeah, um,
I've had a lot of trouble
looking up at the sky
these days too.
But things will get good again?
Yes.
They always do.
[SOFT HOPEFUL MUSIC]
♪
Bye. Thank you.
I don't even like these pants.
It doesn't matter, okay?
We're gonna take them back
in three weeks
when you outgrow them.
- You hungry?
- Yeah.
But I'm actually going to
eat ice cream with Sahar.
All right, I love you.
Be safe, okay?
Ooh!
I'm gonna go get us
some cookies for later.
Hello. Uh
I will take two boxes of the mints
and two of the lemon, please.
- That'll be $18.
- Okay.
Great. There you go.
- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.
And here's your change.
Thanks.
And this is yours too.
[TENSE MUSIC]
It's from your neck.
We don't even need that implant
to watch you.
We're watching you anyway.
Always.
So if you think you can get
away from us, you're wrong.
Because we're here.
[VOICE ECHOING] We're everywhere.
♪
Enjoy the cookies.
sync & corrections awaqeded
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
♪