Happy Days (1974) s04e05 Episode Script

1
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
The weekend comes, my cycle hums ♪
Ready to race to you ♪
These days are ours ♪
These days are ours ♪
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right it can't be wrong ♪
Rocking and rolling all week long ♪
(organ solo plays over rhythmic hand claps)
Sunday, Monday, happy days ♪
Tuesday, Wednesday, happy days ♪
Thursday, Friday, happy days ♪
Saturday, what a day ♪
Groovin' all week with you ♪
These days are ours ♪
These days are ours ♪
These happy days ♪
Are yours and mine ♪
These happy days are yours ♪
! ♪
Take out the papers and the trash ♪
.
If you don't scrub that kitchen floor ♪
You ain't gonna rock ♪
Come on, Al, let's see you smile.
You know, you're cute when you smile.
Oh, yeah. Come on, Al, let's give a little twinkle.
Come on, Al, a little smile.
(all talking)
Oh, hey, Al.
What am I doing?
I paid $65 for those baseball caps
and those T-shirts, and the team gets clobbered.
.
Oh, is that right?
What's the newspaper going to say?
"Potsie Loses"?
No. They're going to say.
"Arnold's Drive-In Slaughtered
by Sally's Knit and Yarn Shop."
We had an off day.
Richie, four to three is an off day.
24 to three is slaughtered.
I'm really aggravated.
Hey, Al? Huh?
Heard your team got clobbered.
Look, they had an off day.
It could happen to anybody.
It's a great bunch of guys here.
They're all coming back.
Win a game, will you?
It's embarrassing.
I seem to get the feeling Al's sorry he's sponsoring us.
Ah, forget Al. What time are your folks leaving on vacation?
They're leaving at 4:00, and at 4:01, the party begins.
All right. All right.
I'm going to bring my bongos.
Day, ee-dah-day, ee-dah-day, ee-dah-day ♪
Oh, daylight comes and they want to go home Oh!
Ralph, my parents are leaving,
but the neighbors are staying.
RALPH: Don't worry. Don't worry. I'll keep
the noise down.
Oh, sure, just like you did at Potsie's party?
That was different.
Our neighbors hated us before the party.
Uh, excuse me?
Which one of you is Richie?
Two against one.
I I guess I'm Richie.
Hello.
My name is Louisa Corrigan, and I'm looking for Fonzie.
Does he know that?
No.
Haven't seen him in a long time.
At least nine months.
Oh, come on.
Now don't kid an expectant mother.
Well-Well, listen, uh,
Fonzie usually comes in here after work.
He should be here pretty soon.
Oh, thank you very much.
You're sweet.
Well, I guess I'll wait for him.
It's important.
Yeah, I'll bet you it's important, yeah.
Pretty important stuff.
Boy, Fonz is gonna have to get a new address and fast.
I better go tell him. No, wait.
Hey, will you cool it, Ralph?
Why?
This is not kid stuff.
Fonzie's going to have to do right by this girl.
Well, guys, if he won't marry her, I will.
RALPH & RICHIE: Oh, sit on it!
Who's sorry now? ♪
How are you, my lads? How are you?
We're okay, Fonz, but you know, uh,
there's this girl, and she's looking for you.
Just one, Ralph, huh? Hey. (Laughs)
Fonz? Yeah?
I think you'd better sit down here
and let us talk to you for a minute.
No, I don't have time. I don't have time.
I got a date tonight.
I've got to limber up my fingers on the pinball machine.
(all talking) Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
I need some quiet. I got to concentrate.
All right, my little ball, do your stuff.
Whoa!
Fonz, about this girl, uh,
she looks like that she's, uh very nice.
Uh, her name is Louisa.
Hey, Louisa, Marie I can't keep track, huh?
Well, this girl's different, Fonz.
This girl could shake you up.
I usually shake them up.
Don't I, Malph? I usually shake 'em up.
The ball stay up.
Uh, did he come in yet?
Um, excuse me?
Hi. I'm Louisa.
Hi. I'm Potsie Weber.
♪♪
Oh. Oh, Joanie, you've got too much in this suitcase.
Your father gets upset when you take too much on trips.
But I need everything.
I have many moods now.
I'm a mysterious woman.
You're a strange girl.
Now help me close this suitcase.
Oh, let's face it.
We need an elephant to get this closed.
Hey, Marion?
I can't find my golf bag.
Oh, you need some help with that?
Yes, dear. Yes.
Here, let me give you a hand.
All right, let me know when you got it.
(click) Okay?
No. Wait.
(click)
Okay. Okay?
Got it. Okay.
Right. Oh, see?
It didn't really take an ele
Uh, go upstairs, dear, and find your father's golf bag.
Dad, don't bend your left elbow.
(banging at door)
RICHIE: Hey, the door's stuck.
Oh, for
Is that still broken?
Now you should fix that, Howard.
You're in hardware.
It's not broken, Marion.
It's the dampness. It-It swells.
.
Okay.
Oh, hey, Mr. C.
Uh, we were just wondering
if I could have a house guest while you go on vacation.
Well, of course you can, Fonzie.
I mean, it's your apartment.
You can have anybody there you want.
Now, if you'll excuse me
Well, Dad, now the thing is
It's all right, Louisa. Come on in. Thank you.
Oh. Hello, hello.
Hi. Hi.
Oh, hi
She?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
See, uh, this is Louisa, the house guest,
and this is, uh, the Cunningham Family,
your average American family.
How do you do?
How do you do? How do you do?
I thought that she should stay here
instead of Fonzie's room,
because, uh, well, I'm responsible.
What?
You, Richard?!
You get such good grades.
JOANIE: Dad?
Dad? Dad,
I found your baby?
Uh, Joanie
All right, now, time out here, time out.
I made the same mistake myself.
This is Mrs dig it?
Mrs. Corrigan.
Yeah, her husband is a very good friend of mine.
HOWARD: (laughing) Oh.
Oh, Richard, I love you.
Yeah, I-I know, Mom.
I know. FONZIE: Yeah, right.
You see, uh, I'm responsible
because I invited her to stay in Joanie's room.
Yeah, her, uh her husband,
Danny Corrigan is an old buddy of mine.
Danny's on a cross-country race.
He sent me to stay with Fonzie
till he gets back.
And-And the baby's not due
for two weeks yet.
You're certainly welcome in our house.
I mean, anyone with a husband can sleep in Joanie's room.
Well, good luck to you.
We have to go.
Good luck to you, too.
Now, Richard will show you Joanie's room,
and if there's any trouble, now, Richard has our number.
Okay. Thank you.
HOWARD: Come on, Marion. Well, wait a minute.
Wait a minute, wait a minute. Don't take the long way.
What about the front door? Oh, forget it.
It swells. Oh, Dad, let him try.
It doesn't work, Fonzie.
Hey.
Now, remember, if anything happens to Louisa,
boil water and tear sheets.
Thank you, Florence Shortcake Nightingale.
Are they gone? FONZIE: Yeah.
All right, it's party time!
Uh, Cunningham, what do you mean, party time?
Oh, I got a biggie planned, Fonz.
I got potato chips.
I got three different kinds of pretzels.
I got six different kinds of soda.
Uh, Cunningham, you want to get back where you were?
Three kinds of pretzels?
I understand that, but you can't have a party here
with an expectant mother.
Why not? She said she didn't want to be any trouble.
Because the party's gonna keep her up all night, that's why.
You know that Danny is my oldest friend.
He was on the back of my bike when I got my first ticket.
Okay.
I'm gonna go over to Arnold's and stay out real late.
Cunningham? Ooh!
Listen, I don't think you understand.
You've got to stay here with Louisa.
You mean, in case of an emergency?
No, in case she wants to mambo.
I knew that, but I thought you were gonna stay with her.
Me? Yeah, Fonz.
You remember?
You know, you and Danny, best friends,
ticket on the motorcycle.
All that's true. All that's true.
But let me tell you something.
The thing is, I got one of my A plus evenings planned.
Oh. Well, I-I don't know how to say this, Fonz, but, uh,
I don't think that's very fair.
Not fair, huh?
Well, don't let it be said that I am not a man of justice.
Great, I'll see you later, Fonz.
Cunningham, you want
to get back right here where you were?
This is what we're gonna do, Red.
We're gonna tell each other about our evenings,
and the one with the more interesting evening leaves.
I have a date with the Aloha Pussycats.
They're that-that dancing group at the Hawaiian Room,
aren't they? That's right.
Which one are you going out with?
All of 'em.
Well, that's not a bad evening.
Hey, for a Monday, for a Monday.
And you, sir?
Well, see, uh,
I was thinking that I'd go over to Arnold's
Oh, yeah.
And I'd-I'd meet Ralph and Potsie there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And, uh, we'd look around
for some chicks, you know what I mean?
Right, right.
(laughs): And Potsie'd talk about his appendix scar.
He still does that, huh? Yeah.
And, uh And-And Ralph would tell some
of his moron jokes.
And we'd order some French fries or something, you know
I guess I'll stay.
See ya.
Look out, girls.
Put on your grass skirts.
The Fonz is coming along with a lawnmower.
(imitates lawnmower humming)
La, la-la, la ♪
La, la-la, la ♪
La, la-la, la ♪
La, la-la, la. ♪
Well, I think it's getting late.
I should get the baby to bed.
Oh, uh, here, let me help you.
No, that's all right, I got it.
Uh, there. Thank you.
Listen, um, how come you get stuck with me every night?
Oh, well, it's not stuck, no.
It's lots of fun.
Oh. Three nights in a row?
Come on.
I thought Fonzie was supposed to stay with me.
Well, normally, he would, he would, except that,
well, he's entertaining some special friends from Hawaii.
He'll probably be in late.
Oh. Well, thank you for staying with me.
Oh, that's all right.
You know, Richie, you really are very nice.
Good night.
Nice.
Mr. Nice.
I'll probably be voted the nicest kid in my class.
I'll wind up on the All-Star Nice Team.
Pat Boone, Kate Smith, Captain Kangaroo and me.
I'm talking to a stuffed doll.
Man, I got to get off that team.
(knocking)
RALPH: Open up, Rich, quick!
Well, it's stuck. You got to push!
RALPH: Okay. One, two.
POTSIE: Don't push me, Ralph!
RALPH: Three!
(grunts)
Good work, Pots.
A guy can get killed coming into this place.
I didn't invite you.
Maybe so, but boy, are you going to be glad we're here.
Rich, we just picked up
some chicks at Arnold's.
It was easy.
They didn't know us.
Look, I'm stuck here,
so I don't want to hear anything about chicks.
I'm not listening, you see?
What's with you?
(humming "Camptown Races")
They were on their way home from the Lake Gamefish Contest.
RALPH & RICHIE: Oh, d-doo-dah-day. ♪
Rich, there's one for you out in the car.
A girl for me?
Yeah. Doo-dah. ♪
Wait,
a, a nice girl for me?
Oh, she's much better than nice.
Friendly.
All right, now, you guys set me up.
What's wrong with her?
What's wrong with her?
Yeah.
Bring her in, Pots.
Right, Ralph.
Come on in, Brenda.
Wait till you see the name she had in competition.
Show him.
Miss Trout.
What beautiful gills.
POTSIE: We'll be right out, Brenda.
POTSIE & RALPH: Huh?
Oh, Miss Trout, here I come.
Miss Trout, me and you Yeah, boy.
(Ralph and Potsie singing)
Let's go, Rich, let's go, come on. ♪
I can't go.
What are you talking about?
I can't leave her alone.
Bring it along; We'll hang it from the mirror.
Not the doll.
Louisa.
Oh, no, no, don't bring Louisa.
She'll spoil all the fun.
(horn honking)
Okay, okay, they're waiting for us.
Now, are you going to come yes or no?
I can't. Let's go, Pots.
I can't figure him out.
Yeah.
What are we going to do with Miss Trout?
I don't know, she's too good to throw back.
(door closes)
Miss Trout.
Boy, would I like to swim upstream with her.
That Fonzie.
I'm going to smack him!
(Fonzie singing in Hawaiian)
(knocking)
(singing continues)
Aaayyh! ♪
I'm fed up, Fonz.
Let's have it out right now.
Is it the way I'm dressed?
Cunningham, I can't talk to you when you're like this.
Will you just put 'em up, Fonz, huh? Just put 'em up.
Now, let me ask you a question.
Is this a bad joke or just a good shot
at suicide?
You made me spend the whole night with an expecting mother
when I could have had a date with a trout.
Just defend yourself, huh?
Wait a minute, not until you tell me
why you want to go out with a fish.
Potsie and Ralph picked up on some chicks.
They probably didn't know 'em. They didn't.
Aaayyh!
All right, all right, you know, you used to be
such a nice kid.
Oh, nice kid, huh? Yeah.
All right, Fonz, that's it.
Put 'em up, you, you nerd.
Nerd?
Aaayyh.
(Louisa moans)
Ah, come on, I didn't even hit you.
I didn't say that, Fonz.
Oh, all right.
(Louisa moaning)
Get ready, boys!
It's time!
Fonz. Yeah?
I think she's going to have her baby.
All right, all right.
We're just going to be cool.
Right, right, I'm cool.
We're going to stay cool. Yeah.
All right, this is a time for cool.
Right. We're going to listen to our instincts.
Listen to your instincts, Fonz.
I'm listening to my instincts.
All right, all right.
All right, now just tear this into strips.
I'm going to boil water.
Right, Fonz.
Oh, Fonz? Yeah?
Why are we doing this? Because someone told me
uh, uh, Shortcake just before she started her vacation.
Shortcake? The kid.
BOTH: Bad idea.
We need some medical books.
Medical books. Yeah.
Aaayyh, medical books, all right.
Here we go hardware, hardware, hardware.
Where are your father's medical books?
He's in hardware. I forgot.
Yeah, all right.
Oh, Mom likes these over here.
Boys I could use a little help.
Yeah, artificial respiration.
Uh, no, that's for drowning.
Well, let's put her in some water.
Yeah right no, no, let's get her a doctor.
I-I already called the doctor.
The doctor's going to meet me at the hospital.
So would somebody please go get my bag?
Good idea. Richie, get her bag.
You see how easy this is going to be?
We just have to get her from here to the hospital.
I'm going to start my bike.
Fonz, why are you starting your bike?
No reason. I'm gonna go get the bag.
Good.
You know, this is unfair, Louisa.
You said two weeks, you said two weeks.
Well, tell him.
You said two weeks, you said two weeks.
Whoop! Aah!
Richie.
(indistinct chatter)
Oh, that door's stuck, Fonz.
Aaayyh.
Richie, Richie, it's stuck!
Yeah, right.
Yeah, the window we'll shove her through the window.
Let's go through the window, right.
Fonz. Yeah.
The kitchen door works. I knew that.
Let's go.
Calm, very calm.
It opened. It worked.
It opened. Yeah.
It opened.
You got to keep up.
Will you keep up?
You got to keep up!
FONZIE: This way, this way.
One step at a time, you're doing fine.
You see that? You're doing fine.
Hey, Fonz, maybe one of us should have driven.
Don't you understand?
Don't you understand
she needed that for confidence, huh?
Hey, listen, Richie, put her in this.
Right. I'll take care of this.
Nurse, we need a nurse!
Nurse, we need a nurse!
Shh
I almost forgot, I forgot we were in a hospital, I forgot.
Yeah, so shh.
Here, now put this on.
Are we in a loony bin or the emergency room?
No, this is the emergency room.
Oh, good. Hey, don't you work
at Spic 'N Span Cleaners?
Yeah, I'm Kitty, I do volunteer work here.
Listen, we're here because we got a baby that's about
I mean, we got a lady that's about to have a baby.
Oh, you picked a bad night.
Yeah, see, Nurse Millie Nash is retiring tonight
40 years on the job.
She's such a sweet person.
Yeah, well, I got to tell you
we got a sweet person here
that in a minute is going to become two sweet people.
How far apart are the contractions?
Five minutes. Five minutes.
Five minutes? You got a lot of time.
Relax, join the fun have a horn.
Look, you don't understand, ma'am.
Will you give me that?
Oh, I'm sorry.
She said there was no rush.
I don't normally do things like that.
It's time, it's time.
But you just said there was a lot of time.
No, it's time for the party. Quiet down.
Here, here, you should have a hat.
You definitely got to have a hat.
Take one, give them out, give them out.
Get ready, duck.
Hide, everybody, hide, hide, hide, hide.
Get down, get down.
Okay, okay, okay.
Ready, ready?
Here she comes.
Why is it so dark?
You can't have a hospital in the dark.
Surprise!
For she's a jolly good fellow ♪
For she's a jolly good fellow ♪
For she's a jolly good fellow ♪
Which nobody can deny. ♪
Yay!
Oh, Millie, we all chipped in and we bought you a present.
What did you get me?
Something really terrific.
Thank you, I love it.
Hey, hey, hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
No, no, Millie.
No, we got you a watch.
Oh, who needs a watch?
I need new teeth.
Oh, it's time.
Hey, hey, hey, time out, time out here!
Hold it, hold it.
All right, you take care of her.
You get her room.
The doctors will you take off your hats
and be like a hospital?
Will you come on? Let's move it.
Everybody, move it. There is a baby coming here.
There is a baby coming here.
The man's right, the man's right.
Go back to work.
All right, listen, the party will continue
the party will continue when the baby is delivered.
.
Well, here we are.
Since we're waiting for this blessed event to occur,
I figure we could discuss your behavior
earlier this evening, Cunningham.
You were pretty feisty.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I was pretty tough, huh?
Well, you'd be a lot tougher without the hat,
let me tell you.
I believe the word you used was "nerd."
Right.
Right, that was pretty rotten.
Calling the Fonz a nerd is not nice.
You see, Fonz, I'm trying not to be
such a nice guy all the time.
You know what I mean?
It's my new image.
Oh, I forgot to put money in the meter.
Oh, don't worry, I'll get it.
Hey, you see that? I fooled you, I fooled you.
You're a nice guy.
You're stuck with it.
I guess so. Yeah.
Why do you think I let you hang around with me?
Well, I-I didn't mean to call you a nerd, Fonz.
Hey, I know that, I know that.
Just don't let it happen again, all right?
Listen, you know, I shouldn't have made you
stay around with Louisa all the time either.
A guy's got a right to do whatever he wants to do,
even if it is dull.
Hi, boys.
This is Louisa's baby.
Oh what is it?
It's a fine healthy boy.
Aaayyh, look at that.
Yeah, what else do you think Danny would have?
I was just on my way to the nursery
and I thought you might like to have a little peek.
Oh.
(chuckling): Oh, cute little shrimp.
How are you?
You look pink.
I tell you something.
Listen, your father would have been here,
you understand, but he's on the road.
He's going to be so proud of you.
Oh, whoa.
Listen, you know, if he was here, he'd give you advice.
(coos)
What?
Oh, uh, well, you know, he'd kind of go like, um,
"It's a tough world.
"You want to be cool,
"you don't do nothing to nobody
that you don't want them to do to you, huh?"
Can you dig that?
Aaayyh!
La, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪
La, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪
La, la, la, la. ♪
Malph Malph.
Hey, hey, all right, you don't have to babysit.
Yeah, I talked to Cunningham.
He's got a date with a fish.
Yeah, all right, will you stop blubbering?
Yeah, I'm still your best palsy-walsy.
Right.
Will you get out of here?
Maybe I should stay home tonight.
Hey, not on your life.
Your husband drove 800 miles
so we could be with him when he's crowned Mr. Kickstand.
Oh, you beautiful fish ♪
You great big, beautiful fish ♪
(humming)
Oh, you beautiful fish ♪
You great big, beautiful fish. ♪
Well, nothing's going to interfere
with Miss Trout tonight.
(door closes)
I got it, I got it.
Well, now, it's got to be someone I can trust.
Hey, who I got, you can trust.
Laverne and Shirley.
Do they babysit?
Do they babysit?
Danny couldn't get better than L. And S.
Are you kidding? Come on, let's go, let's go.
Well, uh,
d-don't you think we ought to phone them first?
FONZIE: Are you kidding?
(baby crying) We'll just pop in.
I just forgot my keys.
Here, let me hold him.
LOUISA: Now, be careful.
What are you talking about be careful?
I'm the godfather.
It's all right. We're going
to take him over to babysit at, uh, Laverne and Shirley.
Oh.
Kitchy-kitchy-koo.
Don't you tell anybody I just said that.
Laverne and Shirley with the baby?
Ha, ha, ha.
Good-bye, gray sky, hello, blue ♪
There's nothing can hold me when I hold you ♪
It feels so right, it can't be wrong ♪
Rockin' and rollin' all week long ♪
These days are ours ♪
These days are ours ♪
These happy days are yours and mine ♪