The Brady Bunch (1969) s04e04 Episode Script

1
Here's the story
Of a lovely lady
Who was bringing up
Three very lovely girls
All of them had hair of gold ♪
Like their mother
The youngest one in curls ♪
It's the story of a man named Brady ♪
Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪
They were four men living all together ♪
Yet they were all alone ♪
Till the one day
when the lady met this fellow ♪
And they knew that it was
much more than a hunch ♪
That this group
must somehow form a family ♪
That's the way we all
became the Brady Bunch ♪
The Brady Bunch
The Brady Bunch
That's the way
we became the Brady Bunch. ♪
( Alarm buzzing )
( Buzzing stops )
Okay, you guys, up and at 'em.
Come on, it's the first day of school.
Yeah, we'll be locked up
for the rest of the year.
Ah, look at the bright side.
It's only 111 more days
till Christmas vacation.
I'll be finished in a minute, Cindy.
Don't rush.
Well, you don't want to be late
for the first day of school, do you?
Speak for yourself.
Hi, Mom. Bye, Alice!
Bye, kids, bye!
Well, Alice, the old production line
hasn't lost its zip.
Yeah, well, one more to go
and then we're zipped up.
Ooh! I think I better go see
what's keeping Marcia.
I just don't feel too well, Mom.
Well, you don't seem to have a fever.
Does it hurt any place?
Kind of all over.
And I've got a funny
feeling in my stomach.
What a shame!
Your first day in high school, too.
I think I'd better call the doctor.
I'll be all right.
I'll feel better tomorrow, I'm sure.
I'm not taking any chances, Marcia.
Please, Mom, I don't need a doctor.
Marcia, I know how much
you're looking forward
to high school
but if you're sick, you need a doctor.
Now just relax. I'll be back in a minute.
Now how will I convince
the doctor that I'm sick?
The doctor should be
down any minute, Alice.
Oh, I'm sure it's nothing
at all, Mrs. Brady.
I wonder if Marcia could have eaten
something that didn't agree with her.
No offense, Alice.
No offense.
Besides, she ate
exactly the same as we all did last night
except she skipped dessert.
If anybody should have
an upset stomach
it should be Bobby.
He not only ate his dessert
but he ate hers as well.
Come to think of it, he also ate mine.
Mrs. Brady?
Yes, Doctor?
How is she?
Mrs. Brady, there's not a thing
wrong with Marcia physically, that is.
Well, what about her upset stomach?
I'd say it was nerves.
She seems worried and
upset about something.
Anything unusual happen lately?
No, not that I can think of.
Doctor, could the first
day in a new school
cause this kind of reaction?
Oh, indeed it could.
This time of year, we have quite
an epidemic of "new school it is."
Then that must be what it is.
Well, there's no doubt about it,
then there's your problem.
Well, at least that gets
my pot roast off the hook.
I'm sure you know the prescription
for new school it is, Mrs. Brady.
Yes, I think I do, doctor.
First thing in the morning
have Marcia take a good vigorous walk
straight to her first class.
Tomorrow?
I don't think I can.
It's not just my stomach.
My throat feels kind of scratchy.
Marcia, the doctor says
there is no reason
you can't go to school tomorrow.
Honey, there's nothing to be afraid of.
Afraid?! Who's afraid?
I am.
Why?
What is it, honey?
It's this.
What your awards from junior high?
"Marcia Brady: Debating team."
"Editor of the Fillmore Flyer."
"Senior class president."
Well, honey, that just proves
that you were a very popular girl.
"Were" is right.
All my best years are behind me.
Oh, come on, Marcia.
You're going to go to high school
not a home for the aged.
Besides, all my friends
are going to Tower High
and I have to go to Westdale
just because of
the dumb street we live on.
That's it. That's what I thought.
Oh, honey, you'll make friends
in high school in no time.
I'll be a nobody.
Marcia Brady: Miss Anonymous.
Marcia, there's an old saying:
You can't take a step forward
with both feet still on the ground.
And it'll be a lot easier
to take that first step than you think.
I'll try, but I'll bet my foot
lands right in my mouth.
Hey!
Hi!
Hey, come over here.
Guess what I'm doing.
You're Dr. Frankenstein
and you're building a monster.
No, I joined the science club at school
and I'm building a volcano.
And when I'm finished,
I can make it erupt.
And when it erupts
smoke's going to come out.
Real molten lava's going
to ooze all over the place.
Good luck.
A word of advice.
Any of that gets on the patio,
Alice will kill you.
Hi.
Hi.
Guess what I'm doing.
You're building a chicken coop?
No, I'm building a volcano.
And when it's finished,
I can make it erupt,
and smoke's gonna come out
and lava's gonna ooze all over the place.
If you get any of that on
the patio, Alice will kill you.
Hi.
Hey, what are you doing?
Aw, you wouldn't be interested.
How do you know?
Because nobody else around here is.
Well, maybe we are. Yeah.
Well, I joined the science club at school
and I'm building a volcano.
And when I'm finished,
I can make it erupt.
And when it erupts, smoke will come out
and lava's gonna ooze all over the place.
Boy, that sounds real neat.
It does?
Yeah. Can we help you?
Sure.
All right. Oh, good.
But I got to warn you.
If you get any on the patio,
Alice will kill you.
Okay.
Come on, let's go.
GREG: Dad?
Yeah?
Mom said you wanted to talk to me?
Oh, yeah, Greg, listen.
I want to talk to you about Marcia.
She's not real sick, is she?
No, no, she's not sick at all.
She's just so uptight about high school
she's come down with
some imaginary symptoms.
What's she uptight about?
She was a big wheel in junior high.
Well, you see, that's the problem.
I think she's afraid
she'll develop a flat tire.
That's so funny.
But she shouldn't have any problem.
I mean, she's a cool chick.
Well, I agree, but she is worried.
Hmm.
You know something, Dad?
Now that I think about it
I was a little uptight
when I started there, too.
All my friends went to a different school.
Well, it's the same with her
so you know how she feels.
Exactly.
I had butterflies in my stomach
I thought were woodpeckers.
Greg, I think you could help her.
Introduce her around a little bit.
Sort of break the ice for her.
Because once she gets started
she'll be all right.
Okay, Dad.
Good man.
In fact, football practice starts tomorrow.
That'd be a good chance
to introduce her to some of the guys.
Hey, now that's a good idea.
Marcia, could you hurry it up?
I'd like to meet some guys
before first period.
Do you mind if I finish my breakfast?
Not if it doesn't turn into your lunch.
Marcia, you had better drink up.
It's getting late.
Yeah, come on. Let's make tracks.
Oh, wait a minute. I forgot something.
I'll be down in a minute.
Mom
Okay.
She's just stalling.
All right, honey, be patient with her.
She'll make it.
Yeah, okay.
But if you want me
to introduce her around,
I'd better do it before
I graduate next year.
Oh, it's not that bad.
No, that's definitely junior high.
( Sighs )
That's not sophisticated either.
You look like an immature child.
GREG: Marcia, how about it?
Just a minute!
Well, if you can't look sophisticated
maybe you can act sophisticated.
GREG ( yells): Marcia!
( Angrily ): I'm coming!
( Calmly ): I'm coming, Gregory.
Well, how do you like Westdale High?
It's not much bigger than a junior high.
( School bell rings )
Is that the bell for the first period?
Relax, it's just a warning bell.
YOUNG MAN: Hi, Greg.
Hi. Oh, hey, guys
could you come here for a minute?
Listen, I'd like you to meet
my sister, Marcia.
This is Tom Peterson and Dick Corsup.
Hi. Hi.
I'm delighted to meet you, boys.
Um, Marcia's just starting here this term.
Uh it's so beneficial for me
to be away from those
children in junior high
and to be with people of
my own, uh mature growth.
Yeah well, we hope you like it
here at Westdale.
I'm positive that'll be the case.
I'm looking forward to
the intellectual stimulation.
Well, see you, boys.
Bye.
What's with your sister?
I'm not sure that was my sister.
Hi, Dad.
Hi, Pete.
Hey, how's your volcano coming?
Great. Right now
it's in what us scientists
call the "caldera stage."
Caldera stage, huh?
Looks more like it's in the
chicken wire period to me.
Hi, honey, how'd school go?
Gee, what's with her?
I don't know.
When I'm finished
I'm going to make it erupt.
Later, Peter, I think we got
another eruption on our hands.
And little puffs of smoke
are going to come out
and lava's going to ooze
all over the place.
MIKE: Marcia?
I want to talk to you.
Honey, what happened in school today?
Nothing, Dad, zero.
It started out terrible and got worse.
( Door opening )
Greg?
( Door slams )
MIKE: Greg?
What?
What happened to Marcia
in school today?
She acted like a jerk,
that's what happened.
She made a jerk out of me.
"It's so beneficial for me
to be away from those
children in junior high."
Wait a minute, I don't understand.
"I'm looking forward to
the intellectual stimulation."
Oh! I wish you hadn't asked me
to introduce her around.
MARCIA: So that's why you did it.
Even my own father knew
I wouldn't be popular.
I hate high school!
I hate it! I hate it!
( Knocking )
MIKE: Marcia?
CAROL: Can we come in for a minute?
Door's open.
Honey, I'm sorry.
I was only trying to be helpful
when I asked Greg to introduce you
to kids at school.
You yourself said
you didn't know anybody.
It never entered our minds
that you wouldn't find friends
or be popular.
I guess I'm uptight about it.
I'm sorry.
It just looked like everybody
thought I'd be a washout.
No way not if you'll just be yourself.
I was trying to act
mature and sophisticated.
Oh, boy!
You know what I actually
said to Greg's friends?
"I'm looking forward to
the intellectual stimulation."
When I think about it, I get sick.
Well, honey, try not to think about it.
Marcia, you'll have lots
of friends at school
before you know it.
Sure. Especially if you get involved
in school activities.
Yeah, join a club
you know, something that
you're really interested in.
It's a good idea.
You really said, "I'm looking forward
to the in tell"?
You really said it.
( laughs )
( Sighs )
PETER: More mud.
BOBBY: More mud.
CINDY: Mud coming up.
( Giggling )
That might be a little too much.
Come on, I want it.
Before it dries.
Coming. It won't dry.
Boy, science is great.
Yeah.
Pete, are you going to
get your volcano to work?
I got it all figured out.
How?
I got it all figured out.
How?
I told ya I got it all figured out.
I see.
You don't have it all figured out.
Sure he's got it all figured out.
How do you know?
He told me.
Yeah. You just wait and see.
Little puffs of smoke
are going to come out,
and lava's going to ooze out
and run down the sides.
It's going to be sensational.
Let me know when you
get it all figured out.
More mud. More mud.
Mud coming up.
Are you covering the volcano with mud,
or is the volcano covering you?
We've been working hard, Alice.
Well, it's about two hours till dinner,
and if you start cleaning up right now,
you might possibly make it by dessert.
Inside.
Go. Go.
Come on, you guys.
We'll finish the volcano later.
If they get any more dirt on the patio,
I'm going to kill them.
Greg?
Yeah?
Can I talk to you for a minute?
What about?
( Sighs )
I just wanted to say I'm sorry
if I made you feel embarrassed.
I know you were only trying to help.
It's okay.
But from now on, be yourself, okay?
I really acted like a jerk
in front of your friends.
Yeah, you did, but don't worry about it.
Sometimes they act kind of jerky, too.
I guess I'll feel more at home
after I get to know some of the kids.
Sure.
And you know what?
I'm going to get in involved
in some of the school activities.
Maybe join a club.
There's plenty of 'em.
Just look at that bulletin board.
First week of school, all
the clubs have their notices up.
Ceramics that club sounds like fun.
Well, hardly anyone joins that one.
Scuba's one of the most popular clubs.
Karate's very popular, too.
Well, see ya.
Bye.
Hi.
Hi.
Listen, when are you
kids going to start?
( Screams )
( Marcia laughs )
It's me, Alice.
( laughs )
For a minute there,
I thought it was the Creature
from the Black Lagoon.
They loaned me the outfit
from the scuba club.
I'm just seeing if it fits.
Hmm.
Whoops.
My sister, the frog lady.
It's hard to walk in these.
You're not supposed to walk in them.
You're supposed to swim in them.
Well, that's going to be kind of hard to do
here in the bedroom.
What did you join the scuba club for?
I hate the idea of going underwater,
but scuba's one of the most
popular clubs in school.
Maybe so. They wouldn't get me
into one of those suits,
even if they promised me
mouth-to-mouth resuscitation
with Cary Grant.
( Sighs )
Sorry.
Don't tell me.
It's the William Tell Club, right?
How'd you guess?
I just took a shot in the dark.
Ha!
Ha!
Ha!
Ha!
Ha! Ha! Watch it.
Ooh, you must be very noisy
with that whole club ha-ing
at the same time.
I feel pretty silly doing it, too.
Well, as long as you enjoy it.
I'm not sure I do,
but it's a very popular club.
Ha!
( laughing )
Well, get a load of you.
What's so funny?
I guess you just don't make
the karate scene.
Ha! Ha! Ho! Ha! Ha! Ha!
( Chuckles )
Thanks a lot, Greg.
Ha!
It really works!
( laughing )
( Forced laughter )
( Giggling )
There's a great special on TV tonight.
Yeah, I read about it.
I wonder what channel
Hi.
Honey, what in the world are you doing?
I'm practicing for the yoga club.
Don't overdo it.
Hey, can I have
a meeting here tomorrow?
Then we can see
the whole club standing on its head.
It's not a meeting of the yoga club.
It's just the judging committee
of the Westdale Boosters.
They're really something special.
Another club, Marcia?
The Boosters are the most popular club,
and they only take in
three freshmen a year,
and I'll know tomorrow
if they'll accept me.
Honey, aren't you spreading
yourself a little thin?
I mean, scuba, archery,
ceramics, yoga, karate,
and now the Westdale Busters?
Boosters. Uh, Boosters.
You left out stamp collecting and drama.
Uh
You look a little shorter.
I'm only doing what you said
getting involved with the kids at school.
Yeah, we did say that.
Well, thanks about
the club meeting tomorrow.
Well, the only thing left
is the boys' swimming team.
Oh, don't give her any ideas.
Okay, stand back.
I've got to see what I'm doing.
Okay, now, when I connect
these two little wires
Little puffs of smoke will come out
And lava will ooze out
All over the sides of the volcano.
You told us a hundred times.
Now do it with the volcano
and not your mouth.
Okay now, you're ready?
Yes, we're ready.
Okay one, two
You're sure you're ready?
Ready. Ready. Ready.
Come on, let's go.
Okay.
Three.
Great volcano, Peter. Great.
Wonderful. Really good.
Wonderful piece of
equipment. See ya later.
See ya later.
Hey, maybe there's just
something wrong with the battery.
Wait till I get a new battery.
It will work like crazy.
Oh, I thought it would be nice
to have the meeting
out here on the patio.
What's that?
Oh my brother's volcano.
Couldn't we get rid of it for the meeting?
It looks so dirty.
Well, he's kind of still working on it,
and I'd hate to have him move it.
Well, I guess it's all right.
Gather around, Boosters.
Yeah, everybody take a seat.
Marcia, we discussed your application,
voted on it,
and I'm happy to say,
decided to accept you
as a member of the Boosters.
Oh! Wow.
I don't know what to say,
except that I'm honored.
You should be.
We're a very special group,
and we only associate
with certain kinds of kids.
Certain kinds of kids?
You know kids who are our equals.
You can only date boys
who are letter men on teams
or in the top ten of their class.
And then when you ( whistling )
Peter, we're having a meeting.
That's okay.
I just want to see
if this new battery works.
As I was saying,
we have a certain image to present,
so you'll have to check with us
on what you wear.
What I wear?
Hey, everybody,
come over here and watch this.
Okay, here she goes.
( Crackles )
( Crackles )
It works it works!
Now watch the lava ooze out.
Do we have to be interrupted
by that childish toy?
( Girls screaming )
Peter, turn it off!
Boy, did it ever work!
( laughing )
( laughing )
You stupid kid!
You want to see something stupid?
You should see your face.
( laughing )
What in the world happened?
My volcano worked.
( laughing )
Yeah, like Mount Vesuvius.
I guess I need a smaller battery.
I'll get some towels, Mrs. Brady.
( Marcia laughing )
If you think this is so funny
I'm not too sure you're
the type for the Boosters.
I'm sure I'm not the type
because I do think this is funny.
Come on, Boosters. Let's go.
Oh, girls, we're getting you some towels.
No, thank you, Mrs. Brady.
You know, Mom,
you and Dad were right
about my overdoing it.
I was doing anything and everything
just to be popular.
Well, dear, you were trying
for instant popularity.
Like we said, just be yourself,
and you'll be popular.
Dirty, but popular.
I'm giving up all my clubs
except for the one that I really like.
Ceramics?
Hmm, they use clay,
don't they, in ceramics?
Come on, let's try
and get you cleaned up.
( Crackles )
( low rumble )
He was right.
It really works.